Vicodin, Jello and Dust Bunnies
Author: kpopforlife
Word Count: 3745
Rating: PG
Pairing/Focus: Jonghyun (Jongyu if you want to see it)
Genre: Fluff, humor and a whole lot of crack
Summary: Jonghyun has to have some minor outpatient surgery and in the process thoroughly pisses off their manager, proposes to a princess and makes some imaginary friends.
A/N: I don't have a beta so please excuse my shoddy grammar.
~~~
The front door flew open forcefully, hitting the rubber stopper on the wall with a dull thud. The four members jumped up at the sudden sound, whipping around to watch as their rather disgruntled manager practically carried Jonghyun into the room before kicking the door shut behind them.
Manager hyung looked about ready to kill the next person who so much as looks at him, metaphorical steam pouring from his ears, his face red and beads of sweat dripping down his forehead despite the rather cool night. It was obvious the manager wasn’t in the mood for their usual rowdiness, however Jonghyun seemed oblivious to this sentiment. Jonghyun was slumped over, swaying slightly on his feet whenever manager hyung let go of him but he was humming happily despite his pale and swollen complexion. Jinki wasn’t sure how Jonghyun was even standing, he seemed ready to topple over at the slightest gust of wind that came in his direction, and from the looks of it, the manager wasn’t about to try and catch him if or when he fell.
"H-hyung, how did it go?" Jinki finally asked, braving the managers’ wrath to hopefully get an answer to the question that was on all of their minds.
"He is fine. They gave him some extra strength pain medication and I really think they over did it. He has been loopy ever since we left the dentist," the manager responded, his voice tired.
"He only had his wisdom teeth out, why did he need so many drugs?" Minho asked, the question slipping past his lips before he had a chance to reconsider his words.
"Hell if I know but I'm not dealing with him anymore.”
Before anyone dare ask what had happened to upset the manager so much, Jonghyun chose that moment to take an ample handful of the managers’ backside and squeezed, causing manager hyung to yelp in indignation.
From the look of adgitiation rather than surprise it was easy to assume this wasn’t the first time that this particular form of assault had occurred that night.
Jonghyun laughed hysterically at the manager’s response; his giggles nearly unbalancing him in his rather delicate state.
Minho quickly ducked behind the couch to hide is laughter while the other three simply stared in surprise, using their hands to cover the smiles creeping on their faces. However, when Taemin heard Jonghyun mutter the word, “squishy,” he immediately joined Minho behind the couch, laughing as silently as possible at the sight of their manager being groped mercilessly by their band member.
Jinki finally came to the manager’s rescue, legitimately worried for Jonghyun’s safety as he helped pry the younger boy’s grabby fingers away and lead him away from the fuming manager and towards the couch. The couch was safe.
“Jonghyun how are you feeling?” He asked gently, unsure how to handle this intoxicated version of his friend.
“Bring Bring,” he muttered in response, giggled once again.
The group looked around in confusion.
“Umm, what was that Jonghyun?” Jinki tried again.
“My name is Bring Bring damn it,” the younger boy retorted, his words muffled by the cotton that was packed tightly in his mouth and losing all bite due to the infectious smile spreading across his swollen face.
“Oh! Bling Bling!” Taemin exclaimed, excited that he had managed to decode Jonghyun’s mutters.
Kibum snorted, choosing to ignore Jonghyun’s request entirely. “Jjong are you hungry? Our refrigerator looks like a rainbow exploded because of all the Jell-O we got for you.”
“’Ainbows? I like ‘ainbows!” Jonghyun exclaimed excitedly, the excessive amount of gauze in his mouth obviously affecting his speech.
Jinki burst into a fit of giggles this time.
“Of course you do Jonghyun, now do you want any Jell-O?” Kibum couldn’t seem to keep the condescending tone from his voice but figured it didn’t matter anyway since Jonghyun clearly wasn’t going to remember any of this.
“I thought ‘ainbows were made of Skittles?” Jonghyun said, his face serious and as if he were concentrating extrememly hard to remember this while his eyes flickered to each member in turn, waiting for an answer.
“No Jonghyun, you can have Jell-O,” Kibum replied tiredly.
“I want cookies!” Jonghyun all but shouted suddenly, an attempt at a smile on his obnoxiously swollen cheeks.
“You can’t chew. You’re options are Jell-O or Jell-O,” Kibum snapped back.
