Primeval fic: Issues
Title: Issues
Author: knitekat
Word Count: 3312
Characters: James Lester, Connor Temple, Abby Maitland.
Rating: 15
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace.
A/N 1: Continues from Consequences and it's sequel Repercussions. Angsty and it fits my Primeval Bingo Card (round 2) Prompt: It Wasn't Meant To Be.
A/N 2: Thanks go to Fifi for the beta, cheers. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
James smiled softly as he woke to find Connor asleep in his arms, it hadn't just been a lovely dream. He pressed a gentle kiss against Connor's hair and felt the young man press back against him. The contact had James' cock twitch in need and he reluctantly eased away from Connor. They weren't lovers and James wasn't going to push it. He couldn't afford to make a mistake and risk losing the best thing that had happened to him in a long, long time.
His smile grew when Connor made a sniffling noise in his sleep and turned over to face him. He took the time to examine the young man's face and closed his eyes as his ex-wife's words sounded in his head. They hurt as much in memory as when she had first unleashed them on him. James opened his eyes and just stared at Connor's face as those words reverberated in his mind. How could someone like Connor want to be with him? He was a fool for taking advantage of the boy when he was still ill and a coward for needing someone in his life.
He felt sick and rose carefully, the last thing Connor needed was to wake to find himself in James' arms. Almost stumbling outside, blinking in the dawn, James made his way to the lookout point. He stared out across the landscape, unseeing as his thoughts chased each other around his head. James gave a bitter choked-off laugh, he really was a fool to think Connor wanted him - it was merely the fever and that they were the only two humans alive in this world.
James barely noted the distant roar of some predator although he paid attention to the burst of gunfire that replied to it. He strained every sense before catching a faint flickering light. The anomaly was open! He had to tell Connor, he'd be so relieved to be going home.
Connor was awake when James reached the entrance, a smile lighting up his face as he called out. “We can go home?”
James' heart quailed at that thought. He suddenly didn't want to go home, what was there for him? Not Connor, not out of this place, he'd be back with Abby, and James would be a forgotten mistake, if Connor even remembered what had happened in his fever. He had only a cold, lonely life to look forward to, all the harder now he had stupidly believed for even a second that Connor had feelings for him.
“James?”
Connor's hopeful look had faded slightly and James couldn't stand the thought of hurting him. He pasted a smile on his face and vowed not to make a fuss once they were home, he'd back off gracefully. “Let's go home.”
James was actually looking forward to the quarantine their enforced 'holiday' in the past would result in. Being apart from Connor would give him the time and space to sort out his feelings and box them safely away. To try and distance himself from the boy and hope his heart could stand the news Connor had found another. For no matter how much that would hurt him, James would not stand in the way of Connor's happiness. He loved him that much. Maybe one day, he could look at those feelings again, when time and distance had dulled the pain and he could bask in the warmth those memories would invoke.
Although James knew he was lying to himself. Those memories would always hurt, knowing that another basked in the happiness that was Connor.
***
Connor hugged Abby tightly when he was released from quarantine. “Abs. I've missed you.”
Abby smiled at him. “Sid and Nancy have missed you too.”
“Not you?” Connor smiled while looking over her shoulder.
Abby frowned at him. “Con? Were you expecting someone else?”
“Um.” Connor shifted slightly nervously on his feet. Even though Abby was his best friend, he wasn't willing to reveal his and James' relationship. It was far too new and he was afraid to mess it up, as he always did. “I was just wondering where J... Lester was.”
“You get on all right with him in the past?”
Connor willed himself not to blush at her words, instead turning his back to grab his bag of possessions. “He's OK.” That was a fairly neutral response, wasn't it? But Abby hadn't answered his question and Connor wasn't sure he could ask it again without her figuring out the truth.
“Lester's gone.”
“Gone?” OK, maybe that was a little too obvious. “So,” Connor beamed at Abby. “How are the kids?” He only half listened as Abby told him about their pets, his mind kept turning back to James. What had he done wrong? He had thought James was interested in him... but no one ever was. Why would they be? He was just a geek who always put his foot in it and James could do so much better than one Connor Temple.
