fic for helicoptersky
Title: Jin and Kame Make a Porno(graphic Fanfic)
By: katmillia
Character/Pairing: Jin/Kame, T-TUN; cameos by other agency members
Word count: 3435
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language
Notes: helicoptersky, I very much hope you enjoy this. :) Much thanks to my quick and highly amazing beta for her lightning-fast work with this! And apologies for the massive blockquote abuse happening within.
Summary: Stuck in traffic together in a car, Jin and Kame discover their creative sides (but don't expect this getting optioned as a film script anytime soon.)
"Oh my god, look outside the window," Jin says, face pressed against. The driver is going to have to wash the glass tomorrow just to get the fingerprints off. "The cars are not moving. Not even at all."
"Not at all?" Kame asks. It's only because Jin sounds forlorn and upset that he takes his ear buds out and glances out his own window to see that Jin is right: the cars are bumper to bumper and not moving an inch. "Shit."
"Double shit," Jin says. "We have to be at this stupid Myojo shoot-"
"-you know, doing a photo shoot with your former band mates is not stupid," Kame snips, and Jin ignores him, as usual.
"-in like, less than an hour or something."
The prospect of being stuck in the back of a company car with Jin, nine months after the fact or not, is not very appealing to Kame. After all, he'd just last weekend watched the highlights of Jin's Japanese concert tour with a sour taste in the back of this throat. KAT-TUN has mentioned Jin in passing and vague allegory twice, but Jin has yet to do the same. It's almost like KAT-TUN can't go on without his mention, but Jin can go on just fine without looking back.
Kame leans forward and raps his knuckles on the glass separating them from the (no doubt discreet and quiet) driver. "Excuse me," he says, "but could you possibly try taking us down the back way to the studio or something, because this is very important."
"Sorry," the driver says. "I can't even switch lanes. Traffic is completely stopped."
Kame slumps back in his seat.
"I'm texting Taguchi," Jin informs him, nose about a half inch away from his phone. "I'm telling him to get on the damn train."
--
"You're so selfish."
"You're more selfish."
"Everything is always about you."
"Oh, excuse me, Mr. Front of Every Photograph Ever Taken, you're one to talk."
"You know, at least I acknowledge what my band and band mates have done for me."
"I acknowledge you!"
"When is the last time you even mentioned us on record?"
".... well, I might mention you in the acknowledgements of my first album. But not you. Just everyone else. Because you suck that much."
"Get your leg off my side."
"Oh my god, Kame, what are you, five? I'm not on your side."
"You are too, move your leg. No, move it back. Seriously, move it or lose it."
"Lose it? What are you going to do, gnaw it off? What are you- HEY. Stop it!"
"I told you to move your leg."
"OW, WHAT THE FUCK, YOU CAN'T PULL LEG HAIR. Oh that's it, this is war, you-- ow-- no, fuck-- OW."
"Will you stop being so noisy? You're going to distract the driver!"
"Distract him from what? We're not even moving!"
"This is the worst car ride ever."
"You're telling me. I hate my life so much right now."
--
It takes awhile for Kame to notice that Jin is furiously typing on his netbook. Kame didn't even know Jin had brought his computer with him, but at some point in his playlist, the other man had pulled it out of his bag and is now sitting with it on his lap, inputting characters like a mad man. Kame watches him for a few minutes, and finally leans over to see what he's writing.
"... and then Jin pushes Kame out of the car and-" Kame reads aloud, before Jin makes several sputtering noises and snatches his netbook away again.
"HEY!" Jin cries. "You can't just read people's private computer screens!"
"When you're writing about me, I can," Kame says, and tugs the machine back over. "What the hell is this? Are you writing a story about me because you are mad at me?"
Jin glares at him. "No."
Obviously, that means yes.
"Give me that," Kame demands.
Jin hugs his netbook protectively to his chest. "No!"
"I'm going to fix whatever stupid story you are writing," Kame tells him. He tugs on the thing again, and after a few minutes, manages to grab it enough to where he can get one hand on the keyboard.
He scans the passage and frowns. "You need an editor and there's only one paragraph so far."
"Shut up," Jin says, scowling.
The Real and True Story of How Jin Saved the World
One day, there is a really super annoying guy named Kame who thinks everything goes his way all the time and that he should be the star of every show, including the ones he isn't even cast in. But everyone's most favorite person Jin, who everyone knows should actually be the star of every show but is too humble and modest to want all those leading rolls...
