Fic for maya_morning
Title:For Your Eyes Only
By: lonelybusiness
Pairing: Akame
Rating: R
Genre/Warnings: Spy AU (more of a parody, really), adult language, violence, sex.
Prompt (if used): The most ill-regulated memory
Notes: The plot is a very obvious parody of the TV series Burn Notice. Readers don't need to be familiar with the original material to follow this fic, however. For maya_morning and I swear, this whole thing sounded a lot funnier in my head. Still, I hope you like it. <3 Thank you to my betas for doing such a thankless job, you know who you are.
Summary: My name is Kamenashi Kazuya. I used to be a spy.
When a spy has to operate in unfamiliar territory, an established system of protocols is key. A trusted team, reliable covers, even carrying your favorite gun helps. Bottom line is: The moment you start feeling out of your element during a covert ops operation, you're already losing.
"Nakamaru Yuichi is taking too long to arrive at his own party," Kame says under his breath, speaking into the microphone hidden beneath the lapel. He tries to stamp down the beginnings of annoyance by taking a sip of the expensive champagne he's been holding for the better part of an hour and scanning the deck full of people with the practiced indifference of bored, rich man.
Across the room Taguchi is talking up a group of young debutantes, playing his cover--the playboy son of a diplomat--with the enthusiasm of a puppy. Kame rolls his eyes and reminds himself to mock the hell out of Taguchi when the mission is over. The scent of money is almost as strong as the salty ocean air, a glittering tableau on the Hong Kong harbor.
The intercomm buzzes in his ear, Koki's voice coming from the other side. "Alpha to Basecamp, copy that. No visual of his car around the docks, either."
"He must really believe in being fashionably late."
"Rich dudes do like their dramatic entrance. Go on and flirt with some of the ladies there while we're waiting."
"Forget it. I'm not picking up phone numbers for you. Find your own goddamned dates."
"I'll get some for you," Taguchi butts in helpfully.
"Shut up, Greenhorn, I'm not talking to you." Koki sighs dramatically. "Come on, Alpha, it's not like the boat is going to leave without you noticing."
"It's a cruise ship, not a boat."
"That's not what your mom said last night."
Kame's lips twitches; he hears Koki and Taguchi chuckling underneath the static. "Classy."
"Well somebody's gotta distract you from making a fuss about a mark's tardiness. Lighten up, man. You'll blow our operation wide open."
"Not even on my worst day," Kame says with a snort.
His first surveillance operation as a rookie agent in the CIA had a similar setup to this one--Kame has gone through so many identical reconnoiters he's already lost count. The principle is the same every time: stand out enough that you blend with the rest of the preening, social climbing crowd. Throughout the party various men and women have Kame checked out, and he's played the part of the eternally aloof bachelor, someone just a mite unattainable.
"Here we go," Koki says. "Target spotted boarding. This little boatride will begin shortly."
"Remain on standby, Basecamp. Radio silence will begin now."
Kame flicks the comm switch off, then prepares for his performance. All right, then.
The whole crowd is buzzes the minute Nakamaru Yuichi arrives, even the most blase of the lot scrambling to get a closer look at the famed music producer. But Kame and Taguchi are not angling for him - they’re more interested in the mousy secretary behind him. The secretary had agreed to sell highly sensitive surveillance photos implicating his boss in the sale of arms to rogue nations. He even fits the profile of a snitch perfectly, one that the CIA was paying big money to turn. A quick glance tells Kame all about the mark's state of mind--hunched over, fidgety. If they don't get to him soon, Nakamaru's people will start to get suspicious.
Subtle eye signal between them, then Kame watches Taguchi move imperceptibly to his position. Their plan is simple; Taguchi will make a diversion so that Nakamaru and his security gets distracted enough for Kame to fetch the target and usher him into a predetermined room inside the ship. Then they change into their diving suits and wait for Taguchi before jumping off into the almost-freezing water and waiting for Koki and the rest of the team to fetch them. After that, they ship off the secretary into a witness protection program, wherever Nakamaru cannot reach him.
Straightforward operation, nothing they hadn't done before.
Almost an hour passes before Kame sees a chance to get near the target. He is about to signal for Taguchi's diversion when everything starts to deviate from the script.
"Hold on, something's happening," Kame says.
He watches as two burly men grab either side of the target’s arms, closing in around him; the secretary's eyes visibly widen in fear. Dammit. Before Kame can even react, they drag him away from the crush of the party, leading him inside the yacht.
"Shit, I think the target has been compromised. I'm going in pursuit. Basecamp, do you copy?"
"Like hell you are!" Koki barks. "You move one inch and I'm shooting you myself. This mission is terminated. Fall back so we can regroup."
"We don't have time to negotiate this. Valuable state evidence may be getting destroyed at this moment." Even as he's saying this Kame is already following the three below deck, navigating the dark hallways of the ship.
"Don’t you dare disobey orders, Kamenashi. I'm still the head of this operation--"
"Look, just send us backup immediately, okay? Tell Taguchi to stand his ground. I'm moving in."
Kame takes off his earpiece and the sound of Koki screaming expletives at him vanishes completely. He continues walking down a flight of stairs, peering through the darkness with a hand already reaching for his holstered gun.
Then the sound of an explosion above deck rocks the entire ship, catching Kame off guard. Shit, Taguchi might be in the middle of that, he thinks.
Everything seems to happen all at once after that, Kame turning around to run back up when his body jerks violently as strong hands clutch at his shoulders and arms. He tries to maneuver out of this death grip, a thousand panicked thoughts careening through his mind, but a sharp pain at the back of his head--someone just hit him with the butt of a gun, the fucker--startles him and Kame's mind succumbs to the inky blackness.
-
Espionage is not the job for people who want a well-adjusted emotional and professional life. You eat paranoia for breakfast and regurgitate it as duplicity by the end of the day. You can never really count on friends not to betray you. You can't even count on yourself to be the hero all the time.
He wakes up with a throbbing bump at the back of his head and a vague feeling of nausea. It takes him five seconds to remember the reason for the pain, but the moving sensation is more confusing. He pulls himself up to a sitting position and opens his eyes, his sight adjusting from the grogginess. He knows he's been drugged by the way his limbs hang heavily around him but how long he's been unconscious remains a mystery. A day, maybe? If only--
Kame scrambles to peer out of the barrier before him, dread creeping through his chest and clutching at his heart as he looks out at the neon lights surrounding the dock. His hands scramble through the pockets of his ruined tuxedo. It's nighttime in a city he can barely recognize, sitting on a dingy, abandoned boat with nothing but the clothes on him and his cellphone.
Then the phone rings, its loud sound piercing through the silence surrounding Kame.
He pushes a button and brings the phone to his ear. Waiting.
"Good day, Kamenashi-san." A woman speaks from the other line. "I see the drug performed exactly the way we intended. Did you have a satisfying rest?"
"What do you want?"
"Right now, exactly nothing. You have deduced that you are no longer in Hong Kong, am I right? Staying put in Tokyo would be the best recourse for you."
There's hidden steel in that request. It takes all of Kame's years of experience not to shudder in apprehension. "Sending me back to my hometown, hmm? Can't complain about the trip, I guess."
"Surely your friends would be thrilled to see you again."
Kame groans silently. Dammit, he'd forgotten about that. Tokyo is the worst place he could be right now, the city littered with accumulated enemies and pissed off friends. He'll have to get in touch with the CIA soon to get him out, stat.
"Yeah, yeah," Kame says, faking nonchalance. "But they're not really the ones I'm concerned about right now. I’m more interested in, I don't know, strapping barrels of C4 around your headquarters' foundations and detonating them."
"Kamenashi-san-"
"A Japanese operative, am I right? From the Kanto area, but with a passably neutral accent. Your English teacher must be good."
Stiff silence from the other line. Kame continues running his mouth, unsure of what will happen if he actually stops.
"Believe me, now that I've heard your voice, it won’t really take me long to find out who you are and who you work for."
The woman laughs. "Still brilliant as ever, I see. And belligerent. Why don't you call the CIA right now to educate yourself about your situation?"
There's something off in what he's hearing that Kame's reptile brain picks up. He can feel his hackles rising, instinct telling him he's not out of danger yet. "I don’t like playing games, lady. Especially shitty ones like this."
"The big picture scenario will take more time for you to grasp, I’m sure. But don’t worry, we will not be needing you in the immediate future."
The call ends with a beep.
Kame contemplates his options. There's a possibility that these people are orchestrating a trap, forcing Kame to call up Koki or Taguchi to gain access to their communications. But if that was their sole intention, they could have done it successfully beforehand, while Kame was still unconscious.
Well, Kame thinks and punches in the number to the Virginia office. It rings several times before somebody picks it up.
"Central office, Taguchi speaking."
