Dear Reviewer

[kippurbird]

This post is in response to the comments given here. To my readers and the commenter let me make clear, in no uncertain terms: I am NOT mocking the comments. This was a fair and decent review where the commenter was trying to give me critical advice in regards to the story I posted up. However, the way my mind works, is that I find it easier to

Comments

[thelittlebudgie]

CHARACTER: I remember a while back that you said you identified as “male” gender-wise. That has always surprised me since Jono displays almost no masculine character traits. He is not stoic - he complains, sighs, shrugs and looks bored. He has no sense of responsibility - he openly resents his vaunted position. He snaps at people, is haughty, self-important and self-absorbed. He does not exude an aura of authority, instead he is reduced to making cheap threats at the guards and others who irritate him. If he were truly powerful (and not just bratty and resentful) he would not have had to say a thing to that guard - the man would have instinctively deferred to him.

I am rather bemused by the fact that these are all apparently female traits now, as well as the fact that 7/8ths of the people I knew in high school have suddenly been retconned as female, regardless of gender.

People are bratty, self-absorbed, spoilt, resentful, irritating, haughty, and whiny. They're also friendly, empathic, generous, responsible, humble, forgiving, and

[kippurbird]

I think they were complaining, after some thought on my part that Jono wasn't acting like a traditional male fantasy hero and the whining and things was usually delegated to the Designated Love Interest.

The only character I can think of that acts "manly" is Orion, who is an antagonist.

[jacedraccus]

Do you really owe an explanation to someone who doesn't identify themselves? Although I suppose it helps forestalling the inevitable whining and flames...

Also, Jono's behaviour as described (haven't read it yet so it doesn't influence my own NaNo :P ) sounds to me like it 'fits' a spoiled, pampered noble. What the commenter seems to overlook is that while, yes, people in medieval times might age quicker due to short life expectancy, that is NOT necessarily true of people in a position of privilege, who would have access to better (and more) food, better healthcare, better living conditions, and would also generally have little in the way of hardships to make them grow up as quickly as peasants would.

What interests me is that the description of Jono being labelled as 'female' sounds almost positively misogynistic. It's like hearing someone saying women are too emotional to run for mayor.

[kippurbird]

Do you really owe an explanation to someone who doesn't identify themselves?

Perhaps. Perhaps not. It's just a sort of... um... an automatic response to respond to these things.

And Yes, about Jono and his status. He's lived a very privileged life and he doesn't have a reason to get married and have children.

It's like hearing someone saying women are too emotional to run for mayor.

You mean they're not? =D

[jacedraccus]

Perhaps. Perhaps not. It's just a sort of... um... an automatic response to respond to these things.

I meant the disclaimer of "I am not mocking you!", I'm not sure I was clear on that. The explanation of your thinking and intentions in your writing is fine, and interesting for everyone else. :)

You mean they're not? =D

Maybe some are, but I'm sure there are guys, masculine guys, who could be described the same way.

[kippurbird]

I just didn't want people to think I was doing what I do with like Paolini's interviews and stuff. And that I was taking it seriously.

[authoressarktos]

Beyond the description thing (which you gave pretty good reasons for, so we'll ignore that) I don't quite get what bothers her. As far as I could see, your characters were A-OK and the lack of attention to clothes was a PLUS.

I would recommend making it easier to tell this isn't a traditional medieval fanatasy though. Not because it's really needed to further the description, but because most people are bound to assume 'hey, it's got magic therefore it must be medieval'.

[kippurbird]

Why do you think the lack of clothing description was a plus? Just curious.

As for showing it's not a traditional medieval fantasy ... well, I'm assuming that the plot will do that, as well as the other descriptions and character comments that will follow in the story.

[authoressarktos]

Because SO MANY TIMES I see people putting a lot of detail into clothing, or scenery, etc. and it bogs down the story. The fact you didn't worry about it so much shows that you were trying to get down the main points for the first draft instead of being a complete perfectionist, which is good. Means you'll probably have more time to catch errors and things later, at least that's my theory.

That's what I figured, and I don't think there's much you can do if someone picks up the book and expects magic to equal medieval, but...aww heck, I forgot what I was getting at with that anyway. *shrugs*

[palmer_kun]

Agreed. Too much focus on details is just another form of info-dumping.

Get all your details in the story, spread out through the whole story, not up front.

[palmer_kun]

He is not stoic - he complains, sighs, shrugs and looks bored. He has no sense of responsibility - he openly resents his vaunted position. He snaps at people, is haughty, self-important and self-absorbed. He does not exude an aura of authority

Damn, sounds like me a few years ago.

Actually, still sounds like me, minus the self-important and absorbed.

*looks in pants*

SWEET BEGONIAS AND BROADSWORDS, I HAVE A VAGINA! WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?

*ends comment and goes to feel self up all day*

[kippurbird]

At least you're enjoying yourself...?

[shmeiliarockie]

The gender comment makes me quite angry. I can't decide if it's more sexist toward women or men. Way to be generally offensive, Mouse. I understand that perhaps they want to give you constructive critism, but this is a first draft done for NaNoWriMo. It's supposed to be rough. You'll smooth out the edges later.

Besides, this isn't the first story in the series, is it? As long as it makes sense in the context of the larger story, I don't see why you have to give every single bit of background information in the first chapter. In fact, that would be a bit annoying. Keep doing what you're doing, Kippur. I really liked it.

[kippurbird]

The gender comment I think is sexist to both men and women. I think if you're going to give constructive criticism you should at least wait until you actually are in the story.

Besides, this isn't the first story in the series, is it?

I think it's a stand-alone that takes place before the main events in the first novel of the four book series as it has nothing to do with the over-arching plot line. It's more of an "So, how the fuck did these two get together" story.