Comments | keppiehed: Brigit's Flame Week 4 June

keppiehed

Brigit's Flame Week 4 June

Jun 22, 2011 14:15

Title: Fish in a Barrel
Author: Keppiehed
Rating: PG
Warnings: none
Word Count: 1534
Prompt: “divine deviant”
A/N: Written for week #4 at Brigits_flame.

( Divine Deviant )

entry: brigits flame june, week 4, prompt: divine deviant

Comments 29

bardiphouka June 23 2011, 17:29:18 UTC

I almost feel sorry for him. Ever so well done.

keppiehed June 23 2011, 21:29:19 UTC

I think it is becoming a habit for me to write evil people sympathetically. Even Lucifer has a good side? *laughs* Thank you for reading!

bardiphouka June 23 2011, 22:10:46 UTC

Well Milton thought ao?

(The comment has been removed)

keppiehed June 25 2011, 03:49:08 UTC

Aw! -10 points for noncreativity! *laughs* But thank you for reading. I have been having a hard time writing this month. Just stretching the fingers, even if the result isn't very good.

w_x_2 June 25 2011, 19:30:35 UTC

This was very interesting. I didn't understand where you were going at first, but I still couldn't look away because it was so well written.

I'm still not sure that I understand exactly who he is, but I really like how you portrayed him, how you told us about him, the development of the story. It really was interesting.

I particularly enjoyed this bit because it is such a 'controversy':

'“I'm not supposed to talk to strangers. My mom said-”

“No problem! My name's Luce. I go to Hudson Prep. I like strawberry ice cream and I have a pet iguana. Let me see, what else do you want to know?”

“You have a pet iguana?” She looked at him over the rims of her glasses.

“Sure do! So now I'm not a stranger anymore...'

Perfect :D

keppiehed June 27 2011, 17:58:07 UTC

OMG, I hated this story. You should totally stop reading my junky stuff, because I am suffering through a writing crisis in June. Probably because I am not talking to you AT ALL and therefore my stress levels are out of the stratosphere. I MISS YOU! *cries*

alphien June 27 2011, 22:37:34 UTC

Ah, a perfect modern Lucifer! The last line was the clincher, I think.

keppiehed June 27 2011, 22:58:35 UTC

I was very worried about this. Thanks so much for reassuring me! *breathes a sigh of relief*

alphien June 27 2011, 23:01:39 UTC

Oh, you are more than welcome! A very good piece.

pipisafoat June 28 2011, 01:44:03 UTC

keppieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee this is not allowed. NOT ALLOWED, I TELL YOU. You are writing things too well and it must be illegal.

No? Oh, well, carry on, then.

The one bone I have to pick is that I didn't connect Luce to Lucifer until I saw your comment to bardi. Which is probably my bad. But that didn't really matter actually; I just figured it was some random ex-angel. On the fabulous side, I love your portrayal of him. He didn't flinch as he said it is definitely one of the more powerful lines in this. Although I do wonder about Things were going according to plan - we never hear anything else about a plan.

But overall a really great look into his head! So there. :D

keppiehed June 28 2011, 02:43:37 UTC

Pip! You are always way too nice! This was terrible, I've been all writer's blocky and ksueryhiuewyr like that. You are so right about the parts you pointed out ... I knew it at the time and it was sheer laziness on my part because I was uninspired and felt dry as a bone. Blah. Blah. Also, I have been in the mood for reading inappropriate subject matter lately, which is not helping my muse come back to me. *whistles innocently* Maybe July will be when I come back with a VENGEANCE! Rawr!