sempiternity [arashi rps]
Title: Sempiternity
Author: waxrose
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Aiba/Jun
Length: ~2,500 words
Author's Notes: Happy birthday, floweranza! ♥ Not much, just a bit of Aiba/Jun lovin' for you. You're fabulous, bb, and your fic always brightens my day. I hope that you have the happiest of happy birthdays. :)
It's going to be a listless summer; Jun can already feel it. Just slipping off the breakneck schedule of drama filming, cranking up in the muggy June evening warmth, he knows that it's going to be a long, slow tease of a summer, anticipation crawling down his skin like beads of sweat.
Busy never seems like busy after filming a drama, there's always those few weeks afterwards of rediscovering what it's like to be able to spend an entire break in a green room sleeping or eating or just laying on a couch staring at the wall rather than carefully re-reading scenes and trying to create the feel of his character in his mind. There are shows, and recordings, promotion for the new single and his radio show, but the frantic pace somewhat slows. Concerts don't start until the end of summer, and even just the early planning is starting to make Jun's nerves tingle with excitement. He wants to be there now, he can already feel the heat and energy of the crowd, the same old feeling of being on the stage, all five of them together. He craves it, and even as he tells himself to slow down, to enjoy these lazier days, go out, relax - he knows that it's useless.
Coming back to Kokuritsu brings that first wave of anticipation. He still remembers the first time, one year ago - now they're back, and none of them have changed all that much. It hasn't been that long. The last time felt heavy with the slow shock and gravity of what they were doing, all of the firsts. This year feels almost like a homecoming; the reality of it still feels a little unbelievable - none of them imagined having this chance more than once - but in many ways, it's become a place they've marked with their own memories, their own sweat and tears. It's their own now, and Jun can feel the other's silence as they stand in the middle of the stadium, the night sky black above them. They've come this far.
Aiba catches his eye as they walk slowly down the track and falls into step beside him. Just ahead of them, Nino has bullied Sho into giving him a piggyback ride and Ohno is jogging along side them, laughing helplessly as Nino slaps Sho's butt and demands that he move faster.
"It's going to be good, huh?" Aiba says, face tilted up towards the sky as they walk.
"Yeah," Jun says, throat thick. The best, he thinks, it's going to be the best. It's unbelievable that they're here at all, that they've surpassed all expectations and doubts, even their own.
Last time, Jun had felt so overwhelmed with excitement, with the sheer enormity of what they were doing that he had drowned himself in planning, absorbed in the details. This time - well, he pulls himself away for awhile. There will be time for that later. Right now, he just wants to enjoy being here, living the impossible twice.
Nino leaves early, because he has rehearsal for the new butai starting in the morning, but the rest of them sit high in the stands (Sho maintains a death grip on one of the side rails) and watch the staff scurry around below like ants - measuring, checking, discussing. Jun is pretty sure that Ohno has fallen asleep next to him, leaning slightly against Jun's side.
"I love this," Aiba says. His voice is husky with emotion, or maybe sleep. "I want us to keep doing this forever. Just like this."
Sho snorts, embarrassed, and he loops an arm around Aiba's neck fondly. "Not forever."
"For as long as we can, then." Aiba corrects himself. "For as long as we want."
"Forever, then," Jun says, and Aiba meets his gaze, eyes shining in the dark. Jun has to look away.
+
Aiba finds him later, just as Jun is just stubbing out his cigarette in the parking lot. It wasn't like Jun was waiting for him, but he had a feeling that Aiba might just come.
They've done this before, though not often. Most of the time, it's easy enough to remember that they are professionals, and there are images to maintain. Who are they are - who they are together - is more complicated than it seems. They work together, but there aren't many jobs that encourage you to walk around holding your colleague's hand. They've known each other for nearly their entire lives, but it isn't just friendship, it's a closeness that was nearly never chosen, but always welcomed. It's a strange mix of connections and mostly, Jun doesn't dwell on it; it's enough to know that they believe in Arashi, that this is where they all want to be.
