Primeval fic - The Ripple Effect (2/2) - Darkfic
Title: The Ripple Effect - Part 2
Author: knitekat
Word Count: ~4000 (out of ~7360)
Characters: Hilary Becker, James Lester, Jenny Lewis, Abby Maitland, Jess Parker, Danny Quinn, Connor Temple, OCs
Rating: 18
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace.
A/N: Sequel to Payback. I've been working on this, off and on, for some time and have finally finished it. Thanks go to the wonderful Fred, Hound amongst Hounds, for the beta. Cheers m'dear. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
Warnings: Dark!fic, angst, hurt/comfort, slash, mentions torture, non-con and pissing.
Back to Part 1
It took Jess far longer than she was happy with to break the encryption to Burton's computer files. When she saw the amount of data, she knew it would take even longer to find the information they required. She took a quick break to fortify herself with a cup of tea and her favourite chocolate bar before she settled down for the long haul.
Several hours later, Jess gave a jaw-cracking yawn and knew she needed a break, no matter how much she could ill-afford one. Although as falling asleep and missing a vital clue would be even worse, she sighed and rose to head for the bunk rooms. A quick power nap followed by a shower, more tea and yet more chocolate should see her capable of at least a few more hours of reading some of the most boring data she'd ever seen. Unfortunately, skipping the boring files could mean missing some vital clue to where Burton might be.
Feeling refreshed and ready-to-go once more, Jess hummed absent-mindedly to herself as she scanned through more of Burton's computer files. She rolled her eyes at the video-footage Burton had saved of Lester. Was the man really so obsessed with Lester that he had to store so much footage of Lester sitting at his desk, feeding Monty or just walking around the ARC? Jess shivered when she realised Burton had been stalking Lester and she reached out to turn the footage off.
Jess' breath caught as she stared at the screen, frozen to the spot as tears trickled down her face. She was unable to break her gaze from the images now playing silently on the screen in front of her:
A bloodied, naked but still defiant-looking Lester swayed in the grip of two of Burton's men, his arms yanked painfully upwards as he was secured to a frame. She saw the look of glee and lust on Burton's face. Electricity sparked as one of his men tapped a metal wand against a chair. Lester's screams and struggles to escape as they ran that electrified wand over his body were obvious.
Jess almost sobbed in relief when Lester sagged unconscious in his restraints. She had never realised anyone could do that to another person. Her hand reached out again to stop the playback but she was an instant too late as shock once more paralysed her body.
Lester hung helplessly from the bonds attached to a frame, unresponsive as Burton walked behind him, tapping that damned wand in his hand as he caressed Lester's back, his hand dropping down to grope Lester's arse. Burton leaned in close to Lester and said something to him, something that had Lester tensing. He gripped Lester's shoulder and then Lester's mouth opened in a silent scream as Burton rammed the wand into him and raped him with it. Lester was gasping when Burton released the wand and walked over to the desk to pick up the control box. He struggled and screamed as Burton held the button down until he finally hung limp from the restraints. Burton pulled his erection from his trousers and stroked himself until he came over Lester's unconscious form.
Jess heard harsh sobs and it took her several moments to realise they were hers. The screen mercifully went dark and strong arms pulled her against an equally strong chest. Gun-calloused hands stroked her hair as Becker's voice sounded in her ear.
“Shh. Jess, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that the sick bastard had recorded it. I wouldn't have asked you to access his files if I'd known.”
“How...?” Jess' voice shook and she swallowed, she would not fall apart, not now. They needed her to help them track down Burton. “How could he, Becker?” Jess was proud that her voice held only a faint quiver.
Becker sighed softly, “I don't know, Jessica. I just don't know.” He continued to comfort her. “How about I take over here?”
Jess knew he meant well, that he was trying to protect her, but she couldn't let him witness those terrible images. Not by himself. She took a deep breath as she gathered her frayed nerves and managed a smile. “I have to help. I...” Jess shook her head. “I need to help.” She looked up into Becker's eyes as she gripped his hand hard. “Stay with me?” Jess held her breath; she knew it was a lot to ask of him. She sighed in relief when Becker nodded. With him by her side, she could continue her search. No matter what terrible material she might uncover, Becker would be there to protect her. Jess just hoped she was making the right choice in asking him to stay with her. She knew Danny would, the ex-policeman seemed hardened to... Jess swallowed, she still couldn't understand how anyone could do that to another person. Burton was... he was, sick didn't seem a big enough word to encompass the evil he had committed on Lester.
