You are right, there is a big chance for a lot of things to go wrong, but I thought that it was important to show that many times women do not, unfortunately, leave their abusers. No matter how much we, as their friends and loved ones see the wisdom, often times the cycle of abuse is just perpetuated. It was very sad, and very hard to write. Thanks for reading.
I thought that this story was really well written. Many of the metaphors at the beginning were powerful and universally understood.
One of the issues I had with it was that through the end of the story with Jack, I kept wondering if this is what would really happen. I thought Holly's thoughts to herself were normal, but that Jack was not acting as how I believe the son of an abusive father would. That's probably just my perception, though, and I still thought that his relationship with Holly was adorable.
Not really much to say on grammar -- all very well done. I especially enjoyed the metaphors. I would say that something that could help out is to work on spacing, creating pauses using grammar and new paragraphs.
Please note however a newbie. So I will do my best.
To write a short story on a subject so taboo takes alot of character as a writer. Well Done!
You did a great job of making me feel the punches that she was receiving. In addition the part where Jack comes up to her to show her teeth to her, had me screaming in my head, GET UP and GO. You did a brilliant job of involving me as the reader in such a short piece.
Please excuse me if this is a repeat reply. My computer has been wonky due to a power outage! Thanks for taking the time to give me your thoughts. Just because you are new to the editing process does not mean that you can't bring new insights and new observations. I appreciate you reading through and sending your edit. Thanks!
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I thought that this story was really well written. Many of the metaphors at the beginning were powerful and universally understood.
One of the issues I had with it was that through the end of the story with Jack, I kept wondering if this is what would really happen. I thought Holly's thoughts to herself were normal, but that Jack was not acting as how I believe the son of an abusive father would. That's probably just my perception, though, and I still thought that his relationship with Holly was adorable.
Not really much to say on grammar -- all very well done. I especially enjoyed the metaphors. I would say that something that could help out is to work on spacing, creating pauses using grammar and new paragraphs.
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Please note however a newbie. So I will do my best.
To write a short story on a subject so taboo takes alot of character as a writer. Well Done!
You did a great job of making me feel the punches that she was receiving. In addition the part where Jack comes up to her to show her teeth to her, had me screaming in my head, GET UP and GO. You did a brilliant job of involving me as the reader in such a short piece.
Nothing on grammar from me either.
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Thanks for taking the time to give me your thoughts. Just because you are new to the editing process does not mean that you can't bring new insights and new observations. I appreciate you reading through and sending your edit. Thanks!
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