Grey's Anatomy - Choices (1/23)

[kennedysbitch]

Title: Choices
Chapter 1/23
Authors: Faith & Kye
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: NC17

Story Summary: Post-6x17 "Push" -- Arizona prefers chickens to children, and Callie isn't okay with that. Heartbroken and lonely, the two women try unsuccessfully to move on with their lives, only to find they really are made for eachother.

Chapter Summary: Callie wants kids, and Arizona’s oblivious.

Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.


-----

Callie still didn't quite believe it. She wasn’t even really sure if she wanted to. If she could.

In some respect, it kind of served her right. To think that she had finally found the one. The one who she could truly be happy with. To finally feel content and safe and complete.

Stupid universe and its sick sense of humor.

“Callie?”

Dr. Torres jumped as she was suddenly pulled from her thoughts by rapidly approaching footsteps.

Mark sidled up to the counter where Callie was idly scribbling on her clipboard, his lips turned up into a smirk. “Guess who just got a lunch date?” he teased as he tossed an apple with one hand before easily snatching it out of midair with the other.

“Hmm?” Callie replied absently. She looked up from her clipboard with slightly wide eyes. Her brow line furrowed. “What?”

Mark titled his head, watching her with concern. “Everything all right?”

The brunette shook her head once, sighed, and went back to her paper work.

“Uh-oh,” Mark quickly cut in. “I know that sound.” He leaned a little closer toward the hunched over woman. “You know you can tell me your troubles, right?” he offered a in a lighter tone, but still got no response.

“Y'know,” he started again, changing tactics smoothly. He gave his friend a slight nudge in the ribs with his elbow. “I'm really working on being an all-around better person these days, so you think you can help me out here?”

Callie muttered something under her breath.

“What?” Mark asked, straining to hear.

Callie slapped her hand down onto her clipboard. “Arizona doesn't want kids. Can you fucking believe that?” she added, more than a bit exasperated. “A pediatric surgeon who doesn't want kids!” She scoffed. “That's like a...a...” She trailed off, waving her hand in the air between them as she dipped her head back.

Mark backed out of the way to dodge the Latina’s flying hand. He finally had to reach up to stop the flailing appendage before it could do any permanent damage. He held Callie's hand in a firm, but still gentle grip as he leaned a bit closer. “Did she actually say that?”

Callie paused, her mouth slumping into a frown. “Not in those exact words, but I pretty much got the gist of it.”

Mark waited to hear what exactly the ‘gist’ of it was, but when Callie went silent and got that blank look, he knew he was losing her. “Hey.” He reached out and waved a hand in front of her face. “What happened to suddenly bring that subject up? I thought you two were all happy and giggly and sickeningly normal. You can’t be having problems, it doesn’t work that way.”

Callie blinked and pushed the dreary thoughts back into her head for a moment. She turned to Mark with a peculiar look on her face. “What do you mean ‘work that way’? What ‘way’?”

Mark turned and leaned back into the admin counter, watching the various doctors and nurses bustling around the corridor. “You know…you’re the stable ones. There’s always one stable couple in the vicinity, the one that holds the rest of us poor sorry saps together. Hunt’s got the warm and fuzzies for Teddy and Cristina either doesn’t care or doesn’t think it matters; Izzie left Alex and is off who knows where with her cancer; Bailey’s melting down every half hour to you about the new guy she’s dating; Derek and Meredith are…well, there’s always something wrong with those two, and Lexi and I…”

He trailed off after that last sentence, letting it hang awkwardly in the air for a moment as dark thoughts once more trickled through his mind. A few seconds later, he turned back to face Callie. “So that leaves you and Roller Girl. She’s perky and you’re giggly. Hence normal and stable.”

Callie was obviously not amused. “Do I look frikkin' 'giggly' to you right now?” she shot back as she lifted a hand to point it towards the frustrated, wide-eyed expression on her face.

Mark just smirked back at her.

Callie balled up her fist and punched him hard in the shoulder.

“Oww,” the plastic surgeon mock-pouted as he rubbed at the now aching spot on his arm. “Are all you disgruntled lesbians this aggressive?”

Callie's eyes narrowed and she reared back her fist to punch him again, but Mark's hand came up to stop it in mid-motion. The smirk was all but gone from his face to be replaced with a soft, understanding smile. “Just talk to her. Ask her what she wants. Straight up.”

His amused expression slowly started to return. Callie's eyes widened as her fist flinched in his own. “I wasn't gonna say anything,” he laughed. “I swear.”

Callie glared as she jerked her hand from his grip. She mumbled under her breath as she turned back to the paperwork on her clipboard.

“Geeze,” Mark whined, flexing his hand. “I’m just trying to help.” He sighed and stared over her shoulder. “Did you two talk about it last night? Or was there a definite…lack of talking?” His smug smirk was returning once more.

Callie dropped her hands onto the clip board noisily again and glared at him.

He feigned innocence. “What? You both worked for two days, there could have been...sleep.”

Callie remained silent as the seconds ticked by between them. Her shoulders slumped as she released another deep, heavy sigh. “There was no sleep.”

Mark chuckled as he tossed his apple into the air.

Callie reached over and easily snagged it just as he threw it a second time. She kept her gaze locked with his as she set the fruit down onto the counter with a quite thump. “I didn't sleep a fucking wink 'cause I lied to my girlfriend.”

Mark's smirk vanished.

“I told her not to come over. That I was sick and didn't want her to catch it,” Callie clarified with another heavy breath.

“But,” Mark cut in, his brow furrowed in thought. “Chicken pox?”