***
James stayed in his office as much as possible and he certainly kept out of Connor's way. He had to let Connor go, no matter how much it hurt. It was difficult to watch Connor laugh and joke and fool around with the rest of the team. James' heart cracked slightly whenever he saw Connor smiling at another man, wondering if this would be the one Connor would fall for, and with it, rip out James' heart.
He knew he was snapping at the slightest mistake, he'd even had several bust ups with Cutter that ended in the mad scientist storming out yelling and muttering what James took to be Scottish obscenities. He kept his interactions with Connor strictly professional and as short as possible, always with someone else present if he could manage it. James had to, if he didn't he might grab the boy and kiss him and he really didn't want a scene when Connor screamed bloody murder when James assaulted him.
***
Connor's gaze drifted to James'... no, to Lester's office whenever he stopped working. He just couldn't understand what he had done wrong. What was wrong with him? Lester had liked him in the past, hadn't he? He hadn't just been stringing Connor along because they had been alone? No, Connor couldn't believe Lester would do that. He just couldn't believe Lester would be that cruel.
“Con?”
Abby's voice startled him and Connor almost fell off his chair.
“Con? What's wrong.”
Connor hadn't meant to, but he couldn't help his gaze turning back to Lester's office for a brief moment before he almost jerked his head back towards Abby.
“Oh.” Connor watched as Abby's eyebrow rose and she nodded. “Bloody hell, Con. I never realised you meant you had a crush on Lester.”
Connor nodded miserably. “Why is he ignoring me?” He almost winced at the whine in his voice. “I thought he liked me.”
“Liked?” Abby asked before her eyes widened. “Liked as in liked?”
Connor nodded and sniffed. “I thought so, when we were alone through the anomaly...”
Abby pulled him into a hug and murmured softly, her fierce gaze fixed on Lester's office.
***
James looked up as his office door crashed open and he found himself facing a rather pissed-off looking Abby. He narrowed his eyes and wondered what he'd done wrong now. The menagerie was satisfactory and... oh fuck! Connor must have told her about his unwanted advances. No wonder Abby was looking pissed, she knew he'd taken advantage of Connor.
“What do you think you're doing?”
James retreated into snark almost automatically. “I really think I should be asking that, Miss Maitland.” He shook his head. “Really, charging in unannounced.”
“Don't.” Abby advanced on him until she was leaning over his desk. Her eyes flashed with anger. “Just don't pretend it's nothing.”
James licked his lip and cursed himself for that nervous tell. “I have no idea what you're on about.”
Abby shook her head in disgust. “You really are a bastard.”
James almost nodded in agreement. “You really will have to be more concise.” The look of loathing on Abby's face sent a spike of shame through James. He had abused his position and Connor. His gaze dropped to his desk and he could not meet Abby's gaze. What had happened in the past had just been a horrible mistake. His ex-wife was right, he was pathetic and no one could - would - ever want him.
“How could you?” Abby insisted.
James closed his eyes briefly. How could he have abused Connor's trust? Except he knew the answer to that and now he would pay the price for his weakness. “I really believe this matter is between Connor and myself.”
“Really?” Abby's tone was scathing. “So far, you've avoided any contact with Connor.”
James couldn't really disagree with that truthful statement. “I...” But for once in his life, James wasn't sure how to continue.
Abby gave a deep sigh. “You really are a piece of work. I'll never understand what Connor saw in you.”
James started to nod before frowning at Abby. “What did you say?”
“I said I don't see what Connor ever saw in you,” Abby almost growled at him.
“Saw?” James murmured before considering his next comment, but he had to know. “What do you mean, saw in me?”
“Connor likes you,” Abby repeated slowly and James got the distinct impression she thought he was either being wilfully slow or he was an idiot. “He thought you liked him back.”
