Chains [1/2]
Title: Chains
Pairing: jongkey, jongyu, onkey
Genre: au, angst, drama
Rating: R
Warnings: Disturbing themes
Word Count: ~18,000
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.
Summary: Jonghyun just wants to love. Kibum just wants to forget. Jinki just wants to fall asleep.
A/N: This is not exactly like my previous stories (I think?) so I am not sure they'll like it but this is for londonleipzig (cos she inspired me to join SBB even if she didn't know she did xD) and nami19 (cos I love her so <3). Also, for those who are not aware, the lyrics are from 떠나지 못해 (Sleepless Night). I got the English translation here. :)
A sigh weighs me down carefully
And won’t let me sleep
“One, two, three.”
Kibum stopped waving to his mother and started counting.
“Four, five, six.”
Their car started to sway and Kibum couldn’t see his mother’s face anymore as she hurriedly turned her head inside the car, probably to ask her husband what was wrong.
“Seven, eight, nine.”
The car was still swaying and Kibum couldn’t possibly hear his mother’s panicked cries or his father’s nervous tone.
“Ten, eleven, twelve.”
He still heard them though.
“Thirteen, fourteen.”
Kibum wondered if they were removing their seatbelts now and if they would jump out of the car to save their own lives.
“Fifteen, sixteen.”
No one jumped.
“Seventeen.”
I’m sorry.
Kibum watched as the car burst into flames. They wouldn’t survive, he was certain of it. He even put small bottles of gas all over the car just to make sure.
The car was too far away now for him to even see the outline of his parents but Kibum could see everything clearly. He could see the blood stains all over the car seats, the shards of glass in their bodies- their burnt face.
He could hear his mother’s whimpers of pain, his father’s cries of anguish.
“One, two, three.”
“Four, five, six.”
Kibum started to count again as he made his way back to their house. His nose was running and he didn’t like the idea of choking his words out so he just continued counting in his head.
Seven, eight, nine.
Ten, eleven, twelve.
He entered the too familiar room he used to share with his cousin when they were younger. There were a number of bigger rooms now in their house but Jinki still refused to leave that room.
Twelve, thirteen, fourteen.
Fifteen, sixteen.
He continued to walk until he was beside his cousin’s bed.
Seventeen.
Kibum closed his eyes as he lied on the floor. He could feel his cousin’s eyes trained on him and Jinki’s silence confirmed to him that the elder boy knew what he did.
That means Jinki-hyung also knew what they did, right?
More tears streamed down his face and Kibum was positive those weren’t for his parents. He counted again in his head. But this time, it wasn’t the years that he spent with his parents that he counted.
He was seven when Jinki started to live with them. So that makes it ten years, doesn’t it?
Ten years…
Did he hate him the whole time?
It doesn’t matter now though.
“I’m sorry,” he managed to say and they both knew he wasn’t apologizing for what his parents did.
Kibum still had his eyes closed and Jinki took his gaze away from his cousin for the first time that night. He watched the dim light coming from the fake stars attached on his room’s ceiling for a while then closed his eyes as well.
“I’m sorry too.”
It didn’t matter because they both knew that from that night on, Kibum would hate Jinki for the rest of their lives.
So Jinki opened his eyes again and didn’t sleep that night.
He wanted to watch Kibum for the last time.
•••
“Kibum-ah, whatcha doing after class? Wanna hangout with me?” Jonghyun asks the freshman eagerly.
It was a couple of days after the term began when the junior met Kibum in the hallway from his English class that he found out the younger boy enrolled to his university. Jonghyun was so thrilled to say the least. See, he kinda has this teeny-tiny crush on Kibum since the time he first saw the younger lad about half a year ago.
Okay, maybe not that tiny.
The point is, he likes Kibum and Jonghyun thinks that being in the same university is the universe’s way of telling him that they are meant to be together. Or something like that.
“Not really,” answers the younger boy as he continues to absentmindedly play with his food.
That isn’t really the answer the older lad is hoping for (his invitation may seem carefree but in reality Jonghyun thought about it for days). He isn’t the type to give up easily though. So he tries again, “How about on Friday? My friend is having this party and there will be drinks and stuff.”
Kibum looks at him this time and Jonghyun regains hope.
“Not interested,” is the reply he gets and the junior visibly deflates.
“Oh, okay.”
The atmosphere seems tense -at least in Jonghyun’s opinion as Kibum just resumes poking his pasta with fork again- and he’s not very good at handling awkward situations so Jonghyun opts to excuse himself, “Uhm I have a class in a few so, see you around?”
“Yeah. See you, Hyung,” Kibum says with a smile and a slight wave and Jonghyun just knows that won’t be the last time he’ll be trying to ask the younger boy out.
•••
“Jinki-hyung!”
Jinki turns around and instantly frowns when he sees his roommate waving at him zealously, “How many times do I have to tell you not to shout in the library Taeminnie?”
Taemin ignores his remark and instead sits himself on one of the chairs surrounding the table Jinki intends to occupy, “We got dismissed early, wanna go grab lunch together?”
“Is that how you say ‘I blew my allowance again buying snacks, so please buy me lunch Hyung’ now?”
Taemin frowns at the harsh statement. But he really is running low on allowance now and making Jinki pay for his lunch whenever he has a chance is one of his only ways to survive until the end of the month so he doesn’t argue.
Jinki starts with his work while Taemin sits quietly across him. He knows he’ll still end up treating the younger boy but Jinki likes to think that shooting the boy down sometimes, albeit just for show, will probably teach Taemin a lesson and stop spending his allowance so casually.
Of course, the senior’s resolve doesn’t last long and after five minutes of uncomfortable silence (for Jinki), the elder gives up, sighing, “Fine. But this is really the last time I’m buying you lunch this week, okay? I don’t have much money left too.” He glares at the now beaming freshman, mumbling things Taemin doesn’t bother to comprehend. He has already secured lunch for the day after all.
“You’re really the best Hyung!” Taemin lets out as he stands and hugs the older boy from across the table. This earns them curious glances from the other library occupants and Jinki tries to pry the lanky arms away immediately.
“Just shut up there. There’s still an hour before noon,” Jinki says, when the excited teen finally lets him go.
“Yes, Hyung,” Taemin chirps, getting his phone out of his jeans to start playing Candy pang.
Jinki shakes his head disapprovingly at the sight before shifting his attention back to his work. Maybe befriending the kid who frequented the convenience store he used to work at really was a mistake, he thinks painfully. Jinki hasn’t even written a single word yet when feels a gaze on him and he instinctively moves his head to the right and his sight catches something, someone, he doesn’t think he’ll ever see again.
Their eyes met and Jinki retracts his gaze immediately as if burnt by the glare directed at him.
The senior tries to calm himself. He takes deep breaths while trying not to be too noticeable because Taemin making a fuss is the last thing he wants right now. After a while he feels much better although his heart is still beating insanely fast and Jinki tries to continue working on his essay again. He knows there’s no point though. Because from the moment he sees Kibum, his mind is filled with nothing but the boy and their past.
Kibum leaves the library not long after and Jinki gives up wasting time pretending to do his homework. He grabs his things and throw them into his backpack, uttering a strained, “Let’s go,” to Taemin before walking away.
•••
Kibum looks at his reflection on the mirror as he continues to calm himself. A month after the term starts and he is already regretting going back to Seoul and enrolling in his school.
“Fuck,” he curses and proceeds to wash his face with the cool water. It doesn’t help.
It’s fine. Kibum convinces himself. It isn’t like they will always run into each other. The university is huge and it isn’t like they have the same majors nor have common classes. He just have to avoid the main library from now on.
It still doesn’t change the fact that they cross paths today though. He curses again.
•••
“Hyung!”
Jinki turns around, recognizing the voice immediately. “Hey,” he greets back, smiling at the junior in front of him.
“You aren’t with that pretty kid today?”
Jinki is clueless for a moment before realizing that Jonghyun’s referring to his roommate, “Oh, Taemin? He has class right now. You need anything from him?”
“No, not really. Just that I usually see you together,” Jonghyun chuckles lightheartedly.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, so, where ya going to? I’m on break right now. Are you too?”
“Yeah,” Jinki replies, he’s not exactly good at conversing with people he doesn’t talk much with. He and Jonghyun had a common class together the previous year but they didn’t talk at all until they accidentally met at a mall before the term ended and found out they had a common friend who coincidentally has the same name as the junior.
“Great. Wanna go grab a snack?” Jonghyun smiles and even if he isn’t really hungry and is actually planning on finishing up his thesis proposal due the following week, Jinki finds himself agreeing, “Sure.”
Jonghyun grins at him and Jinki smiles in return. He’s admittedly a very awkward person but smiling has always been an easy task for him.
“Jonghyun tells me you sing well. You should go with us at the noraebang next time!” the junior says excitedly.
He’s really energetic, Jinki thinks, “Uhm, yeah, that would be nice?”
Jonghyun chuckles and the elder boy considers if he should be offended.
“You’re really funny hyung.”
Yes, he really should be offended, Jinki concludes. He just feels a little more embarrassed than usual though, “I’m sorry?”
“No, no. I meant it in a good way. Really,” Jonghyun says waving his hands. He grins and puts an arm around the taller boy. Jinki tries not to flinch.
“Uhm, I’m not in town this weekend but I think my weekends after that are all open so I’ll contact the guys then I’ll text you?”
“Okay,” Jinki replies, still trying to comprehend the turn of events while thinking of a subtle way to remove the arms on his shoulders. You see, along with being awkward, Jinki also has skinship issues. And unfortunately for him, the boy beside him seems to be the complete opposite.
“Here, gimme your number,” Jonghyun says, giving the senior his phone.
“Great,” Jonghyun remarks as he puts back his phone in his pocket after Jinki types in his number. They continue walking in silence and Jinki is thankful that Jonghyun is actually capable of shutting up even for a little while. His arm is still on my shoulder though, he laments.
After a comfortable minute of silence -not exactly on the elder boy’s part, but let’s face it, he’s never comfortable when with other people, his roommate included- Jinki is startled when Jonghyun suddenly yells, “Kibum-ah!”
He feels the younger boy’s arm leave his shoulder in favor of waving both his hands eagerly towards the blonde boy at the opposite side of the road. Said lad looks at their direction at the mention of his name and immediately smiles when he sees the excited junior.
Jonghyun is still waving animatedly and Kibum waves his hand a bit in return, still smiling, until he notices the person beside the elder boy. It’s difficult not to notice the abrupt change in the freshman’s expression and Jinki can feel Jonghyun’s gaze on him as he chooses to stare at the ground instead. He hears Kibum shouts an “I have to go, Hyung,” not long after and Jinki tries not to wince the second time that day from the familiar term.
Jinki knows the goodbye isn’t directed to him but he can’t stop himself from looking up and watching Kibum turn around and resume walking at the other side of the street. When he is finally able to make himself stop staring, Jonghyun has long put his hand down from waving goodbye to the freshman and instead is gazing inquiringly at him. He knows Jonghyun wants to know what just happened but he is again grateful that the other turns out to be more tactful than he appears to be.
