I Haven't Say I Love You
Title : I Haven't Say I Love You
Pairing : Jongkey
Rating : PG-13
Genre : romance
Warning : Character death
Words count : 3014
Summary : Why you already left me before I could say I love you?
Call me if you're home :)
-Jjong
Kibum closed his phone and sighed. It had been the third message he got from Jonghyun that night. He was just went to an orphanage like usual, taking care of the children every Wednesday night, and Jonghyun already knew that his shift ended at 9 p.m, and it was just 8.30.
Not that he hated Jonghyun, not at all, but sometimes Jonghyun could be really annoying, especially when he texted something like that because Kibum knew the times Jonghyun texted him that thing, he would only say 'I ate a super delicious pasta at that restaurant' (He already said that three times already) or 'I got a knife cut on my finger T.T' (even though it's just a small, really small cut and you wouldn't notice if you didn't scan through his hands) or something like 'I bought a new perfume today' (it's still the same perfume that he uses every day, he bought a new one because the previous one had already run out) in shorter words, it wasn't an important matter.
Kibum is a social worker. He worked for a social association that is helping orphanages in Seoul. He wasn't rich but he has a really sincere heart. He loved to help people, so that he joined that social association. He met Jonghyun when a famous 3-membered boyband, SHINee (the other members are Onew and Minho) was doing a fund raising for children and that even took place at the orphanage where Kibum worked at, so Kibum was told to guide SHINee through that work. And somehow they grew closer to each other and they even exchanged number. Even though Jonghyun was an idol, Kibum never treated him differently from other people, and Jonghyun really liked this side of Kibum. Jonghyun sometimes asked Kibum to go shopping with him or having lunch together.
"Oppa, are you alright?" Soojung, a 6 years old girl asked him curiously, she had been standing behind Kibum when Kibum saw the message from Jonghyun
"I'm alright, sweetie. You should go to sleep, right?" Kibum smiled and patted that girl's head
"But I want you to read me this story" She pouted and lowered her head as she hugged a Cinderella story book
"Okay. But you have to sleep once I finish read that story to you, okay?"
"Mm.." She smiled and nodded her head enthusiastically
Kibum took the book from her hands and guided her to the girls' shared bedroom.
~
Kibum opened his apartement door and quickly took off his shoes, threw his bag to the couch and went straight to the bathroom to take a bath. He hated a sticky body after works and he always loved to take a long relaxing bath at night. When it's already 9.30 p.m, he walked out of his bathroom and sat on his bed, checking if there's a new message or not. And yes, 2 new messages from Jonghyun
Where are you? I want to talk to you
-Jjong
Already at home? Why so long? Call me
-Jjong
"Why are you so impatient?" Kibum murmured to himself but he still dialed Jonghyun's number and placed the phone to his ear, less than 5 seconds, Jonghyun already picked the phone up.
"Hello.." Kibum started
"Kibummie~" Jonghyun said with an exaggerated sad tone
"What happen?" Kibum asked while he crawled to reach his pillow and positioned it so that he could lie down comfortably
"I lost my iPad todaaaay.. Hikkkkssss" Fake sobs from Jonghyun and a sigh from Kibum
"You can still buy a new one"
"But it had a lot of my games in it"
"Oh my godness.. How old are you now?" Kibum felt like he was talking with one of those children on that orphanage. Seriously, if someone lost his iPad, who would cry for the games and not for the money he spent for buying it? Jonghyun.
"21, why?" he replied casually and Kibum wanted to hit his head to the nearest wall.
"Whatever.. I'm sleepy"
"Alright then.. Sweet dream"
"Did you just want to say you lost your iPad and you texted me numerous times?" Kibum said with an unbelieving tone
"Yeah.."
"Ah.. Good night"
"Good night.."
*******************************************
It was Friday afternoon, Kibum was working on a cafe (it's his part time job) when Jonghyun-in-disguise came to that cafe and sat on the empty seat near the counter where Kibum was preparing a drink.
"Bummie!" Jonghyun whispered, calling the honey-colored haired boy who was busy preparing a cup of vanilla latte but Kibum didn't look to his direction. He didn't ignore Jonghyun, he just didn't hear it due to the noisy sounds of the cafe.