Relief washes over Kame for a second and he takes a deep breath to recollect himself. "Finally. It’s me. Listen, I need you to call the Foreign Affairs--"
"Eh? Kamenashi, is it really you?" Taguchi yelps. "We've been looking for you for five days."
He'd been gone that long? "Yes, it's me. I'm in Tokyo of all places. Something went wrong during the Hong Kong thing, I'm sure you know by now so I need someone to get me on a plane to the US immediately. And put Koki on the line."
There is a pause. Kame is about to snap impatiently at Taguchi when he starts to speak in a flat whispered voice.
"Koki's still at the hospital, Kame. The Hong Kong job."
It's like ice water is flowing through his veins. The explosion? Did Koki go after them when he heard the blast? He mutters under his breath. "Shit. How did that happen?"
"They got hit at the same time the explosion happened. You were there, right? You knew about the explosion?"
"Yes, I heard it, but somebody knocked me cold before I could do anything. How is Koki? Is he alright?
"He just woke up yesterday, I think he'll be fine. But that's not the important part. I--" Taguchi hesitates before barreling on. "I'm recording this conversation and after it's over I'm going to send it to the top brass. Sorry, I just thought you should know."
"Taguchi, please cut the bullshit and tell me everything."
"We've been looking for you since the mission. We thought you were in Prague, but you never went there at all, I guess. Talk around here says anyone who can bring you in will get an automatic promotion."
"Bring me--"
"Intel says you've gone rogue, Kame. You’re blacklisted."
Kame's mouth moves soundlessly for a few moments, searching for something appropriate to say and failing. Then for some unknown reason, Kame begins to laugh. The relative darkness seems to absorb the sound and he laughs some more, the first real emotion that he has been able to show since waking up. So his partner just woke from a coma while he is stranded Tokyo, injured and penniless. And he's been accused of treason.
Shit definitely has hit the fan. He laughs until the sound becomes hollow.
"Tell me what I’m accused of," Kame asks Taguchi.
"Covert ops. Selling classified information. Arms dealing."
"The works, huh? Glad to know people think I’m capable of doing those things when I can’t even fucking do my laundry anymore."
"Kame--"
"I appreciate you telling me. You know you'll get heat from this."
"Well," Taguchi says wryly, "I'm bringing them the first sign of your existence in five days. Nobody knew what to do since you disappeared. They're kind of scared of you."
Kame snorts. "Really?"
"Yeah. They keep visiting Koki at hospital, waiting for you to drop by."
"Okay." Kame takes a deep breath. "Okay. I know saying this won’t really mean much but I haven’t gone rogue."
"I know, Kame."
Regroup, regroup. He needs to pull himself together, reestablish his equilibrium. He’s not some inexperienced rookie to be thrown off by scenarios like this, he thinks. Regroup. "I'm not a traitor and I'm going to prove it, one way or another." He hesitates. "Tell Koki that, okay?"
"Man, Koki never believed it for a minute. He practically bullied us into setting up the command central for your search by his bedside."
"That's comforting." Kame manages to grin as he starts climbing out of the rickety boat, crouching low. His muscles are tense, anticipating any signs of danger.
"So what are you going to do?"
"Listen, don't you guys compromise yourselves for me. I'm going to sort this out for myself." Kame cuts Taguchi off before he can protest. "I think there's a greater game at play here and I don't like it."
"Hey, Kame."
"Yes?"
"Good luck."
Kame feels himself sag a little, the artless gesture taking him by surprise. He scrounges up the last of his bravado to add some levity in his voice. "As if I've ever botched a mission in my life."
-
Resources and contingency measures must be tucked away in every city you might work on, much like the acorns and seeds animals store away for the winter. Firearms are important but other things are just as valuable--weapons, fake IDs, secure laptops, cash. Keep them in a place that is inconspicuous and under heavy lock.
Kame needs a gun, a change of clothes, and a different life, in that order. Hitching a ride is easy--a fisherman's truck takes him all the way to Saitama. He makes up a cover on the fly. A newly employed salary man, he says, his new officemates pulled a prank by leaving him on the dock after he passed out drunk. Kame is appropriately sheepish and embarrassed, bowing his head and flushing.
The old man buys it.
He has not been in his old apartment for three years, since he up and left for Langley and never quite looked back. Hopefully it’s still empty, or at the very least the new owners are away.
He stops in front of the door and knocks. No answer. First good thing that has happened to him today, he thinks wryly. He finds an errant piece of wire and uses it to pick the keyhole, silently thanking his old landlord--that ornery man--who refused to buy newer locks for the building.
The door opens with a subtle click. Pushing through the door, he takes a cautious step inside the apartment, noting the spartan look of the living room. There’s new tenant, then. Acetic or just too busy to remember to buy actual furniture? No photos. New university graduate? Office flunky? Kame’s mind comes up with half a dozen character profiles as he continues walking around. There is something a bit familiar about the entire house, as if the personality of the furniture and knick knacks reveal someone Kame knew somehow.
He chalks it up to nostalgia and his brain looking for familiar things to latch onto.
He strolls into the kitchen and drops on all fours, tapping the wooden floorboards and looking for the single loose one. The new owner has not redecorated, it seems, so the stash must still be there undetected. It has to. Kame’s fingers bump against a board with a slightly elevated corner. He feels around and wriggles the secret latch with steady fingers that belies his desperation. With a jerk, he takes out the floorboard and opens the dark lid beneath it.
A single pistol inside, as well as three magazines. Everything is still where he left it, including the fake passports, the key to a safety deposit box, and some cash. Kame sighs in relief.
"Oh, thank God. I thought you were a burglar."
Kame springs into action in a millisecond, moving towards the source of the voice. Reflexes overtake him--he makes a low swinging kick, taking out the intruder's leg from under him. The loud thud and subsequent groan of pain barely registers in Kame's brain as he launches himself off from the floor, lunging on top of the intruder.
Violent tussle between them, and Kame struggles in alarm as the man begins to overpower him. He is flipped on his back, breath leaving his lungs in a rush as the full weight of his attacker bears down on him. He closes his eyes, preparing for a strike, when he feels a hand brushing away the hair from his forehead.
"Geez, you never let your guard down at all, do you? Did you get the gun?"
His eyes snap open. Either Kame is still drugged in a basement somewhere and this is just part of the brain-addled hallucinations designed to make him go crazy or fate has decided to send him another clusterfuck because looming above him, wearing the infuriatingly smug grin Kame remembers so well, is Akanishi Jin of MI6.
"What are you doing in my apartment? And get off me before I kill you."
"That’s the last time I’ll ever look after your things. I’ve been waiting for you since yesterday. How's the CIA treating you? "
"Fine. How's the Interpol? Successfully conned someone else into sleeping with you this year?"
So they have a little history between them. Three years ago, Kame participated in training with the MI6 in London, for a joint exercise on deep covers.
Jin pouts at him some more. "You'd think it would be natural to forgive me for that by now."
"You were fucking me while doing reconnaissance on me!"
Kame thought it would be a harmless fling, another layer to his cover. Jin introduced himself and seduced Kame while disguised as a foreign exchange student. He can admit to himself that he lost his head for a while, won over by Jin whispering dirty come-ons in his ear with an accent that makes Kame shiver at the memory.
"It was part of the assignment! You would have done the same. And I didn’t reveal any compromising information, I was just observing really closely--"
"The vantage point from my bedroom must've been spectacular then," Kame snarls.
"--And it's not like your superiors didn't know about it. Why the hell would you forgive Koki and not me?"
"I want nothing to do with either of you. Because you are both lunatics."
"You just couldn't believe that I’m smart enough to work for the MI6, admit it."
Kame glares daggers at him. "Let. Me. Up."
Jin pouts. "But you're going to hurt me if I do. I want to help you, Kame."
Instead of responding, Kame lurches his head forward, his forehead striking the bridge of Jin’s nose.
"Ow!" Jin shouts, slowly rolling off Kame before lying on the floor. "You suck. Here I am thinking you'll finally forgive now that I'm helping you--"
"I don't need your help."
"Like hell you don't. Look, everybody knows that you're in Tokyo--"
"Frankly, I don't care who knows. It's my business."
"Yeah, you and the dozens of guns for hire who want to build their own reputations by offing you."
Kame gives him a dirty look but says nothing, knowing what he said is true. Jin's hand reaches out and grasps the back of his neck. He remains stiff for a moment but finally relents, allowing Jin to bring their heads together, foreheads touching.
"Word has been out on you getting blacklisted for days, Kame. Days. And now every arms dealer, drug trafficker, or two-bit criminal that you've managed to piss off throughout your career is coming after you."
It’s so hard to remain resentful when the hand on his neck turns comforting, fingers kneading carefully. Kame's eyelids flutters shut against his will. The kiss starts out tentative, Jin's lips touching his own in short, chaste bursts, testing the waters. Kame leans towards him, snaking his own hand to touch Jin's jaw and bring him closer. They fit, even after years of separation.
