Primeval fic: Choices
Title: Choices
Author: knitekat
Word Count: ~3170
Characters: James Lester/Stephen Hart
Rating: 12
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace.
A/N01: A fic for Luka from her prompt: Lester/Stephen - Right and wrong. The boys talk, set after 2.3. Hope you like it.
A/N02: Thanks go to fififole for the beta, cheers m'dear. Any remaining mistakes are my own.
Stephen lifted the bottle of beer to his lips before putting it down untouched. All he could think of was the raw grief he'd witnessed earlier that day at the funeral. A funeral that should never have happened. He'd stood at the back, feeling like he was an intruder and maybe he was as he hadn't known Valerie. He'd been unable to save her, even though they were supposed to save people. At least, that was what he always thought they'd been doing.
He sighed. Maybe he should just leave and start again somewhere else. Nick didn't trust him, not that Stephen could blame him, but Nick wouldn't even let him try and explain, to apologise and beg for forgiveness.
Stephen shook his head, where would he go and how could he just leave? He was the only one who thought people had the right to know the truth. If Valerie had known the truth, if he'd only told her what was really happening, she might still be alive and her mother wouldn't have collapsed... but Nick was a stubborn Scot who wouldn't budge his position no matter what and... he also knew James didn't agree with telling the public anything.
“Penny for them?” James asked, wrapping his arms around Stephen and nuzzling his neck.
Stephen leaned back against his lover's chest, angling his neck to allow James better access. “I...” Stephen's voice trailed off, how could he have this conversation with James without losing? His lover was bloody skilled with his tongue... in more ways than one. James' sigh sent warm air to caress Stephen’s neck and sent shivers of arousal down his back.
“You went to Ms Irwin's funeral.”
Stephen spun around to face James and opened his mouth before closing it, of course James would know what he'd been up to. “Spying on me?” Stephen almost winced at the accusatory edge his question had.
“Quite.” James pressed a chaste kiss to Stephen's lips before continuing, “You think keeping the anomalies secret is the wrong thing to do. Whereas, I know it is the right decision.” He raised a hand when Stephen opened his mouth to argue with him. “I also know you've tried to have this conversation with Cutter. Shall we sit down and discuss this issue like adults?”
Stephen nodded, even though he doubted he'd convince James to change his mind. “And if I do convince you?”
“In the unlikely event that you convince me,” James paused in thought for a moment before he sighed, “I will tell the minister I have reconsidered my objection to informing the public about the anomalies.”
“Thank you.”
“You haven't convinced me.”
“Yet.”
James narrowed his eyes at Stephen. “I think we will have some ground rules. The main one is that there will be no distractions attempted, by which, Stephen, I mean no playing with yourself.” He chuckled at Stephen's pout. “Consider this a meeting at the office, where...” James' voice trailed off as he considered just what he and Stephen had got up to at the office.
Stephen grinned knowingly before raising his fingers, “Scouts honour.”
“Were you even a scout?”
“Yes,” Stephen nodded, “well, until I got thrown out.”
“I...” James shook his head. “I don't want to know, do I?” When Stephen shrugged, James nodded, “Quite. You can start, Stephen. Why should we tell the public about the anomalies?”
Stephen took his time to think, where should he start... Valerie, she had been the latest casualty and the reason for his current soul searching. “Valerie.” He paused and licked his lips as he considered his next words. “If we'd told her what we were really doing at the park instead of lying to her, she could have helped us. She knew where the smilodon was, we could have caught it without anyone dying.”
James sighed softly. “I know that is what you want to believe, but, she wouldn't have helped us.”
“She only wanted to protect her pet, James.”
“I know, but look at what she did. She knew the cat was dangerous but she didn't even try to stop it. It killed her boyfriend, for god's sake, Stephen, and did she report it or secure the creature somewhere safe? No, she covered it up by burying the body and letting his family think he'd run off somewhere, that he was still alive.”
Stephen sighed, that was a hard fact to reconcile with what he knew - thought he'd known - about Valerie. “She said her boyfriend got between the cat and its food. That it was an accident and she was afraid the cat would have been killed for it.”
