[one-shot] Somewhere I belong
Title: Somewhere I belong
Fandom: Kis-My-Ft2
Pairings/Characters: Yokoo Wataru + Iida Kyohei, others mentioned
Rating: PG
Warnings: A little emo maybe?
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: Written for je100's Halloween Trick or Drabble Challenge. Here's your treat orange_c_c ♥~
He looked at the papers in his hand. He knew he shouldn’t be hesitating and yet he was. If he had gotten this information a few weeks prior, he wouldn’t have second thoughts right now but of course things wouldn’t just go smoothly like that.
So many things had happened in just a matter of days.
Johnny-san had announced that their unit would be reshuffled. They had worked with the younger four before, so it wasn’t a big change but there was something in the air. When the eight of them had come together in the meeting room, there had been something that had felt final about the decision. It had been Kitayama, who had put it into words.
“This group can only exist with the people who are in it right now.”
At first, Iida hadn’t thought much about it because their unit name hadn’t changed so much from the time back when the original Kis-My-Ft had been founded but somehow, it had felt different after he’d left that room again. Final.
Their workload was starting to increase and Iida knew, just like any other Junior who had been around for long enough, that this was a good sign.
And then the letter had arrived at his house.
His parents had been overjoyed and Iida, too, had always hoped and dreamed of being accepted into that university - and on a scholarship no less! - but somehow he hadn’t been able to feel completely happy. Maybe because of what had happened just an hour before he had gotten home and almost run over by his parents.
“Kyon,” Yokoo’s voice had been soft but somehow firm. It was a tone of voice that Iida hadn’t heard often in all the years in which he had known the other.
“What is it, Watta?” he had looked at the other.
It was strange for the other to actually address him like this. He could tell from Yokoo’s body language that he other wanted, no, needed to talk. The two of them rarely ever needed a lot of words to communicate. They had this silent understanding of each other. If that was no longer enough, if that was not enough for whatever Yokoo wanted to tell him... Iida wasn’t sure whether he should be afraid or not. He settled for being nervous.
“What do you think this is? You know, what’s there between us?” Yokoo’s eyes met his. “Is whatever this is strong enough to endure even the difficult times? Will this hold?”
Iida wasn’t stupid. He knew when a confession was thrown at his head.
“I...” he found himself at a loss for words. Iida had never thought about this. He and Yokoo had just always been - been what? Together? They hadn’t even known each other that long and yet it felt like nobody understood him better in this world than the other and the feeling was mutual. “Can you give me a night to think about it? I’m sure you’ve been thinking about it for a while now. Needless to say how to tell me about it.”
Yokoo had laughed softly, “You know me too well.”
“You must have practiced it, too, so you wouldn’t stumble over your words?” Iida had grinned at his friend and the serious topic was forgotten for the time being as they bickered and joked on their way to the train station where their ways would part for the day.
What should he do?
Iida lay on his bed that night with conflicting thoughts and emotions keeping him awake.
He knew his group and most of all, Yokoo would support him, no matter what decision he would make. He knew that Yokoo would want him to pick a steady, secure career over just hope. After all, Iida had talked about his hopes and dreams with the other before. Sometimes in the silence of Yokoo’s or his own bedroom and sometimes with their backs pressed against each other while sitting on the floor of Yokoo’s home, while they played with the little family of dogs there.
Fatigue got the better of him at some point and he drifted off into a dreamless sleep. He did not hear the thunder outside of his window, did not see the bright flashes of lightning and did not feel the soft earthquake rattling his windows.
When Iida woke up again, the world somehow felt different. He couldn’t put a finger on it but it just did. Getting out of bed, he got ready for the day before he went down to have breakfast.
Nobody seemed to be home - well his parents tended to be busy - so he turned on the TV to have some background noise as he got himself some rice and a few toppings to go with it.
“Popular Boyband Kis-My-Ft2 is set to release their 5th Single next month!” the cheerful voice of the female announcer could be hear and was soon after followed by concert footage.’’
Iida dropped the raw egg he had been holding and it splashed all over his foot. But he didn’t care. His eyes were wide and he was staring at the TV. At the people on the screen. He had to be dreaming still. This was just some sort of weird dream cause by all of the things he’d been thinking about before falling asleep. There was no other explanation!
The egg seeping into his sock did feel unpleasantly real though.
He wolfed down his breakfast, changed his socks and cleaned up the mess and then made his way out of the house. This couldn’t be real. He kept trying to tell that to himself but more and more things would pop up that would tell him otherwise.
“Iida! Is that really you? Wow, you haven’t changed since we last met,” a familiar voice talked to him as he made his way to some of the spots he and his friends from the Jimusho had frequented. “You come here from time to time, too? Just for the good old times?
Koyama Keiichiro looked just like Iida remembered him and yet not. There was something about the other’s eyes and the air around him that felt different.
“Uh, I guess so?” he tried to smile at the other without looking extremely awkward.
“Let’s go in! I’ll treat you to a drink. Ah, treating people seems to be the only thing I do these days but oh well. This is a special occasion after all!” the taller male pushed him inside the cafe and to a vacant table. “You really gotta tell me the secret of eternal youth. You and Kitayama that is.” He laughed softly.