•••
When I think of you, my day filled with sighs is so long
When I sometimes see the river, the words "I love you" won't float away
Jonghyun isn’t really sure why he’s so interested in Kibum. Not because Kibum is a boy. Jonghyun isn’t really particular with that. He’s been officially bi since high school after all so that’s not an issue for him anymore. It’s just that, Jonghyun usually only takes interest on people that are also interested in him. And Kibum doesn’t exactly fit that category.
He still remembers seeing the younger boy for the first time.
It was a few months back and he was out to the convenience store to buy a couple packets of ramyeon and a bottle of juice. He was running low on allowance as always so eating out for lunch just wasn’t an option. He passed by the playground on his way back and decided to sit on the bench for a bit as he finished his ice drop. He cancelled the juice from his shopping list to instead buy himself the cold treat. The place was empty save for him as it was noon and everyone was probably at home eating their certainly more delightful lunch or being forced to take a nap by their mothers in pretense that it would make them grow taller but in reality they just wanted to gossip with the neighbors. Jonghyun cringed at the thought, thinking how he hated it when he was a kid though he now truly regretted it. Not because he didn’t end up growing that tall (he still didn’t believe that shitty lie) he just lamented wasting all those nap time he should’ve enjoyed when he still had the chance to.
It took him a while to notice that he was, in fact, not alone in the playground. A young boy around his age was sitting on one of the swings at the opposite side of the park and Jonghyun decided to say hi. He was bored and he figured cooking his lonesome lunch could wait. He stopped midway though, when he noticed the other boy was crying. Jonghyun debated to himself if he should go and ask the boy what was wrong but he felt like it wasn’t his position to do so. He watched the boy for a little while more until his stomach grumbled and he decided to stop being a creep and went home.
He met Kibum again weeks later and found out they share a couple of friends. He also learned during their second meeting though that Kibum didn’t live in Seoul and it was such a bummer and he sort of forgot everything about the younger boy until he saw him again at the university and found out that Kibum decided to stay in Seoul for college.
Jonghyun sighs. He wonders if he would’ve liked Kibum even if he didn’t saw him that day. If he didn’t see Kibum’s soft side, would he have felt so protective of the boy? Probably not. But Jonghyun doesn’t think of complex things and all that matters to him is that he likes Kibum now and he decides there’s really no need to know anything besides that.
•••
“You’re eating apple for lunch?”
Kibum is startled for a bit then frowns at the junior, “It’s none of your business.”
Jonghyun raises an eyebrow at the attitude but says nothing as he sits on the bench opposite the younger lad. Kibum shifts his glance from the older boy and resumes putting the slice of apple in his mouth. After chewing, he utters a low, “Sorry. I was late in class and got scolded so.”
Jonghyun hums in reply. It isn’t like he doesn’t know Kibum has an attitude so he dismisses it easily.
“Don’t you have class right now?” Kibum says after a while as Jonghyun types on his phone.
“Driving me away already?” Jonghyun intends it to sound as a joke but it comes out a lot more hurt than he likes to admit.
“I was just asking,” the younger scowls.
None of them speaks for a while until Kibum finally submits and says, “I don’t really feel like attending my afternoon classes anymore.” He pauses and then adds -rather coyly, Jonghyun notes-, “Wanna ditch with me?”
It doesn’t occur to him instantly. But when it does, Jonghyun’s grinning widely and he fools no one when he tries to sound nonchalant as he replies, “I guess? I was planning on skipping Bio anyway.”
Kibum wants to scoff at the other’s obvious lie but a smile is already plastered on his own lips. “You’ll treat me Hyung, right?” he asks as they stand up to leave.
“Uh… It depends?”
It is Kibum’s turn to raise an eyebrow.
“No! Wha- what are you thinking?!” Jonghyun asks incredulously, halting his steps to gape at the boy beside him.
“Exactly what you were implying,” Kibum replies, staring at the other boy disapprovingly. Jonghyun swears he hears him mutter ‘pervert’ which may or may not be intended for his hearing.
Jonghyun gets flustered with the misunderstanding. Alright, he may be a little pervert at times (Who isn’t? He uselessly argues in his mind) but this is certainly not one of those. He’s been asking the other boy out for a while already and he’s not that stupid to imply something corrupt when he finally has his chance.
“I wasn’t implying anything!” Jonghyun lets out, feeling rather upset for being treated unfairly. Just because he looks like a pervert doesn’t mean that he really is one! Okay, that sounds rather pathetic even in his head and Jonghyun just wants to bang his head on the wall.
“Yeah, you were so not,” Kibum scoffs.
“I’m poor okay! And no offense but you seem to like to eat at fancy places and I can’t afford that because my parents are stingy and don’t trust me with a credit card. I mean, why are they so mean? My sister has hers since she was sixteen and it isn’t like I’m going to buy useless stuff. Alright, I did stole once from them when I was fourteen but that’s only because I really wanna have that phone and they said they wouldn’t buy it for me unless I have at least B in all my subjects and that’s just mean cos they know that my English teacher really hates me. Like, really. I swear he glares at me every time and I wasn’t even doing anything! I just slept in his class once and he’s already like that and?” Jonghyun stops his rant when he notices Kibum stifling a laugh and he yells to get the freshman’s attention, “Ya!”
“So you’re not a pervert but you’re poor and has a sharp tongue. And you just admitted that you’re an idiot. Really smooth, Hyung.” Kibum remarks after he is done laughing at Jonghyun’s expense.
“I don’t have a sharp tongue,” the junior replies pitifully.
“You just called me high maintenance,” Kibum points out.
“I didn’t!”
“You so did.”
Kibum thinks the older is about to throw a fit any second so he amends quickly, “But you’re cute so. And I have a sharp tongue too so I guess I can live with that.”
He grabs Jonghyun’s wrist and tugs him as he starts walking again, “Come on, Hyung. Even the poor you can treat me to noraebang right? ”
Kibum smiles sweetly and Jonghyun debates to himself if it isn’t too late to get out of this. “I still hate you, you know?” he says after a while, letting himself be dragged by the younger boy.
Kibum pretends he doesn’t hear him and Jonghyun once again considers his options. He sighs loudly when he finally stops fooling himself that giving up Kibum for his own sanity is ever an option.
Maybe it’s time to look for a part-time job, Jonghyun thinks.
I’m so screwed, he adds as an afterthought.
•••
Jinki’s been standing in front of the building where Jonghyun says they’ll be meeting with their friends-slash-not-really-friends (Jinki actually only knows some of them so he isn’t really sure what’s the right term to use) for almost twenty minutes now and he’s starting to wonder if he got the place wrong. Or the time for that matter since four in the afternoon is too early to go to a noraebang, right? Well, not like he’s an expert on the subject as he’s only been in one for a couple of occasions prior but. In any case, he reads the sign on the building again and then checks his phone to match the name of the place and make sure he didn’t get the meeting time wrong. He does that sometimes so it won’t really surprise him if they are actually supposed to meet the next day and not today.
Jinki is too busy looking at his phone that he doesn’t notice a certain silvery white haired boy coming towards him with speeding steps as the younger student sees the senior already waiting.
“You made it!” Jonghyun lets out with a toothy grin as he pats Jinki’s shoulders startling the taller lad.
“You kept calling me until I said I’ll come so…” the elder mumbles to no one in particular, pocketing his phone.
“They said they’re on their way. Those guys are always late so I guess it’s a good thing I was early this time,” Jonghyun winks proudly.
“It’s 4:20.”
“Yeah, and I told you we’ll meet at four, right?”
Jinki nods and it hits Jonghyun.
“Oh! You thought four means four! I’m sorry. I should’ve told ya. My friends always come like an hour late. Well, we all do so… yeah. I figured you were also just bored at home and went here early like me. Sorry, Hyung,” Jonghyun utters apologetically, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.
“It’s fine. I was really kind of bored anyway and none of the things I wrote during the last hour before I went out really made sense so. Yeah, it’s cool,” Jinki replies with a smile and Jonghyun thinks the senior really looks pretty when he beams.
“Uhm, so wanna grab a snack first while we wait? We probably still have half an hour to spare,” Jonghyun says when he recovers from his brief he’s-so-cute-how-did-I-not-notice-that-before moment.
“Sure. I’m actually kinda hungry. Can we go to that chicken place at the corner? They used to have a branch near the campus but then it closed down last year,” the senior says with a slight pout and Jonghyun possibly would have pointed out that he only wants to grab a snack and not an actual meal if he isn’t too distracted pondering whether Jinki looks cuter smiling or pouting.
•••
The days that were so beautiful
Even the times we hated each other
I miss them so much, I can’t forget them
Kibum is stabbing his lasagna grumpily when Jonghyun takes the seat in front of him, “Were you late again and got scolded or did that pasta do something to you?”
The freshman frowns which Jonghyun just returns with a grin and Kibum suddenly has the urge to stab the elder boy with his fork instead. Figuring that the suspension or whatever he’ll be getting is not worth it, he settles with replying a cranky, “Why are you here again? Do you ever go to class?”
“We have the same break on Wednesdays and Fridays,” the junior replies simply.
“I need to find a hiding place for those days then,” Kibum remarks unamused.
“Don’t bother. I’ll still find you anyway,” Jonghyun smirks and Kibum has to let go of the utensil in his hand in order to prevent himself from throwing it on the cocky student’s face.
“You’re ugly, do you know that?”
“Not true. I just saw myself on the mirror a few minutes ago and I don’t want to sound conceited or anything but this I’m sure is not what you can call ugly,” Jonghyun replies gesturing at his face haughtily.
“Hmm, okay. Too bad for you it’s hard to see that face you’re so proud of when you’re standing in a crowd cos you’re too short,” the freshman retorts triumphantly.
“Ya!”
“Tell me I’m wrong,” Kibum challenges.
“We’re sitting,” Jonghyun pouts.
“Fine. Whatever you say shorty.”
“I hate you.”
“Hmm.”
“Really. You’re the meanest person I know,” the white haired boy states sulkily.
“You still like me though.”
Jonghyun doesn’t have a reply to that.
They sit in silence for a while until Kibum pokes Jonghyun’s hands on the table with his index finger muttering a low, “Hey.”
The elder boy ignores him and Kibum pokes him more until the junior gives up and lets out an annoyed, “What?”
“I’m sorry,” Kibum replies sincerely and the tone makes Jonghyun look up and meet the younger’s gaze.
The freshman smiles a little and Jonghyun tries to remember what he is mad about. He recalls after a few seconds of blatant staring and an involuntary pout spreads on his lips as he childishly (not that Jonghyun will ever admit it) says, “I don’t like it when people calls me short.”
“Yeah, I figured,” Kibum responds. “Though to be honest I’m sorrier for being a bitch in general rather than for calling you short,” he adds as an afterthought.
“I didn’t say you’re a bitch.”
“Hm, you didn’t have to. I know I am.”
“You’re not.”
Kibum looks at him pointedly and Jonghyun retracts his statement, “Fine. You can be difficult at times. But you get guilty after a while like now so… yeah.”
“You just said I’m the meanest person you know.”
“I say that to everyone who says I’m short,” Jonghyun says casually.
“I retract my apology.”
“You can’t do that.”
“I just did,” Kibum counters.
“Meanie.”
“Shorty.”
“You’re insufferable,” Jonghyun groans.
“Big words for someone your size,” the younger boy replies mockingly.
“I hate you.”
“You can’t say that again.”
“But I do hate you,” Jonghyun states as he glares at the snarky boy.