***
Becker closed his eyes for a moment, his head lulling back against the locker. He had failed once again and someone else had paid the price. First Cutter, then Sarah, followed by Lester and now Jess. If he had just done his job and looked at those files himself, Jess would never have had to watch the torture Lester had undergone. Fuck! If only Lester had accepted his resignation after Sarah's... maybe he wouldn't now be in intensive care fighting for his life. Becker hit his head against the locker, even if he survived Lester would never be the same again. He certainly wouldn't want a failure like Becker around to fuck up again. Three strikes and you're out, Becker thought the Americans' said, and Lester had been his third strike.
He was a failure. He had even failed to capture any of Burton's men alive for interrogation. Even worse, several had escaped and Becker had no doubt that Burton had been told his victim had been rescued. It was why he'd arranged for an armed guard to protect Lester, he certainly wouldn't put anything beyond Burton, not now.
Why the hell had Lester wanted him to stay at the ARC? He had proven himself incapable of protecting the team, protecting Lester. Even someone who... No. Becker knew things would, could, never be the same again. How could Lester want him around now, especially after... Becker suddenly moved, driving his fist into a nearby locker, hearing the metal groan as he dented it and scraped his knuckles.
It felt good. He deserved to be punished for what he had let happen on his watch. Lester deserved someone better... Becker punched the locker again and again. He felt his knuckles split open under the pounding and wondered if he could ever bleed enough to pay for all his failures.
“That's not going to help, mate.” Danny's amused tones sounded and Becker swung around, his fist leading the way.
Danny dodged the blow and grabbed Becker as he staggered past him. Shoving Becker against a locker and holding him there. “Calm the fuck down, mate,” Danny said in a calm voice. “Getting angry with me or that locker ain't going to catch that sick bastard.” He lowered his voice until Becker almost had to strain to hear him. “Or help Lester.”
Those words hit Becker harder than Danny knew. He had failed over and over again. What help had he been to Lester? None. Becker knew he was a fucking failure and sagged as all the fight left him.
“That's more like it.” Danny slowly released Becker and took several steps back, his hands raised warily. “Now, how about a cuppa and we'll go over the info?” He eyed Becker's bloodied hand. “Via the medical room.”
***
Connor followed the sounds of fists slapping on leather. He entered the gym and sighed. Abby was punching and kicking the punch-bag with all her might. Over and over again, Connor couldn't help wonder if the bag was going to fly off the hook at any moment.
He stepped forward before stopping, he wanted to stop her but didn't want to interrupt her. When Abby gave a distraught cry, Connor moved to wrap her in his arms and hold her tight. “Lester will be fine.”
Abby sniffed and held him tightly. “He's still in a coma, Con. It's been weeks.”
Connor nodded. “I know,” his voice quavered slightly as he remembered it was his fault Lester was still fighting for his life. He gave himself a mental shake, Abby needed him now and he'd hold together for her. “You know Lester, he's got too much pride to let Burton beat him.” When Abby nodded and wiped away her tears, Connor just wished he could be as confident.
***
Danny sighed softly as he watched his team, all suffering from what had happened to Lester, all blaming themselves instead of the fucker who had done it to him. He had been so relieved when Jenny had agreed to come back, even if only for the short-term. She'd be another steadying presence to hold the others together over the weeks as they waited for Lester to recover, even though she was, had to be, effected by what had happened to him. Danny sighed as he returned to considering his people, his friends.
Abby: blaming herself for what had happened to Lester; convinced it was him stepping in the save her animals that had set Burton off. Danny shock his head, the Burton's of this world didn't need an excuse to justify their actions. As far as Danny could tell, Lester had been in Burton's way and the sick bastard had acted to remove him. It would have happened sooner or later no matter what Lester did or didn't do.
Connor: consumed by guilt for believing in Burton and not questioning his actions. Too caught up in his hero-worship to recognise the madness buried within. Blaming himself for not realising in time, for not believing Danny until they had found the CCTV footage of one of Burton's men EMDing Lester in the back, of their guv'nor being bundled into Burton's car while Burton had watched, a satisfied smile twisting his face. Connor might think Danny blamed him, but he was wrong, it was obvious to Danny that after the death of Cutter, Connor had been looking for a mentor, someone to look up to, to strive to become. It had just been unfortunate that person had turned out to be Burton. Beside anything else, a year struggling to survive in the Cretaceous would be enough to make Connor want someone to believe in him and want someone to believe in and Danny believed Burton had used that to manipulate Connor.
Becker: another one blaming himself and already so guilt-ridden after Sarah. Danny had heard he had tried to resign, but Lester wouldn't have it. Now he seemed even more tied-up in regret and slowly falling apart from what he saw as his failures. Danny sighed, Becker reminded him of some of his old colleagues on the force, so invested in solving crimes that in the end they cracked up. The lucky ones retired... Danny shook his head, Becker was too good a man to lose to self-loathing and he would have to hold the soldier together until Becker could see that for himself.
