Primeval fic: Taking A Chance
Title: Taking A Chance
Author: knitekat
Word Count: ~2600
Characters: James Lester/Tom Ryan
Rating: 12
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace.
A/N: For Primeval Bingo Card (round 2) prompt: Isolation/Loneliness and Fifi's pairing of Lester/Ryan. Thanks go to Fred for the beta, cheers m'dear.
I was more than happy with the way my life had turned out. I was in charge of one of the most important projects of my career and had the ear of the minister. Of course, it had come at a cost - my marriage for one thing - but it was a sacrifice I told myself I had willingly made.
The fact that I returned to my lonely flat each night, to sit alone with my music playing in the background while I attempted to read a book and ignore the aching emptiness inside me, was besides the point. What I did was important and I consoled myself with that fact, cold comfort that it was. The fact that my team laughed and smiled and went out to the pub every Friday night while leaving me behind at the ARC was irrelevant. I smiled wryly... why would they invite me, their cantankerous old boss, out? I'd made it perfectly clear on more than one occasion that I was above such things and now, all alone, I was paying the price. I knew they'd never ask me out with them now and I could only watch wistfully as they packed up for the night and left for the bright lights of the local and the warmth of companionship.
Bloody hell, I was getting maudlin, soon I'd be crying into my whisky and asking for my teddy bear.
I looked up at the knock on my door, an eyebrow quirking as the ruggedly handsome Captain Ryan limped into my office. Maybe the good captain could take my mind of my depressing thoughts... although I reminded myself to behave. I had no need for certain thoughts to intrude, ones that I knew Ryan would neither welcome nor share. “Captain?”
“It's seven, sir.”
I blinked, slightly bemused by the fact he had hobbled all the way up to my office merely to tell me the time. “Yes, captain. I can tell the time.”
Ryan smiled slightly. “Why aren't you home, sir? Your dinner will be in the cat.”
I was about to tell him to mind his own business when something made me answer him, possibly the knowledge that Ryan's own marriage had floundered. “My wife became fed up with my late nights and unexplained absences...”
“Ah,” he said before glancing down into the atrium.
“You can go, Ryan.” I dismissed him, knowing the man wanted to be with his friends and comrades, not commiserating with me over failed marriages.
“You could come with us, sir.”
I blinked again, surprised for the second time that night by Ryan, before I shook my head, knowing the man had just asked to be polite. “I have work to do, captain. Do get along.”
Ryan nodded and left, but I had the feeling the matter was not closed. For once in my life I actually hoped for anomalies to open as between them and his quest to regain his fitness after the Permian débâcle I was sure he'd forget about my uncharacteristic admission and life would go on as normal. The fact I hoped he wouldn't forget had me wondering when I become so bloody needy for I knew hope was for the young and not for cantankerous middle-aged sarcastic government hatchet-men.
***
I must admit I wasn't sure whether to be thankful or not when Ryan didn't forget about me. His visits weren't a regular occurrence to start with and sometimes several weeks went by without his presence in my office on a Friday night. At first he merely invited me out and left soon after I refused and I expected each time to be the last I saw him at my door, having finally realised the futility of asking me. I should have known better, for Ryan was a stubborn and persistent man and I supposed I shouldn't have been surprised he didn't give up on me - the injury he'd gained would have put many a good soldier into civvies.
What did surprise me was how much I looked forward to his visits, for they made my weekends so much brighter. It was then I began to wonder about the state of my mind, when even the mere presence of Ryan in my office for a matter of minutes had that much of an effect on my spirits. I dismissed the obvious conclusion, refusing to even contemplate Ryan might have another reason to visit me, even if he began to turn up without fail at 6.30 every Friday and spend over half-an-hour chatting to me. Despite my best effects, I had almost let myself believe Ryan cared for me as more than a colleague when that the invite to the pub was almost forgotten on several occasions.
Almost, that is, until the Friday Ryan didn't turn up at my door brought home to me just how much he'd wormed his way into my life and how much his absence hurt. I shook my head and mentally called myself a fool as I packed my briefcase and headed for the garage. I should have known - indeed, I had known - it had only been a matter of time before he gave up... I just hadn't expected to be so affected by his absence.
