crescendo 1.7
PREVIOUSLY, Aria joined Liam in elderhood. The second set of triplets, Noro, Tautou, and Archer, tried to make friends with their siblings, with various degrees of success. The insane and neurotic traits finally reared their ugly heads for Archer, while Noro was entirely too nice for the majority of the family. The constant toddler-rearing pushed Luca over the brink, and Glory was forced to become friends with Jude to fill the void that had been left when Luca took his temporary trip to the deep end. Jude decided to put his high handiness skill to use by fixing the TV, resulting in it exploding, charring him and, presumably, the TV itself, as the fire alarm then went off in an absolutely wonderful development that cannot go AT ALL wrong.
TAUTOU: There seems to an alarm going off. If only I could figure out where it is coming from . . . Sigh.
Jesus Christ, GO SAVE JUDE.
NORO: But I'm holding Guernica!
TAUTOU: And I'M trying to figure out what this alarm could be signaling!
For fuck's sake!
ARCHER: He never paid any attention to me, do you really expect me to give him any attention now?
HE. IS. DYING. For the love of God, EXTINGUISH JUDE.
ARCHER: I don't really feel like it . . .
Archer. I have ordered you about five times to extinguish him and you continue to STAND there. I HATE YOU.
Thank you, Logan. For pushing past She Who Will Not Be Named and attempting to extinguish Jude. God bless your heart.
GLORY: Oh, God . . .
LIAM: PUT HIM OUT, PUT HIM OUT!
DAISY: Even I wouldn't prolong a death like that! Make it nice and quick, easy to see your handiwork quickly. This is inhumane!
DEGAUSSER: Booger!
DAISY: Oh, he's dead now? Okay, I'm good.
You shared a WOMB with him, you heinous creature.
NORO: Nooooooo!
Thank you, Noro, for grieving properly.
Liam is absolutely crestfallen, and heart-breaking.
LIAM: B-b-but he can't be dead! He can't!
My reaction, truth be told, was in the realm of Liam's. And I'd be damned if I would let Jude, who, despite having a very low chance of being heir, is one of the nicest, most sane kids of the family, die because of an unfortunate mixture of autonomously trying to fix the TV after being electrocuted, my sound not working so I didn't hear the fire alarm, and Archer being an insane bitch. NOT HAPPENING.
Yes, I cheated and brought him back. What of it?
Also, I'm treating him very nice now. The genius has homework? I'll be damned if he's doing it by himself. I feel bad, all right?!
LIAM: Ah, all is well in the world again.
Despite his many, MANY flaws, Liam does love his children.
. . . except for maybe these ones.
And now, potty-training spam from my favorite toddler-rearing teen!
Tautou = ♥
ARCHER: Hey, Noro, can we be friends? Can we? I'd ask Tautou, but she's busy, so I'll ask her after. But how about us, can we be friends? Noro? Can we?
NORO: Lalalalalala, I hear nothing.
I still get really amused when my triplets all congregate to the same area. And look, TWO sets of triplets. Teehee!
DAISY: I will close my eyes and count to ten, and YOU better be gone.
GLORY: Oh, I. Am. Out of here!
GLORY: Hey, Logan? What do you think of Daisy?
LOGAN: What do I think? Hmm. I think I've stayed out of all your drama for the past sixteen years or so, and I don't think I want to get involved now.
Smart man, Logan.
Having been driven to a breakdown by the toddlers, Luca decided that a vacation was in order.
LUCA: China . . . Martial arts . . . I could use that to defend myself against toddlers.
Extreme measures much?
ARIA: Deep breath, deep breath. They are not leaving for good. They are coming back. I will make their beds so that everything will be all ready when they come back. I am zen.
Oh, did I mention that all eight of the heir-eligible kids will be going to China?
Hit the ground running.
So, ulterior motive for sending the kids to China: It's coming time to pick a heir, and I wanted some time to focus on just the kids, get a feel for everybody and try to narrow it down. Valid, right?
Daisy considers her surroundings.
DAISY: Hmm, China. A world of evil emperors and overlords. Interesting.
DAISY: Veerrrrryyyy interesting.
I had sent everyone out in pairs, and apparently one of the pairs was comprised of Noro and Daisy.
NORO: If I can master chess, then I can show Daisy that I'm no pawn of hers!
TAUTOU: Hoshit, it's lighting up.
TAUTOU: Well, that was anticlimactic.
So was the secret staircase she opened up.
GLORY: I think I'd rather read a book. That'd be more interesting than this.
What about learning martial arts, Glory? Is that more interesting?
GLORY: Hi-YA!
I'll take that as a yes.
LUCA: Hey girl, I'm going to learn some martial arts moves with my hands, and then I'll give you the best foot massage ever.
LUCA: And take THAT, post!
I have to say, not quite as suave as you'd led me to believe, Luca.
LUCA: Trust me, the foot massages will be ah-may-zing.
RANDOM FRENCH TOURIST: Oh, ma cherie! Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?
Why don't you have a seat over there?
Turns out he wanted to teach her a song. I sent my virtuoso over for that one.
EYES ON HER FACE, PERV.
RANDOM FRENCH TOURIST: The girl has talent! Nothing funny, I just like talent.
Yeah. I bet.
TAUTOU: But I don't waaaaannnnna learn martial arts! That was supposed to be meeeeeee!
Life is hard, I know.
GLORY: The hilllllls are aliiiiiive! With the sound of muuuuuussssic.
TAUTOU: Okay, focus. You can do this! Or at least best her at SOMETHING.
That's the spirit!
Let's check in with everyone else, shall we?
HOMEWORK, Daisy? Um . . .
DAISY: It's history homework, and we're supposed to write an essay on a political figure that we respect.
. . . Please say you didn't choose Hitler.
DAISY: Please, he's so overrated. Stalin's where it's at!
Oh.
That, at least, is normal.
ARCHER: Why the fuck didn't they invite you to learn martial arts? God, you're so stupid! No wonder nobody likes you!
No wonder nobody invited you to learn martial arts, more like. I just cannot condone the idea of you learning any sort of skill that could result in violence.
LOGAN: Hmm. Hmm. Hmmmm.
You're playing yourself.
LOGAN: Well, I'm just stumped.
Let me help you do something else.
Much better!
Jude was apparently doing something really boring, as I don't have any caps of him, and Noro?
Atta girl.
Martial arts spam? NEVER.
P.S. How fucking fierce is Noro's shot there? ♥
And thus ends the first night in China. The China spam to come to its conclusion next update, and bonus: We got the martial arts out of the way, we can move on to NEW spam! Yay?
NEXT TIME, we finish up in China, and then have some birthdays. C'mon, I had, what, two updates with one birthday between the two of them, that is clearly a record for me.