“I...” James froze, his mind attempting to make sense of Abby's words. She couldn't mean that. His voice was full of disbelief as he asked, “He likes me?”
Abby's mouth snapped shut and she just looked at him. “Men!”
James' lip twitched before he sobered and shook his head. “He can't like me.”
Abby rolled her eyes. “Why not?” When he didn't answer, Abby repeated her question before sighing. “Lester? Why wouldn't Connor like you?”
“I...” James swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry as he stared at his desk, his fingers tidying documents as he tried to think of an answer that didn't show just how pathetic and needy he was. He sighed deeply when he could think of nothing.
“Lester?”
Abby's voice had gone from accusatory to coaxing, as if he was one of her menagerie. It was that tone that broke through James' armour. “How could he?” He looked up at Abby for a moment before dropping his gaze once more. “How could anyone?”
“Oh,” Abby murmured softly. “Lester, don't hurt Connor just because someone hurt you.”
James glared at her. “I won't.” His anger died as he realised he was and always would hurt Connor. It was better to break it off now, before he entirely destroyed the young man. His voice sounding hollow to his own ears, James gave Abby a bitter smile. “You can go now, Miss Maitland. Tell Connor...” He swallowed hard as his voice almost gave out. “Tell him I'm sorry.”
“Don't, Lester, please don't.”
“He's better off without me.” James turned back to his work, hoping Abby would get the hint and leave him alone.
“Lester... James.” Abby was nothing if not persistent and James cursed that usually admirable trait. While it was useful to control Connor's - James almost closed his eyes as he thought of that young man, he needed to be professional - wilder schemes, it certainly wasn't when it was used on him. James almost jumped when Abby squeezed his shoulder. “James. Please, you're attracted to Connor, he's attracted to you.” When James shook his head in denial, Abby sighed. “Don't, James. I don't know who hurt you, but don't let the past wreck your chance of happiness with Connor.”
“You don't understand.”
“Then make me.”
Bloody hell, Abby really wasn't going to let this drop. James wondered briefly if he'd get away with ordering her to leave him alone but knew it wouldn't work. Abby was far too protective of Connor that even threatening her with dismissal wouldn't work. Not that he was willing to lose her expertise or cause Connor pain by firing her... fuck! It all came back to Connor. If only they had never been marooned in the past, none of this would have come to light. He could have watched and lusted over Connor from afar.
“James, do you really want to lose Connor?”
“No!” The word was out of James' mouth before he had the chance to censor it. Fuck!
Abby smiled. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
James gave her a wry, if bitter, smile. “He's better off without me.”
“No, he's not. Connor's had a crush on you for several months. He even asked me for advice about how two men date.” She smiled at the memory. “Not that I had the slightest idea what to tell him.”
“He told you he... had a crush on me?” James couldn't help asking before his eyes widened in worry when he realised what that meant. “You talked about me?”
“Not by name.” Abby shook her head. “I must admit I was shocked when I realised he meant you.”
James nodded. “As I said, I'm not a great catch. Connor would be better off just forgetting about me and getting on with his life.”
“Connor fancies you, he doesn't want to forget about you.” Abby squeezed his arm again. “Do you really want to lose him? Not just in your life but from the ARC?”
James' head jerked upwards. “What?”
Abby gave him a sad smile. “He wants to be with you and you've rejected him. Every time he looks at you, he remembers that. Do you really want him to feel like that every day?”
“No!” How could Abby think that of him, even though he knew he deserved the accusation.
“Then do something, James.” Abby squeezed his shoulder again. “Just don't wait too long or you'll lose him.”
James watched Abby leave his office and leave him to his thoughts. Could it be true that Connor actually wanted to be with him? He still didn't believe it could be possible, not after the horrible words his ex had screamed at him. Could he risk his heart again? James sighed, the real question was could he just let Connor go without seeing if they had a chance of happiness?
James sighed heavily and rose to his feet. If there was even the slightest chance, he had to grab it. He needed to know if Connor really felt the way Abby claimed.
