A Little White Lie: Part 10
Title: A Little White Lie - part 10/?
Author: signcherie
Rating: T for this chapter
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke
Spoilers: middle of act two, Anders romance
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
Beta'd by the fabulous Aphreal.
crossposting to swooping_is_bad
If you missed the beginning, you can find previous chapters here.
And the whole thing on the kink meme.
When their business was concluded and they stood outside the keep, Hawke turned to her friends. “I’ve got some things to take care of,” she said. “I’m sure you three are busy and everything. I don’t want to keep you.”
Varric frowned at her. “Don’t you want us to come along? You got us all out here.”
“No, that’s quite all right. I...can take care of this by myself.”
“You’re going to Darktown, aren’t you?” Isabela said with a grin.
“I...yes, as it happens, I did plan to...”
“Well, that’s all right,” the pirate said cheerily. “We’ll come with you.”
Varric looked back and forth between the two of them, an eyebrow raised.
“What’s happening in Darktown?” Merrill asked. “Is it something important?”
“Shh, Daisy,” Varric hushed her.
“That’s all right,” Hawke insisted, feeling her cheeks get warm. “I can manage on my own.”
“Oh, we don’t mind,” Isabela said. “We’d love to come.”
Hawke glared at Isabela. “Fine,” she retorted, “but you’re waiting outside.”
-----
It was a good thing the clinic was slow today, because Anders’s mind was only half on his work.
He hadn’t wanted to leave Hawke’s mansion that morning. It was like walking out of a dream. Waking up to the comfort and luxury of Hawke’s bed, Anders wasn’t completely sure he’d actually left the Fade. When he’d convinced himself that he was truly awake, he’d gotten dressed and gone in search of Hawke.
She’d been sleeping on the library sofa, her legs curled up underneath her. In sleep, she looked almost childlike-which was not a word he would have ever used to describe Hawke. Slumber had smoothed all the little lines of worry or stress, and she looked peaceful. The selfish part of him wanted to wake her up so he could talk with her before he left, but he knew he couldn’t. He’d taken advantage of her kindness too much already.
So he’d gone back to her room, taken a piece of stationary from her desk, and written her a note explaining where he’d gone. He’d crumpled up three versions before coming up with one he wasn’t embarrassed to leave. It was too easy to gush over what Autumn had done for him.
Anders ran a hand down his face. He’d messed up. Royally. He should never have let last night happen.
He couldn’t stop replaying it in his mind--the tender, caring way Autumn had tended to him, the feel of her gentle hands on his skin, the heat of her gaze....
He loved her so much it ached.
Nothing had changed. He was still an abomination, still a fugitive apostate. He would put her in danger. He couldn’t offer her what she deserved.
But his willpower had run out. The last of it had melted away at the touch of her kindness, and he had nothing left to resist her with.
Someone thrust a sandwich and a large flask into his hands. He looked up at his assistant’s face.
“Eat some lunch,” the man said. “You need to take care of yourself. We need you here.”
His assistant had never been quite so forceful about Anders’s health before. The mage nodded, feeling guilty.
The man walked away to check on a patient.
Anders opened the flask and sniffed. Milk. Maybe he would put some out for the cats.
-----
Hawke hesitated in the doorway, searching for Anders. She spotted him kneeling with his back to her.
She was nervous. Maker knew how nervous she was. But when she saw him, she suddenly knew that she could do this. Isabela was right: Anders had been her best friend for the last three years. She knew how to talk to him. She had no reason to be afraid.
With one final glance over her shoulder to make sure that her unwelcome entourage was staying put, Hawke stepped into the clinic and approached the man she loved.
Nothing had changed...and yet, everything had. And things couldn’t continue on the way they were. Not anymore.
-----
Anders heard Hawke approaching. Somehow he knew it was her without even looking. Magic, maybe. His heart started pounding.
If she just didn’t flirt with him...if she just let it pass...maybe, maybe he could hold on to some semblance of restraint. If she’d just let it go...
“What are you doing?”
He took a breath and forced some normalcy into his voice. “Putting out milk,” he said, turning around. “I miss having a cat around. But I think the refugees have scared them all off. Or maybe eaten them.” Andraste’s knickers, what was he talking about?
He scrambled for a different topic. “You know, I’ve been meaning to thank you...”
No, not that. He couldn’t talk about last night. If he did, he would grab her and just start kissing her right here in the middle of the clinic.