“Okay. Then I take you won’t want to eat lunch with me next Friday. And I am thinking about bringing food for you too.”
“You eat apples on Fridays.”
“Exactly.”
“You can have your apples to yourself.” Jonghyun snorts. And then later adds, “On second thought, why don’t we eat real lunch together outside the uni for a change? I’m kinda getting tired of the food here to be honest.”
“It took you three years to get tired of these pathetic excuse for a food?”
“Sorry if my stomach is not as picky as yours,” Jonghyun replies offhandedly.
“As long as you’ll pay,” Kibum shrugs.
“You’re such a gold digger, you know that?”
“Nah, I prefer to just call myself attractive,” Kibum smiles brightly and Jonghyun concludes that he really does need to get that part-time job soon.
•••
It’s been almost a month after that incident with Jinki and Kibum and Jonghyun has spent time with both boys a few times since then but it still bothers him. He never mentioned it to both of them since contrary to the majority’s opinion, Jonghyun is not insensitive.
Kibum acts as if nothing happened after that, if their sort of date a week after the incident is something to go by. Jinki, on the other hand, seems to be more tensed than usual to the extent that during the first couple of times they met after the incident Jinki seemed like he was going to jump to the nearest hole every time Jonghyun spoke.
The junior sighs. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it since perhaps Kibum wasn’t really glaring at Jinki that time and everyone knows Jinki’s always awkward so perhaps he really is just overthinking it. It is then that his eyes catches Jaejin and Jonghyun runs towards the sophomore’s direction as if his life depended on it.
Jaejin looks at him confusedly while he pants heavily in front of the younger boy when he finally manages to catch up with him. “Hey,” Jonghyun says, as he attempts to steady his breathing.
“Hyung,” the younger greets back unsurely.
“Uhm, you know Kibum and Jinki-hyung right?” Jonghyun asks finally, making the other lad throw another puzzled look in his direction.
“Yeah. We all went to the same high school together,” Jaejin reponds. He waits for the older boy to ask further questions but Jonghyun just gapes at him so he continues, “I really don’t know much about Jinki-hyung since he’s two grades our senior but Kibum and I were on the same class. He quit briefly after senior year started and went to Daegu to live with his grandmother when his parents died. I think Jinki-hyung stayed though.”
“What do you mean Jinki-hyung stayed?” Jonghyun’s the one confused now.
“Oh, you didn’t know? Kibum and Jinki-hyung are cousins.”
Jonghyun is too stunned to react and Jaejin takes it as the junior telling him to continue, “Kibum is pissed every time we mentioned Jinki-hyung after that so we still don’t know what happened between them. Kibum’s probably angry that Jinki-hyung didn’t come with him to Daegu after the incident. I’m not really sure, though.”
Jonghyun doesn’t know how to process the new information presented to him. Not that Kibum and Jinki being cousins is unthinkable. He just didn’t consider it.
“Is something wrong, Hyung?” Jaejin asks worriedly when Jonghyun still doesn’t speak after a while, the guy is usually such a chatterbox.
“Uhm, no. Not really. Just that, Jinki-hyung and I were walking the other day and when Kibum sees him he kinda glares at him, and yeah,” Jonghyun explains.
“They are still on bad terms, I guess?”
“Yeah… probably.”
“Uhm, I gotta run Hyung. I have a class in, well, right now.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry,” says Jonghyun.
“No worries. Not that I enjoy listening to that old fag talk about history anyway,” Jaejin replies, winking.
Jonghyun finally chuckles, “Go now, lazy ass.”
“Like you aren’t one yourself,” Jaejin scoffs and playfully shoves the older boy.
Jonghyun does the same, though a bit harder, and runs away before the younger boy can retaliate.
•••
“This sucks,” Kibum whines as he puts his head on top of the table.
“What is?” Woohyun asks after taking a sip of his caramel latte.
“Everything,” Kibum mumbles on the wooden table.
Woohyun hums sympathetically. Freshman year can really drive students crazy. And Kibum having his friends a year above him probably makes everything more annoying for the other boy because he doesn’t have someone to complain with. “Want me to help you with anything?” he offers.
The blonde raises his head at this, “And what can you help me with? We don’t even have the same major.”
“You’re a freshman. Most of your subjects are minors,” the raven points out.
“Hmp. You’re still a lot dumber than me,” Kibum snorts.
“I offer help and you mock me. Really,” Woohyun utters disbelievingly.
“Not my fault you’re stupid,” the freshman shrugs.
Woohyun sighs. If Kibum’s talking to someone else the boy probably got punched by now but he’s known the blonde since first grade and he’s used to his moods and hurtful tongue by now so he just counts to ten in his head and when that doesn’t work, he tries to recall that time in fourth grade when Kibum shamed him in front of the girl he liked and he punched the boy and got punched in return. And well, let’s just say it’s the day he realized that Kibum may act like a girl but he does punch like a man (never mind that they were still kids back then).
“Fine. Am not offering you anything anymore. Happy now?” Woohyun says finally.
“Not even a crappy massage, a slice of cake, or anything?” Kibum asks in disbelief. And when the raven is too shocked to reply he adds dryly, “What a friend you are.”
Woohyun wonders for the twelfth time that day how he still manages to be friends with the boy in front of him. He’s about to point out to Kibum that he paid for the frappe the boy’s currently sipping but something catches his attention, “Isn’t that Jinki-hyung?”
Kibum doesn’t look at the direction Woohyun is staring at and instead glares at the other boy. All his friends know he hates Jinki so he doesn’t really get why the raven thinks it’s a good idea to tell him his cousin is in the same place when he’s already in a bad mood.
“You’re not going to say hi?” the dark haired boy asks ignoring the dirty look Kibum is giving him. He knows his friend is not in good terms with his cousin but he thinks Kibum should stop bitching by now and forgive Jinki for not going with him in Daegu. It’s been two years already after all.
Kibum doesn’t reply and instead gathers his things while Woohyun watches reproachfully. When the blonde finishes, he throws the other lad a look and huffs, “You’re not going?”
Woohyun shakes his head disapprovingly as he stands up but follows anyway. Jinki doesn’t see them but Kibum gets a glimpse of his cousin’s back as they make their way to the exit and he tries hard not to look back when his sight catches another familiar figure with unmistakably white hair standing beside the older boy.
•••
Kibum tries to continue writing his pathetic philosophy essay but finally gives up after wasting forty minutes just staring at his laptop screen.
“Aish, why did I even get that stupid, pathetic subject? I should’ve taken logic instead,” he whines uselessly as he closes his laptop and rests his read on top of it not bothering to shut the thing down. He’ll have to continue writing after a while anyway since he hasn’t even finished a page while the minimum is five and the paper is due the next day.
Why is he with that guy? Are they that close? They don’t have the same major, do they?
He tosses a pen -the first thing he sees and deems alright to lose- in frustration as endless questions pops into his head and irritates the hell out of him even more than the dumb paper he’s been trying to write all night.
I don’t care if they’re that close. It’s not like I’m going out with Jonghyun-hyung anyway.
Not yet, at least.
“Fuck it,” he curses as he stands up and makes his way to the couch. He’ll just sleep. It’s not like he can finish the paper anyway. He’ll just skip that class tomorrow and submit it the next meeting. It won’t make much difference on the grade he’ll be getting anyhow, with all the nonsense he’s been writing.
•••
I hate myself for trying to erase you without regrets
I really hate my heart that's holding onto you again
“I’m so hammered right now.” Jonghyun announces, like there’s a need to, as he flops himself on Jinki’s couch.
The older lad just chuckles and he goes to the kitchen to make coffee for the two of them. When Jinki comes back, the other boy is still babbling.
“Why aren’t you drunk, Hyung? You had more drinks than me!” Jonghyun lets out, as if it is the senior’s fault that he is more sober than him.
“I am drunk. But clearly not as drunk a you are,” Jinki answers patiently.
Jonghyun hisses as he gets his mug from the older boy. “This is good,” he comments after taking a sip.
Jinki just hums in reply. A drunk guy complimenting his coffee making skill doesn’t mean much after all.
“Hyung,” Jonghyun calls out after a while and Jinki looks up from his coffee.
“Hyung, you know, I asked Jaejin about you and Kibum. I’m sorry I did but I was really curious.”
Jinki feels his body gets rigid with the mention of his cousin’s name but the drunk boy doesn’t notice and continues with his monologue, “I mean, I like you both a lot and it just sucks that we can’t all hang out together.”
“I’m sorry,” Jinki finally replies after a long pause and it seems to sober up Jonghyun.
“No, no. I’m sorry I said anything!” the younger panics as he puts down his mug and gestures with his hand.
Jinki smiles forlornly and Jonghyun never felt like a douche as much as he does at that moment.
“Uhm, I’ll get a blanket and some pillows. You can take that couch.”
“Yeah… thanks,” Jonghyun replies guiltily regretting saying anything at all when he’s so drunk. He should’ve known better than drinking like there’s no tomorrow when his alcohol tolerance is so low. And really, why was he born as such a blabber?
Jinki comes back later with the stuff he promised and they exchanged good nights rather stiffly. The elder boy then goes back to his room, silently wishing the same thing as Jonghyun.
•••
Jonghyun’s waiting for Jinki at a fast food joint they decided to meet that Sunday. He’s been hanging out with the older boy almost every weekend since that time they first went out with some of their friends. He’s not exactly sure why, but he really likes spending time with the older boy. Perhaps because Jinki is different from all of his friends. How he’s still awkward with Jonghyun when they have been going around town during weekends for a couple of months now. How he gets really excited about the littlest things. How he has that goofy smile on his face when he thinks about something funny -at least in Jinki’s standard since Jonghyun never really gets the senior’s jokes or anything that amuses the other lad. The fact that he (and everyone else, really) never understands them while Jinki thinks they are hilarious, amuses him though- and how the boy sulks really cutely.
Jonghyun really enjoys Jinki’s company and he’s very relieved that nothing changed between them after that night when he got drunk and blabbed. Well, the night itself and the morning after was awkward and he was so scared to contact the senior at first and ended up not doing so for over a week until he finally got the courage and texted the older boy to get coffee during their only common break. Jinki agreed and they were fine after that. And because of that, they now regularly spend their Tuesday afternoon break together to get either coffee or milk tea. Well, Jinki has admittedly a bigger appetite than him so more often than not they pass by the doughnut shop nearby or the burger joint first so Jinki can also have his snack.
When Jinki finally arrives, Jonghyun guilt trips him for being late until the older boy offers to pay for both their orders.
“Sorry, I showered early and was reading to pass time but then I fell asleep so… yeah,” Jinki says as they sit on their booth after getting their food.
“It’s okay. I didn’t really mind. I just wanted you to pay for our food that’s why I complained,” Jonghyun replies, grinning toothily at the older boy.
“Why am I surrounded by people who only wants me around to buy them food?” the senior sulks, pouting.
“Eh? Who else guilt trips you to buy food?”
Jinki makes a face before answering, “My roommate. He’s a reckless spender so halfway through the month he’s already broke so he hunts me every lunchtime so we can eat together. Well, more like me eating and him not buying anything so I won’t have a choice but to buy him something because it’s just so weird eating while someone almost drools in front of you and the boy’s really skinny and even though I know in reality he really eats a lot I still get guilty and?”