“Perhaps.” James steepled his fingers, “however, she also knew, or at least suspected, that her creature was responsible for killing the paintballer but still didn't tell us, which makes her totally responsible for the death of her own manager. She distracted you at the station to allow her 'pet' to escape. She left everyone in danger and even set the beast on Cutter. Not exactly the actions of someone who would listen to reason. From what I understand, Ms Irwin was convinced the beast was some kind of genetic experiment. She was a conspiracy theorist, Stephen, and they never listen to any truth that doesn't agree with their own version of it.”
Stephen reluctantly nodded. When James put it like that, Valerie hadn't been the most stable of people. His eyes widened slightly as he recalled the night he'd given her a lift, how he'd told her things that, in hindsight, had probably served to convince her that she needed to protect the smilodon from them. Fuck, it was his fault she'd turned against them and set the beast on Cutter, almost killing him.
“Stephen?”
Stephen looked up to meet James' concerned eyes. “I...” He dropped his eyes from his lover's gaze. “I think I might have implied to Valerie we were responsible.”
“How?”
“I was frustrated at Nick's refusal to talk about it and I might have let those frustrations boil over when I was with Valerie.”
“Ah,” James nodded, “and you think that convinced Ms Irwin that we were the enemy?”
“I don't know.” Stephen sighed softly. “Maybe. I killed her.”
“No!” James was out of his chair and beside Stephen, “Ms Irwin's own hubris killed her. She thought the smilodon saw her as its mother, that it wouldn't attack her and she was wrong.”
“Maybe.”
James sighed and pulled Stephen against him, carding his fingers through his hair and kissing the nape of his neck.
It felt nice and Stephen snuggled against James before he remembered what they were supposed to be doing. “Hey! No distractions!”
“I was comforting you, but have it your own way.” James snorted and pressed one final kiss against Stephen's skin before rising and sauntering over to his armchair. “Your next point?”
Stephen could only stare at James for a moment as his brain refused to work, finally, as his lover grinned at him, Stephen shook his head to clear it. “Right.” What the hell was his next point? He just couldn't think of anything except James' comment about conspiracies? That and James' arse. Stephen shook his head, if he was going to have any chance of winning this discussion, he needed to concentrate. What else could he use to persuade James... of course.
“Tom and Duncan.”
“Who?”
“Connor's friends. The ones from when we encountered the dodos.”
“Really? Those two are your next reason to inform the public?”
Stephen nodded, wondering if they weren't such a good choice or if James was trying to dissuade him from a good idea. “Yes, them. They were curious because of all the secrecy. If we'd told everyone about the anomalies, they wouldn't have followed Connor or stolen the dodo. Tom wouldn't have been infected or threatened Abby. Connor wouldn't have lost his friends - do you know he almost quit, only Nick talked him out of it.”
“More conspiracy nuts, Stephen. I've read the report, Tom thought it was aliens and mind control. Telling them about the anomalies wouldn't have changed anything as they wouldn't have believed it was the truth. They followed Connor because they thought they were onto something and then saw a way to make money from it. Do I need to remind you about their so-called prank?”
Stephen shivered as he recalled that time, just before he'd been poisoned by the arthropleura. “They were just kids, James.”
“Precisely. Kids without the faintest idea of the danger of their actions or their own mortality. How many people could have died through their actions? Not only Abby, but the doctor Tom bit. Everyone else he could have infected?”
James obviously wasn't convinced by that argument and Stephen tried to think of something to convince him to re-think his policy on secrecy. Maybe... “What about the future predators at Wellington Zoo.”
“What about them?”
“How many people died because we didn't warn them about them? Abby's manager for one.”
James shook his head. “For most of those deaths, we were in the dark about the presence of the predators. Even if we had known, broadcasting their presence would have only caused panic and chaos, with people jumping at shadows. Our own highly trained troops didn't fare well against them, just think of the carnage if some 'hero' had decided to take them on.”
Stephen swallowed as he remembered that dark time. Helen had returned and destroyed his friendship with Nick, but even worse had been the injuries suffered by the Special Forces, it had been a miracle that Ryan had recovered to remain the head of security at the ARC. “Whatever I come up with, you've already thought of, haven't you?”
“Probably,” James smiled, “after all, it is part of my job to think of all possibilities.”
“Is there anything that would make you change your mind?” Stephen asked as he patted the settee beside him.
James snorted and moved back to sit beside Stephen, pulling his lover against his chest. “Ever eager, aren't you?”
“As you well know.” Stephen squirmed back against James, smiling at the moan his lover uttered. “However, you haven't answered my question.”