The reason that they don't do this very often is probably because it's untenable. It's one of those things that just isn't supposed to happen, it's an unknown element in a comfortable, set relationship.
Jun has always thought of sex as a form of communication, a way of saying something that could never be conveyed by words alone. They had all said some pretty mushy things over the years, but the first time Aiba had kissed him, back in the earliest days of Arashi, Jun had really, for the first time, stopped doubting that Aiba felt exactly the same as he did about the whole situation - that it was confusing, frightening, and so uncertain, but that he wanted it more than anything.
The last time they did this was three years ago, on tour in Taiwan. The first Asia tour had been so much like their first concert all over again, and Jun couldn't get over how people knew them, how they had somehow managed to touch people oceans away from Japan. It was so strange. That time had been long and slow and sweet, kissing and kissing for hours, stretched out on one of the beds in Aiba's hotel room.
Aiba is beautiful, inside and out. He could have anyone he wanted, and the thought that he wants Jun tonight, that he maybe needs Jun just like Jun needs him, is a little overwhelming.
This time, the air feels tight with impatience, and Jun can barely breathe on the drive home. They don't talk much, but Aiba keeps his hand on Jun's leg, solid and warm. The city lights stream by in a blur, twinkling in the black summer night.
They get to Jun's place without much incident and Jun parks his car in his spot, annoyed again that the blue car next to him is parked nearly over the line, leaving almost half of it's own space open and making it that much harder for Jun to get his car in.
It's the 'getting there' about all of this which is a bit awkward. When they're on tour, staying overnight someplace, it's easy. It's usually just a matter of fumbling for card keys and drawing the curtains. It's different like this. It's the driving, and the elevator ride up to Jun's apartment, and the way that Aiba hovers in the entranceway, looking around in genuine interest until Jun tells him to go take a shower. They both act pretty casual about it, but Jun is wound tighter than a spring by the time Aiba drips unceremoniously out of the shower with a tiny pink bath towel tied around his waist and flops on Jun's couch.
"Make yourself at home," Jun says, with only a trace of sarcasm.
Aiba grins at him. "I'll be waiting."
Jun doesn't usually bring girls back to his place; sometimes it feels like the one place in the world where he can truly live without someone else's eye on him. His privacy is important to him. It's not very impressive anyways - the walls are a blank white and the furniture is simple and clean. It's usually pretty messy. He's a neat person by nature, but there's just never time.
He showers quickly and stops by the bedroom to rifle through the drawers for condoms and lube, putting them on his bedside table. By the time he gets to the living room, Aiba has the television and the air conditioning both going full blast, and he's laughing his head off at some inane variety show. Jun walks over to the couch very deliberately and slowly, enjoying the way Aiba's eye turn amused, darker as Jun approaches.
Aiba tugs Jun down into his lap and Jun acquiesces, running his hands down Aiba's back, tilting his neck to let Aiba kiss him just under his ear. He closes his eyes, aware of the loud blare of accordion music in the background. "You could turn the television off," he suggests helpfully.
Aiba kisses him again, humming. "Oh sorry," he says, not sounding sorry at all, "I forgot that it was on." He fumbles somewhere between the cushions for the remote.
They kiss for a long time. Jun likes that about Aiba; he isn't one to rush. He kisses Jun like he wants to do it carefully, like he wants to savour it like a particularly sweet strawberry. Even after Jun yanks Aiba's ridiculously small bath towel off, they just slide down onto the couch together, kissing and still kissing. Jun's heart is pounding; has it really been three years since they last did this? He can feel the flex of muscle in Aiba's arms, the familiar and strange solidity of his chest under Jun. He knows Aiba's body, but it's been so long since he could touch him, map every inch with his fingers and mouth.
Aiba grunts as Jun's mouth wanders further down, tangling his fingers in Jun's hair. "I like your couch," he says breathlessly.
They haven't done this more than a handful of times together, but there are set patterns that they both unconsciously follow.
