[Tomapi Fic] Crush
Disclaimer: (Too lazy to cook up alternative disclaimers, so here it is again.) This writing is fictional and has no commercial purpose. Characters are real persons belonging to themselves.
Pairing: Tomapi
Genre: Romance, brief angst
Rating: G
Credits: Also posted on Hanbun.
---
Crush
>> Yamashita
While it was true that people around him tended to grant his wishes, sometimes without him asking, Yamapi found that -- for better for worse -- they were not all that accomodating when it came to things that mattered. They could be lenient about the games and dares played on him, but not the mistakes in his dance steps. They had their own priorities and they would say no to a request if it actually troubled them.
That was fine with Yamapi, who could be as determined as he was charming, who knew how to work hard for what he wanted. Even then, some decisions were not up to him, and just like everyone else Yamapi worried over the dreams he valued most, despaired over efforts going down the drain.
As it was, one of those dreams revolved around the one person who indulged him the most yet at the same time was strictest to him, and for the first time in a long long while Yamapi found himself in the frustrating situation where he would do anything it took but nothing could be done.
And the despair showed. Several times he had caught awkward glances from the filming crew, and it must be another act of leniency that they had refrained from pointing out to him how obvious he was being and how embarrassing it was even to just watch.
Being sixteen, he couldn't exactly help it. Brief stares, absent-minded touches, convenient bumps... whenever he could sneak them, wherever he could get close enough. Given Toma's tendency to attract a lot of people into his surroundings at normal times, the opportunity mostly appeared during performances, which would have been disastrous had the two of them been of opposite genders. He was probably lucky that such things, even if seen, were 'acceptable' in their line, though he didn't think anyone would honestly misinterpret them as fan service -- not when his shyness was clearly genuine like that.
Toma for one should be able to tell, and Yamapi still hadn't decided if that was desirable, torn between embarrassment and fervent hope constantly see-sawing in his mind; frantic at the gentle escapes Toma made on occasion in apparent consideration of the audience, while suspicious at the friendly lean Toma responded with at other times, whether it was to cover up the scandalous gestures or to silently indicate that they'd be better off staying friends.
He wondered if Toma pretended not to notice because he didn't reciprocate the intention, hoping to neutralize the atmosphere without outright rejection, just like Yamapi hadn't said anything for fear of making it awkward between them.
On the other hand, it might just be that Toma really didn't think that far, being used to getting all physical with his friends; used to Yamapi's occasional clingy mood, presumably blamable on all those gushing adults; used to the concept of male bonding that really pushed the limits around here...
He sighed inwardly. Who was he kidding? Of course Toma knew.
>> Ikuta
Of course, Toma knew. One had to be very dense not to read the meaning in the way Yamapi acted around him, intentional or not, and Toma had had crushes of his own before.
One of them had even been on Yamapi himself, soon after they first met, but that had quickly transformed into a more ambient kind of fondness, as he grew to care beyond the instinctive adoration Yamapi tended to evoke without even trying.
It was that relationship that he was afraid to destroy by acknowledging the change in the way they saw each other. Crushes were fleeting, as he'd known from experience, and he'd heard enough about supposedly weird phases in a teenager's life to expect that they would pass in a few months' time. They'd talked about staying close friends and hanging out together until they were oyaji-s -- he really wanted that to happen, and *this* hadn't been in that plan, no?
He thought maybe Yamapi had too few close friends, so he tried to get Yamapi to mix with the other boys himself was close with. That worked all right, but it did nothing to change the way Yamapi looked at him.
He tried to watch his own actions, not to show any preferential treatment towards Yamapi; but ironically that only made him see how different his attitude towards Yamapi had indeed been, how he had *wanted* to do all those, how he couldn't stop doing them.
And though it was rather mean, he thought it was lucky that Yamapi was by nature shy. That way the chance was slim that Yamapi would suddenly confess to him, though those absent-minded stares had grown quite intensive lately, which made his heart thump with anticipation if those words were going to jump out anytime. He never liked to turn down people, and everyone would be able to sympathize with him how hard it was when it came to Yamapi.
Moreover, the more he thought about it, the more he doubted if he even wanted to turn this one down.
...As they said, silly hormones.
So he let the days pass without anything ever been settled, pretending nothing was unusual. He continued to notice those telltale signs, discreetly and happily flustered over those puppy-dog eyes, taking care only not to let it show too much to the public eye.
Vague as the relationship might be, they stayed together, and that should be enough.
>> Tomohisa
By now, they had learned the hard way that nothing should ever be taken for granted. Even more so in this idol business, where they existed to entertain and to please, sometimes by sacrificing what they wanted to do for themselves.
