fic for queen_kat_tun
Title: Morally Flexible
By: paddyabroad
Pairing: Jin/Kame
Word count: 3935
Rating: PG-13
Genre/Warnings: Angst AU, rough language and topics
Notes: I had a bit of a hard time with the prompt, but I hope to have managed something you will like.
Summary: Kame rents a room from Jin, and their arrangement is rather peculiar. Then one night…
"Put something less disgraceful on." Akanishi put a 1000 Yen bill onto the dinner table, making Kamenashi look up from his cup ramen. The younger one pocketed the money, pushing it into the tummy pouch of his oversized hooded sweater. He slurped on some more noodles.
"Now."
"Okay, okay," picking his food up the younger man headed for his bedroom. Experience had taught him that leaving food unattended with Akanishi around was only safe for anorexic people, which he was not, thank you very much.
Kamenashi was renting the five by four meter room from Akanishi, sharing both kitchen and bathroom with the other man. But the deal was rather special by nature. He put the ramen aside to pick a tight pair of jeans from his closet, adding a couple of layers of shirts that all combined were not a tenth as spacious as the previous hoodie. He would not wear leather or the like for under 3000. Akanishi knew that, too.
His cup ramen once again in hand, Kamenashi returned to the table. Before flopping back onto his chair he turned around once, giving Akanishi the full 360, almost cheekily; he knew the dark eyes were fixed on him even though the other made no sound.
No demand for more, no verbal approval either. Kamenashi was glad for that as it meant he ran a chance of finishing his dinner.
Yes, his contract with his landlord was special. Kamenashi paid his rent with the money the other would previously have given him. Akanishi was wealthy to say the least. He had never not been able to buy something he had really wanted. Currently, Kamenashi was one of those things.
He had been thrown out from his old place, and was desperately looking for a new but affordable place when his not so close friend had made the offer. Akanishi could have just let him stay for free, but that had not been in the older one’s intention. He had wanted Kamenashi for a long time and this had been his chance.
Kamenashi did not think of himself as a whore, just as a morally flexible young man, making the best of his assets - he had accepted.
There was a contract, of course, not just for the rent, but foremost to organize the additional deal. It said there that each transaction should be handled individually and that Kamenashi always held the final right to decline.
In turn Akanishi held the sole right to initiate anything and set a price - there would be no bargaining. But the tenant had found out fairly soon that his landlord was not too stingy and often left the details of his bought service up to Kamenashi’s estimation.
The choice of clothes had been befitting the monetary gain and made both parties appreciate the deal as was the idea.
"Are you free tonight?" Akanishi asked after having watched the younger one eating for a while.
"Maybe," Kamenashi replied vaguely. He had no true plans, but that officially depended on Akanishi’s offer. The younger one had been expecting something as it had been a while and the end of the month was approaching rapidly.
Of course, his landlord was all too aware of his financial income and knew he was just barely short of next month’s rent. They played with open cards, both of them - but that did not mean Kamenashi would agree to just anything.
"I would offer you the usual," Akanishi did not weaver in his pricings, hardly offering extras.
"Staying home?"
"I was thinking of hitting the clubs, then getting a room," Akanishi smirked at him. They had played this game often enough, Kamenashi knew of all the implications.
Staying home was Akanishi-speak for a leisure night, taking it slow and spending much time on foreplay. For him those nights started relaxed, but his rich landlord for some reason had considerable stamina, enough to become a challenge to him as the night grows longer. Then again it was not like he had to do too much himself, leaning back, letting Akanishi be, getting some pleasure of his own here and there - all together staying home was usually a good option for Kamenashi.
Going out, or hitting the clubs meant partying until his landlord’s crotch and primary brain got the better of him. During those times Kamenashi usually found himself dragged to the bathrooms, an alleyway or a VIP room when he was lucky. Those nights would end just as abruptly as they tended to start, too. After built up adrenaline and energy had been released, fatigue and sleepiness commonly took their place. Kamenashi was glad whenever he got his householder back to their apartment complex before the older one zonked out after that.
Then there was the third option.
Getting a room.
That was less easily-earned money and the proposal Kamenashi was more likely to deny, as he had done in the past. Of course, Akanishi knew, posing it to the end of the month. His tenant wondered what happened if he declined. Would the other give him another chance to earn his rent? And if he did, would it be the same offer? Or a worse one? And if not, would he kick him out if Kamenashi could not pay on the 31st?