“Really?” Iida laughed as well. “Well, maybe he just ages slower now that he’s become an adult?”
“Oh, you mean the India trip? Man that was something,” Koyama nodded.
India? Iida decided to find out more about that later.
“Tell me, have you heard anything from them? How have they been doing?” he tried to change the topic a little bit.
Koyama hummed softly, “You haven’t kept in touch? Not even with Yokoo-chan? You should call him or something. I’m sure he’d like that.” Then he continued, “Well, Kisumai have been doing well ever since their debut last year. I’m sure you’ve seen all of that. There’s lots of new work coming up for them as well and their new single is going to be out soon, too.”
He smiled. “I remember when Yokoo-chan told me about their debut. He looked so happy. I think he hasn’t looked that happy ever since you left.”
Left. Iida looked down. Was this the future?
Iida looked at a picture Koyama produced from somewhere, which showed a group of seven males. Seven males he was very familiar with, no, had been familiar with. The people he saw on the picture were almost strangers to him. They had changed.
This was their future. And Iida was no longer part of it.
His eyes lingered on the person in the upper right corner. Yokoo was smiling. But he was no longer smiling at him, Iida thought. Because he was no longer there after all.
He and Koyama ended up talking about the good old days until Koyama had to leave to go to work. This left Iida wandering around again. He looked at all the buildings and shops and marvelled at how some things had changed and other things had stayed the same.
On his way, he came across a music store and out of curiosity, he went inside to take a look at the displays. He stopped in a corner where a new display had been put up with pre-order forms stacked up neatly on the side. The sign read ‘Kis-My’Ft2’ in rainbow colored print. Iida picked up one of the CDs. He felt happiness well up inside of him upon reading the name. He was holding a CD with their name on it. It had been final after all.
“Would you like to listen to it, sir?” a shop clerk asked him with a smile.
“If I could?”
“Of course. This way please!”
Iida took a deep breath before he put on the headphones he was offered a bit later and then pressed the play button on the CD player.
A few hours later found him walking down the streets without any particular place to go to. He was just wandering around, lost in thought. It had been hard not to overreact in the store earlier while listening to the CD. At first, Iida had been overjoyed and had just felt happy. They had made it. Kis-My-Ft2 had debuted and were making a name for themselves. Things were fine.
Things were fine and they were fine. They were fine without him. They no longer needed him, had apparently not needed him for years.
He no longer had a place in that world, this world.
Suddenly he stopped next to a poster advertising a musical. He recognized the people on it. At first Iida wanted to laugh at the curly red wig but other emotions overwhelmed him.
He was no longer part of that world. He was no longer part of his world.
A part of him wondered what he had told the other in reply to the questions asked. Had he turned him down? He must have because otherwise he wouldn’t think that they could have continued. If he had accepted, he wouldn’t have left. Or would he have?
“Kyo...hei?”
Iida spun around when he heard the familiar voice. It couldn’t be and yet, there was no mistake. He would recognize that voice anywhere without a doubt.
“Kyohei, is that you?”
He didn’t know if the sheer disbelief or even shock he could see in the other’s eyes should hurt or not. Or maybe something else he could see in those eyes hurt even more, even though maybe it shouldn’t. The warmth, the familiarity, the longing.
Suddenly Iida felt the urge to run away. And yet at the same time, he wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around the other and hug him. So in the end he remained frozen on the spot.
“Kyon, say something!”
Other people called him by that name, too but it never sounded quite like this. Iida had also noticed how the other had not referred to him by his family name but by his given name. A tiny flicker of hope remained in his heart. Despite having been apart for such a long time - technically, for Iida right now it wouldn’t have been more than a few hours - Yokoo apparently still considered him close enough to be on first name basis.
“Watta,” he finally got the name past his lips. “I...” but he didn’t get any further.
The look Yokoo was giving him kept him from articulating any more words.
What happened next, seemed like some scene straight out of a movie or manga. Yokoo hugged him, right there on the sidewalk. There weren’t a lot of people around in the area so it was probably okay, plus, they were two guys - but it still seemed rather daring and just, Iida couldn’t find the words to describe it. His mind was a mess right now.
“Sorry. I just-” Yokoo sighed into his shoulder. “It’s been so long. You never said anything and then you were gone and...” The other was stumbling over his words and if Iida didn’t know how to decipher the other’s almost incoherent mumbling and stuttering from years of practice, it would have sounded like utter nonsensical gibberish.
It took several attempts until his hand moved and Iida lifted it up to hug the other back awkwardly.
“Watta,” he said the name again. And then added, “Tell me...tell me what happened since then.” Iida closed his eyes and leaned back against the other, “Tell me about the you right now.” Iida wanted to know. No, he needed to know.
Was there still a place for him in this world he no longer belonged into?
“Please,” he added softly, not forgetting his manners.
Yokoo pulled back and looked at him. The other seemed surprised. Then Yokoo seemed to take in his appearance. “You didn’t change a day.”
“Maybe it’s because it hasn’t even been a day for me,” Iida couldn’t lie to the other. Never.
