let's play house (2/3)
let's play house (2/3)
~ 6760w, m, (nana/jaejoong) - heirs AU, faux cest (think rachel/young do) I part i
he had thrown her so deep into a nightmare so sweet that only death could do her part with his hell.
■ dedicating this to all jaenana shippers, esp. my dear writer friends harues and uljima
■ this is too long to be only 2 parts so I guess it's gonna be 3 whoops
■ mini soundtrack thingy at the end of post
It takes a few weeks for things to shift into an unspoken affair of a sort - forbidden secrets, wrong, poisonous and deadly - they are so bad yet so good. All Nana knows is they’re not family, never siblings even if they will be, at some stage, bound to the title by laws and such but those things are just words and to people like Kim Jaejoong and her, word exist to be dismissed.
Jaejoonng drives her to school, presses himself into her and waits for the denial that never comes. He drives her home too, denying Nana access to her locker - forcing her to touch him when she pushes him out of the way. He plays the gentleman for her and carries her school bag and the students indulge in speculations as their latest guilty pleasure.
He pushes the boundaries and joins her for lunch.
“Not liking the meatloaf, are you?” He whispers in to her ears and she recognizes who it is without as much as a second thought.
There’s a collective gasps from across the table. Raina looks to be having difficulty swallowing the cherry tomato and Lizzy seems to have lost her ability to appear sophisticated completely. The feet of the chair besides her screeches against the floor, breaking the long held silence the crowd of three have created.
“Ladies,” Jaejoong greets, less than friendly to her company, “I don’t remember saying you can stay.”
Nana turns to him sharply, nostril flaring. “Raina, Lizzy, you are not leaving.”
His eyes stray to her company for a moment but quickly return to her heated gaze. “I think they are.”
She bites her lips. “Don’t you dar -“
A rapid, ear scratching movement of chairs cuts her off, followed by an equally apologetic looks from the two girls. Raina seems to have excuses floating amidst the latest gossips in her mind but they never make it out of her mouth because Lizzy has already pulled her away and soon, out of sight.
“So what have you been up to to -“
“Why are you doing?”
Jaejoong looks startled at her forwardness but recovers quick enough to find a reply. “Oppa wants to have lunch with his sister once in a while.”
Nana blinks and relaxes a little, taking a sip of her apple juice. “Where’s your lunch?”
He cracks a smile, resting his arm on the back of her chair and scooting closer as he observes her jam her fork into the carrot like it’s a form of entertainment. Nana pretends not to be looking at him but watches him from the corner of her eyes warily as she brings the silver close to her mouth. The moment’s so quick she fails grasps with his fingers wrap around her wrist and drugging scent of cologne sinking its way into her newly dry cleaned blazer. When Nana could bear to let his eyes invade hers again, the fork is tantalizingly hanging between his lips and she swallows the lump in her throat, ridding herself of indecent thoughts.
“We could always share,” he says, voice dropping so low it causes her to shake, “We’re going to have to share in the future, might as well start now, don’t you agree?”
Nana doesn’t but when he offers her a spoonful of cheese cake, her lips part but there’s no protest, just acceptance.
She licks her lips and he quirks an eyebrow, “Maybe we should do this more often.”
“Maybe,” she amends, not bothering to fight the blooming grin.
-
It’s beginning to look like he’s following her around. Jaejoong has a way of sneaking his way into everywhere she goes - Nana’s on his radar, she feels it when he refuses to walk away when she does and it kills her just a little when she comes out of a class and he isn’t there to steal her to himself.
Nana steps out of calculus, smoothing her rolled up skirt and takes two steps out the door. Jaejoong’s there with his back against the wall, immersing himself in a story of comical situation involving Lee Jiyeon that Park Yoochun’s telling him. Nana begins counting to ten and before she could even reach four, his arm is thrown around her shoulder and pulling her into his side.
“Sister,” he says, “I think you know who Yoochun is, heir of Park's group - his daddy's the one to blame for expensive phone bills.”
“Hi,” Yoochun begins with a boyish smile, dismissing Jaejoong and offers his hand to her but when Nana’s fingers comes close to brushing his, Jaejoong secures her hand in his own and easy like that, rudely, shuts down the polite introduction between the two party.
“Wh -“
“No need to get too friendly with my sister, Yoochun.”
She shoots him a look that he promptly chooses to not acknowledge.
Yoochun lets out a nervous laugh, looking just as confused as she. “Chill, man, I’m just going to shake her hand, not kidnap her.”
“It’s a case of brotherly love, you wouldn’t understand, after all you don’t have any siblings,”
Jaejoong jokes, sounding anything but with his grip tightening on her shoulder when she attempts to wriggle out of it, “If you excuse me, I’ll see you tonight, I’d like to walk my sister to her locker now.”
He drags her away with violent force and Nana couldn’t help but look back at the dark haired boy,waving them goodbye in awe at what had just happened. Jaejoong seems to catch onto the direction of her fixed look and openly lets out a growl, a warning that she should know better but to refute.
“What are you doing?”
“Walking you to your lo -“
“I mean back there with Yoochun.”
Jaejoong guides her into the direction of her locker, and then grounds out, “That’s between Yoochun and I.”
"Then next time,” she spits venomously, determination turns her mouth into a hard line, “Don’t involve me.”
-
Her mother throws a private affair that really, isn’t private.
Cakes, macaroons and more cakes pile up on cloth covered tables all around the mansion. Waiters fly around the room with their platters of colourful variety of drinks and angular chins tipped to the sky. Flowers and creeping vines, magically planted on walls disguised in another layer of bouquets and pastel plastic decorations.
It's forest chic, missing cages to contain the animals in party dresses.
Nana has longed familiarize herself with the female kinds and the ones her mother associates herself with is coincidentally, the worst - housewives with lipstick slashed on chapped lips and husbands who don’t want to kiss it. Bitterness written on their wrinkle lines when they congratulate her mother and Nana finds pleasure in watching them put up a fight against their own nature.
“Do you like?” Mother leans over to ask, a smile frozen on her face like her Botox.
“Yes, mother.”
“Can you at least try to look alive?” The older woman suggests in what sounds like an order, “And
stop eating, god knows how much butter went into that piece of cake.”
An urge to hurl the polka dotted place is strong when she nods off and out of the room, shoving the red velvet cake onto an empty tray a passing waiter is carrying, almost knocking him off his feet but the apology he had needed from her is dissipated by the cry bursting in her throat. The swinging door, opens itself to her and she swiftly enters, frill of her white dress suddenly caught and adding to her never-ending frustration of the evening. Nana hears a rip sound when she yanks; it’s ruined, gone to shit - it’s not perfect, she feels better.
A cherry tart lays untouched on the stainless countertop - bruised purple and blood red atop of the pastry, blending in together perfectly like it belongs. She reaches for a fork because no one else is going to eat it, not when a few pounds come in the way. The jam oozes out when Nana cuts and she watches it bleed into mouth-watering shades of crimson, her fork jams through it and sweetness melts in her mouth to relieve her sourness.
Nana doesn’t ask the how or the why but mourns the loss of a good desert as it splatters to the floor when he shoves it out of the way to pin her down to the cool surface. She’d expect nothing but a grand entrance from him and this is, so far, one of his best.
“You shouldn’t be left alone in that dress,” he says darkly, eyes travelling down her body without shame, “Why are you here instead of in there for the party?”
“Why are you?” She questions back, her hold on the fork loosening when his hold on her wrists grows stronger.
He doesn’t have an answer and with his hand slowly inching up her leg and under her skirt; thumbs circling her inner thighs in a rhythmic motion, she really doesn’t mind. The glint of playfulness usually reserved for her and her only is gone and is replaced with desire of man who has held back too long, Nana loses herself in it and never recovers.
Her lid flutters shut and it comes out in a breathy moan when she asks, “Is this your idea of brotherly love?”
"No," he murmurs, lips curling into a perfect smirk, "I'm only your oppa during dinner time."
