#57 [EXO, Suho/Kai]
Fandom: EXO
Title: Sizzle
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Suho/Kai
Length: 2,336 words
Summary:
Notes: Dearest keuriwoseo, it was such a pleasure to go through your masterlist! Your prose is just amazing ♥ Thank you for giving me the opportunity to remix one of your fics! :) Also, to Y, thank you for holding my hand through the tough ficcing times. :)
Remixee author: keuriwoseo
Title of work you remixed: fizzle
Link to work you remixed: http://keuriwoseo.livejournal.com/20812.html#cutid3
i. The first time Joonmyun smokes is on SM Entertainment's rooftop, at half past three in the afternoon, with Jongin's hand cupped in front of the stick between his lips. He's seen Jongin do this countless times, taken a whiff off the jet of smoke Jongin blows into the air, but it's the first time he's doing it - smoking first-hand - and he can feel a strange surge of energy coursing through his body as he takes a long drag, filling his lungs.
"Don't blow too hard or too fast. Breathe it out slowly, like this."
Jongin grabs Joonmyun by the shoulders so that they're facing each other. Jongin parts his lips just slightly, formng a small 'o', and moves his lower lip as he blows, puffing out a stready stream of smoke. There's something akin to a childish, smug smile on Jongin's lips when he finishes, and Joonmyun finds himself staring longer than the usual.
Joonmyun takes an even longer drag of smoke, but coughs halfway through. "Careful," Jongin says, rubbing circles on his back. "Take it easy. It's your first time."
The first time Jongin told him that was when they attempted to dance DBSK's Mirotic for the very first time. The art of gyrating his hips in the air eluded Joonmyun back then, when he was worse a dancer than he was now. Back then, Jongin was too young to be training with SM and Joonmyun was feeling a bit too old for this, and Jongin rubbed circles on his back as he threw up in the men's bathroom - from the stress, the pressure, or fatigue, he didn't know. "Take it easy, hyung," Jongin had said. "Just take it easy." Only two years later was he able to translate Jongin's seemingly harmless words into, Fuck this, you're tired. You can't dance anymore. Let's have a smoke.
He takes a short drag from the stick and lets out a stream of smoke. "There you go," Jongin comments, visibly proud of himself and of Joonmyun.
It's 2010 and Joonmyun is still hanging out with Jongin in the rooftop. It's been three years and he's not sure if he can keep training, if he still wants this. Nothing much has changed from when he first came to SM, or when Jongin joined the group, or when Chanyeol was added and SHINee debuted and Joonmyun watched Jonghyun and Jinki wave him goodbye, telling him, "Come see our first stage?" It's still the same old Joonmyun and Jongin, and the chances of debuting are slimmer than ever.
"We should go back," Jongin says after a while, passing him half of what he smoked earlier. "Go. You need it more than I do."
"But this is your wish stick."
Jongin waves it off and chuckles. "Just take it."
Joonmyun tentatively places the stick between his lips and recalls the way Jongin wraps his lips around the cigarette, the way Jongin breathes out with a mouthful of smoke, the subtle movement of his lower lip making all the difference. With one last drag, he drops the butt to the ground and puts it out, stepping on the part where the cigarette burns.
Jongin tugs at his wrist and pulls him back inside. There's still some smoke lodged at his throat. It burns.
ii. There's news of another boy band debuting circulating in the company. "I bet you that's not us," Chanyeol comments, half-serious despite the grin on his lips. Joonmyun wonders briefly if it will be a good idea to kick Chanyeol in the shins right now, or if it would be better to puff smoke down Chanyeol's throat as a response.
"He's right, you know," Joonmyun says later, when he and Jongin are on the rooftop again. He moves closer to where Jongin is, then points at the stick between Jongin's fingers. "Chanyeol, I mean. Won't be surprised if they're just saying that to take attention away from the girl group they're forming."
"You're overthinking this."
"And you're underthinking this," Joonmyun says in thoughtless retaliation.
Jongin blows smoke at Joonmyun's face. "You're welcome."
It's ten minutes 'til the end of their break time. Joonmyun briefly talks about a discovery, one he got from spending too much time with Chanyeol. "The police use Coca-cola to clean blood stains off roads after an accident, did you know," he says to no one in particular, but Jongin lets out a sound of acknowledgement, like he'd like to know more, so Joonmyung continues, "Something to do with the acidity level and stuff like that, eats away at the stains and corrodes them so that they're easier to clean."