“Yeah, Hyung. I got your point,” Jonghyun cuts the elder’s rant, gesturing stop with his hand. After giving Jinki’s question a thought, he comments, “It’s not true though. I don’t hang out with you just so I can get free food.”
“I wonder about that,” Jinki says and after a brief pause -which he uses to meet Jonghyun’s gaze for further effect- he adds, “Last Tuesday, you made me pay for your milk tea because you failed your Bio quiz. The week before that, you asked me to buy you cheesecake cos you stayed up late the night before writing your English paper. Yesterday, you made me pay for our popcorn and drinks when we went to the cinema cos you said I picked the movie we were going to watch. But I only chose because you asked me to.”
“That’s-” Jonghyun starts defensively but then stops and says in a resigned tone, “Fine. Sorry, I didn’t notice I was making you pay for me so much.” When Jinki gives him an apprehensive look, Jonghyun seriously adds, “Honest.”
“Uhm, how about I pay you back for all these? I’ll pay for us both. And I’ll also buy the tokens for the arcade later. You don’t have to pay for anything today,” Jonghyun says and if only Jinki isn’t concerned that it’ll offend the shorter boy, he would’ve already laughed out loud because he finds Jonghyun’s reaction to his little sulking thoroughly amusing.
Jonghyun doesn’t seem to notice the older boy’s amusement and continues earnestly, “And I promise from now on I won’t make you buy me anything whatever exam I fail, paper I write, or movie you choose.” He pauses and then finishes with a grin, “Next time you come late though, I’ll make you pay.”
Fair enough, Jinki thinks and he grins back widely, “Deal.”
“Deal,” Jonghyun parrots and Jinki tries his best not to appear too giggly as he takes a huge bite on his burger.
•••
“Not eating apples today?” Jonghyun asks as he puts his tray on the table and sits across Kibum.
“I didn’t have first period and I was up early so I decided to make this,” Kibum replies gesturing at his vegetable salad.
“Oh. Good for you,” Jonghyun says as he starts to eat his beef broccoli.
“Not gonna ask stupid questions today?” the freshman asks before he lazily takes a spoonful of salad.
“I don’t asks stupid questions,” the shorter boy replies casually.
“Really,” Kibum scoffs.
Jonghyun looks up briefly and then responds, “Yeah. Really.”
“Just so you know, ninety seven percent of the things you say are dumb.”
“What’s so special about ninety seven?” the junior asks.
“I don’t know,” Kibum shrugs.
“You don’t make sense ninety eight percent of the time.”
“That’s only cos you’re dumb.”
“I look good.”
“You’re still too short.”
“You look like a girl.”
“You like it,” Kibum smirks.
Jonghyun looks up the second time and after studying the freshman’s face for a bit, he responds, “Yeah, I guess I do.”
Kibum snorts but he can’t deny to himself how the statement makes his heart beat twice as fast.
•••
The days that were so beautiful
Even the times we hated each other
I miss them so much, I can’t forget them
Jinki never would’ve guessed that of all times, he’ll be going out the most in his senior year. He feels like it’s been the first time in months that he hasn’t been outside during a weekday. And it’s only because he was able to convince Jonghyun to stay at home for the day because he is too lazy to go outside. He didn’t think that the younger boy will take it as an invitation to invade his apartment, though.
“Why are you here again?”
“Uh, because you’re a lazy ass and doesn’t want to go out?” Jonghyun answers casually as he flops himself on Jinki’s couch.
“Yeah, that’s what you said on the phone. I just thought I didn’t hear it right cos I was barely conscious when I answered your call,” the senior says. He surveys the couch and when he concludes that Jonghyun doesn’t have any intention to share, he sits on the floor.
“When we’re talking on the phone, did I mention I slept at five AM?”
“You did,” Jonghyun shrugs.
“And you’re here,” Jinki confirms.
“Yes,” the junior replies lazily as he flips the channel on Jinki’s TV. When he’s able to go through all the channels, he frowns, “You don’t have cable?”
“Do you?” Jinki asks back.
“Why would I get one? I can barely afford my rent,” Jonghyun asks as if Jinki is stupid and the senior facepalms.
“Jonghyun, as much as I like spending time with you, it’s nine in the morning. I don’t even know why you’re up so early on a Saturday and I told you when you called twenty minutes ago that I slept late writing my thesis. And I know I’m being rude right now but I haven’t slept for more than three hours for days and I just really want to sleep all day today but then you woke me up so early in the morning and now I’m so cranky and you won’t even let me lie on my couch!” Jinki whines and Jonghyun’s confused whether he should feel guilty, annoyed, or amused. Because really, cranky, whiny Jinki is just so fucking cute and now he has another favorite version of the senior besides the smiling and pouting one.
When the older boy’s tired look finally registers to him though, Jonghyun caves in and apologizes, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have come. I’ll go now.” He gathers himself on the couch and gives the elder boy a small smile before walking out, “I’ll see you next week?”
Jinki doesn’t know why but he suddenly feels guilty and perhaps he just doesn’t really want the white haired boy to go so he ends up getting up from the floor and grabbing Jonghyun’s wrist, “Don’t go. I…” Jinki then realizes that he doesn’t really have anything to say and that he still wants to sleep and he feels the atmosphere getting more awkward the longer they stand up saying nothing and Jinki’s panicking and he just wants the ground to swallow him.
Jonghyun looks confusedly at the hand on his wrist and then at the older boy who seems to be trying to read invisible letters from the floor. After some more staring, Jonghyun thinks he finally understands and he removes Jinki’s hand from his wrist making the senior look up and meet his gaze. The younger smiles warmly and Jinki feels like he’s about to have a nervous breakdown soon because just a while ago he is panicking and now he’s not. But his heart is still beating really fast and why, of all times, did Jonghyun have to smile at him like that? He’s used to the other boy’s silly grin, I-look-like-a-puppy-so-you-have-to-forgive-me smile, annoying-but-still-so-fucking-sexy smirk, and childish laugh. But not this.
“I understand, Hyung. I’m not angry or anything. I really shouldn’t have come here. You look disgusting. So yeah, I agree. You have to rest.”
Like so many other times when he’s with Jonghyun, Jinki considers if he should be offended by the younger boy’s statement but like the rest, he just again ends up not caring. Because Jonghyun is Jonghyun. He might say weird and offensive things but the younger boy doesn’t say them to mean harm. He’s just forward like that and maybe a little stupid. But yeah, Jinki thinks Jonghyun is a really nice guy.
“Uhm, okay. I’ll… rest well?”
“Yeah, you do that,” Jonghyun grins and Jinki concludes that he probably likes all versions of Jonghyun’s smile.
“I didn’t say we can’t go out tomorrow,” the brunette mumbles as he again fixes his gaze on the ground.
“Oh, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Jinki nods without looking up and Jonghyun just can’t stop the urge to ruffle the older boy’s hair. So he does that and finally goes out of the apartment, but not after bidding Jinki another goodbye.
•••
“I thought you said you didn’t say we can’t go out today?”
Jinki pouts not meeting the younger boy’s eyes. He did say that yesterday but then it started raining when he just woke up and he didn’t want to step out of the apartment anymore. Actually, if he could, he wouldn’t even leave his bed. But then Jonghyun suddenly texted him when he was just about to flop on his bed again (Jinki has this nagging suspicion that the junior can read minds. Although, on second thought, that’s not very likely since Jonghyun is one of the most clueless (that’s a better word than insensitive, right?) person Jinki knows).
“I didn’t know it’ll rain,” he defends.
Jonghyun just shrugs. As long as he didn’t have to stay bored at his own apartment, “So what do you plan on doing today?”
“Uh… sleep?” At this, Jonghyun looks at him pointedly so Jinki hastily adds, “But I don’t think that’s an option so, whatever you want to do?”
“You don’t have cable and I don’t see any DVDs here… Do you have DVDs?”
“Uh, I have some movies in my hard drive. Wanna see?”
“Nah, you probably have nerdy movies. I don’t like that.”
“Yeah, cos you like sappy ones and I don’t like that either,” Jinki retorts childishly.
Jonghyun glares at the older boy. He doesn’t like it when people questions his taste in movies (he can’t help it if he’s a romantic, okay?) so he just changes the subject, “Whatever. Do you have video games?”
“Yeah. But you probably won’t win against me. I’m such a nerd after all,” Jinki snaps.
“Oh really? Let’s see about that.”
They play video games the entire day, just pausing to eat and drink whatever they find in Jinki’s apartment. Taemin is on a fieldtrip somewhere (Jinki is just switching between seriously-doing-my-thesis mode and trying-my-best-to-stay-conscious mode the entire week so he’s honestly not sure whether Taemin did say he was going on a fieldtrip or the boy just went home for the weekend) since yesterday so they have the place all for themselves. Even with all the display of confidence earlier, Jinki is in reality not much of a gamer but Jonghyun just plain sucks so the senior ends up winning most of the time anyway whether they play car racing, shooter game, virtual sports, or a strategy game.
“I give up. I can’t win against a nerdy person like you,” Jonghyun states as he lies on his back on the floor.
“Yeah, with your skill even a five-year-old can beat you at Mario Kart,” Jinki mocks, grinning widely at the white haired boy. The junior frowns at him but he really does suck at that stupid game so he doesn’t protest.
“You, hungry? Wanna order an early dinner?” the older lad asks as he gathers some of their trash.
“You’re paying, right?”
“I thought you’ll stop making me pay for your food?”
“You beat me at every game we played. The least you could do is feed me,” Jonghyun says, sticking his tongue out.
Jinki sighs dramatically before searching for his phone. When he finds it, he automatically dials the number to his favorite fried chicken stall. He’s paying so Jonghyun doesn’t get to choose what they’ll be having for dinner. Jinki grins at the thought.
“Why are you smiling creepily?”
“No reason,” the brunette replies, trying to keep a straight face.
“I’m having fried chicken for dinner, aren’t I?” the shorter boy asks theatrically and he gets his answer as someone picks up the other line and he hears Jinki order they food.
Jinki is still grinning stupidly after the call ended and by then Jonghyun’s grudge about having to eat fried chicken again has faded entirely, replaced by amusement towards the elder boy. Jinki sits beside him, their backs leaning on the senior’s couch. Jonghyun doesn’t know why but he suddenly feels like the living room just got a bit hotter and he finds it hard to take his eyes away from that smile. From those lips.
He unknowingly leans closer and he probably wouldn’t have noticed it if not for the silly grin disappearing from the older lad’s face, replaced by confusion. And is he blushing? Jonghyun wonders, and that is the final straw. He leans a little closer and when Jinki doesn’t move away, he closes the remaining gap between them and attached his lips to the elder boy’s.
Jinki’s lips are soft. Probably not the softest among those Jonghyun has kissed before (that girl he dated a while back has really soft lips) but Jonghyun’s certain the senior has softer lips than any guy he hooked up with. It feels a little awkward and even if Jonghyun’s highly positive that it is not the senior’s first kiss with a guy, he still wonders if the elder will push him away soon.
They kiss for a while and when they finally part, Jonghyun finds Jinki’s moist lips, coupled with the brunette’s messy hair really attractive and he doesn’t give the senior any more time to catch his breath and attached their lips once again.