Nana’s breath checked in her throat, dying for what’s to come in hope that it will involve his lips, not caring where he puts them just as long as it’s on her heated flesh. It’s only now with his hand working its magic on her that she comes to admission that she has been drifting in and out of the wrong and right of what they are to decides on whether to fall into an abyss of pleasure he’d sure deliver. Nana has been craving for Jaejoong’s touch for so long that if he was to stop now, she’d die.
“Are you still mad with me for earlier?” Jaejoong asks in a low whisper, nipping at her ear.
“You mean with uh…Yoo -“
“Yes,” he confirms, silencing her, “Are you?”
Jaejoong’s grip on her wrist is gone and it sends her into an endless panic that only he could end when he wraps her arms around his neck, sitting her up on the countertop and an arm around her tiny waist, another teasing the pulsating needs between her legs. His gaze is sizzling into her core and she fights to keep her eyes open just to watch him when he do these things to her, to remember what he looks like when he’s so filled to the brim with needs that it matches hers.
“Forgive me.”
“Okay” is all she can bring herself to say because at this very moment, she’d do anything he asks her to do.
He slants his mouth over the corner of hers for a fragment of a second and pulls away, tongue flicking out to lick away the cherry jam he’d kiss away from her red lipstick before a guttural groan of shredded control mixes with her own when she slams their lips together, teeth clashing, tongue mingling and release awaiting.
Nana revels in the taste of tobacco she’d been dying to taste for months and finds it as deadly as inhaling the real thing.
-
Her first instinct is to assume the worst, that Jaejoong finally had his fill and the desire that’s been building up has sobered up after drinking from her lips - like a miracle cure to the forbidden fruit syndrome.
Nana couldn’t be more wrong.
That night he does nothing but kiss her, she thinks it’s to stop her from waking up from this dream land he’s created and trapped her in with him, keys thrown away and still no need for shackles because Jaejoong knows she’s got nowhere to go but down with him from here. He has brought her to the brink of heaven with his hand around the nape of her neck and butterfly up her thighs - he had thrown her so deep into a nightmare so sweet that only death could do her part with his hell.
He’s ruined her now and she likes it.
-
Jung Ah points it out during History.
“Your brother is burning a hole through your chair.”
“Great job, Jung Ah,” Lizzy claps full of mock, “He’s been doing that for the past two days and I mean, nonstop.”
Ka Eun nods in agreement, raising the textbook over her mouth and Nana’s before murmuring at her absolute quietest, “What do you guys do when he drags you off after class?”
“We…uh…talk about family stuff,” Nana lies, stuttering her reply out and feeling her cheeks flame when she swivels her head around to welcome his lust filled stare.
“Well, you guys must have lots to talk about,” Jooyeon mumbles under her breath, dodging the stare the teacher is throwing at her, “Cause you’re never really here even when you’re here.”
Nana knows exactly what Jooyeon meant even when no one else did.
-
Jaejoong’s anything but subtle.
The line between siblings’ relation and the other kind blurs so indefinitely that the unsettling mystery of them conveys itself with the news that travels the schools, junior to senior to staff and all over again.
Questions are asked but never answered - there’s only the hand holding around the school, the occasional chaste pecks pressed upon her blonde tress, the whispers during lessons and the giggles that come after it. The ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to ‘are they?’ or ‘aren’t they?’ are written in between the lines that they choose to draw and whilst curious as the students maybe, none of them has reached the conclusion they do not want to come to.
-
“This isn’t the way home,” Nana announces, coming to a revelation when they stop in front of his father’s hotel.
Jaejoong pulls off his helmet to reveal a bright grin and begin to undo the one Nana has on, says, “I never said we were heading home, sister.”
She looks up at the tall building, watching each of the windows reflect light like some kind of a haven. “What are we doing at your father’s hotel?”
“Don’t look like that,” he teases with a soft chuckle, taking her hand in his and pulling her up to her feet, “No family business, oppa promise.”
Still hesitant, she lets him lead her through the turning glass door with his hand pressed into her back and gradually travelling down to all sorts of places as they continue their journey into the lobby. The ladies behind desk chorus an aloof ‘afternoon’, either too shy or too scared to meet his eyes when he raises his hand to dismiss them in nonchalance. The bell boys, however, appear to have taken liking or even admiration towards Jaejoong and welcome him with more casual approach, from hi fives to a good, old handshakes with an inside joke to go hand in hand. It has occur to Nana that whilst school boys fear him to the point of wetting their pants and school girls wetting themselves in general, Kim Jaejoong outside the school gate is touchable - real and good humoured and possibly, if she dares to say, happy.
She smiles a little when they enter the elevator, a satisfied smile that last made appearance once a blue moon ago. “Why are you in such a good mood today?”
When he catches their reflection on the metal door that’s splitting in two, he says, “When am I ever in a bad mood around my sister?”
Nana wants to argue with him, starts a banter that’s never ending so he’ll have to kiss her to shut her up but she doesn’t, instead she holds onto the feeling of being so wholesomely complete in his arms when he slides a key card into a suite and leads her through the door, wood door creaking shut like an old friend greeting.
The ever so familiar scent of expensive colognes and rich tobacco mingles in the air; a hint of peppermint sprinkled in there somewhere. The bed’s unmade and newspapers, text books and a copy of GQ is scattered all over it like some mood board belonging to a pubescent businessman. The velvet curtains are firmly shut, doing a great job at starving the room of any light and joy. It’s dark, elegant and drenched in seedy affairs of the past - every inch of it screams Kim Jaejoong.
“You like?”
She spins to the side enough to get a glimpse of him. His Armani back pack he substituted his school bag with is left abandoned on the floor, next to the couch he’s lying on, ankles hanging off the end of it and polished pointed toe shoes glimmering in the dark.
Nana's brow knits and she frowns, because she could not grasp what the point of this visit is. “I guess but that still doesn’t explain why we’re here.”
He huffs a laugh, loosening his tie and discarding it on the coffee table next to the ash tray. “I thought you’d be more excited to finally see where I live.”
“But…” she begins until what he’s been trying to say sinks in, “This is where you go when you leave every night?”
“Yup,” Jaejoong supplies dryly and wriggling his two fingers at her, signalling for her to come to him,
“You should be proud of yourself, sister, you’re the first to ever visit that I have no intention of kicking out.”
He props her up on his lap, his chin resting on her shoulder and warm puff of breath on her neck - a drowsy spell he uses ever so often to lull her into him. Unconscious of her action, she purrs out her thought, “Why don’t you stay home in that castle your father calls house?”
Peppering kisses on her collarbone, his hand working on the buttons of her school blouse and tells her, “That’s not my home, that’s my father’s - this, where you are, is my home.”
“What’s your point?” Nana says in a form of a whine, infinitely distracted by what his palm is doing under the sheer material she wish he would strip her off.
“What I’m saying,” he mumbles and she feels the curves of his smile etching itself into her skin, “I’m giving you a key.”
It takes her much longer than it should for his words to ring in her ears like sirens and crawls under her lids in neon shades of warning signs that goes straight to alert her bones and leaves her frozen - loss of words and empty of smart come backs. It’s Nana without her assets, now she’s a dumbstruck Barbie on her Ken’s lap.
Jaejoong seems more amused than concerned when he pulls it out of his pants and Nana couldn’t help but be half disappointed when it is entirely unrelated to their activity.
“For when you need oppa’s help.” He hands it to her, opening up her clenched palm and closing her manicured fingers around it, “You can always come here.”
She’ll try not to think about it for days to come but she will and it will because his words are an unbreakable vow Nana will hold him to for the rest of their lives together.
-
“Have you found yourself a nice young gentleman?” is her mother’s poor choice of opening like ten minutes into their Friday night dinner.
Mister Kim is a bottle of tranquility on her mother’s right - perfect mannerism of an upper class gentleman with his small bites and noiseless chews and swallows. It’s not much different on her left, Jaejoong drinks more than he ever eats and cooks up insults in his head with ears open to the chit chat that goes nowhere.
Voice hard, Nana says, “No, mother.”
Suddenly her eyes lower to her untouched noodle, twirling her chopsticks round and round. “That’s good then,” she says in a small voice, her gaze sliding over to her soon-to-be-husband who refuses her request for support, “I knew it would be a good idea to arrange your marriage with the Park’s heir - you know Park Yoochun, don’t you? He’s a lovely bo -
She gets up, Jaejoong doesn’t.
