>(Blank)< Depressed, upset, emotional and I keep crying.. and no one has to care.. not asking for anyone to give a damn, not being pushy with my emotions or rude or intruding on your happy day.. I hope you all have fabulous days.. I reallly do, but mine isn't fabulous, my last few days have been downright awful. Wish I was at home. I wish I could ( Read more... )

.. before anyone freaks out, listen to me please? So, we could give me ampho every other day for however long it takes until I either go into kidney failure and need a transplant and die, or until the ampho or the valley fever itself kills me. My kidney is ok for now, but Ampho is highly toxic and will cause damage. Also, I puke so much and am in ( Read more... )

Anders is hovering like no other, ugh. See it's bad enough being in the hospital, but after you get out everyone hovers! "how do you feel.." But the most annoying is he woke me up last night, I had just gotten to sleep. Albeit it was only around 9 o'clock. I was tired, sue me. he asked if I felt ok, i said "fine." i kind of snapped it. I slept for ( Read more... )

Crying, just. no words. no words. I'm just, it's like going back to step one. I may not be around. I just miss her, and am in pain and am so fucking scared over how horrible I feel. I want out, god. I want out now. Give me a window and get me out of all this lunacy. I'm ready. I'm ready now. I am so tired of the pain, I am tired of the fight. Why ( Read more... )

So. Here we are again. Me back on my sofa, to tell you all the inner workings of my mind. Well.. ever felt guilty? Bet everyone has, even about stupid things like eating something horribly fattening and probably leading to your early demise. but.. that is not what I'm guilty about. So when I moved out of my parents house I didn't look back, I didn' ( Read more... )

>.> Not today... cause if it's over let it go. I'm so sad.. guys. I am so sad. I miss my baby, and it's just that i want her back. I want what she promised me back. The promise of having a daughter.. a baby who I could know would have it all the first time. Maybe. .Maybe that isn't how life is supposed to be, maybe life isn't supposed to be ( Read more... )

Ok. So heading off on my big adventure.. well it's a vacation. A change. I hope a change of scenery will help me.. and maybe it will. I'm all packed up! Well, packing for me is really sucky because I always forget something. Anyways.. A little bit melancholy.. maybe I'm scared that leaving won't make me happier. DAMN. I can't expect a trip to make ( Read more... )

If I could say only 2 word before I died the two words would be, "be good." or.. as rearea said, "Love you." Just a thought. I think I'm gonna live in my life for a while... and see how well I do. If anything major occurs I'll let y'all know. If something where to happen, you all will know, I just wanna go on my vacations and go to my dog shows and ( Read more... )

The videos we are watching in our worship group is called nooma, now.. rain is one that made a very big impact on me. So, If you'd like to watch it enjoy. :D The video helped me when I needed it most. I cry when I watch it, because I feel like that more than ever right now. Like god has abandoned me.. but really he's holding me. Read more... )

So I'm not sure what's up with life, it's fun, it's exciting, it can make me completely grumpy and utterly exhausted! Today it was just me, Ryan, and Leslie. Which means I sat around a lot and we did a lot watching movies and playing around on the floor. We listened to music danced around. I read a bit of pern mu boards, they make me laugh. Because ( Read more... )