(no subject)
Okay, so obviously I shouldn't listen to Jonathan Coulton because his songs give me these weird ideas. Also, remember Fall Out Boy dressing up as Panic at the Disco for Halloween last year? Not really helping.
So let's say Pete Wentz, famous author, decides to go on a retreat to a small town in the mountains to finish writing his latest book. He's way past deadline, and the city's too big of a distraction, so he comes to this quaint little town that looks like something out of a greeting card.
Pete rents a house just outside of town, and at first things go okay. The people in town are cheerful and friendly and he's making headway on his book. Things are going really, really well, which, of course, is when everything gets weird. Weirder.
Pete starts having these seriously disturbing dreams with this, and he knows it sounds crazy, this doll, right? He can't really remember the dreams/nightmares the next day, just that there's a doll in it. When he calls Joe and Andy to tell him about it they think he's messing with them, and he just plays along with them because he's worried he really is going crazy this time.
One day after a really vivid dream about the doll, he heads into town to see if that will help him get his mind off things. He tells himself he needs groceries and Hemmy could use some exercise, but really he's freaked out and wants to get away from the house for a while.
When he gets to town he notices this antique store he doesn't remember seeing before! It's a little strange, but he's been cooped up in his house for most of the time he's been up there, so it's not completely unexpected that he didn't notice it before.
He's about to walk past when the door opens and someone (let's call him Gerard) smiles creepily at him and somehow or other Pete ends up inside the store! Hemmy's not so sure he really wants to be there, but then someone (let's call him Mikey) walks by and Hemmy is ~enchanted. (IDK, maybe Mikey is flashing a Hemmy-sized hoodie at him or something. *hands*)
Gerard is chattering at Pete, who is sort of wavering between feeling amused and creeped out. He's also wondering why no one else in town has even mentioned these guys because they don't seem like the forgettable kind. And then Gerard hauls this wooden box up on the counter and tells Pete he's been holding it for him for a while and it's about time Pete got there.
Pete, of course, is even more weirded out by this. Gerard's just a strange guy, and he's giving Pete this intense look that's just. It's creepy. Pete's never been to this town before, so unless this is some elaborate joke - he wouldn't put it past Joe or Andy or any of those guys - it's just really creepy.
Gerard makes fussy noises and searches for the key to the lock on the box, and then someone (let's call him Frank) pops out of a back room and yells at Gerard to look in the cabinet behind the counter. Gerard yells back at Frank, and there is this weirdly domestic bickering going on between them for a few minutes. Pete and Mikey roll their eyes at one another because seriously, seriously.
Eventually Gerard finds the key he was looking for exactly where Frank said it was, at which point Frank smirks and goes back to whatever he was doing in the back room.
Gerard's all huffy, but Mikey tells him to get on with it, so he hands the key over to Pete - who gets super creeped out when he sees his name carved on the key because it looks old, like maybe Gerard was telling the truth earlier.
Pete uses the key and opens the box to find a doll. One its eyes is messed up, and its clothes are all worn and tattered, but it's the doll from Pete's dreams. (He maybe freaks out a little because it's the doll from his dreams.)
He's still staring at it when Gerard slams the box shut and shoves the box at Pete. He smiles that creepy smile of his and tells Pete the store's closing early, and to have a nice day as he hustle him out the door. Mikey's walking along behind them with Hemmy trotting at his heels, and before Pete knows what's going on he's on the wooden sidewalk in front of the store with the wooden box and Hemmy with no idea what the hell just happened.
Pete walks back to the house with Hemmy, and sets the box on the kitchen table and leaves it there because still weird and creepy. He avoids the kitchen for the rest of the day, but later that night he has another dream, and wakes up to this knocking. Like, not even normal knocking but angry, pissed off knocking.
He gets a bad feeling when he realizes it's coming from the kitchen, and grabs the fireplace poker from the living room before he heads in there with Hemmy crowding his heels.
Then knocking gets louder when he flips the lights on, like whoever (whatever) it is knows he's there, which. Creepy, okay? Really fucking creepy.
Hemmy's whining, and bolts from the room when a really loud bang comes from inside the box. Pete would really like to follow but he's not going to get scared off by a doll. (He tries not to think about all those movies with the homicidal dolls, but it's kind of difficult at that point.)
When he gets to the table he tries to use the end of the fireplace poker to open the box, but wait, it's locked. Pete still has the key in his pocket, and even though he knows this is usually why the stupid people die first in horror movies, he unlocks the box. He jumps back when the lid flies open and little doll hands come over the edge of the box followed by the rest of the doll.
The doll, by the way, looks really pissed off.
Pete is, surprisingly enough, not freaked out by that, even with the creepy staring eye of the doll. It's just. It's.
"Oh my god, you're adorable." (Pete says this out loud, even though he doesn't mean to.)
