The Last Man Missing Scene: Fulcrum
First off, I think this episode has *at least* three episode tags/missing scenes I'd like to write. This is simply the first one that I wanted to do. The other two come after this. So though I know this isn't the one some of you wanted to see out of me first, it's the one that I felt needed to be done first.
This fic contains muchos spoilers for The Last Man and at least one mention of a character that's going to be in season 5 mentioned via Joe Mallozzi's blog.
Fulcrum
“What do you mean, he’s missing?” Rodney demanded.
Lorne shifted uncomfortably. His face was a portrait of misery. “Doc, I don’t know what happened. I dialed Atlantis, Colonel Sheppard said for us to wait around a few more hours for the Genii to show up, he walked through the ‘gate. We came back and when I tried to find the colonel to brief him, there’s no Colonel.”
Rodney was simply numb as Sam tried to toss around possible explanations. It took everything he had not to shred Lorne to pieces because now the unlucky Major had lost both Teyla and John, and Rodney was never very good at curbing his anger.
“He’s out there,” Rodney finally said, his chin coming up, “and we’ve got to find him.”
~*~
“He’s not out there,” Radek declared, frustrated. “I’m sorry Rodney, but you couldn’t expect them to leave his status as MIA indefinitely.”
Rodney’s hand convulsed around the official KIA notification. He stared at Radek and tried to realize this was the end of the road - as far as the SGC was concerned.
Anger surged; he refused to accept it. “A human being does not just disappear, Radek!” Rodney balled the notice and threw it savagely across the room. “There is absolutely no reason for Sheppard to not be here. He went somewhere,” Rodney pressed his hands against his face. Think, Rodney, Think. He pulled his hands away and tried to focus his blurry eyes on the vid screen full of readings, gate diagnostics from both worlds. “I just have to figure out where he went.”
~*~
Rodney studied Carson's still form. Logically, he knew Carson couldn’t hear him. Couldn’t see him. Carson wasn’t thinking or feeling and for one, brief second, Rodney envied him, terribly. “Sheppard’s gone, Carson.” Rodney jerked his hands helplessly. “He stepped into the wormhole and he never stepped out. And I don’t know if I can find him.”
~*~
Ronon nodded briefly towards a tall, well dressed man sitting across the casket from them. Grave-side services, Rodney thought, were creepy. Even knowing that there wasn’t anything or anyone in the casket. “That’s Dave, Sheppard’s brother.”
“Oh,” Rodney said.
Two rows of chairs, one on either side of the grave, and it seemed the division that existed in John’s life, existed in his supposed death, as well. His Atlantis friends sat on one side of his grave while his family, ex-wife, old friends, they grouped on the other.
Only one side knew there wasn’t any body, and only one of those even believed Sheppard was still alive. Somewhere, somehow.
The service was brief, but nice. They’d given Sheppard an honor guard. Then Ronon introduced Rodney to Dave, and he took John’s brother’s hand and bit his tongue. “I wish it were under better circumstances,” he said, instead of, “don’t you believe it for a moment.”
Dave nodded, his face empty. “I’d thought --”
“He talked about you often,” Rodney lied.
“Really?”
“He’d hoped, well…he never was very good with these things.” Rodney figured, given the chance, Sheppard would’ve wanted to tell Dave a lot of things. Just like he’d wanted to tell Jeannie.
And at that, Dave laughed, mostly bitter. “It always did take a funeral to get anything out of John.” He thrust his hands lower into his overcoat pockets and stared at the turned dirt. “I guess some things never will change.”
~*~
“So, if the wormhole didn’t go to another planet, then --” Rodney was muttering to himself, trying to work through the puzzle that was driving him crazy.
Footsteps behind him.
“McKay, we’ve found Teyla.”
Ronon yanked Rodney to his feet and started toward the door.
“Wait wait wait! I think I found something!”
“Yeah?” Ronon asked, steadying Rodney when he tripped trying to turn around, “well, it’ll still be here when we get back.” He stopped trying to drag Rodney forward and stared at him, “can you say the same for Teyla?”
Rodney swallowed, looked back at the blinking line of script waiting to be executed. Wherever John was, time probably wasn’t a factor.
~*~
Lorne’s hand on Rodney’s shoulder pulled his attention from the floor. He didn’t want to do this, but he didn’t want to not do this, either.