"Creepy," Jongin says, frowning.
"Cool," Joonmyun replies, laughing a bit. He then reaches for the stick between Jongin's lips and takes a long drag off it, inhaling deeply.
Jongin narrows his eyes at him and, instantly, Joonmyun knows he's in trouble. "Don't you have singing lessons later," Jongin asks, and Joonmyun just shrugs and waves him off as if saying, just this once.
Jongin moves closer so that their cheeks touch, so that he can steal the stick from Joonmyun, but Joonmyun is fast to defend himself, grazing the end of the stick on Jongin's face, in the process. Jongin seethes at the contact and consequently grumbles; Joonmyun just laughs, pinches him in his side, and plants a soft kiss where it stings the most.
"Just this once," Joonmyun says, this time out loud. Jongin furrows his eyebrows for a while, then snatches the cigarette from Joonmyun when he doesn't get an answer.
Five more minutes of playful banter, of Joonmyun drumming fingers on the back of Jongin's hand, of Joonmyun playing with their fingers until their hands find a perfect fit. Five more minutes to spare, so Joonmyun cranes his neck and presses a chaste kiss on Jongin's lips that sends Jongin blowing all too early, a stolen kiss turning into a shotgun one.
Joonmyun sees the scar on Jongin's cheek burning a bright shade of red. Jongin nips at his lower lip and Joonmyun laughs a little. It stings.
iii. The unimaginable happens: the rumor turns out to be true, and Joonmyun is assigned as the leader.
"I can't do it," is the first thing he says. Immediately, he clasps his hands over his mouth; if he's ever acted on impulse, it's only been on coffee and food-related matters. So he makes up for the slip up and rushes, "I'll... do my best," and wears his best smile, the one that rips through his face.
Later, over a shared cigarette stick, Jongin declares, "I'm sure you'll do well. Great, even." He puffs out a steady stream of smoke before continuing, "The best there ever was."
Joonmyun takes a deep breath, takes a whiff of the wisps of smoke from Jongin's lips, and closes his eyes. He starts imagining - their debut stage, studio lights focused on them, the cheers of fans blaring in their ears. He imagines sharing the same stage as Jongin, finally performing that song they've rehearsed at least a hundred times already, imagines living in the same quarters as Jongin - with at least four more people. He jolts in his seat and coughs, wheezes, before attempting to steal the cigarette stick from Jongin.
"You okay?"
Joonmyun nods and gestures at the stick. "Need. To smoke. Right now."
Jongin smiles a little, takes a long drag from the stick, then kisses Joonmyun on the lips.
Joonmyun's discomfort with the debuting ordeal doesn't stem from debuting this late into the game; it's sharing Jongin with other people that makes him feel uneasy. It's pretty selfish, but Joonmyun has always been so willing to share the limelight with someone, to share whatever he has to people who don't even ask. Jongin is the best thing that has happened to him since he made a decision to enter the entertainment industry. It's only natural for Joonmyun to want to keep Jongin to himself. It's but natural to be selfish.
"Maybe we should just go back to being friends," he says out of the blue. He diverts his attention to where a cigarette stick should be but Jongin's taking a long drag at the moment, much longer than the usual. "We should just be friends."
"Hyung?" Jongin coughs.
Joonmyun takes a deep breath at the sound of Jongin's voice. He doesn't have to look at Jongin to know that Jongin's eyes are now laced with confusion, wide and disbelieving. "We need to stop this - the touching, the kissing. The sex." Joonmyun blows into the air but nothing comes out, just an empty sob. "We should just be friends. Yeah."
"Why."
Joonmyun forces a smile to surface on his lips. "We're debuting soon. That's... great news, right?" He chuckles a little and promptly cringes at the sound of his own voice.
"That's never stopped us before!"
"You don't understand!"