She leaves, he stays.
Nana never did like family dinner.
-
After throwing up her dinner, Nana bursts into his suit, fury flaming and hair ruined, she’s not looking anything like her polished self and she thinks maybe for once, she’d like him to see her like this - beaten down, broken, hurt, betrayed - a combination of defeat so he’ll pick her up and piece it all back together.
He doesn’t.
Jaejoong stands still like a mannequin dripping in brand name, doesn’t make any movement when she slaps him across the face before doing it again to see if he can detect any pain at all.
“You knew!” She accuses, pushing past him and into his room.
He affirms, “I knew.”
She should have left then. She should have stopped when the deal is sealed, everything settled into nice and bold ‘yes’ and ‘no but she can’t let him get off easy, she can’t let it go, there’s a wave that keeps on crashing the walls within her and if it’s going to come through and drown her then he’ll have her share of tragedy.
“What the hell was that for?”
He’s stoic as ever when he shuts the door and crosses the room to tower over her, still playing the authoritative ‘till the very end. “What was what for?”
They stare at each other.
“You,” Nana grits out, her breath hitching as she continues, “You knew I was going to get sold off for a fucking merger and that night when you asked me to forgive you, you were apologizing for this…for…Jesus, you played me good,” she gasps, gulping back a sob and pushes the greasy curls out of her face, wanting so badly to rip it all out, “Fucking me so I wouldn’t notice that you’re fucking me over and...oh god…” It hurts.
He inches down until they’re eye level, hers still looking red and on the edge of tears. “You think it’s only you?”
Her liquid fire gaze meet his with the sparks of defiance, flicking in her honey brown eyes before she scrambles back, choking on a strangled cry at how hard the piece of information he’s revealing is scratching to get into her skull, the cold, hard reality battling the delusion that’s dwindling away along with her only shot at keeping him.
“Krystal would have told me,” She sputters relentlessly, head shaking in denial that runs so deep it might as well be lunacy, “She would have -
“She would have told you nothing,” he shushes her so sharply it cuts, “You’ve clearly heard the rumors, you just choose not to ask -“
“So this is my fault?!” she screams, her head snapping back and fists clenched tight enough to draw blood.
A frustrated snarl rumbles as he advances towards her but stops a few strides short of her and nothing, there’s nothing he could do and he knows. Nana takes advantage of his confusion and brushes past him, taking in the dismantle state the room is in - shards of glass anywhere and Nana recalls, all of the sudden, that she hasn’t thrown anything, not yet anyway. He’s ripped the room apart before she could get here to join him, now there’s nothing left to destroy to console herself.
Finally, he tells her what she needs to hear. “It’s not your fault.”
Nana looks at him because it might be the last and slams the door in his face, fearing he would get to it first.
Something breaks and it’s the piece of his mirror under her feet and not her heart - definitely not. She looks down at it and there reflects back more truth than she’d ever be ready for, either way, she’s broken.
-
One summer night, she sits on the concrete of the fountain they never let do its job and stick her legs in the non-existent water, waiting for him to pull into the garage at any minute now with his Harley Davidson and come to collect his welcome home present.
She puts on the red lipstick, his favourite to sink his teeth into and when she wakes up, it’s smeared all over her face - by the pillow and not the way she’d have prefer.
-
Avoiding both Jaejoong and Yoochun turns out to be harder than she had predicted - the problem is Jaejoong knows her too well to not purposely be where she is and Yoochun is insistent enough to make partnering up with her for Biology happen.
Nana surrenders in fourth period to her now fiancé with his test tube racks and safety goggles.
“You don’t want to at least discuss the details our wedding?” Yoochun asks lamely and she wonders sadly if he knows he’s started on the wrong foot, “I won’t fight you on the catering and if - if you’re against a bachelor party, I am totally down with that.”
She feels her mouth fall open then closed again, then, “Just - just, set the experiment up while I read the instructions.”
Without another word, he gets to it with an embarrassed blush that makes her wince.
They don’t talk for the rest of the class but once in a while, he’ll stop and stare at her with half-moon eyes that belong to a love sick school boy.
-
Nana walks home alone under the blazing sun, the bag on her back heavier than ever and she uncharacteristically drags her feet on the pavement, making white lines on the grey stones.
There’s a soft hum of an engine from miles away and she doesn’t need to look to surmise that it’s him. She brands herself a coward and walks on, faster and faster because the further away she gets, the easier it is to dismiss her inability to see him anything but a beautiful mistake she will never regret.
She can’t stop playing a game of guess over his grand speech to earn her forgiveness and it’s Park Yoochun that snaps out of it when she clashes into him at the crossing near Coex mall.
“What are you doi -“
“Doesn’t matter,” she cuts him off quickly, pushing him out of the way and hurries along.
“Can I walk you home?”
Nana freezes and laughs snidely, “God, you do try hard.”
-
Jung Jessica arrives at the end of summer.
Her name echoes on the walls of the school for weeks to come and she can’t do much but pretend to not care when Jiyeon words vomit about her elite background, her potential nose job or how her fashion sense is so advanced from their level that even her Chanel purse are limited edition, only found in the Paris boutique.
Jaejoong’s phone screen will vibrates in that intimidating kind of violence and flash danger reds on the counter when Nana’s on her way to the living room and it should have been a sign to not get any closer but she snatches it up before she could even second guess herself and look even quicker.
‘Jessica’ in dead, robotic fonts plays hide and seek, peekaboo at Nana then returns to home screen where other twenties ‘Jessica’ continues in a long list of rejection.
He catches her with raised brow of intrigue that she response to like a dare too good to turn down.
“You’re a naughty sister, invading her oppa’s privacy.”
She hands it back to him when he puts his hand out, anything but shame in her scoff, “There’s no such thing as privacy between you and I, remember? You said so yourself.”
“Well,” he grins, encouraged by her unexpected mood, “That was when you were a good girl and let oppa do…whatever he wants with you, in his bed.”
“And now I’m in Yoochun’s.” she fires back smugly.
Something snaps in him. Nana sees it, in the way his trademark dare devil smile straightens itself into a harsh line, the feral glare swimming in the pool of black in his orbs - she’d push him too far and it’s the best she’s felt in days. With a single movement from her part, he snatches her forearm and drags her right back to where they’ve started, self-battles of hatred and redemption. The tamed part of him he’s been so keen to present to her vanishes into thin air and the beast comes out, deranged and so full of incurable anger - Jaejoong’s no different from her, not better and not any worst; they’re the same.
“That’s a lie.” He commands through gritted teeth, voice quivering with every word, “Admit it.”
She swallows away the surge of panic clogging up her throat, her savage temper coming to an end
at the introduction of his.
“It’s a lie,” she repeats in a solemn confession, “But it won’t be.”
His façade slips and fracture the moment he leaves the room, it’s become glaringly obvious to Nana that he’s been disobeying time and strapping himself down to the here and now - with her.
-
What she dreads most, as they do, arrive at her door steps when she’s looking her worst - covered in a thin layer of sweat, yellow short short, ‘gym bunny’ crop top, unwashed blonde tresses in a haphazard bun and her muddied sneakers she has been too lazy to tie up is half slipping off along with her striped socks.
Mirroring her from the other side of the door flame is a black and white princess, monogram hand bag and Prada’s cat eye sunglasses. It’s Jung Jessica’s version of laidback fashion and Vogue probably has a column on it somewhere.
Nana plays dumb, crosses her arms and tugs a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m looking for Jaejoong.” She says but doesn’t look up from her Blackberry. “Where is he?”
“Why should I tell you?” She gives the girl a mean little smile, tongue curled behind her teeth. “Who are you anyway?”
Color rushes to her cheeks. She is livid, clearly, irritated. “I’m his fiancée, now tell me where is he?”
“He’s not home,” Nana tells her, more as filler than anything else, “Good luck finding him.”
