Round 19: All Eyes on Me
Title: All Eyes On Me
Team: Canon
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Block B
Pairing: Kyung-centric, friendship!zikyung and OT7
Warnings: Mentions of surgery. A little bit angsty.
Summary: He likes the way things are now but sometimes, things don’t always go as planned.
Author's Note: It’s my first time in this challenge and even though I’m quite inexperience and unable to communicate with the team members ( twitter being cruel to me ) it was still an enjoyable and memorable experience! I wrote this in hopes that it would match with the team theme which is Canon, something I too, inexperience in so I hope I did well.
Prompt Used: AOA - Miniskirt
Park Kyung was a confident man, if he say so himself. He got looks that he’s proud off, skill that his family would be proud off and intellect that would let him go far. But most importantly, he got friends that he could count on. A dear friend that he never wants to lose. Woo Jiho is a man to be admired, for he is skilled as a rapper and everything that an entertainer and an artist have. But Kyung likes the most is the old, goofily naïve childhood friend Jiho. Someone who is always there for him.
He doesn’t want anything to change. He likes the way things are now but sometimes, things don’t always go as planned.
When Block B debuts and became a thing, Kyung is more than ready for the life of an idol. The cheering fans, the flashing lights, they energize him in a way he never felt before. He’s living off his dream.
You’re just rookies; he remembers Cho PD said to them. Don’t get too excited yet.
They’re in the dressing room now, sweating as they always do after a performance. Freeze is such a hard song, he thinks. All that dancing and the suffocating, glimmering leather clothes have Kyung feeling goosebumps all over his skin.
Performing with a group feels different to when he used to do at the underground clubs during his juvenile years. Here, things are more proper, business like feels and it is different to what he used to expect.
Kyung is waiting for their coordi-noona to come. He’s starting to feel extremely uncomfortable in these clothes.
Just then, the door burst open revealing a too happy Jiho, all smileys eyed and strutting into the room like he’s on cloud nine.
“What are you so happy about, leader?” Jaehyo asks. They’re not yet on first name basis and Kyung doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t like Jaehyo. But not in an extreme hate-hate way.
Just a pinch to his skin. It’s mostly Kyung’s fault. He can’t accept someone so good-looking in a same group. Having to wake up every day and see a face like Jaehyo. It irks him in a way that has Kyung hating himself.
“Kyung, don’t you think they’re cool?” Jiho stands in front of him now, and it takes a while for Kyung to realize that the leader had been talking to him for some time now.
“Who?”
“Dude, B1A4 of course! Didn’t you see them?” Jiho says voice shrilled and high.
Kyung stares at the leader and took a second to let out another reply, mostly because he’s taken aback by the other’s excitement.
“What?”
“Kyung, you’re so out of it.” Jiho scoffs; rolling his eyes and muttering about how absent-minded and stupid Kyung is. He wants to retort, saying he’s not stupid but Jiho’s already gone and out of sight before Kyung could even open his mouth. Jiho’s talking with Yukwon this time, about a group named B.A.P. Kyung wonders how it turned out like this. When in the past, all Jiho ever talked to was with Kyung. But now he got more choices to choose from.
They landed themselves a reality show. The reality show isn’t really a ‘reality’ show because everything is so scripted, so controlled but it’s a step ahead towards fame because once the show has been aired, there will be eyes watching and Kyung likes that. It would mean more people knowing them, knowing Block B name, knowing his name.
“We’re doing a match up!” Jihoon deep voice blooms through the room.
“Obviously. The title of the show says so itself.” Jiho says stretching out his feet all over the couch, taking up the whole space and pushing away some old cans they used to drink a few nights ago.
The dorm isn’t particularly very clean, they’re guys after all. They only keep their space clean, if they bother to. Kyung doesn’t. He knows some of them doesn’t bother to so he often goes raiding the members space. Letting them know he’s been here.
“With whom are we doing the match up with?”
“B1A4.”
Kyung felt something stirring inside of him at the sight of Jiho’s nearly falling off the couch; grin wide on his face while saying that things are going to be awesome.
The B1A4 members are really well-mannered, Kyung concludes after doing the opening shoot with them. Kyung put on some distances between them though, because their CNU and youngest are giraffes.
Jiho seems to be getting along very friendly with them. Kyung’s not saying he’s upset or anything. It’s good for the team if they build up a lot of connection in the music industry, he knows that as much as the leader. But when Jiho goes to stand beside the other group’s leader, Kyung realizes how different Block B is. Jiho with his braided hair and rough features compared to B1A4 leader soft, wolf like face. A beautiful flower boy. He is the image of the mainstream idol world. The type fans go crazy for.