Joonmyun hands are shaking. They're eye-to-eye now, and Joonmyun can feel himself being shred to many unattractive pieces. Jongin's lips are trembling and Joonmyun knows he'll regret hearing whatever Jongin has to say, so he leans in briefly, whispers, "Trust me on this. Just-" but Jongin presses lips on his softly, almost hesitantly. "I love you, hyung," is all that Jongin has to say to break Joonmyun's resolve, and Joonmyun closes his eyes as he rests his forehead against Jongin's, the end of the cigarette stick burning a bright orange between them.
("We're debuting soon."
Joonmyun almost jumps at the sound of a foreign voice. The rest of the group has already gone home - supposedly - and Jongin texted just a few minutes ago that he's waiting upstairs and hyung come and get meee! When Joonmyun looks over his shoulder, the sight of Chanyeol and a cup of coffee welcomes him; also, an impending sermon that starts with, "You can't keep straining yourself."
Joonmyun laughs a little. "I'm packing up, can't you see? And it's just 8 p.m.. I'll be able to get enough rest when I get home."
"Oh are you, really?" Chanyeol takes a sip from his iced coffee and lightly waves the cup of coffee in front of Joonmyun's face. "Or is Jongin waiting in the fire exit?"
"You're not supposed to know that."
"And you're not supposed to be doing this."
Chanyeol grabs him by the wrists, making him stop in his tracks and look up. "Look, I'm not saying that you have to stop doing whatever you're doing. It's just that- We're not sure if the others will be accepting of who you are."
"Of what we are."
Chanyeol laughs a little. "Yes. Of what we are."
Joonmyun takes a deep breath. "I'll take care of this," he tells Chanyeol, then places a reassuring hand on Chanyeol's shoulder. "Trust your hyung."
Chanyeol's eyes soften and, soon, Chanyeol envelops him in a bone-crushing hug. "Three months until debut," Chanyeol whispers, and Joonmyun chuckles, pushes back the words lodged at his throat, an empty promise that says, Things will work out. We'll make it work.
Just trust hyung. Trust me.)
iv. Debut comes. Their schedule is packed with radio and television guestings. Joonmyun barely ever smokes these days, primarily because there are a thousand eyes on them at any given period of the day, and Jongin's always more than a touch away. Management has dictated for Jongin and Sehun to get much closer, for Jongin to throw the occasional shy smile in Kyungsoo's direction, and for Kyungsoo to respond with a grin too enthusiastic, it almost makes Joonmyun sick. Chanyeol doesn't run into any trouble with Baekhyun and his attempts at getting more than an embrace or a smile or a light punch on the arm. And Joonmyun has to take a step back to witness all of these happening simultaneously, the voice at the back of his head talking him into doing unspeakable things and grabbing Jongin by the wrist just so they can have a smoke on the rooftop.
So when Jongin walks up to him one time, after practice, hands in the pockets of his hands and the same old childish smile on his lips, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Quick smoke? Five minutes?"
Jongin fishes for a pack of cigarettes in his pocket and flashes it quickly. Joonmyun grins, excuses himself from the rest of the group, and heads to the roofdeck.
It's cold out. Joonmyun hasn't been here in a while. Debuting meant getting as much rest as possible and making the most out of trips between schedules. It meant substituting happiness with coffee and cheers from fans, skipping cigarette breaks. It meant having to wait for Jongin to arrive because he doesn't have a single stick with him, and he knows Jongin bought lights and not menthols.
Jongin arrives two minutes after, a stick already between his lips, waiting to be lit. Out of habit, Joonmyun steals it from Jongin when Jongin sits beside him, and Jongin chuckles. "Sorry," Joonmyun says, and Jongin just laughs, then rests his head on Joonmyun's shoulder.
"This sucks," Jongin whispers, and Joonmyun nods slowly, then offers Jongin the stick. He can feel the slow-forming smile on Jongin's lips, Jongin relaxing his muscles as he lets out some smoke, some steam.
There are no words, just a cigarette stick passed back and forth between two figures in the dark. Joonmyun thinks of starting over, of rewriting the past and removing stains of sin. He sees an image of Jongin in the stream of smoke passing between his lips. He sees the future.
He leans his head on Jongin's own and closes his eyes.
v. Three soft knocks on the door tells them it's time to leave, and that Chanyeol is on the other side of the door.
Joonmyun lets the stick fall to the ground. Jongin presses his foot firmly where the stick burns the brightest. They dust themselves off and Joonmyun counts to three before turning the knob.
