#26 [EXO, Luhan/Sehun]
Fandom: EXO
Title: finding nowhere in somewhere
Rating: PG
Pairing(s)/Focus: Luhan/Sehun
Length: 2,738 words
Summary: Sehun is a wanderer trying to find Nowhere. When Luhan slips into his life, he sees the stars and the universe and the Milky Way in Luhan's eyes; he also finds Somewhere by Luhan's side.
Warnings: None.
Notes: to the wonderful aurics, i hope i didn't mangle your fic ;n; i kept quite a number of your original words intact because they were too beautiful to be changed. your writing style is really nice and i love your fics ;u; also, to everybody that will take their time to read my monster of a fic, thank you so much ;u;
Remixee author: aurics
Title of work you remixed: breaking stones with the wind
Link to work you remixed: http://aurics.livejournal.com/8851.html
The night ends softly, the stars slowly fading from their quiet magnificence as the moon and the sun trade places in the sky. The birds sing a happy song as they fleet from one tree branch to another, dewdrops drop onto the floor in staccato, one two three, one two three.
Sehun blinks the sleep from his eyes, stretches to untie the knots in his back, and runs thin fingers through frazzled hair. He soundlessly settles himself in the back of the pick-up truck, and breathes mist through thin, purple lips. The driver starts the engine. Slowly, steadily, the town becomes smaller and smaller, until it is but a spot in the distance before finally dissipating into a fleeting memory.
Accompanied by a spider playing hide-and-seek among the crevices, legs long and slender, a melodious kill the spider and it will rain rings somewhere in his head and Sehun shakes it away. Grey trees, grey rocks, grey everything pass by in a blur of black and white as the truck stumbles over potholes and uneven roads that lead to somewhere. Wind wheezes past Sehun’s ear and his teeth chatter.
“Where ya headin’ to?” The man at the wheel rasps out through yellowed teeth.
Sehun’s eyes follow the spider, now dangling precariously on the edge of the pick-up. It doesn’t stop when it reaches the boundary between metal and road - so it falls, falls over the edge and Sehun bids it an unsaid goodbye.
“Nowhere,” Sehun says, eyes meeting with the man’s in the rearview mirror, “can you do that?
They drive past sleeping towns and sleeping people and roads that lead to Somewheres. Sehun shifts slightly, straightening his back against the pick-up, the setting sun painting the horizon red and yellow and orange. He watches the road go in reverse, and wonders which Nowhere he’ll end up in this time.
Sehun blinks away at the rain pooling at his eyelashes, and runs his fingers through the tangles in his hair. The cold ground has his shoulders in knots again and the flat rock was a poor substitute for a pillow. It’s still drizzling, water coming down soft and gray and barely there, but it’s still drizzling, and his wet jeans stick to his legs like a second skin. One two three, one two three, on his head the water droplets dance, liquid dancing to a beat he can’t hear. The glass behind him is stained with moss, murky and green, but he can see a mess. The mess he made. His mess.
No. Sehun is a mess.
Sehun doesn’t remember stopping at this seemingly-abandoned town, small and quiet and bleak. Nameless. A Nowhere. A pair of children giggle with delight on their way to school, yellow bags a stark contrast to the grey of the rain, a mouse scampers past in search of shelter from the rain. Shelter. Sehun wonders if the lack of shelter makes him less of a mouse. He also wonders if the rain has anything to do with the spider he didn’t say goodbye to.
Sehun kicks a pebble from the curb and it tumbles aimlessly onto the road, and he doesn’t dwell long on the fact that he still doesn’t know where he is. He’s learnt to let go of minor things like names, learnt not to take meager things as much. He calls it Living Independently, others call it Heartless.
Sometimes though, when he sits and waits for a car or a truck or anything really, he wonders. Wonders how living bound to one thing or another feels like. Bound to time? You’d spend all of it calculating how much seconds you have left until Death comes knocking on your door. Bound to a job? Sehun scoffs. Some life you’ll be living. He fiddles with his watch, fiddles with time, just as a thought crosses his mind. He scoffs for the second time at the thought, but with a little less poison this time. He wonders.
Bound to someone else?