"Roles," Kame says, and retypes it. "You aren't served with butter. How did you pass Composition class in junior high?"
"Shut up," Jin says. His cheeks go red.
... decides to stop Kame's evil reign once and for all. He corners Kame in the back of Kame's expensive limo that is stupid and smells like girly perfume, and throws him out of the car.
"Give it back," Jin cries, and reaches for the netbook, but Kame is faster and besides, now he's mad, because Jin can't even get his characterization right.
"I'm helping," Kame tells him, typing in a new bit off of what Jin has already written.
However, Kame sees that Jin is drunk and drugged out of his mind from about three straight days of binge-drinking and club-hopping, and hopes to stop the deranged megalomaniac from doing any further damage to the public of Japan. He grabs a hold of the door handle as Jin shoves him out in an acid-induced rage...
"Acid-induced rage?!" Jin squawks, indignant. "Kame, you don't even know what an acid trip is like!"
"Neither do you," Kame tells him, fingers flying. "Maybe you're lost in a k-hole."
Jin lunges for the netbook and misses. "KAME, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A K-HOLE IS, EITHER."
... and tries to reason with the deluded, pathetic man.
"You don't want to do this!" Kame says, sneakers scraping the concrete as the car continues down the highway. "You want to get help and rethink your life!"
Jin finally manages to snatch his computer back. "Ugh, what the fuck is this," he says, fingers immediately settling over the keys.
Except that Jin doesn't want to rethink his life because his life is AWESOME. Jin is actually secretly a ninja assassin, sent by the most powerful ninja association WARNER to kill those who oppose their glorious and illusutreous....
"You spelled it wrong," Kame says, over Jin's shoulder as he reads. "Nope, still wrong. No. No. Jin, there's no e in 'illustrious'."
....illustrious mission.
"You have to die!" Jin says to Kame's flapping form. "Now, prepare to meet your maker!"
Jin pulls out a set of three ninja stars that he sharpened just that morning and prepares to throw them. Fortunately, his aim is perfect, since he spent three years of his childhood being trained by the finest ninjas in all of Japan, on the rugged slopes of Mt. Fuji.
Kame snorts. "Mt. Fuji, really? There's no way you could get a ninja training camp in there with all the tourists and hikers and-"
"KAME, THIS IS NOT YOUR STORY," Jin cries, and shoves him away.
The seatbelt prevents Kame from really going anywhere, and he grabs the netbook back.
Jin tries to throw, but he never really trained with moving vehicles so his throwing stars go wide. Plus, Kame is actually a spy from the future, who traveled back in time to save the future World President from death at the hands of bloodthirsty robots hell-bent on destruction.
Kame dodges the stars and jumps onto the back of the car, balancing with his superior skill even as the car continues to speed down the highway.
"You can't stop me!" he calls to Jin. "You haven't got the mettle!"
"Oh my god, what the hell is this?" Jin asks. He's annoying close to Kame's arm. "No one talks like this! Ugh, I should have known you write like a British girl or something."
Jin tries to climb onto the car, but his skills are nowhere near as good as Kame's, and he almost falls over twice. He smells like a speakeasy.
"I DO NOT SMELL LIKE A .... wait, what is that?" Jin asks. "Is that a cocktail?"
"No, you moron," Kame tells him, still typing. "It's a place to get cocktails."
"You're an ass," Jin hisses. "My cologne is Dior." He wrestles the netbook back.
Jin jumps off the back of the car onto his trusty steed, his unicorn named Sprinkles.
"Ha!" Jin cries, pointing at Kame's stupid-looking pants that probably cost like five million yen at 109 or something. "You have been tricked by your organization! They are villains! They are going to turn everyone in Japan into a mindless robot through bad pop music!"
"You know, you used to be part of this 'bad pop music'," Kame sniffs.
"No!" Kame cries, all dramatic like with a lot of screaming and shaking his fists at the sky. "How could I have been tricked?!"
Jin feels bad for him, but only because he was too simple to know any better. "Because your brain is very small," Jin tells him. "But I am feeling generous today, so I will let you join me if you promise to stop wearing clothes with feathers on them."
"Alright, that's it," Kame says, and grabs for the computer.
"Hey!" Jin cries. "Right in the middle of my big speech about my kind and big heart!"
Kame knows that Jin has been double-crossed by his ninja masters, who actually brainwashed him as an unwitting agent. But he lets Jin have his moment in the spotlight because he can see behind them a car fast approaching with license plates that read 'JOHNNY', and he knows that his arch nemesis is inside.