Above all, would he dare to find out about the consequences or could he swallow the pill tonight? After all, it did not disturb him per se, but it did go a layer closer than Kamenashi would like his landlord to come and with having the other sleep with him there were certainly not too many of these layers left.
Then again, whom was he kidding? This was not the first time Akanishi proposed getting a room and Kamenashi had agreed to it in the past, even after knowing what was in store for him. Maybe he just needed to be in the right mood for it. Or to delude himself. Which brought him back to the question at hand. Should he accept the offer or not?
It was only the normal deal, no extra money… but he liked partying and Akanishi would come up for the drinks.
"Let’s go," Kamenashi had made a decision and he conceded before he could backtrack. Again.
~~~~~
He tried to make the voice in the back of his head shut up, but that high-pitched thought had always aimed for center-stage of his frontal lobe. Kamenashi took the short ride to the club quietly, listening to Akanishi and his hopes for the right music. He was hardly thinking about the hotel night at that point.
Once they were in the club, a first colorful drink with a little straw umbrella in hand, Kamenashi was still not dreading the night too much. He was not remembering the last time, which had chilled him to the bone. He did not remember that it was exciting, and how he had felt so much more.
Instead he was enjoying the loud beat of the drums from the live band, drowning out Akanishi’s voice. He allowed his landlord to guide him to the dance floor, leaving his half-consumed drink abandoned on some random table - money was not an issue this night. Kamenashi moved with the rhythm, with the beat, closer to the other body in front of him. With the body in front of him.
He could not help but to second guess his own fears when this was fine, grinding so close against each other that not even a stamp would be able to squeeze between them He could even enjoy it, but the thoughts of the last few times kept resurfacing, the love hotel room, Akanishi diminishing him to his non-visual senses, anticipation, no chance to expect only to react…
A shiver ran down his spine and he realized that the cold sweat cooling his skin was not only from the heated club atmosphere. He needed to cool down, mentally; he took a step back in the middle of the dance floor. Maybe he could catch some air, regain his bearings, this was getting ridiculous after all.
Kamenashi signaled for the restrooms, knowing this was not one of those nights his landlord would follow him. Perhaps that was the reason why he missed the shade sneaking after him as he did not head for the room with the male stick-figure on it, but the side door leading into the back alley - just a quick breather - he told himself, he was not running from anything.
"Now what did that ass do to have you running away like that?"
The door to the club had opened and a tall guy was looking at him, a slick eyebrow raised. Kamenashi was startled, he had not expected this, and the stranger had not even caught his attention as he must have been watching them. But the young man had his façade up, multiple layers of indestructible image, stereotype and reputation.
"Just needed some fresh air," he evaded the inquiry telling the truth.
"Yeah right, the fresh air of a smoky back alley. Are you okay? You know," the stranger stepped closer, "if you need me to take care of that guy for you…" The dark eyes left nothing to imagination.
The mental image of this bull walking up to Akanishi, fake gold rings connecting with his landlord’s jaw overcame him.
"No need, thank you," he certainly did not want that.
"Is he your lover?"
"That is none of your business," Kamenashi decided, pushing himself away from the wall. He felt the other was trying to corner him, verbally, physically, both… he did not like that feeling and wished he had never left the dance floor. As the small voice in the back of his head told him that he would not be entirely averse to Akanishi running in on them at this point in time either. But some well-aimed neuron fire shut that voice up.
"Well, the way you looked past him, surely meant you were not going exclusive," the bull decided, making Kamenashi wonder just how obvious he had been, if even that no-brainer could have picked up on that. The desire to get back into the club increased, but the other was blocking the door, and did not seem in the mood just to let him through.
Oh well, Kamenashi thought, it was just too obvious what this guy with his bad eyebrow problem was looking for, he could give him a taste of it without problems, using his assets. That’s what it was. Now in turn he took a step towards the other, shortening the distance between them considerably.
"Maybe," he breathed, wetting his lips. "Maybe not."
The bull took that as an invitation, apparently, closing the distance as chapped lips met perfectly glossed ones.
As fate demands, that moment the door opened and a sweaty Akanishi Jin stuck out his head looking for his tenant. Not enjoying the view one bit he slammed the door shut, disappearing back into the club. The evening, no, the whole deal was done with.
Kamenashi, hearing the slam of the door did not need long to put one and one together. Pushing himself away from the stranger, he did not even take the time to bitchslap the man before hurrying back and following the retreating shape of his landlord’s back until finally and in the middle of the dance floor catching up with him. He pulled the other one around by his shoulder.