“Cocktease,” James murmured affectionately. “But to answer your question, I believe it is too dangerous for the public to know the truth, Stephen, and not just from the anomalies or the creatures they expel into our time.”
“Oh?”
“People pay to hunt endangered animals, not to mention poachers killing for ivory. Think what they'd do with all of time to explore and hunt in, killing indiscriminately.”
Stephen snuggled against James and nodded. “I had thought of that, but it wouldn't have done my argument much good, would it?”
James chuckled. “Not really.”
“I really do think people should know, James.”
“I know, you see the best in people, Stephen. I... I have learned to see the worst. People are greedy and selfish. You might save the odd life here and there by telling people the truth, but I think the risk outweighs any benefit. Teenagers daring each other to go through anomalies, poachers, greedy businesses after resources to plunder. It would be a disaster.”
Stephen sighed. “I suppose so.”
James pressed a kiss against Stephen's hair. “I won't say I will never change my mind, Stephen, but at the moment, people just can't be trusted with the truth. It is just too dangerous.” He paused for a moment before adding, “And I'll tell you something else that is dangerous.”
“About the anomalies?”
“In a way. This rift between you and Cutter has to stop. It is harming the operational capabilities of the ARC and endangering the field team.”
Stephen nodded. “I know. I was thinking...”
“Are you going to finish that sentence?”
Stephen sighed. “You need Nick, but I'm replaceable as a tracker.”
“No!” James barked, his hand gripping Stephen's arm. “You are essential to the ARC.”
“Because I'm your lover?” Stephen tried to pull free of James' arms.
“No, Stephen, not just because of that. Before all of this happened, you were the only one who could talk any sense into Cutter.”
“He won't listen to me now, James. He's stubborn and well, he's right. I betrayed him. How can he ever trust me again?” Stephen sighed softly and turned to look James in the eye. “How can you?”
James smiled and tugged Stephen in for a kiss. “Because I know it was a mistake and one that you aren't likely to repeat.”
“Fuck no!”
“Good to hear,” James smiled at Stephen's forceful response before his expression became serious. “Yes, you shouldn't have slept with Helen, it was wrong.” When Stephen hung his head, James nudged his lover's chin until he met James' gaze. “However, Helen is far more responsible for what happened than you were. She was your tutor, in a position of in loco parentis. She wasn't supposed to seduce you, Stephen, she was supposed to look after your best interests.”
“I didn't exactly resist.”
“Assuming she was as well-endowed then as she is now, I doubt any hot-blooded young man who liked women would have. Actually, I'd be surprised if you were her only victim.” James looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. “I fell for someone like her at university, albeit another student. She turned my head with her feminine wiles and made me think I was the most important person in the whole world.” James shook his head. “I was a fool, she was only after my ideas, stealing them to present as her own work.”
“What happened?”
“It is not my youthful indiscretions we are trying to deal with, Stephen, but yours.”
“Spoilsport.”
“Don't pout.” James settled back into the settee. “My point is, everyone makes mistakes when they are young. I'd be surprised if Cutter hadn't made any, apart from marrying that harpy, Helen.”
“I don't see how that helps.” Stephen shook his head. “And it's not only that I slept with Helen, but I kept it secret for years. I think that is what hurts Nick the most, that I said I was his friend but it was a friendship built on lies.”
“Why didn't you tell him?”
Stephen sighed. “I didn't know Nick back then. Helen told me he was never home and when he was they just had blazing rows. That they weren't even really together but just hadn't got around to selling the house. That he didn't care about her and I, fool that I was, believed her.”
“Go on.”
“When she disappeared I just wanted to know what had happened to her. I went around to their house and found Nick drunk and sobbing and so broken... and I knew Helen had lied about their relationship. I felt so bad, James, I just had to look after Nick, he was so stinking drunk that I had to make sure he didn't die in the night.”
“And it continued from there?” James asked quietly.
Stephen nodded. “It took time, but slowly Nick pulled himself together and, well, he thought I was his friend. The more I got to know Nick, the more I wanted to admit the truth but... I was afraid it would break him again and, well, by then he had become a friend, a mentor.”
“All that Helen was supposed to have been?”
“Yes. As the years passed and Helen didn't reappear, I convinced myself that mentioning the affair would just be raking up old hurts, that it was better to just ignore it as if it had never happened.”
