Darling Demure (1a/1b)
rating: nc-17
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~11,500 wc. oneshot, but split into two posts because of lj's word limit.
summary: changmin is shy but yoochun likes that about him. and he likes everything else, too.
Changmin was shy. He was shy about almost everything about his person. When his height shot up suddenly, he couldn’t figure out how to carry himself. He slouched inwards as if trying to hide all the added inches that he didn’t know what do with. He was shy about his lips. He thought they were too wide and totally unattractive. Changmin was shy about his eyes which were uneven when he laughed. He was even conscious of his voice, which was drier than Jaejoong’s and, he thought, less melodious than Junsu’s. Even if everyone around Changmin told him his height made him look like a model, his mouth was fine, his eyes were his most adorable trait, and his voice were incredible, he still felt shy.
But, when he was alone with his band members and not on stage, the thing that made Changmin the most self-conscious of all was his inexperience with relationships. Where he could usually be the most educated, most well-read sounding person in the group no matter what the topic, when the other four began talking about relationships, Changmin had no way to contribute. Junsu started talking to Yoochun about girlfriends, and then, eventually, Yunho and Jaejoong started talking about boyfriends as they skirted around each other for months on end. In any scenario, Changmin would only watch silently as they made jokes and references he could never understand, and eventually leave the scene, unable to participate in their merry-making.
“Where are you going, Changminnie?” Yoochun asked.
“Gee, I’m heading toward the door that says ‘Changmin and Yunho’s room’ so I must be headed to fucking Narnia.”
Yoochun laughed. He was the only one who always laughed no matter how rude Changmin was.
“Changmin-ah, that’s not very nice. Yoochun was just asking a question,” Yunho chided.
Changmin didn’t have it in him to keep up a fight tonight. “Sorry. Good night.”
Jaejoong stared after him and poked Junsu’s stomach. “What’s up with him?”
Junsu whined in annoyance and elbowed Jaejoong in retaliation. “Who knows? He’s a mystery, that kid.”
“A mystery?” Yoochun wondered aloud. “I doubt it. He’s just shy.”
Yunho, Jaejoong, and Junsu, who did not understand the meaning of shy, soon lost interest in the incident and continued talking.
Yoochun was kind. Changmin liked that about him. He also liked that Yoochun wasn’t clingy or nosy, like Yunho or Jaejoong, and he was capable of giving all his attention to Changmin when Changmin needed someone to talk to, unlike Junsu. He was, Changmin realized with somewhat of a shock, sort of perfect to talk to. And be with. And not bad to look at.
No, wait, what? Changmin shook himself out of his current train of thought and tried to focus on on the three bandmates in front of him, and not the one sitting beside him in their usual formation. He tried to concentrate on what Yunho was saying to the camera. Changmin nodded along, not hearing anything. He felt a gentle hand on his knee. Yoochun was looking at him, ignoring the camera, head tilted to one side and brows pulled together in a question: Are you alright?
Changmin nodded, and Yoochun removed his hand. Yoochun understood Changmin’s limited tolerance for physical contact, and he never overstayed his welcome.
At home, Junsu was sitting at the table drinking juice, texting his brother and rambling about his girl problems as Jaejoong cooked dinner. Changmin listened from the living room couch, where he was pretending to read a book. Yunho wandered in after a shower, still shirtless. He passed by Changmin’s reclining figure without so much as a glance and went straight to Jaejoong, giving him a back hug. Jaejoong made a sound of delight and twisted his head back to peck Yunho’s lips.
Junsu took no notice as he sucked on his juice straw and laughed at messages from Junho.
“Go put on a shirt!” Jaejoong giggled, slapping Yunho lightly on the arm with his spatula.
Yunho was an idiot when he was lovestruck, Changmin noticed. He couldn’t even respond to Jaejoong’s smiles and laughs and charms with words. He only giggled and kept hugging Jaejoong.
“They’re so gross,” Yoochun said, smiling. He’d finally emerged from the music room. Changmin looked up at him and nodded in agreement. “Pick up your feet, Changminnie. Let hyung sit with you.”
Re-focusing on his book, Changmin obeyed. Yoochun plopped down onto the couch and Changmin let his legs fall back into Yoochun’s lap.
From the kitchen, Junsu’s voice kept whining. “I want to go on more dates with her. What should I do?”
“Go on more dates with her,” Jaejoong said.
“You know I can’t!” Junsu said.
“So don’t go on more dates with her,” Yunho said. It was rare for him to be joking around like this. He was usually always offering serious advice whether someone wanted it or not.
“Ugh!” Junsu gave up on Yunho and Jaejoong for advice and then left the room to call his brother.
Yoochun was resting on the couch with his eyes closed, smiling as he listened to the conversation. Changmin observed him briefly and then gave up on reading his book. He closed it and let it drop to the floor and then tried to rest his eyes too. He must have dozed off because next thing he knows, he’s waking up in his bed, warm and well-rested, but hungry. There’s a note on his bedside table that tells him his portions of food are still in the fridge.
Slightly annoyed at his own inability to eat on time and sleep on time, Changmin padded down to the kitchen. Unsurprisingly, Yoochun was there. He sipped silently at a glass of milk.
“Hey Changminnie.”
Changmin got his food out of the fridge and sat down with Yoochun. “Hey yourself.”
Yoochun laughed. Changmin didn’t get it. He didn’t even say anything funny, but Yoochun always laughed at his remarks, jokes, wit-whatever you wanted to call it.
“How’s the food?”
“Good as always,” Changmin mumbled over a mouthful.
“You should tell Jaejoong. He loves hearing your praise.”
“I do tell him.”
“Yeah, well, he can’t really get enough of it, can he?”
Changmin chuckled. “I guess not. He’s kind of-”
“-An attention whore.”
They were silent for a beat, then both stuffed their fists against their mouths to stifle their loud laughter.
“So,” Changmin said, “why are you up anyways? Can’t sleep again?”
“Yeah, though even if I could, I’m not going back into my room.”
“Why not?”
“Ugh, Yunho and Jaejoong are using it as their love nest right now.”
Changmin raised an eyebrow. “The Yunjae president doesn’t want in on the action?”
“Spare me.”
Changmin laughed. “Well, if Yunho’s in there, you can just use his bed in our room. You don’t need to sleep on the couch.”
Yoochun smiled. “Thanks Changminnie. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”
Under normal circumstances, Changmin would’ve immediately retorted with something rude like because you’re dumb or worse, but he kept his mouth shut. There weren’t normal circumstances. Or, they were, kind of, because it wasn’t the first time Yoochun and Changmin ended up having a midnight snack together. But, it was the first time that Changmin was feeling a weird nervousness at having invited Yoochun into his room.