"This was not what you think it was," he yelled over the music, struggling to get himself heard.
"Whatever," Akanishi turned again, but Kamenashi was not letting him go like that. Not after this agreement.
"Let me explain!"
"No. You were to be mine, you decided against it. Get out," there was no question as to what Akanishi was referring to. The apartment, and by the look on his face he meant immediately, too.
Hi (ex-)landlord walked away then, leaving Kamenashi stunned. It could not end like this. Akanishi was just being emotional. He would get over it. Or wouldn’t he?
After catching a ride back to the apartment, Kamenashi decided that the flat’s owner probably would not when he saw a packed suitcase in front of the locked house door. A note told him to get the rest of his shit when Akanishi was not around, and then to stay the hell out of his life.
The young man swallowed, not wanting to run into his landlord on accident now, he took the suitcase, carrying it down a few blocks just to sit down on a lonely bench.
He felt dirty for the first time in his life. For what he had done, what he had allowed Akanishi to do; only to run away from his life, kicking him out. Kamenashi wished for nothing more than a shower, but as a slight rain threatened to set in he was close to add a few droplets of his own. How could the world, how could fate unite against him like this? He had done nothing wrong… had he?
The rain was getting heavier and yet Kamenashi was unwilling to go through the mental list of his options; it was not a very long one to begin with. Instead, Akanishi’s words were resounding in his head. It had been easy enough to guess that the rich brat thought Kamenashi was taking him out of his money to spend the night in what he might consider more favorable.
But why these thoughts all of a sudden. Akanishi had asked him, way in the beginning and before he had moved in whether he was single. But since then it had never been a topic between them and Kamenashi had gone through with their arrangement. And tonight, Akanishi had called him mine.
Bought like a filthy chunk of meat.
~~~~~
White fury resided slowly in his head. Akanishi did not know where it had come from, the view in that back alley had sparked it, certainly, but he expected a more close traitor to be the actual origin of it - his heart. He knew he was not being rational about any of this.
But why should he be? He had the right not to be rational. He had earned it, paid for it in green bills. Ethics and ‘do’s and ‘don’t’s could be overridden if you paid the right price, he had learned that from an early age. He did not want to eat his asparagus, his mother would offer him a new toy car if he ate it. Later, when he did not want to go to college, his father raised his stipend for every semester he passed by a considerable amount.
That was how the world functioned.
Yet, something was not functioning right now.
The fury was now almost gone and it left behind a feeling of emptiness. He was not lonely, Akanishi told himself. He could call up various friends and colleagues who would immediately agree to spend the next day or ten with him, but that was not what he wanted, he realized. As he tried to put a finger on what he wanted, deeply in thought, his feet answered the question for him.
Suddenly he stood in the center of the room Kamenashi had been occupying, the evidence of his rampant suitcase packing still evident in the closet and on the bed. Maybe his heart tried to tell him that he had not wanted Kamenashi to leave, but even if that was true, and he could muster the courage to own up to that, it had not been his decision!
Kamenashi had decided that for himself. With being no longer available for him, he had broken their deal, calling it off by way of pushing is tongue into the throat of that, that… that bull!
Slamming the door shut behind him, Akanishi left the dreadful room. The fury had regained parts of his vision, igniting anything that reminded him of his ex-tenant in white cold flames. His fault, Akanishi repeated like a mantra. His decision. His fault. His fucking own damn decision, He had asked to be thrown out, like literally, after accepting that night’s payment. Should he get fucking happy with that bull for all that his ex-landlord cared.
Only that Akanishi did care and he just could not quench that tiny whisper of doubt for ever. He was lying in bed, his mind no longer occupied by endless cursing tirades, but trying to clear away so sleep could overcome him. He was not having much success, because the voice was growing in volume. It was not making sense yet, but the words started to form a general idea…
… mistake…
…misunderstanding?
… hear him…
…. Blind…
He was tossing and turning, but the voice did not shut up so he found himself arguing back.
He did not make a mistake, his eyes had shown him all too clearly what Kamenashi had left him in the middle of the dance floor for. Toilet, yeah right.
Cannot have been a misunderstanding, it needed two for a kiss and he had certainly been frozen to that spot behind the door to the alleyway for what felt like decades at least.
He had been totally right not to hear Kamenashi out, too. He would have found excuses, maybe he would have even listened to him, some small part of Akanishi apparently wanted to be convinced by him. But no, instead he had been strong, made his decision, stuck with it, not looking back. Love was a business, and he knew how to play those.