"Kibum!" Jonghyun tried again, a bit louder than the last one. But Kibum still didn't look at his direction, maybe he was just too concentrate measuring the sugar he should put on the drink. Taemin, Kibum's best friend who happened to work at the same cafe with Kibum heard Jonghyun's voice, quickly nudged Kibum's arm and pointed at Jonghyun's direction when Kibum looked up.
Kibum just flashed him a smile and back to his work after whispering something to Taemin. Jonghyun pouted a bit when he saw Kibum's response, but he quickly hid it when Taemin walked over to him and lowered his body a little so that Jonghyun could hear him perfectly
"Hyung said his shift ended 30 more minutes, wait for a moment"
"Oh, okay then" He shrugged, "Ah, Taemin-sshi, I want one Americano, no sugar"
"Okay" Taemin walked back to the counter and inputted Jonghyun's order to the computer and made the drink for him.
Taemin knew Jonghyun. It's simple Kibum thought, Jonghyun is Kibum best friend and Taemin is Kibum's best friend too, so they should get to know each other. But Taemin never acted like a crazy-fanboy although he admitted that he was a big fan of SHINee, especially Minho.
Jonghyun waited for 30 minutes in that cafe patiently.
"What happened, hyung?" Kibum's voice startled him because he was reading a magazine that wrote about SHINee's latest interview.
"Your shift has ended?" Jonghyun looked at his watch and just realized that it was 6 p.m already
"Yeah.." Kibum sat on the opposite chair
"Oh, I want to go shopping with Onew hyung and Minho, come?" Jonghyun flipped the magazine closed and put it on the table
"Now?"
"Yep" He took his Americano and drank it
"Sure. Can I bring Taemin also?"
"Why not?" Jonghyun smirked
"Okay. I'll grab my things" Kibum got up from the chair and walked to the staff room.
***********************************
They went to the mall like their plan before, except Onew who called Jonghyun that he couldn't make it because of his musical practice.
Jonghyun and Minho was doing their 'style-change' shopping and they bought a LOT of clothes and accessories, on the other side, Taemin and Kibum were just looking around, almost not buying anything.
"I want to go to the toilet.." Kibum said as he stood up from the chair he was sitting.
"Mmm" was the only response he got from Jonghyun, Taemin and Minho.
They were sitting on the restaurant, eating some salad and other healthy food because Jonghyun and Minho couldn't take risk on being not in shape for their upcoming album.
~
"It has been 20 minutes since hyung went to toilet" Taemin said to no one in particular, they had finished their food but Kibum still hadn't came back.
"Should I look for him?" Jonghyun offered
"I'll do it" Taemin stood up and grab his bag. Jonghyun only nodded and he started talking to Minho when Taemin had walked out.
15 more minutes, Minho asked Jonghyun to go back home, because he wanted to watch a soccer match that would be aired at 10.
"Where's Taemin? He said he only wanted to look for Kibum" Minho asked, "The toilet is right near. Why he is so long?"
"I'll call him" Jonghyun took out his phone.
"Hello.." Taemin answered the call after Jonghyun's third call, he didn't pick up that previous two
"Tae, where are you?" Jonghyun asked, a bit irritated
"Umm.. Hospital" He answered slowly
"What?"
"Actually... Kibum hyung fainted when I found him in the toilet.." Taemin explained, there was a sign of unsure in his tone
"Why you didn't call us or something?"
"It's... Complicated hyung. I'm sorry.."
"Which hospital are you now? I'll come there"
"Seoul International Hospital"
Jonghyun hurriedly drove to the hospital with Minho following him. He found Taemin was sitting in front of the emergency room
"Tae.." Jonghyun called
"Hyung.." Taemin stood up from his seat, his face showed that he was really worried,
"What happen actually?"
"He.." Before Taemin finished his words, the doctor came out from the room, so Taemin hurriedly walked closer to the doctor
"How's his condition?" Taemin asked
"Worse. He never does that treatment, does he?" Dr. Park replied, his face was showing worry too, and that made Jonghyun more anxious
"Yeah.. He didn't want to do it"
"Why? It's only make him suffer more.."