Jonghyun pouted, the action making him look strangely more adorable combined with his “chipmunk cheeks” and Minho had taken to calling them.
“Aww hyung look at that face! We should make him cookies,” Taemin said, giggling at the pathetic look Jonghyun was giving them all. He looked utterly ridiculous.
“I’m not making cookies! He can’t eat them and we are supposed to be dieting!” Kibum responded sharply.
“Well you all seem to have this idiot under control. I’ll leave his medicine and the instructions in the kitchen. Just keep him home obviously, and help him change the gauze tonight and that should be about it.” The manager said, making his way towards the door.
“Bling Bling hyung do you want to watch a movie?” Minho asked with a laugh, thoroughly enjoying this version of Jonghyun.
Jonghyun smiled widely at being addressed properly and nodded.
“Well what would you like to watch?” Minho countered.
“Pororo!”
“Really Jong? You want to watch a kids show about a penguin?” Kibum deadpanned.
“Well who doesn’t love Pororo? Let’s watch that!” Taemin said laughing, encouraging Jonghyun’s strange behavior just to see that look on Kibum’s face. It wasn’t often that someone pissed of Kibum so easily with no repercussions.
Kibum shot the youngest a death glare before turning on the television to appease the group in front of him. Kibum stalked off to the kitchen while the rest of them settled into the living room to watch their cartoons. It took the length of the introduction song before Jonghyun was asleep, drooling on the couch cushions since, in his swollen state, his mouth didn’t stay fully close.
Now that the entertainment for the day had ceased the others flipped the television off, kindly wrapping Jonghyun in a blanket before slipping out and into their respective rooms.
~~~
Jinki woke up rather early, deciding to do his leader duties and check on Jonghyun first thing. However, even after yesterday, he was still surprised to find Jonghyun wrapped up in the quilt from Jinki’s bed-he distinctly remember falling asleep with that-and every single piece of Taemin’s Disney DVD collection fanned out around him while he sat on the floor peering under the couch.
“Jonghyun what are you doing?” Jinki asked, apprehensive to hear the answer.
“Hyung!” Jonghyun exclaimed happily. “I made some new friends!”
Jinki was relieved to hear Jonghyun’s voice was back to normal. He, or more likely someone else, must have removed the gauze at some point during the night. “That’s nice Jonghyun. Where are these new friends exactly?”
“Right here!” Jonghyun replied, motioning for Jinki to join him on the floor.
Jinki sighed in defeat, settling down next to Jonghyun and peering dutifully under the couch.
“Jonghyun what exactly am I supposed to be seeing?” He asked as gently as he could.
“That’s Bianca,” Jonghyun explained pointing to the far corner of the floor.
“Bianca?” Jinki replied, an air of disbelief ringing in his tone.
“Yeah! And Bernard is around here somewhere,” Jonghyun muttered, scanning the floor.
“Jonghyun maybe you should lie down,” Jinki said gently, sincere concern for the younger boy creeping into his tone.
“Oh and here is Flower! Isn’t he cute!” Jonghyun said, holding up his hand to show Jinki the tiny ball of lint, dirt and hair he had picked up off the floor.
“Jonghyun did you name the dust bunnies?” Jinki said, trying to muffle his giggle now that he understood what was going on.
“Hyung they prefer to be called Woofinpoofs,” Jonghyun replied with an eye roll.
Jinki couldn’t hide his laugh this time. “They are called what?”
“Woofinpoofs, hyung. Everyone knows that.”
“Okay well what are the rest of their names?” Jinki asked with a chuckle; deciding to play along with Jonghyun’s little game.
“I think Todd and Copper are over there,” he pointed randomly towards the other end of the sofa, “Playing tag or something, and Elliott here keeps trying to escape. Bad Elliott. Bad! Oh, and that one is Kibummie because it has a piece of his favorite scarf, see!” Jonghyun exclaimed, holding up a small ball of lint that truly did have a thread from one of Kibum’s scarves in it.
“I’m sure Kibum will be thrilled to know you named a dust bunny after him,” Jinki said, chuckling to himself.
“Woofinpoofs hyung. You are going to hurt their feelings if you keep calling them ‘dust bunnies,’” Jonghyun whispered to him, attempting to keep his voice low enough that the inanimate balls of fluff on the floor couldn’t hear him.
“What the hell are you two doing?”