I had just reached my car and stowed my briefcase when I heard his footsteps - and what did it say about me that I could recognise them?
“Sir James!”
Ryan's voice was breathless and I turned, concerned that he'd rushed and put back his own recovery. “Ryan?” I almost winced at the concern that coloured my voice and could only hope Ryan hadn't noticed. I knew that hope was useless when he smiled, a proper one which reached his eyes.
He glanced suspiciously around the garage before clearing his throat. “I don't suppose I could convince you to go out for a drink, sir?”
My eyebrow quirked as I just stared at him and tried to figure out what he wanted. I admit that I allowed my gaze to wander, only realising it when Ryan stepped into my personal space, not that I protested when he grabbed my face and kissed me hard. His lips soft against my own and I opened my mouth to him when he teased my lips, feeling his tongue sweep inside before reality crashed down and I wrenched free to stare at his swollen lips. “Ryan?” I had planned to say more but he kissed me again and I was lost in the warmth and solid presence that was Ryan.
When he finally released me and stepped back, I caught the amused look in his eyes and my heart clenched. Was this some joke? I opened my mouth to bite out some snarky comment when he reached out and stroked a finger across my lips. “Its not everyday I make Sir James Lester speechless.”
Damn the gall of the man... but I couldn't help but smile back at him and knew I was lost. “One drink was it, Ryan?”
Ryan nodded. “Yes, sir.”
“Fine.” I paused and considered my options before nodding. “Would you care to accompany me to my flat?”
Ryan grinned again. “I'd like that, sir.”
“James, I think, captain.” If we were going to do what I believed we would, it seemed churlish to insist he called me sir... except my cock had other ideas about that and I knew Ryan noticed when his grinned widen, although he thankfully refrained from commenting.
“Tom.”
Ryan murmured instead and I could feel his eyes on me, on my arse, as I walked around to the driver's side of my car. I paused and turned to him. “I believe you know my address, Tom.”
Ryan frowned before he stepping into my personal space again. “I'm not changing my mind, James.” Damn, I had hoped I'd concealed my fears better than that. He stepped closer and kissed me once more. “Pity about the lift, though... I'd love to have a ride in it.” The leer he gave me had my cock twitching at his innuendo... or, at least, I hoped it was. I might even forgo my normal standards for once and indulge him.
***
I was surprised I neither ran a red light nor broke the speed limit on the way home, for at least half of my attention was on the lights following me and I confess I breathed a sigh of relief when Ryan drew into the parking space next to mine. I had half feared he'd change his mind during the trip, that he'd realise the stupidity of wanting anything to do with me.
He followed me up to my flat and I was both thankful he didn't try anything on the way there and disappointed he hadn't even kissed me. I needed time to sort though my emotions and to give him time to decide if this was really what he wanted. I wondered if Ryan realised that when he'd kept his distance in the lift and I turned to him, but my words died unspoken when I finally noticed the holdall in his hand.
“Where can I put this?” Ryan asked mildly and I knew he'd given me another out.
“Um.” I was torn between offering him my guest room or being forward and directing him to my own bedroom. When Ryan grinned again as rendering me speechless once more I quirked an eyebrow back at him. “The guest room's through there.” I pointed at a door, “ensuite shower...” And the thought of a wet Ryan had my brain short circuiting.
“Ooh.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair in a blatantly provocative way. “I could do with a shower.”
I sniffed delicately and nodded, after all two could play games. “Good idea, captain.” I opened my linen closet and pulled out a towel which I handed him.
“Thanks.”
I quickly decided Ryan was a bloody tease when he walked into my guest room with a definite waggle of his arse. It would be churlish to ignore the invite so I took the time to admire the way his firm arse moved.