James looked thoughtful. “It probably would have been better to tell him the truth years ago, but I doubt he'd have accepted you as his friend afterwards.” He smiled. “More likely Cutter would have taken a swing at you. From what you've said, Cutter needed a friend more than the truth back then.”
“Nick doesn't see it that way and I don't blame him.”
“That would be because he's a stubborn fool.” James rubbed his lower lip thoughtfully. “Which leaves us with the problem of how to reconcile you and Cutter.”
“It's impossible, he'll never forgive me.”
“I never took you for a quitter, Stephen.” James squeezed Stephen's hand. “Do you really think Nicholas Cutter is a match for me?”
“No, I think you're even more stubborn than Nick is,” Stephen said with a smile, “and far more devious.”
“Stroking my ego isn't going to get you out of this conversation.” James steeped his fingers and quirked an eyebrow at Stephen. “Now, have you any ideas of how to deal with one Professor Nick Cutter?”
Stephen shook his head. “I've tried to talk to him about it. All he says is to forget it, that it is in the past and there is nothing to talk about but he hasn't forgotten about it. I can see it in his eyes, the disgust and mistrust whenever he remembers what I did.”
“Anything else?”
Stephen raised his hands in exasperation. “What else can I do? Nick won't talk to me, he doesn't even want to be in the same room as me. You've seen him when we have meetings, he can't sit far enough away from me.”
James sighed softly. “It won't be easy, but nothing worth doing is.”
“Well, do you have any ideas?” When James quirked an imperious eyebrow at him, Stephen added, “Sorry. I just... I can't see a way forward. As you say, the current situation is dangerous and it can't continue. The only choice I can see is that I leave the ARC.”
“And I've already told you that is unacceptable.” James sighed softly. “We will find a way to convince Cutter. I will not lose either of you or anyone else to this childish behaviour. You will talk to each other and clear the air, even if I have to lock you both in a room until you do.”
“And referee our fight?”
James gave a mock shudder. “Preferably not, however, if needs must.”
“My hero,” Stephen turned and kissed James before standing up and holding a hand out to his lover. “I think I should reward you.”
James smiled and took Stephen's hand. “I think that sounds an excellent idea.”
Author: knitekat
Word Count: ~3170
Characters: James Lester/Stephen Hart
Rating: 12
Disclaimer: Primeval belongs to Impossible Pictures. Certainly not me. Writing for fun and will replace.
A/N01: A fic for Luka from her prompt: Lester/Stephen - Right and wrong. The boys talk, set after 2.3. Hope you like it.
A/N02: Thanks go to fififole for the beta, cheers m'dear. Any remaining mistakes are my own.
Stephen lifted the bottle of beer to his lips before putting it down untouched. All he could think of was the raw grief he'd witnessed earlier that day at the funeral. A funeral that should never have happened. He'd stood at the back, feeling like he was an intruder and maybe he was as he hadn't known Valerie. He'd been unable to save her, even though they were supposed to save people. At least, that was what he always thought they'd been doing.
He sighed. Maybe he should just leave and start again somewhere else. Nick didn't trust him, not that Stephen could blame him, but Nick wouldn't even let him try and explain, to apologise and beg for forgiveness.
Stephen shook his head, where would he go and how could he just leave? He was the only one who thought people had the right to know the truth. If Valerie had known the truth, if he'd only told her what was really happening, she might still be alive and her mother wouldn't have collapsed... but Nick was a stubborn Scot who wouldn't budge his position no matter what and... he also knew James didn't agree with telling the public anything.
“Penny for them?” James asked, wrapping his arms around Stephen and nuzzling his neck.
Stephen leaned back against his lover's chest, angling his neck to allow James better access. “I...” Stephen's voice trailed off, how could he have this conversation with James without losing? His lover was bloody skilled with his tongue... in more ways than one. James' sigh sent warm air to caress Stephen’s neck and sent shivers of arousal down his back.
“You went to Ms Irwin's funeral.”
Stephen spun around to face James and opened his mouth before closing it, of course James would know what he'd been up to. “Spying on me?” Stephen almost winced at the accusatory edge his question had.
“Quite.” James pressed a chaste kiss to Stephen's lips before continuing, “You think keeping the anomalies secret is the wrong thing to do. Whereas, I know it is the right decision.” He raised a hand when Stephen opened his mouth to argue with him. “I also know you've tried to have this conversation with Cutter. Shall we sit down and discuss this issue like adults?”