-
Jaejoong is about ready for the event. Tonight, not different from any other, he’s in another black suit, black tie attire with a traditional white dress shirt that she’s stained with her lipstick one too many times in the summer. He battle with the cuff links and that remains the same in the back of the limo.
“You’re staring,” his gruff voice breaks the stillness between them, his eyes slowly rising to meet hers.
“And you don’t?”
“I won't deny it,” he drawls, “I stare at you whenever I get the chance.”
Nana sighs and look away, asks in politeness, “Do you want help with doing that up?”
“This,” he grumbles, lifting up his sleeves and grimace at it in hopelessness, “You did always have to do it for me after we -
“Shut up,” Nana tells him, but then, “Come here.”
“As you wish,” He smirks, propping the back of his forearm on her knee and moving in closer and closer until the distance between them is non-existent, “You can do whatever you want with me.”
“Don’t do that,” she stills his wandering hand with a firm tone.
“Why?” he purrs, catching her earlobe in his teeth, “Because you’re engaged?”
Panic seizes Nana momentarily because she misses him and despite, the minutes, hours, days and weeks that have gone into cleansing him out of her system, he keeps making his way back to her. It’s no blame game and Nana’s given up on arguing with the concept of back stabbing when she turns her back so readily but if he fools her again, she will be caught in his web forever.
“No,” she says, slowly inching away, “Because you are.”
He refuses to let her hand go for the rest of the drive and when she wrenches her hand away, it feels like letting go but really, it isn’t.
-
At the round table of four with the only two of them, Yoochun watches her with expressive, puppy dog eyes. "You're too easy to read," he tells her. "I can tell you’re in love with him.”
Nana almost chokes on her drink but recovers quick enough to mask her surprise “What are you on about?”
“You, Jaejoong and the way you look at him.”
“Park Yoo -“ she sighs, putting her champagne flute down.
“Just Yoochun,” he corrects, stretching his arms along with a long yawn, “It’s weird, he’s going to be your brother and everything but I guess that makes it easier for me.”
Nana blinks at him. “Excuse me?”
“Well, yeah, I’m in love with you,” he says as if it’s the simplest thing in the world, like how trees grow and babies crawl, “If that much isn’t obvious.”
She gapes at him in exasperation, a mirthless laugh unintentionally leaving her. “You can’t be serious.”
Yoochun looks even more confused than her. “Why is that so hard to believe?” He asks her as gently as he can, probably with expectation that the news will be mind boggling for her. “I’ve loved you ever since the first time I saw you.”
“That was like what? Three months ago?”
“Something like that.”
He’s knocked her cold with his honesty, she’s got nothing left up her sleeves. Nana uncrosses her leg and cross it again, stuff a spoonful of frosting into her mouth and looks into the distance like the crowd of high school girls and their boyfriends are anything of her interest.
She feels his cool finger tips on her cheeks, his touch too light for her to notice. It’s only when he strokes her collarbone and presses his lips on it that his true intention also presses itself into the high ranking of her reconsideration of his affection.
Yoochun smiles, soft, ethereal, angelic. “It's okay, you know, we'll get married and one day you'll wake up and might even like me."
-
What comes around goes around - Nana thinks that saying is meant for fiancées because Jung Jessica is on the hunt for Jaejoong and he’s not an easy prey to catch when he doesn’t want to be in capture.
“Oh my fucking god,” Jung Ah is about to lose it, sprinting into class and scrambling for the nearest chair, “She’s here!”
“Who? Who?” Lizzy asks in overenthusiasm, due math homework forgotten.
There’s a pause of anticipation around Nana for Jung Ah to reveal the name they’ve all been wanting to hear and she delivers, “Kim Jaejoong’s fiancée - Jessica, she’s here.”
“I’ve been waiting for this all week long,” Jiyeon place both hands on her chest and breathes deeply, whispering how grateful she is to the lord, “Let’s go.”
Nana eyes dart back and forth between Jiyeon’s arm linking with hers and her seemingly innocent expression. “Let’s go, where?”
She looks at her with wide, uncomprehending eyes and says like it’s impossible not to know, “To go watch your brother and Miss California have a show down”
“Why would they have a show down?”
“What do you mean wh -“ Jiyeon barks at her but stops midway with a disappointed shake of the head then yanks her along, “Never mind, you’ll see soon enough.”
-
It’s less of a reunion and border line unpleasantry of a lover and a leaver.
Nana arrives at the scene of the year, a trail of her nerves following and Jiyeon as an armour. There’s no rekindling of romance with the space between Jaejoong and his carelessness faces off with Jessica and her five inch heels - it’s all business and not the pleasurable kind.
They stand a few feet from each other and if Nana didn’t know better, she’d have thought they’ll be pull out the guns and shoot each other dead. The crowd gather around in a full circle of entertainment, Jiyeon and her plays a part of the crowd blender, ears open wide and eyes wider.
Finally, Jessica speaks first, “You’re a hard man to track down, oppa.”
“Must be when I’m in hiding.” He says, his eyes on the flame from the lighter he’s burning the end of his Marlboro with. “Why are you at my school? Or are you desperate enough to follow me all the way to where you don’t belong?”
Jaejoong’s cold and calculated and cruel; a tyrannical man that takes after his father but he’s with impeccable manners, never rude - until now.
The petite brunette frowns, positively fuming. “What else was I supposed to do when you pick up your phone?”
“Most women take that as a sign, you know.”
“I’m not most women,” Jessica says with confidence she doesn’t feel, “I’m your fiancée."
That somehow makes Jaejoong laugh, the worst kind of amusement; mocking sarcasm. “Looks like I’ve got myself a few more years before I have to deal with you then."
Nana does her best not to flee, she doesn’t know how much longer she’s got left until the confrontation takes the wrong turn into her street. Jessica’s gaze drifts into the crowd where it finds hers; Nana stands her ground and participate in the bitch fight of sight, going into it knowing full well that it’s a losing fight.
“You don’t have to stay,” she hears a low whisper and recognizes whose it is without having to think,
“You don’t need to stay, Nana.”
Park Yoochun wraps his hand around her small wrist and does a little tug, his request for her to run and not look back with him. Nana finishes up the back and forth of the eyes and swiftly turns, allowing Yoochun to make way in the cluster of students and steer her away from act one of ‘bride to be and groom want to not be’.
They’re nowhere close to safe zone when she’s ripped away with a force strong enough to have dislocated her entire arm. Nana collides with a hard surface that is her step brother’s chest.
“Oppa’s not done talking yet,” Jaejoong snarls loud enough for Jessica to hear, his grip like iron on her shoulder, “Don't be rude.”
“No,” Yoochung tries to reason but sounding less than calm himself, “She doesn’t need to listen to anything.”
“What is going on?” Jessica barks, silencing the ‘ooh’s and ‘ahh’s coming from the surrounding students.
Nana scurries away, pushing at his chest with the surge of adrenaline and still nothing, she remains by his side with no chance of going where else.
“Sister,” he warns menacingly, “If you don’t want to get hurt, I suggest you stop doing what you’re doing.”
“Let me go or I swear -“
“I think I’ve been coming to school too much, it’s taking a toll on my reputation since you all seem to be testing my last nerve,” Jaejoong says, scowl hardening when she attempts to interrupt him for the second time in a row, “I’m going to take a personal day and sister here is going to come along too, I hope you don’t mind me borrowing your fiancée for a day, Yoochun.”
Yoochung hisses, almost pleading. “Just let her go, Jaejoong.”
“Sorry,” He drawls, not sounding anything close to apologetic, “I forgot to mention, you don’t get a say in this.”
Jaejoong breaks a heart with his royal arrogance and for once, it’s not hers.
I WANNA BE YOURS, arctic monkeys
Take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours
TENNIS COURT, lorde
Baby be the class clown
I'll be the beauty queen in tears
It's a new art form showing people how little we care
WAITING GAME, banks
I wish I was in love but I don't want to cause any pain
and if I'm feeling like I'm evil, we've got nothing to gain
EYELINE, nana
you're dangerous, you keep making me change
say goodbye to my innocent self
MINE, beyonce (ft. drake)
I just wanna say, you're mine, you're mine
fuck what you heard, you're mine, you're mine
~ 6760w, m, (nana/jaejoong) - heirs AU, faux cest (think rachel/young do) I part i
he had thrown her so deep into a nightmare so sweet that only death could do her part with his hell.