Blind… he was not he had seen with his own eyes, he had…
But the tiny voice interrupted him, swollen to the thunder of a tornado.
Only that Akanishi did care and he just could not quench that tiny whisper of doubt for ever. He was lying in bed, his mind no longer occupied by endless cursing tirades, but trying to clear away so sleep could overcome him when the voice grew in volume. It was not making sense yet, but the words started to form a general idea…
… mistake…
…misunderstanding?
… hear him out…
…. Blind…
He was tossing and turning, and the voice would not shut up, so he found himself arguing back.
He did not make a mistake, his eyes had shown him all too clearly what Kamenashi had left him in the middle of the dance floor for. Toilet, yeah right.
Could not have been a misunderstanding, it needed two for a kiss and he had certainly been frozen to that spot behind the door to the alleyway for what felt like decades at least.
He had been totally right not to hear Kamenashi out, too. His ex-tenant would have found excuses, maybe he would have even listened to him, some small part apparently wanted to be convinced by him. But no, instead he had been strong, made his decision, stuck with it, not looking back. Love was a business, and he knew how to play those.
Blind… he was not, he had seen with his own eyes, he had…
But the tiny voice interrupted him, swollen to the thunder of a tornado.
Blind and a liar, lying to yourself, the thunder accused him. You have no right to call him yours when you never told him!
"Told him what?" Akanishi yelled at nothing in particular, but all of a sudden there was only quiet in his head. He sunk his head back onto the pillow, face first, and he allowed himself to scream out his frustration.
Akanishi knew what the voice meant.
Somehow he passed the night. It would have been too lame for him to react immediately, after all. Then there was also the how. Akanishi knew that Kamenashi would not pick up his call. He could dial from a telephone booth, he knew there had to be one… around… somewhere. Then again, he was sure Kamenashi would hang up the second he heard his voice. The other was very hard-headed as well.
Text message. He decided, but as he started typing Akanishi realized that his ex-tenant would not read anything coming directly from him. He needed to text message from a new number.
Ten minutes and a visit to the Docomo shop down the block later, Akanishi unwrapped his new cell phone. He had to buy a costly contract to get a ready-to-call device; it had come with a very long terribly-complicated number. Kamenashi would never suspect.
The text writing program was blinking on his screen, waiting for his input when he stalled again. It had never been his strong point to put feelings into words.
~~~~~
Kamenashi had invested into a cheap ryokan for the night. It was only prolonging the due decision that he was not yet ready to take, and he knew that. He could not face up to just them yet.
He was missing a group meeting for one of his classes as he sat and ate the sparse breakfast the old dude who owned the ryokan had provided him with. Thus, when his cell beeped, showing a new message had been received from an unfamiliar number he expected a reprimand. Or questioning where he was, if he was lucky.
The message did contain a "where are you?" but only after the "I am sorry" and just before the "can we talk?".
There was no signature, but Kamenashi knew who had texted him. He took a deep breath. Now Akanishi wanted to talk, but would he hear him out? Or would he just take the chance to vent of his anger? And could he himself deal with Akanishi now?
Then the memories came back, those times in the hotel rooms. Those nights when Akanishi had shattered his layers, had gotten too close, mentally, right inside his mind.
Akanishi had ignited something then. Something Kamenashi had thought terribly inappropriate, for their deal, position in life, and his total efficient self. He had had no time, no interest, for those kind of feelings. And he still did not have either.
However, the voice in his head did not let him back down after the other had made the first step, it would be cowardly. Kamenashi finished his breakfast, there was absolutely no need for him to seem rushed or overeager now. Then he texted back, the name of a small izakaya they had been to a few times before and a time stamp. That afternoon.
~~~~~
Akanishi and Kamenashi met, both aware of their feelings, both unable or unwilling to verbalize them to the other. It was not what they had bargained for. But they were both there, something really close to hope guiding them, both clutching to the slim chance of a favorable turn-out.
There was no magic understanding between them. No glistering in each other’s eyes and no wordless communication.
There were words, bitter, rushed, painful for the speaker as well as the listener. But they did find a common ground in the long-ignored feelings.
Many things would need to change.
But they could change them.
Kamenashi would let Akanishi unravel his layers, but also let him know what he was feeling. Likewise, Akanishi would no longer pay him for anything, he had learned that this was an issue money could not solve.
As they left the izakaya a couple of hours later, nothing was splendid. They had not found the miraculous solution to everything. Then again, neither of them had expected that.
Instead, they left the izakaya together and that was all that counted.
