The Complexity of Carnal Knowledge, Chapter 5
Title: The Complexity of Carnal Knowledge
Disclaimer: JKR owns anything that is obviously hers. I own the rest. I do not make any money off this.
Characters: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Others
Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Humour, Romance, Smut
Story Warnings: Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Mild Kink, Mild Violence, Polyjuice (Body Switch), Profanity, Psychological Trauma, Smut, Threesome
Warning Note: I do not warn per chapter. What I warn for may be in chapter 1 or chapter 39 and they may or may not be what you expect them to be. If you have a very specific trigger, you can PM me for details pertaining to that specific thing, otherwise tough luck, cookie.
Overall Rating: NC-17
Summary: Through a series of uncontrollable events and deliberate decisions, Draco and Hermione are now, a little more than a decade after the war, both working as Aurors. Draco is a complete git and the only one who'll pair up with him for anything is Hermione. This is suiting her less and less, though, so she tries to open his eyes to all the things that have changed. An open-eyed Draco, however, is a force to be reckoned with.
Extra Note: Thank you to margotlefaye, little_dollface and mazvn for the beta and robs55 for the Britpick. You guys rock! You saved this story. :D
Chapter Length: 4,672
* * *
Draco's mouth was dry, his neck was stiff from being at an odd angle all night, and his stomach was in an uproar.
He definitely disliked gin. And this sofa.
Slowly he sat up, clenching his eyes shut at the predictable surging headache and nausea. He would vow to never drink again, he really would, but he was quite certain that he'd have to go out on a case with Hermione again at some point, so...
What was it with her sudden fixation on fornication, anyway? It really wasn't something he was used to discussing quite that openly and frequently. Drinking had barely helped his discomfort. And, oh, God, what else had he said? He cradled his head in his hands. Had he really admitted to her that his life wasn't working out particularly well? Great. Who needed self-respect, anyway? Of course he'd confirm to her that being a slag worked better than attempting to find something real.
Then again, for all he knew, it did.
Hermione emerged from the kitchen area, holding a bowl of cereal. 'Oh, you're up,' she said, slurping obnoxiously loudly and clanking her spoon against the bowl with each swoop. 'Do you need to spend another day in bed, recovering, or can we actually get some work done today?'
He glared at her and then got up and went to the bathroom to make himself presentable and maybe find some of those little white pills that were the only pain relief he was allowed here. Although, granted, if Hermione could handle that foot of hers without potions, he supposed he could handle a hangover. He just wished she would get hungover more often. Maybe next time he should get her some of that... "tequila". He knew for a fact that tequila made her forget what she'd been doing and vomit a lot.
Ok, maybe no tequila. If the thought of what she might actually do hadn't discouraged him, the thought of vomit everywhere did.
He hurried through his routine, and then almost before he knew it, they were on their way down to that damn Muggle village yet again.
'I miss magic,' he wistfully said.
'Oh, come off it,' Hermione scoffed.
'No, I really do,' he sighed. 'Once we've done this, can we go home?'
Hermione glared at him. 'It's not even been a week! We arrived Monday evening and now it's Saturday morning! We usually take much longer than that!'
'Thanks, I know the days of the week,' he snapped. 'But we're wasting our time here.'
'Yeah, yeah,' she said, waving him off in a condescending way that made him want to shake her. 'But fine. Once we have something-or nothing-to say about the forest incident, we will go home.'
A thought suddenly hit Draco. 'How are we going to find someone to identify the tracks? I mean, do we even know who can do that?'
Hermione smirked, looking far too smug. Drat. 'This village gets its limited tourism from hunters and wildlife enthusiasts. I looked at the hoarding down by that tiny tourist shop, and it had the name, address and phone number of someone offering guided tours up in the forest. I figured that even if he doesn't know how to read the forest for clues, he will know who around here does.'
Outdone again by the know-it-all. 'And how do we explain us wanting to know so badly?'
She grinned. 'That one's easy: Curiosity!'
'Curiosity. How... elaborate.'
'It doesn't have to be elaborate to be good. We heard the stories about wild animals and so we want to spend a day of our holiday investigating it.'
Damn it. That sounded just like some inane tourist thing to do. She was right. Nobody would need more explanation than that. He really hated it when she made things seem so obvious and simple.
* * *
Hermione was fuming. She hid it well, but she was fuming. She'd just about had it with Draco's moody scowling. Trying to please him was a study in futility. He was right; it was past time they went home. They weren't going to get better at getting along than this, anyway.
Irritated, she punched the doorbell to the adress listed in the ad with a finger.
'He could be at work,' Draco said.
'It's Saturday,' she pointed out. 'And the note said he'd be in now. If not, I'll ring his mobile to set up a meeting.'
'You couldn't have done that first?' he asked, rubbing his temple as if it hurt.
Hermione smiled darkly. 'I could. But you and your poor constitution looked like you could use some fresh air.'
He scowled at her again, and Hermione turned her back on him, about to ring the doorbell again, when the door opened to reveal a very, very wide man. It wasn't that he was fat, he was just very... muscular, she supposed. And big in his build. His shirt was rolled up to reveal his forearms, which were like logs in themselves.
Oh, my!
'Yes?' the man said, and Hermione looked up. Ohh. This town had good genes. Dark hair, dark eyes; masculine, slightly rough features... yeah, she could live with that.
When Hermione failed to find her voice, Draco irritably asked, 'You the guide?'
The man looked over at Draco. 'You're the bloke that was down the pub the other night. You didn't mention anything about a woman...' His gaze swept back to Hermione in a very flattering manner. Hermione smiled at him, and he smiled back.
'Must have forgotten,' Draco drily replied. 'As you can see, she doesn't say much, so she's very easy to forget.'
Hermione shot him an annoyed glance and cleared her throat. 'Are you the guide, Callum Brown?'
The man nodded.
'Can you track?' Draco asked, sounding even more irritable, the impatient git.
'Depends. What do you need to track? And why?' Brown leant against his doorframe, apparently in no great hurry to move it along.
