Finding the rest of yourself after you've discovered all of your bear....

[kingfuraday]

Last night I was working at the bar and I wasn't really feeling cranky but I just had a lot on my mind and my wheels were in motion I guess you could say. It keeps coming up and appearing at different times and the effects of my dealing with it can be seen here and there in the way I've been living my life of late. Wow, that's vague! You'll have

Comments

[bearringsd]

Yeah. Amen, dude.

Personally, well...I am attracted to the bears and all that, but if it wasn't for the act of inclusion I would get NO love at all. It's because of guys who step outside of that bear circle that I've been able to meet people, socialize and date. It wasn't always that way. I can tell that in the past (and sadly, sometimes in the present) something hasn't work out in friendship or more intimate relationships because I didn't fit that mold.

But this is all just sex and dating and stuff...the 'Life' Big Picture is that you are right. Not all of our experiences have to be bear friendly or even GAY friendly: they just have to be friendly. When it boils down to it, it's really all I've come to ask for.

[kingfuraday]

Honestly Henry, because of my own hang ups, you're actually a person who I probably never would have known if I hadn't slapped the stupid out of myself and realized that I was being an idiot for limiting my friendships for so long. Live Journal helped a lot to get me to realize how much I was missing. Glad to be in the process of growing out of it and glad that I didn't miss out on having you as a friend!

[ghosthuntercub]

I think this is more prevalent in the gay community than any other community out there. We separate, categorize, and limit ourselves and the friends we have.. forming those "clicks" we felt ignored by and hated in high school. Ironic, isn't it?? LOL

[kingfuraday]

don't get me wrong - I'm not looking for a "melting pot" experience because I just don't think that's realistic in the here and now. But I am looking for people to have a more open mind when it comes to folks they perceive as "invading" their territory.

there were two groups of "bois" that came into PECs one night. One group was totally cool and hung out, did shots, had fun etc... The other was totally obnoxious, hated on my regulars, said rude comments just loud enough to be heard, and I threw the rude group out.

Like you said - rude people come in all shapes and sizes - thank goodness as a bartender I get to create my own world and throw out the ones I don't like!

[realaustinman]

I think your reaction is a function more of tenure in the community rather than just community itself. After a while the echo-chamber of your cohorts gets to be a bit much, and I'd like to think its pretty natural to want to take a step back. I know my personal experience has been such. It happens career-wise, it happens with "monthly supper clubs", it happens with doing the holiday-season shuffle between cities or families. That doesn't mean one can't be associated with the community, just that the community takes on a different context within one's own experience. What could be more natural?

[kingfuraday]

I think you nailed it. I just need to take my 14 years stretch!

[kingfuraday]

yeah, I just don't think the acceptance/rejection thing is unique to bears. It's societal and unfortunately it seems to be a defense mechanism our culture has. Hurt before you're hurt...

[mrpandabehr]

Yeah, bears that are chaser friendly are cool... and they're even cooler when they're universally friendly.

[kingfuraday]

Universal friendliness is a skill... natural born with some - hard work for others. I have a Hell of a time with it myself. I'm a naturally grouchy person... hehe