~The End~
By: paddyabroad
Pairing: Jin/Kame
Word count: 3935
Rating: PG-13
Genre/Warnings: Angst AU, rough language and topics
Notes: I had a bit of a hard time with the prompt, but I hope to have managed something you will like.
Summary: Kame rents a room from Jin, and their arrangement is rather peculiar. Then one night…
"Put something less disgraceful on." Akanishi put a 1000 Yen bill onto the dinner table, making Kamenashi look up from his cup ramen. The younger one pocketed the money, pushing it into the tummy pouch of his oversized hooded sweater. He slurped on some more noodles.
"Now."
"Okay, okay," picking his food up the younger man headed for his bedroom. Experience had taught him that leaving food unattended with Akanishi around was only safe for anorexic people, which he was not, thank you very much.
Kamenashi was renting the five by four meter room from Akanishi, sharing both kitchen and bathroom with the other man. But the deal was rather special by nature. He put the ramen aside to pick a tight pair of jeans from his closet, adding a couple of layers of shirts that all combined were not a tenth as spacious as the previous hoodie. He would not wear leather or the like for under 3000. Akanishi knew that, too.
His cup ramen once again in hand, Kamenashi returned to the table. Before flopping back onto his chair he turned around once, giving Akanishi the full 360, almost cheekily; he knew the dark eyes were fixed on him even though the other made no sound.
No demand for more, no verbal approval either. Kamenashi was glad for that as it meant he ran a chance of finishing his dinner.
Yes, his contract with his landlord was special. Kamenashi paid his rent with the money the other would previously have given him. Akanishi was wealthy to say the least. He had never not been able to buy something he had really wanted. Currently, Kamenashi was one of those things.
He had been thrown out from his old place, and was desperately looking for a new but affordable place when his not so close friend had made the offer. Akanishi could have just let him stay for free, but that had not been in the older one’s intention. He had wanted Kamenashi for a long time and this had been his chance.
Kamenashi did not think of himself as a whore, just as a morally flexible young man, making the best of his assets - he had accepted.
There was a contract, of course, not just for the rent, but foremost to organize the additional deal. It said there that each transaction should be handled individually and that Kamenashi always held the final right to decline.
In turn Akanishi held the sole right to initiate anything and set a price - there would be no bargaining. But the tenant had found out fairly soon that his landlord was not too stingy and often left the details of his bought service up to Kamenashi’s estimation.
The choice of clothes had been befitting the monetary gain and made both parties appreciate the deal as was the idea.
"Are you free tonight?" Akanishi asked after having watched the younger one eating for a while.
"Maybe," Kamenashi replied vaguely. He had no true plans, but that officially depended on Akanishi’s offer. The younger one had been expecting something as it had been a while and the end of the month was approaching rapidly.
Of course, his landlord was all too aware of his financial income and knew he was just barely short of next month’s rent. They played with open cards, both of them - but that did not mean Kamenashi would agree to just anything.
"I would offer you the usual," Akanishi did not weaver in his pricings, hardly offering extras.
"Staying home?"
"I was thinking of hitting the clubs, then getting a room," Akanishi smirked at him. They had played this game often enough, Kamenashi knew of all the implications.
Staying home was Akanishi-speak for a leisure night, taking it slow and spending much time on foreplay. For him those nights started relaxed, but his rich landlord for some reason had considerable stamina, enough to become a challenge to him as the night grows longer. Then again it was not like he had to do too much himself, leaning back, letting Akanishi be, getting some pleasure of his own here and there - all together staying home was usually a good option for Kamenashi.
Going out, or hitting the clubs meant partying until his landlord’s crotch and primary brain got the better of him. During those times Kamenashi usually found himself dragged to the bathrooms, an alleyway or a VIP room when he was lucky. Those nights would end just as abruptly as they tended to start, too. After built up adrenaline and energy had been released, fatigue and sleepiness commonly took their place. Kamenashi was glad whenever he got his householder back to their apartment complex before the older one zonked out after that.
Then there was the third option.
Getting a room.
That was less easily-earned money and the proposal Kamenashi was more likely to deny, as he had done in the past. Of course, Akanishi knew, posing it to the end of the month. His tenant wondered what happened if he declined. Would the other give him another chance to earn his rent? And if he did, would it be the same offer? Or a worse one? And if not, would he kick him out if Kamenashi could not pay on the 31st?