Jess: Danny didn't know her, but her determination to continue helping even after seeing those images had made her one of his people... he just regretted that her innocence had been so brutally smashed. She was far too young to witness such horrors but her loyalty to the team, to Lester, would get her through. At least Danny hoped it would and he would keep an eye on her too... although, maybe he should give that job to Abby and Connor, anything to keep them functioning and focused on something other than their own guilt over Lester.
Jenny: she had agreed to come back for this emergency. Danny remembered her face when she had seen Lester; the cold fury that had settled over her features as she had taken Lester's hand in her own and gently squeezed it. How she had gently brushed the hair from his forehead before kissing it softly. She had proven an asset to the ARC in this troubled time, but Danny knew she was unlikely to stay once Burton had been dealt with. Too many bad memories lurked within these walls for her, no matter how much the ARC needed her and her skills.
The only one who didn't seem affected was Matt. The dark-horse, the mystery-man. What Danny knew about him just didn't add up. The man was up to something... every copper's instinct Danny had screamed that at him. However, Matt had done his utmost to locate Lester. Danny had heard that Matt had argued long and hard that they kept looking when the minister and bloody Burton had wanted to stop the search. Just that last point was enough for Danny to give him the benefit of the doubt, even if he would be keeping a very close eye on one Mr Matthew Anderson.
Danny sighed and rubbed his face. He could only hope that he could, with Jenny's and Matt's help, hold the team together. Lester would not appreciate it if he came back to work and found his ARC destroyed and his people scattered. Danny knew Lester would need that normality to help his recovery. Assuming he could recover from what had happened to him. Danny had seen stronger men crumble from lesser assaults, he'd also seen people he would have expected to give in, fight back stronger than before. He just didn't know which group Lester would fall into.
Besides that, Danny needed the ARC to track down and 'deal' with that bastard, Burton. He owed it to Lester, for giving him the chance to find out what really had happened to his brother. But beyond all that, scum like Burton needed to be dealt with... and Danny was sure he'd find the perfect anomaly to throw that bastard through. Danny grinned at that thought.
***
Danny sighed as he watched Becker continue to mope around the ARC, especially as Jenny had reported that Lester was now awake, at least on occasions and responding well to physio, even if he was refusing the rape counselling he'd been offered. Not that Lester's condition was Danny's concern right now, no, Becker's was and the soldier's behaviour was beginning to worry him. He felt he was missing something vital... some piece of information that would make everything make sense.
“It's so sad.” Jess' voice started Danny.
“What is?”
“Oh, I thought you... ah. You've been away. I forgot you wouldn't know.” Jess almost babbled. “Becker and Lester... um.”
“What about Becker and Lester?” Danny asked before he turned to look at Becker with blossoming understanding. “Since when?”
Jess shrugged. “I'm not sure. I... um. I stayed late one evening and…” She blushed slightly as she continued, “I caught them kissing.”
Danny bit back a smile at what Jess wasn't saying, she had clearly had a crush on soldier boy. Hold on - Lester and Becker? The thought of them being together had never crossed his mind, but it would certainly explain Becker's reactions. Fuck! Danny ran a hand through his hair. Now he would have to add even more support for Becker into his plans. He wondered if Jenny knew, he'd have to tell her. She might be better placed to talk to Becker about it... Fuck. No wonder Becker was so guilt-ridden... it certainly explained why the soldier had never visited the hospital, he blamed himself for Lester's - for his boyfriend's - kidnapping and subsequent torture. Fuck! Becker always had been one to take failure personal and...
Jess' voice broke into his musings. “I hope they make it, Danny.” She looked rather sad. “They looked so... sweet.”
Danny could only add his own hopes to hers. At least Lester would have someone he trusted and loved to support him through this. Danny had always hated dealing with rape cases, seeing the shattered trust in the victims. He'd taken great pleasure in hunting the bastards down and would do so with Burton.
***
It had taken Becker far longer than he was comfortable with to visit James in hospital, the thought of seeing his lover so broken and knowing it was all his fault had kept him away. At least until Danny and Jenny had cornered him and made him realise that James needed him to be there for him, that he was failing James once again by his absence.
It had still been one of the hardest things he'd ever done to walk into James' room and see him, to meet his haunted eyes and know he had fucked up and that James had paid the price. They had both been awkward that first day, neither knowing what to say and Becker had no idea if James wanted him to hold him or keep away. He had so wanted to hold James tight, to let him know he was safe but instead he'd settled for pressing his lips quickly to James' forehead. He'd pulled back when he'd felt his lover tense and Becker had closed his eyes in rejection, only to open them when he felt a hand tentatively grip his own.
