Hurting because a friend is hurting

[kingshearte]

I just found out that one of my friends is really depressed - more so than I had any idea, to the point of cutting himself. And I don't know how to deal with it any more than I did the first time I found out someone I cared about was doing it. It's just such a devastating thing to find out, and it makes you feel so helpless. I know it's not my

Comments

[denovan]

the best thing you can do is simply make yourself available to him if he needs a shoulder to lean on. and listen... just - listen. if he'll allow it, reach out and hug him. let him know he can trust you to keep his secrets. literally let/help him cry, allow him let his guard down - especially with guys, it's hard to do that. crying is a good release - it's often helpful.

it's *usually* one of two reason that we cut. one is to feel something, anything, because we feel so numb from the assault of the causing disorder or even life in general. the other is to feel like we're bleeding the emotional or mental pain through a more physical medium... to make it tangible.

you might find my LJ profile interesting...

[kingshearte]

I've read it actually. I thought about saying something, considering my own outside-looking-in experiences with it, but it's not the sort of thing you can just casually bring up in conversation. I am sorry you've been through that, though.

As for him, I wish I could do all that, but the listening is about all I can do at the moment, since he left Halifax. Which probably contributes to my helpless feelings. I'm just glad he's working toward getting better.

[denovan]

anytime you wanna chat about it, feel free to ask... i've nothing to hide and i welcome the opportunity to help someone understand should they wish to learn more. i've always believed that taking about it helps me too, helps me analyse it and helps me find new ways to keep it in check.

i'm not entirely sorry for what i've experienced. i think in ways it's made me a better person - certainly it's made me more tolerant of some things in life.

and believe me, just listening will help him immensely.

[kingshearte]

I do believe you.

[himeropa]

He's right. If you're there for him you might feel like you aren't doing anything, but you are doing everything right. Obviously your friend is going through something, and maybe, when he's figured it out, having you to talk to about it could be a step in the right direction.

I have a friend who went through something similar in high school. I used to visit her in the hospital every other day in grade 10. She's is one of the most possitive influences in my life now and she says that just coming to talk with her made her feel like her problems weren't disaffecting her friendship with me. Oh and remember, they are still the person they were before this started, so you don't have to always focus on what's happening right now. Sometimes, talking about the things that brought you two together as friends can make you both feel better.By doing the only thing you can think of, you are giving him the one thing he needs most.

[kingshearte]

I know that, I really do. I'm not dismissing my efforts. I think it's just that it doesn't feel like enough, because I doubt anything can.