'We... um, we heard that there might be some exciting beasts up in the forest, and we thought it would be fun to hire a guide to maybe see if we could find any evidence,' Hermione said with her most girlish giggle and flirty look.
She could practically hear Draco biting back a sarcastic comment.
Brown looked at her for a bit, his dark eyes thoughtful. She probably shouldn't underestimate his intelligence. 'When do you need to go?'
Draco cut in before she got a chance to reply. 'As soon as possible, if you please. We can pay extra if you come right now.'
'Don't be so rude, Draco!' Hermione admonished, turning back to Brown. 'I'm sure he has... people, depending on him. Like, say, a wife?' She looked up at him.
'No wife,' Brown muttered. 'Just let me get my things. Meet you by the edge in half an hour?'
'That would be great,' Hermione said, beaming.
* * *
Draco could barely keep from gagging. 'That was disgusting!' he said. 'What was that? Like some Muggle mating ritual?'
Hermione sniffed and went past him. 'You didn't honestly think I was going to keep trying to please you when it had so little effect, did you? And as far as I'm concerned, that was a mating ritual. Did you see those hands? I bet they would feel really nice... so keep out of it!'
He had seen those hands. Huge, calloused working hands. And she was trying to provoke him into criticising her. He squinted, as if in thought. 'Yeah, sorry, Granger. He's a bit big for my tastes.'
She grinned wolfishly. 'I'm sure he won't be too big for my tastes.'
Draco slapped his palm against his forehead and groaned. He should have seen that one coming. 'Isn't one loverboy enough?'
'Never,' she said with an annoying smile. 'Besides, I never did anything with Jack.'
'Who?'
'The grocery Muggle.'
'Ah. But I thought you smoothed things over.'
'Not exactly. I just explained things. Speaking of-' She waved at someone, and Draco looked up to see Jack the Muggle sweeping outside his shop. Jack reluctantly nodded back at them and then resumed sweeping.
Draco felt a sense of premonition. 'Just what exactly did you tell him?'
Hermione smiled very sweetly at him. 'That you suddenly had a fit of jealousy and threatened to throw me aside if I didn't stop seeing him.' She sighed dramatically. 'And I just can't afford to raise the little one by myself. I will just have to endure your constant stream of hussies whilst I sleep alone in our big, cold bed.'
Draco felt really, really tired. 'There's a little one now?' He supposed he'd asked for it by forcing her to tell the Muggle something. It wasn't an uncommon game of theirs to tell people lies to make the other one look bad whilst they were undercover. They had been quite the talk of their neighbours when "married". Of course, that had only made it that much easier to find the information they had been looking for-because people undercover didn't create such a ruckus, did they?
Potter had never quite decided whether to praise or reprimand them on it.
Hermione dramatically grabbed her stomach. 'It doesn't quite show just yet, but it happened the one and only time you've touched me this past year. You were drunk, of course, and very clumsy. And selfish. At least now I will have the babe to love!'
He rubbed his aching temple. 'You've read too many cheap romance novels.'
Hermione grinned and shrugged. 'You insisted I tell him something.'
'Yes, well, if he asks, I'll have to tell him that... I reacted like that because you got me drunk and tricked me, becoming pregnant in an attempt to trap me into marriage. You only got what you asked for.'
Hermione stopped walking, looking thoughtful. 'You know, that would kind of make sense. But why not ask for an abortion?'
Draco shot her a disgusted look. 'I wouldn't do that even in your twisted little fantasies.' Drunk, clumsy, possessive, unfaithful... whatever. But that was as far as it went.
She grinned. 'I can't believe you allow your real principles to affect this story.'
'At least I have some,' he muttered.
She rolled her eyes. 'Classy, Malfoy. Really classy. Congratulations! Your principles just ruined your life! You lose!' She strode on ahead of him.
So? What did she care? It was just some stupid lie told to some random Muggle. He sighed. Women.
* * *
Hermione was walking ahead with the tracker, doing her best to disgust Draco so he would keep his distance. She was thoroughly annoyed with him and his attitude, so a distraction was very welcome at this point.
Smiling sweetly, she said, 'So, Mr Brown-'
'Please,' he gruffly replied. 'Callum. We're not so formal out here.'
Hermione's smile widened. 'Callum. I like that name. I'm Hermione. Can you see anything here?' She quickly glanced at the forest around them, which really was nothing more than a bunch of trees to her.
Callum shrugged. 'Nothing unusual. You said you believed it had been sighted to the east?'
Hermione nodded. 'Some, ah, friends of ours talked about strange noises and sightings about a mile in.'
Callum nodded. 'If there's anything to it, I'll find something. I doubt it, though.'
Hermione doubted it too. 'So, is it... fun, living out here?' she ventured, biting her lip.
He gave her a strange look. 'Don't get me wrong,' he then said. 'I'd very much like to get to know you. But isn't he your bloke?' He jerked his head back at Draco.
She glanced back at Draco, who was leaning against a tree, looking extremely bored at their slow pace. She really had to speak to Harry about making sure they got two bedrooms so they could have better covers. She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. 'It's a very open relationship,' she said.
Callum sighed and shook his head. 'I'm sorry, but I'm not getting caught up in that.'
Hermione blinked. Ok, that was a new one. Usually, they just went for the possibility of sex-that was, unless they weren't attracted to her, of course. 'Why not?' she asked.
'He seems the jealous sort.'
She scowled back at Draco. Damn him and his moods. 'Um, it's true that he's not too happy today,' she said, trying to think something up. 'But he's damaged you see. He got injured in the-in the war. He can't... you know, so I can get that from others, he doesn't mind. Sometimes he just gets a little... moody.'
Callum frowned and absent-mindedly nodded at her hastily spun tale. 'What war?' he then asked.
What war, indeed? Hermione quickly tried to conjure up what she knew of the recent Muggle wars. 'I, um, Afghanistan?'
'He didn't mention that at the pub,' Callum muttered. 'Would've bought a war hero a pint.'