Kyung wonders when did he started to have this thought of being just like them. It’s not you, he tells himself. I’m fine the way I am.
But when they return back to the dorm that night, Kyung catches himself staying a bit longer in the bathroom; staring into his reflection with his palm stroking down his jaw.
They manage to finish off the show and make friends with the coordi noonas and producers. Kyung thinks it’s because of Block B honest and dumb way of communicating that has the staff feeling easy around them. Their relationship with their co-workers, B1A4, have gotten close too if Kyung would admit. But there’s still one thing he doesn’t completely grasp and understand.
“Why do you like them so much?” The rapper asks, swirling in the office chair and producing an ear-splitting squeaking sound.
He’s in the recording room now with Jiho and night time is the best time to get some muse. Kyung doesn’t remember when the last time he hangs out alone with the leader. Jiho’s been quite busy lately, and it hurts to say that he doesn’t have time for Kyung anymore. So, right now they’re alone together, wearing thick sweaters and sweatshirts with dark circles enough to eat up their eyes.
“Who?” Jiho asks him this time, twisting on his seat to look at Kyung directly. The leader has his brow raises and slant eyes slightly wider than usual. He must be running out of gas, Kyung thinks. They’ve been working hard lately.
“B1A4, I mean. Especially that Jinyoung guy. You seem to like him more than the standard friend-friend limits.” Kyung says matter-of-fact. It sounds a bit weird now that Kyung rewinds it back in his head. From Jiho’s face, he could definitely read the ‘no homo’ reaction sprawling on his facial expression and Kyung realizes; Jiho’s never really change.
Just, maybe, grew up a little. His friend is always one step ahead, Kyung acknowledges that, but he never realizes just how much he’s falling behind and he silently ponders if he’ll ever catch up and closes the gap once more so that he could grab Jiho’s shoulder and make him turn, turn around and look at him again. How desperately he wanted those eyes back on him.
The clock is 3.15 a.m and Kyung starts to feel his eyelids getting heavy, as if there’s little fairy putting rocks there so that it will shut close and never open again. Between taking care of their image - did they even have an image? - and losing their beauty sleep, it’s a struggle to get rid of those eye bags and dark circles. Kyung with his big doe eyes, dark circles and eye bags are easily spotted; he shares the same fate as Jaehyo and Minhyuk. But Jiho is persistence in getting this tape done, today.
Not that he’s not passionate about getting their album finish soon, especially since muse is sacred and every minute counts, but because they’ve been sitting there for so long and Jiho’s barely even talking to him. Kyung’s sleep-deprive eyes stare blankly at Jiho’s hutched back, trying to count the number of spine as if he could see the skeleton of his friend.
When all attempt fail, he got up from the couch and walk over to the door, all of this without even having Jiho sparing a glance at him. “I’m going to get some coffee, alright?” Jiho replies with a distracted hum, which is enough to him - even though it’s not enough for his heart.
The hallway is empty, and the only sound that can hear is the sound of hot water pouring into the paper cup. It’s hot, but at cold times like this, it’s a nice sting to his hand. He makes Jiho’s favorite coffee; they know each other so well after all. Dark and Bitter. He tries not to be sappy and thinks about how it perfectly describes the way things are now.
He adjust his spectacles, the frame is too big honestly but they said it make him look good and goes well with his spiked hair. Jiho didn’t think much less though, because he’s probably too caught up in his new braided hair and the collection of hello kitty stuff. Their leader is so weird, Kyung thinks. But even if he’s a bit weird, everyone loves him.
“Jeez, why am I getting jealous of him.” Kyung mumbles to himself, setting the cup down to ruffle his hair. Lately, the little flying fairies on his shoulder are at war, Jiho doesn’t really seem to be like what they used to be and Kyung feels himself drifting apart from the world. He thinks he’s prepared enough for the entertainment world, knows what to expect and the consequences but what he looked with a blind eye was the things that happened inside.
Sighing, he pushes the studio’s door open with both hands curling around their cup of coffee. “Sorry, your cup is a bit warm now.” He says slightly guiltily and settles the paper cups on the coffee table. Jiho doesn’t reply, instead, laughs his ass off at something he’s reading on the internet. “Dude, check this out. Our fans are wickedly awesome.” There’s a tone at his voice as if he’s picking up girls on the street and Kyung drags a chair beside him to check what all the fuss is about.