From daily practices and weekly performances, their time together had been reduced to occasional outings like this -- a long lunch in a family cafe. Over the years he felt like he saw Toma more often on television than he did in real life. It did give him a new perspective, watching Toma growing graciously into a fellow idol -- the physical transformation from the cute boy in the mind of his infatuated past self to the gorgeous young man he could quite objectively vouch for, the personality that had attracted him shining in a different light now that he had the space to observe.
His crush had been cut off abruptly, surfacing in bits of heartbreaking what-ifs every now and then, but it cooled off eventually. He could indeed look back and laugh at his clumsy display of affection in those green years, every moment of it now a precious recollection.
And yet something remained, the gentle feeling of familiarity everytime Toma's face flashed on the TV screen, the way his heart lifted at the mere display of Toma's name on the incoming mail, the fact that Toma was still the first to pop into his mind when he had nothing to do.
It wasn't in the same way, but they stayed together somehow, and it was through those that he saw how they'd never stopped being true companions throughout the many faces of their emotional attachment, each transformation layering thicker on what they already had, until he was sure not even a fumbling one-sided love confession could break it now.
He too had come a long way from that lovesick teenager years past, and such a trivial action no longer scared him, safe in the knowledge of each other's feelings, knowing for sure that there was no way he would be turned down.
Calmly, Yamapi put down his drink, smiled, and waited patiently as Toma returned the smile and asked what it was about.
All was quiet in the space of the second after Toma's voice died out, and his heartbeat was peaceful as it ever was.
"Let's be together until we die."
>> Toma
It felt a little weird hearing the exact same line from the very person he'd written it to, in person, and out of the blue. That one message had been an impulsive expression of his emotions at the moment, and they were both already used to such exchanges. But this was a proposition proper if he ever heard one, even with Yamapi's totally unfazed expression and his own lack of thumping nervousness.
He thought of all they had been for each other: childhood friend, closest friend, crush, ex-crush, partner, brother, always the first person to come to mind, always someone to fall back on anytime... and he thought, if ever Yamapi wanted to redefine this relationship in whatever way, it would be fine, because their bond had moved past those definitions.
He gazed idly at Yamapi's face as he considered the answer, not so much because it needed consideration as to let Yamapi know through the pause that he'd understood the deeper implication of his words.
And with that, he knew that his reply too would be read the right way, normal as it would sound, the only way that that question could have been answered.
"From now on too... yoroshiku na."
---
Pairing: Tomapi
Genre: Romance, brief angst
Rating: G
Credits: Also posted on Hanbun.
---
Crush
>> Yamashita
While it was true that people around him tended to grant his wishes, sometimes without him asking, Yamapi found that -- for better for worse -- they were not all that accomodating when it came to things that mattered. They could be lenient about the games and dares played on him, but not the mistakes in his dance steps. They had their own priorities and they would say no to a request if it actually troubled them.
That was fine with Yamapi, who could be as determined as he was charming, who knew how to work hard for what he wanted. Even then, some decisions were not up to him, and just like everyone else Yamapi worried over the dreams he valued most, despaired over efforts going down the drain.
As it was, one of those dreams revolved around the one person who indulged him the most yet at the same time was strictest to him, and for the first time in a long long while Yamapi found himself in the frustrating situation where he would do anything it took but nothing could be done.
And the despair showed. Several times he had caught awkward glances from the filming crew, and it must be another act of leniency that they had refrained from pointing out to him how obvious he was being and how embarrassing it was even to just watch.
Being sixteen, he couldn't exactly help it. Brief stares, absent-minded touches, convenient bumps... whenever he could sneak them, wherever he could get close enough. Given Toma's tendency to attract a lot of people into his surroundings at normal times, the opportunity mostly appeared during performances, which would have been disastrous had the two of them been of opposite genders. He was probably lucky that such things, even if seen, were 'acceptable' in their line, though he didn't think anyone would honestly misinterpret them as fan service -- not when his shyness was clearly genuine like that.
Toma for one should be able to tell, and Yamapi still hadn't decided if that was desirable, torn between embarrassment and fervent hope constantly see-sawing in his mind; frantic at the gentle escapes Toma made on occasion in apparent consideration of the audience, while suspicious at the friendly lean Toma responded with at other times, whether it was to cover up the scandalous gestures or to silently indicate that they'd be better off staying friends.
He wondered if Toma pretended not to notice because he didn't reciprocate the intention, hoping to neutralize the atmosphere without outright rejection, just like Yamapi hadn't said anything for fear of making it awkward between them.