Jin breaks the kiss and murmurs against his cheek. "Somebody definitely wants to watch you run while you get hunted down. You have to let me help."
Kame is big on personal vindictiveness, never letting anything become water under the bridge. But perhaps the strain is finally catching up on him because hearing Jin say those words gives him a feeling of reassurance, something strong enough to stave off the desperation he is starting to feel.
The thing with their history--he will have to deal with that later. Right now instinct is taking over, and if having to deal with Jin is the price to pay for his survival, then so be it.
"Okay," he says with a sigh.
"Good choice. Now we just need a plan."
-
When things become desperate and there are no other options, don't be too proud to cash in on old favors. If relationships with useful friends have already soured, grovel. Survival easily trumps pride, especially when your demise is imminent. A principled loser is still a loser. And most likely dead.
They crisscross through Tokyo in Jin's car, looking up every one of Kame’s old assets, but they still come up with nothing. All the responses are variations of the same theme: Sucks that this happened to you, Kamenashi Kazuya. Good luck on not getting killed. Also don't take it personally if one day I collect the bounty on your head, hmm? Nothing personal, you see.
"At least the last one didn't try to shoot us on the spot?" Jin comments as he turns a corner. The car shifts into a slow crawl before parking in front of an inconspicuous apartment outside. "Now it's my turn."
"What makes you think anyone else would even help us?" Kame asks, his voice flat. "The only thing missing from me now is a target sign."
Jin ignores his question and scrambles out of the car instead. He saunters towards the sidewalk and into the building. Kame doesn't follow him immediately, peering up at the rooftops to check for sudden movements.
"What the hell, are you seriously scouting the area for sniper fire? Hurry up!"
Kame jerks and glares at Jin but he runs to catch up with him anyway. The stairs are steep as they climb all the way to the top floor, standing in front of the first apartment door they see. Jin punches the doorbell twice. Picking at his jacket, Kame can feel impatience start to well up inside him as they waiteded.
He looks at Jin and says, "I don't think anyone's home--"
A hand roughly pushes against Kame, compromising his balance and sending him to the floor. He's going to yell at Jin for shoving him like that later, except that they are both looking down the barrel of two machine pistols. Kame reaches for the gun in his back pocket--from the corner of his eye he can see Jin has his already out but Jin's pistol is no match for a machine gun, not at such a close range. A hoarse shout freezes in his throat, his horror pinning him to the ground.
"A glock, really? You come into my domain and you insult me by pointing that toy?"
Kame tears away his eyes from Jin to look at the figure looming over by the doorway. A smirking man about their age still has the machine pistols cocked and trained at both him and Jin. Another man is peeking out from behind him, also holding a gun. But they aren't shooting, which baffles Kame even more.
"Geez, Ryo, don't scare us like that," Jin exclaims as he puts his pistol away.
So fate hasn't given up hurling curveballs at Kame yet.
"Is that him?" The other man pushes past the one Jin is calling Ryo. He crouches down to Kame's eye level and peers up at him. "Hey Jin, he looks too skinny to be CIA. Scruffier too."
"Shut up, he hasn't eaten at all today," Jin says. "Pi, remember the deep shit I was telling you about? Well, it's really deep. Can you help us with stuff?"
"Stuff like what?" Ryo says grouchily. "Don't ask for money, I already paid for dinner last time."
Pi gives him a look before regarding Jin again. "Stuff like what?"
"A little heat, if you know what I mean. Also intel, we need that a lot."
"The next shipment for the big guns isn't until next week, what kind of firepower do you need?"
It takes a lot longer for Kame to put two and two together than he would have under normal circumstances. He narrows his eyes as he takes in the strangers' appearance, going through his catalog of faces and names. Ryo. Pi. Firepower.
Kame stands up suddenly, startling the three. He takes a step towards Jin and hits him in the chest.
"Ow!" Jin yelps. He looks at Kame incredulously.
"We're asking for help from the yakuza? That's your great idea?" Of course, that's what he gets for trusting Jin to bail him out. Of course. What should surprise him is that he didn't immediately recognize Nishikido Ryo and Tomohisa Yamashita. Their mug shots are listed on the CIA database as the leading freelancers operating in Japan right now.
"But they're friends."
"So now you're friends with criminal elements?"
Jin looks at him with hurt eyes, still rubbing the spot where Kame hit him. "You're so judgmental. It's not like I can go to my usual channels to ask for assistance."
"Yeah, spy dude, remember where you are before running your mouth like that."
Kame glares at Nishikido Ryo but keeps his jaw clenched tight, looking away and saying nothing. Just let them go through this whole charade, he thinks, and in the end he'll refuse whatever it is they're offering. He stiffens a little when Jin grabs his elbow to lead him inside the apartment--the very act violates every training lesson he has ever learned. But Jin is persistent and is looking at him with such pleading eyes.
Well, then. If the two mobsters decide to execute them in cold blood, at least he'll get to use Jin as a shield first.
"So talk, Bakanishi," Ryo says. "Tell us the newest way you've fucked up today."
Jin sneers at him before walking over to the kitchen and opening the refrigerator. Moves around like he's completely familiar with the place. He gets two cans of soda and gives one to Kame. "Like I said, we need guns and intel."
Yamapi sits down and address Jin. "Intel about whom, exactly? The spooks? Assassins?" He gives Kame a shifty look, then tries to cover it with nonchalance. "We can't say much if he's here."
"Aw, come on, Pi. These are special circumstances."
"In what way? That the CIA is finally cutting out the middleman and screwing over its own people?" Ryo says.
"Watch it," Kame bites out. Ryo only glares back at him.
"Hey, cut it out." Almost imperceptibly, Jin is moving closer towards Kame, moving his hands in a placating manner. "Christ, you are all such bitches. All we need is to know who has touched ground in Tokyo so far, anyone new and asking around for Kame. The Serbian secessionists?"
"They're in Tokyo and they're after his head."
"What about the heroin cartel?"
"They're also here--"
"Not that heroin cartel. The one from Myanmar."
"Also here," Ryo says through gritted teeth. "Look Jin, Kamenashi Kazuya is blacklisted. The spooks don't do something like that lightly. It doesn't matter if it's a setup or he really is a dirty turncoat. You'll be pissing off a lot of people, so you better be doing this for the right reasons and not because you think the pretty little CIA agent is going to sleep with you again."
"That's it, I'm done here." Kame takes a sharp turn and heads towards the door.
He's already halfway through the hallway when Jin finally reaches him, his hand tightly gripping Kame's arm. "Where are you going? Did you forget that part about a lot of people trying to kill you?"
"Let him go, Jin. It won't be our fault if he ends up floating facedown in Tokyo Bay around this time tomorrow." Ryo says.
"Shut the fuck up, he's not gonna get killed!"
"Believe me, if my triad channels are to be believed, he's a dead man walking."
"Thank you both for discussing things so politely over my corpse but I'm. Not. Dying." Kame takes a deep breath. He is starting to get a little shrill.
Yamapi stands up suddenly, interrupting the rest of Kame's words. "Guys, I think something's going on."
All three of them freeze up at that, and true enough the telltale sound of helicopter propellers can be heard overhead, faint but getting closer. Yamapi and Jin run towards the windows to take a peek at the same time.
"I'm not sure if the helicopter is for us," Yamapi says. "Can't tell who it belongs to, either, but I can feel it in my gut. I've seen this kind of operation before."
"Then the ground unit must not be that far away." Jin returns to Kame's side, panic evident in his eyes. "Shit, Kame."
Kame takes a deep breath. Both hands pressed against his eyes, he wills his brain to come up with a suitable escape plan. All the scenarios he can think of are idiotic at best. Some are just plain suicidal.
"If I can slip out of the building by myself I think I can evade them."
"What?" Jin's asks, his face suddenly dark.
Kame doesn't meet his eyes. "If they tail me as I'm driving out of here, I'm pretty certain I can give them the slip."
"Look, I don't know whatever shitty moral guidelines you keep in the CIA, but you are not going to sacrifice yourself and you better get that into your head. Jesus."
"It's a perfectly valid plan."
Jin glares back at him stubbornly. Kame runs his fingers over his hair in frustration.
"They're here for me. They have no business with any of you."
"Well I've made it my business too, so shut up already."
"Uh, hey guys," Yamapi interjects, a little hesitantly, "About needing our help. Does that still stand?"
Ryo makes a face at him and groans. "Aw, are we really? We just moved into this flat! I hate moving."