“You mean you’re-” it looked like Yokoo was contemplating the (im)possibility of what Iida had just told him for a moment before he nodded. “Come with me then.” And then he smiled. “I live alone now. So we’ll be in private.”
The train ride was a rather silent affair. Yokoo was checking his phone and some other things and Iida just looked around. At night, the landscape didn’t seem so different from 8 years ago. But only at night. He knew that once the sun rose again, he would hardly be able to recognize his surroundings anymore.
Yokoo’s apartment was like what he would have imagined the other’s apartment to be like. Neat, with simple and sometimes colorful furniture and inhabited by a couple of dogs.
“How long have you been living alone?” Iida asked, out of curiosity. Back in his time, Yokoo hadn’t even been legal yet and had still lived at home. They had gone home on the train together, at least partially because he had to change to a different line.
“A few years. Not too long. Ever since work started to pick up and going back and forth from home became too much of a hassle,” Yokoo replied and offered him tea and snacks. “Are you hungry? I can cook us something.”
Iida’s hand came up to rest on his stomach. He realized he hadn’t really eaten anything since breakfast. “That would be nice,” he smiled. “You can cook?”
“I’ll let you be the judge,” Yokoo smiled and Iida caught a glimpse of the other’s trademark fang. It seemed shorted somehow, though, straighter. Yet another change. “Look around if you want to? I have no secrets. And no, I don’t have any hidden stashes of porn either, before you ask.”
“Why would I ask that?” Iida snorted softly. “I’m not Nikaido.”
“I guess you aren’t,” Yokoo agreed and made his way into his small kitchen.
Instead of looking at things around the apartment, Iida busied himself playing with the two puppies. They were a different breed of dog than the ones at the Yokoo Family Home. Close to the little pen they were kept in, Iida spotted a couple of books on pet care. He knew that Yokoo had chosen not to go to university, unlike Kitayama and Fujigaya. The other had always loved animals though, dogs in particular. So had the other chosen a different path? Or had Yokoo always believed in their group?
Yokoo’s parting words echoed in his mind again.
Is whatever this is strong enough to endure even the difficult times? Will this hold?
The answer was obvious to him now. Yokoo had always believed in their group. Iida wondered how the other must have felt when his future self had left the group and the agency.
“It’s nothing fancy but it’s good?” Yokoo put two plates onto the narrow living room table. “Dinner’s ready.”
Iida went to wash his hands before he went to join Yokoo at the table. He couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at the difference in size of their portions. “You didn’t change, huh?” he smiled. “I bet people still wonder about where all that food goes.”
“Yep,” Yokoo answered simply and took up his fork. “Let’s eat.”
The pasta was good, Iida had to admit. And maybe it was the fact that the other had made it that added a little extra good taste to it.
Yokoo told him about things that had happened ever since Iida’s future self had left. Iida didn’t comment much, although his expression probably showed what he was thinking. Yokoo had been in a drama, with Ninomiya from Arashi no less. And then ABC-Z and Kis-My-Ft2 had gotten to do their own concert. At the mention of their old friends and rivals, Iida chanced a question.
“So they added Hashimoto-kun to the group, the tiny kid from J.J.Express, right?” he looked at Yokoo. “What became of them afterwards?”
A smile tugged on Yokoo’s lips, “You wouldn’t recognize Hashimoto anymore if you saw him now. He’s taller than any of us and looks older than Fumito does most of the time.” The amused expression then turned into one of pride and happiness, “They got to debut at the beginning of this year. They just released their second DVD. They’re special. They’re not doing singles on CD but they do everything on DVD, because you need to see ABC-Z in order to well, understand. They simply aren’t a group who can just express themselves by just music.”
That did make sense to Iida. Also, the revelation that the other group had also reached their (intermediate) goal filled him with happiness as well. “I’m glad.”
Yokoo continued to tell him about what happened afterwards and finally arrived at the musical he and Nikaido were doing right now and Kis-My-Ft2’s 5th single that was going to be released. “A lot has happened ever since you left us. I’d ask you about your life ever since that day but I guess you can’t really answer that, can you?”
“I guess I can’t,” Iida shook his head. “I’m sorry, Watta.”
“What are you apologizing for? It’s nothing you can do something about,” Yokoo shook his head. Then he smiled at Iida again. “It’s,” he stopped again before he continued, “It’s really good to see you again, though. I guess now, if you were the real you, would have been long enough for us to see each other again. You know how strict the agency can be about meeting people who left.”
Iida frowned. He didn’t really remember much about that. Although he did remember how Matsumoto had been cut off from most of them when he had left for school. Iida remembered Inoo’s very depressed expression all too well.
“Oh, I guess things are different once you get closer to debut,” Yokoo noticed Iida’s confusion. “And I guess more people started to leave after you did.”
“Dare I ask who’s still there?” Iida asked. “I did see Kei-chan today, though.”
“You did?” Yokoo blinked, then his eyes turned a little sad. “He’s having a hard time as well. Or he’s had one. I think he’s doing fine again now. You know, NEWS are down to four members now. He said four is a lucky number though.”
“Four? That’s half of what they were!” Iida stared.