Changmin groaned inwardly as he realized that this was just another thing to add to his ever growing list of things he felt shy about. He hated it, really. For once, he wanted to feel confident. He wanted to feel like he was sure of something.
“Changminnie? You still with me?” Yoochun asked gently. He always spoke so gently to Changmin, and yet, somehow, never offered unwanted sympathy.
“Yeah.”
“You done eating? Let’s go to bed.”
Changmin gulped. The way Yoochun said it-Let’s go to bed-like they were lovers or something-it made Changmin’s recently ingested meal churn in his stomach.
When they reached the room, Changmin flopped down onto his bed and balled himself up in his blankets. After a few minutes, Yoochun was nudging him over.
“Can’t you sleep in Yunho’s bed?” Changmin asked groggily.
“Move over. I’m sharing with you. In case he comes back.”
Changmin sighed. They both knew Yunho was not coming back if he was spending the night with Jaejoong. But Changmin allowed it anyways. He moved to the edge of the bed and Yoochun joined him. His body was icy.
“Shit, Yoochun, why are you so cold?”
“I don’t know! It’s not my fault.”
Taking pity on Yoochun, Changmin suppressed his dislike for excessive touchiness and slung an arm around Yoochun’s waist.
“Thanks,” Yoochun mumbled.
“Shut up and sleep,” Changmin said. Yoochun laughed. He always laughed for Changmin.
Usually when Yoochun cried, he went to Jaejoong. Jaejoong was good about those things. He could remain calm and collected when Yoochun was frenzied and wrecked with emotion. Jaejoong would let Yoochun cry it out, make him something warm to eat, and stroke his back gently, crooning assurances that it was okay.
But now, Jaejoong wasn’t here. He, Yunho, and Junsu were out shopping and Changmin was the only one at home with Yoochun, who was sobbing. Changmin could hear him. He wondered why Yoochun didn’t approach. Then he realized that he might not want to bother Changmin with this because he didn’t know if Changmin would be as available for the role of emotional comforter. Slightly offended at the possible scenario, Changmin shut his book and rose from his desk.
He found Yoochun in his and Jaejoong’s shared room, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. His knees were drawn into his chest and his head was resting against them.
“Yoochun…what’s wrong?”
Yoochun couldn’t respond. He looked up, and what Changmin saw made all the blood drain out of his face. Yoochun’s face was streaked with tears and his eyes were filled with agony. Unable to think of anything else, Changmin rushed to his side.
“What’s wrong? You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m just sad, Changminnie. I’m sorry…I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Shut up, idiot. It’s okay to cry.”
Amazingly, but somehow unsurprisingly, Yoochun laughed. The happy noise seemed to make the room brighter.
“It’s okay to cry,” Changmin repeated, “but it’s not okay to cry alone. Not when I’m right here.”
Yoochun sniffled and nodded. He held out his arms, as if asking permission, and Changmin sidled closer. Yoochun’s arms wound around Changmin’s waist, and Changmin didn’t protest.
“You’re not bad at this. Why did I think you’d be terrible at comforting a crying person?” Yoochun mumbled. His voice was still thick with tears.
“I’m not a monster. Just because I’m not touchy or whatever doesn’t mean I’m heartless. My little sisters cried sometimes. I dealt with them just fine.”
Yoochun looked up. His eyes were unreadable. “I hope you’re not thinking of me as a sister right now.”
Changmin couldn’t help it-he laughed. Then, in an act of complete daring, he wiped away Yoochun’s tears with his fingers. “Trust me, that is not how I think of you.”
“Then how do you think of me?” Yoochun’s voice was hardly above a whisper.
A long silence stretched between them. Changmin could feel his face heating. He could feel himself blushing. He tried to formulate the real answer. He didn’t want to lie, but he was too shy to tell the truth. But what was the truth?
“Changminnie?”
“Not a sister.”
“What?”
“I think of you as…not a sister. A brother. Bandmate.” Changmin cursed himself inwardly for being a coward. What was he afraid of? Well, rejection. And Yoochun being disgusted at him. And Yoochun laughing at him because Changmin was just an inexperienced, geeky kid with a stupid crush.
“Oh.” Yoochun smiled. “I see. Well, I’m glad. We’ve gotten closer, haven’t we? Our little family.”
“Mm.”
“Thanks, Changminnie. For being here.”
“Yeah.” Changmin rubbed Yoochun’s shoulder roughly. “Of course.”
“We’re home!” Jaejoong called loudly. “We bought you guys stuff since you’re too lazy to spend your day off doing anything outside the house!”
Yoochun laughed and extricated himself from Changmin’s comforting hold. “Let’s go see what they got us?”
“Okay.” Changmin smiled with one corner of his mouth and followed Yoochun out of the room.
After a long, restful sleep, Changmin slowly opened his eyes. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but it would soon. The world was quiet and his body was wonderfully relaxed.
“You say the craziest things in your sleep,” Yoochun said.
Startled, Changmin nearly fell out of the bed. Yoochun caught him by the waist and hauled him back in, smiling. “You didn’t know?”
“I…my family might have mentioned it. What are you doing in here?”
“Yunho and Jaejoong were being disgusting again. I couldn’t stay in there!”
Changmin laughed. “Fair enough. But why are you always in my bed?”
“Because you’re warm.”
“Get a heater.”
“I like you better.”
Changmin snorted and turned onto his side, ready for another few hours of rest before he had to get up. “Whatever, hyung.”
Yoochun was apparently feeling very playful because he jumped onto Changmin’s exposed side and dug his chin into Changmin’s shoulder.
“Don’t go to sleep while I’m talking to you!”
“Why don’t you go back to sleep, too? And let me rest in peace?”
“I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept all night.”
Changmin’s eyes shot open. He looked at Yoochun seriously. “You…haven’t slept? It’s almost sunrise! We have a freaking concert tonight!”
“I know.”
“What were you doing all night?” Changmin asked incredulously.
“Watching you sleep.”
Oh, that gets him. Changmin melts under his sheets. Sighing, he scoots over and motions to Yoochun to lie next to him.
“What did I talk about in my sleep?”
Yoochun gives him an odd look with furrowed brows and a half-smile. “You said random things. Foods you wanted to eat, characters in books you thought were stupid.” Yoochun chuckled. “You’re really well read.”
“What else?”
“You talked about us. You told Yunho to hurry up in the shower. You told Junsu to shut up several times. You also asked Jaejoong if he was going to get his dick pierced. That was funny.”
“And?”
“And you said nice things about me.”
“Oh.” Changmin gulped.