Ryo and Yamapi simply look at each other, silent communication running between them. After a minute Ryo sighs in disgust and raises up his hands in surrender before racing towards the bedroom. Yamapi opens what looks like a TV cabinet and reveals a stash of semiautomatics inside. A few minutes later, Ryo joins him with another bag full of guns. The caliber of the weapons makes Kame's eyebrows shoot up. They have enough ammunition for a decent-sized casino heist.
"Hey!" Jin points a finger at Yamapi and Ryo accusingly. "You said your shipment isn't coming in until next week."
Ryo just sneers at him while methodically assembling a rifle at the same time. "You're right, it's not. This is just for home defense."
"An uzi is for home defense?" Kame asks.
Yamapi nods enthusiastically. "Yeah, a bazooka is just impractical. But we also have that, if you want."
"Dibs on the bazooka!" Jin says.
"Fine. Now stop hanging around like a pair of useless dipshits and help us with these."
Kame catches the shotgun Ryo throws at him by pure instinct, dumbfounded at the casual way they are dispensing weapons. From somewhere within the bowels of the apartment, Jin emerges with kevlar vests.
How would these hold up against a team of bounty hunters, however?
He checks and rechecks the magazines, tucking two pistols to his side holster and strapping one more to his ankle. In a corner, Ryo is busy building a remote controlled detonator. The sound of the helicopter is now too loud to be ignored; it's circling around the building in the middle of the day. Kame looks up from his inspection to find Jin looking at him, smiling for some unknown reason. Never mind that they're fucked. Never mind that that their only possible hope for survival lies with two trigger-happy yakuza and sheer dumb luck.
"Still not convinced that this is a bad idea?" Kame quips, aiming for levity. "Surrendering me to them is still an option, you know."
"Don't think we're not considering it," calls out Ryo from the other side of the room.
Jin ignores him, reaching out to touch Kame's jaw. "We haven't even started fighting."
Against his own will, Kame finds himself smiling back.
-
Misdirection rarely works on people whose professions revolve around espionage, illegal arms trade, or your mom-and-pop bounty hunting business. They can tell if you're trying to throw them off your scent and they become as stubborn as bloodhounds. Explosions, however, have a better chance of diverting their attention.
Jin is very good at making molotov cocktails on the fly--this is something Kame never knew about him before. He watches in mild fascination at the old beer bottles filled with gasoline that Jin has lined up, all ready to be ignited.
"I like chemistry," Jin tells him cheerfully when he catches Kame's eye.
He rolls his eyes and goes back to helping Yamapi prep the rig for dropping the molotovs.
A quick glance at the window reveals at least two large vans heading towards their direction. The four of them agreed that the shock-and-awe tactic is the only way they can gain momentum. The plan is simple. First, bombard the ground unit with bombs while they board two separate vehicles. Then they eliminate the helicopter somehow. Lastly, kill as many enemies as possible. It's a mockery of a plan, something that would never fly in one of Kame's CIA operations but it's the best one they have right now.
They run all the way down to the basement parking lot, foregoing the elevators. Kame and Jin reach the vehicle just as they hear tires squealing to a halt and several pairs of boots pounding at the pavement.
The bounty hunters have arrived.
They scramble inside, Jin turning on the engine, and spinning the wheel with strong violent jerks. He looks over to Ryo and Yamapi to see that they are also inside their vehicle, and with a nod, Ryo presses the detonator.
From the highest window of the apartment, several lit petrol bombs make a sudden drop. They've rigged it pretty well, in Kame's opinion. They all explode upon impact, the sound like the wrath of God, deafening Kame momentarily.
Jin peels out of the parking lot with lightning speed just as they explode. They successfully take the enemies by surprise--they stand around, stunned as Kame leans out of the window and shoots at them with a sub-automatic on each hand. Concrete shards are flying everywhere, so much smoke filling Kame's lungs, turning him into a coughing mess. But it's nothing he hasn't experienced before so he simply keeps shooting and reloading, barely even keeping track of the men he's hit.
"You okay?" Jin calls out to him amidst the staccato sounds of bullets firing.
"Yeah! It's just like in Damascus Square, no big deal."
The car makes a sharp right on the street corner. Kame watches from the rearview mirror as Yamapi and Ryo move to the opposite direction. Jin weaves in and out of traffic as Kame climbs to the back seat. They haven't even gone through half of their ammo--good. The two vans make a hairpin turn and go on chasing Yamapi and Ryo. Overhead, the helicopter seems to have decided to follow Jin and him, a scary-looking AK-47 mounted at the side and trained at them.
There's nothing left to do, then.
"Jin, I'm gonna take out the helicopter. Keep the car steady!"
Kame opens the sun roof and climbs up through it, dragging the bazooka with him. He turns his back to face the thing chasing them from a few meters away. He ignores the heavy wind slapping his face and puts the heavy piece of metal over his shoulder to steady it as he angles for just the right shot, ducking every time a new round of bullets gets fired at them.
"Intersection coming up! What do I do?"
"Left!" Kame shouts as he aims for the helicopter. Just a little closer--
Sudden jerk to the right, making him lose his aim. Kame shouts back at the passenger side, "What the hell, I mean my left!"
"I'm the one driving, so deal with it," Jin snaps back. Kame ducks back down to shove at Jin's head and it's so petty but God, he needed to do it. Jin bats away his hand, pushing down the accelerator like a man possessed.
The car careens way past the speed limit, away from the gnarly mess of downtown traffic and into the outskirts of the city. Then they hit a relatively stable patch of the road, thank God. Kame resumes his position with the bazooka, noting the irregular way the helicopter is flying through the air. The pilot is trying to mess up his aim. The thought makes Kame smirk.
"Steady!" He pauses, then he pulls the trigger.
The force of the shot jerks Kame off balance; he falls back into the passenger seat hitting his temple with the bazooka. He does't need to check if his aim was true--the rocket makes a whistling sound before a bright flash overtakes the sky, blinding Kame for a second. Kame scrambles to close the sun roof as shrapnel bombards them overhead.
"Drive faster!" he says.
Jin rides the engine hard enough to burn rubber.
They drive for several miles more, neither Jin nor Kame talking. They sit together looking numb--it's as if they are afraid of acknowledging that it is over. In a few hours they're going to have to check on Ryo and Yamapi through a secure channel, and they'll have to lie low for a while.
He just blew up a helicopter, he tells himself. If there was ever a time that Kame could have fixed this entire thing in a neat orderly manner, that chance is now gone.
When Jin kills the engine, finally, he sighs. He turns to Kame but before he can utter a word, Kame is on him, biting his lower lip. His nerves are still hopping from residual adrenaline, and maybe this is what happens to people with near-death experiences because Jin is nowhere near stopping him either.
"Shit, finally," Jin mutters against his lips before they are completely devoured again.
Kame climbs on top of Jin, blindly scrambling for the controls. He is writhing against Kame in a way that makes him bite down, dig his knee between Jin's muscular thighs. His teeth worries the strong line of Jin's jawline--he's been distracted by it for so long, fuck, and it's such a relief to have Jin's strong, rough hands unbuttoning his jeans, reaching in to stroke him.
The backrest finally flattens with a lurch, Kame's body now touching Jin's in every place that matters. Jin jerks him off fast and tight--they'll have all the time in the world later to do it slow and languid, this is what he needs now, some kind of goddamn release--and his hips push against Jin through their own volition.
It takes them hours to restart the car and find a place to sleep.
-
For a spy, a moral high ground is the first thing to go, replaced by the humility that comes with accepting your own insignificance in the greater scheme of world affairs. For the less philosophical: Learn to roll with the bullshit. Your own agency will not look out for you. It is something you'll have to do for yourself.
Kame wakes up in the middle of the night to find Jin smoking while taking notes, sitting half-naked on the far side of the bed.
They are holed up in an apartment on top of some edgy, out-of-the-way club in Shibuya. The owner is someone Jin knows. Again. Ueda Tatsuya regarded them both with a baleful eye when they first arrived, taking note of the bullet-ridden car and their many guns without a word, before tossing Jin the key.
"Rested?" Kame gives a shrug. "Yamapi called again to say that they've sounded the alarm with the rest of the yakuza families. They don't like outsiders invading their territory, so we won't have to worry about the bounty hunters. For now at least."
Kame says nothing. He fishes for a cigarette from Jin's pack, the first time in years he's ever felt a hankering.
Jin asks him, "What are you going to do next?"
"Take back what they took from me. My reputation."
"It won't be easy. Or quick."
"I know." He searches the bedside for a lighter and grumbles when he doesn't find one. Jin rises from the bed and walks towards Kame, a matchbox in his hand. He strikes a stick and Kame watches it as it flares. Jin looms over him as he lights the cigarette for Kame. They stay like this for a while before Kame asks, "Want to ride along?"
Jin just smiles. "Can't wait."
Endnotes: Just to make it absolutely clear, this is a one-shot and meant to imitate the pilot episode of a lame CW TV series.