I shook myself and headed off to my own room to change and shower. It was only when I was in the shower that I hesitated for a long moment, just letting the jets pummel me and work some of the tension from my shoulders. Should I just wash or should I pay more attention to my ablutions? If I was thorough and nothing happened tonight... I growled before grabbing my gel and soaping myself well. After all, no harm ever came from being too clean and I would be mortified if Ryan did want to have sex and I hadn’t taken all necessary care.
***
I pottered around my kitchen as I waited for Ryan to emerge and swallowed hard as I found myself considering just how long it was taking him... Damn, I should have taken the time to wank in the shower.
I shook myself from those pleasurable thoughts and considered instead the contents of my fridge and cupboards. It was lamentably bare, but with only myself to feed I hadn't bothered to stock up. In the end I chose to make a simple meal of cheese and ham omelette, grilled mushrooms and oven chips.
“Dinner as well?” Ryan's voice surprised me and I'm afraid to say I jumped and burnt my finger on the hot pan. I swore softly and held the offending digit under cold water while Ryan took over watching the hob. “Sorry,” Ryan murmured before kissing my finger gently.
I smiled and kissed him, my lips moving languidly over his until the oven's bleeping had me reluctantly draw back. “Plates are in the cupboard to the left of the sink and the cutlery in the drawer above them.”
“Yes, sir.”
I watched Ryan busy himself with my instructions before turning back to the cooking, I had no wish to burn my dinner and well... concentrating on that meant I could ignore the worries at the back of my mind.
***
The conversation had been light and surprisingly unstilted over our meal and subsequence tidying up. I poured two measures of whisky into glasses and turned to join Ryan on my settee when I paused. He rose and took the glasses from my hands, placing them on the coasters on the coffee table before drawing me down onto my own settee.
Ryan stared into my eyes and held my hand. “This isn't about pity, James.”
I managed to quirk an eyebrow even though that the fear which nibbled at my heart. “Oh?”
“No,” Ryan told me firmly. “I might not know where we'll end up or how long we'll have together, but I do know I want to spend whatever time I have with you.”
I could have accused Ryan of being maudlin but the ARC was a dangerous place to work and he had almost died once. “Are you sure, Ryan?”
“Tom,” he reminded me. “Yes, James.” He stroked a finger over my cheek. “I've been trying to work up the courage to ask you out for weeks.” He gave me a self-deprecating smile. “Me, a big tough soldier too afraid to ask you out in case you said no.”
I just stared at him, how could he doubt he'd be rejected?... But then I remembered he'd been burnt in a relationship before and I wasn't exactly the most approachable man in the world. “Why tonight?”
Ryan shifted uncomfortably before admitting. “Let's just say that my fellow soldiers weren't oblivious to my 'puppy-dog pining' as Lyle put it.”
“They put you up to this?” I winced at the suspicious tone in my voice.
“They made me realise I had to see if you were interested.” Ryan corrected me. “We're both lonely, James. Why don't we see if we can make each other happy?”
“And then?” I asked, having to know how far Ryan wanted this to go. “What would we be to each other?”
“Fuck buddies, you mean?” Ryan shook his head. “I'd like more, I'd like everything you're willing to give me.”
My eyebrow rose at his declaration of commitment. “You don't know me, Ry... Tom.” I told him quietly. “You might hate me if you did.”
“I'm willing to take the chance, James.” Ryan stated with firm conviction. “Are you?”
I took a deep breath and considered him and his offer. Was I willing to take a chance, even if nothing would come of it? The loneliness would be worse if I had known warmth once more and I wasn't sure I could cope with that. I felt Ryan take me hand and looked up into his eyes.
“I almost didn't ask because I was scared of your answer.” Ryan told me. “And I feared how alone I'd feel if we didn't work out.” He smiled softly. “It was the lads who made me realised I could be missing out of the best thing in my life if I let fear stop me from taking the chance of a lifetime with you in it.”
My eyebrow quirked when I realised Ryan had faced the same fears that now gnawed at my heart. I could be alone forever or I could take a chance with Ryan. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “If you're sure, Tom, I'll take that chance with you.”
“I’m sure, James.” Ryan declared and drew me into another kiss.
I had no idea if we'd succeed but I knew we'd give it a damn good try.