"Oh," Jin says, approvingly. "Nice touch." He whistles low.
"Quick!" Kame says. "We don't have much time! Johnny is going to take us both back to his lab and reprogram us to work for the robots!"
Jin looks scared. "No! We have to save Tokyo!"
"Ditch the car!" Kame orders. "We'll get through the city without it."
Jin's finger is poking Kame's shoulder. "Wait, wait, give it here, give it here," he insists, and Kame hands over the netbook.
"Get on Sprinkles!" Jin hollers. Kame jumps and lands on the back of the unicorn just as Johnny's big hearse-car catches up to them and one of the windows rolls down to reveal an evil henchman named Tegoshi.
Kame laughs and can't completely smother it with his hand. "Really?" he asks. "Tegoshi?"
"Well, he has that evil, creepy smile thing down," Jin says.
Tegoshi fires a stun-gun from the car window and Jin dodges them with some quick-thinking. He turns Sprinkles into an alleyway that the car can't follow because Johnny is obsessed with size and didn't think about when he would need the vehicle to turn tight corners.
"Up there!" Kame says, pointing at a fire escape next to the high-rise.
"Good idea," Jin tells him, and urges Sprinkles up into the air with his magical unicorn wings. They reach the top floor and find that the door is open, probably because the occupants didn't expect anyone to manage to get that far up while they weren't home.
Jin steps inside and makes sure there aren't any tripwires or booby traps. "Looks safe," he says, and puts his shuriken away.
"Oh, I have an idea," Kame says, pulling the computer out of Jin's hands.
"Fine, but it better be good," Jin tells him, turning so that he can see the screen as Kame starts typing. "I was just about to get to the Femmebots."
"Oh, that is good," Kame says.
Kame holds out his hand. "I think there's someone coming," he says. There's a closet in the bedroom, and it seems half empty. "Quick! In there, hide. We don't know if they've already been overtaken."
Sprinkles flies off the balcony and the two jump into the closet, pulling the door shut. It's cramped and dark, but Kame can see out the crack of the door enough so that he has a full view of the front door to the apartment.
"They might be working for Johnny," he whispers to Jin, who can't seem to find a good place for his arm.
Jin has gone silent near Kame's shoulder, but Kame can hear him grinding his teeth a bit. When he glances up, Jin is chewing on his lower lip. Since he doesn't tell Kame to stop writing, Kame keeps going.
Two people walk in through the door; one is short and looks like he's scowling, and the other one is taller and wearing sunglasses. Kame recognizes him as the Most Wanted Evil Person on Earth from the future.
"Yamapi," Kame whispers to Jin.
There's an expression on Jin's face that Kame can't place as Jin grabs for the netbook and hauls it back over onto his lap.
"Don't screw this up," Kame warns, leaning in so he can still see the screen. "I set this up nicely."
"I won't," Jin says. His voice sounds kind of strained.
Jin sits back and his head hits one of the coats. He has heard of Yamapi from his ninja master. Yamapi has been trained in 345 different kinds of martial arts, including some that aren't even actual martial arts yet.
"I don't know if we can win," Jin says. "They're going to find us in here."
"Maybe not," Kame replies, but he doesn't sound very sure. He doesn't sound like he wants to go up against Yamapi and his henchman either.
Jin is a little afraid. He doesn't have his ninja sword that has been blessed by the tears of six virgin priestesses with him, and his stars might not do much if Yamapi dodges them.
"You know," he says, slowly, "I've always sort of admired you. You're really talented."
Jin isn't looking at him. Kame tugs the netbook away and breathes deep.
"Yeah," Kame replies. He sits down next to Jin on the floor, on some old shoes. "I've always sort of admired you, too. You always know what you want, you know? And how to get it. And you aren't afraid of it."
"Wait," Jin says, very quiet, still without looking at him. He doesn't pull the computer away; instead, he just sort of reaches over Kame's shoulder to type with one hand.
"I guess if I have to be killed with someone, I'd rather it be you," Jin says. "After everything we've been through together."
Kame's hands are shaking.
Kame swallows hard. "Same," he agrees. "You were my best friend."
He reaches over with one hand and finds Jin's fingers.
Jin's hands find the keyboard.
Jin curls his fingers around Kame's.
"I miss those days," Jin says. "When we were best friends. Saving the world together."