Sehun stops walking. He’s in the middle of yet another Nowhere, but it isn’t the Nowhere he’s looking for. He points his thumb skyward, eyes looking for the person that would bring him to his Nowhere. It’s still drizzling.
“Hey! Want a ride?” The voice brings Sehun out of his thoughts. It’s bright, clear - like the bells that ring above your head when you enter a coffee shop tucked in the crevices of a bustling city. Sehun is so used to raspy voices, yellowed teeth from cigarettes and beer, that when he looks up to see doe eyes that reflect stars and bright, blonde hair - he’s breathless. Sehun fights a mental battle, trying his best to keep himself from drowning, clawing at invisible waves with invisible hands.
“What I meant was, do you need a ride?” The man is still smiling, but Sehun can see the glint of mocking glee in his eyes.
Sehun brings back his voice with a cough, and he nods his head. “Yeah. I guess so.”
“Where are you heading to?”
Sehun squeezes the rain out of his pants, out of his shirt. He answers just like he did all the times before. “Nowhere. Nowhere, can you do that?”
Maybe it’s the twinkling he hears in his head when the man answers with a knowing smile, maybe it’s the sudden gust of wind, but Sehun’s heart skips a beat and he has his breath knocked out of him again. “Sure. Climb on.”
Sehun wordlessly walks to the back of the truck, jeans clinging to his legs like a second skin.
“Hey! You’re not riding back there!” He grins when Sehun shoots him a questioning look. He pats the empty seat next to him. “Don’t you want to see the road move in the right direction?”
Sehun wipes his hands on his jeans.
When Sehun settles into the front of the truck, for the first time, he feels like he is going Somewhere.
Some people are like powdered hot chocolate. They look soft and light at first; bursting with promises of sweetness and happiness. But then you add hot water, they turn dark and bitter; and you regret putting so much of them in the first place.
Some people are like buds waiting to bloom. They look reserved, quiet and unhappy. Maybe a little afraid of the world too. But when they bloom, their bright colours are capable of painting a million pictures.
Observing Luhan, Sehun isn’t quite sure which category the man falls into. He hums along to the indie music playing softly from the radio, doe eyes concentrated on nowhere. Just as Sehun thinks he’s about to fall asleep, Luhan cracks some lame, irrelevant joke.
“What did the ghost say to the wall?”
“Huh?”
“Hey, just passing through!” Then he’d slap his own thigh and laugh so hard it leaves him breathless, Sehun staring blankly at him.
“We’re really heading nowhere, huh.” Luhan lights the cigarette he placed between his lips, eyes reflecting the perpetually bare road lined with trees as grey as the sky. It’s been drizzling for so long now.
“To Nowhere. Nowhere with a capital N.” Sehun says, right hand picking the cigarette from Luhan’s lips and he takes a drag.
“You can’t say nowhere with a capital N. Then it wouldn’t be nowhere.” Luhan lights another cigarette.
“What do you know?”
“Well,” Luhan closes his eyes and the cigarette burns, “if you say nowhere with a capital N, then you’re specifying it. And when you specify something, it stops being an illusion, a mirage.”
The drive is continued in silence. When they’re both done smoking, the stubs are thrown out the window. Sehun can almost hear the sizzle when fire meets wet tar, and he speaks up.
“Who said it was an illusion?”
When the truck breaks down and Luhan breathes out a sigh of frustration, Sehun can feel the smile tugging at his lips. He wipes it away the moment Luhan turns to look at him, though.
Luhan smiles at him apologetically. “Would this Nowhere do for you?”
“Well,” he laughs, “I don’t think I have a choice.”
The mind - or rather, the heart - works in some rather strange ways.
The both of them lay on the grass, hands tucked behind heads as the sun sets, the sky painted a magnificent shade of red and orange and yellow. Soon, the stars wink at them from their position in the sky, and the moonlight caresses their faces. The blades of grass tickle Sehun’s face whenever he turns to look at Luhan - it’s hard not to, especially once he starts talking.
“That one, there,” he lifts a slender finger to point at one of the many, many stars, “that one is the most common constellation, Orion. It’s the easiest to spot.”
Sehun hums and tries not to sound as lost as he actually is.