Stephen nodded, even though he doubted he'd convince James to change his mind. “And if I do convince you?”
“In the unlikely event that you convince me,” James paused in thought for a moment before he sighed, “I will tell the minister I have reconsidered my objection to informing the public about the anomalies.”
“Thank you.”
“You haven't convinced me.”
“Yet.”
James narrowed his eyes at Stephen. “I think we will have some ground rules. The main one is that there will be no distractions attempted, by which, Stephen, I mean no playing with yourself.” He chuckled at Stephen's pout. “Consider this a meeting at the office, where...” James' voice trailed off as he considered just what he and Stephen had got up to at the office.
Stephen grinned knowingly before raising his fingers, “Scouts honour.”
“Were you even a scout?”
“Yes,” Stephen nodded, “well, until I got thrown out.”
“I...” James shook his head. “I don't want to know, do I?” When Stephen shrugged, James nodded, “Quite. You can start, Stephen. Why should we tell the public about the anomalies?”
Stephen took his time to think, where should he start... Valerie, she had been the latest casualty and the reason for his current soul searching. “Valerie.” He paused and licked his lips as he considered his next words. “If we'd told her what we were really doing at the park instead of lying to her, she could have helped us. She knew where the smilodon was, we could have caught it without anyone dying.”
James sighed softly. “I know that is what you want to believe, but, she wouldn't have helped us.”
“She only wanted to protect her pet, James.”
“I know, but look at what she did. She knew the cat was dangerous but she didn't even try to stop it. It killed her boyfriend, for god's sake, Stephen, and did she report it or secure the creature somewhere safe? No, she covered it up by burying the body and letting his family think he'd run off somewhere, that he was still alive.”
Stephen sighed, that was a hard fact to reconcile with what he knew - thought he'd known - about Valerie. “She said her boyfriend got between the cat and its food. That it was an accident and she was afraid the cat would have been killed for it.”
“Perhaps.” James steepled his fingers, “however, she also knew, or at least suspected, that her creature was responsible for killing the paintballer but still didn't tell us, which makes her totally responsible for the death of her own manager. She distracted you at the station to allow her 'pet' to escape. She left everyone in danger and even set the beast on Cutter. Not exactly the actions of someone who would listen to reason. From what I understand, Ms Irwin was convinced the beast was some kind of genetic experiment. She was a conspiracy theorist, Stephen, and they never listen to any truth that doesn't agree with their own version of it.”
Stephen reluctantly nodded. When James put it like that, Valerie hadn't been the most stable of people. His eyes widened slightly as he recalled the night he'd given her a lift, how he'd told her things that, in hindsight, had probably served to convince her that she needed to protect the smilodon from them. Fuck, it was his fault she'd turned against them and set the beast on Cutter, almost killing him.
“Stephen?”
Stephen looked up to meet James' concerned eyes. “I...” He dropped his eyes from his lover's gaze. “I think I might have implied to Valerie we were responsible.”
“How?”
“I was frustrated at Nick's refusal to talk about it and I might have let those frustrations boil over when I was with Valerie.”
“Ah,” James nodded, “and you think that convinced Ms Irwin that we were the enemy?”
“I don't know.” Stephen sighed softly. “Maybe. I killed her.”
“No!” James was out of his chair and beside Stephen, “Ms Irwin's own hubris killed her. She thought the smilodon saw her as its mother, that it wouldn't attack her and she was wrong.”
“Maybe.”
James sighed and pulled Stephen against him, carding his fingers through his hair and kissing the nape of his neck.
It felt nice and Stephen snuggled against James before he remembered what they were supposed to be doing. “Hey! No distractions!”
“I was comforting you, but have it your own way.” James snorted and pressed one final kiss against Stephen's skin before rising and sauntering over to his armchair. “Your next point?”
Stephen could only stare at James for a moment as his brain refused to work, finally, as his lover grinned at him, Stephen shook his head to clear it. “Right.” What the hell was his next point? He just couldn't think of anything except James' comment about conspiracies? That and James' arse. Stephen shook his head, if he was going to have any chance of winning this discussion, he needed to concentrate. What else could he use to persuade James... of course.
“Tom and Duncan.”
“Who?”
“Connor's friends. The ones from when we encountered the dodos.”
“Really? Those two are your next reason to inform the public?”