It seems like all the air in the car has been suctioned out, and Kame isn't sure when that happened. The ceiling is unbearably close and suffocating, and Jin is pressed close to Kame's arm and side. Kame can feel the other man's quick breathing through his shirt.
"Jin?" Kame asks.
Jin's teeth are making indentations on his lip when he types back his reply.
"Yeah?" Jin says.
It's now or never, really.
"I don't want to be best friends again," Kame tells him.
Kame can feel when Jin pulls away. The other man turns his face, but Kame catches a look before Jin can school his features into neutrality. He's going to lose it, and it's going to fall apart again, and he reaches out to grab Jin's elbow and tug him back.
"Wait," he says, and his voice is hoarse.
Jin's eyes are wary when he finally meets Kame's gaze. "This is stupid," he says. "A stupid story that doesn't mean anything."
"That's not true," Kame says. "I mean..." He can't find the words. Looking at Jin is making him nervous, and he can't get anything out. Frustrated, he types instead.
"I don't want to just be best friends," Kame says.
It seems to take Jin ages to read it, and then another eternity to type out the next line, but maybe it's just because Kame's heart is pounding in his chest.
"What else is there?"
Kame stares at the screen.
Something more, he types back. He doesn't look at Jin when he passes the netbook back into Jin's lap with enough force that it nearly topples down to their feet.
For a long moment, no one moves. It feels like forever. Kame is pretty sure he's stopped breathing at least three times, and he's afraid that whatever tenuous alliance was forged in the car will be broken all over again. He wills the car to move, just so that something can happen that isn't fueled by the man sitting next to him. His seatbelt feels as if it's choking him.
Then Jin's fingers are on his arm, on the inside of his elbow.
"Kazu," he says, and it sounds like he's sixteen again. Sixteen and sitting on the dock with his feet dangling in the water as he cracks jokes that Kame doesn't quite fully understand but laughs at anyway, just to see Jin's face break into a smile.
Kame doesn't get Jin's name out in response. Jin leans forward and kisses him and then that's all that Kame can see, all Kame can feel and hear. Jin doesn't kiss like Kame expected him to; he's more hesitant and fumbling, clanking their teeth together as he tries to angle himself into a better position around the seatbelt still clasped over his waist.
"A speakeasy?" Jin laughs against Kame's mouth, and Kame can feel the other man's laughter all the way through him.
"Pants that cost 5 million yen?" Kame shoots back.
Jin just laughs and his mouth opens, and Kame takes it as an invitation.
He's pretty sure Jin's computer falls down, but he's never been more glad for the company cars' tinted windows.
--
"You want us to what?" Nakamaru asks.
"We wrote a script!" Jin says, proudly. "We want to do the photo shoot based off our story."
Ueda is scanning the text with a furrowed brow. "How are we going to become Knights of the Round Table?" he asks.
"Oh, you mean knights who are secretly android clones?" Kame clarifies.
Ueda's face is frighteningly neutral. "Yes," he says, slowly. "That."
"Well, that comes after the big show down over the volcano," Jin says. "Maybe we can get some special effects added in later. Like with Photoshop."
"Wait," Kame says. "We'll need effects for the race around the galaxy, too."
Junno is still trying to get through his whole script, turning pages slowly. "I don't see that part," he says. "Are you sure it's in here?"
"Yes, I'm sure," Jin tells him. He leans in. "Look, see, it's right after the bit where I make a grand speech and wave around a flag with a bottle of gin on it."
"Wait a minute," Nakamaru says. His cheeks are pink. "Wait. Guys. These last pages. Uh..."
Kame looks at Jin. "Did you print out the whole thing or did you copy and paste the parts we wanted to share?"
There's a long second of mounting horror that's visible on Jin's face.
"Oh my god," Koki says. He's skipped to the end.
"This is pretty explicit sex," Ueda comments. "I'm not sure the magazine is going to let you guys do this, especially the part with Jin's leg around your-"
"GIVE ME THOSE," Jin shrieks, and makes a mad lunge at the others for the papers. He only manages to get Junno's before the others move out of the way and keep reading.
"Can you really use a seatbelt like this?" Koki asks.
Kame grabs the rest of the scripts. He should have printed them himself and not left that task to Jin. "Um."
"LOOK!" Jin cries out, pointing towards the far wall. "IT'S TEGOSHI WITH A STUN-GUN!"
He takes off like a shot towards the dressing rooms and Kame doesn't waste time following. They'll have to burn the evidence, but at least that should take care of most of it. Kame won't be able to look at his band mates directly for awhile.