“Doc,” Lorne breathed, “we...I…can do this.”
Rodney shook his head and stood. He tucked the pistol into the holster on his thigh. Across the room, Ronon thrust his arms into his duster, checked his gun. No one talked much as they got ready. “No, this is…Sheppard wouldn’t want.” Rodney couldn’t even finish a sentence anymore. Two months ago, this worst-case scenario wouldn’t have even been a figment of Rodney's doom-inspired mind. Sheppard gone, Teyla dead - what next?
“Sheppard would want what’s left of his team to escort Teyla’s body back to her people.” There, he’d done it. He’d said it. Teyla’s body.
He breathed, squared his shoulders. You can’t escape the present, and Rodney was done trying to recover his equilibrium. He strode across the room and eyed Ronon steadily, “We ready?”
~*~
“She’s gone, Carson. I don’t know how to fix this. At least Sheppard’s situation is something I can work on, maybe solve, but Teyla is dead and Keller is too busy trying to save people from the virus to work on your cure and --” Rodney trailed off, slumped in the chair beside Carson’s stasis chamber. “What am I even doing here? All I’ve ever given since we found you was bad news.”
~*~
It was ironic that on the day Rodney discovered where Sheppard had gone, was the same day that Sam left for Earth to argue in favor of continuing to fight against Michael.
~*~
The mess hall was crowded. Rodney took his tray and scanned for a seat. A sea of faces, and if he hadn’t focused on Radek waving him over, he would’ve just taken his lunch back to his lab instead of enduring the hour break he’d realized he desperately needed.
“Rodney, I sent another batch of simulations this morning. Did they help?”
“Yes,” Rodney slid onto the seat, “I think I’ve narrowed down the possible destinations.”
Radek’s hand paused. “Past or future?”
“Future,” Rodney sighed, “and if I’m right, approximately forty-eight thousand years into the future.”
Radek swore.
~*~
He cornered Keller coming out of a briefing. “About Carson,” Rodney started, matching her stride.
“What about Carson?” she asked, brusque.
“I’d hoped, by now, that maybe --”
“I’d have found a cure?”
“Well, yes.”
Keller stopped, folded her arms. “Should I stop trying to save the hundreds of people that are dying daily out there because of the Hoffan virus? Or should I let the personnel here die? Or maybe I should just quit trying to sleep at all, and work straight through, day and night?”
“Sleep’s overrated?” Rodney tried helpfully.
~*~
“I need your help, Rodney.” Sam slipped into his darkened lab. “The Phoenix arrived this afternoon.”
Help? Everyone needed his help. He kept typing, ignoring Sam. He almost hoped if he did, she’d just go away. But she didn’t. He sensed Sam leaning against the wall behind him.
“You got what you needed,” Rodney said flatly. “You don’t need me to fight Michael. I’m better used trying to get Sheppard back.” He was still harboring resentment that she’d refused to help him work on Sheppard’s situation. Regardless of her arguments that Sheppard could wait, that if they didn’t defeat Michael, bringing Sheppard back wouldn’t save anyone.
Sam snorted. “The Phoenix is two months too early off the line, Rodney. She’s barely staying in orbit. If we’re going to have any hope, I need your help in getting her ready to fight.”
Michael. They’d created that monster, they’d failed to kill him when they had the chance, and now Michael was at the root of almost everything Rodney had ever cared for and lost. Carson, John, Teyla - and he just had a horrible feeling that the death toll was only beginning.
By the time Rodney turned, Sam was gone.
~*~
He began working on the Phoenix’s systems without any word between them; one day he just showed up and dug in. Rodney couldn’t help Keller. He wasn’t a medical doctor and he didn’t ever want to be.
And maybe Sam was right.
~*~
Rodney paced in front of Carson. “Ronon left yesterday.”
Ronon left to train his people.
It didn’t make it feel less…something…that Ronon had asked Rodney to come with him. They’d both known that wasn’t an option.
“About Sheppard, promise me you’ll keep trying.”
“I will. Ronon…stay safe, okay?”
“Safe’s not what I had in mind, McKay.”
“Well then…promise me you’ll kill as many of them as you can, hmm?”
“Oh, Carson,” Rodney murmured, “things are…really bad, right now. In a way, it’s probably better not to be here.”
~*~
When did Elizabeth’s office become Sam’s?