■ dedicating this to all jaenana shippers, esp. my dear writer friends harues and uljima
■ this is too long to be only 2 parts so I guess it's gonna be 3 whoops
■ mini soundtrack thingy at the end of post
It takes a few weeks for things to shift into an unspoken affair of a sort - forbidden secrets, wrong, poisonous and deadly - they are so bad yet so good. All Nana knows is they’re not family, never siblings even if they will be, at some stage, bound to the title by laws and such but those things are just words and to people like Kim Jaejoong and her, word exist to be dismissed.
Jaejoonng drives her to school, presses himself into her and waits for the denial that never comes. He drives her home too, denying Nana access to her locker - forcing her to touch him when she pushes him out of the way. He plays the gentleman for her and carries her school bag and the students indulge in speculations as their latest guilty pleasure.
He pushes the boundaries and joins her for lunch.
“Not liking the meatloaf, are you?” He whispers in to her ears and she recognizes who it is without as much as a second thought.
There’s a collective gasps from across the table. Raina looks to be having difficulty swallowing the cherry tomato and Lizzy seems to have lost her ability to appear sophisticated completely. The feet of the chair besides her screeches against the floor, breaking the long held silence the crowd of three have created.
“Ladies,” Jaejoong greets, less than friendly to her company, “I don’t remember saying you can stay.”
Nana turns to him sharply, nostril flaring. “Raina, Lizzy, you are not leaving.”
His eyes stray to her company for a moment but quickly return to her heated gaze. “I think they are.”
She bites her lips. “Don’t you dar -“
A rapid, ear scratching movement of chairs cuts her off, followed by an equally apologetic looks from the two girls. Raina seems to have excuses floating amidst the latest gossips in her mind but they never make it out of her mouth because Lizzy has already pulled her away and soon, out of sight.
“So what have you been up to to -“
“Why are you doing?”
Jaejoong looks startled at her forwardness but recovers quick enough to find a reply. “Oppa wants to have lunch with his sister once in a while.”
Nana blinks and relaxes a little, taking a sip of her apple juice. “Where’s your lunch?”
He cracks a smile, resting his arm on the back of her chair and scooting closer as he observes her jam her fork into the carrot like it’s a form of entertainment. Nana pretends not to be looking at him but watches him from the corner of her eyes warily as she brings the silver close to her mouth. The moment’s so quick she fails grasps with his fingers wrap around her wrist and drugging scent of cologne sinking its way into her newly dry cleaned blazer. When Nana could bear to let his eyes invade hers again, the fork is tantalizingly hanging between his lips and she swallows the lump in her throat, ridding herself of indecent thoughts.
“We could always share,” he says, voice dropping so low it causes her to shake, “We’re going to have to share in the future, might as well start now, don’t you agree?”
Nana doesn’t but when he offers her a spoonful of cheese cake, her lips part but there’s no protest, just acceptance.
She licks her lips and he quirks an eyebrow, “Maybe we should do this more often.”
“Maybe,” she amends, not bothering to fight the blooming grin.
-
It’s beginning to look like he’s following her around. Jaejoong has a way of sneaking his way into everywhere she goes - Nana’s on his radar, she feels it when he refuses to walk away when she does and it kills her just a little when she comes out of a class and he isn’t there to steal her to himself.
Nana steps out of calculus, smoothing her rolled up skirt and takes two steps out the door. Jaejoong’s there with his back against the wall, immersing himself in a story of comical situation involving Lee Jiyeon that Park Yoochun’s telling him. Nana begins counting to ten and before she could even reach four, his arm is thrown around her shoulder and pulling her into his side.
“Sister,” he says, “I think you know who Yoochun is, heir of Park's group - his daddy's the one to blame for expensive phone bills.”
“Hi,” Yoochun begins with a boyish smile, dismissing Jaejoong and offers his hand to her but when Nana’s fingers comes close to brushing his, Jaejoong secures her hand in his own and easy like that, rudely, shuts down the polite introduction between the two party.
“Wh -“
“No need to get too friendly with my sister, Yoochun.”
She shoots him a look that he promptly chooses to not acknowledge.
Yoochun lets out a nervous laugh, looking just as confused as she. “Chill, man, I’m just going to shake her hand, not kidnap her.”
“It’s a case of brotherly love, you wouldn’t understand, after all you don’t have any siblings,”
Jaejoong jokes, sounding anything but with his grip tightening on her shoulder when she attempts to wriggle out of it, “If you excuse me, I’ll see you tonight, I’d like to walk my sister to her locker now.”
He drags her away with violent force and Nana couldn’t help but look back at the dark haired boy,waving them goodbye in awe at what had just happened. Jaejoong seems to catch onto the direction of her fixed look and openly lets out a growl, a warning that she should know better but to refute.
“What are you doing?”
“Walking you to your lo -“
“I mean back there with Yoochun.”
Jaejoong guides her into the direction of her locker, and then grounds out, “That’s between Yoochun and I.”
"Then next time,” she spits venomously, determination turns her mouth into a hard line, “Don’t involve me.”
-
Her mother throws a private affair that really, isn’t private.
Cakes, macaroons and more cakes pile up on cloth covered tables all around the mansion. Waiters fly around the room with their platters of colourful variety of drinks and angular chins tipped to the sky. Flowers and creeping vines, magically planted on walls disguised in another layer of bouquets and pastel plastic decorations.
It's forest chic, missing cages to contain the animals in party dresses.
Nana has longed familiarize herself with the female kinds and the ones her mother associates herself with is coincidentally, the worst - housewives with lipstick slashed on chapped lips and husbands who don’t want to kiss it. Bitterness written on their wrinkle lines when they congratulate her mother and Nana finds pleasure in watching them put up a fight against their own nature.
“Do you like?” Mother leans over to ask, a smile frozen on her face like her Botox.
“Yes, mother.”
“Can you at least try to look alive?” The older woman suggests in what sounds like an order, “And
stop eating, god knows how much butter went into that piece of cake.”
An urge to hurl the polka dotted place is strong when she nods off and out of the room, shoving the red velvet cake onto an empty tray a passing waiter is carrying, almost knocking him off his feet but the apology he had needed from her is dissipated by the cry bursting in her throat. The swinging door, opens itself to her and she swiftly enters, frill of her white dress suddenly caught and adding to her never-ending frustration of the evening. Nana hears a rip sound when she yanks; it’s ruined, gone to shit - it’s not perfect, she feels better.
A cherry tart lays untouched on the stainless countertop - bruised purple and blood red atop of the pastry, blending in together perfectly like it belongs. She reaches for a fork because no one else is going to eat it, not when a few pounds come in the way. The jam oozes out when Nana cuts and she watches it bleed into mouth-watering shades of crimson, her fork jams through it and sweetness melts in her mouth to relieve her sourness.
Nana doesn’t ask the how or the why but mourns the loss of a good desert as it splatters to the floor when he shoves it out of the way to pin her down to the cool surface. She’d expect nothing but a grand entrance from him and this is, so far, one of his best.
“You shouldn’t be left alone in that dress,” he says darkly, eyes travelling down her body without shame, “Why are you here instead of in there for the party?”
“Why are you?” She questions back, her hold on the fork loosening when his hold on her wrists grows stronger.
He doesn’t have an answer and with his hand slowly inching up her leg and under her skirt; thumbs circling her inner thighs in a rhythmic motion, she really doesn’t mind. The glint of playfulness usually reserved for her and her only is gone and is replaced with desire of man who has held back too long, Nana loses herself in it and never recovers.
Her lid flutters shut and it comes out in a breathy moan when she asks, “Is this your idea of brotherly love?”
"No," he murmurs, lips curling into a perfect smirk, "I'm only your oppa during dinner time."
Nana’s breath checked in her throat, dying for what’s to come in hope that it will involve his lips, not caring where he puts them just as long as it’s on her heated flesh. It’s only now with his hand working its magic on her that she comes to admission that she has been drifting in and out of the wrong and right of what they are to decides on whether to fall into an abyss of pleasure he’d sure deliver. Nana has been craving for Jaejoong’s touch for so long that if he was to stop now, she’d die.