The show must go on.
Title: Sizzle
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Suho/Kai
Length: 2,336 words
Summary:
Notes: Dearest keuriwoseo, it was such a pleasure to go through your masterlist! Your prose is just amazing ♥ Thank you for giving me the opportunity to remix one of your fics! :) Also, to Y, thank you for holding my hand through the tough ficcing times. :)
Remixee author: keuriwoseo
Title of work you remixed: fizzle
Link to work you remixed: http://keuriwoseo.livejournal.com/20812.html#cutid3
i. The first time Joonmyun smokes is on SM Entertainment's rooftop, at half past three in the afternoon, with Jongin's hand cupped in front of the stick between his lips. He's seen Jongin do this countless times, taken a whiff off the jet of smoke Jongin blows into the air, but it's the first time he's doing it - smoking first-hand - and he can feel a strange surge of energy coursing through his body as he takes a long drag, filling his lungs.
"Don't blow too hard or too fast. Breathe it out slowly, like this."
Jongin grabs Joonmyun by the shoulders so that they're facing each other. Jongin parts his lips just slightly, formng a small 'o', and moves his lower lip as he blows, puffing out a stready stream of smoke. There's something akin to a childish, smug smile on Jongin's lips when he finishes, and Joonmyun finds himself staring longer than the usual.
Joonmyun takes an even longer drag of smoke, but coughs halfway through. "Careful," Jongin says, rubbing circles on his back. "Take it easy. It's your first time."
The first time Jongin told him that was when they attempted to dance DBSK's Mirotic for the very first time. The art of gyrating his hips in the air eluded Joonmyun back then, when he was worse a dancer than he was now. Back then, Jongin was too young to be training with SM and Joonmyun was feeling a bit too old for this, and Jongin rubbed circles on his back as he threw up in the men's bathroom - from the stress, the pressure, or fatigue, he didn't know. "Take it easy, hyung," Jongin had said. "Just take it easy." Only two years later was he able to translate Jongin's seemingly harmless words into, Fuck this, you're tired. You can't dance anymore. Let's have a smoke.
He takes a short drag from the stick and lets out a stream of smoke. "There you go," Jongin comments, visibly proud of himself and of Joonmyun.
It's 2010 and Joonmyun is still hanging out with Jongin in the rooftop. It's been three years and he's not sure if he can keep training, if he still wants this. Nothing much has changed from when he first came to SM, or when Jongin joined the group, or when Chanyeol was added and SHINee debuted and Joonmyun watched Jonghyun and Jinki wave him goodbye, telling him, "Come see our first stage?" It's still the same old Joonmyun and Jongin, and the chances of debuting are slimmer than ever.
"We should go back," Jongin says after a while, passing him half of what he smoked earlier. "Go. You need it more than I do."
"But this is your wish stick."
Jongin waves it off and chuckles. "Just take it."
Joonmyun tentatively places the stick between his lips and recalls the way Jongin wraps his lips around the cigarette, the way Jongin breathes out with a mouthful of smoke, the subtle movement of his lower lip making all the difference. With one last drag, he drops the butt to the ground and puts it out, stepping on the part where the cigarette burns.
Jongin tugs at his wrist and pulls him back inside. There's still some smoke lodged at his throat. It burns.
ii. There's news of another boy band debuting circulating in the company. "I bet you that's not us," Chanyeol comments, half-serious despite the grin on his lips. Joonmyun wonders briefly if it will be a good idea to kick Chanyeol in the shins right now, or if it would be better to puff smoke down Chanyeol's throat as a response.
"He's right, you know," Joonmyun says later, when he and Jongin are on the rooftop again. He moves closer to where Jongin is, then points at the stick between Jongin's fingers. "Chanyeol, I mean. Won't be surprised if they're just saying that to take attention away from the girl group they're forming."
"You're overthinking this."
"And you're underthinking this," Joonmyun says in thoughtless retaliation.
Jongin blows smoke at Joonmyun's face. "You're welcome."
It's ten minutes 'til the end of their break time. Joonmyun briefly talks about a discovery, one he got from spending too much time with Chanyeol. "The police use Coca-cola to clean blood stains off roads after an accident, did you know," he says to no one in particular, but Jongin lets out a sound of acknowledgement, like he'd like to know more, so Joonmyung continues, "Something to do with the acidity level and stuff like that, eats away at the stains and corrodes them so that they're easier to clean."