By: lonelybusiness
Pairing: Akame
Rating: R
Genre/Warnings: Spy AU (more of a parody, really), adult language, violence, sex.
Prompt (if used): The most ill-regulated memory
Notes: The plot is a very obvious parody of the TV series Burn Notice. Readers don't need to be familiar with the original material to follow this fic, however. For maya_morning and I swear, this whole thing sounded a lot funnier in my head. Still, I hope you like it. <3 Thank you to my betas for doing such a thankless job, you know who you are.
Summary: My name is Kamenashi Kazuya. I used to be a spy.
When a spy has to operate in unfamiliar territory, an established system of protocols is key. A trusted team, reliable covers, even carrying your favorite gun helps. Bottom line is: The moment you start feeling out of your element during a covert ops operation, you're already losing.
"Nakamaru Yuichi is taking too long to arrive at his own party," Kame says under his breath, speaking into the microphone hidden beneath the lapel. He tries to stamp down the beginnings of annoyance by taking a sip of the expensive champagne he's been holding for the better part of an hour and scanning the deck full of people with the practiced indifference of bored, rich man.
Across the room Taguchi is talking up a group of young debutantes, playing his cover--the playboy son of a diplomat--with the enthusiasm of a puppy. Kame rolls his eyes and reminds himself to mock the hell out of Taguchi when the mission is over. The scent of money is almost as strong as the salty ocean air, a glittering tableau on the Hong Kong harbor.
The intercomm buzzes in his ear, Koki's voice coming from the other side. "Alpha to Basecamp, copy that. No visual of his car around the docks, either."
"He must really believe in being fashionably late."
"Rich dudes do like their dramatic entrance. Go on and flirt with some of the ladies there while we're waiting."
"Forget it. I'm not picking up phone numbers for you. Find your own goddamned dates."
"I'll get some for you," Taguchi butts in helpfully.
"Shut up, Greenhorn, I'm not talking to you." Koki sighs dramatically. "Come on, Alpha, it's not like the boat is going to leave without you noticing."
"It's a cruise ship, not a boat."
"That's not what your mom said last night."
Kame's lips twitches; he hears Koki and Taguchi chuckling underneath the static. "Classy."
"Well somebody's gotta distract you from making a fuss about a mark's tardiness. Lighten up, man. You'll blow our operation wide open."
"Not even on my worst day," Kame says with a snort.
His first surveillance operation as a rookie agent in the CIA had a similar setup to this one--Kame has gone through so many identical reconnoiters he's already lost count. The principle is the same every time: stand out enough that you blend with the rest of the preening, social climbing crowd. Throughout the party various men and women have Kame checked out, and he's played the part of the eternally aloof bachelor, someone just a mite unattainable.
"Here we go," Koki says. "Target spotted boarding. This little boatride will begin shortly."
"Remain on standby, Basecamp. Radio silence will begin now."
Kame flicks the comm switch off, then prepares for his performance. All right, then.
The whole crowd is buzzes the minute Nakamaru Yuichi arrives, even the most blase of the lot scrambling to get a closer look at the famed music producer. But Kame and Taguchi are not angling for him - they’re more interested in the mousy secretary behind him. The secretary had agreed to sell highly sensitive surveillance photos implicating his boss in the sale of arms to rogue nations. He even fits the profile of a snitch perfectly, one that the CIA was paying big money to turn. A quick glance tells Kame all about the mark's state of mind--hunched over, fidgety. If they don't get to him soon, Nakamaru's people will start to get suspicious.
Subtle eye signal between them, then Kame watches Taguchi move imperceptibly to his position. Their plan is simple; Taguchi will make a diversion so that Nakamaru and his security gets distracted enough for Kame to fetch the target and usher him into a predetermined room inside the ship. Then they change into their diving suits and wait for Taguchi before jumping off into the almost-freezing water and waiting for Koki and the rest of the team to fetch them. After that, they ship off the secretary into a witness protection program, wherever Nakamaru cannot reach him.
Straightforward operation, nothing they hadn't done before.
Almost an hour passes before Kame sees a chance to get near the target. He is about to signal for Taguchi's diversion when everything starts to deviate from the script.
"Hold on, something's happening," Kame says.
He watches as two burly men grab either side of the target’s arms, closing in around him; the secretary's eyes visibly widen in fear. Dammit. Before Kame can even react, they drag him away from the crush of the party, leading him inside the yacht.
"Shit, I think the target has been compromised. I'm going in pursuit. Basecamp, do you copy?"
"Like hell you are!" Koki barks. "You move one inch and I'm shooting you myself. This mission is terminated. Fall back so we can regroup."
"We don't have time to negotiate this. Valuable state evidence may be getting destroyed at this moment." Even as he's saying this Kame is already following the three below deck, navigating the dark hallways of the ship.
"Don’t you dare disobey orders, Kamenashi. I'm still the head of this operation--"
"Look, just send us backup immediately, okay? Tell Taguchi to stand his ground. I'm moving in."
Kame takes off his earpiece and the sound of Koki screaming expletives at him vanishes completely. He continues walking down a flight of stairs, peering through the darkness with a hand already reaching for his holstered gun.
Then the sound of an explosion above deck rocks the entire ship, catching Kame off guard. Shit, Taguchi might be in the middle of that, he thinks.
Everything seems to happen all at once after that, Kame turning around to run back up when his body jerks violently as strong hands clutch at his shoulders and arms. He tries to maneuver out of this death grip, a thousand panicked thoughts careening through his mind, but a sharp pain at the back of his head--someone just hit him with the butt of a gun, the fucker--startles him and Kame's mind succumbs to the inky blackness.
-
Espionage is not the job for people who want a well-adjusted emotional and professional life. You eat paranoia for breakfast and regurgitate it as duplicity by the end of the day. You can never really count on friends not to betray you. You can't even count on yourself to be the hero all the time.
He wakes up with a throbbing bump at the back of his head and a vague feeling of nausea. It takes him five seconds to remember the reason for the pain, but the moving sensation is more confusing. He pulls himself up to a sitting position and opens his eyes, his sight adjusting from the grogginess. He knows he's been drugged by the way his limbs hang heavily around him but how long he's been unconscious remains a mystery. A day, maybe? If only--
Kame scrambles to peer out of the barrier before him, dread creeping through his chest and clutching at his heart as he looks out at the neon lights surrounding the dock. His hands scramble through the pockets of his ruined tuxedo. It's nighttime in a city he can barely recognize, sitting on a dingy, abandoned boat with nothing but the clothes on him and his cellphone.
Then the phone rings, its loud sound piercing through the silence surrounding Kame.
He pushes a button and brings the phone to his ear. Waiting.
"Good day, Kamenashi-san." A woman speaks from the other line. "I see the drug performed exactly the way we intended. Did you have a satisfying rest?"
"What do you want?"
"Right now, exactly nothing. You have deduced that you are no longer in Hong Kong, am I right? Staying put in Tokyo would be the best recourse for you."
There's hidden steel in that request. It takes all of Kame's years of experience not to shudder in apprehension. "Sending me back to my hometown, hmm? Can't complain about the trip, I guess."
"Surely your friends would be thrilled to see you again."
Kame groans silently. Dammit, he'd forgotten about that. Tokyo is the worst place he could be right now, the city littered with accumulated enemies and pissed off friends. He'll have to get in touch with the CIA soon to get him out, stat.
"Yeah, yeah," Kame says, faking nonchalance. "But they're not really the ones I'm concerned about right now. I’m more interested in, I don't know, strapping barrels of C4 around your headquarters' foundations and detonating them."
"Kamenashi-san-"
"A Japanese operative, am I right? From the Kanto area, but with a passably neutral accent. Your English teacher must be good."
Stiff silence from the other line. Kame continues running his mouth, unsure of what will happen if he actually stops.
"Believe me, now that I've heard your voice, it won’t really take me long to find out who you are and who you work for."
The woman laughs. "Still brilliant as ever, I see. And belligerent. Why don't you call the CIA right now to educate yourself about your situation?"
There's something off in what he's hearing that Kame's reptile brain picks up. He can feel his hackles rising, instinct telling him he's not out of danger yet. "I don’t like playing games, lady. Especially shitty ones like this."
"The big picture scenario will take more time for you to grasp, I’m sure. But don’t worry, we will not be needing you in the immediate future."
The call ends with a beep.
Kame contemplates his options. There's a possibility that these people are orchestrating a trap, forcing Kame to call up Koki or Taguchi to gain access to their communications. But if that was their sole intention, they could have done it successfully beforehand, while Kame was still unconscious.
Well, Kame thinks and punches in the number to the Virginia office. It rings several times before somebody picks it up.
"Central office, Taguchi speaking."