“You said that I could cry if I wanted to, and that I’m cute.”
“Of course you are. You’re our dandy boy. You have to be cute. Especially since I’m not.”
Yoochun rolled his eyes and snuggled closer to Changmin. Changmin could hardly breathe. “Of course you’re cute.”
“Shut up. I’m not cute.” Changmin didn’t know why he was being so impertinent. He could feel his body tensing up. He shrunk into himself under the covers. Yoochun pulled them down to Changmin’s shoulders.
“You have mismatched eyes. You look young and innocent. You have the sweetest voice. You are cute.”
“Shut up, Yoochun. Seriously.”
“What’s wrong? Why don’t you like it when people compliment you?”
“Because they’re lying! I’m not any of those things! I’m just…ugh…”
Yoochun looked shocked. Hesitantly, he slung an arm loosely around Changmin’s shoulders and began to stroke his hair.
“Is this okay?” he asked. Changmin nodded. He loved that Yoochun asked. Yoochun never did anything Changmin wouldn’t like.
“I’m sorry if what I said made you uncomfortable. But I can promise you I’m not lying.”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, hyung. I just don’t…feel good about myself. And god, I can usually ignore it…but you talking about it…and before the sun’s even come up. I don’t like the way it feels.”
“I know you’re shy, Changmin. And that’s okay. But it’s not okay to dislike yourself this much.”
“What do I do about it?”
“I don’t know, Changminnie. What would help?”
Changmin fell silent. He knew what would help, but he couldn’t say it.
“Changmin-ah…please talk to me. I know you don’t like it when people are nosy, but…I can’t not be concerned about you anymore.”
“If...if I liked someone…and they liked me back-flaws and all-then, maybe…maybe I could feel better.”
The sun began to rise. Faint noises were coming from the kitchen as Jaejoong began preparing their breakfast and Yunho helped him.. Junsu’s footsteps padded down the hallway toward the shower. They would have to be getting ready for rehearsal soon.
“Changminnie…tell the others what happened. Don’t let them wake me up until we absolutely have to leave. Let me rest…” Yoochun’s eyes closed and his breathing evened out. Changmin watched him fondly.
Yoochun’s face wasn’t perfect. There were acne scars on his cheeks. His lips were dry and chapped. His eyebrows were unruly. But Changmin loved seeing his face this close anyways. He felt an overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss that slack mouth, but resisted. Instead, he slowly got out of the bed and dressed for the day.
Post-concert highs were incomparable in their glory. Changmin felt like he could conquer the world. He felt like he already had. The after party passed in a blur and the ride home was more fun than anything Changmin could remember doing. They were sweaty and gross and kind of tipsy from the after party as they recounted every moment from that flawless night. In the backseat, Yoochun slipped his hand into Changmin’s. When Changmin didn’t move to take his hand away, Yoochun held onto it the whole ride home.
When they got back to their dorm, they stumbled inside still laughing, still joking, still feeling higher than ever. Changmin and Yoochun fell into the loveseat, squished together in the narrow space. Junsu plopped onto the couch, and Yunho joined him after he and Jaejoong returned from the fridge with five beers. Jaejoong handed them out and then settled down on Yunho’s lap.
Normally, the other three told Yunho and Jaejoong to keep their gross PDA to themselves, but tonight was an exception. Everyone was in high spirits, and their passionate displays were bolstered by raucous cheers and wolf whistles.
“We did an amazing job tonight. I’m really proud of all of us,” Yunho beamed. It was important to him that he say something to his bandmates when it was just the five of them. No other staff, no managers. Just them.
Jaejoong, from his position on Yunho’s lap, nodded in agreement. “You were all amazing. We’re the best there’ll ever be.” The other four cheered in agreement. Jaejoong twisted around and caressed Yunho’s face. “And you were sexy as fuck up there, Yunho-sama.” Yunho grinned stupidly-like, really idiotically-and Jaejoong kissed him. Yoochun whooped and Changmin whistled. Junsu laughed and clapped as Yunho locked lips with Jaejoong and ran his hands under Jaejoong’s shirt.
When they finally broke away, they had the good grace to blush. Jaejoong’s smile was a smile only the happiest man on earth could smile. Yunho kissed him again. Then, wrapping his arms tightly around Jaejoong, he rose from the couch and walked them to Jaejoong’s bedroom as the other three cheered them on.
“Looks like I’m sharing with you again tonight, Changminnie.”
Junsu had already fallen asleep on the couch. Changmin rolled his eyes and put a blanket over him, then followed Yoochun to what Changmin had come to think of as their room.
Even though Changmin was exhausted beyond belief, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep unless he showered. He grabbed a towel from his drawer then walked into the bathroom and stripped naked and examined himself in the mirror. His hair was frizzy from having been drenched in sweat and dried in the night air. His cheeks were still red from all the exertion of the performance. And best of all, his gym sessions were starting to pay off in the form of defined arms, pectoral muscles, and the faintest hint of defined abdominal muscles.
Changmin stood outside the tub as he waited for the water to heat up. He got lost in thought until he heard the bathroom door open and close behind him. He turned around to see Yoochun taking his clothes off and dumping them into the hamper.
They had showered together before, of course, but usually, necessity drove them to do so. Like if they had fifteen minutes to get ready before they had to be in the van for a schedule. Not when they had the next twenty-four hours off and could afford to shower separately.
“What are you doing?” Changmin asked.
“I’m exhausted and I want to shower before I sleep. And I don’t want to wait for you. You take forever when you can.”
It was true. When Changmin didn’t have to shower in under five minutes, he could stay in there for twenty and just think by himself, in peace. He stuck his hand under the water and found its temperature perfectly hot. Pulling back the shower curtain, he stepped in and got under the shower head. Yoochun joined him and nudged him to the side so he could rinse off as well.
“I don’t like showering with you. You hog the warm water.” Changmin pouted.
“Well then just stand closer,” Yoochun said, scrubbing his skin with a soapy loofah.
Changmin examined the space between him and Yoochun. It was not a lot. Swallowing thickly, Changmin stepped closer to Yoochun’s body. His left side was now under the shower spray. It left his right side freezing, so he took another step. His leg was now pressed up against Yoochun’s, but at least he wasn’t freezing.
“Want me to wash your back for you?” Yoochun asked. He was grinning that sleazy grin of his.
Changmin eyed him warily. He did want that, but he was afraid of all the intimacy. He wasn’t used to it.
“Changminnie?”
“Yeah. Yes please.”
“Alright, then turn around.” Yoochun murmured.