Author: knitekat
Word Count: ~2600
Characters: James Lester/Tom Ryan
Rating: 12
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace.
A/N: For Primeval Bingo Card (round 2) prompt: Isolation/Loneliness and Fifi's pairing of Lester/Ryan. Thanks go to Fred for the beta, cheers m'dear.
I was more than happy with the way my life had turned out. I was in charge of one of the most important projects of my career and had the ear of the minister. Of course, it had come at a cost - my marriage for one thing - but it was a sacrifice I told myself I had willingly made.
The fact that I returned to my lonely flat each night, to sit alone with my music playing in the background while I attempted to read a book and ignore the aching emptiness inside me, was besides the point. What I did was important and I consoled myself with that fact, cold comfort that it was. The fact that my team laughed and smiled and went out to the pub every Friday night while leaving me behind at the ARC was irrelevant. I smiled wryly... why would they invite me, their cantankerous old boss, out? I'd made it perfectly clear on more than one occasion that I was above such things and now, all alone, I was paying the price. I knew they'd never ask me out with them now and I could only watch wistfully as they packed up for the night and left for the bright lights of the local and the warmth of companionship.
Bloody hell, I was getting maudlin, soon I'd be crying into my whisky and asking for my teddy bear.
I looked up at the knock on my door, an eyebrow quirking as the ruggedly handsome Captain Ryan limped into my office. Maybe the good captain could take my mind of my depressing thoughts... although I reminded myself to behave. I had no need for certain thoughts to intrude, ones that I knew Ryan would neither welcome nor share. “Captain?”
“It's seven, sir.”
I blinked, slightly bemused by the fact he had hobbled all the way up to my office merely to tell me the time. “Yes, captain. I can tell the time.”
Ryan smiled slightly. “Why aren't you home, sir? Your dinner will be in the cat.”
I was about to tell him to mind his own business when something made me answer him, possibly the knowledge that Ryan's own marriage had floundered. “My wife became fed up with my late nights and unexplained absences...”
“Ah,” he said before glancing down into the atrium.
“You can go, Ryan.” I dismissed him, knowing the man wanted to be with his friends and comrades, not commiserating with me over failed marriages.
“You could come with us, sir.”
I blinked again, surprised for the second time that night by Ryan, before I shook my head, knowing the man had just asked to be polite. “I have work to do, captain. Do get along.”
Ryan nodded and left, but I had the feeling the matter was not closed. For once in my life I actually hoped for anomalies to open as between them and his quest to regain his fitness after the Permian débâcle I was sure he'd forget about my uncharacteristic admission and life would go on as normal. The fact I hoped he wouldn't forget had me wondering when I become so bloody needy for I knew hope was for the young and not for cantankerous middle-aged sarcastic government hatchet-men.
***
I must admit I wasn't sure whether to be thankful or not when Ryan didn't forget about me. His visits weren't a regular occurrence to start with and sometimes several weeks went by without his presence in my office on a Friday night. At first he merely invited me out and left soon after I refused and I expected each time to be the last I saw him at my door, having finally realised the futility of asking me. I should have known better, for Ryan was a stubborn and persistent man and I supposed I shouldn't have been surprised he didn't give up on me - the injury he'd gained would have put many a good soldier into civvies.
What did surprise me was how much I looked forward to his visits, for they made my weekends so much brighter. It was then I began to wonder about the state of my mind, when even the mere presence of Ryan in my office for a matter of minutes had that much of an effect on my spirits. I dismissed the obvious conclusion, refusing to even contemplate Ryan might have another reason to visit me, even if he began to turn up without fail at 6.30 every Friday and spend over half-an-hour chatting to me. Despite my best effects, I had almost let myself believe Ryan cared for me as more than a colleague when that the invite to the pub was almost forgotten on several occasions.
Almost, that is, until the Friday Ryan didn't turn up at my door brought home to me just how much he'd wormed his way into my life and how much his absence hurt. I shook my head and mentally called myself a fool as I packed my briefcase and headed for the garage. I should have known - indeed, I had known - it had only been a matter of time before he gave up... I just hadn't expected to be so affected by his absence.
