Comments | kneescar: Reality Check

kneescar

Reality Check

Dec 21, 2007 13:55

They’ll pick a Sunday to remember that they have three kids besides the one who convinced them to move into her God forsaken desert of a back yard, and try to catch each of us on the phone. If we speak any more frequently than that, it’s because I called them to ask a question or update them with some tidbits of information about my life or ( Read more... )

health, dad, sad

Comments 10

ironranger1 December 21 2007, 21:12:34 UTC

I can understand all of the emotional rollercoaster your feeling here. I've felt the same way all my life, but I realized one thing that you haven't. I'm happy. Poor, older, and feel like the whole world is beating me down some days, but happy. I have a house now (purchased at 50 nonetheless), I make so-so good money, I have food, a hubby that I love, a dog, and friends, lots of friends.

Just lost both my dad and step-dad the past year. I miss them both, but am surviving though sometimes I just wish they'd call or I could call them. Hang in there. Go hug your hubby, cry if you want to, he'll understand. Then make the changes you think you both need to. If not all at once, then slowly. A little at a time.

Hope this helps some. Hang in there.
Hugs from Minnesota - Semper Fi
- Dan (Ironranger1)

Thanks kneescar December 21 2007, 21:44:40 UTC

Semper Fi
It does help.
I'm sorry about your losses.

texwriterbear December 21 2007, 23:50:01 UTC

Big hugs bud.

(The comment has been removed)

kneescar December 22 2007, 17:17:42 UTC

Thanks for the concern.
I'm hoping they will let him go home today.

djmadadam December 22 2007, 01:34:31 UTC

Your candor and the willingness to be vulnerable in front of your 'friends', your readers shall we say, some of us your real-life friends, continues to enthrall me.

While you have a partner for this, I feel compelled to hold you for a few hours, hug and caress and kiss you and tell you how much you are worth, how lovable and desirable you are. From the bit I know about and have experienced of you, I think very highly of you.

But, it sounds like you need to convince yourself of this. That anyone else can tell you these things in reassurance, their doing so pales in comparison to the importance and effect of the ability to assure yourself that you are worthwhile.

You know what, though? OK, your Dad's health is ailing. Why not go SEE him this holiday? And, while you're there, tell him face-to-face just what you wrote above...

...but I would just like to hear him say, “Gee son, you’re really capable. I guess you’re not quite the idiot we had all resigned to you being.” ... I don’t really know if anything particular is missing ( ( ... )

kneescar December 22 2007, 17:17:12 UTC

Thanks for the input. I know that talking with your parents went badly, and I'm sorry about that ( ... )

djmadadam December 22 2007, 18:29:14 UTC

Thanks, Rob. It appears that you're cognizant of this on more facets of the emotional gemstone than perhaps you put across initially (plus, you have an unwitnessed lifetime that not even 100 consecutive LJ entries can truly reveal to anyone else).

But, unlike the pressure and heat that is needed to create a gemstone of beauty, you allude to the fact that you don't need to place that kind of pressure on yourself. What HAVE you achieved? Considering what I do know and what I have seen for my own eyes, your achievements are solid and diverse. You even say so, even though your lists of achievements are enshrouded in self-criticism and doubt.

I completely identify with the experience of starting projects and not finishing them. I finally threw in a load of laundry; I'm not working right now, so I can get away with wearing the same clothes 2, 3, 4 days in a row at only several hours each day because ~ they're still clean, right? I have a sink of dishes, even, that I should wash, that I NEED to wash, just so I can eat my next meal. I'm ( ... )

It does help to talk to your folks about how you feel bearbarry December 22 2007, 03:41:00 UTC

djmadadam Makes a very good point. You should clear the air with your parents now while they are still here. Mostly I did that with my mother before she died last year, but there a things that I still wish I had told her. Big hugz!

Re: It does help to talk to your folks about how you feel kneescar December 22 2007, 03:48:31 UTC

We just don't talk like that. I have told him a little bit about how I feel, though.

http://kneescar.livejournal.com/71518.html

This post prompted me to edit it and send a letter to my dad with most of the substance in it.
Last June (2006) I spent 3 days hiking, just Dad and I, in the Grand Canyon. For the most part, though we kept the conversation light and pithy.