Changmin turned around. Yoochun’s hands began to lather the soap across Changmin’s back. He swept his hands across Changmin’s shoulder blades, then down his spine, then dug his thumbs into Changmin’s lower back, massaging the aching muscles there.
“Ah…”
“Feel good?” Yoochun asked.
“Yeah. It’s been aching a lot.” Changmin leaned his forearms against the slippery tiled wall.
“I know it has.” Yoochun’s hands kept working his skin. They swept across his hips. The trailed lower, almost reaching Changmin’s butt.
“S-stop,” Changmin stammered. “I can do the rest myself.”
“Okay.” Yoochun took his hands off and reached for the shampoo. Changmin cursed inwardly as he noticed he had a totally inappropriate erection. He didn’t want Yoochun to see it but there was no way out, really.
After Yoochun was done using it, Changmin reached for the shampoo bottle. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Yoochun glance downwards. He’d noticed! Changmin felt his face heat up with horrible embarrassment. He wanted to hide his face in his hands.
“Need help with that?” Yoochun asked. His voice was light but not light enough to be entirely joking.
“What? Huh?” Changmin sputtered. “N-no. That’s okay. It’ll, uh, go away. Oh, god…” He was mortified.
“It’s okay, Changminnie. It happens sometimes. Trust me, I know.” Yoochun gave him a winning smile. He rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. “I’ll see you in our room.”
Changmin nodded, grateful for his non-intrusive manner. If he had been in the shower with Jaejoong…god, he’d never hear the end of this incident. But Yoochun could take things easily. He could be casual and not freak out. Changmin really liked that about him.
He dried off and went to his room and put on a pair of pajamas. Yoochun did the same and added a t-shirt. Exhausted, they climbed into Changmin’s bed together.
Changmin vaguely wondered if the other three knew that he and Yoochun had been sharing a bed almost every night for the past several weeks. He felt Yoochun’s arm snake around his waist. In a rare initiation of affection, Changmin snuggled closer to his bandmate, tucking his head under Yoochun’s chin. Under his cheek, he felt Yoochun’s neck rise and fall as he swallowed thickly.
“Great job today, Changminnie.”
“You too. I thought you were going to pass out halfway through. I was kind of worried.”
Yoochun began to trace patterns along Changmin’s back. “Thanks for worrying. I was kind of dizzy.”
“Be careful.”
“I’m still kind of dizzy,” Yoochun said, laughing hoarsely.
Changmin smiled into Yoochun’s collarbone. “Then sleep.”
“Don’t know if I can.”
“Try.”
“I-alright.”
Several minutes passed in silence. Changmin tried to relax, but he was still mortified at what had occurred in the shower. He tried to focus on the warmth of Yoochun’s freshly-showered, still-damp, really-pleasant-smelling body, but it just made him want to close his eyes and nose along Yoochun’s exposed neck. Changmin tried to focus on the warmth of the down comforter but he could only think of how it was covering them both. About how they were in the same bed.
“Changminnie?”
“Hm?”
“I don’t think I can do this much longer.”
“What?” Changmin tried to pull back to look at Yoochun but was held in place by Yoochun’s arms winding around him and holding Changmin to his chest.
“Promise me you won’t hate me after I say this.”
“Uh, ok. I promise.”
Yoochun’s voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke into the dark. “I like you, Changminnie.”
“What?” Changmin asked, face flushing.
“I like you.”
“Oh…”
“And you? How do you feel? About me?”
“Well, I uh…”
Yoochun hugged him tighter. Changmin was trapped with his cheek pressed against Yoochun’s chest, but it was a trap he felt no desire to escape from.
“Please, Changmin. This isn’t easy for me. Just tell me how you feel and I can move on.”
“Stop. I can’t. I…ugh.” Changmin buried his face further into the fabric of Yoochun’s shirt. His fingers clutched at the material and held on tight.
“You can’t…why?”
“I’m shy. Because I’m shy.”
“I know you are. I like that about you, too.”
“Hyung.” Changmin was almost whining. Pleading. Slowly, Yoochun unwound his arms. He placed a hand on Changmin’s shoulder and gently pushed him to lay flat on the bed. Supporting himself on his elbows, Yoochun leaned over him and began to stroke Changmin’s damp hair.
“I like you, Changmin. I might even love you.”
Changmin moved his mouth around words he couldn’t say. His heart was pounding. He wanted, but he didn’t know how to ask. Then, Yoochun twined his fingers with Changmin’s hand as it lay limp on the bed. Changmin squeezed Yoochun’s hand and nodded. Yoochun smiled a winning smile and leaned down so their foreheads were brushing.
“Oh…” Changmin was more than a little breathless.
“Changmin?”
“Yes?”
Yoochun kissed him. Just a brief press of his lips against Changmin’s but it made Changmin’s heart thump wildly. Too soon, Yoochun pulled back.
“Was that okay?”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to kiss you again. Kiss me back if you like it.”
Yoochun kissed him again, this time with a slight increase in pressure. Changmin moved his mouth against Yoochun’s lips. He wasn’t entirely sure of what he was doing, but Yoochun groaned, and that was encouragement enough. Changmin slanted his mouth and curled his lips against Yoochun’s.
“So you do like me, then,” Yoochun said, giggling.
“Shut up.”
“Ah, there he is.” Yoochun stroked Changmin’s face fondly. “Are you really okay with this? You have to tell me explicitly that this is okay otherwise I’m going to feel like I’m taking advantage of you or something.”
Changmin swallowed and took a deep breath. He was shit at emotional stuff like this. But he wanted it. “Yoochun-hyung,” he began shakily. “I like you too, so yeah, you can kiss me.”
“And can I be your boyfriend?”
“Wh-what? Uh, yeah. I guess. Ugh.”
“You don’t sound very excited,” Yoochun teased.
“Shut up. God shut up you complete bastard.”
Yoochun laughed and settled his body on top of Changmin’s. “I don’t know if this relationship is going to work if you’re so hesitant to talk about your emotions.”
Changmin clutched Yoochun’s hands tighter. “I’m. I’m sorry. You know I’m awful at this. Why do you even like me? God I hate you.”
“Wanna try that again?” Yoochun took Changmin’s face in his hands and searched his eyes.
“I like you.”
“That’s better.” Yoochun rewarded his boyfriend with a kiss.
Neither of them were able to sleep much that night. They were too excited with their newfound intimacy. Instead of sleep, Yoochun and Changmin opted for cuddling under the comforter, exchanging kisses and just talking about anything and everything.
Changmin eventually drifted off. Yoochun kissed his nose and followed him into restful, dreamless sleep.
part 2
pairing: yoochun/changmin
length: ~11,500 wc. oneshot, but split into two posts because of lj's word limit.
summary: changmin is shy but yoochun likes that about him. and he likes everything else, too.