Jonghyun and Jinki turned quickly to see Kibum standing over them, watching them in concern and confusion.
“I was introducing hyung to the Woofinpoofs!” Jonghyun exclaimed.
“What the hell is he talking about hyung?” Kibum asked tiredly, it was far too early in the morning to be dealing with a cracked-out Jonghyun.
“He had made friends with the dust bunnies. He even named one after you,” Jinki said with a laugh.
“Dust bunnies! What? Why the hell do we pay a maid if she doesn’t even clean,” Kibum exclaimed.
“Hyung, why is Kibum always yelling?” Jonghyun stage-whispered again, causing the younger to growl in annoyance.
“Both of you move; I’ll go find the vacuum.”
“No Kibummie! You can’t kill them! They are our friends. See,” Jonghyun held out his hand that was cradling Bianca, “They are cute!”
Kibum glared at him, “Kim Jonghyun, get off the damn floor. We are idols! We shouldn’t have to live in this filth!”
“Kibummie, please don’t,” Jonghyun said, turning his huge puppy dog eyes onto Kibum, his swollen cheeks making his face round and adorable.
Kibum huffed but was visibly caving in on his plans.
“Kibum just wait a few days okay?” Jinki said calmly, “Just let him have his little fantasy while the drugs hold out.”
“Fine,” Kibum relented, stalking off towards the kitchen.
“Don’t worry guys. Bernard and Bianca will call up Orville and get you all out of here before Big Bad Kibummie can get you with the evil vacuum,” Jonghyun said, addressing the lint balls on the floor.
Jinki laughed again before sitting up. “Jonghyun-ah, are you hungry? I’ll get you some Jell-O and then we can watch one of these movies.”
“Okay! I want purple!” Jonghyun said, gracing Jinki with one of his full-blown chubby-cheeked smiles.
“All right Jjongie, grape it is,” Jinki said with a laugh, following Kibum into the kitchen to retrieve the Jell-O cups from the fridge.
“Hyung how long is he going to be like this?” Kibum asked worriedly.
“I wouldn’t worry too much Bummie. He is only supposed to be on the medicine for a few days. Besides, it could be worse. At least he is nice and obviously happy. Just play along, it is actually really fun. It’s kind of like babysitting,” Jinki said soothingly.
“Hyung it is babysitting!” Kibum countered.
“It will be alright Kibum. I’ll take care of him okay? We were actually going to watch a Disney movie, you are more than welcome to join us,” Jinki replied, completely unphased by Kibum’s outburst.
Before Kibum had a chance to reply Minho walked into the kitchen, a confused look on his face. “Why is Jonghyun hyung talking to the couch? Should we call manager hyung? Or maybe a doctor?”
“Don’t worry about it Minho-ah. Jonghyun just made friends with the dust bunnies under the couch; nothing to be worried about,” Jinki said reassuringly.
“That is exactly the type of behavior we should be worried about!” Kibum exclaimed.
“Umm, not to interrupt or anything but Jonghyun hyung is stuffing the pillows under the sofa to ‘protect against the vacuum invasion of 2012.’ Does someone care to explain?” Taemin said as he joined the group in the kitchen.
Minho started laughing loudly.
“Oh my god! This is absolutely ridiculous,” Kibum said, sending threatening glares at Jinki.
“At least he got the year right!” Taemin interjected with a giggle.
Minho barked out another laugh at that, giving Taemin a high-five as the two of them left to get ready for their schedules.
“Don’t worry about it Kibum. I will take care of him today. Minho-ah and Taeminnie both have schedules today and you obviously aren’t sensitive enough to handle him right now,” Jinki replied, grabbing a few containers of Jell-O and some spoons before heading back to the living room with Jonghyun.
He convinced Jonghyun to sit back on the couch, telling him that Kibum couldn’t possibly get the Woofinpoofs while they were in the room, before settling down with their snack of Jell-O and juice cups. Jinki selected a movie at random from the stack, Snow White it appeared, and they curled up under Jinki’s quilt.
Jinki was actually really enjoying taking care of Jonghyun. It was fun. It was what he imagined a younger sibling would have been like. Sure, Jonghyun was a little out of it and was acting like a toddler, and he was still pouted whenever they called him ‘Jonghyun’ instead of “Bling Bling,’ but at the same time he was still the genuine and kind band mate he already knew and loved. The only difference was that instead of trying to talk Jinki into watching porn with him, this Jonghyun was creating imaginary friends and forcing them to watch cartoons. It was a nice change to say the least.