Rodney lifted the cardboard box and balanced it on his hip. He eyed the now-stripped room. He didn’t envy who next would fill those shoes. Both predecessors had given their lives to save others. They were very big shoes.
~*~
“I…I don’t know how to say this, Carson.” Rodney ran his hands nervously down the front of his civilian pants. “I guess there’s no easy way, so I’ll just do it. Ronon’s dead, so’s Sam, though you never did have much time to get to know her. The IOA are idiots and Woolsey is… well he’s not Sam or Elizabeth.” He wasn’t going to fight for people he saw as a lost cause. “Keller and I, we’re leaving, Carson. They won’t let us help anyone here, and maybe they’re right. Maybe our time is done. Maybe it’s time to just accept that we lost.
“Anyway, there’s a new doctor arriving on the supply ship and Keller’s going to turn over all her notes on finding you a cure. I don’t know if they will in my lifetime, so, well, I guess this is goodbye, again.”
Rodney stepped up to the smooth surface of the chamber and splayed his hand across Carson’s face. “I hope some day you find out what happened, to all of us. Who knows, maybe you and Sheppard will find a way to come back and save everyone.”
~*~
“Rodney?” Keller knocked softly on his door. Her voice filtered through the bulkhead. “You should eat something. I might not be your doctor anymore, but I’m still your friend. Come on, don’t make me stand out here talking to a metal door. People will start looking at me funny.”
He palmed the control, and smiled crookedly when she abruptly pulled her hand away from punching him in the nose (he’d apparently caught her mid-knock). “Oh, there you are.”
“Here I am,” he said dryly. He stepped back and waved her into his room. “It’s only been two days.”
“I know. It’s just. Well.” Keller’s lips twitched as she lifted a pile of laundry off the chair and sat. “I thought maybe it’d help if we spent some time together. The past few months,” she looked rueful, “they’ve been rough. And now here we are, the two of us.”
But so many standing around them. Rodney tried not to see Sheppard, Carson, Teyla, Ronon, Sam - and even Radek, waving as the beam captured Rodney, or Lorne, signing Rodney’s weapons into the armory and promising to stay in touch. He shook his head, regret worming its way in. “I just wish I knew we were doing the right thing.”
“Radek promised to keep working on a solution to bring Sheppard back, and Doctor Porter seems very competent. I’m sure she’ll make progress on Carson’s situation.” Keller stood and took Rodney’s hand, dipping her head until she caught his eye. “We’ve given everything, Rodney, but the IOA wasn’t going to let us give any more. Maybe it’s time we make a new start. Live our lives.”
Rodney nodded. Maybe she was right. There were other scientists that could save Sheppard, and Carson. He was tired. They’d lost so much, lived through so much lately that Rodney wasn’t even sure he’d been doing anything right. How many calculations had Radek corrected in the last few weeks before he’d decided to leave with Keller?
“Okay.” Sometimes you can shut a door and move on. He’d done it before, when he’d gone to Siberia. He’d thought he’d never be back at the SGC and look how that’d ended up? He hadn’t gone back to the SGC, he’d wound up on Atlantis and that’d been some of the most memorable years he imagined he’d ever have. He grabbed his sweater and opened the door. “Lunch sounds good.”
~*~
What the hell? I mean, seriously, what the hell!
Rodney wanted to punch something, someone, because this wasn’t just grossly unfair, this was bordering on ludicrous. Was he destined to be the last man? The last survivor of an expedition that had only ever meant to do something big and great?
“I’m sorry, Doctor McKay, but your wife passed away earlier this morning.”
In his darkened guest quarters in the SGC, Rodney’s shoulders shook.
~*~
The Dean studied Rodney, his hand resting on the open resume. “Frankly, Doctor, I’m a little confused as to why you’ve applied for the position.”
“Your lack of insight hardly means I’m not qualified.”
The Dean’s eyes narrowed, his lips thinned. “That’s just it. You’re so far over-qualified that I question your motivations for wanting this job.”
“Your questions are hardly relevant to my capabilities. I assure you, your students, no matter how poorly prepared for physics, or life in general, as they may be, will not possibly receive a better education from anyone else.”
“You’re rather blunt, aren’t you?”
Rodney’s jaw flexed. “I don’t have time for anything less. Now, am I hired, or not?”
~*~
“Professor?”