***
Connor watched Abby walk down the ramp from Lester's office and head towards the menagerie. He had the horrible feeling Abby had talked to Lester, had told him about his childish crush. The very last thing he had wanted, for how could he face Lester when the man he wanted and who had rejected him knew how much Connor wanted to be with him?
He rose from the ADD and trailed after Abby, hoping to find somewhere quiet to talk to her, somewhere with just the two of them. He needed to find out what she had told Lester.
“Abby!” Connor called out as he hurried after her.
“Con?” Abby turned with a smile which faded as she noticed his worried expression.
“What did you see Lester about?” Connor's fingers were crossed behind his back, but one look at her expression told him all he needed to know. “You told him I liked him.”
“I did.”
“How could you?” Connor began to pace. “What do I do now? He doesn't want me.”
“Yes, he does.”
Lester voice came from behind them and had Connor spinning around, his mouth open as he stared wordlessly at the man he hoped would be his. He watched as Lester gave Abby a slight nod smile as she slipped from the room. Great, now he was all alone with Lester. “What?” Connor just couldn't believe Lester really meant that... and he couldn't help the fear that he'd be asked to pack up and leave the ARC.
“I said I wanted you.” Lester's stance seemed to wilt when Connor just gaped at him. “I'm sorry, Connor... Mr Temple. I apologise for forcing my unwanted attention upon you.”
It was only when Lester turned dejectedly to leave that Connor threw off the paralysis that gripped him. “No!” Lester stopped with a hand on the door, his back still towards Connor. “You want me?”
Lester turned back to face him, his face a blank mask as he nodded.
“You like me? You want to be with me?” Connor had to know the truth.
Lester swallowed before licking his lips and taking a deep breath. “Yes.”
Connor grinned, he was so bloody happy. Lester... no, James did like him. He wanted to be with him. “Brilliant.”
James shook his head. “What would you want with me?”
Connor suddenly realised that James had the same doubts he himself had. The relief made his brain disconnect from his tongue and he was horrified when the words, “What would I want with you...?” fell from his lips as he imagined everything they could do together. He realised the terrible damage those words did when he saw the bleak look on James' face. He knew he had to move quickly and reached out to grab James' hand. “No, James. I didn't mean it like that. I was...” He blushed and ground to a halt.
“What did you mean?”
James' voice cracked slightly and that drove all of Connor's worries aside, even if James rejected him now, he knew he couldn't hurt him. “I... er... I,” Connor could feel the blush heating his skin and looked down at the floor, studying James' shoes. “I was just thinking about all the things I... you... we could do... together.”
“Ah.”
“If you want to...?” Connor risked a glance up, wondering what he'd see in James' face. He hoped for that wry smile but knew he should expect that disdainful look James did so well. He couldn't help smiling at James' expression, a mixture of shook and wonder and need. “James?”
“Are you sure?” James asked as he gestured at himself. “I'm not a good catch.”
“Neither am I,” Connor murmured as he stepped closer for a kiss, although he still hesitated. He sighed when James kissed him instead, almost melting against the other man. He pulled back reluctantly before shooting James a cheeky grin. “Home, James?”
James rolled his eyes before shaking his head. “Not until five, Connor.”
Connor tried his best begging look. “Are you sure?” He leaned in and pressed his lips gently against James'.
“Mmm,” James mumbled against Connor's mouth before pulling back, a slightly glazed look in his eyes. “Much as I'd love to, Connor, we are at work.” He raised a hand to caress Connor's face. “I'm sure I can make it up to you later...”
Connor let out a meep and swallowed at the thought of what James could do... bloody hell, he really didn't need to think about that, not now. He shot James an annoyed glance when the man stepped back with a chuckle.
“Don't take too long in the gents, Connor.”
“You are so making this up to me.”
James smirked at him. “I plan to.” He walked away before pausing in the doorway. “Don't be late, Connor. I'd hate to have to start without you.” He left without a backward look, leaving Connor wishing it was already five o'clock.