Yokoo nodded, “It’s only Kei-chan, Shige, Tegoshi-kun and Massu now. Uchi got into trouble but he’s back now as a solo artist of sorts. He does a lot with Question. Nishikido-kun left to go to Kanjani8 full time and Yamashita-kun is a solo artist now, too.”
The older male heaved a sigh, “And don’t get me started on the people from back then. I doubt you’d recognize a lot of people around the agency these days.”
Iida fell silent then. It sounded scary but then again that was how things worked. He would be one of those people who’d disappear, he was one of the people who had disappeared. But true to the world they worked in, the show had gone on without him.
He changed the topic then.
“Are you happy now, Watta?” he looked at the other. “And I’m not just talking about work.” Iida tried to smile. “Are you happy with how things turned out?”
As long as the other was happy, he’d be fine. Iida would be happy, too. And he’d tell the other that. If they knew they were both happy, things would be fine. There would be no problem.
“I could be happier,” Yokoo replied earnestly and looked back into Iida’s eyes.
Iida chuckled, “We could always be happier.”
“Kyon,” Yokoo’s expression was serious, “You could actually help me with that.”
“Help you with what?” Iida blinked.
“Happiness,” Yokoo prompted. His eyes didn’t leave Iida’s. “You know, even if you can’t answer questions about the future you, there’s a question you can answer. The you right now should be able to answer that. Or rather, it shouldn’t be anyone but you right now, answering this.”
Of course Iida knew straight away what the other meant.
So his future self had never gotten around to answering Yokoo. Somehow, he should have foreseen that. Iida knew he could be a terrible coward sometimes.
Then something else occurred to him and his eyes widened in realization. He stared at Yokoo in disbelief, “Wait, are you saying what you think you are saying?”
“You’re right most of the time when you guess my thoughts,” Yokoo replied simply.
“Even after all this time,” Iida could still not believe what he was hearing. “Even after all this time you’re still...you still...” he couldn’t find the courage to say it out loud.
Yokoo nodded, “Yeah. I still do.”
“Watta,” Iida wanted to reach out, wanted to touch the other, hold the other if possible. He was overwhelmed by feelings. But he couldn’t move. Or rather, he wasn’t moving but the world around him was. Yokoo disappeared in a blur of colors and bright lightning crashed somewhere close to him. “No!”
The sound of thunder made him jump and he stumbled as the ground under his feet turned unsteady and shaky. And then he was falling. Falling, into the darkness.
~*~
Yokoo sat up when his alarm rang and he stretched on his bed. Maybe he had eaten too much the previous night. His dreams had been weird.
After making his bed, he walked out into the living room to greet Baron and Papiko and get them ready for their morning walk. Before he reached their little pen, he noticed the plates on the dining room table. He scrunched up his nose. He never forgot to clean up after eating. Weird.
And why were there two plates?
He shook his head and continued with his morning routine. The air outside was crisp and cold but it woke him up, so he didn’t mind that. Once the walk was over he returned to his apartment and cleaned the dogs from whatever dirt and leaves they had stepped into before setting them back into their pen again.
Half an hour later, he was about to clear away his dishes from breakfast when somebody rang his doorbell. Yokoo wondered who would be looking for him so early in the morning. He wasn’t expecting any deliveries and his friends and family would let him know beforehand if they wanted to come over, considering he might not be home due to work.
Yokoo opened the door with the chain pulled in front of it because he hadn’t been able to make out the person’s face. “Yes? What can I do for you?”
“I owe you something,” the other party replied. “I owe you an answer to your questions.” The person on the other side of the door looked up and Yokoo thought his heart stopped for a moment. “I’m sorry it took so long.”
Was he still dreaming?
“Kyon,” before he knew it, he had undone the chain on the door and opened it fully. The other looked a little different from what he remembered him to look like. Of course. People changed over time after all. People got older. The other was no longer 17. He was 25 now.
“Hello again, Watta,” Iida smiled. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” Yokoo nodded but he still felt a little dumbfounded. Or maybe he was just shocked.
Once the door closed behind Iida, Yokoo found his voice again, “Why now, Kyon? Or just, why?” He would have thought that the other had forgotten about everything by now. Well, maybe not everything but well, he would have expected for Iida to have moved on because the other had not wanted to answer those questions. Iida would have just kept silent instead of outright rejecting him in order to make it less painful for Yokoo. That was the other’s style.
“I thought I no longer had the right to be here. I thought that I no longer belonged in this world, your world,” Iida started. “But then I found out that I still had a place in this world after all. And if I had that place, I could come back to it. No, I had to come back to it.”
He stepped closer towards the other and then Iida pulled Yokoo against him and wrapped his arms around the other’s slender frame. “I had to come back to you, Watta.”
Yokoo grabbed hold of the other and he didn’t care whether he was squeezing Iida a little too tight right now, he just couldn’t get himself to loosen the grip again. “Welcome back.”
“So,” Iida smiled, “The answer is yes.”
“Yes?” Yokoo was confused for a moment.
“Just yes,” Iida laughed softly. “No really. You asked me whether what we had would last, didn’t you? So, I say yes.” And then leaned in for a kiss because he knew that for everything else they wanted to say to each other, to convey to each other right now, they wouldn’t need any more words.