Rodney waved Johnson into his office. “Come in.” She was timid. There was a time when Rodney would’ve eaten her for breakfast. “You’re here about your abysmal test scores, yes?” While he asked, he continued to write equations on the white board behind his desk. No, no, that wasn’t right! Son of a bitch! He erased the last five lines of math and backed up until he perched on the edge of his desk.
Finally, she squeaked, “Yes, Sir. I’d hoped --”
Pen against his mouth, Rodney said, “What you’d hoped is to pass by virtue of a curve, a practice of which, I’m woefully unwilling to allow into my classroom. Either you know the material or not. I do not pass individuals merely because the entire population sucks equally at a topic.”
“I didn’t…” She exhaled and tightened her grip on her books, clutching them against her chest. “Professor, I need to pass this course. I’m here to ask…would you be willing to…tutor me, outside of class?”
“Huh. Someone here actually asking for help instead of whining against the status quo.” Rodney glanced at her over his shoulder. “Nine am, Miss Johnson, my office.” He turned back to his board and started re-doing the erased line of math, this time substituting the unknown with a new variable in base twelve. He’d quickly realized to get John back it was going to take something that didn’t exist yet.
He saw her nod in his peripheral vision. “Thank you, Doctor McKay. I promise I won’t let you down.”
After she left, Rodney swore at the whiteboard. What did she know of letting anyone down?
~*~
“Mer, please, give it a rest?” Jeannie came, uninvited, into his apartment. She dropped three collected newspapers into the trash and wrinkled her nose at the pile of dishes in the sink. “Or get a maid.”
“Unless you have something productive to add, quit distracting me.”
Damn this puzzle. Damn the IOA for keeping Radek too busy to help or consult. Damn the whole forsaken universe for dropping Rodney into such a terrible future.
Jeannie was a quiet presence behind him. Then she took up marking pen and nudged him over. “Some day I hope Sheppard realizes what depths of depravity saving him led you to.” She cleared her throat. “Jesus, Mer, you need a shower.”
~*~
The day he realized he had it, Rodney cried. Or at least he'd wanted to, but there just wasn’t anything left. Twenty-five years was a long time to work on one problem. But if it worked, if he truly could pull this off, twenty-five years was a very small thing for all the lives of those he’d ever cared about.
~*~
Lorne walked him to the Stargate. “Good luck, Doc.”
“Thank you. For this. I know you’ll probably have to face some --”
“No, Doc, that’s not your problem.” Lorne smiled sadly. “Besides, I owe you a couple.”
Rodney shook his head. He’d reconciled that long ago. “It wasn’t your fault. Teyla made her own decision, and so did Sheppard.”
“I know. But I was sent to protect Teyla, McKay. And I dialed the gate when the colonel was lost. It’s hard not to think about it. Even if I didn’t think I owed you for that, there isn’t anyone else I’d ever believe capable of changing this.”
“Thanks,” Rodney shook Lorne’s hand, “for everything.”
“Godspeed, Doc.”
~*~
“So, I guess you’re still here, waiting.” It was a surprise, to see Carson as young as he’d been, over twenty-five years ago. “Remember our last visit? Well, of course you don’t. You know, you really should’ve taken me up on that offer. Anyway, I know the new doctor is optimistic but, just in case, I’m going to work on some upgrades.”
Rodney unrolled his tools and began hooking up wires.
“Thing is, I have a plan, Carson, and if it works, Sheppard’s going to have to use one of these.” He stopped and straightened. “Huh, who would’ve thought we would’ve needed to use these so much? Well, maybe we should’ve. Anyway, hard to think so far down the road. Forty thousand years, you’ll either be out of here or dead, which frees it up for Sheppard.”
And he supposed it didn’t matter if Carson died at this point. If this worked, Sheppard would come back, they’d save Teyla, rewrite history, and hopefully Jennifer would find a cure for Carson and the Hoffan virus. Either way, he’d devoted too much of everything to turn back now.
~*~
Becoming holo-Rodney was a strange, disassociative feeling. One moment he was programming himself into the database, then the next, he was hearing Sheppard calling out over the radio.
Sheppard. John.
How long had Rodney worked for this moment and now he was reduced to mere engrams, pre-programmed thought patterns and knowledge. “Just do it, please,” Rodney said. Right now he could only interact with a voice. But once Sheppard activated his program, he would get to see and hear -
-- and then suddenly he found himself standing behind Sheppard and he looked just like Rodney remembered. “God, it’s good to see you again.”
