3 kinds of heartbreak (1/2)
3 kinds of heartbreak (1/2)
~ 1,120 w, pg, (yoona/changmin; hint of changmin/jessica and yoona/siwon)
Seoul’s a Pandora box containing the lost love of two naïve teens.
■ a collaboration fic with aqsa (bollywoodrecord from tentanda) and I /woo!
■ the 'i.' is written by aqsa and 'ii.' by me.
■ for aoza cause all the respect and we're kind of in love with you...
i.
Promised forever is how her heart first loves.
Choi Siwon is the perfect first lover. The way they fall together is in sync, and she likes the way his hands hold on to hers, and the way he smiles when he says her name. She likes the way he calls her beautiful, and how despite the innocence Choi Siwon is still lovely. "Choi Siwon, I like you," and at the time those words are perfect (just like them).
Everlasting heartbreak is how her heart is first broken.
She is at the top of the rope. Her moves are slow and follow above him, trudging after ugly words, and Yoona doesn’t quite get it then. Siwon has friends, plenty of friends, and of what first is a housewarming party becomes little of that. He throws events here and there and she cleans up after blank faces that she can only differentiate by the drinks in their hands. He likes people, sometimes more than he likes her, and it hurts. Yoona wants him all to herself but her living has learned to divide him among the rest and she wonders if that is what her heart should do too,
(It is at these parties that she meets Jessica, and Jessica is all kinds of flawless. her smile is beautiful and she is the type of lovely that attracts countless. she is not standard, not like Yoona, and she fits along with Siwon's lifestyle. Yoona doesn't know if that was it, but she guesses it probably was.
She remembers Changmin at this time - when that sort of romance was irrelevant, the kind they had - and when that happens she doesn't notice the ache in her heart.
But then again, how can you love when the first tear wasn't ever patched up?
She doesn't have an answer.)
The middle of the rope he disappears. He comes home late, leaves early, and the words exchanged in between are a mere excuse for conversations. Yoona holds on to the little that he leaves for her and wonders where that forever went.
When it finally happens, she still loves him. His voice isn't cold, and Yoona thinks that might have been the worst part. "This isn't practical," and she wonders when practicality ever was a part of this game. "We're different, and there is better out there for the both of us." He says it like it is obvious, Choi Siwon, and Yoona remembers the time when for her, there was only one in the world. (was there even a time like that for him? she doesn't know anymore.)
The steps as he is leaving are piercing. With each landing fall, she winces, but he doesn't seem to notice. Siwon has never gotten his heart broken, probably. He doesn't see the scars forming with every tear he makes, doesn't hear the screaming that she holds in, doesn't understand the incessant torment he's put her in. Yoona still loves him as he makes his way away - away from her, from them, from what Yoona can't pinpoint, but he does not know any of this. He is breaking her.
Siwon shuts the door and the last blow is deafening. She lets go, then.
ii.
The day is surprisingly normal, an ordinary afternoon in an ordinary café from across the street.
Changmin keeps expecting there to be some kind of dramatic scene, incomprehensible insults and meaningless words that cuts, that’s how they’ve always been - Changmin and Jessica, Jessica and Changmin, the proven true to experiment ‘love does have to hurt’.
It’s the way he says it, ‘let’s break up’. The deadly phrase that signifies the end to an era, their era where they’ve ruled for a little too long, only comes out as dull and unsubstantial, not relevant or overwhelmed with emotions and it’s because Changmin’s always been one to call thing by their right names, timings included.
The brim of the coffee cup is touching her lips when she laughs into it and brushes off, “You don’t mean that.”
And it is the respond he expects from Jessica- she is not one for weakling nature or broken smiles. She is a soldier, still fighting in their very last war even after the white flag has been waved. Jessica refuses to sign the peace treaty.
The thing is Changmin had never been particularly paternal.
“But I do.”
Bitterness and pain spirals out of her, angry and fierce, evident in her brown eyes and he wants to reach out and take it all away from her. She looks away before he can absorb any of her heartbreak and Changmin thinks that hurts him most.
“You know,” Jessica begins in a soft whisper, looking out the window at the busy street.. “I used to have these…,” she blows out a breath then continues, “Silly thoughts, about what would it be like when you stop loving me.” Changmin knows there are tears in her eyes, he hears it in her voice.
“Then one day I just stopped thinking about those things. It seemed like such stupid nonsense when
I was so sure you were never going to not love me.”
They had plans before moving to Seoul - Jessica was going to work at Vogue and Changmin, at New York’s time. A studio apartment with wood flooring and red wine for dinner every day but she was insistent about flying back and his affection had clouded over his better judgement to the degree of following her despite his reluctance.
New York is, was their city. Seoul’s a Pandora box containing the lost love of two naïve teens. (Im Yoona - an old portrait in his wallet, hidden behind the one of Jessica and him.)
Changmin takes a sip of his tea, the lukewarm liquid quenches his thirst before he speaks again, “I’ve been in love you for such a long time that at some point I thought we were going to last.”
Jessica sighs, the kind of sorrowful, hopeless sigh that hurts him, too. He can feel her pain, and he'd give anything to take it away.
“This,” she says softly, “is probably what’s best for you and I only want the best for you.”
He hears the sound of surrender and chair dragging against the floor when, “Goodbye, Changmin.”
It's heartbreaking, the aftermath of this indefinable mess. Changmin intended to head back to dorm after everything that had happened, go home and swallows his guilt, maybe take some Panadol and pray that sleep finds him sooner than the pain can course through his veins. Instead he finds himself unable to move, paralyzed in his chair and looking at Jessica’s empty one.
