Fourteeenth Summoning || Voice || With all these things that I've done

[knew_anyway]

[The feed clicks on, and there's nothing but soft breathing for a long moment, before John speaks slowly, painfully.]

...the blame for this event falls solely upon my shoulders. Miss Rei, for all of her involvement, was only following my instruction.

I- I'm sorry. I know that my words don't mean much now, but I'm sorry.

[His voice breaks.

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[Voice]

[marsfireignite]

I was not.

[marsfireignite]

Because I have a powerful shinigami and an angel of the Lord who won't let anyone kill me and while they're not the biggest fans of you, I'm not about to let you die.

[Tiredly, as she focuses on the floor, before she moves her hands to her mouth, steepling her fingers as she stares at a knot on the floor, taking a deep breath.]

I killed one of them.

[It's slightly muffled.]

[knew_anyway]

...You don't have to protect me.

[He sits next to her after a long while, not quite touching, not sure if he should try to physically comfort her. Maybe she needed space. But out of all the people here, Nathaniel was sure that he was the only one who could come close to understanding how she felt.

His eyes lowered slightly.]

They were killing everyone. We had to stop them.

[marsfireignite]

I know I don't, but I'd like to.

[Quietly, but she does glance over at him when he sits down.]

... I know.

[It doesn't make it any easier to bear. But she knows. And she watches him, for a long moment, before she draws in a breath.]

I'm sorry I couldn't stop her.

[knew_anyway]

...Aelia?

[He looks down at his hands for a moment, before shaking his head.]

I shouldn't have dragged you into it. She killed you after, didn't she?

[marsfireignite]

I shot her in the face first.

[There's the tiniest upward quirk of her lips -- a ghost of a smile in his direction.]

[knew_anyway]

I thought so.

[All he hears is the admission- yes Rei died, yes the thing that he summoned killed her, yes it was his fault.]

Why are you- here? Out of everyone, you should hate me the most.

[marsfireignite]

Because... hatred is a waste of time, especially when this was my idea just as much as it was yours.

[She pauses before drawing her legs up underneath her, twisting slightly to face him on the couch, the smile gone in place of a frown, as she watches him.]

I'm not going to hate someone who tried to make this world better. It was a failure -- and I'm still not sure if half of the city is even going to look at me let alone talk to me, but --

[She purses her lips slightly.]

The people that really matter to me still have some amount of faith in me that I'm not a complete and total waste of time. So -- that's enough to make me keep going. Being angry that it happened is only going to slow the progression of healing.

[And she rests her cheek on the side of the couch, tired, but still watching him.]

Right?

[knew_anyway]

[He shakes his head slowly.]

I don't deserve your kindness. I'm not- I try to do things for others and to change things, and this happens. I don't think I'm cut out to be a good person. I can't be like you, like Kitty- I'm too... too selfish. [There's a pause, and he stands up again, looking up toward the ceiling.]

I summoned the monster that killed you. How can you even- look at me?

[marsfireignite]

[She doesn't move, though she closes her eyes slightly, focusing on the feel of the material of the couch against her cheek, but she kept talking -- calm and passive.]

Nathaniel...

[She lets out a long breath.]

I can feel good in people. And I can feel bad. I would've never done this if I didn't know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, if you were a good person.

[She offers somewhat of a lopsided smile, though her eyes are still half-closed.]

You're handsome, too, that helps in looking at you.

[knew_anyway]

[He stares at her for a moment, stunned into silence, before giving the slightest of smiles back.]

That means a lot to me. I mean- not that- I mean, not that you think I'm attractive, that- that's not important, but the- the other part.

[He sputters, shaking his head.]

I mean, it is important, and I'm glad for it, I just- I.

Thank you.

[marsfireignite]

[She laughs to herself before pushing herself up to sit straight. She still looks pale and like she needs to sleep for about twenty-four hours straight, but there's a tiny bit more life in her cheeks. It's amazing what laughter can do to someone's spirits.]

You're really cute when you bother smiling instead of acting like a forty year old.

[It's really not the time or place to joke around -- or maybe it is. Rei doesn't know. But this is working a lot better than constantly assuring him that it's going to be alright. Because that doesn't work on her, either.]

[knew_anyway]

That's- never really been a priority...

[He's actually flushing, the weight of his predicament forgotten, just for this moment. She always had a way of making things better.]

[marsfireignite]

And when you blush.

[Somewhat informatively.]

[knew_anyway]

[Blushing darker now, turning away.]

You should get some rest.

[marsfireignite]

You're the one that's standing, genius, not me.

[Mildly, as she holds out a hand to gesture at him, entertained.]

Sit down. You look like you're about to start pacing a hole in the floor.