Author: knitekat
Word Count: 3312
Characters: James Lester, Connor Temple, Abby Maitland.
Rating: 15
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace.
A/N 1: Continues from Consequences and it's sequel Repercussions. Angsty and it fits my Primeval Bingo Card (round 2) Prompt: It Wasn't Meant To Be.
A/N 2: Thanks go to Fifi for the beta, cheers. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
James smiled softly as he woke to find Connor asleep in his arms, it hadn't just been a lovely dream. He pressed a gentle kiss against Connor's hair and felt the young man press back against him. The contact had James' cock twitch in need and he reluctantly eased away from Connor. They weren't lovers and James wasn't going to push it. He couldn't afford to make a mistake and risk losing the best thing that had happened to him in a long, long time.
His smile grew when Connor made a sniffling noise in his sleep and turned over to face him. He took the time to examine the young man's face and closed his eyes as his ex-wife's words sounded in his head. They hurt as much in memory as when she had first unleashed them on him. James opened his eyes and just stared at Connor's face as those words reverberated in his mind. How could someone like Connor want to be with him? He was a fool for taking advantage of the boy when he was still ill and a coward for needing someone in his life.
He felt sick and rose carefully, the last thing Connor needed was to wake to find himself in James' arms. Almost stumbling outside, blinking in the dawn, James made his way to the lookout point. He stared out across the landscape, unseeing as his thoughts chased each other around his head. James gave a bitter choked-off laugh, he really was a fool to think Connor wanted him - it was merely the fever and that they were the only two humans alive in this world.
James barely noted the distant roar of some predator although he paid attention to the burst of gunfire that replied to it. He strained every sense before catching a faint flickering light. The anomaly was open! He had to tell Connor, he'd be so relieved to be going home.
Connor was awake when James reached the entrance, a smile lighting up his face as he called out. “We can go home?”
James' heart quailed at that thought. He suddenly didn't want to go home, what was there for him? Not Connor, not out of this place, he'd be back with Abby, and James would be a forgotten mistake, if Connor even remembered what had happened in his fever. He had only a cold, lonely life to look forward to, all the harder now he had stupidly believed for even a second that Connor had feelings for him.
“James?”
Connor's hopeful look had faded slightly and James couldn't stand the thought of hurting him. He pasted a smile on his face and vowed not to make a fuss once they were home, he'd back off gracefully. “Let's go home.”
James was actually looking forward to the quarantine their enforced 'holiday' in the past would result in. Being apart from Connor would give him the time and space to sort out his feelings and box them safely away. To try and distance himself from the boy and hope his heart could stand the news Connor had found another. For no matter how much that would hurt him, James would not stand in the way of Connor's happiness. He loved him that much. Maybe one day, he could look at those feelings again, when time and distance had dulled the pain and he could bask in the warmth those memories would invoke.
Although James knew he was lying to himself. Those memories would always hurt, knowing that another basked in the happiness that was Connor.
***
Connor hugged Abby tightly when he was released from quarantine. “Abs. I've missed you.”
Abby smiled at him. “Sid and Nancy have missed you too.”
“Not you?” Connor smiled while looking over her shoulder.
Abby frowned at him. “Con? Were you expecting someone else?”
“Um.” Connor shifted slightly nervously on his feet. Even though Abby was his best friend, he wasn't willing to reveal his and James' relationship. It was far too new and he was afraid to mess it up, as he always did. “I was just wondering where J... Lester was.”
“You get on all right with him in the past?”
Connor willed himself not to blush at her words, instead turning his back to grab his bag of possessions. “He's OK.” That was a fairly neutral response, wasn't it? But Abby hadn't answered his question and Connor wasn't sure he could ask it again without her figuring out the truth.
“Lester's gone.”
“Gone?” OK, maybe that was a little too obvious. “So,” Connor beamed at Abby. “How are the kids?” He only half listened as Abby told him about their pets, his mind kept turning back to James. What had he done wrong? He had thought James was interested in him... but no one ever was. Why would they be? He was just a geek who always put his foot in it and James could do so much better than one Connor Temple.