For example, Aiba has never sucked Jun off. Jun doesn't know if he doesn't like the idea or he's nervous, or if the idea of it had never even occurred to him at all. He supposes that he could ask, but he doesn't know how to bring that up. They just let things happen and then never talk about it. It isn't perfect, but it's fine. Jun pauses for a moment over Aiba's stomach, watching his muscles tighten as Jun kisses just underneath his navel. It almost seems worth the awkwardness for a second to ask; his cock feels thick and throbbing already, and the thought of Aiba's mouth on him, the concentrated flutter of his eyelashes, sets off a hot twinge of arousal in his stomach.
Aiba doesn't seem to object at all to Jun giving him a blowjob, though. He carefully slides a hand around the base of Aiba's shaft, brushing his thumb over Aiba's balls as he licks at the head of Aiba's cock.
"Don't tease," Aiba groans, wiggling against the hand pinning down his hip.
"Not going to," Jun says, sliding his lips around Aiba's cock. He liked the hot, slick feeling of Aiba's cock in his mouth, liked the sounds he could coax out of Aiba. He let Aiba push in further, taking him nearly to his limits, before letting him slide back out, the head of his cock dragging wetly over Jun's lips.
"What happened to not teasing?" Aiba says, breathing hard. Jun ignores him, dipping his head lower to tease at Aiba's entrance with his tongue. They've never done this before, but Aiba's garbled moan is all the encouragement Jun needs to slick his tongue inside Aiba, stroking in and out. One of Aiba's legs folds awkwardly around Jun's back, the sole of his foot cold against Jun's back.
"Fuck," Aiba says, and Jun can tell he's getting close, "Jun, Jun, not yet. I'm going to -"
Jun pulls back, sliding back up Aiba's body again, dropping a kiss on Aiba's collarbone. Aiba is almost completely undone, eyes dark and glassy, sweating like he'd just done a concert. "How do you want it?" He rocks a little against Aiba's thigh, gets his knee in between Aiba's legs. It's like waves at the beach, the slight ripple of their bodies against each other.
Aiba kisses him again, lips lingering, his hands cupping Jun's face. "Anything," he breathes, "Just this - yes, like this."
Jun shifts so that their cocks are lined up, brushing against each other. "Turn on your side," he says, trying to work a hand in between them. There isn't much room on the couch.
"No." Aiba's hands on his shoulder stills him, and when he looks down, Aiba looks embarrassed. "Like this, I want," He licks his lips. "On me, like this it's - nice." He slides his arm around Jun's waist, rocking his hips up against him. Jun gets it; he lets his weight settle on Aiba, warm and solid, as they move against each other. Aiba's fingers trace the bumps of his spine, his breaths hot against Jun's ear and Jun squeezes his eyes shut as he comes, drunk on the feeling of all of Aiba's bony bumps and angles beneath him, saying his name softly, so softly.
"We should do this more often," Aiba says afterwards, once they've cleaned up and are crowded together under a blanket on the couch. Jun almost laughs out loud, because really, only Aiba would suggest they have sex more often in the same tone most people talked about going out for coffee.
Jun tries not to be sentimental about the whole thing, but with Aiba snoring softly, nestled against his chest with a blanket pulled up around his ears, Jun just lets himself just get lost in his own head for a moment. He strokes the curve of Aiba's cheekbone with his thumb. It scares him a little, that they can do this together, be this to each other so easily.
"Stay the night?" Jun asks, when he's sure that Aiba has drifted back into wakefulness again.
"I hope you weren't planning to kick me out now," Aiba mumbles against Jun's skin.
"You can stay," Jun says graciously. Aiba makes a satisfied noise and curled up against him, holding Jun so tight that he can barely breathe. Jun sorts out their limbs, tugging the blanket up to their chins against the air-conditioned chill of the room.
Jun liked this best; falling asleep with Aiba felt safe, it feels comfortable. It was never awkward afterwards, because what was done was done and there was little more to be said. In the end, it was simply that he loved Aiba, to a depth that made his heart shiver and his chest warm. He means it when he says he wants this to go on forever. He doesn't care if it's impossible. It's an infinity of feeling stretched out across the time they can take, and that makes all the difference.