“Are you still mad with me for earlier?” Jaejoong asks in a low whisper, nipping at her ear.
“You mean with uh…Yoo -“
“Yes,” he confirms, silencing her, “Are you?”
Jaejoong’s grip on her wrist is gone and it sends her into an endless panic that only he could end when he wraps her arms around his neck, sitting her up on the countertop and an arm around her tiny waist, another teasing the pulsating needs between her legs. His gaze is sizzling into her core and she fights to keep her eyes open just to watch him when he do these things to her, to remember what he looks like when he’s so filled to the brim with needs that it matches hers.
“Forgive me.”
“Okay” is all she can bring herself to say because at this very moment, she’d do anything he asks her to do.
He slants his mouth over the corner of hers for a fragment of a second and pulls away, tongue flicking out to lick away the cherry jam he’d kiss away from her red lipstick before a guttural groan of shredded control mixes with her own when she slams their lips together, teeth clashing, tongue mingling and release awaiting.
Nana revels in the taste of tobacco she’d been dying to taste for months and finds it as deadly as inhaling the real thing.
-
Her first instinct is to assume the worst, that Jaejoong finally had his fill and the desire that’s been building up has sobered up after drinking from her lips - like a miracle cure to the forbidden fruit syndrome.
Nana couldn’t be more wrong.
That night he does nothing but kiss her, she thinks it’s to stop her from waking up from this dream land he’s created and trapped her in with him, keys thrown away and still no need for shackles because Jaejoong knows she’s got nowhere to go but down with him from here. He has brought her to the brink of heaven with his hand around the nape of her neck and butterfly up her thighs - he had thrown her so deep into a nightmare so sweet that only death could do her part with his hell.
He’s ruined her now and she likes it.
-
Jung Ah points it out during History.
“Your brother is burning a hole through your chair.”
“Great job, Jung Ah,” Lizzy claps full of mock, “He’s been doing that for the past two days and I mean, nonstop.”
Ka Eun nods in agreement, raising the textbook over her mouth and Nana’s before murmuring at her absolute quietest, “What do you guys do when he drags you off after class?”
“We…uh…talk about family stuff,” Nana lies, stuttering her reply out and feeling her cheeks flame when she swivels her head around to welcome his lust filled stare.
“Well, you guys must have lots to talk about,” Jooyeon mumbles under her breath, dodging the stare the teacher is throwing at her, “Cause you’re never really here even when you’re here.”
Nana knows exactly what Jooyeon meant even when no one else did.
-
Jaejoong’s anything but subtle.
The line between siblings’ relation and the other kind blurs so indefinitely that the unsettling mystery of them conveys itself with the news that travels the schools, junior to senior to staff and all over again.
Questions are asked but never answered - there’s only the hand holding around the school, the occasional chaste pecks pressed upon her blonde tress, the whispers during lessons and the giggles that come after it. The ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to ‘are they?’ or ‘aren’t they?’ are written in between the lines that they choose to draw and whilst curious as the students maybe, none of them has reached the conclusion they do not want to come to.
-
“This isn’t the way home,” Nana announces, coming to a revelation when they stop in front of his father’s hotel.
Jaejoong pulls off his helmet to reveal a bright grin and begin to undo the one Nana has on, says, “I never said we were heading home, sister.”
She looks up at the tall building, watching each of the windows reflect light like some kind of a haven. “What are we doing at your father’s hotel?”
“Don’t look like that,” he teases with a soft chuckle, taking her hand in his and pulling her up to her feet, “No family business, oppa promise.”
Still hesitant, she lets him lead her through the turning glass door with his hand pressed into her back and gradually travelling down to all sorts of places as they continue their journey into the lobby. The ladies behind desk chorus an aloof ‘afternoon’, either too shy or too scared to meet his eyes when he raises his hand to dismiss them in nonchalance. The bell boys, however, appear to have taken liking or even admiration towards Jaejoong and welcome him with more casual approach, from hi fives to a good, old handshakes with an inside joke to go hand in hand. It has occur to Nana that whilst school boys fear him to the point of wetting their pants and school girls wetting themselves in general, Kim Jaejoong outside the school gate is touchable - real and good humoured and possibly, if she dares to say, happy.
She smiles a little when they enter the elevator, a satisfied smile that last made appearance once a blue moon ago. “Why are you in such a good mood today?”
When he catches their reflection on the metal door that’s splitting in two, he says, “When am I ever in a bad mood around my sister?”
Nana wants to argue with him, starts a banter that’s never ending so he’ll have to kiss her to shut her up but she doesn’t, instead she holds onto the feeling of being so wholesomely complete in his arms when he slides a key card into a suite and leads her through the door, wood door creaking shut like an old friend greeting.
The ever so familiar scent of expensive colognes and rich tobacco mingles in the air; a hint of peppermint sprinkled in there somewhere. The bed’s unmade and newspapers, text books and a copy of GQ is scattered all over it like some mood board belonging to a pubescent businessman. The velvet curtains are firmly shut, doing a great job at starving the room of any light and joy. It’s dark, elegant and drenched in seedy affairs of the past - every inch of it screams Kim Jaejoong.
“You like?”
She spins to the side enough to get a glimpse of him. His Armani back pack he substituted his school bag with is left abandoned on the floor, next to the couch he’s lying on, ankles hanging off the end of it and polished pointed toe shoes glimmering in the dark.
Nana's brow knits and she frowns, because she could not grasp what the point of this visit is. “I guess but that still doesn’t explain why we’re here.”
He huffs a laugh, loosening his tie and discarding it on the coffee table next to the ash tray. “I thought you’d be more excited to finally see where I live.”
“But…” she begins until what he’s been trying to say sinks in, “This is where you go when you leave every night?”
“Yup,” Jaejoong supplies dryly and wriggling his two fingers at her, signalling for her to come to him,
“You should be proud of yourself, sister, you’re the first to ever visit that I have no intention of kicking out.”
He props her up on his lap, his chin resting on her shoulder and warm puff of breath on her neck - a drowsy spell he uses ever so often to lull her into him. Unconscious of her action, she purrs out her thought, “Why don’t you stay home in that castle your father calls house?”
Peppering kisses on her collarbone, his hand working on the buttons of her school blouse and tells her, “That’s not my home, that’s my father’s - this, where you are, is my home.”
“What’s your point?” Nana says in a form of a whine, infinitely distracted by what his palm is doing under the sheer material she wish he would strip her off.
“What I’m saying,” he mumbles and she feels the curves of his smile etching itself into her skin, “I’m giving you a key.”
It takes her much longer than it should for his words to ring in her ears like sirens and crawls under her lids in neon shades of warning signs that goes straight to alert her bones and leaves her frozen - loss of words and empty of smart come backs. It’s Nana without her assets, now she’s a dumbstruck Barbie on her Ken’s lap.
Jaejoong seems more amused than concerned when he pulls it out of his pants and Nana couldn’t help but be half disappointed when it is entirely unrelated to their activity.
“For when you need oppa’s help.” He hands it to her, opening up her clenched palm and closing her manicured fingers around it, “You can always come here.”
She’ll try not to think about it for days to come but she will and it will because his words are an unbreakable vow Nana will hold him to for the rest of their lives together.
-
“Have you found yourself a nice young gentleman?” is her mother’s poor choice of opening like ten minutes into their Friday night dinner.
Mister Kim is a bottle of tranquility on her mother’s right - perfect mannerism of an upper class gentleman with his small bites and noiseless chews and swallows. It’s not much different on her left, Jaejoong drinks more than he ever eats and cooks up insults in his head with ears open to the chit chat that goes nowhere.
Voice hard, Nana says, “No, mother.”
Suddenly her eyes lower to her untouched noodle, twirling her chopsticks round and round. “That’s good then,” she says in a small voice, her gaze sliding over to her soon-to-be-husband who refuses her request for support, “I knew it would be a good idea to arrange your marriage with the Park’s heir - you know Park Yoochun, don’t you? He’s a lovely bo -
She gets up, Jaejoong doesn’t.