This fic contains muchos spoilers for The Last Man and at least one mention of a character that's going to be in season 5 mentioned via Joe Mallozzi's blog.
Fulcrum
“What do you mean, he’s missing?” Rodney demanded.
Lorne shifted uncomfortably. His face was a portrait of misery. “Doc, I don’t know what happened. I dialed Atlantis, Colonel Sheppard said for us to wait around a few more hours for the Genii to show up, he walked through the ‘gate. We came back and when I tried to find the colonel to brief him, there’s no Colonel.”
Rodney was simply numb as Sam tried to toss around possible explanations. It took everything he had not to shred Lorne to pieces because now the unlucky Major had lost both Teyla and John, and Rodney was never very good at curbing his anger.
“He’s out there,” Rodney finally said, his chin coming up, “and we’ve got to find him.”
~*~
“He’s not out there,” Radek declared, frustrated. “I’m sorry Rodney, but you couldn’t expect them to leave his status as MIA indefinitely.”
Rodney’s hand convulsed around the official KIA notification. He stared at Radek and tried to realize this was the end of the road - as far as the SGC was concerned.
Anger surged; he refused to accept it. “A human being does not just disappear, Radek!” Rodney balled the notice and threw it savagely across the room. “There is absolutely no reason for Sheppard to not be here. He went somewhere,” Rodney pressed his hands against his face. Think, Rodney, Think. He pulled his hands away and tried to focus his blurry eyes on the vid screen full of readings, gate diagnostics from both worlds. “I just have to figure out where he went.”
~*~
Rodney studied Carson's still form. Logically, he knew Carson couldn’t hear him. Couldn’t see him. Carson wasn’t thinking or feeling and for one, brief second, Rodney envied him, terribly. “Sheppard’s gone, Carson.” Rodney jerked his hands helplessly. “He stepped into the wormhole and he never stepped out. And I don’t know if I can find him.”
~*~
Ronon nodded briefly towards a tall, well dressed man sitting across the casket from them. Grave-side services, Rodney thought, were creepy. Even knowing that there wasn’t anything or anyone in the casket. “That’s Dave, Sheppard’s brother.”
“Oh,” Rodney said.
Two rows of chairs, one on either side of the grave, and it seemed the division that existed in John’s life, existed in his supposed death, as well. His Atlantis friends sat on one side of his grave while his family, ex-wife, old friends, they grouped on the other.
Only one side knew there wasn’t any body, and only one of those even believed Sheppard was still alive. Somewhere, somehow.
The service was brief, but nice. They’d given Sheppard an honor guard. Then Ronon introduced Rodney to Dave, and he took John’s brother’s hand and bit his tongue. “I wish it were under better circumstances,” he said, instead of, “don’t you believe it for a moment.”
Dave nodded, his face empty. “I’d thought --”
“He talked about you often,” Rodney lied.
“Really?”
“He’d hoped, well…he never was very good with these things.” Rodney figured, given the chance, Sheppard would’ve wanted to tell Dave a lot of things. Just like he’d wanted to tell Jeannie.
And at that, Dave laughed, mostly bitter. “It always did take a funeral to get anything out of John.” He thrust his hands lower into his overcoat pockets and stared at the turned dirt. “I guess some things never will change.”
~*~
“So, if the wormhole didn’t go to another planet, then --” Rodney was muttering to himself, trying to work through the puzzle that was driving him crazy.
Footsteps behind him.
“McKay, we’ve found Teyla.”
Ronon yanked Rodney to his feet and started toward the door.
“Wait wait wait! I think I found something!”
“Yeah?” Ronon asked, steadying Rodney when he tripped trying to turn around, “well, it’ll still be here when we get back.” He stopped trying to drag Rodney forward and stared at him, “can you say the same for Teyla?”
Rodney swallowed, looked back at the blinking line of script waiting to be executed. Wherever John was, time probably wasn’t a factor.
~*~
Lorne’s hand on Rodney’s shoulder pulled his attention from the floor. He didn’t want to do this, but he didn’t want to not do this, either.
“Doc,” Lorne breathed, “we...I…can do this.”