FIN
cross-posted to kotobayori
Author: waxrose
Rating: NC-17
Pairing(s): Aiba/Jun
Length: ~2,500 words
Author's Notes: Happy birthday, floweranza! ♥ Not much, just a bit of Aiba/Jun lovin' for you. You're fabulous, bb, and your fic always brightens my day. I hope that you have the happiest of happy birthdays. :)
It's going to be a listless summer; Jun can already feel it. Just slipping off the breakneck schedule of drama filming, cranking up in the muggy June evening warmth, he knows that it's going to be a long, slow tease of a summer, anticipation crawling down his skin like beads of sweat.
Busy never seems like busy after filming a drama, there's always those few weeks afterwards of rediscovering what it's like to be able to spend an entire break in a green room sleeping or eating or just laying on a couch staring at the wall rather than carefully re-reading scenes and trying to create the feel of his character in his mind. There are shows, and recordings, promotion for the new single and his radio show, but the frantic pace somewhat slows. Concerts don't start until the end of summer, and even just the early planning is starting to make Jun's nerves tingle with excitement. He wants to be there now, he can already feel the heat and energy of the crowd, the same old feeling of being on the stage, all five of them together. He craves it, and even as he tells himself to slow down, to enjoy these lazier days, go out, relax - he knows that it's useless.
Coming back to Kokuritsu brings that first wave of anticipation. He still remembers the first time, one year ago - now they're back, and none of them have changed all that much. It hasn't been that long. The last time felt heavy with the slow shock and gravity of what they were doing, all of the firsts. This year feels almost like a homecoming; the reality of it still feels a little unbelievable - none of them imagined having this chance more than once - but in many ways, it's become a place they've marked with their own memories, their own sweat and tears. It's their own now, and Jun can feel the other's silence as they stand in the middle of the stadium, the night sky black above them. They've come this far.
Aiba catches his eye as they walk slowly down the track and falls into step beside him. Just ahead of them, Nino has bullied Sho into giving him a piggyback ride and Ohno is jogging along side them, laughing helplessly as Nino slaps Sho's butt and demands that he move faster.
"It's going to be good, huh?" Aiba says, face tilted up towards the sky as they walk.
"Yeah," Jun says, throat thick. The best, he thinks, it's going to be the best. It's unbelievable that they're here at all, that they've surpassed all expectations and doubts, even their own.
Last time, Jun had felt so overwhelmed with excitement, with the sheer enormity of what they were doing that he had drowned himself in planning, absorbed in the details. This time - well, he pulls himself away for awhile. There will be time for that later. Right now, he just wants to enjoy being here, living the impossible twice.
Nino leaves early, because he has rehearsal for the new butai starting in the morning, but the rest of them sit high in the stands (Sho maintains a death grip on one of the side rails) and watch the staff scurry around below like ants - measuring, checking, discussing. Jun is pretty sure that Ohno has fallen asleep next to him, leaning slightly against Jun's side.
"I love this," Aiba says. His voice is husky with emotion, or maybe sleep. "I want us to keep doing this forever. Just like this."
Sho snorts, embarrassed, and he loops an arm around Aiba's neck fondly. "Not forever."
"For as long as we can, then." Aiba corrects himself. "For as long as we want."
"Forever, then," Jun says, and Aiba meets his gaze, eyes shining in the dark. Jun has to look away.
+
Aiba finds him later, just as Jun is just stubbing out his cigarette in the parking lot. It wasn't like Jun was waiting for him, but he had a feeling that Aiba might just come.
They've done this before, though not often. Most of the time, it's easy enough to remember that they are professionals, and there are images to maintain. Who are they are - who they are together - is more complicated than it seems. They work together, but there aren't many jobs that encourage you to walk around holding your colleague's hand. They've known each other for nearly their entire lives, but it isn't just friendship, it's a closeness that was nearly never chosen, but always welcomed. It's a strange mix of connections and mostly, Jun doesn't dwell on it; it's enough to know that they believe in Arashi, that this is where they all want to be.