The doll is not amused, and lets Pete know it by flipping him off. At least that's what Pete thinks it's trying to do, but it doesn't actually have individual fingers, so. (The meaning behind the gesture is clear enough, he supposes.)
The doll introduces himself as Patrick, and Pete is still kind of stuck on how adorable he is, which Patrick doesn't really seem to appreciate. They're bitchy and pissy at one another, and after a few days of that Pete heads into town with the intent of tracking Gerard down to find out what the hell is going on as he's pretty sure dolls usually don't come to life, and when they do, they usually don't bitch about the dishes or how much honey Pete puts in his tea.
Not so surprisingly, Pete can't find Gerard's store. When he asks around no one in town seems to know anything about the store, and just when he's about to give up and go back to the house and pissy little Patrick a couple of guys (let's call them Ray and Bob) hand him a box and tell him it's from Gerard. Pete opens the box and sees a tiny Patrick-sized hat inside, along with a Patrick-sized guitar. Pete looks up to ask them what's going on they're nowhere to be seen.
Pete's really kind of freaked out, so he heads home, and hey, wow, surprise, Patrick's being bitchy about Pete leaving his dirty clothes all over the place and some blah, blah, blah he doesn't really listen to.
He sets the box on the kitchen table where Patrick's bitching at him and starts looking for something to eat when he realizes it's quiet. When he turns around Patrick's staring at the contents of the box with this, this look on his face.
Patrick puts the hat on, but he's just looking at the guitar, which is when Pete realizes that oh, right. No fingers.
He also notices that Patrick always keeps his ruined eye away from Pete, like he's self-conscious about it, and while the hat helps a little, it's not really working. So Pete goes upstairs and roots around in his stuff until he finds one of the scarves his assistant Ryan packed for him before he left on his retreat. When he comes downstairs the box is closed and sitting on the table where Pete left it, and Patrick doesn't snipe at him for something he did or didn't do.
Pete holds the scarf up and gestures at Patrick's eye, and Patrick gives him this highly suspicious look, which, hey. Pete's not that much of a jerk. Patrick relents, and Pete smiles like he's really pleased with himself as he ties the scarf around Patrick's head like an eyepatch. It's not perfect, but it'll have to do.
After that, things get a little better between them, and Pete completely fails to write anything because he's seriously fascinated with Patrick.
A few weeks later Patrick starts to act all...weird. He gets antsy and twitchy and is starting to freak Pete out, which is when Patrick reveals that he's from another world.
Pete takes the news amazingly well, but that's only because he's learned to embrace his crazy. And then Patrick gets pissy and says, "No, Pete, I'm serious."
He then explains that he's from another world that was taken over by an evil wizard (Pete cracks Harry Potter jokes because seriously, seriously, how can he not?) a long time ago.
Patrick was a minstrel or bard who had the bad luck to catch the evil wizard in the act of disposing of the kingdom's prince who was a baby at the time. (Even more Harry Potter jokes from Pete! Patrick hops off the table and kicks him in the shins. A lot! It hurts because he has little wooden feet!) When Patrick tried to intervene he was turned into a doll by the evil wizard, but he provided enough of a distraction that Gerard (a good wizard!) and the others were able to save the prince and spirit him away to another world where he would be safely out of the reach of the evil wizard. (Still more Harry Potter jokes, but this time Pete keeps his shins away from Patrick.)
Gerard wasn't unable to undo the spell that was cast on Patrick, but conveniently enough, or maybe not very conveniently for Patrick, there's a long and involved prophecy about the royal heir being the one to destroy the evil wizard and restore the kingdom to its former glory! (This is where it's revealed that hey, the prophecy is talking about Pete! He no longer finds the Harry Potter jokes funny, although now Patrick finds them hilarious.)
Gerard shows up and tells Pete that Andy and Joe who were on their way to see Pete (the last time he called them he was bitching about the talking doll, okay, they were worried) have been captured by the evil wizard! Pete has no choice but to rescue them, and so off he goes with Patrick as well as Gerard and his merry band of, uh, people.
There is questing and whatnot, and Pete maybe realizes that oh, hey, Patrick's not really a doll so it's not quite so weird that he totally has a thing for him. Patrick's a little more worried about them not dying, but, okay, Pete's not so bad. If nothing else, the kingdom's definitely going to be in for a surprise, right?
There is an battle! Dramatic and awesome and possibly filled with magics and such, and the villain is defeated! Pete is crowned prince, Andy and Joe take everything in stride and decide to stay as Pete's advisors.
Patrick goes off for a little because he's human again! He wants to go see his family even though it's been a long time and everyone's grown older, but they're his family. Besides, he's pretty sure Pete will have his choice of princesses and he doesn't want to be around to see that.
When he returns to the castle there is awkwardness, and a little bitchiness, but then there is kissing! Also, happily ever afters.