It's a good thing he owns a lot of sunglasses.
By: katmillia
Character/Pairing: Jin/Kame, T-TUN; cameos by other agency members
Word count: 3435
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Language
Notes: helicoptersky, I very much hope you enjoy this. :) Much thanks to my quick and highly amazing beta for her lightning-fast work with this! And apologies for the massive blockquote abuse happening within.
Summary: Stuck in traffic together in a car, Jin and Kame discover their creative sides (but don't expect this getting optioned as a film script anytime soon.)
"Oh my god, look outside the window," Jin says, face pressed against. The driver is going to have to wash the glass tomorrow just to get the fingerprints off. "The cars are not moving. Not even at all."
"Not at all?" Kame asks. It's only because Jin sounds forlorn and upset that he takes his ear buds out and glances out his own window to see that Jin is right: the cars are bumper to bumper and not moving an inch. "Shit."
"Double shit," Jin says. "We have to be at this stupid Myojo shoot-"
"-you know, doing a photo shoot with your former band mates is not stupid," Kame snips, and Jin ignores him, as usual.
"-in like, less than an hour or something."
The prospect of being stuck in the back of a company car with Jin, nine months after the fact or not, is not very appealing to Kame. After all, he'd just last weekend watched the highlights of Jin's Japanese concert tour with a sour taste in the back of this throat. KAT-TUN has mentioned Jin in passing and vague allegory twice, but Jin has yet to do the same. It's almost like KAT-TUN can't go on without his mention, but Jin can go on just fine without looking back.
Kame leans forward and raps his knuckles on the glass separating them from the (no doubt discreet and quiet) driver. "Excuse me," he says, "but could you possibly try taking us down the back way to the studio or something, because this is very important."
"Sorry," the driver says. "I can't even switch lanes. Traffic is completely stopped."
Kame slumps back in his seat.
"I'm texting Taguchi," Jin informs him, nose about a half inch away from his phone. "I'm telling him to get on the damn train."
--
"You're so selfish."
"You're more selfish."
"Everything is always about you."
"Oh, excuse me, Mr. Front of Every Photograph Ever Taken, you're one to talk."
"You know, at least I acknowledge what my band and band mates have done for me."
"I acknowledge you!"
"When is the last time you even mentioned us on record?"
".... well, I might mention you in the acknowledgements of my first album. But not you. Just everyone else. Because you suck that much."
"Get your leg off my side."
"Oh my god, Kame, what are you, five? I'm not on your side."
"You are too, move your leg. No, move it back. Seriously, move it or lose it."
"Lose it? What are you going to do, gnaw it off? What are you- HEY. Stop it!"
"I told you to move your leg."
"OW, WHAT THE FUCK, YOU CAN'T PULL LEG HAIR. Oh that's it, this is war, you-- ow-- no, fuck-- OW."
"Will you stop being so noisy? You're going to distract the driver!"
"Distract him from what? We're not even moving!"
"This is the worst car ride ever."
"You're telling me. I hate my life so much right now."
--
It takes awhile for Kame to notice that Jin is furiously typing on his netbook. Kame didn't even know Jin had brought his computer with him, but at some point in his playlist, the other man had pulled it out of his bag and is now sitting with it on his lap, inputting characters like a mad man. Kame watches him for a few minutes, and finally leans over to see what he's writing.
"... and then Jin pushes Kame out of the car and-" Kame reads aloud, before Jin makes several sputtering noises and snatches his netbook away again.
"HEY!" Jin cries. "You can't just read people's private computer screens!"
"When you're writing about me, I can," Kame says, and tugs the machine back over. "What the hell is this? Are you writing a story about me because you are mad at me?"
Jin glares at him. "No."
Obviously, that means yes.
"Give me that," Kame demands.
Jin hugs his netbook protectively to his chest. "No!"
"I'm going to fix whatever stupid story you are writing," Kame tells him. He tugs on the thing again, and after a few minutes, manages to grab it enough to where he can get one hand on the keyboard.
He scans the passage and frowns. "You need an editor and there's only one paragraph so far."
"Shut up," Jin says, scowling.
The Real and True Story of How Jin Saved the World
One day, there is a really super annoying guy named Kame who thinks everything goes his way all the time and that he should be the star of every show, including the ones he isn't even cast in. But everyone's most favorite person Jin, who everyone knows should actually be the star of every show but is too humble and modest to want all those leading rolls...
"Roles," Kame says, and retypes it. "You aren't served with butter. How did you pass Composition class in junior high?"