Hermione did her very best not to snort. A war hero, Draco most certainly was not. But she supposed that once his family was out of danger and he'd joined the Auror ranks, he'd made up for that a dozen times over. 'His injury embarrasses him,' she said instead. 'And he doesn't like to talk about what he saw there. He'd much rather you never ask him about it. Ever.' Draco wasn't likely to know where Afghanistan was, let alone what was going on there, after all.
Callum nodded and then halted her by holding out his arm. 'Hold on,' he said in a very low voice. 'I think I see something. Stay here.' He moved ahead much more quietly than she would have thought possible of such a large man.
Obediently, she stopped and waited, hoping that this would be over soon so she could get inside where it was warm.
Maybe she'd find a way to persuade Callum that Draco really wasn't jealous and then take advantage of that nice big body of his.
That certainly did sound like a plan.
* * *
Draco sauntered up to Hermione, not liking how she and Brown had put their heads together, glancing at him. 'What am I this time, then?' he irritably asked. 'Your abusive, alcoholic rapist?'
'No, you're a war hero,' she said, pursing her lips with amusement.
'A war hero,' he dully repeated. There had to be a catch. Did Muggles view wars in a radically different way? Or had he just been on the wrong side in this fictional war?
'Of course,' she said with an exaggerated sigh, 'you did receive an awful injury leaving you unable to... perform.'
Draco stared at her for several moments, before tearing his gaze away. 'Un-fucking-believable,' he growled, beginning to move forward, but stopping when she grabbed his arm.
'He asked us to wait,' she explained. 'He saw something.'
'More likely he just wanted to get away from you,' Draco muttered.
'Would you stop being such a pain?' Hermione hissed. 'He thinks you're jealous!'
Draco didn't even try to hide his surprise. 'Why?'
'Because you've done nothing but growl and scowl all day.'
'Oh. Sorry.' He actually did feel slightly abashed. He'd been battling his bad mood all day, but hadn't considered how it might look to someone like Brown.
Hermione stuck her nose up at him. 'You're not sorry. You're sabotaging me.'
Wait, what? 'Why would I do that?'
'I don't know! Why wouldn't you? Because they're Muggles. Because you disapprove of casual sex. Because you envy my fun. Because you just hate me enough to not want to see me happy!'
Draco blinked. 'I-I don't hate you, Hermione.'
'All evidence points to the contrary,' she said. 'And you know what? I don't care. Cultivate your hatred and spite all you want. But stay out of my personal life!'
Draco didn't know what to respond. He didn't hate her. He would never have been able to work with her if he did. In fact, he didn't understand this assumption at all. Yeah, so they fought a lot and didn't make very good housemates; but when it mattered, he'd nearly died for her several times already. If he'd hated her, he wouldn't have gotten in the way of curses meant for her or hauled her out of bottomless pits when odds were that he'd as soon fall down himself as save her. And if she thought so little of him, why had she done those very same things for him in return?
This was why so many of the other Aurors got a free pass when it came to partnering with him-they did dislike and mistrust him enough that they couldn't guarantee they would make the sacrifice it took to be a good partner. After the war was over and Draco had proven his worth by going through the full Auror training programme, Hermione had always trusted him to do everything he could to keep her alive, and she had done the same in turn-so why did she suddenly claim he hated her?
He looked up and saw Brown was making his way back to them. He really hadn't thought that this potential fling had been that important to Hermione. 'Maybe I should go back,' he quietly said. 'Leave Brown and you to it. This is hardly going to be an exciting find anyway.'
Hermione openly scoffed at him. 'You just want to get away from the wet and the cold. Too bad, you're staying!'
Draco shrugged. 'Was just trying to be nice.'
'Don't strain anything.'
Draco bit back a retort as Brown had reached them. Instead he did his very best to look friendly. Brown didn't seem to notice. He looked excited and a little frightened.
'What is it?' Hermione asked. 'Did you see it?'
Brown blinked as if surprised to see them there. 'Hm? No. That was just some critter. But came across some paw prints... I think I have to go make some calls.'
'Why?' Draco asked. 'What were they?'
Brown frowned. 'I can't really be sure, but they looked like wolf prints. Large ones. I have to report it to the authorities. The Wolf Trust is going to want to know too. There haven't been wolves in any part of Britain for more than three hundred years. This could be quite a find! This will really put Firrhaven on the map! Look, I took a picture!' He pulled out one of those strange electronic cameras Muggles liked to use and with a few presses of a button, he showed Draco a perfect image of a very large paw print.
Hermione exhaled heavily.
Draco looked at her, regretting what had to be done. 'I'm sorry, Hermione.' She just waved a hand at him and turned away. He took out his wand and pointed it at Brown. 'Obliviate.'
* * *
Hermione stared out at the rain. It really did nothing to lift her spirits. She'd felt like this since yesterday.
She hated it when they had to Obliviate someone she'd enjoyed talking to. She hated the way they looked at her afterwards; confused, wary, unrecognising. She hated the way they stumbled away and how she couldn't contact them again for fear she would bring up any part of what they weren't supposed to remember.
'At least we're reasonably sure there's a rogue werewolf now,' Draco quietly said. 'Although I think we should have kept his camera.'
Hermione had managed to delete the image and had returned the camera to Callum before he dazedly walked off. 'We have no need for it,' she quietly said. 'If the prints were still there, they'll hardly wash away before our experts arrive. That camera had pictures of his family and friends. He wouldn't have wanted to lose those.'
Draco rolled his eyes. 'Sometimes you really are oddly soft, Granger. But I suppose you're right. And we'll have been instrumental in catching a rogue one!'
She shrugged. 'Who cares? No one's been hurt. He or she isn't attacking anyone. We should leave them alone.'
'You don't mean that,' he scoffed. 'You know they're dangerous and we have to keep tabs on them or there'll be more bodies for us to find.'
She slowly turned around and leant against the windowsill. 'There was a time when they required Muggle-borns to register.'
'Don't tell me you don't see the difference.'
'I do. I just don't know where to draw the line.'