James' voice was weak, a mere shadow of his normal tones, “Give me time, Becks.”
“All the time you need,” Becker promised him as he gently squeezed James' hand. He had visited every day after that, anomalies willing. What time he had left had been spent hunting down Burton, but he'd been unable to find him and that just proved how much of a failure he truly was. Maybe James would be better off without him, but until James told him to bugger off - and Becker knew he would - it was his responsibility to look after him.
That had been over a month ago and Becker hadn't been able to keep the smile from his face when the doctors finally agreed he could take James home. He just hoped the haunted look in James' eyes would fade once they were back in their own place. Maybe, with James' discharge, maybe he'd have a chance to make that failure up to James. If his lover... fuck, did he still have the right to call James that after everything? Would his lo... would James even want anything to do with him? Becker didn't know, the one thing he did know was that he had to try, even if he lost James for good. He had to make up for his failure... if James would let him.
***
James hated the fact that he jumped at every unexpected noise, he hated the fact that he couldn't touch Becker or let Becker touch him without bracing himself first. He was bloody surprised that Becker stayed with him, he hadn't been much of a catch before... he swallowed hard, Burton, he was even less of one now.
Not only was his mind conspiring against him, but his body was too, and James hated the way he was so bloody tired all the time. When he found himself nodding off and only waking when he dropped his book onto the floor, James' shoulders slumped. He'd been told he needed time to recover, physically as well as mentally, and that pushing himself too hard would only cause a relapse and he had no wish to spend any more time in hospital. He gave a growl of annoyance before slowly walking to the bedroom to collapse on the covers, asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. James' eyelids began to flicker as he dreamt, although soon his pleasant dream morphed and changed and he whimpered.
James squeezed his eyes tightly closed as he heard footsteps approach him. Maybe if they thought he was unconscious they leave him alone. He almost snorted, when had they left him alone? He was a mere plaything for Burton's amusement.
He shivered as a hand caressed his body, the touch gentle as it roamed over his naked flesh. Burton's voice sent James' heart racing, “You're still disobeying me, James.” His hand cupped James' balls and he squeezed, hard. “You know that means punishment.”
James whimpered before he bit his lip to prevent any other sounds escaping his control. He could do nothing but try and keep his control as he heard a zip being opened. Warm, pungent wetness splattered against his skin, running over his face and dripping off his nose.
James woke with a gasp, his breathing rapid and his heart pounding. He felt absolutely filthy and in desperate need of a bath. He opened the bathroom door and stepped inside, his eyes searching the room to check it was safe before he stripped naked.
He stepped under the shower and switched it on, needing desperately to be clean. As soon as the water hit his face, he was back there. He couldn't breath and his muscles tensed. Panting he stumbled in his haste to run, falling out of the shower onto the floor and crawling to press against a wall where he shivered and shook and gasped, lost in memory.
He struggled to pull free, but their grip on his arms was too tight. He couldn't breathe as the water hit his body. Terror filled him as he felt the water on his face. It was suffocating him. Drowning him. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.
James slowly came back to reality to find himself back in his bed, wandering how he had got back into bed. He started to hyperventilate when a gentle hand touched his hand.
“James?” The sound of Becker's voice slowly calmed his panic. “Should I move back to my flat?”
“No!” James almost barked at him before his voice almost broke as he continued, “Please. I'm sorry. Don't leave me. I don't, I'm sorry, Hilary.”
“I won't.” Becker replied. “Not unless you want me too.”
James gave a bitter snort. “I don't know why you don't or why you put up with me. I've yelled at you. I've taken a swing at you.” His voice broke, “I won't... I won't let you touch me.”
***
When James hugged his knees against his chest and rocked, Becker was at his side in an instant, his hand hovering as if afraid to touch James, before he hesitantly reach out to grasp James' knee. “I stay because I love you, James. We will get through this, together.” He nudged James' chin until his lover looked up at him, tears streaming down his face. “I never gave up looking for you. I'm not going to give up on you now.”
James took a shaky breath and nodded as he reached a hand out to gently caress Becker's face.
Becker froze at James' touch, he was barely breathing, determined not to scare his lover.
James' voice was soft. “I do love you, Hilary. It was the only thing that kept me...” He swallowed hard and shivered at the memories those words invoked.
Without thinking, Becker surged to his feet and wrapped his arms tightly around James, rocking him as he murmured soothing nonsense in his ear.
James gave a stifled sob before he wrapped his arms around Becker. Becker rubbed his lover's back, listening as James broke down into heart-wrenching sobs. He blinked back his own tears as he smiled. Together they would confront their demons and defeat them, together they would get through this and emerge stronger.