Fandom: Kis-My-Ft2
Pairings/Characters: Yokoo Wataru + Iida Kyohei, others mentioned
Rating: PG
Warnings: A little emo maybe?
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: Written for je100's Halloween Trick or Drabble Challenge. Here's your treat orange_c_c ♥~
He looked at the papers in his hand. He knew he shouldn’t be hesitating and yet he was. If he had gotten this information a few weeks prior, he wouldn’t have second thoughts right now but of course things wouldn’t just go smoothly like that.
So many things had happened in just a matter of days.
Johnny-san had announced that their unit would be reshuffled. They had worked with the younger four before, so it wasn’t a big change but there was something in the air. When the eight of them had come together in the meeting room, there had been something that had felt final about the decision. It had been Kitayama, who had put it into words.
“This group can only exist with the people who are in it right now.”
At first, Iida hadn’t thought much about it because their unit name hadn’t changed so much from the time back when the original Kis-My-Ft had been founded but somehow, it had felt different after he’d left that room again. Final.
Their workload was starting to increase and Iida knew, just like any other Junior who had been around for long enough, that this was a good sign.
And then the letter had arrived at his house.
His parents had been overjoyed and Iida, too, had always hoped and dreamed of being accepted into that university - and on a scholarship no less! - but somehow he hadn’t been able to feel completely happy. Maybe because of what had happened just an hour before he had gotten home and almost run over by his parents.
“Kyon,” Yokoo’s voice had been soft but somehow firm. It was a tone of voice that Iida hadn’t heard often in all the years in which he had known the other.
“What is it, Watta?” he had looked at the other.
It was strange for the other to actually address him like this. He could tell from Yokoo’s body language that he other wanted, no, needed to talk. The two of them rarely ever needed a lot of words to communicate. They had this silent understanding of each other. If that was no longer enough, if that was not enough for whatever Yokoo wanted to tell him... Iida wasn’t sure whether he should be afraid or not. He settled for being nervous.
“What do you think this is? You know, what’s there between us?” Yokoo’s eyes met his. “Is whatever this is strong enough to endure even the difficult times? Will this hold?”
Iida wasn’t stupid. He knew when a confession was thrown at his head.
“I...” he found himself at a loss for words. Iida had never thought about this. He and Yokoo had just always been - been what? Together? They hadn’t even known each other that long and yet it felt like nobody understood him better in this world than the other and the feeling was mutual. “Can you give me a night to think about it? I’m sure you’ve been thinking about it for a while now. Needless to say how to tell me about it.”
Yokoo had laughed softly, “You know me too well.”
“You must have practiced it, too, so you wouldn’t stumble over your words?” Iida had grinned at his friend and the serious topic was forgotten for the time being as they bickered and joked on their way to the train station where their ways would part for the day.
What should he do?
Iida lay on his bed that night with conflicting thoughts and emotions keeping him awake.
He knew his group and most of all, Yokoo would support him, no matter what decision he would make. He knew that Yokoo would want him to pick a steady, secure career over just hope. After all, Iida had talked about his hopes and dreams with the other before. Sometimes in the silence of Yokoo’s or his own bedroom and sometimes with their backs pressed against each other while sitting on the floor of Yokoo’s home, while they played with the little family of dogs there.
Fatigue got the better of him at some point and he drifted off into a dreamless sleep. He did not hear the thunder outside of his window, did not see the bright flashes of lightning and did not feel the soft earthquake rattling his windows.
When Iida woke up again, the world somehow felt different. He couldn’t put a finger on it but it just did. Getting out of bed, he got ready for the day before he went down to have breakfast.
Nobody seemed to be home - well his parents tended to be busy - so he turned on the TV to have some background noise as he got himself some rice and a few toppings to go with it.
“Popular Boyband Kis-My-Ft2 is set to release their 5th Single next month!” the cheerful voice of the female announcer could be hear and was soon after followed by concert footage.’’
Iida dropped the raw egg he had been holding and it splashed all over his foot. But he didn’t care. His eyes were wide and he was staring at the TV. At the people on the screen. He had to be dreaming still. This was just some sort of weird dream cause by all of the things he’d been thinking about before falling asleep. There was no other explanation!
The egg seeping into his sock did feel unpleasantly real though.
He wolfed down his breakfast, changed his socks and cleaned up the mess and then made his way out of the house. This couldn’t be real. He kept trying to tell that to himself but more and more things would pop up that would tell him otherwise.
“Iida! Is that really you? Wow, you haven’t changed since we last met,” a familiar voice talked to him as he made his way to some of the spots he and his friends from the Jimusho had frequented. “You come here from time to time, too? Just for the good old times?
Koyama Keiichiro looked just like Iida remembered him and yet not. There was something about the other’s eyes and the air around him that felt different.
“Uh, I guess so?” he tried to smile at the other without looking extremely awkward.
“Let’s go in! I’ll treat you to a drink. Ah, treating people seems to be the only thing I do these days but oh well. This is a special occasion after all!” the taller male pushed him inside the cafe and to a vacant table. “You really gotta tell me the secret of eternal youth. You and Kitayama that is.” He laughed softly.
