Comments | kim1989: The stupid thing Kim did with her heart the last couple of months

kim1989

The stupid thing Kim did with her heart the last couple of months

Jan 07, 2013 23:51

So that game I've been playing - Marvel Avengers Alliance - it has a chat feed. In that chat feed I started talking to a guy - a soldier deployed in Afghanistan, a married soldier deployed in Afghanistan. He's 37 so don't think I've gone cougar. His name is Randy, but that's a secret he tries to keep because hey the whole wife thing. We moved our ( Read more... )

depression, desperation, rejection

Comments 13

adventurat January 8 2013, 15:21:27 UTC

*pets you*

You definitely deserve more than you're getting. You just need to project that message out into the world, and to do that you have to believe it in your heart, soul, and pinkie toes. Repetition helps. And when you believe it, you get better stuff all over the place.

I don't think you're a horrible person for getting sucked into an online relationship that got you played for a fool. I don't think you can call it an affair, when clearly yours were the only emotions engaged; I think Mr. Randy of the Airborne is a big fat liar and jerk who's probably happily married but gets bored while deployed (as one does), and is possibly a composite personality developed for just this purpose. So you're NOT horrible. Hopeful romantic, but not horrible. And maybe you'll be the wiser for it going forward.

*hugs*

kim1989 January 8 2013, 15:40:03 UTC

I hope you're right. He messaged me this morning to tell me he was hiding in the bathroom so he could send me a message before going to take his son to school. I don't want to be a bitch so I replied "Have fun and don't sit in the house all day playing computer games." Kind of mom advice ( ... )

adventurat January 8 2013, 16:44:36 UTC

That word was deliberately chosen: the only thing worse than a hopeless romantic is a hopeful one. I know, for I am one.

Keep believing that you were helping him. But disengage from him. You don't have to tell him you're doing it or why, but the sooner you stop responding to his texts, the better, probably.

You deserve better than this, Kim. Let it go. All of it: the game, the messaging, and especially the self-recrimination. Forgive yourself, without qualification or restriction.

kim1989 January 8 2013, 21:19:29 UTC

I've been talking with a friend at MAA all day and she told me things that directly contradict what he told me. I'm even more gullible than I thought. I can't understand how I let myself get sucked in.

I don't know how I'm going to trust others going forward after this and that worries more than anything.

Thread 10

sarken January 9 2013, 06:28:38 UTC

*hugs*

You're not terrible. And it was unfair as all hell for him to wait to tell you about being married, because by that point, he had to have known you were attached to him.

You really do deserve better than him or Ralph. I hope you find it.

kim1989 January 9 2013, 19:04:30 UTC

Thanks so much. I appreciate it. It's gotten more complicated still and I'm more confused than ever, but I'm not going to do anything stupid. I'm going to update more about this later. Thank you again for being here. It means a lot to me.

monack February 7 2013, 16:45:07 UTC

Am still getting caught up.
I feel awful that I wasn't here for you while all of this was going on.
You are not a horrible person. You are very strong - and like many of us who have a big heart - took to heart the words of someone who doesn't deserve your love.
What is obvious is that you do have an emotional need -- because things like this do not happen unless you are looking to fill a need in your life.
I love you. I am so sorry you were hurting, and I had no idea. <3