Rodney shook his head and stood. He tucked the pistol into the holster on his thigh. Across the room, Ronon thrust his arms into his duster, checked his gun. No one talked much as they got ready. “No, this is…Sheppard wouldn’t want.” Rodney couldn’t even finish a sentence anymore. Two months ago, this worst-case scenario wouldn’t have even been a figment of Rodney's doom-inspired mind. Sheppard gone, Teyla dead - what next?
“Sheppard would want what’s left of his team to escort Teyla’s body back to her people.” There, he’d done it. He’d said it. Teyla’s body.
He breathed, squared his shoulders. You can’t escape the present, and Rodney was done trying to recover his equilibrium. He strode across the room and eyed Ronon steadily, “We ready?”
~*~
“She’s gone, Carson. I don’t know how to fix this. At least Sheppard’s situation is something I can work on, maybe solve, but Teyla is dead and Keller is too busy trying to save people from the virus to work on your cure and --” Rodney trailed off, slumped in the chair beside Carson’s stasis chamber. “What am I even doing here? All I’ve ever given since we found you was bad news.”
~*~
It was ironic that on the day Rodney discovered where Sheppard had gone, was the same day that Sam left for Earth to argue in favor of continuing to fight against Michael.
~*~
The mess hall was crowded. Rodney took his tray and scanned for a seat. A sea of faces, and if he hadn’t focused on Radek waving him over, he would’ve just taken his lunch back to his lab instead of enduring the hour break he’d realized he desperately needed.
“Rodney, I sent another batch of simulations this morning. Did they help?”
“Yes,” Rodney slid onto the seat, “I think I’ve narrowed down the possible destinations.”
Radek’s hand paused. “Past or future?”
“Future,” Rodney sighed, “and if I’m right, approximately forty-eight thousand years into the future.”
Radek swore.
~*~
He cornered Keller coming out of a briefing. “About Carson,” Rodney started, matching her stride.
“What about Carson?” she asked, brusque.
“I’d hoped, by now, that maybe --”
“I’d have found a cure?”
“Well, yes.”
Keller stopped, folded her arms. “Should I stop trying to save the hundreds of people that are dying daily out there because of the Hoffan virus? Or should I let the personnel here die? Or maybe I should just quit trying to sleep at all, and work straight through, day and night?”
“Sleep’s overrated?” Rodney tried helpfully.
~*~
“I need your help, Rodney.” Sam slipped into his darkened lab. “The Phoenix arrived this afternoon.”
Help? Everyone needed his help. He kept typing, ignoring Sam. He almost hoped if he did, she’d just go away. But she didn’t. He sensed Sam leaning against the wall behind him.
“You got what you needed,” Rodney said flatly. “You don’t need me to fight Michael. I’m better used trying to get Sheppard back.” He was still harboring resentment that she’d refused to help him work on Sheppard’s situation. Regardless of her arguments that Sheppard could wait, that if they didn’t defeat Michael, bringing Sheppard back wouldn’t save anyone.
Sam snorted. “The Phoenix is two months too early off the line, Rodney. She’s barely staying in orbit. If we’re going to have any hope, I need your help in getting her ready to fight.”
Michael. They’d created that monster, they’d failed to kill him when they had the chance, and now Michael was at the root of almost everything Rodney had ever cared for and lost. Carson, John, Teyla - and he just had a horrible feeling that the death toll was only beginning.
By the time Rodney turned, Sam was gone.
~*~
He began working on the Phoenix’s systems without any word between them; one day he just showed up and dug in. Rodney couldn’t help Keller. He wasn’t a medical doctor and he didn’t ever want to be.
And maybe Sam was right.
~*~
Rodney paced in front of Carson. “Ronon left yesterday.”
Ronon left to train his people.
It didn’t make it feel less…something…that Ronon had asked Rodney to come with him. They’d both known that wasn’t an option.
“About Sheppard, promise me you’ll keep trying.”
“I will. Ronon…stay safe, okay?”
“Safe’s not what I had in mind, McKay.”
“Well then…promise me you’ll kill as many of them as you can, hmm?”
“Oh, Carson,” Rodney murmured, “things are…really bad, right now. In a way, it’s probably better not to be here.”
~*~
When did Elizabeth’s office become Sam’s?
Rodney lifted the cardboard box and balanced it on his hip. He eyed the now-stripped room. He didn’t envy who next would fill those shoes. Both predecessors had given their lives to save others. They were very big shoes.