“There’s also Perseus, Canis Major, Gemini - oh there! My favourite constellation,” he points excitedly and Sehun can see childish glee in his eyes, “Pegasus.”
Sehun laughs and Luhan elbows him disapprovingly in the ribs. “I’m sorry. It’s just, amongst all those constellations with cool names, your favourite one is called Pegasus.”
“Pegasi played important roles in Greek mythology.” He frowns, lips jutting out in a pout. “One Pegasus dug a spring, and all those that drank from it were grant with diving poetry skills.”
“Impressive.” Sehun scoots closer and Luhan rests his head on Sehun’s shoulder. Sehun tries not to think much of it. He’s not successful. “How do you know all this?”
“My mum,” it’s barely above a whisper and Luhan’s eyes never leave the star-filled sky. Sehun wishes Luhan would look at him like that. “The both of us used to go to the countryside during weekends, where we would spend the nights looking at the stars. She taught me all of the constellations, but only a few names stick.”
“Do you still go?”
Luhan laughs and it doesn’t sound like bells anymore, it sounds bitter and cold. “I wasn’t always like this, travelling from one Somewhere to the next. I used to be chained to a responsibility - always having to go with what my parents say. I had my whole life planned out before I could talk. Eventually, I got sick of it all.” He breathes in the starry night. “This. This is so much better.”
“Why didn’t you just talk it out with them?” Trying to understand someone that is bound to something is new to Sehun.
“I tried. Oh, how I tried.” Luhan’s fingers twirl around a blade of grass. “But it was like trying to fly to the moon with no wings.”
Just as Sehun is about to fall asleep to the murmurs of midnight, Luhan whispers.
“What’s yours?”
“What?”
“Your story.”
“I don’t have one.”
“You have got to have one. Everybody has one.” He props himself on one elbow and stares at Sehun. And for the first time, his bright brown eyes are in full view. “Come on. Tell me about your Nowhere, your Nowhere with a capital N.”
“It’s what it is. Nowhere.” Sehun tries his best to stare back, to not let Luhan know that his heartbeat quickens when he stares at doe eyes, to not let Luhan know he takes his breath away.
“Explain.”
Sehun stops to gather his thoughts. “There are people who are afraid of nothingness.” Luhan nods. “They’re afraid of never-ending darkness, darkness that goes on for all of eternity. They try to avoid it, to never steer themselves away from light.” Luhan lights a cigarette and lets Sehun take a drag. “I don’t think nothingness is that bad. I want to see it. I want to prove people they’re wrong.”
“Why don’t you just kill yourself?” Luhan flicks the cigarette into the night. “Crossed your mind before, hasn’t it?”
“Of course it has. But if I kill myself, who would I have to prove wrong?”
“Wow Sehun.” It’s the first time Luhan has said his name. “You are Something, Something with a capital S.”
“You are too.” Even though they’re done laying out their stories for each other to read, done making themselves vulnerable to the other, neither of them look away. Sehun’s eyes travel across Luhan’s face, leaving his eyes, and want fills Sehun’s heart to the brim as he takes in the details of the man’s face. His blonde hair, the curve of his lips, that tuft of hair that never seems to stay in place, his button nose -
And then Sehun is kissing him. He’s not quite sure who or what he wants to blame. It could be the wind, it could be the grass, it could be the stars, it could be himself. But all he’s aware of now is the feeling of Luhan’s warm lips against his cold ones, of the way his hands linger awkwardly by his side, of how his fingers have nowhere to glide on - but the kiss is nowhere close to unpleasant. Luhan breaks free for oxygen and Sehun lets a whine slip past his lips. He entangles his fingers into Luhan’s hair for another kiss, and when they collide Sehun can see the universe on Luhan’s eyelids.
A flash of lightning cuts the sky in half, warning them of a storm instead of a drizzle and imminent danger. They separate.
“Let’s take cover.”
Sehun stands. Luhan doesn’t let him leave and pulls him back onto the ground. “No. Let’s stay here.”
“It’s going to rain soon.”
“Then let it rain. It can’t be the first time you’ve slept in the rain.”
The stars start disappearing, first Orion, then Perseus, soon after Canis Major. It’s like they were disappearing into the dark emptiness, like their lights were being extinguished by oblivion. Sehun looks at Luhan, sees the Milky Way in his eyes, and he finds it so hard to say no.