“Look how they edit it so nicely!”
Kyung tries not to cringe or jerk away when he catches on what Jiho is looking at. “Dude, that sick!” He tries to keep his voice on the edge of excitement but honestly, he really feels sick to the stomach. Jiho spin back to him, face still grinning wide and reach out for the nearest long object he could find, which right now, is an innocent microphone laying by.
“I can see the resemblance! Man, why didn’t I notice this bef-“ Kyung feels like he is about to throw up. All Jiho seems to be doing is laughing now, having failed to finish up his sentence. “O-Oh! I’m dying! Kyung, s-save me!”
Grumbling, Kyung kicks his friend chair away, hard, making Jiho spin off across the room and hits the nearest static object and fell over while letting out a shrilled scream. The microphone that is lying untouched again pricks Kyung a bit. “Well, it’s better than that green devil of a cucumber...” He says to himself, sighing softly before pushing the microphone away and closing the website Jiho had opened. Time to get back to work.
Few days have passed since the last awful joke but it has never left his mind and he had just enough. He knows Jiho didn’t mean anything bad, even if lately he’s been feeling like some kind of second choice product. He knows Block B will make it far, he sees the potential and they’ll make it into the high life but he’s afraid, as the popularity grows what if the joke grows also? Will he be able to handle it, he doesn’t think so. It sickening him a little how much he let this insecurity grow on him but it did and now he’s pretty much flying off the handle ad he’s afraid what’s going to affect Block B this way. Is he being selfish was the thought that run through his mind the most. He feels guilt eating him up as he looks into the mirror after getting the surgery done. He doesn’t regret it but feels cold nervous settle in his stomach. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he thinks it’s time to head home and face them.
The door easily unlocks as he keys in the code and it let out a chirping noise as he turns the knob. The dorm is as messy as it was since Kyung left a few days ago. He had gotten up early with the lark, the sun had not risen yet but he’s worried his resolved might shake if he were to stay and see the members. When he thinks back, it must be really suspicious and some of them might know what’s up and returning dead in the night only makes things more suspicious but that’s the only thing he could think of doing honestly. Left when no one is there and returning just the same.
“They forget to turn off the light.” The dorm is dimly lit, granted for the blazing light coming from the kitchen and the buzzing noise of the television. Kyung steps inside, feeling heavy and his jaw ache in ways he knows he deserves. No pain no gain, they said.
Just then he notices a figure lurking around in the kitchen and he tenses. This isn’t how he had planned. He expects to see them maybe later in the day, not in the dead of night so early. One more step towards the corridor then maybe he wouldn’t notice Kyung creeping around.
“Where have you been?” The figure says, knocking the air of out him. He recognizes the voice as Minhyuk’s and suddenly, all the dialogs that he has been preparing in his mind for the past few days disappear. Kyung breaths in as he turns to look at the older, who is leaning by the counter, steaming hot cup of ramen peeled open. Minhyuk crooks a brow as he takes in the younger appearance, before letting out a sigh. “How do I say this; yes, I... well, we maybe have been expecting this to happen but it still knock us out to see you actually go for it.”
Kyung looks surprise at this, did they knew? Minhyuk let out a soft laugh. “You were pretty down lately, and you avoided us like we were carrying some sort of virus.” Kyung eyes turn downcast at this. He didn’t mean for things to turn out that way. “The day you left, you might have noticed that none of us really worked our way to contact you. We kind of knew why you disappear.” He says with his voice falling to their normal, emotionless tone and his face once more turn stoic, with only the eyes making room for the conversation to continue.
“Hey, can you talk?” Kyung nods his head. Although his jaw does hurts, he can make some coherent noises. “Why did none of you tell me anything?” Kyung didn’t mean for it to come out as hurtful like that. But right now, everything kind of aches. “Like I said, you’re off like a shot every time any of us tried to approach you.”
“So you’re kind of saying that it’s my fault?” Kyung says with the edge of his voice sounds choke.
“Kyung, listen. I’m not trying to pick up a fight with you.” Minhyuk sigh as he looked over at him. “What you did, none of us really minded, especially me. Who am I to judge you when I did the same?” Kyung gulps a little because as the conversation stretches out, he feels the air thickens and if this keeps on, he might spills out all his secrets. “I’m just trying to say to you, Kyung, that are you sure this is the right thing? You’re not going to regret this?”
Kyung finds himself mute. The same question been replaying in his mind and till this moment, he still can’t answer it.