I seriously don't know what's up with my brain anymore. Really.
So let's say Pete Wentz, famous author, decides to go on a retreat to a small town in the mountains to finish writing his latest book. He's way past deadline, and the city's too big of a distraction, so he comes to this quaint little town that looks like something out of a greeting card.
Pete rents a house just outside of town, and at first things go okay. The people in town are cheerful and friendly and he's making headway on his book. Things are going really, really well, which, of course, is when everything gets weird. Weirder.
Pete starts having these seriously disturbing dreams with this, and he knows it sounds crazy, this doll, right? He can't really remember the dreams/nightmares the next day, just that there's a doll in it. When he calls Joe and Andy to tell him about it they think he's messing with them, and he just plays along with them because he's worried he really is going crazy this time.
One day after a really vivid dream about the doll, he heads into town to see if that will help him get his mind off things. He tells himself he needs groceries and Hemmy could use some exercise, but really he's freaked out and wants to get away from the house for a while.
When he gets to town he notices this antique store he doesn't remember seeing before! It's a little strange, but he's been cooped up in his house for most of the time he's been up there, so it's not completely unexpected that he didn't notice it before.
He's about to walk past when the door opens and someone (let's call him Gerard) smiles creepily at him and somehow or other Pete ends up inside the store! Hemmy's not so sure he really wants to be there, but then someone (let's call him Mikey) walks by and Hemmy is ~enchanted. (IDK, maybe Mikey is flashing a Hemmy-sized hoodie at him or something. *hands*)
Gerard is chattering at Pete, who is sort of wavering between feeling amused and creeped out. He's also wondering why no one else in town has even mentioned these guys because they don't seem like the forgettable kind. And then Gerard hauls this wooden box up on the counter and tells Pete he's been holding it for him for a while and it's about time Pete got there.
Pete, of course, is even more weirded out by this. Gerard's just a strange guy, and he's giving Pete this intense look that's just. It's creepy. Pete's never been to this town before, so unless this is some elaborate joke - he wouldn't put it past Joe or Andy or any of those guys - it's just really creepy.
Gerard makes fussy noises and searches for the key to the lock on the box, and then someone (let's call him Frank) pops out of a back room and yells at Gerard to look in the cabinet behind the counter. Gerard yells back at Frank, and there is this weirdly domestic bickering going on between them for a few minutes. Pete and Mikey roll their eyes at one another because seriously, seriously.
Eventually Gerard finds the key he was looking for exactly where Frank said it was, at which point Frank smirks and goes back to whatever he was doing in the back room.
Gerard's all huffy, but Mikey tells him to get on with it, so he hands the key over to Pete - who gets super creeped out when he sees his name carved on the key because it looks old, like maybe Gerard was telling the truth earlier.
Pete uses the key and opens the box to find a doll. One its eyes is messed up, and its clothes are all worn and tattered, but it's the doll from Pete's dreams. (He maybe freaks out a little because it's the doll from his dreams.)
He's still staring at it when Gerard slams the box shut and shoves the box at Pete. He smiles that creepy smile of his and tells Pete the store's closing early, and to have a nice day as he hustle him out the door. Mikey's walking along behind them with Hemmy trotting at his heels, and before Pete knows what's going on he's on the wooden sidewalk in front of the store with the wooden box and Hemmy with no idea what the hell just happened.
Pete walks back to the house with Hemmy, and sets the box on the kitchen table and leaves it there because still weird and creepy. He avoids the kitchen for the rest of the day, but later that night he has another dream, and wakes up to this knocking. Like, not even normal knocking but angry, pissed off knocking.
He gets a bad feeling when he realizes it's coming from the kitchen, and grabs the fireplace poker from the living room before he heads in there with Hemmy crowding his heels.
Then knocking gets louder when he flips the lights on, like whoever (whatever) it is knows he's there, which. Creepy, okay? Really fucking creepy.
Hemmy's whining, and bolts from the room when a really loud bang comes from inside the box. Pete would really like to follow but he's not going to get scared off by a doll. (He tries not to think about all those movies with the homicidal dolls, but it's kind of difficult at that point.)
When he gets to the table he tries to use the end of the fireplace poker to open the box, but wait, it's locked. Pete still has the key in his pocket, and even though he knows this is usually why the stupid people die first in horror movies, he unlocks the box. He jumps back when the lid flies open and little doll hands come over the edge of the box followed by the rest of the doll.
The doll, by the way, looks really pissed off.
Pete is, surprisingly enough, not freaked out by that, even with the creepy staring eye of the doll. It's just. It's.
"Oh my god, you're adorable." (Pete says this out loud, even though he doesn't mean to.)
