Comments | knitwitfics: 24: "The Gilded Cage"

knitwitfics

24: "The Gilded Cage"

May 30, 2009 22:39

Title: The Gilded Cage
Fandom: 24
Characters: Kim Bauer, Barry Landes
Rating: PG
Summary: She didn't see the bars until it was almost too late.
Spoilers: Season 5
Challenges: written to a prompt chosen by birdseyeview from a list of prompts from 31_days : "Too proud to be a queen".

( Kim's hands were still shaking as she closed the bathroom door behind her. )

24, kim bauer

Comments 13

leigh57 May 31 2009, 16:02:24 UTC

*happy sigh* More Kim fic! My Kim love grows daily, and more fic only feeds it:)

This entire story has such a nice progression inside Kim's head -- the way she slowly works through the process of realizing this isn't the way things are supposed to be.

his words gentle on the surface, but Kim could see the steel underneath.

That's a great image. Also, it bugs the shit out of me that he calls her "Kimberly." I don't even know the guy at all and you make him pretty damn creepy.

LOVE the part where she thinks about Teri and Jack's respective reactions. Perfect. Also, to echo well, everyone else, the cage metaphor works so well here, as does your show not tell treatment of the idea that in order to get out of a cage, you have to realize you're in one in the first place. Big yay for fic prompts!

kcountess May 31 2009, 22:29:34 UTC

HEEEEE. YES. I <3 Kim, and I'm always glad to spread the word.

I'm trying to remember if he actually calls her Kimberly in the show (IIRC the only other person that calls her that is Teri) or if it's something I picked up from catch22girl. But then it's level 1 of angry: using someone's full name instead of a shortened version (level 2 is using first and last name or first and middle and level 3 is using their full name. Most obvious with parents and children.)

And of course part of the reason for making the progression is so the reader can see why she does what she does, because while I'd hope anyone reading it would be "...wait, why is she leaving him?" if she just left after his comments, but they'd probably wonder why she suddenly changed her mind.

...Also because there wouldn't be much story left. :D

And I'm glad that the metaphor didn't seem too heavy-handed. I always wonder if I'm striking the right balance between not enough and too much.

Thanks for the review!

dealan311 June 1 2009, 16:45:27 UTC

Reading this makes me like Stephen so much more. Not only was he looking out for Kim's interests, he pushed her gently enough when she was being stubborn about leaving Jack. Stephen >>>>>> Barry so much and I'm happy that Kim got away from the creepy Pony Boy. Gah, just reading this brings back feelings that make my skin crawl, because I can hear him in the words you used. *shudder*

And word to Teri and Jack's reactions. I think that was my favorite part of it.

cybertoothtiger June 15 2009, 05:23:10 UTC

Word to all the other comments. Barry was totally creepy and you captured that very well. Stephen is miles better.

I would love to see a Jack/Barry confrontation someday. Sadly, not much point this far afterwards, is there? Unless they were to meet accidentally somewhere. *cough*

I need to update my icons. All I have is angst/sorrow. Hrm.