Changmin was shy. He was shy about almost everything about his person. When his height shot up suddenly, he couldn’t figure out how to carry himself. He slouched inwards as if trying to hide all the added inches that he didn’t know what do with. He was shy about his lips. He thought they were too wide and totally unattractive. Changmin was shy about his eyes which were uneven when he laughed. He was even conscious of his voice, which was drier than Jaejoong’s and, he thought, less melodious than Junsu’s. Even if everyone around Changmin told him his height made him look like a model, his mouth was fine, his eyes were his most adorable trait, and his voice were incredible, he still felt shy.
But, when he was alone with his band members and not on stage, the thing that made Changmin the most self-conscious of all was his inexperience with relationships. Where he could usually be the most educated, most well-read sounding person in the group no matter what the topic, when the other four began talking about relationships, Changmin had no way to contribute. Junsu started talking to Yoochun about girlfriends, and then, eventually, Yunho and Jaejoong started talking about boyfriends as they skirted around each other for months on end. In any scenario, Changmin would only watch silently as they made jokes and references he could never understand, and eventually leave the scene, unable to participate in their merry-making.
“Where are you going, Changminnie?” Yoochun asked.
“Gee, I’m heading toward the door that says ‘Changmin and Yunho’s room’ so I must be headed to fucking Narnia.”
Yoochun laughed. He was the only one who always laughed no matter how rude Changmin was.
“Changmin-ah, that’s not very nice. Yoochun was just asking a question,” Yunho chided.
Changmin didn’t have it in him to keep up a fight tonight. “Sorry. Good night.”
Jaejoong stared after him and poked Junsu’s stomach. “What’s up with him?”
Junsu whined in annoyance and elbowed Jaejoong in retaliation. “Who knows? He’s a mystery, that kid.”
“A mystery?” Yoochun wondered aloud. “I doubt it. He’s just shy.”
Yunho, Jaejoong, and Junsu, who did not understand the meaning of shy, soon lost interest in the incident and continued talking.
Yoochun was kind. Changmin liked that about him. He also liked that Yoochun wasn’t clingy or nosy, like Yunho or Jaejoong, and he was capable of giving all his attention to Changmin when Changmin needed someone to talk to, unlike Junsu. He was, Changmin realized with somewhat of a shock, sort of perfect to talk to. And be with. And not bad to look at.
No, wait, what? Changmin shook himself out of his current train of thought and tried to focus on on the three bandmates in front of him, and not the one sitting beside him in their usual formation. He tried to concentrate on what Yunho was saying to the camera. Changmin nodded along, not hearing anything. He felt a gentle hand on his knee. Yoochun was looking at him, ignoring the camera, head tilted to one side and brows pulled together in a question: Are you alright?
Changmin nodded, and Yoochun removed his hand. Yoochun understood Changmin’s limited tolerance for physical contact, and he never overstayed his welcome.
At home, Junsu was sitting at the table drinking juice, texting his brother and rambling about his girl problems as Jaejoong cooked dinner. Changmin listened from the living room couch, where he was pretending to read a book. Yunho wandered in after a shower, still shirtless. He passed by Changmin’s reclining figure without so much as a glance and went straight to Jaejoong, giving him a back hug. Jaejoong made a sound of delight and twisted his head back to peck Yunho’s lips.
Junsu took no notice as he sucked on his juice straw and laughed at messages from Junho.
“Go put on a shirt!” Jaejoong giggled, slapping Yunho lightly on the arm with his spatula.
Yunho was an idiot when he was lovestruck, Changmin noticed. He couldn’t even respond to Jaejoong’s smiles and laughs and charms with words. He only giggled and kept hugging Jaejoong.
“They’re so gross,” Yoochun said, smiling. He’d finally emerged from the music room. Changmin looked up at him and nodded in agreement. “Pick up your feet, Changminnie. Let hyung sit with you.”
Re-focusing on his book, Changmin obeyed. Yoochun plopped down onto the couch and Changmin let his legs fall back into Yoochun’s lap.
From the kitchen, Junsu’s voice kept whining. “I want to go on more dates with her. What should I do?”
“Go on more dates with her,” Jaejoong said.
“You know I can’t!” Junsu said.
“So don’t go on more dates with her,” Yunho said. It was rare for him to be joking around like this. He was usually always offering serious advice whether someone wanted it or not.
“Ugh!” Junsu gave up on Yunho and Jaejoong for advice and then left the room to call his brother.
Yoochun was resting on the couch with his eyes closed, smiling as he listened to the conversation. Changmin observed him briefly and then gave up on reading his book. He closed it and let it drop to the floor and then tried to rest his eyes too. He must have dozed off because next thing he knows, he’s waking up in his bed, warm and well-rested, but hungry. There’s a note on his bedside table that tells him his portions of food are still in the fridge.
Slightly annoyed at his own inability to eat on time and sleep on time, Changmin padded down to the kitchen. Unsurprisingly, Yoochun was there. He sipped silently at a glass of milk.
“Hey Changminnie.”
Changmin got his food out of the fridge and sat down with Yoochun. “Hey yourself.”
Yoochun laughed. Changmin didn’t get it. He didn’t even say anything funny, but Yoochun always laughed at his remarks, jokes, wit-whatever you wanted to call it.
“How’s the food?”
“Good as always,” Changmin mumbled over a mouthful.
“You should tell Jaejoong. He loves hearing your praise.”
“I do tell him.”
“Yeah, well, he can’t really get enough of it, can he?”
Changmin chuckled. “I guess not. He’s kind of-”
“-An attention whore.”
They were silent for a beat, then both stuffed their fists against their mouths to stifle their loud laughter.
“So,” Changmin said, “why are you up anyways? Can’t sleep again?”
“Yeah, though even if I could, I’m not going back into my room.”
“Why not?”
“Ugh, Yunho and Jaejoong are using it as their love nest right now.”
Changmin raised an eyebrow. “The Yunjae president doesn’t want in on the action?”
“Spare me.”
Changmin laughed. “Well, if Yunho’s in there, you can just use his bed in our room. You don’t need to sleep on the couch.”
Yoochun smiled. “Thanks Changminnie. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that.”
Under normal circumstances, Changmin would’ve immediately retorted with something rude like because you’re dumb or worse, but he kept his mouth shut. There weren’t normal circumstances. Or, they were, kind of, because it wasn’t the first time Yoochun and Changmin ended up having a midnight snack together. But, it was the first time that Changmin was feeling a weird nervousness at having invited Yoochun into his room.