"Shut up," Jin says. His cheeks go red.
... decides to stop Kame's evil reign once and for all. He corners Kame in the back of Kame's expensive limo that is stupid and smells like girly perfume, and throws him out of the car.
"Give it back," Jin cries, and reaches for the netbook, but Kame is faster and besides, now he's mad, because Jin can't even get his characterization right.
"I'm helping," Kame tells him, typing in a new bit off of what Jin has already written.
However, Kame sees that Jin is drunk and drugged out of his mind from about three straight days of binge-drinking and club-hopping, and hopes to stop the deranged megalomaniac from doing any further damage to the public of Japan. He grabs a hold of the door handle as Jin shoves him out in an acid-induced rage...
"Acid-induced rage?!" Jin squawks, indignant. "Kame, you don't even know what an acid trip is like!"
"Neither do you," Kame tells him, fingers flying. "Maybe you're lost in a k-hole."
Jin lunges for the netbook and misses. "KAME, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT A K-HOLE IS, EITHER."
... and tries to reason with the deluded, pathetic man.
"You don't want to do this!" Kame says, sneakers scraping the concrete as the car continues down the highway. "You want to get help and rethink your life!"
Jin finally manages to snatch his computer back. "Ugh, what the fuck is this," he says, fingers immediately settling over the keys.
Except that Jin doesn't want to rethink his life because his life is AWESOME. Jin is actually secretly a ninja assassin, sent by the most powerful ninja association WARNER to kill those who oppose their glorious and illusutreous....
"You spelled it wrong," Kame says, over Jin's shoulder as he reads. "Nope, still wrong. No. No. Jin, there's no e in 'illustrious'."
....illustrious mission.
"You have to die!" Jin says to Kame's flapping form. "Now, prepare to meet your maker!"
Jin pulls out a set of three ninja stars that he sharpened just that morning and prepares to throw them. Fortunately, his aim is perfect, since he spent three years of his childhood being trained by the finest ninjas in all of Japan, on the rugged slopes of Mt. Fuji.
Kame snorts. "Mt. Fuji, really? There's no way you could get a ninja training camp in there with all the tourists and hikers and-"
"KAME, THIS IS NOT YOUR STORY," Jin cries, and shoves him away.
The seatbelt prevents Kame from really going anywhere, and he grabs the netbook back.
Jin tries to throw, but he never really trained with moving vehicles so his throwing stars go wide. Plus, Kame is actually a spy from the future, who traveled back in time to save the future World President from death at the hands of bloodthirsty robots hell-bent on destruction.
Kame dodges the stars and jumps onto the back of the car, balancing with his superior skill even as the car continues to speed down the highway.
"You can't stop me!" he calls to Jin. "You haven't got the mettle!"
"Oh my god, what the hell is this?" Jin asks. He's annoying close to Kame's arm. "No one talks like this! Ugh, I should have known you write like a British girl or something."
Jin tries to climb onto the car, but his skills are nowhere near as good as Kame's, and he almost falls over twice. He smells like a speakeasy.
"I DO NOT SMELL LIKE A .... wait, what is that?" Jin asks. "Is that a cocktail?"
"No, you moron," Kame tells him, still typing. "It's a place to get cocktails."
"You're an ass," Jin hisses. "My cologne is Dior." He wrestles the netbook back.
Jin jumps off the back of the car onto his trusty steed, his unicorn named Sprinkles.
"Ha!" Jin cries, pointing at Kame's stupid-looking pants that probably cost like five million yen at 109 or something. "You have been tricked by your organization! They are villains! They are going to turn everyone in Japan into a mindless robot through bad pop music!"
"You know, you used to be part of this 'bad pop music'," Kame sniffs.
"No!" Kame cries, all dramatic like with a lot of screaming and shaking his fists at the sky. "How could I have been tricked?!"
Jin feels bad for him, but only because he was too simple to know any better. "Because your brain is very small," Jin tells him. "But I am feeling generous today, so I will let you join me if you promise to stop wearing clothes with feathers on them."
"Alright, that's it," Kame says, and grabs for the computer.
"Hey!" Jin cries. "Right in the middle of my big speech about my kind and big heart!"
Kame knows that Jin has been double-crossed by his ninja masters, who actually brainwashed him as an unwitting agent. But he lets Jin have his moment in the spotlight because he can see behind them a car fast approaching with license plates that read 'JOHNNY', and he knows that his arch nemesis is inside.