"Creepy," Jongin says, frowning.
"Cool," Joonmyun replies, laughing a bit. He then reaches for the stick between Jongin's lips and takes a long drag off it, inhaling deeply.
Jongin narrows his eyes at him and, instantly, Joonmyun knows he's in trouble. "Don't you have singing lessons later," Jongin asks, and Joonmyun just shrugs and waves him off as if saying, just this once.
Jongin moves closer so that their cheeks touch, so that he can steal the stick from Joonmyun, but Joonmyun is fast to defend himself, grazing the end of the stick on Jongin's face, in the process. Jongin seethes at the contact and consequently grumbles; Joonmyun just laughs, pinches him in his side, and plants a soft kiss where it stings the most.
"Just this once," Joonmyun says, this time out loud. Jongin furrows his eyebrows for a while, then snatches the cigarette from Joonmyun when he doesn't get an answer.
Five more minutes of playful banter, of Joonmyun drumming fingers on the back of Jongin's hand, of Joonmyun playing with their fingers until their hands find a perfect fit. Five more minutes to spare, so Joonmyun cranes his neck and presses a chaste kiss on Jongin's lips that sends Jongin blowing all too early, a stolen kiss turning into a shotgun one.
Joonmyun sees the scar on Jongin's cheek burning a bright shade of red. Jongin nips at his lower lip and Joonmyun laughs a little. It stings.
iii. The unimaginable happens: the rumor turns out to be true, and Joonmyun is assigned as the leader.
"I can't do it," is the first thing he says. Immediately, he clasps his hands over his mouth; if he's ever acted on impulse, it's only been on coffee and food-related matters. So he makes up for the slip up and rushes, "I'll... do my best," and wears his best smile, the one that rips through his face.
Later, over a shared cigarette stick, Jongin declares, "I'm sure you'll do well. Great, even." He puffs out a steady stream of smoke before continuing, "The best there ever was."
Joonmyun takes a deep breath, takes a whiff of the wisps of smoke from Jongin's lips, and closes his eyes. He starts imagining - their debut stage, studio lights focused on them, the cheers of fans blaring in their ears. He imagines sharing the same stage as Jongin, finally performing that song they've rehearsed at least a hundred times already, imagines living in the same quarters as Jongin - with at least four more people. He jolts in his seat and coughs, wheezes, before attempting to steal the cigarette stick from Jongin.
"You okay?"
Joonmyun nods and gestures at the stick. "Need. To smoke. Right now."
Jongin smiles a little, takes a long drag from the stick, then kisses Joonmyun on the lips.
Joonmyun's discomfort with the debuting ordeal doesn't stem from debuting this late into the game; it's sharing Jongin with other people that makes him feel uneasy. It's pretty selfish, but Joonmyun has always been so willing to share the limelight with someone, to share whatever he has to people who don't even ask. Jongin is the best thing that has happened to him since he made a decision to enter the entertainment industry. It's only natural for Joonmyun to want to keep Jongin to himself. It's but natural to be selfish.
"Maybe we should just go back to being friends," he says out of the blue. He diverts his attention to where a cigarette stick should be but Jongin's taking a long drag at the moment, much longer than the usual. "We should just be friends."
"Hyung?" Jongin coughs.
Joonmyun takes a deep breath at the sound of Jongin's voice. He doesn't have to look at Jongin to know that Jongin's eyes are now laced with confusion, wide and disbelieving. "We need to stop this - the touching, the kissing. The sex." Joonmyun blows into the air but nothing comes out, just an empty sob. "We should just be friends. Yeah."
"Why."
Joonmyun forces a smile to surface on his lips. "We're debuting soon. That's... great news, right?" He chuckles a little and promptly cringes at the sound of his own voice.
"That's never stopped us before!"
"You don't understand!"
Joonmyun hands are shaking. They're eye-to-eye now, and Joonmyun can feel himself being shred to many unattractive pieces. Jongin's lips are trembling and Joonmyun knows he'll regret hearing whatever Jongin has to say, so he leans in briefly, whispers, "Trust me on this. Just-" but Jongin presses lips on his softly, almost hesitantly. "I love you, hyung," is all that Jongin has to say to break Joonmyun's resolve, and Joonmyun closes his eyes as he rests his forehead against Jongin's, the end of the cigarette stick burning a bright orange between them.