***
James stayed in his office as much as possible and he certainly kept out of Connor's way. He had to let Connor go, no matter how much it hurt. It was difficult to watch Connor laugh and joke and fool around with the rest of the team. James' heart cracked slightly whenever he saw Connor smiling at another man, wondering if this would be the one Connor would fall for, and with it, rip out James' heart.
He knew he was snapping at the slightest mistake, he'd even had several bust ups with Cutter that ended in the mad scientist storming out yelling and muttering what James took to be Scottish obscenities. He kept his interactions with Connor strictly professional and as short as possible, always with someone else present if he could manage it. James had to, if he didn't he might grab the boy and kiss him and he really didn't want a scene when Connor screamed bloody murder when James assaulted him.
***
Connor's gaze drifted to James'... no, to Lester's office whenever he stopped working. He just couldn't understand what he had done wrong. What was wrong with him? Lester had liked him in the past, hadn't he? He hadn't just been stringing Connor along because they had been alone? No, Connor couldn't believe Lester would do that. He just couldn't believe Lester would be that cruel.
“Con?”
Abby's voice startled him and Connor almost fell off his chair.
“Con? What's wrong.”
Connor hadn't meant to, but he couldn't help his gaze turning back to Lester's office for a brief moment before he almost jerked his head back towards Abby.
“Oh.” Connor watched as Abby's eyebrow rose and she nodded. “Bloody hell, Con. I never realised you meant you had a crush on Lester.”
Connor nodded miserably. “Why is he ignoring me?” He almost winced at the whine in his voice. “I thought he liked me.”
“Liked?” Abby asked before her eyes widened. “Liked as in liked?”
Connor nodded and sniffed. “I thought so, when we were alone through the anomaly...”
Abby pulled him into a hug and murmured softly, her fierce gaze fixed on Lester's office.
***
James looked up as his office door crashed open and he found himself facing a rather pissed-off looking Abby. He narrowed his eyes and wondered what he'd done wrong now. The menagerie was satisfactory and... oh fuck! Connor must have told her about his unwanted advances. No wonder Abby was looking pissed, she knew he'd taken advantage of Connor.
“What do you think you're doing?”
James retreated into snark almost automatically. “I really think I should be asking that, Miss Maitland.” He shook his head. “Really, charging in unannounced.”
“Don't.” Abby advanced on him until she was leaning over his desk. Her eyes flashed with anger. “Just don't pretend it's nothing.”
James licked his lip and cursed himself for that nervous tell. “I have no idea what you're on about.”
Abby shook her head in disgust. “You really are a bastard.”
James almost nodded in agreement. “You really will have to be more concise.” The look of loathing on Abby's face sent a spike of shame through James. He had abused his position and Connor. His gaze dropped to his desk and he could not meet Abby's gaze. What had happened in the past had just been a horrible mistake. His ex-wife was right, he was pathetic and no one could - would - ever want him.
“How could you?” Abby insisted.
James closed his eyes briefly. How could he have abused Connor's trust? Except he knew the answer to that and now he would pay the price for his weakness. “I really believe this matter is between Connor and myself.”
“Really?” Abby's tone was scathing. “So far, you've avoided any contact with Connor.”
James couldn't really disagree with that truthful statement. “I...” But for once in his life, James wasn't sure how to continue.
Abby gave a deep sigh. “You really are a piece of work. I'll never understand what Connor saw in you.”
James started to nod before frowning at Abby. “What did you say?”
“I said I don't see what Connor ever saw in you,” Abby almost growled at him.
“Saw?” James murmured before considering his next comment, but he had to know. “What do you mean, saw in me?”
“Connor likes you,” Abby repeated slowly and James got the distinct impression she thought he was either being wilfully slow or he was an idiot. “He thought you liked him back.”
“I...” James froze, his mind attempting to make sense of Abby's words. She couldn't mean that. His voice was full of disbelief as he asked, “He likes me?”