Stephen nodded, wondering if they weren't such a good choice or if James was trying to dissuade him from a good idea. “Yes, them. They were curious because of all the secrecy. If we'd told everyone about the anomalies, they wouldn't have followed Connor or stolen the dodo. Tom wouldn't have been infected or threatened Abby. Connor wouldn't have lost his friends - do you know he almost quit, only Nick talked him out of it.”
“More conspiracy nuts, Stephen. I've read the report, Tom thought it was aliens and mind control. Telling them about the anomalies wouldn't have changed anything as they wouldn't have believed it was the truth. They followed Connor because they thought they were onto something and then saw a way to make money from it. Do I need to remind you about their so-called prank?”
Stephen shivered as he recalled that time, just before he'd been poisoned by the arthropleura. “They were just kids, James.”
“Precisely. Kids without the faintest idea of the danger of their actions or their own mortality. How many people could have died through their actions? Not only Abby, but the doctor Tom bit. Everyone else he could have infected?”
James obviously wasn't convinced by that argument and Stephen tried to think of something to convince him to re-think his policy on secrecy. Maybe... “What about the future predators at Wellington Zoo.”
“What about them?”
“How many people died because we didn't warn them about them? Abby's manager for one.”
James shook his head. “For most of those deaths, we were in the dark about the presence of the predators. Even if we had known, broadcasting their presence would have only caused panic and chaos, with people jumping at shadows. Our own highly trained troops didn't fare well against them, just think of the carnage if some 'hero' had decided to take them on.”
Stephen swallowed as he remembered that dark time. Helen had returned and destroyed his friendship with Nick, but even worse had been the injuries suffered by the Special Forces, it had been a miracle that Ryan had recovered to remain the head of security at the ARC. “Whatever I come up with, you've already thought of, haven't you?”
“Probably,” James smiled, “after all, it is part of my job to think of all possibilities.”
“Is there anything that would make you change your mind?” Stephen asked as he patted the settee beside him.
James snorted and moved back to sit beside Stephen, pulling his lover against his chest. “Ever eager, aren't you?”
“As you well know.” Stephen squirmed back against James, smiling at the moan his lover uttered. “However, you haven't answered my question.”
“Cocktease,” James murmured affectionately. “But to answer your question, I believe it is too dangerous for the public to know the truth, Stephen, and not just from the anomalies or the creatures they expel into our time.”
“Oh?”
“People pay to hunt endangered animals, not to mention poachers killing for ivory. Think what they'd do with all of time to explore and hunt in, killing indiscriminately.”
Stephen snuggled against James and nodded. “I had thought of that, but it wouldn't have done my argument much good, would it?”
James chuckled. “Not really.”
“I really do think people should know, James.”
“I know, you see the best in people, Stephen. I... I have learned to see the worst. People are greedy and selfish. You might save the odd life here and there by telling people the truth, but I think the risk outweighs any benefit. Teenagers daring each other to go through anomalies, poachers, greedy businesses after resources to plunder. It would be a disaster.”
Stephen sighed. “I suppose so.”
James pressed a kiss against Stephen's hair. “I won't say I will never change my mind, Stephen, but at the moment, people just can't be trusted with the truth. It is just too dangerous.” He paused for a moment before adding, “And I'll tell you something else that is dangerous.”
“About the anomalies?”
“In a way. This rift between you and Cutter has to stop. It is harming the operational capabilities of the ARC and endangering the field team.”
Stephen nodded. “I know. I was thinking...”
“Are you going to finish that sentence?”
Stephen sighed. “You need Nick, but I'm replaceable as a tracker.”
“No!” James barked, his hand gripping Stephen's arm. “You are essential to the ARC.”
“Because I'm your lover?” Stephen tried to pull free of James' arms.
“No, Stephen, not just because of that. Before all of this happened, you were the only one who could talk any sense into Cutter.”
“He won't listen to me now, James. He's stubborn and well, he's right. I betrayed him. How can he ever trust me again?” Stephen sighed softly and turned to look James in the eye. “How can you?”
James smiled and tugged Stephen in for a kiss. “Because I know it was a mistake and one that you aren't likely to repeat.”
“Fuck no!”