Draco shook his head at her. 'How soon do you think the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures responds to our request for assistance?'
Hermione shrugged. 'Muggle post is slower than owling. We may have to wait until Tuesday.'
'Two more days. And it's raining.' Draco sighed. 'Want to get drunk again?'
'Not really.' Hermione turned back around.
He did a mock double-take behind her. 'Did I hear correctly? You turned down alcohol?'
'I'm just not in the mood!' she growled.
Draco sighed. 'How about going down to the pub, then? That way we don't have to cook, and if you change your mind about getting drunk, that will be an option too.'
'It's raining.'
'So? Muggles have umbrellas, don't they? I think I spotted one around here somewhere.'
Hermione felt an irrational annoyance at the way Draco kept poking her. 'You go!' she snapped.
He shook his head. 'I don't want to go alone. You know Muggles make me uncomfortable. But I'm sure there'll be lots of men, all more than willing to entertain you.'
'Why bother?' she muttered, knowing it came off as a pout.
There was a brief pause behind her. 'I didn't want to do it,' he then said, sounding as if he meant it. 'I would have preferred not to. But I highly doubt we could have kept him from alerting everyone about those prints. I'm sorry.'
And she very highly doubted he was truly sorry about what he'd done. Using Obliviate on Muggles was par for the course.
She found her own feelings stupid anyway. She'd developed this irrational over-sensitivity whenever it came to memory modification because of what she'd done to her parents to save them in the war. It hadn't even been against their will-they had actually agreed to go after much begging and discussion and eventual emotional blackmail-but to have your very own parents look at you with empty eyes and treat you politely like you were a stranger, even if due to a powerful spell, was extremely painful.
Now whenever they had to Obliviate someone, Hermione felt herself being sucked back to that time, to feeling like an orphan in the middle of a war because her parents were someone else. She hadn't been able to tell her friends about it, because they wouldn't understand; they had never had to do anything like it, and they didn't understand how depressing it was to know that if she died, her parents would never know, would never grieve, because whilst they were still alive and well, they didn't remember her.
In short: It was stupid.
Hermione stepped over and grabbed her coat. 'Come on,' she grumbled before she went outside without even waiting for an answer.
* * *
Draco followed a very determined Hermione into the local pub and, quickly before she changed her mind, he ordered food for both of them.
He knew she hated to be erased from people's minds. He wasn't sure why, she never spoke about it, but memory modification always seemed to upset her, and she always refused to be the one to do it. He assumed it went back to the war, but he really couldn't be sure. He'd never asked.
Hermione sat down at a worn table and placed her head in her hands. Draco sat down across from her but didn't attempt to make her talk to him. She'd agreed to leave the cabin, which was a satisfying first step. If he pushed too hard, it would just end in an ugly fight and quite frankly he wasn't in the mood for that today.
'Where are the men you promised me?' she suddenly said after a while.
Draco grinned. Typical. 'Give them time. It's early yet.'
Hermione looked down at the table and then frowned. 'Callum will probably be here.'
He probably would. Last Draco had been here, he'd seen Callum acting very much at home at the bar. Of course, they hadn't properly introduced themselves, which was why Draco had managed not to recognise the name or know that Callum was a guide. 'Nothing is keeping you from getting acquainted with him again,' Draco pointed out. 'Just try not to make me impotent this time.'
A small smirk ghosted across her lips. 'I only did that because you were in such a mood he thought you were jealous,' she pointed out.
'I'll behave,' he promised.
She snorted and then looked surprised as a plate of food-steak and potatoes, the very basics, which was all they'd had on the menu for today-was put in front of her. Draco himself became too engrossed in his own food to pay much attention to her. After he was done, however, he looked up to see that she was merely poking at her own food. Not a good sign. She could out-eat him most days.
He frowned. 'You becoming one of those birds now, Granger?' he asked.
'What birds?' she muttered, still poking.
'The ones that starve themselves in the hopes that they'll look prettier for it. You won't.' Ok, so maybe he couldn't completely stop himself from baiting her.
She shot him a scathing look. 'I will have you know that I lead an active, healthy life at home and I do not need to starve myself. If anything, I could gain a few pounds so I won't bruise the next bloke I'm giving a wild shag as badly as I did the last one.'
'Too much information, Granger,' he said, secretly pleased she'd reacted. He liked any Hermione better than a depressed Hermione.
'You asked for it, Malfoy.'
That, he had. 'Just eat the food.'
She wrinkled her nose and poked a potato. 'They didn't have shepherd's pie?'
'No.'
'You're lying. They always have shepherd's pie.'
'Trust me, Granger. They didn't. They had one thing on the menu and you're looking at it.'
'Hmh,' she grunted and pouted at her plate.
'I have the Muggle money,' he said, changing tactics. 'If you want alcohol, you'll eat that first. I've seen you retch on an empty stomach.'
She stuck her tongue out at him but began eating the food without any further comments. Good girl. Draco didn't even bother hiding his smirk. Before he could gloat, though, a group of people entered the pub.
'Finally the men got here,' Hermione smugly said. 'I finished the food, Malfoy- now get me beer.'
He raised an eyebrow. 'How about 'please'?'
'How about you get moving? It's not actually your money, you know.'
Maybe he didn't like any Hermione better than a depressed Hermione. 'Watch it,' he warned, 'or I'll make sure those males won't even look at you twice.'
She smiled wickedly. 'And then I'll have to make doubly sure they do!'
Draco groaned in defeat and went up to get the beer. Sometimes it was just easier not to go there. He had no doubt that she was willing to go much further than he was tonight. As he was carrying the beverages back, he looked up to see that Jack the Muggle had entered as well. Draco smirked.
'Why are you grinning like that?' Hermione suspiciously asked as he made it back.
Draco carelessly nodded towards Jack. 'How will you explain it to him if you go for someone here tonight?'
She looked up and then groaned as she realised her own lies had come back to bite her in the arse. 'Damn it!'
Draco could barely hide his glee. 'Now what?' he asked.
'Now, I get drunk,' she muttered, lifting her glass and draining it.