“Okay,” he says instead. “Okay.”
Sehun buries his face into Luhan’s arms, and waits for them to wrap him up. But they never do. So Sehun brushes his wishes away and convinces himself that he’ll be okay, that the cold he feels is only temporary.
It’s funny, he thinks as he slips slowly away from consciousness, how one day, one car, one man has changed his whole life. Sehun is a wanderer, never anchored to one place for too long, or so he thinks. Because when Luhan slips into his life, he finds home by his side.
Sehun wakes up to the smell of morning drizzle, shared cigarettes and emptiness.
Emptiness echoes the most.
Sehun tries to untie the knots in his back, but it’s hard to do when wet clothes are always so heavy. His hair is plastered to his face, his head is still heavy from sleep. But what is heavier is waking up all alone; waking up to see the space next to you, which had been occupied the night before, empty. Sehun finds standing up hard with all the heaviness in his heart weighing him down.
The road is a darker shade of black - maybe from the rain, maybe from the tears, Sehun isn’t sure - but it shows no tire tracks. All Sehun can see are small pebbles and dirt and gravel. Tears leave wet trails down his cheeks and he can’t even sob out loud because he still isn’t used to being anchored down yet. His mind is a mess, a tangle of thoughts and dreams and wishes and pain. His eyes are squeezed shut and all he can see is darkness that goes on forever; no stars, no Milky Way, no universe.
Sehun has found his Nowhere.
And he finally understands why people are so afraid of it.
Time has passed. It’s been so long. Sehun is wandering again, wet jeans still clinging to his legs like a second skin, thumb still pointing skyward. He’s still a mess, but at least he isn’t heading towards Nowhere anymore. It’s still drizzling, and he wonders if it has anything to do with the spider he didn’t say goodbye to.
A pick-up whizzes past and Sehun wavers. It’s the same blonde hair, the same doe eyes that reflect the Milky Way.
The pick-up doesn’t stop.
Sehun sighs. He puts down his thumb and starts walking. He’s going to continue his journey.
(He just wishes Luhan would be his Somewhere again.)
Title: finding nowhere in somewhere
Rating: PG
Pairing(s)/Focus: Luhan/Sehun
Length: 2,738 words
Summary: Sehun is a wanderer trying to find Nowhere. When Luhan slips into his life, he sees the stars and the universe and the Milky Way in Luhan's eyes; he also finds Somewhere by Luhan's side.
Warnings: None.
Notes: to the wonderful aurics, i hope i didn't mangle your fic ;n; i kept quite a number of your original words intact because they were too beautiful to be changed. your writing style is really nice and i love your fics ;u; also, to everybody that will take their time to read my monster of a fic, thank you so much ;u;
Remixee author: aurics
Title of work you remixed: breaking stones with the wind
Link to work you remixed: http://aurics.livejournal.com/8851.html
The night ends softly, the stars slowly fading from their quiet magnificence as the moon and the sun trade places in the sky. The birds sing a happy song as they fleet from one tree branch to another, dewdrops drop onto the floor in staccato, one two three, one two three.
Sehun blinks the sleep from his eyes, stretches to untie the knots in his back, and runs thin fingers through frazzled hair. He soundlessly settles himself in the back of the pick-up truck, and breathes mist through thin, purple lips. The driver starts the engine. Slowly, steadily, the town becomes smaller and smaller, until it is but a spot in the distance before finally dissipating into a fleeting memory.
Accompanied by a spider playing hide-and-seek among the crevices, legs long and slender, a melodious kill the spider and it will rain rings somewhere in his head and Sehun shakes it away. Grey trees, grey rocks, grey everything pass by in a blur of black and white as the truck stumbles over potholes and uneven roads that lead to somewhere. Wind wheezes past Sehun’s ear and his teeth chatter.
“Where ya headin’ to?” The man at the wheel rasps out through yellowed teeth.
Sehun’s eyes follow the spider, now dangling precariously on the edge of the pick-up. It doesn’t stop when it reaches the boundary between metal and road - so it falls, falls over the edge and Sehun bids it an unsaid goodbye.