She leaves, he stays.
Nana never did like family dinner.
-
After throwing up her dinner, Nana bursts into his suit, fury flaming and hair ruined, she’s not looking anything like her polished self and she thinks maybe for once, she’d like him to see her like this - beaten down, broken, hurt, betrayed - a combination of defeat so he’ll pick her up and piece it all back together.
He doesn’t.
Jaejoong stands still like a mannequin dripping in brand name, doesn’t make any movement when she slaps him across the face before doing it again to see if he can detect any pain at all.
“You knew!” She accuses, pushing past him and into his room.
He affirms, “I knew.”
She should have left then. She should have stopped when the deal is sealed, everything settled into nice and bold ‘yes’ and ‘no but she can’t let him get off easy, she can’t let it go, there’s a wave that keeps on crashing the walls within her and if it’s going to come through and drown her then he’ll have her share of tragedy.
“What the hell was that for?”
He’s stoic as ever when he shuts the door and crosses the room to tower over her, still playing the authoritative ‘till the very end. “What was what for?”
They stare at each other.
“You,” Nana grits out, her breath hitching as she continues, “You knew I was going to get sold off for a fucking merger and that night when you asked me to forgive you, you were apologizing for this…for…Jesus, you played me good,” she gasps, gulping back a sob and pushes the greasy curls out of her face, wanting so badly to rip it all out, “Fucking me so I wouldn’t notice that you’re fucking me over and...oh god…” It hurts.
He inches down until they’re eye level, hers still looking red and on the edge of tears. “You think it’s only you?”
Her liquid fire gaze meet his with the sparks of defiance, flicking in her honey brown eyes before she scrambles back, choking on a strangled cry at how hard the piece of information he’s revealing is scratching to get into her skull, the cold, hard reality battling the delusion that’s dwindling away along with her only shot at keeping him.
“Krystal would have told me,” She sputters relentlessly, head shaking in denial that runs so deep it might as well be lunacy, “She would have -
“She would have told you nothing,” he shushes her so sharply it cuts, “You’ve clearly heard the rumors, you just choose not to ask -“
“So this is my fault?!” she screams, her head snapping back and fists clenched tight enough to draw blood.
A frustrated snarl rumbles as he advances towards her but stops a few strides short of her and nothing, there’s nothing he could do and he knows. Nana takes advantage of his confusion and brushes past him, taking in the dismantle state the room is in - shards of glass anywhere and Nana recalls, all of the sudden, that she hasn’t thrown anything, not yet anyway. He’s ripped the room apart before she could get here to join him, now there’s nothing left to destroy to console herself.
Finally, he tells her what she needs to hear. “It’s not your fault.”
Nana looks at him because it might be the last and slams the door in his face, fearing he would get to it first.
Something breaks and it’s the piece of his mirror under her feet and not her heart - definitely not. She looks down at it and there reflects back more truth than she’d ever be ready for, either way, she’s broken.
-
One summer night, she sits on the concrete of the fountain they never let do its job and stick her legs in the non-existent water, waiting for him to pull into the garage at any minute now with his Harley Davidson and come to collect his welcome home present.
She puts on the red lipstick, his favourite to sink his teeth into and when she wakes up, it’s smeared all over her face - by the pillow and not the way she’d have prefer.
-
Avoiding both Jaejoong and Yoochun turns out to be harder than she had predicted - the problem is Jaejoong knows her too well to not purposely be where she is and Yoochun is insistent enough to make partnering up with her for Biology happen.
Nana surrenders in fourth period to her now fiancé with his test tube racks and safety goggles.
“You don’t want to at least discuss the details our wedding?” Yoochun asks lamely and she wonders sadly if he knows he’s started on the wrong foot, “I won’t fight you on the catering and if - if you’re against a bachelor party, I am totally down with that.”
She feels her mouth fall open then closed again, then, “Just - just, set the experiment up while I read the instructions.”
Without another word, he gets to it with an embarrassed blush that makes her wince.
They don’t talk for the rest of the class but once in a while, he’ll stop and stare at her with half-moon eyes that belong to a love sick school boy.
-
Nana walks home alone under the blazing sun, the bag on her back heavier than ever and she uncharacteristically drags her feet on the pavement, making white lines on the grey stones.
There’s a soft hum of an engine from miles away and she doesn’t need to look to surmise that it’s him. She brands herself a coward and walks on, faster and faster because the further away she gets, the easier it is to dismiss her inability to see him anything but a beautiful mistake she will never regret.
She can’t stop playing a game of guess over his grand speech to earn her forgiveness and it’s Park Yoochun that snaps out of it when she clashes into him at the crossing near Coex mall.
“What are you doi -“
“Doesn’t matter,” she cuts him off quickly, pushing him out of the way and hurries along.
“Can I walk you home?”
Nana freezes and laughs snidely, “God, you do try hard.”
-
Jung Jessica arrives at the end of summer.
Her name echoes on the walls of the school for weeks to come and she can’t do much but pretend to not care when Jiyeon words vomit about her elite background, her potential nose job or how her fashion sense is so advanced from their level that even her Chanel purse are limited edition, only found in the Paris boutique.
Jaejoong’s phone screen will vibrates in that intimidating kind of violence and flash danger reds on the counter when Nana’s on her way to the living room and it should have been a sign to not get any closer but she snatches it up before she could even second guess herself and look even quicker.
‘Jessica’ in dead, robotic fonts plays hide and seek, peekaboo at Nana then returns to home screen where other twenties ‘Jessica’ continues in a long list of rejection.
He catches her with raised brow of intrigue that she response to like a dare too good to turn down.
“You’re a naughty sister, invading her oppa’s privacy.”
She hands it back to him when he puts his hand out, anything but shame in her scoff, “There’s no such thing as privacy between you and I, remember? You said so yourself.”
“Well,” he grins, encouraged by her unexpected mood, “That was when you were a good girl and let oppa do…whatever he wants with you, in his bed.”
“And now I’m in Yoochun’s.” she fires back smugly.
Something snaps in him. Nana sees it, in the way his trademark dare devil smile straightens itself into a harsh line, the feral glare swimming in the pool of black in his orbs - she’d push him too far and it’s the best she’s felt in days. With a single movement from her part, he snatches her forearm and drags her right back to where they’ve started, self-battles of hatred and redemption. The tamed part of him he’s been so keen to present to her vanishes into thin air and the beast comes out, deranged and so full of incurable anger - Jaejoong’s no different from her, not better and not any worst; they’re the same.
“That’s a lie.” He commands through gritted teeth, voice quivering with every word, “Admit it.”
She swallows away the surge of panic clogging up her throat, her savage temper coming to an end
at the introduction of his.
“It’s a lie,” she repeats in a solemn confession, “But it won’t be.”
His façade slips and fracture the moment he leaves the room, it’s become glaringly obvious to Nana that he’s been disobeying time and strapping himself down to the here and now - with her.
-
What she dreads most, as they do, arrive at her door steps when she’s looking her worst - covered in a thin layer of sweat, yellow short short, ‘gym bunny’ crop top, unwashed blonde tresses in a haphazard bun and her muddied sneakers she has been too lazy to tie up is half slipping off along with her striped socks.
Mirroring her from the other side of the door flame is a black and white princess, monogram hand bag and Prada’s cat eye sunglasses. It’s Jung Jessica’s version of laidback fashion and Vogue probably has a column on it somewhere.
Nana plays dumb, crosses her arms and tugs a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “What can I do for you?”
“I’m looking for Jaejoong.” She says but doesn’t look up from her Blackberry. “Where is he?”
“Why should I tell you?” She gives the girl a mean little smile, tongue curled behind her teeth. “Who are you anyway?”
Color rushes to her cheeks. She is livid, clearly, irritated. “I’m his fiancée, now tell me where is he?”
“He’s not home,” Nana tells her, more as filler than anything else, “Good luck finding him.”
-
Jaejoong is about ready for the event. Tonight, not different from any other, he’s in another black suit, black tie attire with a traditional white dress shirt that she’s stained with her lipstick one too many times in the summer. He battle with the cuff links and that remains the same in the back of the limo.