"I don't know either.."
Jonghyun, who felt left out because he didn't understand what Taemin and the Doctor were talking about, raise his voice, "Hey, what happen with Kibum actually?"
"Brain cancer and currently on the final stadium" Dr. Park replied simply, he didn't know that Kibum was hiding that thing from him, and Taemin just chewing his lips
"What? Brain cancer? You can't be serious" Jonghyun's eyes widen, he was shocked, really shocked. He never knew that Kibum was having this kind of illness.
"His time is short. He won't survive more than a month" He added
"Impossible.."
Taemin only lowered his head for the whole conversation between Dr. Park and Jonghyun, and Minho only being a good listener. Dr. Park excused himself after that, and left three of them in the hospital hallway.
"Why he never told me about this?" Jonghyun's eye become teary, he still couldn't believe that Kibum could die anytime soon.
"He never told anybody" Taemin answered
"And you know it?"
"Accidentally. Besides, I already promised him I won't tell anyone"
"I can't believe it..."
"I'm sorry hyung.."
"Since when you know about this?"
"3 years ago.. Ah, hyung, can I have a request?"
"Huh?" Jonghyun wiped the tears in the corner of his eyes
******************************
Jonghyun had promised to Taemin that he would make Kibum happy when he still had his times, he promised that he would do anything to make Kibum happy. And it was already 2 weeks since Jonghyun knew that news, he had talked with Kibum though, and Kibum just kept his mouth closed, he didn't say anything beside "It's alright, hyung. I didn't regret anything..". They were on the theme park, along with Taemin, Minho and Onew.
"Hyung.. I want to ride that roller-coaster!" Kibum exclaimed as he pointed at the biggest roller-coaster on that theme park.
"You want to kill me?" Jonghyun snapped
"Just once. Pleasee~" Kibum showed-off his puppy face
"Only once"
"Mm.." He nodded and smiled brightly. Kibum took Jonghyun's hand and dragged him to queue at the line.
Some fangirls were asking for Jonghyun's autograph or took a picture with him, and Kibum just happily took the picture for the girls.
"Kibum.. I'm tired~" Jonghyun whined. They had played the haunted-house and pirate ship after the roller coaster
"You need to do a lot of exercise then" Kibum singsong happily, he didn't look tired at all.
"I'm serious here.."
Kibum just shrugged and still walking when Taemin and Minho came bringing two cotton candies.
"Hey, wanna go to that Ferris wheel?" Kibum asked all of them, pointing the big wheel that illuminated by the lights, "After this I promise we'll go home"
"Okay" Onew answered and five of them walked into the queue, but before they reached it, Taemin grabbed Minho and Onew's hand and said,
"I want to go to buy sweets again. Accompany me~"
"But the queue wasn't long, Tae" Jonghyun replied
"Ah, you can go first. Minho hyung, Onew hyung and I will take the next one" He smiled and quickly dragged both of the dumbfounded guys with him. Minho and Onew's face was epic, but they didn't say anything.
"What do you plan?" Onew asked Taemin when they had walked out of Kibum and Jonghyun's sight.
"Kibum hyung wanted to say something to Jonghyun hyung"
"Ah.." Onew nodded
"Is he alright?" Minho asked
"Who? Kibum hyung?"
"Yeah.. He looked paler than usual since this morning"
"He's supposed to be okay" Taemin answered softly
Kibum and Jonghyun were together alone in the capsule, and when their capsule was almost reaching the highest point, Jonghyun accidentally touched Kibum's hand,
"Kibum, your hands are so cold. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine" Kibum smiled
"You're so excited today, you should take a lot of rest tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeaa.."
"Really, are you okay?" Jonghyun asked again, he’s still worried about Kibum’s condition
"I'm fine, hyung. Don't worry"
"Jjong?" Kibum said a few seconds later
"Hmm?" Jonghyun tilted his head to get a better view of Kibum's face
"Can I kiss you?"
"Hah?"