("We're debuting soon."
Joonmyun almost jumps at the sound of a foreign voice. The rest of the group has already gone home - supposedly - and Jongin texted just a few minutes ago that he's waiting upstairs and hyung come and get meee! When Joonmyun looks over his shoulder, the sight of Chanyeol and a cup of coffee welcomes him; also, an impending sermon that starts with, "You can't keep straining yourself."
Joonmyun laughs a little. "I'm packing up, can't you see? And it's just 8 p.m.. I'll be able to get enough rest when I get home."
"Oh are you, really?" Chanyeol takes a sip from his iced coffee and lightly waves the cup of coffee in front of Joonmyun's face. "Or is Jongin waiting in the fire exit?"
"You're not supposed to know that."
"And you're not supposed to be doing this."
Chanyeol grabs him by the wrists, making him stop in his tracks and look up. "Look, I'm not saying that you have to stop doing whatever you're doing. It's just that- We're not sure if the others will be accepting of who you are."
"Of what we are."
Chanyeol laughs a little. "Yes. Of what we are."
Joonmyun takes a deep breath. "I'll take care of this," he tells Chanyeol, then places a reassuring hand on Chanyeol's shoulder. "Trust your hyung."
Chanyeol's eyes soften and, soon, Chanyeol envelops him in a bone-crushing hug. "Three months until debut," Chanyeol whispers, and Joonmyun chuckles, pushes back the words lodged at his throat, an empty promise that says, Things will work out. We'll make it work.
Just trust hyung. Trust me.)
iv. Debut comes. Their schedule is packed with radio and television guestings. Joonmyun barely ever smokes these days, primarily because there are a thousand eyes on them at any given period of the day, and Jongin's always more than a touch away. Management has dictated for Jongin and Sehun to get much closer, for Jongin to throw the occasional shy smile in Kyungsoo's direction, and for Kyungsoo to respond with a grin too enthusiastic, it almost makes Joonmyun sick. Chanyeol doesn't run into any trouble with Baekhyun and his attempts at getting more than an embrace or a smile or a light punch on the arm. And Joonmyun has to take a step back to witness all of these happening simultaneously, the voice at the back of his head talking him into doing unspeakable things and grabbing Jongin by the wrist just so they can have a smoke on the rooftop.
So when Jongin walks up to him one time, after practice, hands in the pockets of his hands and the same old childish smile on his lips, the first thing that comes to mind is, "Quick smoke? Five minutes?"
Jongin fishes for a pack of cigarettes in his pocket and flashes it quickly. Joonmyun grins, excuses himself from the rest of the group, and heads to the roofdeck.
It's cold out. Joonmyun hasn't been here in a while. Debuting meant getting as much rest as possible and making the most out of trips between schedules. It meant substituting happiness with coffee and cheers from fans, skipping cigarette breaks. It meant having to wait for Jongin to arrive because he doesn't have a single stick with him, and he knows Jongin bought lights and not menthols.
Jongin arrives two minutes after, a stick already between his lips, waiting to be lit. Out of habit, Joonmyun steals it from Jongin when Jongin sits beside him, and Jongin chuckles. "Sorry," Joonmyun says, and Jongin just laughs, then rests his head on Joonmyun's shoulder.
"This sucks," Jongin whispers, and Joonmyun nods slowly, then offers Jongin the stick. He can feel the slow-forming smile on Jongin's lips, Jongin relaxing his muscles as he lets out some smoke, some steam.
There are no words, just a cigarette stick passed back and forth between two figures in the dark. Joonmyun thinks of starting over, of rewriting the past and removing stains of sin. He sees an image of Jongin in the stream of smoke passing between his lips. He sees the future.
He leans his head on Jongin's own and closes his eyes.
v. Three soft knocks on the door tells them it's time to leave, and that Chanyeol is on the other side of the door.
Joonmyun lets the stick fall to the ground. Jongin presses his foot firmly where the stick burns the brightest. They dust themselves off and Joonmyun counts to three before turning the knob.
The show must go on.