“I don’t know, but I think it’s best if you leave and come back later when you’re ready to tell all of us.” Minhyuk voice sounds welcoming, like he’s understand what is Kyung going through and wants the best for the younger and he’s grateful for that yet this actually means he’s just making things worse. Was he really selfish for doing this since now things just turn difficult. “I’m saying this because others might not be able to take the news very well, with the way you were acting and leaving so suddenly before returning just like that.”
“I didn’t mean for things to turn out like this…” Kyung mutters quietly, shoulders slump in defeat. He just wants the teasing to stop, he just want things to be how they were before Block B were a thing. He just wants the old Jiho back but now, he’s the one that really is stuck in a puddle. Minhyuk hummed as he replies, “Well, sometimes things don’t really go as planned.” Kyung doesn’t really want the situation to stretch out any longer but the older might be right so after exchanging goodbye and goodnight, Kyung leaves from his home once more.
It takes him another week for him to sort everything out. The hiatus really gives him the perfect time to think through. Kyung gotten some text messages but he made an oath not to look at them until he sees the members face to face. Then he can face his fears and tell them everything, hear what they want to say and sort this out. Well, that’s the plan of course and he hopes things will go through. He calls the company up to gather Block B there at a designated time and date and when the time arrives, Kyung made sure everyone is there before he enters the room.
Everyone eyes are on him and strangely, the same eyes that he can look into every day and laughs to their stupid jokes, he can’t look at them today. The tension hanging in the air so thick he feels suffocating. Everybody is silent, waiting for the one to speak up, which, Kyung is sure that it’s him. Taking a deep breath, he stands in front of his band mates and made a 90 degrees bow. There is a shuffled of feet and a few gasp, but Kyung made no move to get up yet.
“I’m really sorry for making things hard for the past few days and not being a good band mate.” Kyung firmly keep his hands planted on his sides, trying to steadying his voice. “I’m sorry for disrupting the peace and making everyone uncomfortable.” Slowly, he raises himself once more and closes his eyes as he takes another breath. “If you guys have any questions, please ask me now.”
For the first time, he gets to take a good look at them. Most of them looked quite serious, save for Jihoon who has this bewildered look on his face. Jiho eyes are staring hard at his mask on his jaw and Kyung keeps himself steady, trying not to break into insecurity.
“Why did you do this? Why didn’t you tell me anything?” Jiho voice sounds rasp and mainly confuse.
Kyung is expecting this. He did so many scripts in his mind, erased them and rewrites them all over again before ending up throwing all of them in the bin. He figures the best way to answer this is face on with what he’s been keeping for a while.
“I thought things were okay. You probably know I got a big ego on how I look.” Kyung stops to let out a laugh. “But you know, the thing that kept me being like that the most was you. So when you sway away, looking so blissfully engulfed with other people who… look much better, my confidences swayed too.”
“What are you trying to say?” Jiho asks; his brow burrows together and a few lines appear on his forehead.
“I’m not blaming you though. No one is to blame except me. However, I don’t want to regret this. I don’t really know how the fans will think about this, but I don’t want them to feel guilty also. I guess I just wanted some comfort, one that would last me for eternity.” Kyung confident voice trailed off to a nervous, shuddered breath and he gently touches the mask, trying to shake away the harboring guilt and anxiety.
There is a pregnant silence, and it feels like the longest silences Kyung ever had before Jiho break out in a fit. “Ah! Man, this sucks.”
“Well, we don’t really mind you doing surgery Kyung. I mean, I know you did it not to flaunt your beauty and just want to overcome a potentially harming insecurity.” Jaehyo says with a nod of his head as he gaze over him, the corners of his lips tugging upwards. “I mean, I know how bad it must have felt to suddenly have your ego wavered like that.”
“Though I wish you would consult with us before doing anything, it doesn’t really matter now, right?” Yukwon smiles at him and Taeil gives an approving nod. “What matters is that you’re happy. You did it for a reasonable thing of course!” Jihoon grins and Kyung finds the weight on his shoulder suddenly gone. He feels light, something he haven’t feel for a while.
“I’ll admit Kyung would probably give me a run for my money once the mask comes off.” Jaehyo pouts just a little bit and his eyes squish into small slanted shapes, playfully glaring at him and the members laugh along.
“You know what’s perfect right now? Group hug!”
The members groan but they fell into a tight group hug anyway with each squishing Kyung in the middle and suddenly, he feels quite at home as if they are family who really cares about each other and he’s maybe on to something.