"Just once. I won't tell anyone, I promise"
Jonghyun didn't say anything more, he wrapped his arms on Kibum's waist and slowly closing any gaps between them and they kissed right when their capsule was on the top of the wheel.
Their lips met slowly, almost innocently. Jonghyun's lips felt so warm on Kibum.
"Kibum, even your lips are so cold. Are you sure you're alright?" Jonghyun said after he tasted the sweet taste on Kibum's lips for the first time.
Kibum just nodded and pressed his lips back to Jonghyun's. After a minute or so, Jonghyun felt Kibum didn't kiss him back again, but he kept his eyes shut, he just thought Kibum was giving a chance to him for dominating the kiss.
Jonghyun also felt Kibum's hand that was on his shoulder before were loosening. Jonghyun also loosen the hug at Kibum's body and slowly opened his eyes, but the time his arms lose contact with Kibum's body, he felt Kibum's body was falling, and if Jonghyun didn't have a good reflect, he was sure Kibum would hit the ground.
"Kibum?" Jonghyun asked, he was scared of that unmoving body in his embrace, "Hey, don't fooling around. It's not funny"
But Kibum still froze, he didn't move. Jonghyun cupped Kibum's cheek with both of his hands and tried to look at Kibum's eyes, "Kibum?"
And that time Jonghyun just realized that Kibum wasn't breathing anymore, his face was pale and cold.
"Kibum, don't play with me! It's not funny playing dead like this!" His tears were welling up on his eyes, he shook Kibum's shoulder repeatedly
"This can't be happening! You still have more time. It can't be now.." He still gripped Kibum's body tightly, his tears was falling down from his eyes
"Don't go.. I haven't say I love you" Jonghyun hugged the cold body tightly, not wanting to let it go, he burried his face on Kibum's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably for minutes,
"I love you, Kibum" and he gave the last kiss on Kibum's lips.
********************************************
It was three days after Kibum's death.
"Hyung, Taemin wants to see you" Minho said as he knocked Jonghyun's bedroom door few times, "He's waiting outside"
Jonghyun glanced to his left, to where his bedroom door located. He was sitting on his bed, hugging his knees, his eyes were swollen because of crying too much. After Kibum's death, Jonghyun only spent his day inside his bedroom, crying. Onew and Minho already tried to cheer him up, but Jonghyun was really impacted by Kibum's death.
He slowly stood up and walked outside his room to the front door, and Taemin was standing in front of it.
"Kibum hyung asked me to give this to you... After he's gone" Taemin said as he shoved a letter to Jonghyun's hand
"A letter?" Jonghyun looked up to meet Taemin's eyes
"Yeah. Actually, he wanted to give this to you when you're going to the theme park, but he said he didn't have courage to give it to you.. Read that when you're alone. That's what he said" He waved goodbye to Jonghyun after saying those things, he said he's in a hurry.
Jonghyun walked back to his room and sat on his bed again, carefully opening the letter. There were no sounds except Jonghyun's sobs as he read that letter.
Jjong, I know by the time you read this letter I won't be in this world anymore
I want to say that I'm really really thankful for everything you've done to me
You're the best thing that happened in my life
I'm really sorry for not telling you about my illness. Truthfully, I already know this since 4 years ago but no one except Taemin knew about this.
You already have so much things that you have to think of and your works made you stressed lately, I don't want to make you more stressed by telling you about my illness
Last night, I know you had a fight with Onew and your manager because you want to cancel the performance this day to accompany me to the theme park
I'm really thankful. I'm happy you want to do this for me even though you may just want to make me happy while I still have my time
Actually, from the moment I woke up this morning, I already felt that my time was over but I want to make my last moment as meaningful as I could
I never regret every moment we've been through even though there still a lot of things I want to share with you
If I have more time to live, I want to give my heart to you
You could make me happy, even just with your voice, your silliness, your smile
You're the happiness in my life
I haven't said this to you and I hate that I never had any courage to say this to you
I love you..
Thanks for everything
Love,
Kibum
Note : Okay, I said I want to update once a week, but i couldn't finish the story last week so i couldn't update yesterday.. so i decided to post this oneshot, hope you like it :)
comments are ♥
Pairing : Jongkey
Rating : PG-13
Genre : romance
Warning : Character death
Words count : 3014
Summary : Why you already left me before I could say I love you?