I had just reached my car and stowed my briefcase when I heard his footsteps - and what did it say about me that I could recognise them?
“Sir James!”
Ryan's voice was breathless and I turned, concerned that he'd rushed and put back his own recovery. “Ryan?” I almost winced at the concern that coloured my voice and could only hope Ryan hadn't noticed. I knew that hope was useless when he smiled, a proper one which reached his eyes.
He glanced suspiciously around the garage before clearing his throat. “I don't suppose I could convince you to go out for a drink, sir?”
My eyebrow quirked as I just stared at him and tried to figure out what he wanted. I admit that I allowed my gaze to wander, only realising it when Ryan stepped into my personal space, not that I protested when he grabbed my face and kissed me hard. His lips soft against my own and I opened my mouth to him when he teased my lips, feeling his tongue sweep inside before reality crashed down and I wrenched free to stare at his swollen lips. “Ryan?” I had planned to say more but he kissed me again and I was lost in the warmth and solid presence that was Ryan.
When he finally released me and stepped back, I caught the amused look in his eyes and my heart clenched. Was this some joke? I opened my mouth to bite out some snarky comment when he reached out and stroked a finger across my lips. “Its not everyday I make Sir James Lester speechless.”
Damn the gall of the man... but I couldn't help but smile back at him and knew I was lost. “One drink was it, Ryan?”
Ryan nodded. “Yes, sir.”
“Fine.” I paused and considered my options before nodding. “Would you care to accompany me to my flat?”
Ryan grinned again. “I'd like that, sir.”
“James, I think, captain.” If we were going to do what I believed we would, it seemed churlish to insist he called me sir... except my cock had other ideas about that and I knew Ryan noticed when his grinned widen, although he thankfully refrained from commenting.
“Tom.”
Ryan murmured instead and I could feel his eyes on me, on my arse, as I walked around to the driver's side of my car. I paused and turned to him. “I believe you know my address, Tom.”
Ryan frowned before he stepping into my personal space again. “I'm not changing my mind, James.” Damn, I had hoped I'd concealed my fears better than that. He stepped closer and kissed me once more. “Pity about the lift, though... I'd love to have a ride in it.” The leer he gave me had my cock twitching at his innuendo... or, at least, I hoped it was. I might even forgo my normal standards for once and indulge him.
***
I was surprised I neither ran a red light nor broke the speed limit on the way home, for at least half of my attention was on the lights following me and I confess I breathed a sigh of relief when Ryan drew into the parking space next to mine. I had half feared he'd change his mind during the trip, that he'd realise the stupidity of wanting anything to do with me.
He followed me up to my flat and I was both thankful he didn't try anything on the way there and disappointed he hadn't even kissed me. I needed time to sort though my emotions and to give him time to decide if this was really what he wanted. I wondered if Ryan realised that when he'd kept his distance in the lift and I turned to him, but my words died unspoken when I finally noticed the holdall in his hand.
“Where can I put this?” Ryan asked mildly and I knew he'd given me another out.
“Um.” I was torn between offering him my guest room or being forward and directing him to my own bedroom. When Ryan grinned again as rendering me speechless once more I quirked an eyebrow back at him. “The guest room's through there.” I pointed at a door, “ensuite shower...” And the thought of a wet Ryan had my brain short circuiting.
“Ooh.” Ryan ran a hand through his hair in a blatantly provocative way. “I could do with a shower.”
I sniffed delicately and nodded, after all two could play games. “Good idea, captain.” I opened my linen closet and pulled out a towel which I handed him.
“Thanks.”
I quickly decided Ryan was a bloody tease when he walked into my guest room with a definite waggle of his arse. It would be churlish to ignore the invite so I took the time to admire the way his firm arse moved.