"Oh," Jin says, approvingly. "Nice touch." He whistles low.
"Quick!" Kame says. "We don't have much time! Johnny is going to take us both back to his lab and reprogram us to work for the robots!"
Jin looks scared. "No! We have to save Tokyo!"
"Ditch the car!" Kame orders. "We'll get through the city without it."
Jin's finger is poking Kame's shoulder. "Wait, wait, give it here, give it here," he insists, and Kame hands over the netbook.
"Get on Sprinkles!" Jin hollers. Kame jumps and lands on the back of the unicorn just as Johnny's big hearse-car catches up to them and one of the windows rolls down to reveal an evil henchman named Tegoshi.
Kame laughs and can't completely smother it with his hand. "Really?" he asks. "Tegoshi?"
"Well, he has that evil, creepy smile thing down," Jin says.
Tegoshi fires a stun-gun from the car window and Jin dodges them with some quick-thinking. He turns Sprinkles into an alleyway that the car can't follow because Johnny is obsessed with size and didn't think about when he would need the vehicle to turn tight corners.
"Up there!" Kame says, pointing at a fire escape next to the high-rise.
"Good idea," Jin tells him, and urges Sprinkles up into the air with his magical unicorn wings. They reach the top floor and find that the door is open, probably because the occupants didn't expect anyone to manage to get that far up while they weren't home.
Jin steps inside and makes sure there aren't any tripwires or booby traps. "Looks safe," he says, and puts his shuriken away.
"Oh, I have an idea," Kame says, pulling the computer out of Jin's hands.
"Fine, but it better be good," Jin tells him, turning so that he can see the screen as Kame starts typing. "I was just about to get to the Femmebots."
"Oh, that is good," Kame says.
Kame holds out his hand. "I think there's someone coming," he says. There's a closet in the bedroom, and it seems half empty. "Quick! In there, hide. We don't know if they've already been overtaken."
Sprinkles flies off the balcony and the two jump into the closet, pulling the door shut. It's cramped and dark, but Kame can see out the crack of the door enough so that he has a full view of the front door to the apartment.
"They might be working for Johnny," he whispers to Jin, who can't seem to find a good place for his arm.
Jin has gone silent near Kame's shoulder, but Kame can hear him grinding his teeth a bit. When he glances up, Jin is chewing on his lower lip. Since he doesn't tell Kame to stop writing, Kame keeps going.
Two people walk in through the door; one is short and looks like he's scowling, and the other one is taller and wearing sunglasses. Kame recognizes him as the Most Wanted Evil Person on Earth from the future.
"Yamapi," Kame whispers to Jin.
There's an expression on Jin's face that Kame can't place as Jin grabs for the netbook and hauls it back over onto his lap.
"Don't screw this up," Kame warns, leaning in so he can still see the screen. "I set this up nicely."
"I won't," Jin says. His voice sounds kind of strained.
Jin sits back and his head hits one of the coats. He has heard of Yamapi from his ninja master. Yamapi has been trained in 345 different kinds of martial arts, including some that aren't even actual martial arts yet.
"I don't know if we can win," Jin says. "They're going to find us in here."
"Maybe not," Kame replies, but he doesn't sound very sure. He doesn't sound like he wants to go up against Yamapi and his henchman either.
Jin is a little afraid. He doesn't have his ninja sword that has been blessed by the tears of six virgin priestesses with him, and his stars might not do much if Yamapi dodges them.
"You know," he says, slowly, "I've always sort of admired you. You're really talented."
Jin isn't looking at him. Kame tugs the netbook away and breathes deep.
"Yeah," Kame replies. He sits down next to Jin on the floor, on some old shoes. "I've always sort of admired you, too. You always know what you want, you know? And how to get it. And you aren't afraid of it."
"Wait," Jin says, very quiet, still without looking at him. He doesn't pull the computer away; instead, he just sort of reaches over Kame's shoulder to type with one hand.
"I guess if I have to be killed with someone, I'd rather it be you," Jin says. "After everything we've been through together."
Kame's hands are shaking.
Kame swallows hard. "Same," he agrees. "You were my best friend."
He reaches over with one hand and finds Jin's fingers.
Jin's hands find the keyboard.
Jin curls his fingers around Kame's.
"I miss those days," Jin says. "When we were best friends. Saving the world together."
It seems like all the air in the car has been suctioned out, and Kame isn't sure when that happened. The ceiling is unbearably close and suffocating, and Jin is pressed close to Kame's arm and side. Kame can feel the other man's quick breathing through his shirt.