Call me if you're home :)
-Jjong
Kibum closed his phone and sighed. It had been the third message he got from Jonghyun that night. He was just went to an orphanage like usual, taking care of the children every Wednesday night, and Jonghyun already knew that his shift ended at 9 p.m, and it was just 8.30.
Not that he hated Jonghyun, not at all, but sometimes Jonghyun could be really annoying, especially when he texted something like that because Kibum knew the times Jonghyun texted him that thing, he would only say 'I ate a super delicious pasta at that restaurant' (He already said that three times already) or 'I got a knife cut on my finger T.T' (even though it's just a small, really small cut and you wouldn't notice if you didn't scan through his hands) or something like 'I bought a new perfume today' (it's still the same perfume that he uses every day, he bought a new one because the previous one had already run out) in shorter words, it wasn't an important matter.
Kibum is a social worker. He worked for a social association that is helping orphanages in Seoul. He wasn't rich but he has a really sincere heart. He loved to help people, so that he joined that social association. He met Jonghyun when a famous 3-membered boyband, SHINee (the other members are Onew and Minho) was doing a fund raising for children and that even took place at the orphanage where Kibum worked at, so Kibum was told to guide SHINee through that work. And somehow they grew closer to each other and they even exchanged number. Even though Jonghyun was an idol, Kibum never treated him differently from other people, and Jonghyun really liked this side of Kibum. Jonghyun sometimes asked Kibum to go shopping with him or having lunch together.
"Oppa, are you alright?" Soojung, a 6 years old girl asked him curiously, she had been standing behind Kibum when Kibum saw the message from Jonghyun
"I'm alright, sweetie. You should go to sleep, right?" Kibum smiled and patted that girl's head
"But I want you to read me this story" She pouted and lowered her head as she hugged a Cinderella story book
"Okay. But you have to sleep once I finish read that story to you, okay?"
"Mm.." She smiled and nodded her head enthusiastically
Kibum took the book from her hands and guided her to the girls' shared bedroom.
~
Kibum opened his apartement door and quickly took off his shoes, threw his bag to the couch and went straight to the bathroom to take a bath. He hated a sticky body after works and he always loved to take a long relaxing bath at night. When it's already 9.30 p.m, he walked out of his bathroom and sat on his bed, checking if there's a new message or not. And yes, 2 new messages from Jonghyun
Where are you? I want to talk to you
-Jjong
Already at home? Why so long? Call me
-Jjong
"Why are you so impatient?" Kibum murmured to himself but he still dialed Jonghyun's number and placed the phone to his ear, less than 5 seconds, Jonghyun already picked the phone up.
"Hello.." Kibum started
"Kibummie~" Jonghyun said with an exaggerated sad tone
"What happen?" Kibum asked while he crawled to reach his pillow and positioned it so that he could lie down comfortably
"I lost my iPad todaaaay.. Hikkkkssss" Fake sobs from Jonghyun and a sigh from Kibum
"You can still buy a new one"
"But it had a lot of my games in it"
"Oh my godness.. How old are you now?" Kibum felt like he was talking with one of those children on that orphanage. Seriously, if someone lost his iPad, who would cry for the games and not for the money he spent for buying it? Jonghyun.
"21, why?" he replied casually and Kibum wanted to hit his head to the nearest wall.
"Whatever.. I'm sleepy"
"Alright then.. Sweet dream"
"Did you just want to say you lost your iPad and you texted me numerous times?" Kibum said with an unbelieving tone
"Yeah.."
"Ah.. Good night"
"Good night.."
*******************************************
It was Friday afternoon, Kibum was working on a cafe (it's his part time job) when Jonghyun-in-disguise came to that cafe and sat on the empty seat near the counter where Kibum was preparing a drink.
"Bummie!" Jonghyun whispered, calling the honey-colored haired boy who was busy preparing a cup of vanilla latte but Kibum didn't look to his direction. He didn't ignore Jonghyun, he just didn't hear it due to the noisy sounds of the cafe.