Author: knitekat
Word Count: ~4000 (out of ~7360)
Characters: Hilary Becker, James Lester, Jenny Lewis, Abby Maitland, Jess Parker, Danny Quinn, Connor Temple, OCs
Rating: 18
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace.
A/N: Sequel to Payback. I've been working on this, off and on, for some time and have finally finished it. Thanks go to the wonderful Fred, Hound amongst Hounds, for the beta. Cheers m'dear. Any remaining mistakes are mine.
Warnings: Dark!fic, angst, hurt/comfort, slash, mentions torture, non-con and pissing.
Back to Part 1
It took Jess far longer than she was happy with to break the encryption to Burton's computer files. When she saw the amount of data, she knew it would take even longer to find the information they required. She took a quick break to fortify herself with a cup of tea and her favourite chocolate bar before she settled down for the long haul.
Several hours later, Jess gave a jaw-cracking yawn and knew she needed a break, no matter how much she could ill-afford one. Although as falling asleep and missing a vital clue would be even worse, she sighed and rose to head for the bunk rooms. A quick power nap followed by a shower, more tea and yet more chocolate should see her capable of at least a few more hours of reading some of the most boring data she'd ever seen. Unfortunately, skipping the boring files could mean missing some vital clue to where Burton might be.
Feeling refreshed and ready-to-go once more, Jess hummed absent-mindedly to herself as she scanned through more of Burton's computer files. She rolled her eyes at the video-footage Burton had saved of Lester. Was the man really so obsessed with Lester that he had to store so much footage of Lester sitting at his desk, feeding Monty or just walking around the ARC? Jess shivered when she realised Burton had been stalking Lester and she reached out to turn the footage off.
Jess' breath caught as she stared at the screen, frozen to the spot as tears trickled down her face. She was unable to break her gaze from the images now playing silently on the screen in front of her:
A bloodied, naked but still defiant-looking Lester swayed in the grip of two of Burton's men, his arms yanked painfully upwards as he was secured to a frame. She saw the look of glee and lust on Burton's face. Electricity sparked as one of his men tapped a metal wand against a chair. Lester's screams and struggles to escape as they ran that electrified wand over his body were obvious.
Jess almost sobbed in relief when Lester sagged unconscious in his restraints. She had never realised anyone could do that to another person. Her hand reached out again to stop the playback but she was an instant too late as shock once more paralysed her body.
Lester hung helplessly from the bonds attached to a frame, unresponsive as Burton walked behind him, tapping that damned wand in his hand as he caressed Lester's back, his hand dropping down to grope Lester's arse. Burton leaned in close to Lester and said something to him, something that had Lester tensing. He gripped Lester's shoulder and then Lester's mouth opened in a silent scream as Burton rammed the wand into him and raped him with it. Lester was gasping when Burton released the wand and walked over to the desk to pick up the control box. He struggled and screamed as Burton held the button down until he finally hung limp from the restraints. Burton pulled his erection from his trousers and stroked himself until he came over Lester's unconscious form.
Jess heard harsh sobs and it took her several moments to realise they were hers. The screen mercifully went dark and strong arms pulled her against an equally strong chest. Gun-calloused hands stroked her hair as Becker's voice sounded in her ear.
“Shh. Jess, I'm sorry. I didn't realise that the sick bastard had recorded it. I wouldn't have asked you to access his files if I'd known.”
“How...?” Jess' voice shook and she swallowed, she would not fall apart, not now. They needed her to help them track down Burton. “How could he, Becker?” Jess was proud that her voice held only a faint quiver.
Becker sighed softly, “I don't know, Jessica. I just don't know.” He continued to comfort her. “How about I take over here?”
Jess knew he meant well, that he was trying to protect her, but she couldn't let him witness those terrible images. Not by himself. She took a deep breath as she gathered her frayed nerves and managed a smile. “I have to help. I...” Jess shook her head. “I need to help.” She looked up into Becker's eyes as she gripped his hand hard. “Stay with me?” Jess held her breath; she knew it was a lot to ask of him. She sighed in relief when Becker nodded. With him by her side, she could continue her search. No matter what terrible material she might uncover, Becker would be there to protect her. Jess just hoped she was making the right choice in asking him to stay with her. She knew Danny would, the ex-policeman seemed hardened to... Jess swallowed, she still couldn't understand how anyone could do that to another person. Burton was... he was, sick didn't seem a big enough word to encompass the evil he had committed on Lester.