Poll
Team: Canon
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Block B
Pairing: Kyung-centric, friendship!zikyung and OT7
Warnings: Mentions of surgery. A little bit angsty.
Summary: He likes the way things are now but sometimes, things don’t always go as planned.
Author's Note: It’s my first time in this challenge and even though I’m quite inexperience and unable to communicate with the team members ( twitter being cruel to me ) it was still an enjoyable and memorable experience! I wrote this in hopes that it would match with the team theme which is Canon, something I too, inexperience in so I hope I did well.
Prompt Used: AOA - Miniskirt
Park Kyung was a confident man, if he say so himself. He got looks that he’s proud off, skill that his family would be proud off and intellect that would let him go far. But most importantly, he got friends that he could count on. A dear friend that he never wants to lose. Woo Jiho is a man to be admired, for he is skilled as a rapper and everything that an entertainer and an artist have. But Kyung likes the most is the old, goofily naïve childhood friend Jiho. Someone who is always there for him.
He doesn’t want anything to change. He likes the way things are now but sometimes, things don’t always go as planned.
When Block B debuts and became a thing, Kyung is more than ready for the life of an idol. The cheering fans, the flashing lights, they energize him in a way he never felt before. He’s living off his dream.
You’re just rookies; he remembers Cho PD said to them. Don’t get too excited yet.
They’re in the dressing room now, sweating as they always do after a performance. Freeze is such a hard song, he thinks. All that dancing and the suffocating, glimmering leather clothes have Kyung feeling goosebumps all over his skin.
Performing with a group feels different to when he used to do at the underground clubs during his juvenile years. Here, things are more proper, business like feels and it is different to what he used to expect.
Kyung is waiting for their coordi-noona to come. He’s starting to feel extremely uncomfortable in these clothes.
Just then, the door burst open revealing a too happy Jiho, all smileys eyed and strutting into the room like he’s on cloud nine.
“What are you so happy about, leader?” Jaehyo asks. They’re not yet on first name basis and Kyung doesn’t understand why. He doesn’t like Jaehyo. But not in an extreme hate-hate way.
Just a pinch to his skin. It’s mostly Kyung’s fault. He can’t accept someone so good-looking in a same group. Having to wake up every day and see a face like Jaehyo. It irks him in a way that has Kyung hating himself.
“Kyung, don’t you think they’re cool?” Jiho stands in front of him now, and it takes a while for Kyung to realize that the leader had been talking to him for some time now.
“Who?”
“Dude, B1A4 of course! Didn’t you see them?” Jiho says voice shrilled and high.
Kyung stares at the leader and took a second to let out another reply, mostly because he’s taken aback by the other’s excitement.
“What?”
“Kyung, you’re so out of it.” Jiho scoffs; rolling his eyes and muttering about how absent-minded and stupid Kyung is. He wants to retort, saying he’s not stupid but Jiho’s already gone and out of sight before Kyung could even open his mouth. Jiho’s talking with Yukwon this time, about a group named B.A.P. Kyung wonders how it turned out like this. When in the past, all Jiho ever talked to was with Kyung. But now he got more choices to choose from.
They landed themselves a reality show. The reality show isn’t really a ‘reality’ show because everything is so scripted, so controlled but it’s a step ahead towards fame because once the show has been aired, there will be eyes watching and Kyung likes that. It would mean more people knowing them, knowing Block B name, knowing his name.
“We’re doing a match up!” Jihoon deep voice blooms through the room.
“Obviously. The title of the show says so itself.” Jiho says stretching out his feet all over the couch, taking up the whole space and pushing away some old cans they used to drink a few nights ago.
The dorm isn’t particularly very clean, they’re guys after all. They only keep their space clean, if they bother to. Kyung doesn’t. He knows some of them doesn’t bother to so he often goes raiding the members space. Letting them know he’s been here.
“With whom are we doing the match up with?”
“B1A4.”
Kyung felt something stirring inside of him at the sight of Jiho’s nearly falling off the couch; grin wide on his face while saying that things are going to be awesome.
The B1A4 members are really well-mannered, Kyung concludes after doing the opening shoot with them. Kyung put on some distances between them though, because their CNU and youngest are giraffes.
Jiho seems to be getting along very friendly with them. Kyung’s not saying he’s upset or anything. It’s good for the team if they build up a lot of connection in the music industry, he knows that as much as the leader. But when Jiho goes to stand beside the other group’s leader, Kyung realizes how different Block B is. Jiho with his braided hair and rough features compared to B1A4 leader soft, wolf like face. A beautiful flower boy. He is the image of the mainstream idol world. The type fans go crazy for.