The mages. He could talk about that. “You don’t need to stick your neck out for the mages here, but you have,” he said, almost without missing a beat. “You let those apostates from Starkhaven start over. Maybe they can be an example for the world.”
And it was true. She had no idea how much her support for his cause meant to him. She was like a beacon of light, guiding him. He couldn’t trust his own mind, not with Justice’s influence poisoning it, but if Autumn supported him...he knew he had to be on the right track.
Of course, he couldn’t expect anything else. She’d always been devoted to Bethany, and her father had been a mage as well. No doubt she felt she owed it to them to make the world a little safer for all mages, even if neither of them were in danger from the templars anymore.
Autumn’s expression darkened a bit. She met Anders’s eyes with a hint of sadness. “It would kill me to see the templars lock you up,” she said softly.
He looked into her eyes, and he got it.
She was saying she did it for him. Not for Bethany, and not for the ideal of mage freedom-though he knew that both were important to her. But her greatest reason for fighting now...was Anders himself.
So many times, he’d wished that Autumn could love him as much as she loved her family, could be as devoted to him as she was to them. As much as he’d wanted it, he’d never really believed it was possible.
He was wrong. She did care that much about him. She was fighting to protect him.
He was lost. Maker help them both.
He tried to give her one last chance to refuse him, one last chance to get away. “I’ve tried to hold back,” he practically choked. “You saw what I almost did to that girl. You’ve seen what I am. But I’m still a man. You can’t...tease me like this and expect me to resist forever.”
Autumn sighed.
Then she raised an eyebrow in an overly seductive manner. “How long will it take before I drive you mad?” she purred.
At those words, Anders’s resolve snapped. He had no more control.
Without planning to, without thinking at all, his arms were around her. His fingers tangled in her hair. His mouth descended on hers.
Her lips were soft and warm. Anders traced their shape with his tongue, then sucked gently on her bottom lip.
Her lips parted in a small gasp of surprise.
Pleasure curled in Anders’s stomach. He nibbled her bottom lip lightly with his teeth as he’d wanted to for so long and was rewarded with a soft moan.
He couldn’t get enough of her. He drank from her lips again and again, and rejoiced when she responded. Her arms came up around his waist, pulling him closer, pressing her body against his. He couldn’t get close enough.
He never wanted to stop. This was everything he’d ever dreamed it would be, only he never could have dreamed this. She was so warm and pliant in his arms...
Dimly, he remembered where they were. He needed to stop this, now, before he lost all control and ended up making love to her right there in the middle of his clinic.
He pulled back, just a bit, his lips still hovering over hers. He wanted to claim them again with every particle of his being. His eyes opened just enough to see that her cheeks were flushed, her lips parted, her breath coming quickly. Sweet Andraste.
He stepped back before he could do anything else.
-----
Anders kissed her like he was suffocating and she was his air supply. Autumn could only gasp as he ravaged her lips again and again. Wave after wave of pleasure rolled over her, and all she could think was, at last.
She couldn’t believe this was finally happening. For so many years she’d longed for him and believed she could never touch him this way. Now, all those years fell to dust. There was only this, only Anders and the delicious onslaught of sensation that she was helpless to resist.
Too soon, he broke the kiss. Autumn was sure she made some involuntary noise of protest and tried to capture his lips again, but he stepped back. She looked into his eyes and thought they looked rather wild.
“This will be a disaster,” Anders breathed. “But I can’t live without it. We could die tomorrow. I don’t want it to be before I tell you how I feel.”
It took her a few tries to find her voice, and when she did, it was husky. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone,” she said, and it was true. It had always been Anders for her. She needed him to know that.
Anders’s face took on a desperate edge, and his words came tumbling out. “I thought with Justice...this part of me was over. I can’t give you a normal life. If you’re with me, we’ll be hunted, hated. The whole world will be against us.”
She opened her mouth to tell him that it didn’t matter. She was never going to have a normal life, and even if she was, he was worth any sacrifice to her. But he didn’t give her the chance, going on without a pause.
“If your door is open tonight, I will come to you,” he said. There was a hardness in his eyes that she didn’t quite understand. “If not, I’ll know you took my warning at last.”
He turned and walked away from her quickly.
Hawke’s heart was pounding so loudly she felt sure all of Darktown could hear it. She turned to see nearly the whole clinic staring at her, and felt her face grow even hotter than it already was.