"Kibum!" Jonghyun tried again, a bit louder than the last one. But Kibum still didn't look at his direction, maybe he was just too concentrate measuring the sugar he should put on the drink. Taemin, Kibum's best friend who happened to work at the same cafe with Kibum heard Jonghyun's voice, quickly nudged Kibum's arm and pointed at Jonghyun's direction when Kibum looked up.
Kibum just flashed him a smile and back to his work after whispering something to Taemin. Jonghyun pouted a bit when he saw Kibum's response, but he quickly hid it when Taemin walked over to him and lowered his body a little so that Jonghyun could hear him perfectly
"Hyung said his shift ended 30 more minutes, wait for a moment"
"Oh, okay then" He shrugged, "Ah, Taemin-sshi, I want one Americano, no sugar"
"Okay" Taemin walked back to the counter and inputted Jonghyun's order to the computer and made the drink for him.
Taemin knew Jonghyun. It's simple Kibum thought, Jonghyun is Kibum best friend and Taemin is Kibum's best friend too, so they should get to know each other. But Taemin never acted like a crazy-fanboy although he admitted that he was a big fan of SHINee, especially Minho.
Jonghyun waited for 30 minutes in that cafe patiently.
"What happened, hyung?" Kibum's voice startled him because he was reading a magazine that wrote about SHINee's latest interview.
"Your shift has ended?" Jonghyun looked at his watch and just realized that it was 6 p.m already
"Yeah.." Kibum sat on the opposite chair
"Oh, I want to go shopping with Onew hyung and Minho, come?" Jonghyun flipped the magazine closed and put it on the table
"Now?"
"Yep" He took his Americano and drank it
"Sure. Can I bring Taemin also?"
"Why not?" Jonghyun smirked
"Okay. I'll grab my things" Kibum got up from the chair and walked to the staff room.
***********************************
They went to the mall like their plan before, except Onew who called Jonghyun that he couldn't make it because of his musical practice.
Jonghyun and Minho was doing their 'style-change' shopping and they bought a LOT of clothes and accessories, on the other side, Taemin and Kibum were just looking around, almost not buying anything.
"I want to go to the toilet.." Kibum said as he stood up from the chair he was sitting.
"Mmm" was the only response he got from Jonghyun, Taemin and Minho.
They were sitting on the restaurant, eating some salad and other healthy food because Jonghyun and Minho couldn't take risk on being not in shape for their upcoming album.
~
"It has been 20 minutes since hyung went to toilet" Taemin said to no one in particular, they had finished their food but Kibum still hadn't came back.
"Should I look for him?" Jonghyun offered
"I'll do it" Taemin stood up and grab his bag. Jonghyun only nodded and he started talking to Minho when Taemin had walked out.
15 more minutes, Minho asked Jonghyun to go back home, because he wanted to watch a soccer match that would be aired at 10.
"Where's Taemin? He said he only wanted to look for Kibum" Minho asked, "The toilet is right near. Why he is so long?"
"I'll call him" Jonghyun took out his phone.
"Hello.." Taemin answered the call after Jonghyun's third call, he didn't pick up that previous two
"Tae, where are you?" Jonghyun asked, a bit irritated
"Umm.. Hospital" He answered slowly
"What?"
"Actually... Kibum hyung fainted when I found him in the toilet.." Taemin explained, there was a sign of unsure in his tone
"Why you didn't call us or something?"
"It's... Complicated hyung. I'm sorry.."
"Which hospital are you now? I'll come there"
"Seoul International Hospital"
Jonghyun hurriedly drove to the hospital with Minho following him. He found Taemin was sitting in front of the emergency room
"Tae.." Jonghyun called
"Hyung.." Taemin stood up from his seat, his face showed that he was really worried,
"What happen actually?"
"He.." Before Taemin finished his words, the doctor came out from the room, so Taemin hurriedly walked closer to the doctor
"How's his condition?" Taemin asked
"Worse. He never does that treatment, does he?" Dr. Park replied, his face was showing worry too, and that made Jonghyun more anxious
"Yeah.. He didn't want to do it"
"Why? It's only make him suffer more.."