Kyung wonders when did he started to have this thought of being just like them. It’s not you, he tells himself. I’m fine the way I am.
But when they return back to the dorm that night, Kyung catches himself staying a bit longer in the bathroom; staring into his reflection with his palm stroking down his jaw.
They manage to finish off the show and make friends with the coordi noonas and producers. Kyung thinks it’s because of Block B honest and dumb way of communicating that has the staff feeling easy around them. Their relationship with their co-workers, B1A4, have gotten close too if Kyung would admit. But there’s still one thing he doesn’t completely grasp and understand.
“Why do you like them so much?” The rapper asks, swirling in the office chair and producing an ear-splitting squeaking sound.
He’s in the recording room now with Jiho and night time is the best time to get some muse. Kyung doesn’t remember when the last time he hangs out alone with the leader. Jiho’s been quite busy lately, and it hurts to say that he doesn’t have time for Kyung anymore. So, right now they’re alone together, wearing thick sweaters and sweatshirts with dark circles enough to eat up their eyes.
“Who?” Jiho asks him this time, twisting on his seat to look at Kyung directly. The leader has his brow raises and slant eyes slightly wider than usual. He must be running out of gas, Kyung thinks. They’ve been working hard lately.
“B1A4, I mean. Especially that Jinyoung guy. You seem to like him more than the standard friend-friend limits.” Kyung says matter-of-fact. It sounds a bit weird now that Kyung rewinds it back in his head. From Jiho’s face, he could definitely read the ‘no homo’ reaction sprawling on his facial expression and Kyung realizes; Jiho’s never really change.
Just, maybe, grew up a little. His friend is always one step ahead, Kyung acknowledges that, but he never realizes just how much he’s falling behind and he silently ponders if he’ll ever catch up and closes the gap once more so that he could grab Jiho’s shoulder and make him turn, turn around and look at him again. How desperately he wanted those eyes back on him.
The clock is 3.15 a.m and Kyung starts to feel his eyelids getting heavy, as if there’s little fairy putting rocks there so that it will shut close and never open again. Between taking care of their image - did they even have an image? - and losing their beauty sleep, it’s a struggle to get rid of those eye bags and dark circles. Kyung with his big doe eyes, dark circles and eye bags are easily spotted; he shares the same fate as Jaehyo and Minhyuk. But Jiho is persistence in getting this tape done, today.
Not that he’s not passionate about getting their album finish soon, especially since muse is sacred and every minute counts, but because they’ve been sitting there for so long and Jiho’s barely even talking to him. Kyung’s sleep-deprive eyes stare blankly at Jiho’s hutched back, trying to count the number of spine as if he could see the skeleton of his friend.
When all attempt fail, he got up from the couch and walk over to the door, all of this without even having Jiho sparing a glance at him. “I’m going to get some coffee, alright?” Jiho replies with a distracted hum, which is enough to him - even though it’s not enough for his heart.
The hallway is empty, and the only sound that can hear is the sound of hot water pouring into the paper cup. It’s hot, but at cold times like this, it’s a nice sting to his hand. He makes Jiho’s favorite coffee; they know each other so well after all. Dark and Bitter. He tries not to be sappy and thinks about how it perfectly describes the way things are now.
He adjust his spectacles, the frame is too big honestly but they said it make him look good and goes well with his spiked hair. Jiho didn’t think much less though, because he’s probably too caught up in his new braided hair and the collection of hello kitty stuff. Their leader is so weird, Kyung thinks. But even if he’s a bit weird, everyone loves him.
“Jeez, why am I getting jealous of him.” Kyung mumbles to himself, setting the cup down to ruffle his hair. Lately, the little flying fairies on his shoulder are at war, Jiho doesn’t really seem to be like what they used to be and Kyung feels himself drifting apart from the world. He thinks he’s prepared enough for the entertainment world, knows what to expect and the consequences but what he looked with a blind eye was the things that happened inside.
Sighing, he pushes the studio’s door open with both hands curling around their cup of coffee. “Sorry, your cup is a bit warm now.” He says slightly guiltily and settles the paper cups on the coffee table. Jiho doesn’t reply, instead, laughs his ass off at something he’s reading on the internet. “Dude, check this out. Our fans are wickedly awesome.” There’s a tone at his voice as if he’s picking up girls on the street and Kyung drags a chair beside him to check what all the fuss is about.
