IBARW: feminism, feelings and privilege

[kmd]

Thanks to the work of women of color online, I finally get the dynamic of white women defending our privilege via (supposedly) feminist values around validating feelings.

Comments

and another one weighs in too.

[delux_vivens]

I have to justify my hurt (and of course, my hurt is never, ever truly justified because it's "all in my head" or I'm "making it up").

Dont forget the part about how we're always just looking for things to be upset about and not beign grateful to the improvements in our lives since the civil rights moevment.

I'm tired of how people think we dont actually feel any pain-- and i'm especially fed up with those women who not only project 'no pain feeling strong black woman' personas on to us, but feel that this bizarre myth is something to envy.

Re: and another one weighs in too.

[kmd]

i'm especially fed up with those women who not only project 'no pain feeling strong black woman' personas on to us, but feel that this bizarre myth is something to envy.

Somebody posted a link recently to blackgirl on mars writing about the ridiculousness of white women expressing envy toward black women for being "exotic" that hit the nail on the head for me. It's this twisted, obscene little reversal where you're doing harm (othering, dehumanizing someone) and then claiming that the pain you just caused is not pain at all but some kind of praise. It's like privilege distillate -- protecting the consciousness of white women from acknowledging not only our privilege but active harm done.

Meh that's too wordy and in my head. It's like slapping someone and then oohing and aahing over the handprint.

Re: a Black woman weighs in

[kmd]

That's an excellent article, thank you.

Tears and anger are continually juxtaposed, aren't they? There's something about that juxtaposition of anger and tears, and how tears are a signal of pain, and a pointer to someone who should be taken care of, and anger is somehow not read as a signal of pain (even though it clearly is) and a pointer to someone who should be avoided rather than taken care of.

The problem is never the racism and sexism I experience - oh, no - it's that I think and feel the wrong way about it. So even as they were "helping" me, they were invalidating me.

Jesus.