•••
Next
Pairing: jongkey, jongyu, onkey
Genre: au, angst, drama
Rating: R
Warnings: Disturbing themes
Word Count: ~18,000
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters.
Summary: Jonghyun just wants to love. Kibum just wants to forget. Jinki just wants to fall asleep.
A/N: This is not exactly like my previous stories (I think?) so I am not sure they'll like it but this is for londonleipzig (cos she inspired me to join SBB even if she didn't know she did xD) and nami19 (cos I love her so <3). Also, for those who are not aware, the lyrics are from 떠나지 못해 (Sleepless Night). I got the English translation here. :)
A sigh weighs me down carefully
And won’t let me sleep
“One, two, three.”
Kibum stopped waving to his mother and started counting.
“Four, five, six.”
Their car started to sway and Kibum couldn’t see his mother’s face anymore as she hurriedly turned her head inside the car, probably to ask her husband what was wrong.
“Seven, eight, nine.”
The car was still swaying and Kibum couldn’t possibly hear his mother’s panicked cries or his father’s nervous tone.
“Ten, eleven, twelve.”
He still heard them though.
“Thirteen, fourteen.”
Kibum wondered if they were removing their seatbelts now and if they would jump out of the car to save their own lives.
“Fifteen, sixteen.”
No one jumped.
“Seventeen.”
I’m sorry.
Kibum watched as the car burst into flames. They wouldn’t survive, he was certain of it. He even put small bottles of gas all over the car just to make sure.
The car was too far away now for him to even see the outline of his parents but Kibum could see everything clearly. He could see the blood stains all over the car seats, the shards of glass in their bodies- their burnt face.
He could hear his mother’s whimpers of pain, his father’s cries of anguish.
“One, two, three.”
“Four, five, six.”
Kibum started to count again as he made his way back to their house. His nose was running and he didn’t like the idea of choking his words out so he just continued counting in his head.
Seven, eight, nine.
Ten, eleven, twelve.
He entered the too familiar room he used to share with his cousin when they were younger. There were a number of bigger rooms now in their house but Jinki still refused to leave that room.
Twelve, thirteen, fourteen.
Fifteen, sixteen.
He continued to walk until he was beside his cousin’s bed.
Seventeen.
Kibum closed his eyes as he lied on the floor. He could feel his cousin’s eyes trained on him and Jinki’s silence confirmed to him that the elder boy knew what he did.
That means Jinki-hyung also knew what they did, right?
More tears streamed down his face and Kibum was positive those weren’t for his parents. He counted again in his head. But this time, it wasn’t the years that he spent with his parents that he counted.
He was seven when Jinki started to live with them. So that makes it ten years, doesn’t it?
Ten years…
Did he hate him the whole time?
It doesn’t matter now though.
“I’m sorry,” he managed to say and they both knew he wasn’t apologizing for what his parents did.
Kibum still had his eyes closed and Jinki took his gaze away from his cousin for the first time that night. He watched the dim light coming from the fake stars attached on his room’s ceiling for a while then closed his eyes as well.
“I’m sorry too.”
It didn’t matter because they both knew that from that night on, Kibum would hate Jinki for the rest of their lives.
So Jinki opened his eyes again and didn’t sleep that night.
He wanted to watch Kibum for the last time.
•••
“Kibum-ah, whatcha doing after class? Wanna hangout with me?” Jonghyun asks the freshman eagerly.
It was a couple of days after the term began when the junior met Kibum in the hallway from his English class that he found out the younger boy enrolled to his university. Jonghyun was so thrilled to say the least. See, he kinda has this teeny-tiny crush on Kibum since the time he first saw the younger lad about half a year ago.
Okay, maybe not that tiny.
The point is, he likes Kibum and Jonghyun thinks that being in the same university is the universe’s way of telling him that they are meant to be together. Or something like that.
“Not really,” answers the younger boy as he continues to absentmindedly play with his food.
That isn’t really the answer the older lad is hoping for (his invitation may seem carefree but in reality Jonghyun thought about it for days). He isn’t the type to give up easily though. So he tries again, “How about on Friday? My friend is having this party and there will be drinks and stuff.”
Kibum looks at him this time and Jonghyun regains hope.
“Not interested,” is the reply he gets and the junior visibly deflates.
“Oh, okay.”
The atmosphere seems tense -at least in Jonghyun’s opinion as Kibum just resumes poking his pasta with fork again- and he’s not very good at handling awkward situations so Jonghyun opts to excuse himself, “Uhm I have a class in a few so, see you around?”
“Yeah. See you, Hyung,” Kibum says with a smile and a slight wave and Jonghyun just knows that won’t be the last time he’ll be trying to ask the younger boy out.
•••
“Jinki-hyung!”
Jinki turns around and instantly frowns when he sees his roommate waving at him zealously, “How many times do I have to tell you not to shout in the library Taeminnie?”
Taemin ignores his remark and instead sits himself on one of the chairs surrounding the table Jinki intends to occupy, “We got dismissed early, wanna go grab lunch together?”
“Is that how you say ‘I blew my allowance again buying snacks, so please buy me lunch Hyung’ now?”
Taemin frowns at the harsh statement. But he really is running low on allowance now and making Jinki pay for his lunch whenever he has a chance is one of his only ways to survive until the end of the month so he doesn’t argue.
Jinki starts with his work while Taemin sits quietly across him. He knows he’ll still end up treating the younger boy but Jinki likes to think that shooting the boy down sometimes, albeit just for show, will probably teach Taemin a lesson and stop spending his allowance so casually.
Of course, the senior’s resolve doesn’t last long and after five minutes of uncomfortable silence (for Jinki), the elder gives up, sighing, “Fine. But this is really the last time I’m buying you lunch this week, okay? I don’t have much money left too.” He glares at the now beaming freshman, mumbling things Taemin doesn’t bother to comprehend. He has already secured lunch for the day after all.
“You’re really the best Hyung!” Taemin lets out as he stands and hugs the older boy from across the table. This earns them curious glances from the other library occupants and Jinki tries to pry the lanky arms away immediately.
“Just shut up there. There’s still an hour before noon,” Jinki says, when the excited teen finally lets him go.
“Yes, Hyung,” Taemin chirps, getting his phone out of his jeans to start playing Candy pang.
Jinki shakes his head disapprovingly at the sight before shifting his attention back to his work. Maybe befriending the kid who frequented the convenience store he used to work at really was a mistake, he thinks painfully. Jinki hasn’t even written a single word yet when feels a gaze on him and he instinctively moves his head to the right and his sight catches something, someone, he doesn’t think he’ll ever see again.
Their eyes met and Jinki retracts his gaze immediately as if burnt by the glare directed at him.
The senior tries to calm himself. He takes deep breaths while trying not to be too noticeable because Taemin making a fuss is the last thing he wants right now. After a while he feels much better although his heart is still beating insanely fast and Jinki tries to continue working on his essay again. He knows there’s no point though. Because from the moment he sees Kibum, his mind is filled with nothing but the boy and their past.
Kibum leaves the library not long after and Jinki gives up wasting time pretending to do his homework. He grabs his things and throw them into his backpack, uttering a strained, “Let’s go,” to Taemin before walking away.
•••
Kibum looks at his reflection on the mirror as he continues to calm himself. A month after the term starts and he is already regretting going back to Seoul and enrolling in his school.
“Fuck,” he curses and proceeds to wash his face with the cool water. It doesn’t help.
It’s fine. Kibum convinces himself. It isn’t like they will always run into each other. The university is huge and it isn’t like they have the same majors nor have common classes. He just have to avoid the main library from now on.
It still doesn’t change the fact that they cross paths today though. He curses again.
•••
“Hyung!”
Jinki turns around, recognizing the voice immediately. “Hey,” he greets back, smiling at the junior in front of him.
“You aren’t with that pretty kid today?”
Jinki is clueless for a moment before realizing that Jonghyun’s referring to his roommate, “Oh, Taemin? He has class right now. You need anything from him?”
“No, not really. Just that I usually see you together,” Jonghyun chuckles lightheartedly.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, so, where ya going to? I’m on break right now. Are you too?”
“Yeah,” Jinki replies, he’s not exactly good at conversing with people he doesn’t talk much with. He and Jonghyun had a common class together the previous year but they didn’t talk at all until they accidentally met at a mall before the term ended and found out they had a common friend who coincidentally has the same name as the junior.
“Great. Wanna go grab a snack?” Jonghyun smiles and even if he isn’t really hungry and is actually planning on finishing up his thesis proposal due the following week, Jinki finds himself agreeing, “Sure.”
Jonghyun grins at him and Jinki smiles in return. He’s admittedly a very awkward person but smiling has always been an easy task for him.
“Jonghyun tells me you sing well. You should go with us at the noraebang next time!” the junior says excitedly.
He’s really energetic, Jinki thinks, “Uhm, yeah, that would be nice?”
Jonghyun chuckles and the elder boy considers if he should be offended.
“You’re really funny hyung.”
Yes, he really should be offended, Jinki concludes. He just feels a little more embarrassed than usual though, “I’m sorry?”
“No, no. I meant it in a good way. Really,” Jonghyun says waving his hands. He grins and puts an arm around the taller boy. Jinki tries not to flinch.
“Uhm, I’m not in town this weekend but I think my weekends after that are all open so I’ll contact the guys then I’ll text you?”
“Okay,” Jinki replies, still trying to comprehend the turn of events while thinking of a subtle way to remove the arms on his shoulders. You see, along with being awkward, Jinki also has skinship issues. And unfortunately for him, the boy beside him seems to be the complete opposite.
“Here, gimme your number,” Jonghyun says, giving the senior his phone.
“Great,” Jonghyun remarks as he puts back his phone in his pocket after Jinki types in his number. They continue walking in silence and Jinki is thankful that Jonghyun is actually capable of shutting up even for a little while. His arm is still on my shoulder though, he laments.
After a comfortable minute of silence -not exactly on the elder boy’s part, but let’s face it, he’s never comfortable when with other people, his roommate included- Jinki is startled when Jonghyun suddenly yells, “Kibum-ah!”
He feels the younger boy’s arm leave his shoulder in favor of waving both his hands eagerly towards the blonde boy at the opposite side of the road. Said lad looks at their direction at the mention of his name and immediately smiles when he sees the excited junior.
Jonghyun is still waving animatedly and Kibum waves his hand a bit in return, still smiling, until he notices the person beside the elder boy. It’s difficult not to notice the abrupt change in the freshman’s expression and Jinki can feel Jonghyun’s gaze on him as he chooses to stare at the ground instead. He hears Kibum shouts an “I have to go, Hyung,” not long after and Jinki tries not to wince the second time that day from the familiar term.
Jinki knows the goodbye isn’t directed to him but he can’t stop himself from looking up and watching Kibum turn around and resume walking at the other side of the street. When he is finally able to make himself stop staring, Jonghyun has long put his hand down from waving goodbye to the freshman and instead is gazing inquiringly at him. He knows Jonghyun wants to know what just happened but he is again grateful that the other turns out to be more tactful than he appears to be.
•••
When I think of you, my day filled with sighs is so long
When I sometimes see the river, the words "I love you" won't float away
Jonghyun isn’t really sure why he’s so interested in Kibum. Not because Kibum is a boy. Jonghyun isn’t really particular with that. He’s been officially bi since high school after all so that’s not an issue for him anymore. It’s just that, Jonghyun usually only takes interest on people that are also interested in him. And Kibum doesn’t exactly fit that category.