She got out of there in a rush.
-----
Isabela was not known for her patience. How long was Hawke going to take in there? If things were going well, she could be in there for quite a while. The pirate tapped her foot and contemplated breaking Hawke’s order and sneaking into the clinic to spy on them.
Then Hawke reappeared. She had a goofy half-smile on her face, and her lips were slightly redder than usual.
Isabela grinned.
Hawke caught sight of the three of them standing there, and her face twisted into a deliberate scowl. She started forward.
“You did it!” Isabela exclaimed.
“Rivaini,” Varric said with a sly grin, “I do believe you’re right.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hawke grumbled. “I need to get home now.”
“Not without some details!” insisted Isabela. “Did Anders start it, or did you?”
"Inquiring minds want to know," Varric said.
“What did Anders and Hawke do?” Merrill piped up.
Isabela put an arm around Hawke’s shoulder. “Merrill, take a good look. This is the look of a woman who’s been kissed within an inch of her life.”
Merrill’s eyes widened. “Really? I wouldn’t have thought she’d be so-frowny.”
“Oh, for-” Hawke began.
“The frown is just for my benefit, kitten. On the inside, she’s skipping.”
“All right, then,” Hawke said loudly. “If you’ve all had enough, I’ve got to get home.”
“But you haven’t told us anything,” Isabela complained. “What did you say to him? Did you use one of your ridiculously forward lines?”
“Isabela!”
“Come now, Hawke,” Varric said. “The more detail you give us, the less I have to make up.”
“You-you’re not going to put this in your story?”
“Of course I am. The tragic, doomed romance is practically a necessity in these tales.”
“What-tragic?”
“Did he use his tongue?” Merrill asked suddenly.
Hawke stared at the elf.
“This is Anders we’re talking about,” Isabela said. “Of course he used his tongue.”
“That’s it,” Hawke said. “I’m out of here. I have to go home and get ready-”
Isabela clapped her hands. “He’s coming back to your house tonight, isn’t he!”
“Goodbye, Isabela,” Hawke said as she stormed off.
“Oh, I definitely want details tomorrow!” Isabela called after her.
Author: signcherie
Rating: T for this chapter
Pairing: Anders/f!Hawke
Spoilers: middle of act two, Anders romance
Summary: Hawke is awkward with men. To get her to loosen up around Anders, Bethany and Isabela tell her that the apostate is only romantically interested...in other men.
Beta'd by the fabulous Aphreal.
crossposting to swooping_is_bad
If you missed the beginning, you can find previous chapters here.
And the whole thing on the kink meme.
When their business was concluded and they stood outside the keep, Hawke turned to her friends. “I’ve got some things to take care of,” she said. “I’m sure you three are busy and everything. I don’t want to keep you.”
Varric frowned at her. “Don’t you want us to come along? You got us all out here.”
“No, that’s quite all right. I...can take care of this by myself.”
“You’re going to Darktown, aren’t you?” Isabela said with a grin.
“I...yes, as it happens, I did plan to...”
“Well, that’s all right,” the pirate said cheerily. “We’ll come with you.”
Varric looked back and forth between the two of them, an eyebrow raised.
“What’s happening in Darktown?” Merrill asked. “Is it something important?”
“Shh, Daisy,” Varric hushed her.
“That’s all right,” Hawke insisted, feeling her cheeks get warm. “I can manage on my own.”
“Oh, we don’t mind,” Isabela said. “We’d love to come.”
Hawke glared at Isabela. “Fine,” she retorted, “but you’re waiting outside.”
-----
It was a good thing the clinic was slow today, because Anders’s mind was only half on his work.
He hadn’t wanted to leave Hawke’s mansion that morning. It was like walking out of a dream. Waking up to the comfort and luxury of Hawke’s bed, Anders wasn’t completely sure he’d actually left the Fade. When he’d convinced himself that he was truly awake, he’d gotten dressed and gone in search of Hawke.
She’d been sleeping on the library sofa, her legs curled up underneath her. In sleep, she looked almost childlike-which was not a word he would have ever used to describe Hawke. Slumber had smoothed all the little lines of worry or stress, and she looked peaceful. The selfish part of him wanted to wake her up so he could talk with her before he left, but he knew he couldn’t. He’d taken advantage of her kindness too much already.