“Nowhere,” Sehun says, eyes meeting with the man’s in the rearview mirror, “can you do that?
They drive past sleeping towns and sleeping people and roads that lead to Somewheres. Sehun shifts slightly, straightening his back against the pick-up, the setting sun painting the horizon red and yellow and orange. He watches the road go in reverse, and wonders which Nowhere he’ll end up in this time.
Sehun blinks away at the rain pooling at his eyelashes, and runs his fingers through the tangles in his hair. The cold ground has his shoulders in knots again and the flat rock was a poor substitute for a pillow. It’s still drizzling, water coming down soft and gray and barely there, but it’s still drizzling, and his wet jeans stick to his legs like a second skin. One two three, one two three, on his head the water droplets dance, liquid dancing to a beat he can’t hear. The glass behind him is stained with moss, murky and green, but he can see a mess. The mess he made. His mess.
No. Sehun is a mess.
Sehun doesn’t remember stopping at this seemingly-abandoned town, small and quiet and bleak. Nameless. A Nowhere. A pair of children giggle with delight on their way to school, yellow bags a stark contrast to the grey of the rain, a mouse scampers past in search of shelter from the rain. Shelter. Sehun wonders if the lack of shelter makes him less of a mouse. He also wonders if the rain has anything to do with the spider he didn’t say goodbye to.
Sehun kicks a pebble from the curb and it tumbles aimlessly onto the road, and he doesn’t dwell long on the fact that he still doesn’t know where he is. He’s learnt to let go of minor things like names, learnt not to take meager things as much. He calls it Living Independently, others call it Heartless.
Sometimes though, when he sits and waits for a car or a truck or anything really, he wonders. Wonders how living bound to one thing or another feels like. Bound to time? You’d spend all of it calculating how much seconds you have left until Death comes knocking on your door. Bound to a job? Sehun scoffs. Some life you’ll be living. He fiddles with his watch, fiddles with time, just as a thought crosses his mind. He scoffs for the second time at the thought, but with a little less poison this time. He wonders.
Bound to someone else?
Sehun stops walking. He’s in the middle of yet another Nowhere, but it isn’t the Nowhere he’s looking for. He points his thumb skyward, eyes looking for the person that would bring him to his Nowhere. It’s still drizzling.
“Hey! Want a ride?” The voice brings Sehun out of his thoughts. It’s bright, clear - like the bells that ring above your head when you enter a coffee shop tucked in the crevices of a bustling city. Sehun is so used to raspy voices, yellowed teeth from cigarettes and beer, that when he looks up to see doe eyes that reflect stars and bright, blonde hair - he’s breathless. Sehun fights a mental battle, trying his best to keep himself from drowning, clawing at invisible waves with invisible hands.
“What I meant was, do you need a ride?” The man is still smiling, but Sehun can see the glint of mocking glee in his eyes.
Sehun brings back his voice with a cough, and he nods his head. “Yeah. I guess so.”
“Where are you heading to?”
Sehun squeezes the rain out of his pants, out of his shirt. He answers just like he did all the times before. “Nowhere. Nowhere, can you do that?”
Maybe it’s the twinkling he hears in his head when the man answers with a knowing smile, maybe it’s the sudden gust of wind, but Sehun’s heart skips a beat and he has his breath knocked out of him again. “Sure. Climb on.”
Sehun wordlessly walks to the back of the truck, jeans clinging to his legs like a second skin.
“Hey! You’re not riding back there!” He grins when Sehun shoots him a questioning look. He pats the empty seat next to him. “Don’t you want to see the road move in the right direction?”
Sehun wipes his hands on his jeans.
When Sehun settles into the front of the truck, for the first time, he feels like he is going Somewhere.
Some people are like powdered hot chocolate. They look soft and light at first; bursting with promises of sweetness and happiness. But then you add hot water, they turn dark and bitter; and you regret putting so much of them in the first place.
Some people are like buds waiting to bloom. They look reserved, quiet and unhappy. Maybe a little afraid of the world too. But when they bloom, their bright colours are capable of painting a million pictures.
Observing Luhan, Sehun isn’t quite sure which category the man falls into. He hums along to the indie music playing softly from the radio, doe eyes concentrated on nowhere. Just as Sehun thinks he’s about to fall asleep, Luhan cracks some lame, irrelevant joke.
