my favourite place was me and you: chapter 1

[kikis2]

Title: my favourite place was me and you
Author: Kiki
Fandom: Glee
Pairing/Character(s): Puck/Rachel, Santana/Rachel, Rachel/OMC undertones
Rating: M
Word count: 2228
Spoilers: None, futurefic
Summary: Rachel is forced to leave the spotlight and return home to face the people she sold for her dream.
Disclaimer. None of this is mine.

Comments

[fall_into_life]

I think the only problem with this piece is Brit-isms. The characters are so far true to themselves, the little reminders that Lima really is a hole in the road to most people- these make the piece compelling.

What breaks my immersion is that Glee is such a very, very American show and there are little pieces of England sprinkled throughout. "Outmanoeuvre" is "outmaneuver" in American English. Americans don't take "holidays", we take "vacations" (although, to be fair, for all I know Julian is British and could be completely correct in saying that). We don't call our currency "notes", although with Rachel being as uptight as she is, she probably wouldn't call it "cash", instead using "money".

I only nit-pick because I genuinely like this piece so far. :)

[kikis2]

I have no problem with nit-picking. I did try to globalize a couple of the things you mentioned, (I had no idea about "notes"!)because I think Australians/Brits don't find Americanisms as disconcerting as Americans find Britishisms. But I decided against changing any spelling, because then the title would look rather...incongruent.

[fall_into_life]

Yeah, I have no idea what's wrong with we Americans, that we can't take a little bit of Brit with our American. It's jarring for no good reason I can put my finger on, while being hot in actual conversation.

Aha! I just noticed that the title has the British "u" in it instead of the more American lack thereof.

[meagan4dominic]

Awesome first chapter. I really like how you have peppered this first chapter with hints of the backstory, like Julian and Rachel, and the dilemma with Puck. You've revealed enough to catch my interest but withheld enough to keep me reading to find out, awesome job
I will definitely be reading the rest :D

[kikis2]

Thanks for reading and I hope you like the rest too :)