So he’d gone back to her room, taken a piece of stationary from her desk, and written her a note explaining where he’d gone. He’d crumpled up three versions before coming up with one he wasn’t embarrassed to leave. It was too easy to gush over what Autumn had done for him.
Anders ran a hand down his face. He’d messed up. Royally. He should never have let last night happen.
He couldn’t stop replaying it in his mind--the tender, caring way Autumn had tended to him, the feel of her gentle hands on his skin, the heat of her gaze....
He loved her so much it ached.
Nothing had changed. He was still an abomination, still a fugitive apostate. He would put her in danger. He couldn’t offer her what she deserved.
But his willpower had run out. The last of it had melted away at the touch of her kindness, and he had nothing left to resist her with.
Someone thrust a sandwich and a large flask into his hands. He looked up at his assistant’s face.
“Eat some lunch,” the man said. “You need to take care of yourself. We need you here.”
His assistant had never been quite so forceful about Anders’s health before. The mage nodded, feeling guilty.
The man walked away to check on a patient.
Anders opened the flask and sniffed. Milk. Maybe he would put some out for the cats.
-----
Hawke hesitated in the doorway, searching for Anders. She spotted him kneeling with his back to her.
She was nervous. Maker knew how nervous she was. But when she saw him, she suddenly knew that she could do this. Isabela was right: Anders had been her best friend for the last three years. She knew how to talk to him. She had no reason to be afraid.
With one final glance over her shoulder to make sure that her unwelcome entourage was staying put, Hawke stepped into the clinic and approached the man she loved.
Nothing had changed...and yet, everything had. And things couldn’t continue on the way they were. Not anymore.
-----
Anders heard Hawke approaching. Somehow he knew it was her without even looking. Magic, maybe. His heart started pounding.
If she just didn’t flirt with him...if she just let it pass...maybe, maybe he could hold on to some semblance of restraint. If she’d just let it go...
“What are you doing?”
He took a breath and forced some normalcy into his voice. “Putting out milk,” he said, turning around. “I miss having a cat around. But I think the refugees have scared them all off. Or maybe eaten them.” Andraste’s knickers, what was he talking about?
He scrambled for a different topic. “You know, I’ve been meaning to thank you...”
No, not that. He couldn’t talk about last night. If he did, he would grab her and just start kissing her right here in the middle of the clinic.
The mages. He could talk about that. “You don’t need to stick your neck out for the mages here, but you have,” he said, almost without missing a beat. “You let those apostates from Starkhaven start over. Maybe they can be an example for the world.”
And it was true. She had no idea how much her support for his cause meant to him. She was like a beacon of light, guiding him. He couldn’t trust his own mind, not with Justice’s influence poisoning it, but if Autumn supported him...he knew he had to be on the right track.
Of course, he couldn’t expect anything else. She’d always been devoted to Bethany, and her father had been a mage as well. No doubt she felt she owed it to them to make the world a little safer for all mages, even if neither of them were in danger from the templars anymore.
Autumn’s expression darkened a bit. She met Anders’s eyes with a hint of sadness. “It would kill me to see the templars lock you up,” she said softly.
He looked into her eyes, and he got it.
She was saying she did it for him. Not for Bethany, and not for the ideal of mage freedom-though he knew that both were important to her. But her greatest reason for fighting now...was Anders himself.
So many times, he’d wished that Autumn could love him as much as she loved her family, could be as devoted to him as she was to them. As much as he’d wanted it, he’d never really believed it was possible.
He was wrong. She did care that much about him. She was fighting to protect him.
He was lost. Maker help them both.
He tried to give her one last chance to refuse him, one last chance to get away. “I’ve tried to hold back,” he practically choked. “You saw what I almost did to that girl. You’ve seen what I am. But I’m still a man. You can’t...tease me like this and expect me to resist forever.”
Autumn sighed.
Then she raised an eyebrow in an overly seductive manner. “How long will it take before I drive you mad?” she purred.
At those words, Anders’s resolve snapped. He had no more control.
Without planning to, without thinking at all, his arms were around her. His fingers tangled in her hair. His mouth descended on hers.
Her lips were soft and warm. Anders traced their shape with his tongue, then sucked gently on her bottom lip.
Her lips parted in a small gasp of surprise.
Pleasure curled in Anders’s stomach. He nibbled her bottom lip lightly with his teeth as he’d wanted to for so long and was rewarded with a soft moan.