Changmin groaned inwardly as he realized that this was just another thing to add to his ever growing list of things he felt shy about. He hated it, really. For once, he wanted to feel confident. He wanted to feel like he was sure of something.
“Changminnie? You still with me?” Yoochun asked gently. He always spoke so gently to Changmin, and yet, somehow, never offered unwanted sympathy.
“Yeah.”
“You done eating? Let’s go to bed.”
Changmin gulped. The way Yoochun said it-Let’s go to bed-like they were lovers or something-it made Changmin’s recently ingested meal churn in his stomach.
When they reached the room, Changmin flopped down onto his bed and balled himself up in his blankets. After a few minutes, Yoochun was nudging him over.
“Can’t you sleep in Yunho’s bed?” Changmin asked groggily.
“Move over. I’m sharing with you. In case he comes back.”
Changmin sighed. They both knew Yunho was not coming back if he was spending the night with Jaejoong. But Changmin allowed it anyways. He moved to the edge of the bed and Yoochun joined him. His body was icy.
“Shit, Yoochun, why are you so cold?”
“I don’t know! It’s not my fault.”
Taking pity on Yoochun, Changmin suppressed his dislike for excessive touchiness and slung an arm around Yoochun’s waist.
“Thanks,” Yoochun mumbled.
“Shut up and sleep,” Changmin said. Yoochun laughed. He always laughed for Changmin.
Usually when Yoochun cried, he went to Jaejoong. Jaejoong was good about those things. He could remain calm and collected when Yoochun was frenzied and wrecked with emotion. Jaejoong would let Yoochun cry it out, make him something warm to eat, and stroke his back gently, crooning assurances that it was okay.
But now, Jaejoong wasn’t here. He, Yunho, and Junsu were out shopping and Changmin was the only one at home with Yoochun, who was sobbing. Changmin could hear him. He wondered why Yoochun didn’t approach. Then he realized that he might not want to bother Changmin with this because he didn’t know if Changmin would be as available for the role of emotional comforter. Slightly offended at the possible scenario, Changmin shut his book and rose from his desk.
He found Yoochun in his and Jaejoong’s shared room, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall. His knees were drawn into his chest and his head was resting against them.
“Yoochun…what’s wrong?”
Yoochun couldn’t respond. He looked up, and what Changmin saw made all the blood drain out of his face. Yoochun’s face was streaked with tears and his eyes were filled with agony. Unable to think of anything else, Changmin rushed to his side.
“What’s wrong? You’ve got to tell me what’s wrong.”
“I’m just sad, Changminnie. I’m sorry…I don’t want you to see me like this.”
“Shut up, idiot. It’s okay to cry.”
Amazingly, but somehow unsurprisingly, Yoochun laughed. The happy noise seemed to make the room brighter.
“It’s okay to cry,” Changmin repeated, “but it’s not okay to cry alone. Not when I’m right here.”
Yoochun sniffled and nodded. He held out his arms, as if asking permission, and Changmin sidled closer. Yoochun’s arms wound around Changmin’s waist, and Changmin didn’t protest.
“You’re not bad at this. Why did I think you’d be terrible at comforting a crying person?” Yoochun mumbled. His voice was still thick with tears.
“I’m not a monster. Just because I’m not touchy or whatever doesn’t mean I’m heartless. My little sisters cried sometimes. I dealt with them just fine.”
Yoochun looked up. His eyes were unreadable. “I hope you’re not thinking of me as a sister right now.”
Changmin couldn’t help it-he laughed. Then, in an act of complete daring, he wiped away Yoochun’s tears with his fingers. “Trust me, that is not how I think of you.”
“Then how do you think of me?” Yoochun’s voice was hardly above a whisper.
A long silence stretched between them. Changmin could feel his face heating. He could feel himself blushing. He tried to formulate the real answer. He didn’t want to lie, but he was too shy to tell the truth. But what was the truth?
“Changminnie?”
“Not a sister.”
“What?”
“I think of you as…not a sister. A brother. Bandmate.” Changmin cursed himself inwardly for being a coward. What was he afraid of? Well, rejection. And Yoochun being disgusted at him. And Yoochun laughing at him because Changmin was just an inexperienced, geeky kid with a stupid crush.
“Oh.” Yoochun smiled. “I see. Well, I’m glad. We’ve gotten closer, haven’t we? Our little family.”
“Mm.”
“Thanks, Changminnie. For being here.”
“Yeah.” Changmin rubbed Yoochun’s shoulder roughly. “Of course.”
“We’re home!” Jaejoong called loudly. “We bought you guys stuff since you’re too lazy to spend your day off doing anything outside the house!”
Yoochun laughed and extricated himself from Changmin’s comforting hold. “Let’s go see what they got us?”
“Okay.” Changmin smiled with one corner of his mouth and followed Yoochun out of the room.
After a long, restful sleep, Changmin slowly opened his eyes. The sun hadn’t risen yet, but it would soon. The world was quiet and his body was wonderfully relaxed.
“You say the craziest things in your sleep,” Yoochun said.
Startled, Changmin nearly fell out of the bed. Yoochun caught him by the waist and hauled him back in, smiling. “You didn’t know?”
“I…my family might have mentioned it. What are you doing in here?”
“Yunho and Jaejoong were being disgusting again. I couldn’t stay in there!”
Changmin laughed. “Fair enough. But why are you always in my bed?”
“Because you’re warm.”
“Get a heater.”
“I like you better.”
Changmin snorted and turned onto his side, ready for another few hours of rest before he had to get up. “Whatever, hyung.”
Yoochun was apparently feeling very playful because he jumped onto Changmin’s exposed side and dug his chin into Changmin’s shoulder.
“Don’t go to sleep while I’m talking to you!”
“Why don’t you go back to sleep, too? And let me rest in peace?”
“I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept all night.”
Changmin’s eyes shot open. He looked at Yoochun seriously. “You…haven’t slept? It’s almost sunrise! We have a freaking concert tonight!”
“I know.”
“What were you doing all night?” Changmin asked incredulously.
“Watching you sleep.”
Oh, that gets him. Changmin melts under his sheets. Sighing, he scoots over and motions to Yoochun to lie next to him.
“What did I talk about in my sleep?”
Yoochun gives him an odd look with furrowed brows and a half-smile. “You said random things. Foods you wanted to eat, characters in books you thought were stupid.” Yoochun chuckled. “You’re really well read.”
“What else?”
“You talked about us. You told Yunho to hurry up in the shower. You told Junsu to shut up several times. You also asked Jaejoong if he was going to get his dick pierced. That was funny.”
“And?”
“And you said nice things about me.”
“Oh.” Changmin gulped.