“You’re staring,” his gruff voice breaks the stillness between them, his eyes slowly rising to meet hers.
“And you don’t?”
“I won't deny it,” he drawls, “I stare at you whenever I get the chance.”
Nana sighs and look away, asks in politeness, “Do you want help with doing that up?”
“This,” he grumbles, lifting up his sleeves and grimace at it in hopelessness, “You did always have to do it for me after we -
“Shut up,” Nana tells him, but then, “Come here.”
“As you wish,” He smirks, propping the back of his forearm on her knee and moving in closer and closer until the distance between them is non-existent, “You can do whatever you want with me.”
“Don’t do that,” she stills his wandering hand with a firm tone.
“Why?” he purrs, catching her earlobe in his teeth, “Because you’re engaged?”
Panic seizes Nana momentarily because she misses him and despite, the minutes, hours, days and weeks that have gone into cleansing him out of her system, he keeps making his way back to her. It’s no blame game and Nana’s given up on arguing with the concept of back stabbing when she turns her back so readily but if he fools her again, she will be caught in his web forever.
“No,” she says, slowly inching away, “Because you are.”
He refuses to let her hand go for the rest of the drive and when she wrenches her hand away, it feels like letting go but really, it isn’t.
-
At the round table of four with the only two of them, Yoochun watches her with expressive, puppy dog eyes. "You're too easy to read," he tells her. "I can tell you’re in love with him.”
Nana almost chokes on her drink but recovers quick enough to mask her surprise “What are you on about?”
“You, Jaejoong and the way you look at him.”
“Park Yoo -“ she sighs, putting her champagne flute down.
“Just Yoochun,” he corrects, stretching his arms along with a long yawn, “It’s weird, he’s going to be your brother and everything but I guess that makes it easier for me.”
Nana blinks at him. “Excuse me?”
“Well, yeah, I’m in love with you,” he says as if it’s the simplest thing in the world, like how trees grow and babies crawl, “If that much isn’t obvious.”
She gapes at him in exasperation, a mirthless laugh unintentionally leaving her. “You can’t be serious.”
Yoochun looks even more confused than her. “Why is that so hard to believe?” He asks her as gently as he can, probably with expectation that the news will be mind boggling for her. “I’ve loved you ever since the first time I saw you.”
“That was like what? Three months ago?”
“Something like that.”
He’s knocked her cold with his honesty, she’s got nothing left up her sleeves. Nana uncrosses her leg and cross it again, stuff a spoonful of frosting into her mouth and looks into the distance like the crowd of high school girls and their boyfriends are anything of her interest.
She feels his cool finger tips on her cheeks, his touch too light for her to notice. It’s only when he strokes her collarbone and presses his lips on it that his true intention also presses itself into the high ranking of her reconsideration of his affection.
Yoochun smiles, soft, ethereal, angelic. “It's okay, you know, we'll get married and one day you'll wake up and might even like me."
-
What comes around goes around - Nana thinks that saying is meant for fiancées because Jung Jessica is on the hunt for Jaejoong and he’s not an easy prey to catch when he doesn’t want to be in capture.
“Oh my fucking god,” Jung Ah is about to lose it, sprinting into class and scrambling for the nearest chair, “She’s here!”
“Who? Who?” Lizzy asks in overenthusiasm, due math homework forgotten.
There’s a pause of anticipation around Nana for Jung Ah to reveal the name they’ve all been wanting to hear and she delivers, “Kim Jaejoong’s fiancée - Jessica, she’s here.”
“I’ve been waiting for this all week long,” Jiyeon place both hands on her chest and breathes deeply, whispering how grateful she is to the lord, “Let’s go.”
Nana eyes dart back and forth between Jiyeon’s arm linking with hers and her seemingly innocent expression. “Let’s go, where?”
She looks at her with wide, uncomprehending eyes and says like it’s impossible not to know, “To go watch your brother and Miss California have a show down”
“Why would they have a show down?”
“What do you mean wh -“ Jiyeon barks at her but stops midway with a disappointed shake of the head then yanks her along, “Never mind, you’ll see soon enough.”
-
It’s less of a reunion and border line unpleasantry of a lover and a leaver.
Nana arrives at the scene of the year, a trail of her nerves following and Jiyeon as an armour. There’s no rekindling of romance with the space between Jaejoong and his carelessness faces off with Jessica and her five inch heels - it’s all business and not the pleasurable kind.
They stand a few feet from each other and if Nana didn’t know better, she’d have thought they’ll be pull out the guns and shoot each other dead. The crowd gather around in a full circle of entertainment, Jiyeon and her plays a part of the crowd blender, ears open wide and eyes wider.
Finally, Jessica speaks first, “You’re a hard man to track down, oppa.”
“Must be when I’m in hiding.” He says, his eyes on the flame from the lighter he’s burning the end of his Marlboro with. “Why are you at my school? Or are you desperate enough to follow me all the way to where you don’t belong?”
Jaejoong’s cold and calculated and cruel; a tyrannical man that takes after his father but he’s with impeccable manners, never rude - until now.
The petite brunette frowns, positively fuming. “What else was I supposed to do when you pick up your phone?”
“Most women take that as a sign, you know.”
“I’m not most women,” Jessica says with confidence she doesn’t feel, “I’m your fiancée."
That somehow makes Jaejoong laugh, the worst kind of amusement; mocking sarcasm. “Looks like I’ve got myself a few more years before I have to deal with you then."
Nana does her best not to flee, she doesn’t know how much longer she’s got left until the confrontation takes the wrong turn into her street. Jessica’s gaze drifts into the crowd where it finds hers; Nana stands her ground and participate in the bitch fight of sight, going into it knowing full well that it’s a losing fight.
“You don’t have to stay,” she hears a low whisper and recognizes whose it is without having to think,
“You don’t need to stay, Nana.”
Park Yoochun wraps his hand around her small wrist and does a little tug, his request for her to run and not look back with him. Nana finishes up the back and forth of the eyes and swiftly turns, allowing Yoochun to make way in the cluster of students and steer her away from act one of ‘bride to be and groom want to not be’.
They’re nowhere close to safe zone when she’s ripped away with a force strong enough to have dislocated her entire arm. Nana collides with a hard surface that is her step brother’s chest.
“Oppa’s not done talking yet,” Jaejoong snarls loud enough for Jessica to hear, his grip like iron on her shoulder, “Don't be rude.”
“No,” Yoochung tries to reason but sounding less than calm himself, “She doesn’t need to listen to anything.”
“What is going on?” Jessica barks, silencing the ‘ooh’s and ‘ahh’s coming from the surrounding students.
Nana scurries away, pushing at his chest with the surge of adrenaline and still nothing, she remains by his side with no chance of going where else.
“Sister,” he warns menacingly, “If you don’t want to get hurt, I suggest you stop doing what you’re doing.”
“Let me go or I swear -“
“I think I’ve been coming to school too much, it’s taking a toll on my reputation since you all seem to be testing my last nerve,” Jaejoong says, scowl hardening when she attempts to interrupt him for the second time in a row, “I’m going to take a personal day and sister here is going to come along too, I hope you don’t mind me borrowing your fiancée for a day, Yoochun.”
Yoochung hisses, almost pleading. “Just let her go, Jaejoong.”
“Sorry,” He drawls, not sounding anything close to apologetic, “I forgot to mention, you don’t get a say in this.”
Jaejoong breaks a heart with his royal arrogance and for once, it’s not hers.
I WANNA BE YOURS, arctic monkeys
Take me with you anywhere
I don’t care
I wanna be yours
TENNIS COURT, lorde
Baby be the class clown
I'll be the beauty queen in tears
It's a new art form showing people how little we care
WAITING GAME, banks
I wish I was in love but I don't want to cause any pain
and if I'm feeling like I'm evil, we've got nothing to gain
EYELINE, nana
you're dangerous, you keep making me change
say goodbye to my innocent self
MINE, beyonce (ft. drake)
I just wanna say, you're mine, you're mine
fuck what you heard, you're mine, you're mine