“Good to hear,” James smiled at Stephen's forceful response before his expression became serious. “Yes, you shouldn't have slept with Helen, it was wrong.” When Stephen hung his head, James nudged his lover's chin until he met James' gaze. “However, Helen is far more responsible for what happened than you were. She was your tutor, in a position of in loco parentis. She wasn't supposed to seduce you, Stephen, she was supposed to look after your best interests.”
“I didn't exactly resist.”
“Assuming she was as well-endowed then as she is now, I doubt any hot-blooded young man who liked women would have. Actually, I'd be surprised if you were her only victim.” James looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding. “I fell for someone like her at university, albeit another student. She turned my head with her feminine wiles and made me think I was the most important person in the whole world.” James shook his head. “I was a fool, she was only after my ideas, stealing them to present as her own work.”
“What happened?”
“It is not my youthful indiscretions we are trying to deal with, Stephen, but yours.”
“Spoilsport.”
“Don't pout.” James settled back into the settee. “My point is, everyone makes mistakes when they are young. I'd be surprised if Cutter hadn't made any, apart from marrying that harpy, Helen.”
“I don't see how that helps.” Stephen shook his head. “And it's not only that I slept with Helen, but I kept it secret for years. I think that is what hurts Nick the most, that I said I was his friend but it was a friendship built on lies.”
“Why didn't you tell him?”
Stephen sighed. “I didn't know Nick back then. Helen told me he was never home and when he was they just had blazing rows. That they weren't even really together but just hadn't got around to selling the house. That he didn't care about her and I, fool that I was, believed her.”
“Go on.”
“When she disappeared I just wanted to know what had happened to her. I went around to their house and found Nick drunk and sobbing and so broken... and I knew Helen had lied about their relationship. I felt so bad, James, I just had to look after Nick, he was so stinking drunk that I had to make sure he didn't die in the night.”
“And it continued from there?” James asked quietly.
Stephen nodded. “It took time, but slowly Nick pulled himself together and, well, he thought I was his friend. The more I got to know Nick, the more I wanted to admit the truth but... I was afraid it would break him again and, well, by then he had become a friend, a mentor.”
“All that Helen was supposed to have been?”
“Yes. As the years passed and Helen didn't reappear, I convinced myself that mentioning the affair would just be raking up old hurts, that it was better to just ignore it as if it had never happened.”
James looked thoughtful. “It probably would have been better to tell him the truth years ago, but I doubt he'd have accepted you as his friend afterwards.” He smiled. “More likely Cutter would have taken a swing at you. From what you've said, Cutter needed a friend more than the truth back then.”
“Nick doesn't see it that way and I don't blame him.”
“That would be because he's a stubborn fool.” James rubbed his lower lip thoughtfully. “Which leaves us with the problem of how to reconcile you and Cutter.”
“It's impossible, he'll never forgive me.”
“I never took you for a quitter, Stephen.” James squeezed Stephen's hand. “Do you really think Nicholas Cutter is a match for me?”
“No, I think you're even more stubborn than Nick is,” Stephen said with a smile, “and far more devious.”
“Stroking my ego isn't going to get you out of this conversation.” James steeped his fingers and quirked an eyebrow at Stephen. “Now, have you any ideas of how to deal with one Professor Nick Cutter?”
Stephen shook his head. “I've tried to talk to him about it. All he says is to forget it, that it is in the past and there is nothing to talk about but he hasn't forgotten about it. I can see it in his eyes, the disgust and mistrust whenever he remembers what I did.”
“Anything else?”
Stephen raised his hands in exasperation. “What else can I do? Nick won't talk to me, he doesn't even want to be in the same room as me. You've seen him when we have meetings, he can't sit far enough away from me.”
James sighed softly. “It won't be easy, but nothing worth doing is.”
“Well, do you have any ideas?” When James quirked an imperious eyebrow at him, Stephen added, “Sorry. I just... I can't see a way forward. As you say, the current situation is dangerous and it can't continue. The only choice I can see is that I leave the ARC.”
“And I've already told you that is unacceptable.” James sighed softly. “We will find a way to convince Cutter. I will not lose either of you or anyone else to this childish behaviour. You will talk to each other and clear the air, even if I have to lock you both in a room until you do.”
“And referee our fight?”
James gave a mock shudder. “Preferably not, however, if needs must.”
“My hero,” Stephen turned and kissed James before standing up and holding a hand out to his lover. “I think I should reward you.”
James smiled and took Stephen's hand. “I think that sounds an excellent idea.”