“You said that I could cry if I wanted to, and that I’m cute.”
“Of course you are. You’re our dandy boy. You have to be cute. Especially since I’m not.”
Yoochun rolled his eyes and snuggled closer to Changmin. Changmin could hardly breathe. “Of course you’re cute.”
“Shut up. I’m not cute.” Changmin didn’t know why he was being so impertinent. He could feel his body tensing up. He shrunk into himself under the covers. Yoochun pulled them down to Changmin’s shoulders.
“You have mismatched eyes. You look young and innocent. You have the sweetest voice. You are cute.”
“Shut up, Yoochun. Seriously.”
“What’s wrong? Why don’t you like it when people compliment you?”
“Because they’re lying! I’m not any of those things! I’m just…ugh…”
Yoochun looked shocked. Hesitantly, he slung an arm loosely around Changmin’s shoulders and began to stroke his hair.
“Is this okay?” he asked. Changmin nodded. He loved that Yoochun asked. Yoochun never did anything Changmin wouldn’t like.
“I’m sorry if what I said made you uncomfortable. But I can promise you I’m not lying.”
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, hyung. I just don’t…feel good about myself. And god, I can usually ignore it…but you talking about it…and before the sun’s even come up. I don’t like the way it feels.”
“I know you’re shy, Changmin. And that’s okay. But it’s not okay to dislike yourself this much.”
“What do I do about it?”
“I don’t know, Changminnie. What would help?”
Changmin fell silent. He knew what would help, but he couldn’t say it.
“Changmin-ah…please talk to me. I know you don’t like it when people are nosy, but…I can’t not be concerned about you anymore.”
“If...if I liked someone…and they liked me back-flaws and all-then, maybe…maybe I could feel better.”
The sun began to rise. Faint noises were coming from the kitchen as Jaejoong began preparing their breakfast and Yunho helped him.. Junsu’s footsteps padded down the hallway toward the shower. They would have to be getting ready for rehearsal soon.
“Changminnie…tell the others what happened. Don’t let them wake me up until we absolutely have to leave. Let me rest…” Yoochun’s eyes closed and his breathing evened out. Changmin watched him fondly.
Yoochun’s face wasn’t perfect. There were acne scars on his cheeks. His lips were dry and chapped. His eyebrows were unruly. But Changmin loved seeing his face this close anyways. He felt an overwhelming urge to lean in and kiss that slack mouth, but resisted. Instead, he slowly got out of the bed and dressed for the day.
Post-concert highs were incomparable in their glory. Changmin felt like he could conquer the world. He felt like he already had. The after party passed in a blur and the ride home was more fun than anything Changmin could remember doing. They were sweaty and gross and kind of tipsy from the after party as they recounted every moment from that flawless night. In the backseat, Yoochun slipped his hand into Changmin’s. When Changmin didn’t move to take his hand away, Yoochun held onto it the whole ride home.
When they got back to their dorm, they stumbled inside still laughing, still joking, still feeling higher than ever. Changmin and Yoochun fell into the loveseat, squished together in the narrow space. Junsu plopped onto the couch, and Yunho joined him after he and Jaejoong returned from the fridge with five beers. Jaejoong handed them out and then settled down on Yunho’s lap.
Normally, the other three told Yunho and Jaejoong to keep their gross PDA to themselves, but tonight was an exception. Everyone was in high spirits, and their passionate displays were bolstered by raucous cheers and wolf whistles.
“We did an amazing job tonight. I’m really proud of all of us,” Yunho beamed. It was important to him that he say something to his bandmates when it was just the five of them. No other staff, no managers. Just them.
Jaejoong, from his position on Yunho’s lap, nodded in agreement. “You were all amazing. We’re the best there’ll ever be.” The other four cheered in agreement. Jaejoong twisted around and caressed Yunho’s face. “And you were sexy as fuck up there, Yunho-sama.” Yunho grinned stupidly-like, really idiotically-and Jaejoong kissed him. Yoochun whooped and Changmin whistled. Junsu laughed and clapped as Yunho locked lips with Jaejoong and ran his hands under Jaejoong’s shirt.
When they finally broke away, they had the good grace to blush. Jaejoong’s smile was a smile only the happiest man on earth could smile. Yunho kissed him again. Then, wrapping his arms tightly around Jaejoong, he rose from the couch and walked them to Jaejoong’s bedroom as the other three cheered them on.
“Looks like I’m sharing with you again tonight, Changminnie.”
Junsu had already fallen asleep on the couch. Changmin rolled his eyes and put a blanket over him, then followed Yoochun to what Changmin had come to think of as their room.
Even though Changmin was exhausted beyond belief, he knew he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep unless he showered. He grabbed a towel from his drawer then walked into the bathroom and stripped naked and examined himself in the mirror. His hair was frizzy from having been drenched in sweat and dried in the night air. His cheeks were still red from all the exertion of the performance. And best of all, his gym sessions were starting to pay off in the form of defined arms, pectoral muscles, and the faintest hint of defined abdominal muscles.
Changmin stood outside the tub as he waited for the water to heat up. He got lost in thought until he heard the bathroom door open and close behind him. He turned around to see Yoochun taking his clothes off and dumping them into the hamper.
They had showered together before, of course, but usually, necessity drove them to do so. Like if they had fifteen minutes to get ready before they had to be in the van for a schedule. Not when they had the next twenty-four hours off and could afford to shower separately.
“What are you doing?” Changmin asked.
“I’m exhausted and I want to shower before I sleep. And I don’t want to wait for you. You take forever when you can.”
It was true. When Changmin didn’t have to shower in under five minutes, he could stay in there for twenty and just think by himself, in peace. He stuck his hand under the water and found its temperature perfectly hot. Pulling back the shower curtain, he stepped in and got under the shower head. Yoochun joined him and nudged him to the side so he could rinse off as well.
“I don’t like showering with you. You hog the warm water.” Changmin pouted.
“Well then just stand closer,” Yoochun said, scrubbing his skin with a soapy loofah.
Changmin examined the space between him and Yoochun. It was not a lot. Swallowing thickly, Changmin stepped closer to Yoochun’s body. His left side was now under the shower spray. It left his right side freezing, so he took another step. His leg was now pressed up against Yoochun’s, but at least he wasn’t freezing.
“Want me to wash your back for you?” Yoochun asked. He was grinning that sleazy grin of his.
Changmin eyed him warily. He did want that, but he was afraid of all the intimacy. He wasn’t used to it.
“Changminnie?”
“Yeah. Yes please.”
“Alright, then turn around.” Yoochun murmured.