He still remembers seeing the younger boy for the first time.
It was a few months back and he was out to the convenience store to buy a couple packets of ramyeon and a bottle of juice. He was running low on allowance as always so eating out for lunch just wasn’t an option. He passed by the playground on his way back and decided to sit on the bench for a bit as he finished his ice drop. He cancelled the juice from his shopping list to instead buy himself the cold treat. The place was empty save for him as it was noon and everyone was probably at home eating their certainly more delightful lunch or being forced to take a nap by their mothers in pretense that it would make them grow taller but in reality they just wanted to gossip with the neighbors. Jonghyun cringed at the thought, thinking how he hated it when he was a kid though he now truly regretted it. Not because he didn’t end up growing that tall (he still didn’t believe that shitty lie) he just lamented wasting all those nap time he should’ve enjoyed when he still had the chance to.
It took him a while to notice that he was, in fact, not alone in the playground. A young boy around his age was sitting on one of the swings at the opposite side of the park and Jonghyun decided to say hi. He was bored and he figured cooking his lonesome lunch could wait. He stopped midway though, when he noticed the other boy was crying. Jonghyun debated to himself if he should go and ask the boy what was wrong but he felt like it wasn’t his position to do so. He watched the boy for a little while more until his stomach grumbled and he decided to stop being a creep and went home.
He met Kibum again weeks later and found out they share a couple of friends. He also learned during their second meeting though that Kibum didn’t live in Seoul and it was such a bummer and he sort of forgot everything about the younger boy until he saw him again at the university and found out that Kibum decided to stay in Seoul for college.
Jonghyun sighs. He wonders if he would’ve liked Kibum even if he didn’t saw him that day. If he didn’t see Kibum’s soft side, would he have felt so protective of the boy? Probably not. But Jonghyun doesn’t think of complex things and all that matters to him is that he likes Kibum now and he decides there’s really no need to know anything besides that.
•••
“You’re eating apple for lunch?”
Kibum is startled for a bit then frowns at the junior, “It’s none of your business.”
Jonghyun raises an eyebrow at the attitude but says nothing as he sits on the bench opposite the younger lad. Kibum shifts his glance from the older boy and resumes putting the slice of apple in his mouth. After chewing, he utters a low, “Sorry. I was late in class and got scolded so.”
Jonghyun hums in reply. It isn’t like he doesn’t know Kibum has an attitude so he dismisses it easily.
“Don’t you have class right now?” Kibum says after a while as Jonghyun types on his phone.
“Driving me away already?” Jonghyun intends it to sound as a joke but it comes out a lot more hurt than he likes to admit.
“I was just asking,” the younger scowls.
None of them speaks for a while until Kibum finally submits and says, “I don’t really feel like attending my afternoon classes anymore.” He pauses and then adds -rather coyly, Jonghyun notes-, “Wanna ditch with me?”
It doesn’t occur to him instantly. But when it does, Jonghyun’s grinning widely and he fools no one when he tries to sound nonchalant as he replies, “I guess? I was planning on skipping Bio anyway.”
Kibum wants to scoff at the other’s obvious lie but a smile is already plastered on his own lips. “You’ll treat me Hyung, right?” he asks as they stand up to leave.
“Uh… It depends?”
It is Kibum’s turn to raise an eyebrow.
“No! Wha- what are you thinking?!” Jonghyun asks incredulously, halting his steps to gape at the boy beside him.
“Exactly what you were implying,” Kibum replies, staring at the other boy disapprovingly. Jonghyun swears he hears him mutter ‘pervert’ which may or may not be intended for his hearing.
Jonghyun gets flustered with the misunderstanding. Alright, he may be a little pervert at times (Who isn’t? He uselessly argues in his mind) but this is certainly not one of those. He’s been asking the other boy out for a while already and he’s not that stupid to imply something corrupt when he finally has his chance.
“I wasn’t implying anything!” Jonghyun lets out, feeling rather upset for being treated unfairly. Just because he looks like a pervert doesn’t mean that he really is one! Okay, that sounds rather pathetic even in his head and Jonghyun just wants to bang his head on the wall.
“Yeah, you were so not,” Kibum scoffs.
“I’m poor okay! And no offense but you seem to like to eat at fancy places and I can’t afford that because my parents are stingy and don’t trust me with a credit card. I mean, why are they so mean? My sister has hers since she was sixteen and it isn’t like I’m going to buy useless stuff. Alright, I did stole once from them when I was fourteen but that’s only because I really wanna have that phone and they said they wouldn’t buy it for me unless I have at least B in all my subjects and that’s just mean cos they know that my English teacher really hates me. Like, really. I swear he glares at me every time and I wasn’t even doing anything! I just slept in his class once and he’s already like that and?” Jonghyun stops his rant when he notices Kibum stifling a laugh and he yells to get the freshman’s attention, “Ya!”
“So you’re not a pervert but you’re poor and has a sharp tongue. And you just admitted that you’re an idiot. Really smooth, Hyung.” Kibum remarks after he is done laughing at Jonghyun’s expense.
“I don’t have a sharp tongue,” the junior replies pitifully.
“You just called me high maintenance,” Kibum points out.
“I didn’t!”
“You so did.”
Kibum thinks the older is about to throw a fit any second so he amends quickly, “But you’re cute so. And I have a sharp tongue too so I guess I can live with that.”
He grabs Jonghyun’s wrist and tugs him as he starts walking again, “Come on, Hyung. Even the poor you can treat me to noraebang right? ”
Kibum smiles sweetly and Jonghyun debates to himself if it isn’t too late to get out of this. “I still hate you, you know?” he says after a while, letting himself be dragged by the younger boy.
Kibum pretends he doesn’t hear him and Jonghyun once again considers his options. He sighs loudly when he finally stops fooling himself that giving up Kibum for his own sanity is ever an option.
Maybe it’s time to look for a part-time job, Jonghyun thinks.
I’m so screwed, he adds as an afterthought.
•••
Jinki’s been standing in front of the building where Jonghyun says they’ll be meeting with their friends-slash-not-really-friends (Jinki actually only knows some of them so he isn’t really sure what’s the right term to use) for almost twenty minutes now and he’s starting to wonder if he got the place wrong. Or the time for that matter since four in the afternoon is too early to go to a noraebang, right? Well, not like he’s an expert on the subject as he’s only been in one for a couple of occasions prior but. In any case, he reads the sign on the building again and then checks his phone to match the name of the place and make sure he didn’t get the meeting time wrong. He does that sometimes so it won’t really surprise him if they are actually supposed to meet the next day and not today.
Jinki is too busy looking at his phone that he doesn’t notice a certain silvery white haired boy coming towards him with speeding steps as the younger student sees the senior already waiting.
“You made it!” Jonghyun lets out with a toothy grin as he pats Jinki’s shoulders startling the taller lad.
“You kept calling me until I said I’ll come so…” the elder mumbles to no one in particular, pocketing his phone.
“They said they’re on their way. Those guys are always late so I guess it’s a good thing I was early this time,” Jonghyun winks proudly.
“It’s 4:20.”
“Yeah, and I told you we’ll meet at four, right?”
Jinki nods and it hits Jonghyun.
“Oh! You thought four means four! I’m sorry. I should’ve told ya. My friends always come like an hour late. Well, we all do so… yeah. I figured you were also just bored at home and went here early like me. Sorry, Hyung,” Jonghyun utters apologetically, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.
“It’s fine. I was really kind of bored anyway and none of the things I wrote during the last hour before I went out really made sense so. Yeah, it’s cool,” Jinki replies with a smile and Jonghyun thinks the senior really looks pretty when he beams.
“Uhm, so wanna grab a snack first while we wait? We probably still have half an hour to spare,” Jonghyun says when he recovers from his brief he’s-so-cute-how-did-I-not-notice-that-before moment.
“Sure. I’m actually kinda hungry. Can we go to that chicken place at the corner? They used to have a branch near the campus but then it closed down last year,” the senior says with a slight pout and Jonghyun possibly would have pointed out that he only wants to grab a snack and not an actual meal if he isn’t too distracted pondering whether Jinki looks cuter smiling or pouting.
•••
The days that were so beautiful
Even the times we hated each other
I miss them so much, I can’t forget them
Kibum is stabbing his lasagna grumpily when Jonghyun takes the seat in front of him, “Were you late again and got scolded or did that pasta do something to you?”
The freshman frowns which Jonghyun just returns with a grin and Kibum suddenly has the urge to stab the elder boy with his fork instead. Figuring that the suspension or whatever he’ll be getting is not worth it, he settles with replying a cranky, “Why are you here again? Do you ever go to class?”
“We have the same break on Wednesdays and Fridays,” the junior replies simply.
“I need to find a hiding place for those days then,” Kibum remarks unamused.
“Don’t bother. I’ll still find you anyway,” Jonghyun smirks and Kibum has to let go of the utensil in his hand in order to prevent himself from throwing it on the cocky student’s face.
“You’re ugly, do you know that?”
“Not true. I just saw myself on the mirror a few minutes ago and I don’t want to sound conceited or anything but this I’m sure is not what you can call ugly,” Jonghyun replies gesturing at his face haughtily.
“Hmm, okay. Too bad for you it’s hard to see that face you’re so proud of when you’re standing in a crowd cos you’re too short,” the freshman retorts triumphantly.
“Ya!”
“Tell me I’m wrong,” Kibum challenges.
“We’re sitting,” Jonghyun pouts.
“Fine. Whatever you say shorty.”
“I hate you.”
“Hmm.”
“Really. You’re the meanest person I know,” the white haired boy states sulkily.
“You still like me though.”
Jonghyun doesn’t have a reply to that.
They sit in silence for a while until Kibum pokes Jonghyun’s hands on the table with his index finger muttering a low, “Hey.”
The elder boy ignores him and Kibum pokes him more until the junior gives up and lets out an annoyed, “What?”
“I’m sorry,” Kibum replies sincerely and the tone makes Jonghyun look up and meet the younger’s gaze.
The freshman smiles a little and Jonghyun tries to remember what he is mad about. He recalls after a few seconds of blatant staring and an involuntary pout spreads on his lips as he childishly (not that Jonghyun will ever admit it) says, “I don’t like it when people calls me short.”
“Yeah, I figured,” Kibum responds. “Though to be honest I’m sorrier for being a bitch in general rather than for calling you short,” he adds as an afterthought.
“I didn’t say you’re a bitch.”
“Hm, you didn’t have to. I know I am.”
“You’re not.”
Kibum looks at him pointedly and Jonghyun retracts his statement, “Fine. You can be difficult at times. But you get guilty after a while like now so… yeah.”
“You just said I’m the meanest person you know.”
“I say that to everyone who says I’m short,” Jonghyun says casually.
“I retract my apology.”
“You can’t do that.”
“I just did,” Kibum counters.
“Meanie.”
“Shorty.”
“You’re insufferable,” Jonghyun groans.
“Big words for someone your size,” the younger boy replies mockingly.
“I hate you.”
“You can’t say that again.”
“But I do hate you,” Jonghyun states as he glares at the snarky boy.
“Okay. Then I take you won’t want to eat lunch with me next Friday. And I am thinking about bringing food for you too.”