Above all, would he dare to find out about the consequences or could he swallow the pill tonight? After all, it did not disturb him per se, but it did go a layer closer than Kamenashi would like his landlord to come and with having the other sleep with him there were certainly not too many of these layers left.
Then again, whom was he kidding? This was not the first time Akanishi proposed getting a room and Kamenashi had agreed to it in the past, even after knowing what was in store for him. Maybe he just needed to be in the right mood for it. Or to delude himself. Which brought him back to the question at hand. Should he accept the offer or not?
It was only the normal deal, no extra money… but he liked partying and Akanishi would come up for the drinks.
"Let’s go," Kamenashi had made a decision and he conceded before he could backtrack. Again.
~~~~~
He tried to make the voice in the back of his head shut up, but that high-pitched thought had always aimed for center-stage of his frontal lobe. Kamenashi took the short ride to the club quietly, listening to Akanishi and his hopes for the right music. He was hardly thinking about the hotel night at that point.
Once they were in the club, a first colorful drink with a little straw umbrella in hand, Kamenashi was still not dreading the night too much. He was not remembering the last time, which had chilled him to the bone. He did not remember that it was exciting, and how he had felt so much more.
Instead he was enjoying the loud beat of the drums from the live band, drowning out Akanishi’s voice. He allowed his landlord to guide him to the dance floor, leaving his half-consumed drink abandoned on some random table - money was not an issue this night. Kamenashi moved with the rhythm, with the beat, closer to the other body in front of him. With the body in front of him.
He could not help but to second guess his own fears when this was fine, grinding so close against each other that not even a stamp would be able to squeeze between them He could even enjoy it, but the thoughts of the last few times kept resurfacing, the love hotel room, Akanishi diminishing him to his non-visual senses, anticipation, no chance to expect only to react…
A shiver ran down his spine and he realized that the cold sweat cooling his skin was not only from the heated club atmosphere. He needed to cool down, mentally; he took a step back in the middle of the dance floor. Maybe he could catch some air, regain his bearings, this was getting ridiculous after all.
Kamenashi signaled for the restrooms, knowing this was not one of those nights his landlord would follow him. Perhaps that was the reason why he missed the shade sneaking after him as he did not head for the room with the male stick-figure on it, but the side door leading into the back alley - just a quick breather - he told himself, he was not running from anything.
"Now what did that ass do to have you running away like that?"
The door to the club had opened and a tall guy was looking at him, a slick eyebrow raised. Kamenashi was startled, he had not expected this, and the stranger had not even caught his attention as he must have been watching them. But the young man had his façade up, multiple layers of indestructible image, stereotype and reputation.
"Just needed some fresh air," he evaded the inquiry telling the truth.
"Yeah right, the fresh air of a smoky back alley. Are you okay? You know," the stranger stepped closer, "if you need me to take care of that guy for you…" The dark eyes left nothing to imagination.
The mental image of this bull walking up to Akanishi, fake gold rings connecting with his landlord’s jaw overcame him.
"No need, thank you," he certainly did not want that.
"Is he your lover?"
"That is none of your business," Kamenashi decided, pushing himself away from the wall. He felt the other was trying to corner him, verbally, physically, both… he did not like that feeling and wished he had never left the dance floor. As the small voice in the back of his head told him that he would not be entirely averse to Akanishi running in on them at this point in time either. But some well-aimed neuron fire shut that voice up.
"Well, the way you looked past him, surely meant you were not going exclusive," the bull decided, making Kamenashi wonder just how obvious he had been, if even that no-brainer could have picked up on that. The desire to get back into the club increased, but the other was blocking the door, and did not seem in the mood just to let him through.
Oh well, Kamenashi thought, it was just too obvious what this guy with his bad eyebrow problem was looking for, he could give him a taste of it without problems, using his assets. That’s what it was. Now in turn he took a step towards the other, shortening the distance between them considerably.
"Maybe," he breathed, wetting his lips. "Maybe not."
The bull took that as an invitation, apparently, closing the distance as chapped lips met perfectly glossed ones.
As fate demands, that moment the door opened and a sweaty Akanishi Jin stuck out his head looking for his tenant. Not enjoying the view one bit he slammed the door shut, disappearing back into the club. The evening, no, the whole deal was done with.
Kamenashi, hearing the slam of the door did not need long to put one and one together. Pushing himself away from the stranger, he did not even take the time to bitchslap the man before hurrying back and following the retreating shape of his landlord’s back until finally and in the middle of the dance floor catching up with him. He pulled the other one around by his shoulder.
"This was not what you think it was," he yelled over the music, struggling to get himself heard.