Kibum came and joined them, sitting down with a huff, mumbling about how he wasn’t insensitive, he just didn’t like being an instigator to Jonghyun’s delusions.
“Kibummie, you aren’t going to hurt the Woofinpoofs are you?” Jonghyun asked in a serious tone.
Kibum sighed, “No Jjong, I won’t touch the stupid dust bunnies.”
Jonghyun brightened considerable, offering Kibum a spoonful of Jell-O as a reward, which the younger declined.
As soon as the music started Jonghyun’s full attention was on the television, the spoon hanging from his mouth as he watched the film intently.
Jinki however, was more interested in watching Jonghyun. The younger was still heavily medicated and it showed. His responses were quite delayed which caused him to laugh randomly as his brain processed all the information rather slowly.
Kibum would let out an annoyed grunt every time Jonghyun giggled at inappropriate times during the film, however Jinki thought it was adorable and smiled fondly at him whenever he did it.
“She’s pretty,” Jonghyun said dreamily, his eyes glazing over and a goofy smile pulling at his lips.
Jinki just laughed.
“Jonghyun she is a cartoon,” Kibum said, deciding to state the obvious.
“Do you think she would say yes?” Jonghyun asked, looking more towards Jinki rather than Kibum for an answer.
“Say yes to what Jonghyun?” Jinki asked him, confused.
“If I proposed! Do you think she would say yes?”
“Jonghyun she isn’t real. You can’t marry her,” Kibum interjected.
“I’m your hyung! Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do! And I told you already my name is Bling Bling! Jonghyun stated, glaring at Kibum in annoyance.
“I am not calling you Bling Bling. And you can’t marry someone who doesn’t exist!” Kibum shot back, his temper flaring at Jonghyun’s childish antics.
“Bling Bling is going to marry Snow White,” Jonghyun stated stubbornly sounding like a disgruntled child.
Jinki couldn’t hold back his laughter. “Why don’t we talk about it later?” He asked, trying to keep the peace.
“Look Jonghyun, even if she were real, this movie came out in like the 1930’s, she would be older than your grandma,” Kibum pointed out, making sure to emphasize the use of Jonghyun’s real name rather than his ridiculous nickname.
Jonghyun pouted, turning towards Jinki once again, “Hyung is that true? Is she really old?”
“I’m afraid so Jjongie. Don’t worry about it though, there are plenty of Disney princesses to choose from,” Jinki replied, forcing another cup of Jell-O into Jonghyun’s hands before sending a pointed glare at Kibum.
Jonghyun smiled happily, going back to his movie, ignoring Kibum once again as he settled down into the cushions. However, they only made it a few minutes before the sound of Jongyun’s sniffling began to distract from the movie.
“Jonghyun are you crying?” Jinki asked, confused how the pleasant interaction between the princess and the seven dwarfs could possibly make him upset.
“Hyung I don’t want to marry her anymore,” Jonghyun said seriously, his eyes brimming over with tears and his lower lip trembling slightly.
“Okay Jjongie. No one is forcing you,” Jinki said gently, rubbing his back soothingly as Jonghyun latched onto him, the tears starting to fall in torrents down his face.
“Jonghyun why on earth are you crying right now?” Kibum asked, completely bewildered by Jonghyun’s sudden actions.
“It’s just, she’s so mean,” Jonghyun whispered, clutching onto Jinki’s waist tighter.
“Mean? She just cleaned their whole house and made them dinner! How is that mean?” Kibum asked.
“Well she did break into their house but then she keeps ordering them around and just… little people have feelings too! Why does she have to call them ‘dwarfs’?” Jonghyun asked, turning his watery puppy dog eyes onto Kibum.
Kibum stared at him open-mouthed for a moment before he cracked and started laughing.
“Jonghyun I think that is the politically correct term to call them. See, that is what they call themselves. She isn’t being mean to them,” Jinki said gently, holding back his laughter as he saw how serious Jonghyun was about the matter. Maybe he was more sensitive about his height deficiency than he let on.
“But why are they defined by their height? I mean it is even in the title of the movie! All of them are so great, well except for Grumpy. He kind of reminds me of Kibum. But I still like Kibum so maybe Grumpy is nice underneath it all too?”
“I am nothing like Grumpy! What are you talking about?” Kibum interjected hotly.