“You eat apples on Fridays.”
“Exactly.”
“You can have your apples to yourself.” Jonghyun snorts. And then later adds, “On second thought, why don’t we eat real lunch together outside the uni for a change? I’m kinda getting tired of the food here to be honest.”
“It took you three years to get tired of these pathetic excuse for a food?”
“Sorry if my stomach is not as picky as yours,” Jonghyun replies offhandedly.
“As long as you’ll pay,” Kibum shrugs.
“You’re such a gold digger, you know that?”
“Nah, I prefer to just call myself attractive,” Kibum smiles brightly and Jonghyun concludes that he really does need to get that part-time job soon.
•••
It’s been almost a month after that incident with Jinki and Kibum and Jonghyun has spent time with both boys a few times since then but it still bothers him. He never mentioned it to both of them since contrary to the majority’s opinion, Jonghyun is not insensitive.
Kibum acts as if nothing happened after that, if their sort of date a week after the incident is something to go by. Jinki, on the other hand, seems to be more tensed than usual to the extent that during the first couple of times they met after the incident Jinki seemed like he was going to jump to the nearest hole every time Jonghyun spoke.
The junior sighs. He doesn’t want to make a big deal out of it since perhaps Kibum wasn’t really glaring at Jinki that time and everyone knows Jinki’s always awkward so perhaps he really is just overthinking it. It is then that his eyes catches Jaejin and Jonghyun runs towards the sophomore’s direction as if his life depended on it.
Jaejin looks at him confusedly while he pants heavily in front of the younger boy when he finally manages to catch up with him. “Hey,” Jonghyun says, as he attempts to steady his breathing.
“Hyung,” the younger greets back unsurely.
“Uhm, you know Kibum and Jinki-hyung right?” Jonghyun asks finally, making the other lad throw another puzzled look in his direction.
“Yeah. We all went to the same high school together,” Jaejin reponds. He waits for the older boy to ask further questions but Jonghyun just gapes at him so he continues, “I really don’t know much about Jinki-hyung since he’s two grades our senior but Kibum and I were on the same class. He quit briefly after senior year started and went to Daegu to live with his grandmother when his parents died. I think Jinki-hyung stayed though.”
“What do you mean Jinki-hyung stayed?” Jonghyun’s the one confused now.
“Oh, you didn’t know? Kibum and Jinki-hyung are cousins.”
Jonghyun is too stunned to react and Jaejin takes it as the junior telling him to continue, “Kibum is pissed every time we mentioned Jinki-hyung after that so we still don’t know what happened between them. Kibum’s probably angry that Jinki-hyung didn’t come with him to Daegu after the incident. I’m not really sure, though.”
Jonghyun doesn’t know how to process the new information presented to him. Not that Kibum and Jinki being cousins is unthinkable. He just didn’t consider it.
“Is something wrong, Hyung?” Jaejin asks worriedly when Jonghyun still doesn’t speak after a while, the guy is usually such a chatterbox.
“Uhm, no. Not really. Just that, Jinki-hyung and I were walking the other day and when Kibum sees him he kinda glares at him, and yeah,” Jonghyun explains.
“They are still on bad terms, I guess?”
“Yeah… probably.”
“Uhm, I gotta run Hyung. I have a class in, well, right now.”
“Oh, yeah. Sorry,” says Jonghyun.
“No worries. Not that I enjoy listening to that old fag talk about history anyway,” Jaejin replies, winking.
Jonghyun finally chuckles, “Go now, lazy ass.”
“Like you aren’t one yourself,” Jaejin scoffs and playfully shoves the older boy.
Jonghyun does the same, though a bit harder, and runs away before the younger boy can retaliate.
•••
“This sucks,” Kibum whines as he puts his head on top of the table.
“What is?” Woohyun asks after taking a sip of his caramel latte.
“Everything,” Kibum mumbles on the wooden table.
Woohyun hums sympathetically. Freshman year can really drive students crazy. And Kibum having his friends a year above him probably makes everything more annoying for the other boy because he doesn’t have someone to complain with. “Want me to help you with anything?” he offers.
The blonde raises his head at this, “And what can you help me with? We don’t even have the same major.”
“You’re a freshman. Most of your subjects are minors,” the raven points out.
“Hmp. You’re still a lot dumber than me,” Kibum snorts.
“I offer help and you mock me. Really,” Woohyun utters disbelievingly.
“Not my fault you’re stupid,” the freshman shrugs.
Woohyun sighs. If Kibum’s talking to someone else the boy probably got punched by now but he’s known the blonde since first grade and he’s used to his moods and hurtful tongue by now so he just counts to ten in his head and when that doesn’t work, he tries to recall that time in fourth grade when Kibum shamed him in front of the girl he liked and he punched the boy and got punched in return. And well, let’s just say it’s the day he realized that Kibum may act like a girl but he does punch like a man (never mind that they were still kids back then).
“Fine. Am not offering you anything anymore. Happy now?” Woohyun says finally.
“Not even a crappy massage, a slice of cake, or anything?” Kibum asks in disbelief. And when the raven is too shocked to reply he adds dryly, “What a friend you are.”
Woohyun wonders for the twelfth time that day how he still manages to be friends with the boy in front of him. He’s about to point out to Kibum that he paid for the frappe the boy’s currently sipping but something catches his attention, “Isn’t that Jinki-hyung?”
Kibum doesn’t look at the direction Woohyun is staring at and instead glares at the other boy. All his friends know he hates Jinki so he doesn’t really get why the raven thinks it’s a good idea to tell him his cousin is in the same place when he’s already in a bad mood.
“You’re not going to say hi?” the dark haired boy asks ignoring the dirty look Kibum is giving him. He knows his friend is not in good terms with his cousin but he thinks Kibum should stop bitching by now and forgive Jinki for not going with him in Daegu. It’s been two years already after all.
Kibum doesn’t reply and instead gathers his things while Woohyun watches reproachfully. When the blonde finishes, he throws the other lad a look and huffs, “You’re not going?”
Woohyun shakes his head disapprovingly as he stands up but follows anyway. Jinki doesn’t see them but Kibum gets a glimpse of his cousin’s back as they make their way to the exit and he tries hard not to look back when his sight catches another familiar figure with unmistakably white hair standing beside the older boy.
•••
Kibum tries to continue writing his pathetic philosophy essay but finally gives up after wasting forty minutes just staring at his laptop screen.
“Aish, why did I even get that stupid, pathetic subject? I should’ve taken logic instead,” he whines uselessly as he closes his laptop and rests his read on top of it not bothering to shut the thing down. He’ll have to continue writing after a while anyway since he hasn’t even finished a page while the minimum is five and the paper is due the next day.
Why is he with that guy? Are they that close? They don’t have the same major, do they?
He tosses a pen -the first thing he sees and deems alright to lose- in frustration as endless questions pops into his head and irritates the hell out of him even more than the dumb paper he’s been trying to write all night.
I don’t care if they’re that close. It’s not like I’m going out with Jonghyun-hyung anyway.
Not yet, at least.
“Fuck it,” he curses as he stands up and makes his way to the couch. He’ll just sleep. It’s not like he can finish the paper anyway. He’ll just skip that class tomorrow and submit it the next meeting. It won’t make much difference on the grade he’ll be getting anyhow, with all the nonsense he’s been writing.
•••
I hate myself for trying to erase you without regrets
I really hate my heart that's holding onto you again
“I’m so hammered right now.” Jonghyun announces, like there’s a need to, as he flops himself on Jinki’s couch.
The older lad just chuckles and he goes to the kitchen to make coffee for the two of them. When Jinki comes back, the other boy is still babbling.
“Why aren’t you drunk, Hyung? You had more drinks than me!” Jonghyun lets out, as if it is the senior’s fault that he is more sober than him.
“I am drunk. But clearly not as drunk a you are,” Jinki answers patiently.
Jonghyun hisses as he gets his mug from the older boy. “This is good,” he comments after taking a sip.
Jinki just hums in reply. A drunk guy complimenting his coffee making skill doesn’t mean much after all.
“Hyung,” Jonghyun calls out after a while and Jinki looks up from his coffee.
“Hyung, you know, I asked Jaejin about you and Kibum. I’m sorry I did but I was really curious.”
Jinki feels his body gets rigid with the mention of his cousin’s name but the drunk boy doesn’t notice and continues with his monologue, “I mean, I like you both a lot and it just sucks that we can’t all hang out together.”
“I’m sorry,” Jinki finally replies after a long pause and it seems to sober up Jonghyun.
“No, no. I’m sorry I said anything!” the younger panics as he puts down his mug and gestures with his hand.
Jinki smiles forlornly and Jonghyun never felt like a douche as much as he does at that moment.
“Uhm, I’ll get a blanket and some pillows. You can take that couch.”
“Yeah… thanks,” Jonghyun replies guiltily regretting saying anything at all when he’s so drunk. He should’ve known better than drinking like there’s no tomorrow when his alcohol tolerance is so low. And really, why was he born as such a blabber?
Jinki comes back later with the stuff he promised and they exchanged good nights rather stiffly. The elder boy then goes back to his room, silently wishing the same thing as Jonghyun.
•••
Jonghyun’s waiting for Jinki at a fast food joint they decided to meet that Sunday. He’s been hanging out with the older boy almost every weekend since that time they first went out with some of their friends. He’s not exactly sure why, but he really likes spending time with the older boy. Perhaps because Jinki is different from all of his friends. How he’s still awkward with Jonghyun when they have been going around town during weekends for a couple of months now. How he gets really excited about the littlest things. How he has that goofy smile on his face when he thinks about something funny -at least in Jinki’s standard since Jonghyun never really gets the senior’s jokes or anything that amuses the other lad. The fact that he (and everyone else, really) never understands them while Jinki thinks they are hilarious, amuses him though- and how the boy sulks really cutely.
Jonghyun really enjoys Jinki’s company and he’s very relieved that nothing changed between them after that night when he got drunk and blabbed. Well, the night itself and the morning after was awkward and he was so scared to contact the senior at first and ended up not doing so for over a week until he finally got the courage and texted the older boy to get coffee during their only common break. Jinki agreed and they were fine after that. And because of that, they now regularly spend their Tuesday afternoon break together to get either coffee or milk tea. Well, Jinki has admittedly a bigger appetite than him so more often than not they pass by the doughnut shop nearby or the burger joint first so Jinki can also have his snack.
When Jinki finally arrives, Jonghyun guilt trips him for being late until the older boy offers to pay for both their orders.
“Sorry, I showered early and was reading to pass time but then I fell asleep so… yeah,” Jinki says as they sit on their booth after getting their food.
“It’s okay. I didn’t really mind. I just wanted you to pay for our food that’s why I complained,” Jonghyun replies, grinning toothily at the older boy.
“Why am I surrounded by people who only wants me around to buy them food?” the senior sulks, pouting.
“Eh? Who else guilt trips you to buy food?”
Jinki makes a face before answering, “My roommate. He’s a reckless spender so halfway through the month he’s already broke so he hunts me every lunchtime so we can eat together. Well, more like me eating and him not buying anything so I won’t have a choice but to buy him something because it’s just so weird eating while someone almost drools in front of you and the boy’s really skinny and even though I know in reality he really eats a lot I still get guilty and?”