Abby's mouth snapped shut and she just looked at him. “Men!”
James' lip twitched before he sobered and shook his head. “He can't like me.”
Abby rolled her eyes. “Why not?” When he didn't answer, Abby repeated her question before sighing. “Lester? Why wouldn't Connor like you?”
“I...” James swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry as he stared at his desk, his fingers tidying documents as he tried to think of an answer that didn't show just how pathetic and needy he was. He sighed deeply when he could think of nothing.
“Lester?”
Abby's voice had gone from accusatory to coaxing, as if he was one of her menagerie. It was that tone that broke through James' armour. “How could he?” He looked up at Abby for a moment before dropping his gaze once more. “How could anyone?”
“Oh,” Abby murmured softly. “Lester, don't hurt Connor just because someone hurt you.”
James glared at her. “I won't.” His anger died as he realised he was and always would hurt Connor. It was better to break it off now, before he entirely destroyed the young man. His voice sounding hollow to his own ears, James gave Abby a bitter smile. “You can go now, Miss Maitland. Tell Connor...” He swallowed hard as his voice almost gave out. “Tell him I'm sorry.”
“Don't, Lester, please don't.”
“He's better off without me.” James turned back to his work, hoping Abby would get the hint and leave him alone.
“Lester... James.” Abby was nothing if not persistent and James cursed that usually admirable trait. While it was useful to control Connor's - James almost closed his eyes as he thought of that young man, he needed to be professional - wilder schemes, it certainly wasn't when it was used on him. James almost jumped when Abby squeezed his shoulder. “James. Please, you're attracted to Connor, he's attracted to you.” When James shook his head in denial, Abby sighed. “Don't, James. I don't know who hurt you, but don't let the past wreck your chance of happiness with Connor.”
“You don't understand.”
“Then make me.”
Bloody hell, Abby really wasn't going to let this drop. James wondered briefly if he'd get away with ordering her to leave him alone but knew it wouldn't work. Abby was far too protective of Connor that even threatening her with dismissal wouldn't work. Not that he was willing to lose her expertise or cause Connor pain by firing her... fuck! It all came back to Connor. If only they had never been marooned in the past, none of this would have come to light. He could have watched and lusted over Connor from afar.
“James, do you really want to lose Connor?”
“No!” The word was out of James' mouth before he had the chance to censor it. Fuck!
Abby smiled. “So, what are you going to do about it?”
James gave her a wry, if bitter, smile. “He's better off without me.”
“No, he's not. Connor's had a crush on you for several months. He even asked me for advice about how two men date.” She smiled at the memory. “Not that I had the slightest idea what to tell him.”
“He told you he... had a crush on me?” James couldn't help asking before his eyes widened in worry when he realised what that meant. “You talked about me?”
“Not by name.” Abby shook her head. “I must admit I was shocked when I realised he meant you.”
James nodded. “As I said, I'm not a great catch. Connor would be better off just forgetting about me and getting on with his life.”
“Connor fancies you, he doesn't want to forget about you.” Abby squeezed his arm again. “Do you really want to lose him? Not just in your life but from the ARC?”
James' head jerked upwards. “What?”
Abby gave him a sad smile. “He wants to be with you and you've rejected him. Every time he looks at you, he remembers that. Do you really want him to feel like that every day?”
“No!” How could Abby think that of him, even though he knew he deserved the accusation.
“Then do something, James.” Abby squeezed his shoulder again. “Just don't wait too long or you'll lose him.”
James watched Abby leave his office and leave him to his thoughts. Could it be true that Connor actually wanted to be with him? He still didn't believe it could be possible, not after the horrible words his ex had screamed at him. Could he risk his heart again? James sighed, the real question was could he just let Connor go without seeing if they had a chance of happiness?
James sighed heavily and rose to his feet. If there was even the slightest chance, he had to grab it. He needed to know if Connor really felt the way Abby claimed.