“Really?” Iida laughed as well. “Well, maybe he just ages slower now that he’s become an adult?”
“Oh, you mean the India trip? Man that was something,” Koyama nodded.
India? Iida decided to find out more about that later.
“Tell me, have you heard anything from them? How have they been doing?” he tried to change the topic a little bit.
Koyama hummed softly, “You haven’t kept in touch? Not even with Yokoo-chan? You should call him or something. I’m sure he’d like that.” Then he continued, “Well, Kisumai have been doing well ever since their debut last year. I’m sure you’ve seen all of that. There’s lots of new work coming up for them as well and their new single is going to be out soon, too.”
He smiled. “I remember when Yokoo-chan told me about their debut. He looked so happy. I think he hasn’t looked that happy ever since you left.”
Left. Iida looked down. Was this the future?
Iida looked at a picture Koyama produced from somewhere, which showed a group of seven males. Seven males he was very familiar with, no, had been familiar with. The people he saw on the picture were almost strangers to him. They had changed.
This was their future. And Iida was no longer part of it.
His eyes lingered on the person in the upper right corner. Yokoo was smiling. But he was no longer smiling at him, Iida thought. Because he was no longer there after all.
He and Koyama ended up talking about the good old days until Koyama had to leave to go to work. This left Iida wandering around again. He looked at all the buildings and shops and marvelled at how some things had changed and other things had stayed the same.
On his way, he came across a music store and out of curiosity, he went inside to take a look at the displays. He stopped in a corner where a new display had been put up with pre-order forms stacked up neatly on the side. The sign read ‘Kis-My’Ft2’ in rainbow colored print. Iida picked up one of the CDs. He felt happiness well up inside of him upon reading the name. He was holding a CD with their name on it. It had been final after all.
“Would you like to listen to it, sir?” a shop clerk asked him with a smile.
“If I could?”
“Of course. This way please!”
Iida took a deep breath before he put on the headphones he was offered a bit later and then pressed the play button on the CD player.
A few hours later found him walking down the streets without any particular place to go to. He was just wandering around, lost in thought. It had been hard not to overreact in the store earlier while listening to the CD. At first, Iida had been overjoyed and had just felt happy. They had made it. Kis-My-Ft2 had debuted and were making a name for themselves. Things were fine.
Things were fine and they were fine. They were fine without him. They no longer needed him, had apparently not needed him for years.
He no longer had a place in that world, this world.
Suddenly he stopped next to a poster advertising a musical. He recognized the people on it. At first Iida wanted to laugh at the curly red wig but other emotions overwhelmed him.
He was no longer part of that world. He was no longer part of his world.
A part of him wondered what he had told the other in reply to the questions asked. Had he turned him down? He must have because otherwise he wouldn’t think that they could have continued. If he had accepted, he wouldn’t have left. Or would he have?
“Kyo...hei?”
Iida spun around when he heard the familiar voice. It couldn’t be and yet, there was no mistake. He would recognize that voice anywhere without a doubt.
“Kyohei, is that you?”
He didn’t know if the sheer disbelief or even shock he could see in the other’s eyes should hurt or not. Or maybe something else he could see in those eyes hurt even more, even though maybe it shouldn’t. The warmth, the familiarity, the longing.
Suddenly Iida felt the urge to run away. And yet at the same time, he wanted nothing more than to throw his arms around the other and hug him. So in the end he remained frozen on the spot.
“Kyon, say something!”
Other people called him by that name, too but it never sounded quite like this. Iida had also noticed how the other had not referred to him by his family name but by his given name. A tiny flicker of hope remained in his heart. Despite having been apart for such a long time - technically, for Iida right now it wouldn’t have been more than a few hours - Yokoo apparently still considered him close enough to be on first name basis.
“Watta,” he finally got the name past his lips. “I...” but he didn’t get any further.
The look Yokoo was giving him kept him from articulating any more words.
What happened next, seemed like some scene straight out of a movie or manga. Yokoo hugged him, right there on the sidewalk. There weren’t a lot of people around in the area so it was probably okay, plus, they were two guys - but it still seemed rather daring and just, Iida couldn’t find the words to describe it. His mind was a mess right now.
“Sorry. I just-” Yokoo sighed into his shoulder. “It’s been so long. You never said anything and then you were gone and...” The other was stumbling over his words and if Iida didn’t know how to decipher the other’s almost incoherent mumbling and stuttering from years of practice, it would have sounded like utter nonsensical gibberish.
It took several attempts until his hand moved and Iida lifted it up to hug the other back awkwardly.
“Watta,” he said the name again. And then added, “Tell me...tell me what happened since then.” Iida closed his eyes and leaned back against the other, “Tell me about the you right now.” Iida wanted to know. No, he needed to know.
Was there still a place for him in this world he no longer belonged into?
“Please,” he added softly, not forgetting his manners.
Yokoo pulled back and looked at him. The other seemed surprised. Then Yokoo seemed to take in his appearance. “You didn’t change a day.”
“Maybe it’s because it hasn’t even been a day for me,” Iida couldn’t lie to the other. Never.