Changmin finishes his tea and knows it’s over. Period.
~ 1,120 w, pg, (yoona/changmin; hint of changmin/jessica and yoona/siwon)
Seoul’s a Pandora box containing the lost love of two naïve teens.
■ a collaboration fic with aqsa (bollywoodrecord from tentanda) and I /woo!
■ the 'i.' is written by aqsa and 'ii.' by me.
■ for aoza cause all the respect and we're kind of in love with you...
i.
Promised forever is how her heart first loves.
Choi Siwon is the perfect first lover. The way they fall together is in sync, and she likes the way his hands hold on to hers, and the way he smiles when he says her name. She likes the way he calls her beautiful, and how despite the innocence Choi Siwon is still lovely. "Choi Siwon, I like you," and at the time those words are perfect (just like them).
Everlasting heartbreak is how her heart is first broken.
She is at the top of the rope. Her moves are slow and follow above him, trudging after ugly words, and Yoona doesn’t quite get it then. Siwon has friends, plenty of friends, and of what first is a housewarming party becomes little of that. He throws events here and there and she cleans up after blank faces that she can only differentiate by the drinks in their hands. He likes people, sometimes more than he likes her, and it hurts. Yoona wants him all to herself but her living has learned to divide him among the rest and she wonders if that is what her heart should do too,
(It is at these parties that she meets Jessica, and Jessica is all kinds of flawless. her smile is beautiful and she is the type of lovely that attracts countless. she is not standard, not like Yoona, and she fits along with Siwon's lifestyle. Yoona doesn't know if that was it, but she guesses it probably was.
She remembers Changmin at this time - when that sort of romance was irrelevant, the kind they had - and when that happens she doesn't notice the ache in her heart.
But then again, how can you love when the first tear wasn't ever patched up?
She doesn't have an answer.)
The middle of the rope he disappears. He comes home late, leaves early, and the words exchanged in between are a mere excuse for conversations. Yoona holds on to the little that he leaves for her and wonders where that forever went.
When it finally happens, she still loves him. His voice isn't cold, and Yoona thinks that might have been the worst part. "This isn't practical," and she wonders when practicality ever was a part of this game. "We're different, and there is better out there for the both of us." He says it like it is obvious, Choi Siwon, and Yoona remembers the time when for her, there was only one in the world. (was there even a time like that for him? she doesn't know anymore.)
The steps as he is leaving are piercing. With each landing fall, she winces, but he doesn't seem to notice. Siwon has never gotten his heart broken, probably. He doesn't see the scars forming with every tear he makes, doesn't hear the screaming that she holds in, doesn't understand the incessant torment he's put her in. Yoona still loves him as he makes his way away - away from her, from them, from what Yoona can't pinpoint, but he does not know any of this. He is breaking her.
Siwon shuts the door and the last blow is deafening. She lets go, then.
ii.
The day is surprisingly normal, an ordinary afternoon in an ordinary café from across the street.
Changmin keeps expecting there to be some kind of dramatic scene, incomprehensible insults and meaningless words that cuts, that’s how they’ve always been - Changmin and Jessica, Jessica and Changmin, the proven true to experiment ‘love does have to hurt’.
It’s the way he says it, ‘let’s break up’. The deadly phrase that signifies the end to an era, their era where they’ve ruled for a little too long, only comes out as dull and unsubstantial, not relevant or overwhelmed with emotions and it’s because Changmin’s always been one to call thing by their right names, timings included.
The brim of the coffee cup is touching her lips when she laughs into it and brushes off, “You don’t mean that.”
And it is the respond he expects from Jessica- she is not one for weakling nature or broken smiles. She is a soldier, still fighting in their very last war even after the white flag has been waved. Jessica refuses to sign the peace treaty.
The thing is Changmin had never been particularly paternal.
“But I do.”
Bitterness and pain spirals out of her, angry and fierce, evident in her brown eyes and he wants to reach out and take it all away from her. She looks away before he can absorb any of her heartbreak and Changmin thinks that hurts him most.
“You know,” Jessica begins in a soft whisper, looking out the window at the busy street.. “I used to have these…,” she blows out a breath then continues, “Silly thoughts, about what would it be like when you stop loving me.” Changmin knows there are tears in her eyes, he hears it in her voice.
“Then one day I just stopped thinking about those things. It seemed like such stupid nonsense when
I was so sure you were never going to not love me.”
They had plans before moving to Seoul - Jessica was going to work at Vogue and Changmin, at New York’s time. A studio apartment with wood flooring and red wine for dinner every day but she was insistent about flying back and his affection had clouded over his better judgement to the degree of following her despite his reluctance.
New York is, was their city. Seoul’s a Pandora box containing the lost love of two naïve teens. (Im Yoona - an old portrait in his wallet, hidden behind the one of Jessica and him.)
Changmin takes a sip of his tea, the lukewarm liquid quenches his thirst before he speaks again, “I’ve been in love you for such a long time that at some point I thought we were going to last.”
Jessica sighs, the kind of sorrowful, hopeless sigh that hurts him, too. He can feel her pain, and he'd give anything to take it away.
“This,” she says softly, “is probably what’s best for you and I only want the best for you.”
He hears the sound of surrender and chair dragging against the floor when, “Goodbye, Changmin.”
It's heartbreaking, the aftermath of this indefinable mess. Changmin intended to head back to dorm after everything that had happened, go home and swallows his guilt, maybe take some Panadol and pray that sleep finds him sooner than the pain can course through his veins. Instead he finds himself unable to move, paralyzed in his chair and looking at Jessica’s empty one.
Changmin finishes his tea and knows it’s over. Period.