He couldn’t get enough of her. He drank from her lips again and again, and rejoiced when she responded. Her arms came up around his waist, pulling him closer, pressing her body against his. He couldn’t get close enough.
He never wanted to stop. This was everything he’d ever dreamed it would be, only he never could have dreamed this. She was so warm and pliant in his arms...
Dimly, he remembered where they were. He needed to stop this, now, before he lost all control and ended up making love to her right there in the middle of his clinic.
He pulled back, just a bit, his lips still hovering over hers. He wanted to claim them again with every particle of his being. His eyes opened just enough to see that her cheeks were flushed, her lips parted, her breath coming quickly. Sweet Andraste.
He stepped back before he could do anything else.
-----
Anders kissed her like he was suffocating and she was his air supply. Autumn could only gasp as he ravaged her lips again and again. Wave after wave of pleasure rolled over her, and all she could think was, at last.
She couldn’t believe this was finally happening. For so many years she’d longed for him and believed she could never touch him this way. Now, all those years fell to dust. There was only this, only Anders and the delicious onslaught of sensation that she was helpless to resist.
Too soon, he broke the kiss. Autumn was sure she made some involuntary noise of protest and tried to capture his lips again, but he stepped back. She looked into his eyes and thought they looked rather wild.
“This will be a disaster,” Anders breathed. “But I can’t live without it. We could die tomorrow. I don’t want it to be before I tell you how I feel.”
It took her a few tries to find her voice, and when she did, it was husky. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone,” she said, and it was true. It had always been Anders for her. She needed him to know that.
Anders’s face took on a desperate edge, and his words came tumbling out. “I thought with Justice...this part of me was over. I can’t give you a normal life. If you’re with me, we’ll be hunted, hated. The whole world will be against us.”
She opened her mouth to tell him that it didn’t matter. She was never going to have a normal life, and even if she was, he was worth any sacrifice to her. But he didn’t give her the chance, going on without a pause.
“If your door is open tonight, I will come to you,” he said. There was a hardness in his eyes that she didn’t quite understand. “If not, I’ll know you took my warning at last.”
He turned and walked away from her quickly.
Hawke’s heart was pounding so loudly she felt sure all of Darktown could hear it. She turned to see nearly the whole clinic staring at her, and felt her face grow even hotter than it already was.
She got out of there in a rush.
-----
Isabela was not known for her patience. How long was Hawke going to take in there? If things were going well, she could be in there for quite a while. The pirate tapped her foot and contemplated breaking Hawke’s order and sneaking into the clinic to spy on them.
Then Hawke reappeared. She had a goofy half-smile on her face, and her lips were slightly redder than usual.
Isabela grinned.
Hawke caught sight of the three of them standing there, and her face twisted into a deliberate scowl. She started forward.
“You did it!” Isabela exclaimed.
“Rivaini,” Varric said with a sly grin, “I do believe you’re right.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hawke grumbled. “I need to get home now.”
“Not without some details!” insisted Isabela. “Did Anders start it, or did you?”
"Inquiring minds want to know," Varric said.
“What did Anders and Hawke do?” Merrill piped up.
Isabela put an arm around Hawke’s shoulder. “Merrill, take a good look. This is the look of a woman who’s been kissed within an inch of her life.”
Merrill’s eyes widened. “Really? I wouldn’t have thought she’d be so-frowny.”
“Oh, for-” Hawke began.
“The frown is just for my benefit, kitten. On the inside, she’s skipping.”
“All right, then,” Hawke said loudly. “If you’ve all had enough, I’ve got to get home.”
“But you haven’t told us anything,” Isabela complained. “What did you say to him? Did you use one of your ridiculously forward lines?”
“Isabela!”
“Come now, Hawke,” Varric said. “The more detail you give us, the less I have to make up.”
“You-you’re not going to put this in your story?”
“Of course I am. The tragic, doomed romance is practically a necessity in these tales.”
“What-tragic?”
“Did he use his tongue?” Merrill asked suddenly.
Hawke stared at the elf.
“This is Anders we’re talking about,” Isabela said. “Of course he used his tongue.”
“That’s it,” Hawke said. “I’m out of here. I have to go home and get ready-”
Isabela clapped her hands. “He’s coming back to your house tonight, isn’t he!”
“Goodbye, Isabela,” Hawke said as she stormed off.
“Oh, I definitely want details tomorrow!” Isabela called after her.