"Whatever," Akanishi turned again, but Kamenashi was not letting him go like that. Not after this agreement.
"Let me explain!"
"No. You were to be mine, you decided against it. Get out," there was no question as to what Akanishi was referring to. The apartment, and by the look on his face he meant immediately, too.
Hi (ex-)landlord walked away then, leaving Kamenashi stunned. It could not end like this. Akanishi was just being emotional. He would get over it. Or wouldn’t he?
After catching a ride back to the apartment, Kamenashi decided that the flat’s owner probably would not when he saw a packed suitcase in front of the locked house door. A note told him to get the rest of his shit when Akanishi was not around, and then to stay the hell out of his life.
The young man swallowed, not wanting to run into his landlord on accident now, he took the suitcase, carrying it down a few blocks just to sit down on a lonely bench.
He felt dirty for the first time in his life. For what he had done, what he had allowed Akanishi to do; only to run away from his life, kicking him out. Kamenashi wished for nothing more than a shower, but as a slight rain threatened to set in he was close to add a few droplets of his own. How could the world, how could fate unite against him like this? He had done nothing wrong… had he?
The rain was getting heavier and yet Kamenashi was unwilling to go through the mental list of his options; it was not a very long one to begin with. Instead, Akanishi’s words were resounding in his head. It had been easy enough to guess that the rich brat thought Kamenashi was taking him out of his money to spend the night in what he might consider more favorable.
But why these thoughts all of a sudden. Akanishi had asked him, way in the beginning and before he had moved in whether he was single. But since then it had never been a topic between them and Kamenashi had gone through with their arrangement. And tonight, Akanishi had called him mine.
Bought like a filthy chunk of meat.
~~~~~
White fury resided slowly in his head. Akanishi did not know where it had come from, the view in that back alley had sparked it, certainly, but he expected a more close traitor to be the actual origin of it - his heart. He knew he was not being rational about any of this.
But why should he be? He had the right not to be rational. He had earned it, paid for it in green bills. Ethics and ‘do’s and ‘don’t’s could be overridden if you paid the right price, he had learned that from an early age. He did not want to eat his asparagus, his mother would offer him a new toy car if he ate it. Later, when he did not want to go to college, his father raised his stipend for every semester he passed by a considerable amount.
That was how the world functioned.
Yet, something was not functioning right now.
The fury was now almost gone and it left behind a feeling of emptiness. He was not lonely, Akanishi told himself. He could call up various friends and colleagues who would immediately agree to spend the next day or ten with him, but that was not what he wanted, he realized. As he tried to put a finger on what he wanted, deeply in thought, his feet answered the question for him.
Suddenly he stood in the center of the room Kamenashi had been occupying, the evidence of his rampant suitcase packing still evident in the closet and on the bed. Maybe his heart tried to tell him that he had not wanted Kamenashi to leave, but even if that was true, and he could muster the courage to own up to that, it had not been his decision!
Kamenashi had decided that for himself. With being no longer available for him, he had broken their deal, calling it off by way of pushing is tongue into the throat of that, that… that bull!
Slamming the door shut behind him, Akanishi left the dreadful room. The fury had regained parts of his vision, igniting anything that reminded him of his ex-tenant in white cold flames. His fault, Akanishi repeated like a mantra. His decision. His fault. His fucking own damn decision, He had asked to be thrown out, like literally, after accepting that night’s payment. Should he get fucking happy with that bull for all that his ex-landlord cared.
Only that Akanishi did care and he just could not quench that tiny whisper of doubt for ever. He was lying in bed, his mind no longer occupied by endless cursing tirades, but trying to clear away so sleep could overcome him. He was not having much success, because the voice was growing in volume. It was not making sense yet, but the words started to form a general idea…
… mistake…
…misunderstanding?
… hear him…
…. Blind…
He was tossing and turning, but the voice did not shut up so he found himself arguing back.
He did not make a mistake, his eyes had shown him all too clearly what Kamenashi had left him in the middle of the dance floor for. Toilet, yeah right.
Cannot have been a misunderstanding, it needed two for a kiss and he had certainly been frozen to that spot behind the door to the alleyway for what felt like decades at least.
He had been totally right not to hear Kamenashi out, too. He would have found excuses, maybe he would have even listened to him, some small part of Akanishi apparently wanted to be convinced by him. But no, instead he had been strong, made his decision, stuck with it, not looking back. Love was a business, and he knew how to play those.