Changmin turned around. Yoochun’s hands began to lather the soap across Changmin’s back. He swept his hands across Changmin’s shoulder blades, then down his spine, then dug his thumbs into Changmin’s lower back, massaging the aching muscles there.
“Ah…”
“Feel good?” Yoochun asked.
“Yeah. It’s been aching a lot.” Changmin leaned his forearms against the slippery tiled wall.
“I know it has.” Yoochun’s hands kept working his skin. They swept across his hips. The trailed lower, almost reaching Changmin’s butt.
“S-stop,” Changmin stammered. “I can do the rest myself.”
“Okay.” Yoochun took his hands off and reached for the shampoo. Changmin cursed inwardly as he noticed he had a totally inappropriate erection. He didn’t want Yoochun to see it but there was no way out, really.
After Yoochun was done using it, Changmin reached for the shampoo bottle. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Yoochun glance downwards. He’d noticed! Changmin felt his face heat up with horrible embarrassment. He wanted to hide his face in his hands.
“Need help with that?” Yoochun asked. His voice was light but not light enough to be entirely joking.
“What? Huh?” Changmin sputtered. “N-no. That’s okay. It’ll, uh, go away. Oh, god…” He was mortified.
“It’s okay, Changminnie. It happens sometimes. Trust me, I know.” Yoochun gave him a winning smile. He rinsed the shampoo out of his hair. “I’ll see you in our room.”
Changmin nodded, grateful for his non-intrusive manner. If he had been in the shower with Jaejoong…god, he’d never hear the end of this incident. But Yoochun could take things easily. He could be casual and not freak out. Changmin really liked that about him.
He dried off and went to his room and put on a pair of pajamas. Yoochun did the same and added a t-shirt. Exhausted, they climbed into Changmin’s bed together.
Changmin vaguely wondered if the other three knew that he and Yoochun had been sharing a bed almost every night for the past several weeks. He felt Yoochun’s arm snake around his waist. In a rare initiation of affection, Changmin snuggled closer to his bandmate, tucking his head under Yoochun’s chin. Under his cheek, he felt Yoochun’s neck rise and fall as he swallowed thickly.
“Great job today, Changminnie.”
“You too. I thought you were going to pass out halfway through. I was kind of worried.”
Yoochun began to trace patterns along Changmin’s back. “Thanks for worrying. I was kind of dizzy.”
“Be careful.”
“I’m still kind of dizzy,” Yoochun said, laughing hoarsely.
Changmin smiled into Yoochun’s collarbone. “Then sleep.”
“Don’t know if I can.”
“Try.”
“I-alright.”
Several minutes passed in silence. Changmin tried to relax, but he was still mortified at what had occurred in the shower. He tried to focus on the warmth of Yoochun’s freshly-showered, still-damp, really-pleasant-smelling body, but it just made him want to close his eyes and nose along Yoochun’s exposed neck. Changmin tried to focus on the warmth of the down comforter but he could only think of how it was covering them both. About how they were in the same bed.
“Changminnie?”
“Hm?”
“I don’t think I can do this much longer.”
“What?” Changmin tried to pull back to look at Yoochun but was held in place by Yoochun’s arms winding around him and holding Changmin to his chest.
“Promise me you won’t hate me after I say this.”
“Uh, ok. I promise.”
Yoochun’s voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke into the dark. “I like you, Changminnie.”
“What?” Changmin asked, face flushing.
“I like you.”
“Oh…”
“And you? How do you feel? About me?”
“Well, I uh…”
Yoochun hugged him tighter. Changmin was trapped with his cheek pressed against Yoochun’s chest, but it was a trap he felt no desire to escape from.
“Please, Changmin. This isn’t easy for me. Just tell me how you feel and I can move on.”
“Stop. I can’t. I…ugh.” Changmin buried his face further into the fabric of Yoochun’s shirt. His fingers clutched at the material and held on tight.
“You can’t…why?”
“I’m shy. Because I’m shy.”
“I know you are. I like that about you, too.”
“Hyung.” Changmin was almost whining. Pleading. Slowly, Yoochun unwound his arms. He placed a hand on Changmin’s shoulder and gently pushed him to lay flat on the bed. Supporting himself on his elbows, Yoochun leaned over him and began to stroke Changmin’s damp hair.
“I like you, Changmin. I might even love you.”
Changmin moved his mouth around words he couldn’t say. His heart was pounding. He wanted, but he didn’t know how to ask. Then, Yoochun twined his fingers with Changmin’s hand as it lay limp on the bed. Changmin squeezed Yoochun’s hand and nodded. Yoochun smiled a winning smile and leaned down so their foreheads were brushing.
“Oh…” Changmin was more than a little breathless.
“Changmin?”
“Yes?”
Yoochun kissed him. Just a brief press of his lips against Changmin’s but it made Changmin’s heart thump wildly. Too soon, Yoochun pulled back.
“Was that okay?”
“Yes.”
“I’m going to kiss you again. Kiss me back if you like it.”
Yoochun kissed him again, this time with a slight increase in pressure. Changmin moved his mouth against Yoochun’s lips. He wasn’t entirely sure of what he was doing, but Yoochun groaned, and that was encouragement enough. Changmin slanted his mouth and curled his lips against Yoochun’s.
“So you do like me, then,” Yoochun said, giggling.
“Shut up.”
“Ah, there he is.” Yoochun stroked Changmin’s face fondly. “Are you really okay with this? You have to tell me explicitly that this is okay otherwise I’m going to feel like I’m taking advantage of you or something.”
Changmin swallowed and took a deep breath. He was shit at emotional stuff like this. But he wanted it. “Yoochun-hyung,” he began shakily. “I like you too, so yeah, you can kiss me.”
“And can I be your boyfriend?”
“Wh-what? Uh, yeah. I guess. Ugh.”
“You don’t sound very excited,” Yoochun teased.
“Shut up. God shut up you complete bastard.”
Yoochun laughed and settled his body on top of Changmin’s. “I don’t know if this relationship is going to work if you’re so hesitant to talk about your emotions.”
Changmin clutched Yoochun’s hands tighter. “I’m. I’m sorry. You know I’m awful at this. Why do you even like me? God I hate you.”
“Wanna try that again?” Yoochun took Changmin’s face in his hands and searched his eyes.
“I like you.”
“That’s better.” Yoochun rewarded his boyfriend with a kiss.
Neither of them were able to sleep much that night. They were too excited with their newfound intimacy. Instead of sleep, Yoochun and Changmin opted for cuddling under the comforter, exchanging kisses and just talking about anything and everything.
Changmin eventually drifted off. Yoochun kissed his nose and followed him into restful, dreamless sleep.
part 2