“You mean you’re-” it looked like Yokoo was contemplating the (im)possibility of what Iida had just told him for a moment before he nodded. “Come with me then.” And then he smiled. “I live alone now. So we’ll be in private.”
The train ride was a rather silent affair. Yokoo was checking his phone and some other things and Iida just looked around. At night, the landscape didn’t seem so different from 8 years ago. But only at night. He knew that once the sun rose again, he would hardly be able to recognize his surroundings anymore.
Yokoo’s apartment was like what he would have imagined the other’s apartment to be like. Neat, with simple and sometimes colorful furniture and inhabited by a couple of dogs.
“How long have you been living alone?” Iida asked, out of curiosity. Back in his time, Yokoo hadn’t even been legal yet and had still lived at home. They had gone home on the train together, at least partially because he had to change to a different line.
“A few years. Not too long. Ever since work started to pick up and going back and forth from home became too much of a hassle,” Yokoo replied and offered him tea and snacks. “Are you hungry? I can cook us something.”
Iida’s hand came up to rest on his stomach. He realized he hadn’t really eaten anything since breakfast. “That would be nice,” he smiled. “You can cook?”
“I’ll let you be the judge,” Yokoo smiled and Iida caught a glimpse of the other’s trademark fang. It seemed shorted somehow, though, straighter. Yet another change. “Look around if you want to? I have no secrets. And no, I don’t have any hidden stashes of porn either, before you ask.”
“Why would I ask that?” Iida snorted softly. “I’m not Nikaido.”
“I guess you aren’t,” Yokoo agreed and made his way into his small kitchen.
Instead of looking at things around the apartment, Iida busied himself playing with the two puppies. They were a different breed of dog than the ones at the Yokoo Family Home. Close to the little pen they were kept in, Iida spotted a couple of books on pet care. He knew that Yokoo had chosen not to go to university, unlike Kitayama and Fujigaya. The other had always loved animals though, dogs in particular. So had the other chosen a different path? Or had Yokoo always believed in their group?
Yokoo’s parting words echoed in his mind again.
Is whatever this is strong enough to endure even the difficult times? Will this hold?
The answer was obvious to him now. Yokoo had always believed in their group. Iida wondered how the other must have felt when his future self had left the group and the agency.
“It’s nothing fancy but it’s good?” Yokoo put two plates onto the narrow living room table. “Dinner’s ready.”
Iida went to wash his hands before he went to join Yokoo at the table. He couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at the difference in size of their portions. “You didn’t change, huh?” he smiled. “I bet people still wonder about where all that food goes.”
“Yep,” Yokoo answered simply and took up his fork. “Let’s eat.”
The pasta was good, Iida had to admit. And maybe it was the fact that the other had made it that added a little extra good taste to it.
Yokoo told him about things that had happened ever since Iida’s future self had left. Iida didn’t comment much, although his expression probably showed what he was thinking. Yokoo had been in a drama, with Ninomiya from Arashi no less. And then ABC-Z and Kis-My-Ft2 had gotten to do their own concert. At the mention of their old friends and rivals, Iida chanced a question.
“So they added Hashimoto-kun to the group, the tiny kid from J.J.Express, right?” he looked at Yokoo. “What became of them afterwards?”
A smile tugged on Yokoo’s lips, “You wouldn’t recognize Hashimoto anymore if you saw him now. He’s taller than any of us and looks older than Fumito does most of the time.” The amused expression then turned into one of pride and happiness, “They got to debut at the beginning of this year. They just released their second DVD. They’re special. They’re not doing singles on CD but they do everything on DVD, because you need to see ABC-Z in order to well, understand. They simply aren’t a group who can just express themselves by just music.”
That did make sense to Iida. Also, the revelation that the other group had also reached their (intermediate) goal filled him with happiness as well. “I’m glad.”
Yokoo continued to tell him about what happened afterwards and finally arrived at the musical he and Nikaido were doing right now and Kis-My-Ft2’s 5th single that was going to be released. “A lot has happened ever since you left us. I’d ask you about your life ever since that day but I guess you can’t really answer that, can you?”
“I guess I can’t,” Iida shook his head. “I’m sorry, Watta.”
“What are you apologizing for? It’s nothing you can do something about,” Yokoo shook his head. Then he smiled at Iida again. “It’s,” he stopped again before he continued, “It’s really good to see you again, though. I guess now, if you were the real you, would have been long enough for us to see each other again. You know how strict the agency can be about meeting people who left.”
Iida frowned. He didn’t really remember much about that. Although he did remember how Matsumoto had been cut off from most of them when he had left for school. Iida remembered Inoo’s very depressed expression all too well.
“Oh, I guess things are different once you get closer to debut,” Yokoo noticed Iida’s confusion. “And I guess more people started to leave after you did.”
“Dare I ask who’s still there?” Iida asked. “I did see Kei-chan today, though.”
“You did?” Yokoo blinked, then his eyes turned a little sad. “He’s having a hard time as well. Or he’s had one. I think he’s doing fine again now. You know, NEWS are down to four members now. He said four is a lucky number though.”
“Four? That’s half of what they were!” Iida stared.