“What did the ghost say to the wall?”
“Huh?”
“Hey, just passing through!” Then he’d slap his own thigh and laugh so hard it leaves him breathless, Sehun staring blankly at him.
“We’re really heading nowhere, huh.” Luhan lights the cigarette he placed between his lips, eyes reflecting the perpetually bare road lined with trees as grey as the sky. It’s been drizzling for so long now.
“To Nowhere. Nowhere with a capital N.” Sehun says, right hand picking the cigarette from Luhan’s lips and he takes a drag.
“You can’t say nowhere with a capital N. Then it wouldn’t be nowhere.” Luhan lights another cigarette.
“What do you know?”
“Well,” Luhan closes his eyes and the cigarette burns, “if you say nowhere with a capital N, then you’re specifying it. And when you specify something, it stops being an illusion, a mirage.”
The drive is continued in silence. When they’re both done smoking, the stubs are thrown out the window. Sehun can almost hear the sizzle when fire meets wet tar, and he speaks up.
“Who said it was an illusion?”
When the truck breaks down and Luhan breathes out a sigh of frustration, Sehun can feel the smile tugging at his lips. He wipes it away the moment Luhan turns to look at him, though.
Luhan smiles at him apologetically. “Would this Nowhere do for you?”
“Well,” he laughs, “I don’t think I have a choice.”
The mind - or rather, the heart - works in some rather strange ways.
The both of them lay on the grass, hands tucked behind heads as the sun sets, the sky painted a magnificent shade of red and orange and yellow. Soon, the stars wink at them from their position in the sky, and the moonlight caresses their faces. The blades of grass tickle Sehun’s face whenever he turns to look at Luhan - it’s hard not to, especially once he starts talking.
“That one, there,” he lifts a slender finger to point at one of the many, many stars, “that one is the most common constellation, Orion. It’s the easiest to spot.”
Sehun hums and tries not to sound as lost as he actually is.
“There’s also Perseus, Canis Major, Gemini - oh there! My favourite constellation,” he points excitedly and Sehun can see childish glee in his eyes, “Pegasus.”
Sehun laughs and Luhan elbows him disapprovingly in the ribs. “I’m sorry. It’s just, amongst all those constellations with cool names, your favourite one is called Pegasus.”
“Pegasi played important roles in Greek mythology.” He frowns, lips jutting out in a pout. “One Pegasus dug a spring, and all those that drank from it were grant with diving poetry skills.”
“Impressive.” Sehun scoots closer and Luhan rests his head on Sehun’s shoulder. Sehun tries not to think much of it. He’s not successful. “How do you know all this?”
“My mum,” it’s barely above a whisper and Luhan’s eyes never leave the star-filled sky. Sehun wishes Luhan would look at him like that. “The both of us used to go to the countryside during weekends, where we would spend the nights looking at the stars. She taught me all of the constellations, but only a few names stick.”
“Do you still go?”
Luhan laughs and it doesn’t sound like bells anymore, it sounds bitter and cold. “I wasn’t always like this, travelling from one Somewhere to the next. I used to be chained to a responsibility - always having to go with what my parents say. I had my whole life planned out before I could talk. Eventually, I got sick of it all.” He breathes in the starry night. “This. This is so much better.”
“Why didn’t you just talk it out with them?” Trying to understand someone that is bound to something is new to Sehun.
“I tried. Oh, how I tried.” Luhan’s fingers twirl around a blade of grass. “But it was like trying to fly to the moon with no wings.”
Just as Sehun is about to fall asleep to the murmurs of midnight, Luhan whispers.
“What’s yours?”
“What?”
“Your story.”
“I don’t have one.”
“You have got to have one. Everybody has one.” He props himself on one elbow and stares at Sehun. And for the first time, his bright brown eyes are in full view. “Come on. Tell me about your Nowhere, your Nowhere with a capital N.”
“It’s what it is. Nowhere.” Sehun tries his best to stare back, to not let Luhan know that his heartbeat quickens when he stares at doe eyes, to not let Luhan know he takes his breath away.
“Explain.”