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Master List
Disclaimer: JKR owns anything that is obviously hers. I own the rest. I do not make any money off this.
Characters: Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, Others
Genres: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Humour, Romance, Smut
Story Warnings: Epilogue? What Epilogue?, Mild Kink, Mild Violence, Polyjuice (Body Switch), Profanity, Psychological Trauma, Smut, Threesome
Warning Note: I do not warn per chapter. What I warn for may be in chapter 1 or chapter 39 and they may or may not be what you expect them to be. If you have a very specific trigger, you can PM me for details pertaining to that specific thing, otherwise tough luck, cookie.
Overall Rating: NC-17
Summary: Through a series of uncontrollable events and deliberate decisions, Draco and Hermione are now, a little more than a decade after the war, both working as Aurors. Draco is a complete git and the only one who'll pair up with him for anything is Hermione. This is suiting her less and less, though, so she tries to open his eyes to all the things that have changed. An open-eyed Draco, however, is a force to be reckoned with.
Extra Note: Thank you to margotlefaye, little_dollface and mazvn for the beta and robs55 for the Britpick. You guys rock! You saved this story. :D
Chapter Length: 4,672
* * *
Draco's mouth was dry, his neck was stiff from being at an odd angle all night, and his stomach was in an uproar.
He definitely disliked gin. And this sofa.
Slowly he sat up, clenching his eyes shut at the predictable surging headache and nausea. He would vow to never drink again, he really would, but he was quite certain that he'd have to go out on a case with Hermione again at some point, so...
What was it with her sudden fixation on fornication, anyway? It really wasn't something he was used to discussing quite that openly and frequently. Drinking had barely helped his discomfort. And, oh, God, what else had he said? He cradled his head in his hands. Had he really admitted to her that his life wasn't working out particularly well? Great. Who needed self-respect, anyway? Of course he'd confirm to her that being a slag worked better than attempting to find something real.
Then again, for all he knew, it did.
Hermione emerged from the kitchen area, holding a bowl of cereal. 'Oh, you're up,' she said, slurping obnoxiously loudly and clanking her spoon against the bowl with each swoop. 'Do you need to spend another day in bed, recovering, or can we actually get some work done today?'
He glared at her and then got up and went to the bathroom to make himself presentable and maybe find some of those little white pills that were the only pain relief he was allowed here. Although, granted, if Hermione could handle that foot of hers without potions, he supposed he could handle a hangover. He just wished she would get hungover more often. Maybe next time he should get her some of that... "tequila". He knew for a fact that tequila made her forget what she'd been doing and vomit a lot.
Ok, maybe no tequila. If the thought of what she might actually do hadn't discouraged him, the thought of vomit everywhere did.
He hurried through his routine, and then almost before he knew it, they were on their way down to that damn Muggle village yet again.
'I miss magic,' he wistfully said.
'Oh, come off it,' Hermione scoffed.
'No, I really do,' he sighed. 'Once we've done this, can we go home?'
Hermione glared at him. 'It's not even been a week! We arrived Monday evening and now it's Saturday morning! We usually take much longer than that!'
'Thanks, I know the days of the week,' he snapped. 'But we're wasting our time here.'
'Yeah, yeah,' she said, waving him off in a condescending way that made him want to shake her. 'But fine. Once we have something-or nothing-to say about the forest incident, we will go home.'
A thought suddenly hit Draco. 'How are we going to find someone to identify the tracks? I mean, do we even know who can do that?'
Hermione smirked, looking far too smug. Drat. 'This village gets its limited tourism from hunters and wildlife enthusiasts. I looked at the hoarding down by that tiny tourist shop, and it had the name, address and phone number of someone offering guided tours up in the forest. I figured that even if he doesn't know how to read the forest for clues, he will know who around here does.'
Outdone again by the know-it-all. 'And how do we explain us wanting to know so badly?'
She grinned. 'That one's easy: Curiosity!'
'Curiosity. How... elaborate.'
'It doesn't have to be elaborate to be good. We heard the stories about wild animals and so we want to spend a day of our holiday investigating it.'
Damn it. That sounded just like some inane tourist thing to do. She was right. Nobody would need more explanation than that. He really hated it when she made things seem so obvious and simple.
* * *
Hermione was fuming. She hid it well, but she was fuming. She'd just about had it with Draco's moody scowling. Trying to please him was a study in futility. He was right; it was past time they went home. They weren't going to get better at getting along than this, anyway.
Irritated, she punched the doorbell to the adress listed in the ad with a finger.
'He could be at work,' Draco said.
'It's Saturday,' she pointed out. 'And the note said he'd be in now. If not, I'll ring his mobile to set up a meeting.'
'You couldn't have done that first?' he asked, rubbing his temple as if it hurt.
Hermione smiled darkly. 'I could. But you and your poor constitution looked like you could use some fresh air.'
He scowled at her again, and Hermione turned her back on him, about to ring the doorbell again, when the door opened to reveal a very, very wide man. It wasn't that he was fat, he was just very... muscular, she supposed. And big in his build. His shirt was rolled up to reveal his forearms, which were like logs in themselves.
Oh, my!
'Yes?' the man said, and Hermione looked up. Ohh. This town had good genes. Dark hair, dark eyes; masculine, slightly rough features... yeah, she could live with that.
When Hermione failed to find her voice, Draco irritably asked, 'You the guide?'
The man looked over at Draco. 'You're the bloke that was down the pub the other night. You didn't mention anything about a woman...' His gaze swept back to Hermione in a very flattering manner. Hermione smiled at him, and he smiled back.
'Must have forgotten,' Draco drily replied. 'As you can see, she doesn't say much, so she's very easy to forget.'
Hermione shot him an annoyed glance and cleared her throat. 'Are you the guide, Callum Brown?'
The man nodded.
'Can you track?' Draco asked, sounding even more irritable, the impatient git.
'Depends. What do you need to track? And why?' Brown leant against his doorframe, apparently in no great hurry to move it along.