The doll is not amused, and lets Pete know it by flipping him off. At least that's what Pete thinks it's trying to do, but it doesn't actually have individual fingers, so. (The meaning behind the gesture is clear enough, he supposes.)
The doll introduces himself as Patrick, and Pete is still kind of stuck on how adorable he is, which Patrick doesn't really seem to appreciate. They're bitchy and pissy at one another, and after a few days of that Pete heads into town with the intent of tracking Gerard down to find out what the hell is going on as he's pretty sure dolls usually don't come to life, and when they do, they usually don't bitch about the dishes or how much honey Pete puts in his tea.
Not so surprisingly, Pete can't find Gerard's store. When he asks around no one in town seems to know anything about the store, and just when he's about to give up and go back to the house and pissy little Patrick a couple of guys (let's call them Ray and Bob) hand him a box and tell him it's from Gerard. Pete opens the box and sees a tiny Patrick-sized hat inside, along with a Patrick-sized guitar. Pete looks up to ask them what's going on they're nowhere to be seen.
Pete's really kind of freaked out, so he heads home, and hey, wow, surprise, Patrick's being bitchy about Pete leaving his dirty clothes all over the place and some blah, blah, blah he doesn't really listen to.
He sets the box on the kitchen table where Patrick's bitching at him and starts looking for something to eat when he realizes it's quiet. When he turns around Patrick's staring at the contents of the box with this, this look on his face.
Patrick puts the hat on, but he's just looking at the guitar, which is when Pete realizes that oh, right. No fingers.
He also notices that Patrick always keeps his ruined eye away from Pete, like he's self-conscious about it, and while the hat helps a little, it's not really working. So Pete goes upstairs and roots around in his stuff until he finds one of the scarves his assistant Ryan packed for him before he left on his retreat. When he comes downstairs the box is closed and sitting on the table where Pete left it, and Patrick doesn't snipe at him for something he did or didn't do.
Pete holds the scarf up and gestures at Patrick's eye, and Patrick gives him this highly suspicious look, which, hey. Pete's not that much of a jerk. Patrick relents, and Pete smiles like he's really pleased with himself as he ties the scarf around Patrick's head like an eyepatch. It's not perfect, but it'll have to do.
After that, things get a little better between them, and Pete completely fails to write anything because he's seriously fascinated with Patrick.
A few weeks later Patrick starts to act all...weird. He gets antsy and twitchy and is starting to freak Pete out, which is when Patrick reveals that he's from another world.
Pete takes the news amazingly well, but that's only because he's learned to embrace his crazy. And then Patrick gets pissy and says, "No, Pete, I'm serious."
He then explains that he's from another world that was taken over by an evil wizard (Pete cracks Harry Potter jokes because seriously, seriously, how can he not?) a long time ago.
Patrick was a minstrel or bard who had the bad luck to catch the evil wizard in the act of disposing of the kingdom's prince who was a baby at the time. (Even more Harry Potter jokes from Pete! Patrick hops off the table and kicks him in the shins. A lot! It hurts because he has little wooden feet!) When Patrick tried to intervene he was turned into a doll by the evil wizard, but he provided enough of a distraction that Gerard (a good wizard!) and the others were able to save the prince and spirit him away to another world where he would be safely out of the reach of the evil wizard. (Still more Harry Potter jokes, but this time Pete keeps his shins away from Patrick.)
Gerard wasn't unable to undo the spell that was cast on Patrick, but conveniently enough, or maybe not very conveniently for Patrick, there's a long and involved prophecy about the royal heir being the one to destroy the evil wizard and restore the kingdom to its former glory! (This is where it's revealed that hey, the prophecy is talking about Pete! He no longer finds the Harry Potter jokes funny, although now Patrick finds them hilarious.)
Gerard shows up and tells Pete that Andy and Joe who were on their way to see Pete (the last time he called them he was bitching about the talking doll, okay, they were worried) have been captured by the evil wizard! Pete has no choice but to rescue them, and so off he goes with Patrick as well as Gerard and his merry band of, uh, people.
There is questing and whatnot, and Pete maybe realizes that oh, hey, Patrick's not really a doll so it's not quite so weird that he totally has a thing for him. Patrick's a little more worried about them not dying, but, okay, Pete's not so bad. If nothing else, the kingdom's definitely going to be in for a surprise, right?
There is an battle! Dramatic and awesome and possibly filled with magics and such, and the villain is defeated! Pete is crowned prince, Andy and Joe take everything in stride and decide to stay as Pete's advisors.
Patrick goes off for a little because he's human again! He wants to go see his family even though it's been a long time and everyone's grown older, but they're his family. Besides, he's pretty sure Pete will have his choice of princesses and he doesn't want to be around to see that.
When he returns to the castle there is awkwardness, and a little bitchiness, but then there is kissing! Also, happily ever afters.
I seriously don't know what's up with my brain anymore. Really.