“Look how they edit it so nicely!”
Kyung tries not to cringe or jerk away when he catches on what Jiho is looking at. “Dude, that sick!” He tries to keep his voice on the edge of excitement but honestly, he really feels sick to the stomach. Jiho spin back to him, face still grinning wide and reach out for the nearest long object he could find, which right now, is an innocent microphone laying by.
“I can see the resemblance! Man, why didn’t I notice this bef-“ Kyung feels like he is about to throw up. All Jiho seems to be doing is laughing now, having failed to finish up his sentence. “O-Oh! I’m dying! Kyung, s-save me!”
Grumbling, Kyung kicks his friend chair away, hard, making Jiho spin off across the room and hits the nearest static object and fell over while letting out a shrilled scream. The microphone that is lying untouched again pricks Kyung a bit. “Well, it’s better than that green devil of a cucumber...” He says to himself, sighing softly before pushing the microphone away and closing the website Jiho had opened. Time to get back to work.
Few days have passed since the last awful joke but it has never left his mind and he had just enough. He knows Jiho didn’t mean anything bad, even if lately he’s been feeling like some kind of second choice product. He knows Block B will make it far, he sees the potential and they’ll make it into the high life but he’s afraid, as the popularity grows what if the joke grows also? Will he be able to handle it, he doesn’t think so. It sickening him a little how much he let this insecurity grow on him but it did and now he’s pretty much flying off the handle ad he’s afraid what’s going to affect Block B this way. Is he being selfish was the thought that run through his mind the most. He feels guilt eating him up as he looks into the mirror after getting the surgery done. He doesn’t regret it but feels cold nervous settle in his stomach. Taking a deep breath through his nose, he thinks it’s time to head home and face them.
The door easily unlocks as he keys in the code and it let out a chirping noise as he turns the knob. The dorm is as messy as it was since Kyung left a few days ago. He had gotten up early with the lark, the sun had not risen yet but he’s worried his resolved might shake if he were to stay and see the members. When he thinks back, it must be really suspicious and some of them might know what’s up and returning dead in the night only makes things more suspicious but that’s the only thing he could think of doing honestly. Left when no one is there and returning just the same.
“They forget to turn off the light.” The dorm is dimly lit, granted for the blazing light coming from the kitchen and the buzzing noise of the television. Kyung steps inside, feeling heavy and his jaw ache in ways he knows he deserves. No pain no gain, they said.
Just then he notices a figure lurking around in the kitchen and he tenses. This isn’t how he had planned. He expects to see them maybe later in the day, not in the dead of night so early. One more step towards the corridor then maybe he wouldn’t notice Kyung creeping around.
“Where have you been?” The figure says, knocking the air of out him. He recognizes the voice as Minhyuk’s and suddenly, all the dialogs that he has been preparing in his mind for the past few days disappear. Kyung breaths in as he turns to look at the older, who is leaning by the counter, steaming hot cup of ramen peeled open. Minhyuk crooks a brow as he takes in the younger appearance, before letting out a sigh. “How do I say this; yes, I... well, we maybe have been expecting this to happen but it still knock us out to see you actually go for it.”
Kyung looks surprise at this, did they knew? Minhyuk let out a soft laugh. “You were pretty down lately, and you avoided us like we were carrying some sort of virus.” Kyung eyes turn downcast at this. He didn’t mean for things to turn out that way. “The day you left, you might have noticed that none of us really worked our way to contact you. We kind of knew why you disappear.” He says with his voice falling to their normal, emotionless tone and his face once more turn stoic, with only the eyes making room for the conversation to continue.
“Hey, can you talk?” Kyung nods his head. Although his jaw does hurts, he can make some coherent noises. “Why did none of you tell me anything?” Kyung didn’t mean for it to come out as hurtful like that. But right now, everything kind of aches. “Like I said, you’re off like a shot every time any of us tried to approach you.”
“So you’re kind of saying that it’s my fault?” Kyung says with the edge of his voice sounds choke.
“Kyung, listen. I’m not trying to pick up a fight with you.” Minhyuk sigh as he looked over at him. “What you did, none of us really minded, especially me. Who am I to judge you when I did the same?” Kyung gulps a little because as the conversation stretches out, he feels the air thickens and if this keeps on, he might spills out all his secrets. “I’m just trying to say to you, Kyung, that are you sure this is the right thing? You’re not going to regret this?”
Kyung finds himself mute. The same question been replaying in his mind and till this moment, he still can’t answer it.