'We... um, we heard that there might be some exciting beasts up in the forest, and we thought it would be fun to hire a guide to maybe see if we could find any evidence,' Hermione said with her most girlish giggle and flirty look.
She could practically hear Draco biting back a sarcastic comment.
Brown looked at her for a bit, his dark eyes thoughtful. She probably shouldn't underestimate his intelligence. 'When do you need to go?'
Draco cut in before she got a chance to reply. 'As soon as possible, if you please. We can pay extra if you come right now.'
'Don't be so rude, Draco!' Hermione admonished, turning back to Brown. 'I'm sure he has... people, depending on him. Like, say, a wife?' She looked up at him.
'No wife,' Brown muttered. 'Just let me get my things. Meet you by the edge in half an hour?'
'That would be great,' Hermione said, beaming.
* * *
Draco could barely keep from gagging. 'That was disgusting!' he said. 'What was that? Like some Muggle mating ritual?'
Hermione sniffed and went past him. 'You didn't honestly think I was going to keep trying to please you when it had so little effect, did you? And as far as I'm concerned, that was a mating ritual. Did you see those hands? I bet they would feel really nice... so keep out of it!'
He had seen those hands. Huge, calloused working hands. And she was trying to provoke him into criticising her. He squinted, as if in thought. 'Yeah, sorry, Granger. He's a bit big for my tastes.'
She grinned wolfishly. 'I'm sure he won't be too big for my tastes.'
Draco slapped his palm against his forehead and groaned. He should have seen that one coming. 'Isn't one loverboy enough?'
'Never,' she said with an annoying smile. 'Besides, I never did anything with Jack.'
'Who?'
'The grocery Muggle.'
'Ah. But I thought you smoothed things over.'
'Not exactly. I just explained things. Speaking of-' She waved at someone, and Draco looked up to see Jack the Muggle sweeping outside his shop. Jack reluctantly nodded back at them and then resumed sweeping.
Draco felt a sense of premonition. 'Just what exactly did you tell him?'
Hermione smiled very sweetly at him. 'That you suddenly had a fit of jealousy and threatened to throw me aside if I didn't stop seeing him.' She sighed dramatically. 'And I just can't afford to raise the little one by myself. I will just have to endure your constant stream of hussies whilst I sleep alone in our big, cold bed.'
Draco felt really, really tired. 'There's a little one now?' He supposed he'd asked for it by forcing her to tell the Muggle something. It wasn't an uncommon game of theirs to tell people lies to make the other one look bad whilst they were undercover. They had been quite the talk of their neighbours when "married". Of course, that had only made it that much easier to find the information they had been looking for-because people undercover didn't create such a ruckus, did they?
Potter had never quite decided whether to praise or reprimand them on it.
Hermione dramatically grabbed her stomach. 'It doesn't quite show just yet, but it happened the one and only time you've touched me this past year. You were drunk, of course, and very clumsy. And selfish. At least now I will have the babe to love!'
He rubbed his aching temple. 'You've read too many cheap romance novels.'
Hermione grinned and shrugged. 'You insisted I tell him something.'
'Yes, well, if he asks, I'll have to tell him that... I reacted like that because you got me drunk and tricked me, becoming pregnant in an attempt to trap me into marriage. You only got what you asked for.'
Hermione stopped walking, looking thoughtful. 'You know, that would kind of make sense. But why not ask for an abortion?'
Draco shot her a disgusted look. 'I wouldn't do that even in your twisted little fantasies.' Drunk, clumsy, possessive, unfaithful... whatever. But that was as far as it went.
She grinned. 'I can't believe you allow your real principles to affect this story.'
'At least I have some,' he muttered.
She rolled her eyes. 'Classy, Malfoy. Really classy. Congratulations! Your principles just ruined your life! You lose!' She strode on ahead of him.
So? What did she care? It was just some stupid lie told to some random Muggle. He sighed. Women.
* * *
Hermione was walking ahead with the tracker, doing her best to disgust Draco so he would keep his distance. She was thoroughly annoyed with him and his attitude, so a distraction was very welcome at this point.
Smiling sweetly, she said, 'So, Mr Brown-'
'Please,' he gruffly replied. 'Callum. We're not so formal out here.'
Hermione's smile widened. 'Callum. I like that name. I'm Hermione. Can you see anything here?' She quickly glanced at the forest around them, which really was nothing more than a bunch of trees to her.
Callum shrugged. 'Nothing unusual. You said you believed it had been sighted to the east?'
Hermione nodded. 'Some, ah, friends of ours talked about strange noises and sightings about a mile in.'
Callum nodded. 'If there's anything to it, I'll find something. I doubt it, though.'
Hermione doubted it too. 'So, is it... fun, living out here?' she ventured, biting her lip.
He gave her a strange look. 'Don't get me wrong,' he then said. 'I'd very much like to get to know you. But isn't he your bloke?' He jerked his head back at Draco.
She glanced back at Draco, who was leaning against a tree, looking extremely bored at their slow pace. She really had to speak to Harry about making sure they got two bedrooms so they could have better covers. She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. 'It's a very open relationship,' she said.
Callum sighed and shook his head. 'I'm sorry, but I'm not getting caught up in that.'
Hermione blinked. Ok, that was a new one. Usually, they just went for the possibility of sex-that was, unless they weren't attracted to her, of course. 'Why not?' she asked.
'He seems the jealous sort.'
She scowled back at Draco. Damn him and his moods. 'Um, it's true that he's not too happy today,' she said, trying to think something up. 'But he's damaged you see. He got injured in the-in the war. He can't... you know, so I can get that from others, he doesn't mind. Sometimes he just gets a little... moody.'
Callum frowned and absent-mindedly nodded at her hastily spun tale. 'What war?' he then asked.
What war, indeed? Hermione quickly tried to conjure up what she knew of the recent Muggle wars. 'I, um, Afghanistan?'
'He didn't mention that at the pub,' Callum muttered. 'Would've bought a war hero a pint.'