***
Becker closed his eyes for a moment, his head lulling back against the locker. He had failed once again and someone else had paid the price. First Cutter, then Sarah, followed by Lester and now Jess. If he had just done his job and looked at those files himself, Jess would never have had to watch the torture Lester had undergone. Fuck! If only Lester had accepted his resignation after Sarah's... maybe he wouldn't now be in intensive care fighting for his life. Becker hit his head against the locker, even if he survived Lester would never be the same again. He certainly wouldn't want a failure like Becker around to fuck up again. Three strikes and you're out, Becker thought the Americans' said, and Lester had been his third strike.
He was a failure. He had even failed to capture any of Burton's men alive for interrogation. Even worse, several had escaped and Becker had no doubt that Burton had been told his victim had been rescued. It was why he'd arranged for an armed guard to protect Lester, he certainly wouldn't put anything beyond Burton, not now.
Why the hell had Lester wanted him to stay at the ARC? He had proven himself incapable of protecting the team, protecting Lester. Even someone who... No. Becker knew things would, could, never be the same again. How could Lester want him around now, especially after... Becker suddenly moved, driving his fist into a nearby locker, hearing the metal groan as he dented it and scraped his knuckles.
It felt good. He deserved to be punished for what he had let happen on his watch. Lester deserved someone better... Becker punched the locker again and again. He felt his knuckles split open under the pounding and wondered if he could ever bleed enough to pay for all his failures.
“That's not going to help, mate.” Danny's amused tones sounded and Becker swung around, his fist leading the way.
Danny dodged the blow and grabbed Becker as he staggered past him. Shoving Becker against a locker and holding him there. “Calm the fuck down, mate,” Danny said in a calm voice. “Getting angry with me or that locker ain't going to catch that sick bastard.” He lowered his voice until Becker almost had to strain to hear him. “Or help Lester.”
Those words hit Becker harder than Danny knew. He had failed over and over again. What help had he been to Lester? None. Becker knew he was a fucking failure and sagged as all the fight left him.
“That's more like it.” Danny slowly released Becker and took several steps back, his hands raised warily. “Now, how about a cuppa and we'll go over the info?” He eyed Becker's bloodied hand. “Via the medical room.”
***
Connor followed the sounds of fists slapping on leather. He entered the gym and sighed. Abby was punching and kicking the punch-bag with all her might. Over and over again, Connor couldn't help wonder if the bag was going to fly off the hook at any moment.
He stepped forward before stopping, he wanted to stop her but didn't want to interrupt her. When Abby gave a distraught cry, Connor moved to wrap her in his arms and hold her tight. “Lester will be fine.”
Abby sniffed and held him tightly. “He's still in a coma, Con. It's been weeks.”
Connor nodded. “I know,” his voice quavered slightly as he remembered it was his fault Lester was still fighting for his life. He gave himself a mental shake, Abby needed him now and he'd hold together for her. “You know Lester, he's got too much pride to let Burton beat him.” When Abby nodded and wiped away her tears, Connor just wished he could be as confident.
***
Danny sighed softly as he watched his team, all suffering from what had happened to Lester, all blaming themselves instead of the fucker who had done it to him. He had been so relieved when Jenny had agreed to come back, even if only for the short-term. She'd be another steadying presence to hold the others together over the weeks as they waited for Lester to recover, even though she was, had to be, effected by what had happened to him. Danny sighed as he returned to considering his people, his friends.
Abby: blaming herself for what had happened to Lester; convinced it was him stepping in the save her animals that had set Burton off. Danny shock his head, the Burton's of this world didn't need an excuse to justify their actions. As far as Danny could tell, Lester had been in Burton's way and the sick bastard had acted to remove him. It would have happened sooner or later no matter what Lester did or didn't do.
Connor: consumed by guilt for believing in Burton and not questioning his actions. Too caught up in his hero-worship to recognise the madness buried within. Blaming himself for not realising in time, for not believing Danny until they had found the CCTV footage of one of Burton's men EMDing Lester in the back, of their guv'nor being bundled into Burton's car while Burton had watched, a satisfied smile twisting his face. Connor might think Danny blamed him, but he was wrong, it was obvious to Danny that after the death of Cutter, Connor had been looking for a mentor, someone to look up to, to strive to become. It had just been unfortunate that person had turned out to be Burton. Beside anything else, a year struggling to survive in the Cretaceous would be enough to make Connor want someone to believe in him and want someone to believe in and Danny believed Burton had used that to manipulate Connor.
Becker: another one blaming himself and already so guilt-ridden after Sarah. Danny had heard he had tried to resign, but Lester wouldn't have it. Now he seemed even more tied-up in regret and slowly falling apart from what he saw as his failures. Danny sighed, Becker reminded him of some of his old colleagues on the force, so invested in solving crimes that in the end they cracked up. The lucky ones retired... Danny shook his head, Becker was too good a man to lose to self-loathing and he would have to hold the soldier together until Becker could see that for himself.
