How to make Brian want to hurt you...
1) Come up to the bar looking tragic, disheveled and drunk and attempt to slur out "pitcher of Miller Light". Allow me a moment as I begin to say not only that we don't have m.light on tap but to also debate serving you at all only to be told by the main 'tender for the night not to serve you anyway. Be told by main bartender that you won't be served. Turn to me and ask me why? Be told by me that you've had too much to drink. Tell me that I must be joking and roll your eyes when I tell you it's my decision to make and that it's clear you are intoxicated. Walk slowly away towards to the patio.
2) Go out on the patio and attempt to order beer from the bartenders out there and realize that I've gotten there first and told them not to serve you.
3) 20 minutes later go back to inside bar and try to get served again by the same bartenders that refused to serve you the first time.
4) 20 minutes after that be caught with a bottle of beer in your hand (be sure to keep it up under your armpit with arms folded so I won't notice you have somehow gotten someone to buy you a drink). Act outraged when I take that bottle from you and tell you to get the fuck out of the bar. Have your drunk buddy try and tell me that I have no right to throw you out because you aren't causing any trouble other than drinking when you are already intoxicated and putting yourself, other people, the bar, and me at risk. Have your friend get into further debates and continue to not get the point that you are about to be 86'd for life if he doesn't shut the fuck up. Have me grab you forcibly by the arm and toss you out the back door. Have your friend tell me that I'm the "lesser bartender" around here and that other bartenders would never do this. Have me respond to your tragic friend "Do what? Not over serve someone and put people at risk while breaking the law?" Have your friend be called a fucktard. Have your friend want to speak with a manager. Have your friend be really close to getting tossed out as well.
5) Have your friend continue to want to debate me. Have your friend be told that the conversation is over. Have your friend attempt to explain to anyone listening what an asshole I am. Have your friend be told by the other bartender working that your friend is misguided and that drunk people who are cut off and then get a drink through other means are immediately tossed.
How to keep from getting hurt...
1) Have your friend decide to go away and stop being a drunken fucking waste of space...
AIDS Walk in 5 hours...
2) Go out on the patio and attempt to order beer from the bartenders out there and realize that I've gotten there first and told them not to serve you.
3) 20 minutes later go back to inside bar and try to get served again by the same bartenders that refused to serve you the first time.
4) 20 minutes after that be caught with a bottle of beer in your hand (be sure to keep it up under your armpit with arms folded so I won't notice you have somehow gotten someone to buy you a drink). Act outraged when I take that bottle from you and tell you to get the fuck out of the bar. Have your drunk buddy try and tell me that I have no right to throw you out because you aren't causing any trouble other than drinking when you are already intoxicated and putting yourself, other people, the bar, and me at risk. Have your friend get into further debates and continue to not get the point that you are about to be 86'd for life if he doesn't shut the fuck up. Have me grab you forcibly by the arm and toss you out the back door. Have your friend tell me that I'm the "lesser bartender" around here and that other bartenders would never do this. Have me respond to your tragic friend "Do what? Not over serve someone and put people at risk while breaking the law?" Have your friend be called a fucktard. Have your friend want to speak with a manager. Have your friend be really close to getting tossed out as well.
5) Have your friend continue to want to debate me. Have your friend be told that the conversation is over. Have your friend attempt to explain to anyone listening what an asshole I am. Have your friend be told by the other bartender working that your friend is misguided and that drunk people who are cut off and then get a drink through other means are immediately tossed.
How to keep from getting hurt...
1) Have your friend decide to go away and stop being a drunken fucking waste of space...
AIDS Walk in 5 hours...