"I don't know either.."
Jonghyun, who felt left out because he didn't understand what Taemin and the Doctor were talking about, raise his voice, "Hey, what happen with Kibum actually?"
"Brain cancer and currently on the final stadium" Dr. Park replied simply, he didn't know that Kibum was hiding that thing from him, and Taemin just chewing his lips
"What? Brain cancer? You can't be serious" Jonghyun's eyes widen, he was shocked, really shocked. He never knew that Kibum was having this kind of illness.
"His time is short. He won't survive more than a month" He added
"Impossible.."
Taemin only lowered his head for the whole conversation between Dr. Park and Jonghyun, and Minho only being a good listener. Dr. Park excused himself after that, and left three of them in the hospital hallway.
"Why he never told me about this?" Jonghyun's eye become teary, he still couldn't believe that Kibum could die anytime soon.
"He never told anybody" Taemin answered
"And you know it?"
"Accidentally. Besides, I already promised him I won't tell anyone"
"I can't believe it..."
"I'm sorry hyung.."
"Since when you know about this?"
"3 years ago.. Ah, hyung, can I have a request?"
"Huh?" Jonghyun wiped the tears in the corner of his eyes
******************************
Jonghyun had promised to Taemin that he would make Kibum happy when he still had his times, he promised that he would do anything to make Kibum happy. And it was already 2 weeks since Jonghyun knew that news, he had talked with Kibum though, and Kibum just kept his mouth closed, he didn't say anything beside "It's alright, hyung. I didn't regret anything..". They were on the theme park, along with Taemin, Minho and Onew.
"Hyung.. I want to ride that roller-coaster!" Kibum exclaimed as he pointed at the biggest roller-coaster on that theme park.
"You want to kill me?" Jonghyun snapped
"Just once. Pleasee~" Kibum showed-off his puppy face
"Only once"
"Mm.." He nodded and smiled brightly. Kibum took Jonghyun's hand and dragged him to queue at the line.
Some fangirls were asking for Jonghyun's autograph or took a picture with him, and Kibum just happily took the picture for the girls.
"Kibum.. I'm tired~" Jonghyun whined. They had played the haunted-house and pirate ship after the roller coaster
"You need to do a lot of exercise then" Kibum singsong happily, he didn't look tired at all.
"I'm serious here.."
Kibum just shrugged and still walking when Taemin and Minho came bringing two cotton candies.
"Hey, wanna go to that Ferris wheel?" Kibum asked all of them, pointing the big wheel that illuminated by the lights, "After this I promise we'll go home"
"Okay" Onew answered and five of them walked into the queue, but before they reached it, Taemin grabbed Minho and Onew's hand and said,
"I want to go to buy sweets again. Accompany me~"
"But the queue wasn't long, Tae" Jonghyun replied
"Ah, you can go first. Minho hyung, Onew hyung and I will take the next one" He smiled and quickly dragged both of the dumbfounded guys with him. Minho and Onew's face was epic, but they didn't say anything.
"What do you plan?" Onew asked Taemin when they had walked out of Kibum and Jonghyun's sight.
"Kibum hyung wanted to say something to Jonghyun hyung"
"Ah.." Onew nodded
"Is he alright?" Minho asked
"Who? Kibum hyung?"
"Yeah.. He looked paler than usual since this morning"
"He's supposed to be okay" Taemin answered softly
Kibum and Jonghyun were together alone in the capsule, and when their capsule was almost reaching the highest point, Jonghyun accidentally touched Kibum's hand,
"Kibum, your hands are so cold. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine" Kibum smiled
"You're so excited today, you should take a lot of rest tomorrow, okay?"
"Yeaa.."
"Really, are you okay?" Jonghyun asked again, he’s still worried about Kibum’s condition
"I'm fine, hyung. Don't worry"
"Jjong?" Kibum said a few seconds later
"Hmm?" Jonghyun tilted his head to get a better view of Kibum's face
"Can I kiss you?"
"Hah?"