The reason that they don't do this very often is probably because it's untenable. It's one of those things that just isn't supposed to happen, it's an unknown element in a comfortable, set relationship.
Jun has always thought of sex as a form of communication, a way of saying something that could never be conveyed by words alone. They had all said some pretty mushy things over the years, but the first time Aiba had kissed him, back in the earliest days of Arashi, Jun had really, for the first time, stopped doubting that Aiba felt exactly the same as he did about the whole situation - that it was confusing, frightening, and so uncertain, but that he wanted it more than anything.
The last time they did this was three years ago, on tour in Taiwan. The first Asia tour had been so much like their first concert all over again, and Jun couldn't get over how people knew them, how they had somehow managed to touch people oceans away from Japan. It was so strange. That time had been long and slow and sweet, kissing and kissing for hours, stretched out on one of the beds in Aiba's hotel room.
Aiba is beautiful, inside and out. He could have anyone he wanted, and the thought that he wants Jun tonight, that he maybe needs Jun just like Jun needs him, is a little overwhelming.
This time, the air feels tight with impatience, and Jun can barely breathe on the drive home. They don't talk much, but Aiba keeps his hand on Jun's leg, solid and warm. The city lights stream by in a blur, twinkling in the black summer night.
They get to Jun's place without much incident and Jun parks his car in his spot, annoyed again that the blue car next to him is parked nearly over the line, leaving almost half of it's own space open and making it that much harder for Jun to get his car in.
It's the 'getting there' about all of this which is a bit awkward. When they're on tour, staying overnight someplace, it's easy. It's usually just a matter of fumbling for card keys and drawing the curtains. It's different like this. It's the driving, and the elevator ride up to Jun's apartment, and the way that Aiba hovers in the entranceway, looking around in genuine interest until Jun tells him to go take a shower. They both act pretty casual about it, but Jun is wound tighter than a spring by the time Aiba drips unceremoniously out of the shower with a tiny pink bath towel tied around his waist and flops on Jun's couch.
"Make yourself at home," Jun says, with only a trace of sarcasm.
Aiba grins at him. "I'll be waiting."
Jun doesn't usually bring girls back to his place; sometimes it feels like the one place in the world where he can truly live without someone else's eye on him. His privacy is important to him. It's not very impressive anyways - the walls are a blank white and the furniture is simple and clean. It's usually pretty messy. He's a neat person by nature, but there's just never time.
He showers quickly and stops by the bedroom to rifle through the drawers for condoms and lube, putting them on his bedside table. By the time he gets to the living room, Aiba has the television and the air conditioning both going full blast, and he's laughing his head off at some inane variety show. Jun walks over to the couch very deliberately and slowly, enjoying the way Aiba's eye turn amused, darker as Jun approaches.
Aiba tugs Jun down into his lap and Jun acquiesces, running his hands down Aiba's back, tilting his neck to let Aiba kiss him just under his ear. He closes his eyes, aware of the loud blare of accordion music in the background. "You could turn the television off," he suggests helpfully.
Aiba kisses him again, humming. "Oh sorry," he says, not sounding sorry at all, "I forgot that it was on." He fumbles somewhere between the cushions for the remote.
They kiss for a long time. Jun likes that about Aiba; he isn't one to rush. He kisses Jun like he wants to do it carefully, like he wants to savour it like a particularly sweet strawberry. Even after Jun yanks Aiba's ridiculously small bath towel off, they just slide down onto the couch together, kissing and still kissing. Jun's heart is pounding; has it really been three years since they last did this? He can feel the flex of muscle in Aiba's arms, the familiar and strange solidity of his chest under Jun. He knows Aiba's body, but it's been so long since he could touch him, map every inch with his fingers and mouth.
Aiba grunts as Jun's mouth wanders further down, tangling his fingers in Jun's hair. "I like your couch," he says breathlessly.
They haven't done this more than a handful of times together, but there are set patterns that they both unconsciously follow.