Sehun stops to gather his thoughts. “There are people who are afraid of nothingness.” Luhan nods. “They’re afraid of never-ending darkness, darkness that goes on for all of eternity. They try to avoid it, to never steer themselves away from light.” Luhan lights a cigarette and lets Sehun take a drag. “I don’t think nothingness is that bad. I want to see it. I want to prove people they’re wrong.”
“Why don’t you just kill yourself?” Luhan flicks the cigarette into the night. “Crossed your mind before, hasn’t it?”
“Of course it has. But if I kill myself, who would I have to prove wrong?”
“Wow Sehun.” It’s the first time Luhan has said his name. “You are Something, Something with a capital S.”
“You are too.” Even though they’re done laying out their stories for each other to read, done making themselves vulnerable to the other, neither of them look away. Sehun’s eyes travel across Luhan’s face, leaving his eyes, and want fills Sehun’s heart to the brim as he takes in the details of the man’s face. His blonde hair, the curve of his lips, that tuft of hair that never seems to stay in place, his button nose -
And then Sehun is kissing him. He’s not quite sure who or what he wants to blame. It could be the wind, it could be the grass, it could be the stars, it could be himself. But all he’s aware of now is the feeling of Luhan’s warm lips against his cold ones, of the way his hands linger awkwardly by his side, of how his fingers have nowhere to glide on - but the kiss is nowhere close to unpleasant. Luhan breaks free for oxygen and Sehun lets a whine slip past his lips. He entangles his fingers into Luhan’s hair for another kiss, and when they collide Sehun can see the universe on Luhan’s eyelids.
A flash of lightning cuts the sky in half, warning them of a storm instead of a drizzle and imminent danger. They separate.
“Let’s take cover.”
Sehun stands. Luhan doesn’t let him leave and pulls him back onto the ground. “No. Let’s stay here.”
“It’s going to rain soon.”
“Then let it rain. It can’t be the first time you’ve slept in the rain.”
The stars start disappearing, first Orion, then Perseus, soon after Canis Major. It’s like they were disappearing into the dark emptiness, like their lights were being extinguished by oblivion. Sehun looks at Luhan, sees the Milky Way in his eyes, and he finds it so hard to say no.
“Okay,” he says instead. “Okay.”
Sehun buries his face into Luhan’s arms, and waits for them to wrap him up. But they never do. So Sehun brushes his wishes away and convinces himself that he’ll be okay, that the cold he feels is only temporary.
It’s funny, he thinks as he slips slowly away from consciousness, how one day, one car, one man has changed his whole life. Sehun is a wanderer, never anchored to one place for too long, or so he thinks. Because when Luhan slips into his life, he finds home by his side.
Sehun wakes up to the smell of morning drizzle, shared cigarettes and emptiness.
Emptiness echoes the most.
Sehun tries to untie the knots in his back, but it’s hard to do when wet clothes are always so heavy. His hair is plastered to his face, his head is still heavy from sleep. But what is heavier is waking up all alone; waking up to see the space next to you, which had been occupied the night before, empty. Sehun finds standing up hard with all the heaviness in his heart weighing him down.
The road is a darker shade of black - maybe from the rain, maybe from the tears, Sehun isn’t sure - but it shows no tire tracks. All Sehun can see are small pebbles and dirt and gravel. Tears leave wet trails down his cheeks and he can’t even sob out loud because he still isn’t used to being anchored down yet. His mind is a mess, a tangle of thoughts and dreams and wishes and pain. His eyes are squeezed shut and all he can see is darkness that goes on forever; no stars, no Milky Way, no universe.
Sehun has found his Nowhere.
And he finally understands why people are so afraid of it.
Time has passed. It’s been so long. Sehun is wandering again, wet jeans still clinging to his legs like a second skin, thumb still pointing skyward. He’s still a mess, but at least he isn’t heading towards Nowhere anymore. It’s still drizzling, and he wonders if it has anything to do with the spider he didn’t say goodbye to.
A pick-up whizzes past and Sehun wavers. It’s the same blonde hair, the same doe eyes that reflect the Milky Way.
The pick-up doesn’t stop.
Sehun sighs. He puts down his thumb and starts walking. He’s going to continue his journey.
(He just wishes Luhan would be his Somewhere again.)