Relief washes over Kame for a second and he takes a deep breath to recollect himself. "Finally. It’s me. Listen, I need you to call the Foreign Affairs--"
"Eh? Kamenashi, is it really you?" Taguchi yelps. "We've been looking for you for five days."
He'd been gone that long? "Yes, it's me. I'm in Tokyo of all places. Something went wrong during the Hong Kong thing, I'm sure you know by now so I need someone to get me on a plane to the US immediately. And put Koki on the line."
There is a pause. Kame is about to snap impatiently at Taguchi when he starts to speak in a flat whispered voice.
"Koki's still at the hospital, Kame. The Hong Kong job."
It's like ice water is flowing through his veins. The explosion? Did Koki go after them when he heard the blast? He mutters under his breath. "Shit. How did that happen?"
"They got hit at the same time the explosion happened. You were there, right? You knew about the explosion?"
"Yes, I heard it, but somebody knocked me cold before I could do anything. How is Koki? Is he alright?
"He just woke up yesterday, I think he'll be fine. But that's not the important part. I--" Taguchi hesitates before barreling on. "I'm recording this conversation and after it's over I'm going to send it to the top brass. Sorry, I just thought you should know."
"Taguchi, please cut the bullshit and tell me everything."
"We've been looking for you since the mission. We thought you were in Prague, but you never went there at all, I guess. Talk around here says anyone who can bring you in will get an automatic promotion."
"Bring me--"
"Intel says you've gone rogue, Kame. You’re blacklisted."
Kame's mouth moves soundlessly for a few moments, searching for something appropriate to say and failing. Then for some unknown reason, Kame begins to laugh. The relative darkness seems to absorb the sound and he laughs some more, the first real emotion that he has been able to show since waking up. So his partner just woke from a coma while he is stranded Tokyo, injured and penniless. And he's been accused of treason.
Shit definitely has hit the fan. He laughs until the sound becomes hollow.
"Tell me what I’m accused of," Kame asks Taguchi.
"Covert ops. Selling classified information. Arms dealing."
"The works, huh? Glad to know people think I’m capable of doing those things when I can’t even fucking do my laundry anymore."
"Kame--"
"I appreciate you telling me. You know you'll get heat from this."
"Well," Taguchi says wryly, "I'm bringing them the first sign of your existence in five days. Nobody knew what to do since you disappeared. They're kind of scared of you."
Kame snorts. "Really?"
"Yeah. They keep visiting Koki at hospital, waiting for you to drop by."
"Okay." Kame takes a deep breath. "Okay. I know saying this won’t really mean much but I haven’t gone rogue."
"I know, Kame."
Regroup, regroup. He needs to pull himself together, reestablish his equilibrium. He’s not some inexperienced rookie to be thrown off by scenarios like this, he thinks. Regroup. "I'm not a traitor and I'm going to prove it, one way or another." He hesitates. "Tell Koki that, okay?"
"Man, Koki never believed it for a minute. He practically bullied us into setting up the command central for your search by his bedside."
"That's comforting." Kame manages to grin as he starts climbing out of the rickety boat, crouching low. His muscles are tense, anticipating any signs of danger.
"So what are you going to do?"
"Listen, don't you guys compromise yourselves for me. I'm going to sort this out for myself." Kame cuts Taguchi off before he can protest. "I think there's a greater game at play here and I don't like it."
"Hey, Kame."
"Yes?"
"Good luck."
Kame feels himself sag a little, the artless gesture taking him by surprise. He scrounges up the last of his bravado to add some levity in his voice. "As if I've ever botched a mission in my life."
-
Resources and contingency measures must be tucked away in every city you might work on, much like the acorns and seeds animals store away for the winter. Firearms are important but other things are just as valuable--weapons, fake IDs, secure laptops, cash. Keep them in a place that is inconspicuous and under heavy lock.
Kame needs a gun, a change of clothes, and a different life, in that order. Hitching a ride is easy--a fisherman's truck takes him all the way to Saitama. He makes up a cover on the fly. A newly employed salary man, he says, his new officemates pulled a prank by leaving him on the dock after he passed out drunk. Kame is appropriately sheepish and embarrassed, bowing his head and flushing.
The old man buys it.
He has not been in his old apartment for three years, since he up and left for Langley and never quite looked back. Hopefully it’s still empty, or at the very least the new owners are away.
He stops in front of the door and knocks. No answer. First good thing that has happened to him today, he thinks wryly. He finds an errant piece of wire and uses it to pick the keyhole, silently thanking his old landlord--that ornery man--who refused to buy newer locks for the building.
The door opens with a subtle click. Pushing through the door, he takes a cautious step inside the apartment, noting the spartan look of the living room. There’s new tenant, then. Acetic or just too busy to remember to buy actual furniture? No photos. New university graduate? Office flunky? Kame’s mind comes up with half a dozen character profiles as he continues walking around. There is something a bit familiar about the entire house, as if the personality of the furniture and knick knacks reveal someone Kame knew somehow.
He chalks it up to nostalgia and his brain looking for familiar things to latch onto.
He strolls into the kitchen and drops on all fours, tapping the wooden floorboards and looking for the single loose one. The new owner has not redecorated, it seems, so the stash must still be there undetected. It has to. Kame’s fingers bump against a board with a slightly elevated corner. He feels around and wriggles the secret latch with steady fingers that belies his desperation. With a jerk, he takes out the floorboard and opens the dark lid beneath it.
A single pistol inside, as well as three magazines. Everything is still where he left it, including the fake passports, the key to a safety deposit box, and some cash. Kame sighs in relief.
"Oh, thank God. I thought you were a burglar."
Kame springs into action in a millisecond, moving towards the source of the voice. Reflexes overtake him--he makes a low swinging kick, taking out the intruder's leg from under him. The loud thud and subsequent groan of pain barely registers in Kame's brain as he launches himself off from the floor, lunging on top of the intruder.
Violent tussle between them, and Kame struggles in alarm as the man begins to overpower him. He is flipped on his back, breath leaving his lungs in a rush as the full weight of his attacker bears down on him. He closes his eyes, preparing for a strike, when he feels a hand brushing away the hair from his forehead.
"Geez, you never let your guard down at all, do you? Did you get the gun?"
His eyes snap open. Either Kame is still drugged in a basement somewhere and this is just part of the brain-addled hallucinations designed to make him go crazy or fate has decided to send him another clusterfuck because looming above him, wearing the infuriatingly smug grin Kame remembers so well, is Akanishi Jin of MI6.
"What are you doing in my apartment? And get off me before I kill you."
"That’s the last time I’ll ever look after your things. I’ve been waiting for you since yesterday. How's the CIA treating you? "
"Fine. How's the Interpol? Successfully conned someone else into sleeping with you this year?"
So they have a little history between them. Three years ago, Kame participated in training with the MI6 in London, for a joint exercise on deep covers.
Jin pouts at him some more. "You'd think it would be natural to forgive me for that by now."
"You were fucking me while doing reconnaissance on me!"
Kame thought it would be a harmless fling, another layer to his cover. Jin introduced himself and seduced Kame while disguised as a foreign exchange student. He can admit to himself that he lost his head for a while, won over by Jin whispering dirty come-ons in his ear with an accent that makes Kame shiver at the memory.
"It was part of the assignment! You would have done the same. And I didn’t reveal any compromising information, I was just observing really closely--"
"The vantage point from my bedroom must've been spectacular then," Kame snarls.
"--And it's not like your superiors didn't know about it. Why the hell would you forgive Koki and not me?"
"I want nothing to do with either of you. Because you are both lunatics."
"You just couldn't believe that I’m smart enough to work for the MI6, admit it."
Kame glares daggers at him. "Let. Me. Up."
Jin pouts. "But you're going to hurt me if I do. I want to help you, Kame."
Instead of responding, Kame lurches his head forward, his forehead striking the bridge of Jin’s nose.
"Ow!" Jin shouts, slowly rolling off Kame before lying on the floor. "You suck. Here I am thinking you'll finally forgive now that I'm helping you--"
"I don't need your help."
"Like hell you don't. Look, everybody knows that you're in Tokyo--"
"Frankly, I don't care who knows. It's my business."
"Yeah, you and the dozens of guns for hire who want to build their own reputations by offing you."
Kame gives him a dirty look but says nothing, knowing what he said is true. Jin's hand reaches out and grasps the back of his neck. He remains stiff for a moment but finally relents, allowing Jin to bring their heads together, foreheads touching.
"Word has been out on you getting blacklisted for days, Kame. Days. And now every arms dealer, drug trafficker, or two-bit criminal that you've managed to piss off throughout your career is coming after you."
It’s so hard to remain resentful when the hand on his neck turns comforting, fingers kneading carefully. Kame's eyelids flutters shut against his will. The kiss starts out tentative, Jin's lips touching his own in short, chaste bursts, testing the waters. Kame leans towards him, snaking his own hand to touch Jin's jaw and bring him closer. They fit, even after years of separation.