Hermione did her very best not to snort. A war hero, Draco most certainly was not. But she supposed that once his family was out of danger and he'd joined the Auror ranks, he'd made up for that a dozen times over. 'His injury embarrasses him,' she said instead. 'And he doesn't like to talk about what he saw there. He'd much rather you never ask him about it. Ever.' Draco wasn't likely to know where Afghanistan was, let alone what was going on there, after all.
Callum nodded and then halted her by holding out his arm. 'Hold on,' he said in a very low voice. 'I think I see something. Stay here.' He moved ahead much more quietly than she would have thought possible of such a large man.
Obediently, she stopped and waited, hoping that this would be over soon so she could get inside where it was warm.
Maybe she'd find a way to persuade Callum that Draco really wasn't jealous and then take advantage of that nice big body of his.
That certainly did sound like a plan.
* * *
Draco sauntered up to Hermione, not liking how she and Brown had put their heads together, glancing at him. 'What am I this time, then?' he irritably asked. 'Your abusive, alcoholic rapist?'
'No, you're a war hero,' she said, pursing her lips with amusement.
'A war hero,' he dully repeated. There had to be a catch. Did Muggles view wars in a radically different way? Or had he just been on the wrong side in this fictional war?
'Of course,' she said with an exaggerated sigh, 'you did receive an awful injury leaving you unable to... perform.'
Draco stared at her for several moments, before tearing his gaze away. 'Un-fucking-believable,' he growled, beginning to move forward, but stopping when she grabbed his arm.
'He asked us to wait,' she explained. 'He saw something.'
'More likely he just wanted to get away from you,' Draco muttered.
'Would you stop being such a pain?' Hermione hissed. 'He thinks you're jealous!'
Draco didn't even try to hide his surprise. 'Why?'
'Because you've done nothing but growl and scowl all day.'
'Oh. Sorry.' He actually did feel slightly abashed. He'd been battling his bad mood all day, but hadn't considered how it might look to someone like Brown.
Hermione stuck her nose up at him. 'You're not sorry. You're sabotaging me.'
Wait, what? 'Why would I do that?'
'I don't know! Why wouldn't you? Because they're Muggles. Because you disapprove of casual sex. Because you envy my fun. Because you just hate me enough to not want to see me happy!'
Draco blinked. 'I-I don't hate you, Hermione.'
'All evidence points to the contrary,' she said. 'And you know what? I don't care. Cultivate your hatred and spite all you want. But stay out of my personal life!'
Draco didn't know what to respond. He didn't hate her. He would never have been able to work with her if he did. In fact, he didn't understand this assumption at all. Yeah, so they fought a lot and didn't make very good housemates; but when it mattered, he'd nearly died for her several times already. If he'd hated her, he wouldn't have gotten in the way of curses meant for her or hauled her out of bottomless pits when odds were that he'd as soon fall down himself as save her. And if she thought so little of him, why had she done those very same things for him in return?
This was why so many of the other Aurors got a free pass when it came to partnering with him-they did dislike and mistrust him enough that they couldn't guarantee they would make the sacrifice it took to be a good partner. After the war was over and Draco had proven his worth by going through the full Auror training programme, Hermione had always trusted him to do everything he could to keep her alive, and she had done the same in turn-so why did she suddenly claim he hated her?
He looked up and saw Brown was making his way back to them. He really hadn't thought that this potential fling had been that important to Hermione. 'Maybe I should go back,' he quietly said. 'Leave Brown and you to it. This is hardly going to be an exciting find anyway.'
Hermione openly scoffed at him. 'You just want to get away from the wet and the cold. Too bad, you're staying!'
Draco shrugged. 'Was just trying to be nice.'
'Don't strain anything.'
Draco bit back a retort as Brown had reached them. Instead he did his very best to look friendly. Brown didn't seem to notice. He looked excited and a little frightened.
'What is it?' Hermione asked. 'Did you see it?'
Brown blinked as if surprised to see them there. 'Hm? No. That was just some critter. But came across some paw prints... I think I have to go make some calls.'
'Why?' Draco asked. 'What were they?'
Brown frowned. 'I can't really be sure, but they looked like wolf prints. Large ones. I have to report it to the authorities. The Wolf Trust is going to want to know too. There haven't been wolves in any part of Britain for more than three hundred years. This could be quite a find! This will really put Firrhaven on the map! Look, I took a picture!' He pulled out one of those strange electronic cameras Muggles liked to use and with a few presses of a button, he showed Draco a perfect image of a very large paw print.
Hermione exhaled heavily.
Draco looked at her, regretting what had to be done. 'I'm sorry, Hermione.' She just waved a hand at him and turned away. He took out his wand and pointed it at Brown. 'Obliviate.'
* * *
Hermione stared out at the rain. It really did nothing to lift her spirits. She'd felt like this since yesterday.
She hated it when they had to Obliviate someone she'd enjoyed talking to. She hated the way they looked at her afterwards; confused, wary, unrecognising. She hated the way they stumbled away and how she couldn't contact them again for fear she would bring up any part of what they weren't supposed to remember.
'At least we're reasonably sure there's a rogue werewolf now,' Draco quietly said. 'Although I think we should have kept his camera.'
Hermione had managed to delete the image and had returned the camera to Callum before he dazedly walked off. 'We have no need for it,' she quietly said. 'If the prints were still there, they'll hardly wash away before our experts arrive. That camera had pictures of his family and friends. He wouldn't have wanted to lose those.'
Draco rolled his eyes. 'Sometimes you really are oddly soft, Granger. But I suppose you're right. And we'll have been instrumental in catching a rogue one!'
She shrugged. 'Who cares? No one's been hurt. He or she isn't attacking anyone. We should leave them alone.'
'You don't mean that,' he scoffed. 'You know they're dangerous and we have to keep tabs on them or there'll be more bodies for us to find.'
She slowly turned around and leant against the windowsill. 'There was a time when they required Muggle-borns to register.'
'Don't tell me you don't see the difference.'
'I do. I just don't know where to draw the line.'
Draco shook his head at her. 'How soon do you think the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures responds to our request for assistance?'