Jonghyun continued as if he hadn’t even heard Kibum, “But why can’t they be The Seven Coal Miners or something? Or they could have just used their names! Snow White and Sneezy, Sleepy, Dopey, Doc, Happy, Bashful and Grumpy. Okay that is a really long title. But you get my point right hyung?” Jonghyun ended is rant with a hopeful look at Jinki for affirmation.
“Well how about tomorrow we write a letter to Disney about it?” Jinki suggested, ignoring Kibum completely.
“Hyung Walt Disney has been dead for-“
“Shut up Kibum,” Jinki hissed.
“Yeah, let’s do that hyung,” Jonghyun muttered, smiling stupidly to himself, apparently satisfied with Jinki’s suggestion.
“Why don’t you lie down Jjongie? I’ll go get you some pudding this time okay? Do you want me to put in a different movie?” Jinki asked as he detached himself from Jonghyun and got up to head towards the kitchen.
Jonghyun nodded his head, his smile getting wider as the introduction song to The Lion King came on before he curled up into a ball on the couch and stared wide-eyed at the screen.
In the few minutes it took Jinki to clean up the empty Jell-O cups from the living room and replace them with fresh pudding cups from the refrigerator Jonghyun was fast asleep and drooling on Jinki’s pillow. Really when had Jonghyun gone into his room to steal all his bedding?
Kibum switched off the television, wrapping Jonghyun in the blanket and motioning for Jinki to follow him out of the room to give Jonghyun some peace and quiet.
~~~
“Hyung how are you feeling?” Taemin asked as he noticed Jonghyun stirring on the couch.
“I feel like shit actually. And I am starving,” Jonghyun mumbled, his voice thick with sleep.
“Oh! Are you back to normal now?” Minho asked excitedly, smiling widely.
“Back to normal? Aside from the fact that my face hurts like a bitch I feel fine why?” Jonghyun asked, confused.
“Kibum hyung!” Taemin called, “Get in here quick! It’s about Jonghyun hyung.”
“Oh my God Jonghyun for the last fucking time, Bianca and Bernard left on a mission! I didn’t kill them!” Kibum yelled down the hall, agitation clear in his tone.
“Kibum what the hell are you talking about?” Jonghyun asked, as soon as the younger boy walked it, completely confused with the conversation.
“Oh is he back to normal now?” Kibum asked, addressing Minho and Taemin.
They both nodded and Kibum smiled, turning back to Jonghyun, “It’s about damn time. I was actually starting to miss you!”
“Does some one want to tell me what the hell is going on?” Jonghyun said, still having absolutely no idea what they were talking about.
“We will fill you in later okay? I need to go find Jinki and tell him he can stop working on your spaceship. I swear to god, you are never allowed to watch Toy Story again.,” Kibum said distractedly.
“Spaceship?” Jonghyun asked, his eyebrows scrunching up in confusion.
“You decided you needed to visit the Star Command base,” Minho stated simply.
“I’m just going to go back to sleep alright? Because this is the weirdest dream ever,” Jonghyun said, eying them all curiously.
“Okay but before you do, I just want to get this off my chest, your face is fucking green and you look like a chipmunk. Also, I did get rid of all the dust bunnies when you were sleeping, even the ones you tried to hide in that box next to your bed,” Kibum said with a smirk before turning on his heel and sauntering out of the room to find Jinki.
Jonghyun looked over at Taemin for an explanation but the younger boy just shrugged. “Jinki hyung wouldn’t let him be mean to you so he has been holding those inside for like three days now.”
“We will explain later hyung, just go to sleep,” Minho said, guiding Taemin out of the room with him to let Jonghyun rest.
“I think they all went crazy,” Jonghyun mumbled to himself before curling up in Jinki’s blankets and drifting off to sleep again. Maybe life would make a little more sense once he woke up.
~~~
10 points to anyone who can properly identify where all the dust bunny names came from…
Also, Woofinpoofs is apparently a real synonym for dust bunnies. I googled it.
So part of this is based on personal experience (far too much of it tbh)
And part of it is based on observation (my best friend cried about how he wanted to save the Russian orphans when he had his wisdom teeth out. Pretty much the funniest, most adorable thing ever.)
And most is completely made up crack that I wish would happen (sadly you usually remember all the stupid shit you say and do)
And I just had so much fun with this
Anyway! I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did.