***
Connor watched Abby walk down the ramp from Lester's office and head towards the menagerie. He had the horrible feeling Abby had talked to Lester, had told him about his childish crush. The very last thing he had wanted, for how could he face Lester when the man he wanted and who had rejected him knew how much Connor wanted to be with him?
He rose from the ADD and trailed after Abby, hoping to find somewhere quiet to talk to her, somewhere with just the two of them. He needed to find out what she had told Lester.
“Abby!” Connor called out as he hurried after her.
“Con?” Abby turned with a smile which faded as she noticed his worried expression.
“What did you see Lester about?” Connor's fingers were crossed behind his back, but one look at her expression told him all he needed to know. “You told him I liked him.”
“I did.”
“How could you?” Connor began to pace. “What do I do now? He doesn't want me.”
“Yes, he does.”
Lester voice came from behind them and had Connor spinning around, his mouth open as he stared wordlessly at the man he hoped would be his. He watched as Lester gave Abby a slight nod smile as she slipped from the room. Great, now he was all alone with Lester. “What?” Connor just couldn't believe Lester really meant that... and he couldn't help the fear that he'd be asked to pack up and leave the ARC.
“I said I wanted you.” Lester's stance seemed to wilt when Connor just gaped at him. “I'm sorry, Connor... Mr Temple. I apologise for forcing my unwanted attention upon you.”
It was only when Lester turned dejectedly to leave that Connor threw off the paralysis that gripped him. “No!” Lester stopped with a hand on the door, his back still towards Connor. “You want me?”
Lester turned back to face him, his face a blank mask as he nodded.
“You like me? You want to be with me?” Connor had to know the truth.
Lester swallowed before licking his lips and taking a deep breath. “Yes.”
Connor grinned, he was so bloody happy. Lester... no, James did like him. He wanted to be with him. “Brilliant.”
James shook his head. “What would you want with me?”
Connor suddenly realised that James had the same doubts he himself had. The relief made his brain disconnect from his tongue and he was horrified when the words, “What would I want with you...?” fell from his lips as he imagined everything they could do together. He realised the terrible damage those words did when he saw the bleak look on James' face. He knew he had to move quickly and reached out to grab James' hand. “No, James. I didn't mean it like that. I was...” He blushed and ground to a halt.
“What did you mean?”
James' voice cracked slightly and that drove all of Connor's worries aside, even if James rejected him now, he knew he couldn't hurt him. “I... er... I,” Connor could feel the blush heating his skin and looked down at the floor, studying James' shoes. “I was just thinking about all the things I... you... we could do... together.”
“Ah.”
“If you want to...?” Connor risked a glance up, wondering what he'd see in James' face. He hoped for that wry smile but knew he should expect that disdainful look James did so well. He couldn't help smiling at James' expression, a mixture of shook and wonder and need. “James?”
“Are you sure?” James asked as he gestured at himself. “I'm not a good catch.”
“Neither am I,” Connor murmured as he stepped closer for a kiss, although he still hesitated. He sighed when James kissed him instead, almost melting against the other man. He pulled back reluctantly before shooting James a cheeky grin. “Home, James?”
James rolled his eyes before shaking his head. “Not until five, Connor.”
Connor tried his best begging look. “Are you sure?” He leaned in and pressed his lips gently against James'.
“Mmm,” James mumbled against Connor's mouth before pulling back, a slightly glazed look in his eyes. “Much as I'd love to, Connor, we are at work.” He raised a hand to caress Connor's face. “I'm sure I can make it up to you later...”
Connor let out a meep and swallowed at the thought of what James could do... bloody hell, he really didn't need to think about that, not now. He shot James an annoyed glance when the man stepped back with a chuckle.
“Don't take too long in the gents, Connor.”
“You are so making this up to me.”
James smirked at him. “I plan to.” He walked away before pausing in the doorway. “Don't be late, Connor. I'd hate to have to start without you.” He left without a backward look, leaving Connor wishing it was already five o'clock.