Hermione shrugged. 'Muggle post is slower than owling. We may have to wait until Tuesday.'
'Two more days. And it's raining.' Draco sighed. 'Want to get drunk again?'
'Not really.' Hermione turned back around.
He did a mock double-take behind her. 'Did I hear correctly? You turned down alcohol?'
'I'm just not in the mood!' she growled.
Draco sighed. 'How about going down to the pub, then? That way we don't have to cook, and if you change your mind about getting drunk, that will be an option too.'
'It's raining.'
'So? Muggles have umbrellas, don't they? I think I spotted one around here somewhere.'
Hermione felt an irrational annoyance at the way Draco kept poking her. 'You go!' she snapped.
He shook his head. 'I don't want to go alone. You know Muggles make me uncomfortable. But I'm sure there'll be lots of men, all more than willing to entertain you.'
'Why bother?' she muttered, knowing it came off as a pout.
There was a brief pause behind her. 'I didn't want to do it,' he then said, sounding as if he meant it. 'I would have preferred not to. But I highly doubt we could have kept him from alerting everyone about those prints. I'm sorry.'
And she very highly doubted he was truly sorry about what he'd done. Using Obliviate on Muggles was par for the course.
She found her own feelings stupid anyway. She'd developed this irrational over-sensitivity whenever it came to memory modification because of what she'd done to her parents to save them in the war. It hadn't even been against their will-they had actually agreed to go after much begging and discussion and eventual emotional blackmail-but to have your very own parents look at you with empty eyes and treat you politely like you were a stranger, even if due to a powerful spell, was extremely painful.
Now whenever they had to Obliviate someone, Hermione felt herself being sucked back to that time, to feeling like an orphan in the middle of a war because her parents were someone else. She hadn't been able to tell her friends about it, because they wouldn't understand; they had never had to do anything like it, and they didn't understand how depressing it was to know that if she died, her parents would never know, would never grieve, because whilst they were still alive and well, they didn't remember her.
In short: It was stupid.
Hermione stepped over and grabbed her coat. 'Come on,' she grumbled before she went outside without even waiting for an answer.
* * *
Draco followed a very determined Hermione into the local pub and, quickly before she changed her mind, he ordered food for both of them.
He knew she hated to be erased from people's minds. He wasn't sure why, she never spoke about it, but memory modification always seemed to upset her, and she always refused to be the one to do it. He assumed it went back to the war, but he really couldn't be sure. He'd never asked.
Hermione sat down at a worn table and placed her head in her hands. Draco sat down across from her but didn't attempt to make her talk to him. She'd agreed to leave the cabin, which was a satisfying first step. If he pushed too hard, it would just end in an ugly fight and quite frankly he wasn't in the mood for that today.
'Where are the men you promised me?' she suddenly said after a while.
Draco grinned. Typical. 'Give them time. It's early yet.'
Hermione looked down at the table and then frowned. 'Callum will probably be here.'
He probably would. Last Draco had been here, he'd seen Callum acting very much at home at the bar. Of course, they hadn't properly introduced themselves, which was why Draco had managed not to recognise the name or know that Callum was a guide. 'Nothing is keeping you from getting acquainted with him again,' Draco pointed out. 'Just try not to make me impotent this time.'
A small smirk ghosted across her lips. 'I only did that because you were in such a mood he thought you were jealous,' she pointed out.
'I'll behave,' he promised.
She snorted and then looked surprised as a plate of food-steak and potatoes, the very basics, which was all they'd had on the menu for today-was put in front of her. Draco himself became too engrossed in his own food to pay much attention to her. After he was done, however, he looked up to see that she was merely poking at her own food. Not a good sign. She could out-eat him most days.
He frowned. 'You becoming one of those birds now, Granger?' he asked.
'What birds?' she muttered, still poking.
'The ones that starve themselves in the hopes that they'll look prettier for it. You won't.' Ok, so maybe he couldn't completely stop himself from baiting her.
She shot him a scathing look. 'I will have you know that I lead an active, healthy life at home and I do not need to starve myself. If anything, I could gain a few pounds so I won't bruise the next bloke I'm giving a wild shag as badly as I did the last one.'
'Too much information, Granger,' he said, secretly pleased she'd reacted. He liked any Hermione better than a depressed Hermione.
'You asked for it, Malfoy.'
That, he had. 'Just eat the food.'
She wrinkled her nose and poked a potato. 'They didn't have shepherd's pie?'
'No.'
'You're lying. They always have shepherd's pie.'
'Trust me, Granger. They didn't. They had one thing on the menu and you're looking at it.'
'Hmh,' she grunted and pouted at her plate.
'I have the Muggle money,' he said, changing tactics. 'If you want alcohol, you'll eat that first. I've seen you retch on an empty stomach.'
She stuck her tongue out at him but began eating the food without any further comments. Good girl. Draco didn't even bother hiding his smirk. Before he could gloat, though, a group of people entered the pub.
'Finally the men got here,' Hermione smugly said. 'I finished the food, Malfoy- now get me beer.'
He raised an eyebrow. 'How about 'please'?'
'How about you get moving? It's not actually your money, you know.'
Maybe he didn't like any Hermione better than a depressed Hermione. 'Watch it,' he warned, 'or I'll make sure those males won't even look at you twice.'
She smiled wickedly. 'And then I'll have to make doubly sure they do!'
Draco groaned in defeat and went up to get the beer. Sometimes it was just easier not to go there. He had no doubt that she was willing to go much further than he was tonight. As he was carrying the beverages back, he looked up to see that Jack the Muggle had entered as well. Draco smirked.
'Why are you grinning like that?' Hermione suspiciously asked as he made it back.
Draco carelessly nodded towards Jack. 'How will you explain it to him if you go for someone here tonight?'
She looked up and then groaned as she realised her own lies had come back to bite her in the arse. 'Damn it!'
Draco could barely hide his glee. 'Now what?' he asked.
'Now, I get drunk,' she muttered, lifting her glass and draining it.
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