"Just once. I won't tell anyone, I promise"
Jonghyun didn't say anything more, he wrapped his arms on Kibum's waist and slowly closing any gaps between them and they kissed right when their capsule was on the top of the wheel.
Their lips met slowly, almost innocently. Jonghyun's lips felt so warm on Kibum.
"Kibum, even your lips are so cold. Are you sure you're alright?" Jonghyun said after he tasted the sweet taste on Kibum's lips for the first time.
Kibum just nodded and pressed his lips back to Jonghyun's. After a minute or so, Jonghyun felt Kibum didn't kiss him back again, but he kept his eyes shut, he just thought Kibum was giving a chance to him for dominating the kiss.
Jonghyun also felt Kibum's hand that was on his shoulder before were loosening. Jonghyun also loosen the hug at Kibum's body and slowly opened his eyes, but the time his arms lose contact with Kibum's body, he felt Kibum's body was falling, and if Jonghyun didn't have a good reflect, he was sure Kibum would hit the ground.
"Kibum?" Jonghyun asked, he was scared of that unmoving body in his embrace, "Hey, don't fooling around. It's not funny"
But Kibum still froze, he didn't move. Jonghyun cupped Kibum's cheek with both of his hands and tried to look at Kibum's eyes, "Kibum?"
And that time Jonghyun just realized that Kibum wasn't breathing anymore, his face was pale and cold.
"Kibum, don't play with me! It's not funny playing dead like this!" His tears were welling up on his eyes, he shook Kibum's shoulder repeatedly
"This can't be happening! You still have more time. It can't be now.." He still gripped Kibum's body tightly, his tears was falling down from his eyes
"Don't go.. I haven't say I love you" Jonghyun hugged the cold body tightly, not wanting to let it go, he burried his face on Kibum's shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably for minutes,
"I love you, Kibum" and he gave the last kiss on Kibum's lips.
********************************************
It was three days after Kibum's death.
"Hyung, Taemin wants to see you" Minho said as he knocked Jonghyun's bedroom door few times, "He's waiting outside"
Jonghyun glanced to his left, to where his bedroom door located. He was sitting on his bed, hugging his knees, his eyes were swollen because of crying too much. After Kibum's death, Jonghyun only spent his day inside his bedroom, crying. Onew and Minho already tried to cheer him up, but Jonghyun was really impacted by Kibum's death.
He slowly stood up and walked outside his room to the front door, and Taemin was standing in front of it.
"Kibum hyung asked me to give this to you... After he's gone" Taemin said as he shoved a letter to Jonghyun's hand
"A letter?" Jonghyun looked up to meet Taemin's eyes
"Yeah. Actually, he wanted to give this to you when you're going to the theme park, but he said he didn't have courage to give it to you.. Read that when you're alone. That's what he said" He waved goodbye to Jonghyun after saying those things, he said he's in a hurry.
Jonghyun walked back to his room and sat on his bed again, carefully opening the letter. There were no sounds except Jonghyun's sobs as he read that letter.
Jjong, I know by the time you read this letter I won't be in this world anymore
I want to say that I'm really really thankful for everything you've done to me
You're the best thing that happened in my life
I'm really sorry for not telling you about my illness. Truthfully, I already know this since 4 years ago but no one except Taemin knew about this.
You already have so much things that you have to think of and your works made you stressed lately, I don't want to make you more stressed by telling you about my illness
Last night, I know you had a fight with Onew and your manager because you want to cancel the performance this day to accompany me to the theme park
I'm really thankful. I'm happy you want to do this for me even though you may just want to make me happy while I still have my time
Actually, from the moment I woke up this morning, I already felt that my time was over but I want to make my last moment as meaningful as I could
I never regret every moment we've been through even though there still a lot of things I want to share with you
If I have more time to live, I want to give my heart to you
You could make me happy, even just with your voice, your silliness, your smile
You're the happiness in my life
I haven't said this to you and I hate that I never had any courage to say this to you
I love you..
Thanks for everything
Love,
Kibum
Note : Okay, I said I want to update once a week, but i couldn't finish the story last week so i couldn't update yesterday.. so i decided to post this oneshot, hope you like it :)
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