Jess: Danny didn't know her, but her determination to continue helping even after seeing those images had made her one of his people... he just regretted that her innocence had been so brutally smashed. She was far too young to witness such horrors but her loyalty to the team, to Lester, would get her through. At least Danny hoped it would and he would keep an eye on her too... although, maybe he should give that job to Abby and Connor, anything to keep them functioning and focused on something other than their own guilt over Lester.
Jenny: she had agreed to come back for this emergency. Danny remembered her face when she had seen Lester; the cold fury that had settled over her features as she had taken Lester's hand in her own and gently squeezed it. How she had gently brushed the hair from his forehead before kissing it softly. She had proven an asset to the ARC in this troubled time, but Danny knew she was unlikely to stay once Burton had been dealt with. Too many bad memories lurked within these walls for her, no matter how much the ARC needed her and her skills.
The only one who didn't seem affected was Matt. The dark-horse, the mystery-man. What Danny knew about him just didn't add up. The man was up to something... every copper's instinct Danny had screamed that at him. However, Matt had done his utmost to locate Lester. Danny had heard that Matt had argued long and hard that they kept looking when the minister and bloody Burton had wanted to stop the search. Just that last point was enough for Danny to give him the benefit of the doubt, even if he would be keeping a very close eye on one Mr Matthew Anderson.
Danny sighed and rubbed his face. He could only hope that he could, with Jenny's and Matt's help, hold the team together. Lester would not appreciate it if he came back to work and found his ARC destroyed and his people scattered. Danny knew Lester would need that normality to help his recovery. Assuming he could recover from what had happened to him. Danny had seen stronger men crumble from lesser assaults, he'd also seen people he would have expected to give in, fight back stronger than before. He just didn't know which group Lester would fall into.
Besides that, Danny needed the ARC to track down and 'deal' with that bastard, Burton. He owed it to Lester, for giving him the chance to find out what really had happened to his brother. But beyond all that, scum like Burton needed to be dealt with... and Danny was sure he'd find the perfect anomaly to throw that bastard through. Danny grinned at that thought.
***
Danny sighed as he watched Becker continue to mope around the ARC, especially as Jenny had reported that Lester was now awake, at least on occasions and responding well to physio, even if he was refusing the rape counselling he'd been offered. Not that Lester's condition was Danny's concern right now, no, Becker's was and the soldier's behaviour was beginning to worry him. He felt he was missing something vital... some piece of information that would make everything make sense.
“It's so sad.” Jess' voice started Danny.
“What is?”
“Oh, I thought you... ah. You've been away. I forgot you wouldn't know.” Jess almost babbled. “Becker and Lester... um.”
“What about Becker and Lester?” Danny asked before he turned to look at Becker with blossoming understanding. “Since when?”
Jess shrugged. “I'm not sure. I... um. I stayed late one evening and…” She blushed slightly as she continued, “I caught them kissing.”
Danny bit back a smile at what Jess wasn't saying, she had clearly had a crush on soldier boy. Hold on - Lester and Becker? The thought of them being together had never crossed his mind, but it would certainly explain Becker's reactions. Fuck! Danny ran a hand through his hair. Now he would have to add even more support for Becker into his plans. He wondered if Jenny knew, he'd have to tell her. She might be better placed to talk to Becker about it... Fuck. No wonder Becker was so guilt-ridden... it certainly explained why the soldier had never visited the hospital, he blamed himself for Lester's - for his boyfriend's - kidnapping and subsequent torture. Fuck! Becker always had been one to take failure personal and...
Jess' voice broke into his musings. “I hope they make it, Danny.” She looked rather sad. “They looked so... sweet.”
Danny could only add his own hopes to hers. At least Lester would have someone he trusted and loved to support him through this. Danny had always hated dealing with rape cases, seeing the shattered trust in the victims. He'd taken great pleasure in hunting the bastards down and would do so with Burton.
***
It had taken Becker far longer than he was comfortable with to visit James in hospital, the thought of seeing his lover so broken and knowing it was all his fault had kept him away. At least until Danny and Jenny had cornered him and made him realise that James needed him to be there for him, that he was failing James once again by his absence.
It had still been one of the hardest things he'd ever done to walk into James' room and see him, to meet his haunted eyes and know he had fucked up and that James had paid the price. They had both been awkward that first day, neither knowing what to say and Becker had no idea if James wanted him to hold him or keep away. He had so wanted to hold James tight, to let him know he was safe but instead he'd settled for pressing his lips quickly to James' forehead. He'd pulled back when he'd felt his lover tense and Becker had closed his eyes in rejection, only to open them when he felt a hand tentatively grip his own.