~*~
“I…I don’t know how to say this, Carson.” Rodney ran his hands nervously down the front of his civilian pants. “I guess there’s no easy way, so I’ll just do it. Ronon’s dead, so’s Sam, though you never did have much time to get to know her. The IOA are idiots and Woolsey is… well he’s not Sam or Elizabeth.” He wasn’t going to fight for people he saw as a lost cause. “Keller and I, we’re leaving, Carson. They won’t let us help anyone here, and maybe they’re right. Maybe our time is done. Maybe it’s time to just accept that we lost.
“Anyway, there’s a new doctor arriving on the supply ship and Keller’s going to turn over all her notes on finding you a cure. I don’t know if they will in my lifetime, so, well, I guess this is goodbye, again.”
Rodney stepped up to the smooth surface of the chamber and splayed his hand across Carson’s face. “I hope some day you find out what happened, to all of us. Who knows, maybe you and Sheppard will find a way to come back and save everyone.”
~*~
“Rodney?” Keller knocked softly on his door. Her voice filtered through the bulkhead. “You should eat something. I might not be your doctor anymore, but I’m still your friend. Come on, don’t make me stand out here talking to a metal door. People will start looking at me funny.”
He palmed the control, and smiled crookedly when she abruptly pulled her hand away from punching him in the nose (he’d apparently caught her mid-knock). “Oh, there you are.”
“Here I am,” he said dryly. He stepped back and waved her into his room. “It’s only been two days.”
“I know. It’s just. Well.” Keller’s lips twitched as she lifted a pile of laundry off the chair and sat. “I thought maybe it’d help if we spent some time together. The past few months,” she looked rueful, “they’ve been rough. And now here we are, the two of us.”
But so many standing around them. Rodney tried not to see Sheppard, Carson, Teyla, Ronon, Sam - and even Radek, waving as the beam captured Rodney, or Lorne, signing Rodney’s weapons into the armory and promising to stay in touch. He shook his head, regret worming its way in. “I just wish I knew we were doing the right thing.”
“Radek promised to keep working on a solution to bring Sheppard back, and Doctor Porter seems very competent. I’m sure she’ll make progress on Carson’s situation.” Keller stood and took Rodney’s hand, dipping her head until she caught his eye. “We’ve given everything, Rodney, but the IOA wasn’t going to let us give any more. Maybe it’s time we make a new start. Live our lives.”
Rodney nodded. Maybe she was right. There were other scientists that could save Sheppard, and Carson. He was tired. They’d lost so much, lived through so much lately that Rodney wasn’t even sure he’d been doing anything right. How many calculations had Radek corrected in the last few weeks before he’d decided to leave with Keller?
“Okay.” Sometimes you can shut a door and move on. He’d done it before, when he’d gone to Siberia. He’d thought he’d never be back at the SGC and look how that’d ended up? He hadn’t gone back to the SGC, he’d wound up on Atlantis and that’d been some of the most memorable years he imagined he’d ever have. He grabbed his sweater and opened the door. “Lunch sounds good.”
~*~
What the hell? I mean, seriously, what the hell!
Rodney wanted to punch something, someone, because this wasn’t just grossly unfair, this was bordering on ludicrous. Was he destined to be the last man? The last survivor of an expedition that had only ever meant to do something big and great?
“I’m sorry, Doctor McKay, but your wife passed away earlier this morning.”
In his darkened guest quarters in the SGC, Rodney’s shoulders shook.
~*~
The Dean studied Rodney, his hand resting on the open resume. “Frankly, Doctor, I’m a little confused as to why you’ve applied for the position.”
“Your lack of insight hardly means I’m not qualified.”
The Dean’s eyes narrowed, his lips thinned. “That’s just it. You’re so far over-qualified that I question your motivations for wanting this job.”
“Your questions are hardly relevant to my capabilities. I assure you, your students, no matter how poorly prepared for physics, or life in general, as they may be, will not possibly receive a better education from anyone else.”
“You’re rather blunt, aren’t you?”
Rodney’s jaw flexed. “I don’t have time for anything less. Now, am I hired, or not?”
~*~
“Professor?”