Yokoo nodded, “It’s only Kei-chan, Shige, Tegoshi-kun and Massu now. Uchi got into trouble but he’s back now as a solo artist of sorts. He does a lot with Question. Nishikido-kun left to go to Kanjani8 full time and Yamashita-kun is a solo artist now, too.”
The older male heaved a sigh, “And don’t get me started on the people from back then. I doubt you’d recognize a lot of people around the agency these days.”
Iida fell silent then. It sounded scary but then again that was how things worked. He would be one of those people who’d disappear, he was one of the people who had disappeared. But true to the world they worked in, the show had gone on without him.
He changed the topic then.
“Are you happy now, Watta?” he looked at the other. “And I’m not just talking about work.” Iida tried to smile. “Are you happy with how things turned out?”
As long as the other was happy, he’d be fine. Iida would be happy, too. And he’d tell the other that. If they knew they were both happy, things would be fine. There would be no problem.
“I could be happier,” Yokoo replied earnestly and looked back into Iida’s eyes.
Iida chuckled, “We could always be happier.”
“Kyon,” Yokoo’s expression was serious, “You could actually help me with that.”
“Help you with what?” Iida blinked.
“Happiness,” Yokoo prompted. His eyes didn’t leave Iida’s. “You know, even if you can’t answer questions about the future you, there’s a question you can answer. The you right now should be able to answer that. Or rather, it shouldn’t be anyone but you right now, answering this.”
Of course Iida knew straight away what the other meant.
So his future self had never gotten around to answering Yokoo. Somehow, he should have foreseen that. Iida knew he could be a terrible coward sometimes.
Then something else occurred to him and his eyes widened in realization. He stared at Yokoo in disbelief, “Wait, are you saying what you think you are saying?”
“You’re right most of the time when you guess my thoughts,” Yokoo replied simply.
“Even after all this time,” Iida could still not believe what he was hearing. “Even after all this time you’re still...you still...” he couldn’t find the courage to say it out loud.
Yokoo nodded, “Yeah. I still do.”
“Watta,” Iida wanted to reach out, wanted to touch the other, hold the other if possible. He was overwhelmed by feelings. But he couldn’t move. Or rather, he wasn’t moving but the world around him was. Yokoo disappeared in a blur of colors and bright lightning crashed somewhere close to him. “No!”
The sound of thunder made him jump and he stumbled as the ground under his feet turned unsteady and shaky. And then he was falling. Falling, into the darkness.
~*~
Yokoo sat up when his alarm rang and he stretched on his bed. Maybe he had eaten too much the previous night. His dreams had been weird.
After making his bed, he walked out into the living room to greet Baron and Papiko and get them ready for their morning walk. Before he reached their little pen, he noticed the plates on the dining room table. He scrunched up his nose. He never forgot to clean up after eating. Weird.
And why were there two plates?
He shook his head and continued with his morning routine. The air outside was crisp and cold but it woke him up, so he didn’t mind that. Once the walk was over he returned to his apartment and cleaned the dogs from whatever dirt and leaves they had stepped into before setting them back into their pen again.
Half an hour later, he was about to clear away his dishes from breakfast when somebody rang his doorbell. Yokoo wondered who would be looking for him so early in the morning. He wasn’t expecting any deliveries and his friends and family would let him know beforehand if they wanted to come over, considering he might not be home due to work.
Yokoo opened the door with the chain pulled in front of it because he hadn’t been able to make out the person’s face. “Yes? What can I do for you?”
“I owe you something,” the other party replied. “I owe you an answer to your questions.” The person on the other side of the door looked up and Yokoo thought his heart stopped for a moment. “I’m sorry it took so long.”
Was he still dreaming?
“Kyon,” before he knew it, he had undone the chain on the door and opened it fully. The other looked a little different from what he remembered him to look like. Of course. People changed over time after all. People got older. The other was no longer 17. He was 25 now.
“Hello again, Watta,” Iida smiled. “Can I come in?”
“Sure,” Yokoo nodded but he still felt a little dumbfounded. Or maybe he was just shocked.
Once the door closed behind Iida, Yokoo found his voice again, “Why now, Kyon? Or just, why?” He would have thought that the other had forgotten about everything by now. Well, maybe not everything but well, he would have expected for Iida to have moved on because the other had not wanted to answer those questions. Iida would have just kept silent instead of outright rejecting him in order to make it less painful for Yokoo. That was the other’s style.
“I thought I no longer had the right to be here. I thought that I no longer belonged in this world, your world,” Iida started. “But then I found out that I still had a place in this world after all. And if I had that place, I could come back to it. No, I had to come back to it.”
He stepped closer towards the other and then Iida pulled Yokoo against him and wrapped his arms around the other’s slender frame. “I had to come back to you, Watta.”
Yokoo grabbed hold of the other and he didn’t care whether he was squeezing Iida a little too tight right now, he just couldn’t get himself to loosen the grip again. “Welcome back.”
“So,” Iida smiled, “The answer is yes.”
“Yes?” Yokoo was confused for a moment.
“Just yes,” Iida laughed softly. “No really. You asked me whether what we had would last, didn’t you? So, I say yes.” And then leaned in for a kiss because he knew that for everything else they wanted to say to each other, to convey to each other right now, they wouldn’t need any more words.