Jin breaks the kiss and murmurs against his cheek. "Somebody definitely wants to watch you run while you get hunted down. You have to let me help."
Kame is big on personal vindictiveness, never letting anything become water under the bridge. But perhaps the strain is finally catching up on him because hearing Jin say those words gives him a feeling of reassurance, something strong enough to stave off the desperation he is starting to feel.
The thing with their history--he will have to deal with that later. Right now instinct is taking over, and if having to deal with Jin is the price to pay for his survival, then so be it.
"Okay," he says with a sigh.
"Good choice. Now we just need a plan."
-
When things become desperate and there are no other options, don't be too proud to cash in on old favors. If relationships with useful friends have already soured, grovel. Survival easily trumps pride, especially when your demise is imminent. A principled loser is still a loser. And most likely dead.
They crisscross through Tokyo in Jin's car, looking up every one of Kame’s old assets, but they still come up with nothing. All the responses are variations of the same theme: Sucks that this happened to you, Kamenashi Kazuya. Good luck on not getting killed. Also don't take it personally if one day I collect the bounty on your head, hmm? Nothing personal, you see.
"At least the last one didn't try to shoot us on the spot?" Jin comments as he turns a corner. The car shifts into a slow crawl before parking in front of an inconspicuous apartment outside. "Now it's my turn."
"What makes you think anyone else would even help us?" Kame asks, his voice flat. "The only thing missing from me now is a target sign."
Jin ignores his question and scrambles out of the car instead. He saunters towards the sidewalk and into the building. Kame doesn't follow him immediately, peering up at the rooftops to check for sudden movements.
"What the hell, are you seriously scouting the area for sniper fire? Hurry up!"
Kame jerks and glares at Jin but he runs to catch up with him anyway. The stairs are steep as they climb all the way to the top floor, standing in front of the first apartment door they see. Jin punches the doorbell twice. Picking at his jacket, Kame can feel impatience start to well up inside him as they waiteded.
He looks at Jin and says, "I don't think anyone's home--"
A hand roughly pushes against Kame, compromising his balance and sending him to the floor. He's going to yell at Jin for shoving him like that later, except that they are both looking down the barrel of two machine pistols. Kame reaches for the gun in his back pocket--from the corner of his eye he can see Jin has his already out but Jin's pistol is no match for a machine gun, not at such a close range. A hoarse shout freezes in his throat, his horror pinning him to the ground.
"A glock, really? You come into my domain and you insult me by pointing that toy?"
Kame tears away his eyes from Jin to look at the figure looming over by the doorway. A smirking man about their age still has the machine pistols cocked and trained at both him and Jin. Another man is peeking out from behind him, also holding a gun. But they aren't shooting, which baffles Kame even more.
"Geez, Ryo, don't scare us like that," Jin exclaims as he puts his pistol away.
So fate hasn't given up hurling curveballs at Kame yet.
"Is that him?" The other man pushes past the one Jin is calling Ryo. He crouches down to Kame's eye level and peers up at him. "Hey Jin, he looks too skinny to be CIA. Scruffier too."
"Shut up, he hasn't eaten at all today," Jin says. "Pi, remember the deep shit I was telling you about? Well, it's really deep. Can you help us with stuff?"
"Stuff like what?" Ryo says grouchily. "Don't ask for money, I already paid for dinner last time."
Pi gives him a look before regarding Jin again. "Stuff like what?"
"A little heat, if you know what I mean. Also intel, we need that a lot."
"The next shipment for the big guns isn't until next week, what kind of firepower do you need?"
It takes a lot longer for Kame to put two and two together than he would have under normal circumstances. He narrows his eyes as he takes in the strangers' appearance, going through his catalog of faces and names. Ryo. Pi. Firepower.
Kame stands up suddenly, startling the three. He takes a step towards Jin and hits him in the chest.
"Ow!" Jin yelps. He looks at Kame incredulously.
"We're asking for help from the yakuza? That's your great idea?" Of course, that's what he gets for trusting Jin to bail him out. Of course. What should surprise him is that he didn't immediately recognize Nishikido Ryo and Tomohisa Yamashita. Their mug shots are listed on the CIA database as the leading freelancers operating in Japan right now.
"But they're friends."
"So now you're friends with criminal elements?"
Jin looks at him with hurt eyes, still rubbing the spot where Kame hit him. "You're so judgmental. It's not like I can go to my usual channels to ask for assistance."
"Yeah, spy dude, remember where you are before running your mouth like that."
Kame glares at Nishikido Ryo but keeps his jaw clenched tight, looking away and saying nothing. Just let them go through this whole charade, he thinks, and in the end he'll refuse whatever it is they're offering. He stiffens a little when Jin grabs his elbow to lead him inside the apartment--the very act violates every training lesson he has ever learned. But Jin is persistent and is looking at him with such pleading eyes.
Well, then. If the two mobsters decide to execute them in cold blood, at least he'll get to use Jin as a shield first.
"So talk, Bakanishi," Ryo says. "Tell us the newest way you've fucked up today."
Jin sneers at him before walking over to the kitchen and opening the refrigerator. Moves around like he's completely familiar with the place. He gets two cans of soda and gives one to Kame. "Like I said, we need guns and intel."
Yamapi sits down and address Jin. "Intel about whom, exactly? The spooks? Assassins?" He gives Kame a shifty look, then tries to cover it with nonchalance. "We can't say much if he's here."
"Aw, come on, Pi. These are special circumstances."
"In what way? That the CIA is finally cutting out the middleman and screwing over its own people?" Ryo says.
"Watch it," Kame bites out. Ryo only glares back at him.
"Hey, cut it out." Almost imperceptibly, Jin is moving closer towards Kame, moving his hands in a placating manner. "Christ, you are all such bitches. All we need is to know who has touched ground in Tokyo so far, anyone new and asking around for Kame. The Serbian secessionists?"
"They're in Tokyo and they're after his head."
"What about the heroin cartel?"
"They're also here--"
"Not that heroin cartel. The one from Myanmar."
"Also here," Ryo says through gritted teeth. "Look Jin, Kamenashi Kazuya is blacklisted. The spooks don't do something like that lightly. It doesn't matter if it's a setup or he really is a dirty turncoat. You'll be pissing off a lot of people, so you better be doing this for the right reasons and not because you think the pretty little CIA agent is going to sleep with you again."
"That's it, I'm done here." Kame takes a sharp turn and heads towards the door.
He's already halfway through the hallway when Jin finally reaches him, his hand tightly gripping Kame's arm. "Where are you going? Did you forget that part about a lot of people trying to kill you?"
"Let him go, Jin. It won't be our fault if he ends up floating facedown in Tokyo Bay around this time tomorrow." Ryo says.
"Shut the fuck up, he's not gonna get killed!"
"Believe me, if my triad channels are to be believed, he's a dead man walking."
"Thank you both for discussing things so politely over my corpse but I'm. Not. Dying." Kame takes a deep breath. He is starting to get a little shrill.
Yamapi stands up suddenly, interrupting the rest of Kame's words. "Guys, I think something's going on."
All three of them freeze up at that, and true enough the telltale sound of helicopter propellers can be heard overhead, faint but getting closer. Yamapi and Jin run towards the windows to take a peek at the same time.
"I'm not sure if the helicopter is for us," Yamapi says. "Can't tell who it belongs to, either, but I can feel it in my gut. I've seen this kind of operation before."
"Then the ground unit must not be that far away." Jin returns to Kame's side, panic evident in his eyes. "Shit, Kame."
Kame takes a deep breath. Both hands pressed against his eyes, he wills his brain to come up with a suitable escape plan. All the scenarios he can think of are idiotic at best. Some are just plain suicidal.
"If I can slip out of the building by myself I think I can evade them."
"What?" Jin's asks, his face suddenly dark.
Kame doesn't meet his eyes. "If they tail me as I'm driving out of here, I'm pretty certain I can give them the slip."
"Look, I don't know whatever shitty moral guidelines you keep in the CIA, but you are not going to sacrifice yourself and you better get that into your head. Jesus."
"It's a perfectly valid plan."
Jin glares back at him stubbornly. Kame runs his fingers over his hair in frustration.
"They're here for me. They have no business with any of you."
"Well I've made it my business too, so shut up already."
"Uh, hey guys," Yamapi interjects, a little hesitantly, "About needing our help. Does that still stand?"
Ryo makes a face at him and groans. "Aw, are we really? We just moved into this flat! I hate moving."