“I don’t know, but I think it’s best if you leave and come back later when you’re ready to tell all of us.” Minhyuk voice sounds welcoming, like he’s understand what is Kyung going through and wants the best for the younger and he’s grateful for that yet this actually means he’s just making things worse. Was he really selfish for doing this since now things just turn difficult. “I’m saying this because others might not be able to take the news very well, with the way you were acting and leaving so suddenly before returning just like that.”
“I didn’t mean for things to turn out like this…” Kyung mutters quietly, shoulders slump in defeat. He just wants the teasing to stop, he just want things to be how they were before Block B were a thing. He just wants the old Jiho back but now, he’s the one that really is stuck in a puddle. Minhyuk hummed as he replies, “Well, sometimes things don’t really go as planned.” Kyung doesn’t really want the situation to stretch out any longer but the older might be right so after exchanging goodbye and goodnight, Kyung leaves from his home once more.
It takes him another week for him to sort everything out. The hiatus really gives him the perfect time to think through. Kyung gotten some text messages but he made an oath not to look at them until he sees the members face to face. Then he can face his fears and tell them everything, hear what they want to say and sort this out. Well, that’s the plan of course and he hopes things will go through. He calls the company up to gather Block B there at a designated time and date and when the time arrives, Kyung made sure everyone is there before he enters the room.
Everyone eyes are on him and strangely, the same eyes that he can look into every day and laughs to their stupid jokes, he can’t look at them today. The tension hanging in the air so thick he feels suffocating. Everybody is silent, waiting for the one to speak up, which, Kyung is sure that it’s him. Taking a deep breath, he stands in front of his band mates and made a 90 degrees bow. There is a shuffled of feet and a few gasp, but Kyung made no move to get up yet.
“I’m really sorry for making things hard for the past few days and not being a good band mate.” Kyung firmly keep his hands planted on his sides, trying to steadying his voice. “I’m sorry for disrupting the peace and making everyone uncomfortable.” Slowly, he raises himself once more and closes his eyes as he takes another breath. “If you guys have any questions, please ask me now.”
For the first time, he gets to take a good look at them. Most of them looked quite serious, save for Jihoon who has this bewildered look on his face. Jiho eyes are staring hard at his mask on his jaw and Kyung keeps himself steady, trying not to break into insecurity.
“Why did you do this? Why didn’t you tell me anything?” Jiho voice sounds rasp and mainly confuse.
Kyung is expecting this. He did so many scripts in his mind, erased them and rewrites them all over again before ending up throwing all of them in the bin. He figures the best way to answer this is face on with what he’s been keeping for a while.
“I thought things were okay. You probably know I got a big ego on how I look.” Kyung stops to let out a laugh. “But you know, the thing that kept me being like that the most was you. So when you sway away, looking so blissfully engulfed with other people who… look much better, my confidences swayed too.”
“What are you trying to say?” Jiho asks; his brow burrows together and a few lines appear on his forehead.
“I’m not blaming you though. No one is to blame except me. However, I don’t want to regret this. I don’t really know how the fans will think about this, but I don’t want them to feel guilty also. I guess I just wanted some comfort, one that would last me for eternity.” Kyung confident voice trailed off to a nervous, shuddered breath and he gently touches the mask, trying to shake away the harboring guilt and anxiety.
There is a pregnant silence, and it feels like the longest silences Kyung ever had before Jiho break out in a fit. “Ah! Man, this sucks.”
“Well, we don’t really mind you doing surgery Kyung. I mean, I know you did it not to flaunt your beauty and just want to overcome a potentially harming insecurity.” Jaehyo says with a nod of his head as he gaze over him, the corners of his lips tugging upwards. “I mean, I know how bad it must have felt to suddenly have your ego wavered like that.”
“Though I wish you would consult with us before doing anything, it doesn’t really matter now, right?” Yukwon smiles at him and Taeil gives an approving nod. “What matters is that you’re happy. You did it for a reasonable thing of course!” Jihoon grins and Kyung finds the weight on his shoulder suddenly gone. He feels light, something he haven’t feel for a while.
“I’ll admit Kyung would probably give me a run for my money once the mask comes off.” Jaehyo pouts just a little bit and his eyes squish into small slanted shapes, playfully glaring at him and the members laugh along.
“You know what’s perfect right now? Group hug!”
The members groan but they fell into a tight group hug anyway with each squishing Kyung in the middle and suddenly, he feels quite at home as if they are family who really cares about each other and he’s maybe on to something.
Poll