Blind… he was not he had seen with his own eyes, he had…
But the tiny voice interrupted him, swollen to the thunder of a tornado.
Only that Akanishi did care and he just could not quench that tiny whisper of doubt for ever. He was lying in bed, his mind no longer occupied by endless cursing tirades, but trying to clear away so sleep could overcome him when the voice grew in volume. It was not making sense yet, but the words started to form a general idea…
… mistake…
…misunderstanding?
… hear him out…
…. Blind…
He was tossing and turning, and the voice would not shut up, so he found himself arguing back.
He did not make a mistake, his eyes had shown him all too clearly what Kamenashi had left him in the middle of the dance floor for. Toilet, yeah right.
Could not have been a misunderstanding, it needed two for a kiss and he had certainly been frozen to that spot behind the door to the alleyway for what felt like decades at least.
He had been totally right not to hear Kamenashi out, too. His ex-tenant would have found excuses, maybe he would have even listened to him, some small part apparently wanted to be convinced by him. But no, instead he had been strong, made his decision, stuck with it, not looking back. Love was a business, and he knew how to play those.
Blind… he was not, he had seen with his own eyes, he had…
But the tiny voice interrupted him, swollen to the thunder of a tornado.
Blind and a liar, lying to yourself, the thunder accused him. You have no right to call him yours when you never told him!
"Told him what?" Akanishi yelled at nothing in particular, but all of a sudden there was only quiet in his head. He sunk his head back onto the pillow, face first, and he allowed himself to scream out his frustration.
Akanishi knew what the voice meant.
Somehow he passed the night. It would have been too lame for him to react immediately, after all. Then there was also the how. Akanishi knew that Kamenashi would not pick up his call. He could dial from a telephone booth, he knew there had to be one… around… somewhere. Then again, he was sure Kamenashi would hang up the second he heard his voice. The other was very hard-headed as well.
Text message. He decided, but as he started typing Akanishi realized that his ex-tenant would not read anything coming directly from him. He needed to text message from a new number.
Ten minutes and a visit to the Docomo shop down the block later, Akanishi unwrapped his new cell phone. He had to buy a costly contract to get a ready-to-call device; it had come with a very long terribly-complicated number. Kamenashi would never suspect.
The text writing program was blinking on his screen, waiting for his input when he stalled again. It had never been his strong point to put feelings into words.
~~~~~
Kamenashi had invested into a cheap ryokan for the night. It was only prolonging the due decision that he was not yet ready to take, and he knew that. He could not face up to just them yet.
He was missing a group meeting for one of his classes as he sat and ate the sparse breakfast the old dude who owned the ryokan had provided him with. Thus, when his cell beeped, showing a new message had been received from an unfamiliar number he expected a reprimand. Or questioning where he was, if he was lucky.
The message did contain a "where are you?" but only after the "I am sorry" and just before the "can we talk?".
There was no signature, but Kamenashi knew who had texted him. He took a deep breath. Now Akanishi wanted to talk, but would he hear him out? Or would he just take the chance to vent of his anger? And could he himself deal with Akanishi now?
Then the memories came back, those times in the hotel rooms. Those nights when Akanishi had shattered his layers, had gotten too close, mentally, right inside his mind.
Akanishi had ignited something then. Something Kamenashi had thought terribly inappropriate, for their deal, position in life, and his total efficient self. He had had no time, no interest, for those kind of feelings. And he still did not have either.
However, the voice in his head did not let him back down after the other had made the first step, it would be cowardly. Kamenashi finished his breakfast, there was absolutely no need for him to seem rushed or overeager now. Then he texted back, the name of a small izakaya they had been to a few times before and a time stamp. That afternoon.
~~~~~
Akanishi and Kamenashi met, both aware of their feelings, both unable or unwilling to verbalize them to the other. It was not what they had bargained for. But they were both there, something really close to hope guiding them, both clutching to the slim chance of a favorable turn-out.
There was no magic understanding between them. No glistering in each other’s eyes and no wordless communication.
There were words, bitter, rushed, painful for the speaker as well as the listener. But they did find a common ground in the long-ignored feelings.
Many things would need to change.
But they could change them.
Kamenashi would let Akanishi unravel his layers, but also let him know what he was feeling. Likewise, Akanishi would no longer pay him for anything, he had learned that this was an issue money could not solve.
As they left the izakaya a couple of hours later, nothing was splendid. They had not found the miraculous solution to everything. Then again, neither of them had expected that.
Instead, they left the izakaya together and that was all that counted.
~The End~