I shook myself and headed off to my own room to change and shower. It was only when I was in the shower that I hesitated for a long moment, just letting the jets pummel me and work some of the tension from my shoulders. Should I just wash or should I pay more attention to my ablutions? If I was thorough and nothing happened tonight... I growled before grabbing my gel and soaping myself well. After all, no harm ever came from being too clean and I would be mortified if Ryan did want to have sex and I hadn’t taken all necessary care.
***
I pottered around my kitchen as I waited for Ryan to emerge and swallowed hard as I found myself considering just how long it was taking him... Damn, I should have taken the time to wank in the shower.
I shook myself from those pleasurable thoughts and considered instead the contents of my fridge and cupboards. It was lamentably bare, but with only myself to feed I hadn't bothered to stock up. In the end I chose to make a simple meal of cheese and ham omelette, grilled mushrooms and oven chips.
“Dinner as well?” Ryan's voice surprised me and I'm afraid to say I jumped and burnt my finger on the hot pan. I swore softly and held the offending digit under cold water while Ryan took over watching the hob. “Sorry,” Ryan murmured before kissing my finger gently.
I smiled and kissed him, my lips moving languidly over his until the oven's bleeping had me reluctantly draw back. “Plates are in the cupboard to the left of the sink and the cutlery in the drawer above them.”
“Yes, sir.”
I watched Ryan busy himself with my instructions before turning back to the cooking, I had no wish to burn my dinner and well... concentrating on that meant I could ignore the worries at the back of my mind.
***
The conversation had been light and surprisingly unstilted over our meal and subsequence tidying up. I poured two measures of whisky into glasses and turned to join Ryan on my settee when I paused. He rose and took the glasses from my hands, placing them on the coasters on the coffee table before drawing me down onto my own settee.
Ryan stared into my eyes and held my hand. “This isn't about pity, James.”
I managed to quirk an eyebrow even though that the fear which nibbled at my heart. “Oh?”
“No,” Ryan told me firmly. “I might not know where we'll end up or how long we'll have together, but I do know I want to spend whatever time I have with you.”
I could have accused Ryan of being maudlin but the ARC was a dangerous place to work and he had almost died once. “Are you sure, Ryan?”
“Tom,” he reminded me. “Yes, James.” He stroked a finger over my cheek. “I've been trying to work up the courage to ask you out for weeks.” He gave me a self-deprecating smile. “Me, a big tough soldier too afraid to ask you out in case you said no.”
I just stared at him, how could he doubt he'd be rejected?... But then I remembered he'd been burnt in a relationship before and I wasn't exactly the most approachable man in the world. “Why tonight?”
Ryan shifted uncomfortably before admitting. “Let's just say that my fellow soldiers weren't oblivious to my 'puppy-dog pining' as Lyle put it.”
“They put you up to this?” I winced at the suspicious tone in my voice.
“They made me realise I had to see if you were interested.” Ryan corrected me. “We're both lonely, James. Why don't we see if we can make each other happy?”
“And then?” I asked, having to know how far Ryan wanted this to go. “What would we be to each other?”
“Fuck buddies, you mean?” Ryan shook his head. “I'd like more, I'd like everything you're willing to give me.”
My eyebrow rose at his declaration of commitment. “You don't know me, Ry... Tom.” I told him quietly. “You might hate me if you did.”
“I'm willing to take the chance, James.” Ryan stated with firm conviction. “Are you?”
I took a deep breath and considered him and his offer. Was I willing to take a chance, even if nothing would come of it? The loneliness would be worse if I had known warmth once more and I wasn't sure I could cope with that. I felt Ryan take me hand and looked up into his eyes.
“I almost didn't ask because I was scared of your answer.” Ryan told me. “And I feared how alone I'd feel if we didn't work out.” He smiled softly. “It was the lads who made me realised I could be missing out of the best thing in my life if I let fear stop me from taking the chance of a lifetime with you in it.”
My eyebrow quirked when I realised Ryan had faced the same fears that now gnawed at my heart. I could be alone forever or I could take a chance with Ryan. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “If you're sure, Tom, I'll take that chance with you.”
“I’m sure, James.” Ryan declared and drew me into another kiss.
I had no idea if we'd succeed but I knew we'd give it a damn good try.