Ryo and Yamapi simply look at each other, silent communication running between them. After a minute Ryo sighs in disgust and raises up his hands in surrender before racing towards the bedroom. Yamapi opens what looks like a TV cabinet and reveals a stash of semiautomatics inside. A few minutes later, Ryo joins him with another bag full of guns. The caliber of the weapons makes Kame's eyebrows shoot up. They have enough ammunition for a decent-sized casino heist.
"Hey!" Jin points a finger at Yamapi and Ryo accusingly. "You said your shipment isn't coming in until next week."
Ryo just sneers at him while methodically assembling a rifle at the same time. "You're right, it's not. This is just for home defense."
"An uzi is for home defense?" Kame asks.
Yamapi nods enthusiastically. "Yeah, a bazooka is just impractical. But we also have that, if you want."
"Dibs on the bazooka!" Jin says.
"Fine. Now stop hanging around like a pair of useless dipshits and help us with these."
Kame catches the shotgun Ryo throws at him by pure instinct, dumbfounded at the casual way they are dispensing weapons. From somewhere within the bowels of the apartment, Jin emerges with kevlar vests.
How would these hold up against a team of bounty hunters, however?
He checks and rechecks the magazines, tucking two pistols to his side holster and strapping one more to his ankle. In a corner, Ryo is busy building a remote controlled detonator. The sound of the helicopter is now too loud to be ignored; it's circling around the building in the middle of the day. Kame looks up from his inspection to find Jin looking at him, smiling for some unknown reason. Never mind that they're fucked. Never mind that that their only possible hope for survival lies with two trigger-happy yakuza and sheer dumb luck.
"Still not convinced that this is a bad idea?" Kame quips, aiming for levity. "Surrendering me to them is still an option, you know."
"Don't think we're not considering it," calls out Ryo from the other side of the room.
Jin ignores him, reaching out to touch Kame's jaw. "We haven't even started fighting."
Against his own will, Kame finds himself smiling back.
-
Misdirection rarely works on people whose professions revolve around espionage, illegal arms trade, or your mom-and-pop bounty hunting business. They can tell if you're trying to throw them off your scent and they become as stubborn as bloodhounds. Explosions, however, have a better chance of diverting their attention.
Jin is very good at making molotov cocktails on the fly--this is something Kame never knew about him before. He watches in mild fascination at the old beer bottles filled with gasoline that Jin has lined up, all ready to be ignited.
"I like chemistry," Jin tells him cheerfully when he catches Kame's eye.
He rolls his eyes and goes back to helping Yamapi prep the rig for dropping the molotovs.
A quick glance at the window reveals at least two large vans heading towards their direction. The four of them agreed that the shock-and-awe tactic is the only way they can gain momentum. The plan is simple. First, bombard the ground unit with bombs while they board two separate vehicles. Then they eliminate the helicopter somehow. Lastly, kill as many enemies as possible. It's a mockery of a plan, something that would never fly in one of Kame's CIA operations but it's the best one they have right now.
They run all the way down to the basement parking lot, foregoing the elevators. Kame and Jin reach the vehicle just as they hear tires squealing to a halt and several pairs of boots pounding at the pavement.
The bounty hunters have arrived.
They scramble inside, Jin turning on the engine, and spinning the wheel with strong violent jerks. He looks over to Ryo and Yamapi to see that they are also inside their vehicle, and with a nod, Ryo presses the detonator.
From the highest window of the apartment, several lit petrol bombs make a sudden drop. They've rigged it pretty well, in Kame's opinion. They all explode upon impact, the sound like the wrath of God, deafening Kame momentarily.
Jin peels out of the parking lot with lightning speed just as they explode. They successfully take the enemies by surprise--they stand around, stunned as Kame leans out of the window and shoots at them with a sub-automatic on each hand. Concrete shards are flying everywhere, so much smoke filling Kame's lungs, turning him into a coughing mess. But it's nothing he hasn't experienced before so he simply keeps shooting and reloading, barely even keeping track of the men he's hit.
"You okay?" Jin calls out to him amidst the staccato sounds of bullets firing.
"Yeah! It's just like in Damascus Square, no big deal."
The car makes a sharp right on the street corner. Kame watches from the rearview mirror as Yamapi and Ryo move to the opposite direction. Jin weaves in and out of traffic as Kame climbs to the back seat. They haven't even gone through half of their ammo--good. The two vans make a hairpin turn and go on chasing Yamapi and Ryo. Overhead, the helicopter seems to have decided to follow Jin and him, a scary-looking AK-47 mounted at the side and trained at them.
There's nothing left to do, then.
"Jin, I'm gonna take out the helicopter. Keep the car steady!"
Kame opens the sun roof and climbs up through it, dragging the bazooka with him. He turns his back to face the thing chasing them from a few meters away. He ignores the heavy wind slapping his face and puts the heavy piece of metal over his shoulder to steady it as he angles for just the right shot, ducking every time a new round of bullets gets fired at them.
"Intersection coming up! What do I do?"
"Left!" Kame shouts as he aims for the helicopter. Just a little closer--
Sudden jerk to the right, making him lose his aim. Kame shouts back at the passenger side, "What the hell, I mean my left!"
"I'm the one driving, so deal with it," Jin snaps back. Kame ducks back down to shove at Jin's head and it's so petty but God, he needed to do it. Jin bats away his hand, pushing down the accelerator like a man possessed.
The car careens way past the speed limit, away from the gnarly mess of downtown traffic and into the outskirts of the city. Then they hit a relatively stable patch of the road, thank God. Kame resumes his position with the bazooka, noting the irregular way the helicopter is flying through the air. The pilot is trying to mess up his aim. The thought makes Kame smirk.
"Steady!" He pauses, then he pulls the trigger.
The force of the shot jerks Kame off balance; he falls back into the passenger seat hitting his temple with the bazooka. He does't need to check if his aim was true--the rocket makes a whistling sound before a bright flash overtakes the sky, blinding Kame for a second. Kame scrambles to close the sun roof as shrapnel bombards them overhead.
"Drive faster!" he says.
Jin rides the engine hard enough to burn rubber.
They drive for several miles more, neither Jin nor Kame talking. They sit together looking numb--it's as if they are afraid of acknowledging that it is over. In a few hours they're going to have to check on Ryo and Yamapi through a secure channel, and they'll have to lie low for a while.
He just blew up a helicopter, he tells himself. If there was ever a time that Kame could have fixed this entire thing in a neat orderly manner, that chance is now gone.
When Jin kills the engine, finally, he sighs. He turns to Kame but before he can utter a word, Kame is on him, biting his lower lip. His nerves are still hopping from residual adrenaline, and maybe this is what happens to people with near-death experiences because Jin is nowhere near stopping him either.
"Shit, finally," Jin mutters against his lips before they are completely devoured again.
Kame climbs on top of Jin, blindly scrambling for the controls. He is writhing against Kame in a way that makes him bite down, dig his knee between Jin's muscular thighs. His teeth worries the strong line of Jin's jawline--he's been distracted by it for so long, fuck, and it's such a relief to have Jin's strong, rough hands unbuttoning his jeans, reaching in to stroke him.
The backrest finally flattens with a lurch, Kame's body now touching Jin's in every place that matters. Jin jerks him off fast and tight--they'll have all the time in the world later to do it slow and languid, this is what he needs now, some kind of goddamn release--and his hips push against Jin through their own volition.
It takes them hours to restart the car and find a place to sleep.
-
For a spy, a moral high ground is the first thing to go, replaced by the humility that comes with accepting your own insignificance in the greater scheme of world affairs. For the less philosophical: Learn to roll with the bullshit. Your own agency will not look out for you. It is something you'll have to do for yourself.
Kame wakes up in the middle of the night to find Jin smoking while taking notes, sitting half-naked on the far side of the bed.
They are holed up in an apartment on top of some edgy, out-of-the-way club in Shibuya. The owner is someone Jin knows. Again. Ueda Tatsuya regarded them both with a baleful eye when they first arrived, taking note of the bullet-ridden car and their many guns without a word, before tossing Jin the key.
"Rested?" Kame gives a shrug. "Yamapi called again to say that they've sounded the alarm with the rest of the yakuza families. They don't like outsiders invading their territory, so we won't have to worry about the bounty hunters. For now at least."
Kame says nothing. He fishes for a cigarette from Jin's pack, the first time in years he's ever felt a hankering.
Jin asks him, "What are you going to do next?"
"Take back what they took from me. My reputation."
"It won't be easy. Or quick."
"I know." He searches the bedside for a lighter and grumbles when he doesn't find one. Jin rises from the bed and walks towards Kame, a matchbox in his hand. He strikes a stick and Kame watches it as it flares. Jin looms over him as he lights the cigarette for Kame. They stay like this for a while before Kame asks, "Want to ride along?"
Jin just smiles. "Can't wait."
Endnotes: Just to make it absolutely clear, this is a one-shot and meant to imitate the pilot episode of a lame CW TV series.