For example, Aiba has never sucked Jun off. Jun doesn't know if he doesn't like the idea or he's nervous, or if the idea of it had never even occurred to him at all. He supposes that he could ask, but he doesn't know how to bring that up. They just let things happen and then never talk about it. It isn't perfect, but it's fine. Jun pauses for a moment over Aiba's stomach, watching his muscles tighten as Jun kisses just underneath his navel. It almost seems worth the awkwardness for a second to ask; his cock feels thick and throbbing already, and the thought of Aiba's mouth on him, the concentrated flutter of his eyelashes, sets off a hot twinge of arousal in his stomach.
Aiba doesn't seem to object at all to Jun giving him a blowjob, though. He carefully slides a hand around the base of Aiba's shaft, brushing his thumb over Aiba's balls as he licks at the head of Aiba's cock.
"Don't tease," Aiba groans, wiggling against the hand pinning down his hip.
"Not going to," Jun says, sliding his lips around Aiba's cock. He liked the hot, slick feeling of Aiba's cock in his mouth, liked the sounds he could coax out of Aiba. He let Aiba push in further, taking him nearly to his limits, before letting him slide back out, the head of his cock dragging wetly over Jun's lips.
"What happened to not teasing?" Aiba says, breathing hard. Jun ignores him, dipping his head lower to tease at Aiba's entrance with his tongue. They've never done this before, but Aiba's garbled moan is all the encouragement Jun needs to slick his tongue inside Aiba, stroking in and out. One of Aiba's legs folds awkwardly around Jun's back, the sole of his foot cold against Jun's back.
"Fuck," Aiba says, and Jun can tell he's getting close, "Jun, Jun, not yet. I'm going to -"
Jun pulls back, sliding back up Aiba's body again, dropping a kiss on Aiba's collarbone. Aiba is almost completely undone, eyes dark and glassy, sweating like he'd just done a concert. "How do you want it?" He rocks a little against Aiba's thigh, gets his knee in between Aiba's legs. It's like waves at the beach, the slight ripple of their bodies against each other.
Aiba kisses him again, lips lingering, his hands cupping Jun's face. "Anything," he breathes, "Just this - yes, like this."
Jun shifts so that their cocks are lined up, brushing against each other. "Turn on your side," he says, trying to work a hand in between them. There isn't much room on the couch.
"No." Aiba's hands on his shoulder stills him, and when he looks down, Aiba looks embarrassed. "Like this, I want," He licks his lips. "On me, like this it's - nice." He slides his arm around Jun's waist, rocking his hips up against him. Jun gets it; he lets his weight settle on Aiba, warm and solid, as they move against each other. Aiba's fingers trace the bumps of his spine, his breaths hot against Jun's ear and Jun squeezes his eyes shut as he comes, drunk on the feeling of all of Aiba's bony bumps and angles beneath him, saying his name softly, so softly.
"We should do this more often," Aiba says afterwards, once they've cleaned up and are crowded together under a blanket on the couch. Jun almost laughs out loud, because really, only Aiba would suggest they have sex more often in the same tone most people talked about going out for coffee.
Jun tries not to be sentimental about the whole thing, but with Aiba snoring softly, nestled against his chest with a blanket pulled up around his ears, Jun just lets himself just get lost in his own head for a moment. He strokes the curve of Aiba's cheekbone with his thumb. It scares him a little, that they can do this together, be this to each other so easily.
"Stay the night?" Jun asks, when he's sure that Aiba has drifted back into wakefulness again.
"I hope you weren't planning to kick me out now," Aiba mumbles against Jun's skin.
"You can stay," Jun says graciously. Aiba makes a satisfied noise and curled up against him, holding Jun so tight that he can barely breathe. Jun sorts out their limbs, tugging the blanket up to their chins against the air-conditioned chill of the room.
Jun liked this best; falling asleep with Aiba felt safe, it feels comfortable. It was never awkward afterwards, because what was done was done and there was little more to be said. In the end, it was simply that he loved Aiba, to a depth that made his heart shiver and his chest warm. He means it when he says he wants this to go on forever. He doesn't care if it's impossible. It's an infinity of feeling stretched out across the time they can take, and that makes all the difference.
FIN
cross-posted to kotobayori