It's shaping up to be a fairly interesting story, all told. Laws, traditions, scenery, and the dilemma of Alec's powers... fills things in nicely.
Although, a nitpick. The square is described with three buildings, and you mention four. I do like the 'hands to the sky' imagery though, but it might need rewording.
What's the difference between bordering the square and being on it? The way I'm seeing it, a square in terms of city design is a large open space with its borders defined by buildings. If the 'square' is actually totally used up by those buildings, then it becomes more of an intersection or crossroads.
I mean, I can understand if the borders of the square are very large, and defined by the temple, the University, and the library, and the Council building sits in the center of the square with plenty of wide space around it. That's what I thought the narrative meant?
It's becoming interesting. The only thing that leaves me a little confused is why only some people can use all of the elements and some of them can't. I realize that it seems to be hereditary but why did the original folks who could use all of the elements use all of the elements? This is still very early in the story but I think that, once the magic is mentioned, it should probably be explained soon after. Maybe in the next chapter? I'm not trying to ruin the suspense but it's something I want to learn about as soon as possible
( ... )
The wizards were artifically created about three thousand years before the story begins. The five types were created at that point and fifteen of the wizarding families from all the created families founded a city for wizards.
As for the last element wizard thing... well no one ever said that Lorac was dead.
But that was my point. It'd be better if the councilor was not suggesting it was impossible for Alec to be an element wizard. Just that she thought it unlikely. Or maybe I misread it as her suggesting that they were all dead.
And the wizards being artificially created is interesting... but why were only some of them given the ability to utilize all of the elements?
Yes, but he's not very fond of his cult. They bother him.
Wizards were modified from witches who can use life magic. Certain kinds of witches created certain kinds of wizards, depending on how the spark of magic was altered. It was sort of like a breeding thing with calico cats.
Also, I think it'd be funny if Sela actually devised something like those leashes she mentioned. Not necessary, just amusing. Necessity is the mother of invention, after all. ;D
:D Alec's the Avatar! (/semi-obscure anime reference)
Well, I don't think I commented on the last extract, but I will on this one to say: this is really good. If it were me, I'd put more emotions into the exposition -- y'know, "to her relief, they got down safely" as opposed to "they got down safely", to give an unimaginative example :P -- but it's enjoyable to read as it is, too. I love the copycat relationship between Alec and Laruna. xD Awesome sibling... stuff. I'm never satisfied with how I write family relationships, but you do it really well.
*giggles at your icon* Incidentally, I thought of Avatar as well. Though, isn't it being made for Nickelodeon? I didn't think it was anime in the most traditional sense (because it's being animated specifically for an American network.) Unless I'm incorrect about that.
And true, something I forgot about. Might be better to hint at a little more emotion. But yesh, I love how irritating the kids are being. True to life but not necessarily spiteful of them. And relatively cute (since I don't have to deal with them.) :D
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Although, a nitpick. The square is described with three buildings, and you mention four. I do like the 'hands to the sky' imagery though, but it might need rewording.
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I mean, I can understand if the borders of the square are very large, and defined by the temple, the University, and the library, and the Council building sits in the center of the square with plenty of wide space around it. That's what I thought the narrative meant?
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As for the last element wizard thing... well no one ever said that Lorac was dead.
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But that was my point. It'd be better if the councilor was not suggesting it was impossible for Alec to be an element wizard. Just that she thought it unlikely. Or maybe I misread it as her suggesting that they were all dead.
And the wizards being artificially created is interesting... but why were only some of them given the ability to utilize all of the elements?
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Wizards were modified from witches who can use life magic. Certain kinds of witches created certain kinds of wizards, depending on how the spark of magic was altered. It was sort of like a breeding thing with calico cats.
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Well, who knows.
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Well, I don't think I commented on the last extract, but I will on this one to say: this is really good. If it were me, I'd put more emotions into the exposition -- y'know, "to her relief, they got down safely" as opposed to "they got down safely", to give an unimaginative example :P -- but it's enjoyable to read as it is, too. I love the copycat relationship between Alec and Laruna. xD Awesome sibling... stuff. I'm never satisfied with how I write family relationships, but you do it really well.
In summary, huzzah for you! =D
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And true, something I forgot about. Might be better to hint at a little more emotion. But yesh, I love how irritating the kids are being. True to life but not necessarily spiteful of them. And relatively cute (since I don't have to deal with them.) :D
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...I always assumed that 'anime' referred to the style of a cartoon, rather than who commissioned/animated it. Eh, but I'm no expert. :)
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