Rodney waved Johnson into his office. “Come in.” She was timid. There was a time when Rodney would’ve eaten her for breakfast. “You’re here about your abysmal test scores, yes?” While he asked, he continued to write equations on the white board behind his desk. No, no, that wasn’t right! Son of a bitch! He erased the last five lines of math and backed up until he perched on the edge of his desk.
Finally, she squeaked, “Yes, Sir. I’d hoped --”
Pen against his mouth, Rodney said, “What you’d hoped is to pass by virtue of a curve, a practice of which, I’m woefully unwilling to allow into my classroom. Either you know the material or not. I do not pass individuals merely because the entire population sucks equally at a topic.”
“I didn’t…” She exhaled and tightened her grip on her books, clutching them against her chest. “Professor, I need to pass this course. I’m here to ask…would you be willing to…tutor me, outside of class?”
“Huh. Someone here actually asking for help instead of whining against the status quo.” Rodney glanced at her over his shoulder. “Nine am, Miss Johnson, my office.” He turned back to his board and started re-doing the erased line of math, this time substituting the unknown with a new variable in base twelve. He’d quickly realized to get John back it was going to take something that didn’t exist yet.
He saw her nod in his peripheral vision. “Thank you, Doctor McKay. I promise I won’t let you down.”
After she left, Rodney swore at the whiteboard. What did she know of letting anyone down?
~*~
“Mer, please, give it a rest?” Jeannie came, uninvited, into his apartment. She dropped three collected newspapers into the trash and wrinkled her nose at the pile of dishes in the sink. “Or get a maid.”
“Unless you have something productive to add, quit distracting me.”
Damn this puzzle. Damn the IOA for keeping Radek too busy to help or consult. Damn the whole forsaken universe for dropping Rodney into such a terrible future.
Jeannie was a quiet presence behind him. Then she took up marking pen and nudged him over. “Some day I hope Sheppard realizes what depths of depravity saving him led you to.” She cleared her throat. “Jesus, Mer, you need a shower.”
~*~
The day he realized he had it, Rodney cried. Or at least he'd wanted to, but there just wasn’t anything left. Twenty-five years was a long time to work on one problem. But if it worked, if he truly could pull this off, twenty-five years was a very small thing for all the lives of those he’d ever cared about.
~*~
Lorne walked him to the Stargate. “Good luck, Doc.”
“Thank you. For this. I know you’ll probably have to face some --”
“No, Doc, that’s not your problem.” Lorne smiled sadly. “Besides, I owe you a couple.”
Rodney shook his head. He’d reconciled that long ago. “It wasn’t your fault. Teyla made her own decision, and so did Sheppard.”
“I know. But I was sent to protect Teyla, McKay. And I dialed the gate when the colonel was lost. It’s hard not to think about it. Even if I didn’t think I owed you for that, there isn’t anyone else I’d ever believe capable of changing this.”
“Thanks,” Rodney shook Lorne’s hand, “for everything.”
“Godspeed, Doc.”
~*~
“So, I guess you’re still here, waiting.” It was a surprise, to see Carson as young as he’d been, over twenty-five years ago. “Remember our last visit? Well, of course you don’t. You know, you really should’ve taken me up on that offer. Anyway, I know the new doctor is optimistic but, just in case, I’m going to work on some upgrades.”
Rodney unrolled his tools and began hooking up wires.
“Thing is, I have a plan, Carson, and if it works, Sheppard’s going to have to use one of these.” He stopped and straightened. “Huh, who would’ve thought we would’ve needed to use these so much? Well, maybe we should’ve. Anyway, hard to think so far down the road. Forty thousand years, you’ll either be out of here or dead, which frees it up for Sheppard.”
And he supposed it didn’t matter if Carson died at this point. If this worked, Sheppard would come back, they’d save Teyla, rewrite history, and hopefully Jennifer would find a cure for Carson and the Hoffan virus. Either way, he’d devoted too much of everything to turn back now.
~*~
Becoming holo-Rodney was a strange, disassociative feeling. One moment he was programming himself into the database, then the next, he was hearing Sheppard calling out over the radio.
Sheppard. John.
How long had Rodney worked for this moment and now he was reduced to mere engrams, pre-programmed thought patterns and knowledge. “Just do it, please,” Rodney said. Right now he could only interact with a voice. But once Sheppard activated his program, he would get to see and hear -
-- and then suddenly he found himself standing behind Sheppard and he looked just like Rodney remembered. “God, it’s good to see you again.”