On the other hand, it might just be that Toma really didn't think that far, being used to getting all physical with his friends; used to Yamapi's occasional clingy mood, presumably blamable on all those gushing adults; used to the concept of male bonding that really pushed the limits around here...
He sighed inwardly. Who was he kidding? Of course Toma knew.
>> Ikuta
Of course, Toma knew. One had to be very dense not to read the meaning in the way Yamapi acted around him, intentional or not, and Toma had had crushes of his own before.
One of them had even been on Yamapi himself, soon after they first met, but that had quickly transformed into a more ambient kind of fondness, as he grew to care beyond the instinctive adoration Yamapi tended to evoke without even trying.
It was that relationship that he was afraid to destroy by acknowledging the change in the way they saw each other. Crushes were fleeting, as he'd known from experience, and he'd heard enough about supposedly weird phases in a teenager's life to expect that they would pass in a few months' time. They'd talked about staying close friends and hanging out together until they were oyaji-s -- he really wanted that to happen, and *this* hadn't been in that plan, no?
He thought maybe Yamapi had too few close friends, so he tried to get Yamapi to mix with the other boys himself was close with. That worked all right, but it did nothing to change the way Yamapi looked at him.
He tried to watch his own actions, not to show any preferential treatment towards Yamapi; but ironically that only made him see how different his attitude towards Yamapi had indeed been, how he had *wanted* to do all those, how he couldn't stop doing them.
And though it was rather mean, he thought it was lucky that Yamapi was by nature shy. That way the chance was slim that Yamapi would suddenly confess to him, though those absent-minded stares had grown quite intensive lately, which made his heart thump with anticipation if those words were going to jump out anytime. He never liked to turn down people, and everyone would be able to sympathize with him how hard it was when it came to Yamapi.
Moreover, the more he thought about it, the more he doubted if he even wanted to turn this one down.
...As they said, silly hormones.
So he let the days pass without anything ever been settled, pretending nothing was unusual. He continued to notice those telltale signs, discreetly and happily flustered over those puppy-dog eyes, taking care only not to let it show too much to the public eye.
Vague as the relationship might be, they stayed together, and that should be enough.
>> Tomohisa
By now, they had learned the hard way that nothing should ever be taken for granted. Even more so in this idol business, where they existed to entertain and to please, sometimes by sacrificing what they wanted to do for themselves.
From daily practices and weekly performances, their time together had been reduced to occasional outings like this -- a long lunch in a family cafe. Over the years he felt like he saw Toma more often on television than he did in real life. It did give him a new perspective, watching Toma growing graciously into a fellow idol -- the physical transformation from the cute boy in the mind of his infatuated past self to the gorgeous young man he could quite objectively vouch for, the personality that had attracted him shining in a different light now that he had the space to observe.
His crush had been cut off abruptly, surfacing in bits of heartbreaking what-ifs every now and then, but it cooled off eventually. He could indeed look back and laugh at his clumsy display of affection in those green years, every moment of it now a precious recollection.
And yet something remained, the gentle feeling of familiarity everytime Toma's face flashed on the TV screen, the way his heart lifted at the mere display of Toma's name on the incoming mail, the fact that Toma was still the first to pop into his mind when he had nothing to do.
It wasn't in the same way, but they stayed together somehow, and it was through those that he saw how they'd never stopped being true companions throughout the many faces of their emotional attachment, each transformation layering thicker on what they already had, until he was sure not even a fumbling one-sided love confession could break it now.
He too had come a long way from that lovesick teenager years past, and such a trivial action no longer scared him, safe in the knowledge of each other's feelings, knowing for sure that there was no way he would be turned down.
Calmly, Yamapi put down his drink, smiled, and waited patiently as Toma returned the smile and asked what it was about.
All was quiet in the space of the second after Toma's voice died out, and his heartbeat was peaceful as it ever was.
"Let's be together until we die."
>> Toma
It felt a little weird hearing the exact same line from the very person he'd written it to, in person, and out of the blue. That one message had been an impulsive expression of his emotions at the moment, and they were both already used to such exchanges. But this was a proposition proper if he ever heard one, even with Yamapi's totally unfazed expression and his own lack of thumping nervousness.
He thought of all they had been for each other: childhood friend, closest friend, crush, ex-crush, partner, brother, always the first person to come to mind, always someone to fall back on anytime... and he thought, if ever Yamapi wanted to redefine this relationship in whatever way, it would be fine, because their bond had moved past those definitions.
He gazed idly at Yamapi's face as he considered the answer, not so much because it needed consideration as to let Yamapi know through the pause that he'd understood the deeper implication of his words.
And with that, he knew that his reply too would be read the right way, normal as it would sound, the only way that that question could have been answered.
"From now on too... yoroshiku na."
---