“Yeah, Hyung. I got your point,” Jonghyun cuts the elder’s rant, gesturing stop with his hand. After giving Jinki’s question a thought, he comments, “It’s not true though. I don’t hang out with you just so I can get free food.”
“I wonder about that,” Jinki says and after a brief pause -which he uses to meet Jonghyun’s gaze for further effect- he adds, “Last Tuesday, you made me pay for your milk tea because you failed your Bio quiz. The week before that, you asked me to buy you cheesecake cos you stayed up late the night before writing your English paper. Yesterday, you made me pay for our popcorn and drinks when we went to the cinema cos you said I picked the movie we were going to watch. But I only chose because you asked me to.”
“That’s-” Jonghyun starts defensively but then stops and says in a resigned tone, “Fine. Sorry, I didn’t notice I was making you pay for me so much.” When Jinki gives him an apprehensive look, Jonghyun seriously adds, “Honest.”
“Uhm, how about I pay you back for all these? I’ll pay for us both. And I’ll also buy the tokens for the arcade later. You don’t have to pay for anything today,” Jonghyun says and if only Jinki isn’t concerned that it’ll offend the shorter boy, he would’ve already laughed out loud because he finds Jonghyun’s reaction to his little sulking thoroughly amusing.
Jonghyun doesn’t seem to notice the older boy’s amusement and continues earnestly, “And I promise from now on I won’t make you buy me anything whatever exam I fail, paper I write, or movie you choose.” He pauses and then finishes with a grin, “Next time you come late though, I’ll make you pay.”
Fair enough, Jinki thinks and he grins back widely, “Deal.”
“Deal,” Jonghyun parrots and Jinki tries his best not to appear too giggly as he takes a huge bite on his burger.
•••
“Not eating apples today?” Jonghyun asks as he puts his tray on the table and sits across Kibum.
“I didn’t have first period and I was up early so I decided to make this,” Kibum replies gesturing at his vegetable salad.
“Oh. Good for you,” Jonghyun says as he starts to eat his beef broccoli.
“Not gonna ask stupid questions today?” the freshman asks before he lazily takes a spoonful of salad.
“I don’t asks stupid questions,” the shorter boy replies casually.
“Really,” Kibum scoffs.
Jonghyun looks up briefly and then responds, “Yeah. Really.”
“Just so you know, ninety seven percent of the things you say are dumb.”
“What’s so special about ninety seven?” the junior asks.
“I don’t know,” Kibum shrugs.
“You don’t make sense ninety eight percent of the time.”
“That’s only cos you’re dumb.”
“I look good.”
“You’re still too short.”
“You look like a girl.”
“You like it,” Kibum smirks.
Jonghyun looks up the second time and after studying the freshman’s face for a bit, he responds, “Yeah, I guess I do.”
Kibum snorts but he can’t deny to himself how the statement makes his heart beat twice as fast.
•••
The days that were so beautiful
Even the times we hated each other
I miss them so much, I can’t forget them
Jinki never would’ve guessed that of all times, he’ll be going out the most in his senior year. He feels like it’s been the first time in months that he hasn’t been outside during a weekday. And it’s only because he was able to convince Jonghyun to stay at home for the day because he is too lazy to go outside. He didn’t think that the younger boy will take it as an invitation to invade his apartment, though.
“Why are you here again?”
“Uh, because you’re a lazy ass and doesn’t want to go out?” Jonghyun answers casually as he flops himself on Jinki’s couch.
“Yeah, that’s what you said on the phone. I just thought I didn’t hear it right cos I was barely conscious when I answered your call,” the senior says. He surveys the couch and when he concludes that Jonghyun doesn’t have any intention to share, he sits on the floor.
“When we’re talking on the phone, did I mention I slept at five AM?”
“You did,” Jonghyun shrugs.
“And you’re here,” Jinki confirms.
“Yes,” the junior replies lazily as he flips the channel on Jinki’s TV. When he’s able to go through all the channels, he frowns, “You don’t have cable?”
“Do you?” Jinki asks back.
“Why would I get one? I can barely afford my rent,” Jonghyun asks as if Jinki is stupid and the senior facepalms.
“Jonghyun, as much as I like spending time with you, it’s nine in the morning. I don’t even know why you’re up so early on a Saturday and I told you when you called twenty minutes ago that I slept late writing my thesis. And I know I’m being rude right now but I haven’t slept for more than three hours for days and I just really want to sleep all day today but then you woke me up so early in the morning and now I’m so cranky and you won’t even let me lie on my couch!” Jinki whines and Jonghyun’s confused whether he should feel guilty, annoyed, or amused. Because really, cranky, whiny Jinki is just so fucking cute and now he has another favorite version of the senior besides the smiling and pouting one.
When the older boy’s tired look finally registers to him though, Jonghyun caves in and apologizes, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have come. I’ll go now.” He gathers himself on the couch and gives the elder boy a small smile before walking out, “I’ll see you next week?”
Jinki doesn’t know why but he suddenly feels guilty and perhaps he just doesn’t really want the white haired boy to go so he ends up getting up from the floor and grabbing Jonghyun’s wrist, “Don’t go. I…” Jinki then realizes that he doesn’t really have anything to say and that he still wants to sleep and he feels the atmosphere getting more awkward the longer they stand up saying nothing and Jinki’s panicking and he just wants the ground to swallow him.
Jonghyun looks confusedly at the hand on his wrist and then at the older boy who seems to be trying to read invisible letters from the floor. After some more staring, Jonghyun thinks he finally understands and he removes Jinki’s hand from his wrist making the senior look up and meet his gaze. The younger smiles warmly and Jinki feels like he’s about to have a nervous breakdown soon because just a while ago he is panicking and now he’s not. But his heart is still beating really fast and why, of all times, did Jonghyun have to smile at him like that? He’s used to the other boy’s silly grin, I-look-like-a-puppy-so-you-have-to-forgive-me smile, annoying-but-still-so-fucking-sexy smirk, and childish laugh. But not this.
“I understand, Hyung. I’m not angry or anything. I really shouldn’t have come here. You look disgusting. So yeah, I agree. You have to rest.”
Like so many other times when he’s with Jonghyun, Jinki considers if he should be offended by the younger boy’s statement but like the rest, he just again ends up not caring. Because Jonghyun is Jonghyun. He might say weird and offensive things but the younger boy doesn’t say them to mean harm. He’s just forward like that and maybe a little stupid. But yeah, Jinki thinks Jonghyun is a really nice guy.
“Uhm, okay. I’ll… rest well?”
“Yeah, you do that,” Jonghyun grins and Jinki concludes that he probably likes all versions of Jonghyun’s smile.
“I didn’t say we can’t go out tomorrow,” the brunette mumbles as he again fixes his gaze on the ground.
“Oh, sure. I’ll see you tomorrow then?” Jinki nods without looking up and Jonghyun just can’t stop the urge to ruffle the older boy’s hair. So he does that and finally goes out of the apartment, but not after bidding Jinki another goodbye.
•••
“I thought you said you didn’t say we can’t go out today?”
Jinki pouts not meeting the younger boy’s eyes. He did say that yesterday but then it started raining when he just woke up and he didn’t want to step out of the apartment anymore. Actually, if he could, he wouldn’t even leave his bed. But then Jonghyun suddenly texted him when he was just about to flop on his bed again (Jinki has this nagging suspicion that the junior can read minds. Although, on second thought, that’s not very likely since Jonghyun is one of the most clueless (that’s a better word than insensitive, right?) person Jinki knows).
“I didn’t know it’ll rain,” he defends.
Jonghyun just shrugs. As long as he didn’t have to stay bored at his own apartment, “So what do you plan on doing today?”
“Uh… sleep?” At this, Jonghyun looks at him pointedly so Jinki hastily adds, “But I don’t think that’s an option so, whatever you want to do?”
“You don’t have cable and I don’t see any DVDs here… Do you have DVDs?”
“Uh, I have some movies in my hard drive. Wanna see?”
“Nah, you probably have nerdy movies. I don’t like that.”
“Yeah, cos you like sappy ones and I don’t like that either,” Jinki retorts childishly.
Jonghyun glares at the older boy. He doesn’t like it when people questions his taste in movies (he can’t help it if he’s a romantic, okay?) so he just changes the subject, “Whatever. Do you have video games?”
“Yeah. But you probably won’t win against me. I’m such a nerd after all,” Jinki snaps.
“Oh really? Let’s see about that.”
They play video games the entire day, just pausing to eat and drink whatever they find in Jinki’s apartment. Taemin is on a fieldtrip somewhere (Jinki is just switching between seriously-doing-my-thesis mode and trying-my-best-to-stay-conscious mode the entire week so he’s honestly not sure whether Taemin did say he was going on a fieldtrip or the boy just went home for the weekend) since yesterday so they have the place all for themselves. Even with all the display of confidence earlier, Jinki is in reality not much of a gamer but Jonghyun just plain sucks so the senior ends up winning most of the time anyway whether they play car racing, shooter game, virtual sports, or a strategy game.
“I give up. I can’t win against a nerdy person like you,” Jonghyun states as he lies on his back on the floor.
“Yeah, with your skill even a five-year-old can beat you at Mario Kart,” Jinki mocks, grinning widely at the white haired boy. The junior frowns at him but he really does suck at that stupid game so he doesn’t protest.
“You, hungry? Wanna order an early dinner?” the older lad asks as he gathers some of their trash.
“You’re paying, right?”
“I thought you’ll stop making me pay for your food?”
“You beat me at every game we played. The least you could do is feed me,” Jonghyun says, sticking his tongue out.
Jinki sighs dramatically before searching for his phone. When he finds it, he automatically dials the number to his favorite fried chicken stall. He’s paying so Jonghyun doesn’t get to choose what they’ll be having for dinner. Jinki grins at the thought.
“Why are you smiling creepily?”
“No reason,” the brunette replies, trying to keep a straight face.
“I’m having fried chicken for dinner, aren’t I?” the shorter boy asks theatrically and he gets his answer as someone picks up the other line and he hears Jinki order they food.
Jinki is still grinning stupidly after the call ended and by then Jonghyun’s grudge about having to eat fried chicken again has faded entirely, replaced by amusement towards the elder boy. Jinki sits beside him, their backs leaning on the senior’s couch. Jonghyun doesn’t know why but he suddenly feels like the living room just got a bit hotter and he finds it hard to take his eyes away from that smile. From those lips.
He unknowingly leans closer and he probably wouldn’t have noticed it if not for the silly grin disappearing from the older lad’s face, replaced by confusion. And is he blushing? Jonghyun wonders, and that is the final straw. He leans a little closer and when Jinki doesn’t move away, he closes the remaining gap between them and attached his lips to the elder boy’s.
Jinki’s lips are soft. Probably not the softest among those Jonghyun has kissed before (that girl he dated a while back has really soft lips) but Jonghyun’s certain the senior has softer lips than any guy he hooked up with. It feels a little awkward and even if Jonghyun’s highly positive that it is not the senior’s first kiss with a guy, he still wonders if the elder will push him away soon.
They kiss for a while and when they finally part, Jonghyun finds Jinki’s moist lips, coupled with the brunette’s messy hair really attractive and he doesn’t give the senior any more time to catch his breath and attached their lips once again.
•••
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