James' voice was weak, a mere shadow of his normal tones, “Give me time, Becks.”
“All the time you need,” Becker promised him as he gently squeezed James' hand. He had visited every day after that, anomalies willing. What time he had left had been spent hunting down Burton, but he'd been unable to find him and that just proved how much of a failure he truly was. Maybe James would be better off without him, but until James told him to bugger off - and Becker knew he would - it was his responsibility to look after him.
That had been over a month ago and Becker hadn't been able to keep the smile from his face when the doctors finally agreed he could take James home. He just hoped the haunted look in James' eyes would fade once they were back in their own place. Maybe, with James' discharge, maybe he'd have a chance to make that failure up to James. If his lover... fuck, did he still have the right to call James that after everything? Would his lo... would James even want anything to do with him? Becker didn't know, the one thing he did know was that he had to try, even if he lost James for good. He had to make up for his failure... if James would let him.
***
James hated the fact that he jumped at every unexpected noise, he hated the fact that he couldn't touch Becker or let Becker touch him without bracing himself first. He was bloody surprised that Becker stayed with him, he hadn't been much of a catch before... he swallowed hard, Burton, he was even less of one now.
Not only was his mind conspiring against him, but his body was too, and James hated the way he was so bloody tired all the time. When he found himself nodding off and only waking when he dropped his book onto the floor, James' shoulders slumped. He'd been told he needed time to recover, physically as well as mentally, and that pushing himself too hard would only cause a relapse and he had no wish to spend any more time in hospital. He gave a growl of annoyance before slowly walking to the bedroom to collapse on the covers, asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. James' eyelids began to flicker as he dreamt, although soon his pleasant dream morphed and changed and he whimpered.
James squeezed his eyes tightly closed as he heard footsteps approach him. Maybe if they thought he was unconscious they leave him alone. He almost snorted, when had they left him alone? He was a mere plaything for Burton's amusement.
He shivered as a hand caressed his body, the touch gentle as it roamed over his naked flesh. Burton's voice sent James' heart racing, “You're still disobeying me, James.” His hand cupped James' balls and he squeezed, hard. “You know that means punishment.”
James whimpered before he bit his lip to prevent any other sounds escaping his control. He could do nothing but try and keep his control as he heard a zip being opened. Warm, pungent wetness splattered against his skin, running over his face and dripping off his nose.
James woke with a gasp, his breathing rapid and his heart pounding. He felt absolutely filthy and in desperate need of a bath. He opened the bathroom door and stepped inside, his eyes searching the room to check it was safe before he stripped naked.
He stepped under the shower and switched it on, needing desperately to be clean. As soon as the water hit his face, he was back there. He couldn't breath and his muscles tensed. Panting he stumbled in his haste to run, falling out of the shower onto the floor and crawling to press against a wall where he shivered and shook and gasped, lost in memory.
He struggled to pull free, but their grip on his arms was too tight. He couldn't breathe as the water hit his body. Terror filled him as he felt the water on his face. It was suffocating him. Drowning him. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.
James slowly came back to reality to find himself back in his bed, wandering how he had got back into bed. He started to hyperventilate when a gentle hand touched his hand.
“James?” The sound of Becker's voice slowly calmed his panic. “Should I move back to my flat?”
“No!” James almost barked at him before his voice almost broke as he continued, “Please. I'm sorry. Don't leave me. I don't, I'm sorry, Hilary.”
“I won't.” Becker replied. “Not unless you want me too.”
James gave a bitter snort. “I don't know why you don't or why you put up with me. I've yelled at you. I've taken a swing at you.” His voice broke, “I won't... I won't let you touch me.”
***
When James hugged his knees against his chest and rocked, Becker was at his side in an instant, his hand hovering as if afraid to touch James, before he hesitantly reach out to grasp James' knee. “I stay because I love you, James. We will get through this, together.” He nudged James' chin until his lover looked up at him, tears streaming down his face. “I never gave up looking for you. I'm not going to give up on you now.”
James took a shaky breath and nodded as he reached a hand out to gently caress Becker's face.
Becker froze at James' touch, he was barely breathing, determined not to scare his lover.
James' voice was soft. “I do love you, Hilary. It was the only thing that kept me...” He swallowed hard and shivered at the memories those words invoked.
Without thinking, Becker surged to his feet and wrapped his arms tightly around James, rocking him as he murmured soothing nonsense in his ear.
James gave a stifled sob before he wrapped his arms around Becker. Becker rubbed his lover's back, listening as James broke down into heart-wrenching sobs. He blinked back his own tears as he smiled. Together they would confront their demons and defeat them, together they would get through this and emerge stronger.