"Jin?" Kame asks.
Jin's teeth are making indentations on his lip when he types back his reply.
"Yeah?" Jin says.
It's now or never, really.
"I don't want to be best friends again," Kame tells him.
Kame can feel when Jin pulls away. The other man turns his face, but Kame catches a look before Jin can school his features into neutrality. He's going to lose it, and it's going to fall apart again, and he reaches out to grab Jin's elbow and tug him back.
"Wait," he says, and his voice is hoarse.
Jin's eyes are wary when he finally meets Kame's gaze. "This is stupid," he says. "A stupid story that doesn't mean anything."
"That's not true," Kame says. "I mean..." He can't find the words. Looking at Jin is making him nervous, and he can't get anything out. Frustrated, he types instead.
"I don't want to just be best friends," Kame says.
It seems to take Jin ages to read it, and then another eternity to type out the next line, but maybe it's just because Kame's heart is pounding in his chest.
"What else is there?"
Kame stares at the screen.
Something more, he types back. He doesn't look at Jin when he passes the netbook back into Jin's lap with enough force that it nearly topples down to their feet.
For a long moment, no one moves. It feels like forever. Kame is pretty sure he's stopped breathing at least three times, and he's afraid that whatever tenuous alliance was forged in the car will be broken all over again. He wills the car to move, just so that something can happen that isn't fueled by the man sitting next to him. His seatbelt feels as if it's choking him.
Then Jin's fingers are on his arm, on the inside of his elbow.
"Kazu," he says, and it sounds like he's sixteen again. Sixteen and sitting on the dock with his feet dangling in the water as he cracks jokes that Kame doesn't quite fully understand but laughs at anyway, just to see Jin's face break into a smile.
Kame doesn't get Jin's name out in response. Jin leans forward and kisses him and then that's all that Kame can see, all Kame can feel and hear. Jin doesn't kiss like Kame expected him to; he's more hesitant and fumbling, clanking their teeth together as he tries to angle himself into a better position around the seatbelt still clasped over his waist.
"A speakeasy?" Jin laughs against Kame's mouth, and Kame can feel the other man's laughter all the way through him.
"Pants that cost 5 million yen?" Kame shoots back.
Jin just laughs and his mouth opens, and Kame takes it as an invitation.
He's pretty sure Jin's computer falls down, but he's never been more glad for the company cars' tinted windows.
--
"You want us to what?" Nakamaru asks.
"We wrote a script!" Jin says, proudly. "We want to do the photo shoot based off our story."
Ueda is scanning the text with a furrowed brow. "How are we going to become Knights of the Round Table?" he asks.
"Oh, you mean knights who are secretly android clones?" Kame clarifies.
Ueda's face is frighteningly neutral. "Yes," he says, slowly. "That."
"Well, that comes after the big show down over the volcano," Jin says. "Maybe we can get some special effects added in later. Like with Photoshop."
"Wait," Kame says. "We'll need effects for the race around the galaxy, too."
Junno is still trying to get through his whole script, turning pages slowly. "I don't see that part," he says. "Are you sure it's in here?"
"Yes, I'm sure," Jin tells him. He leans in. "Look, see, it's right after the bit where I make a grand speech and wave around a flag with a bottle of gin on it."
"Wait a minute," Nakamaru says. His cheeks are pink. "Wait. Guys. These last pages. Uh..."
Kame looks at Jin. "Did you print out the whole thing or did you copy and paste the parts we wanted to share?"
There's a long second of mounting horror that's visible on Jin's face.
"Oh my god," Koki says. He's skipped to the end.
"This is pretty explicit sex," Ueda comments. "I'm not sure the magazine is going to let you guys do this, especially the part with Jin's leg around your-"
"GIVE ME THOSE," Jin shrieks, and makes a mad lunge at the others for the papers. He only manages to get Junno's before the others move out of the way and keep reading.
"Can you really use a seatbelt like this?" Koki asks.
Kame grabs the rest of the scripts. He should have printed them himself and not left that task to Jin. "Um."
"LOOK!" Jin cries out, pointing towards the far wall. "IT'S TEGOSHI WITH A STUN-GUN!"
He takes off like a shot towards the dressing rooms and Kame doesn't waste time following. They'll have to burn the evidence, but at least that should take care of most of it. Kame won't be able to look at his band mates directly for awhile.
It's a good thing he owns a lot of sunglasses.