Callie felt a sharp pang in her chest and had to quickly look away. Her gaze reverted back to the stack of white papers. The words were all blurring together at the moment.

“Told her I couldn't stop throwing up and I didn't want her caught in the crossfire.”

A brief flash of disgust crossed the male surgeon's face. “That's not even a big lie,” he quickly reason. “Doesn't even touch a two on the Richter scale. So you didn't wanna see her for one night in…how many have you been together? A billion? Big deal.”

Callie closed her eyes with another heavy sigh.

It wasn't even about the lie.

It was more the fact that she was too much of a chicken shit to confront Arizona head-on.

Because this one, this one was a biggie. The prospect of children had always been a big deal to her. She was frikken' Spanish for fuck's sake.

La familia.

It was everything.

When Callie didn’t answer, Sloan took her by the shoulders and gave her a gentle shake. “Stop pouting, Torres, it’s not a good look for you. Just talk to her, or you’re gonna dwell on it all day. I know you, and you’ll pout, and it’ll make me sad. Do you want to make me sad?”

Callie had to smile just a little. “No…”

Mark smiled back. “Do you want me to beat her up for you?”

Callie snorted before she could stop herself.

Mark’s expression fell. “Hey. My man-pride just bled a little.”

“Oh come on,” she laughed, smiling for the first time all day. “You couldn’t take her, Mark. She’s wily and has the crazy eyes. You’re not wily and women who give crazy eyes terrify you.”

Mark crossed his arms and narrowed his gaze. “I didn’t realize you were dating a fearsome bulldyke, Torres.”

At that exact moment, Arizona just happened to roller-shoe right up behind Mark, carrying a stack of charts balanced delicately in one arm and a lunch bag in the other. She made a point of dropping the charts onto the desk with a loud ‘thunk’, causing Mark to jump about a foot in the air and whirl around. He looked slightly guilty. “Hi…Dr. Robbins. Been there long?”

Arizona ignored him and smiled over at Callie. “Hey, gorgeous. Didn’t expect to see you this morning.” She nudged Mark out of the way with an elbow, making him grunt in protest. “Sorry, manwhore. Fearsome bulldyke coming through.”

Leaving him to look sulky and hurt, she held up a paper bag sporting the diner logo from down on the street on the front. “Chicken soup, white bread, and a ginger ale. Just in case you make it through to lunch and need to eat something.”

Callie felt that pang in her chest again as she kept her eyes glued on the paper bag held up just high enough to reach her line of vision. It took some considerable effort for her to swallow back.

“Callie?” Arizona called softly, her smile waning just a bit as she peeked around the edge of the bag. “Calliope?”

The brunette quickly snapped out of it with a jerk of her head. She released a short breath. “Huh? Oh.” She lifted a hand to snatch the bag from her girlfriend's grasp as she forced a smile. “Thanks,” she offered weakly as she placed it on the stack of papers and then lifted her clipboard to her chest to pin the bag between the two. She wrapped her arms around the bundle as she paused to meet the blonde's eyes. “Right.”

And then she turned and fled as quickly as her feet would carry her in the opposite direction.

Mark pushed off of the desk to step around Arizona. “Coward!”

Callie lifted her right hand over her shoulder to flip him off just as she turned the corner.

Arizona watched her run away with a blank, confused look on her face. “So…was that an ‘I have to throw up’ thing, or am I missing something else here?”

She turned to look at Mark, only to find him eyeing her with a strange expression on his face. Not one to usually be sized up, Arizona straightened her spine and looked right back at him. “What?” she asked indignantly.

Mark continued to study her, squinting a little. “You don’t have crazy eyes.”

Remaining silent, Arizona locked her gaze with his. She narrowed her eyes in a very intense, scrutinizing look. She didn’t blink for a long, long while.

Mark broke the stare first, blinking and shifting uncomfortably. “Jesus,” he muttered, before taking a few steps away and turning around to walk straight back down the hallway.

Arizona smirked for a moment, proud of herself, before glancing back over her shoulder in the direction Callie had gone with a frown.

***

Stupid chicken soup.

With the stupid chicken and the stupid...soup. Why did it have to taste so damn good? Like, 'best chicken soup she's ever had in her entire life'...good.

Callie sighed as she dropped her plastic spoon into the still steaming, half-empty styrofoam bowl.

“I just don't get what the big friggin' deal is. So she doesn't want kids.” Cristina Yang waved her fork in the air, a tiny bit of her tuna still clinging to one of the prongs. “That just means she's been paying attention.”

“Cristina,” Meredith chided from her spot at the end of the table.

“What?” Yang shot back. “I'm just sayin'.”

Callie heaved a sigh. “Is it me?” she suddenly questioned as she dropped both hands onto the table in clear defeat. “Is that it? Am I just not...” She paused as she searched for the right words. “...the kinda person you wanna rear children with?”

“Can’t you people talk about something other than your ovaries for once?”

All three women looked up as Alex Karev walked up to the secluded table in the back of the lunchroom they sat at. He placed his tray down and then pulled out the nearest empty chair.

Yang looked from him to Meredith and then back again. Another wave of her plastic fork sliced through the air. “Seriously?”

Alex looked at her through a bite of his ham sandwich. “What?” he grumbled through a mouthful.

Yang looked around to every other occupant at the table, making a circle motion with her fork. “Does the lack of testosterone here not clue you in?”

“Yang. Leave it,” Callie quickly cut in. “I've got bigger problems here.” She turned her attention to Meredith. “You're the sanest one I know these days. What should I do?”

Cristina snorted through a mouthful of food. “Mer, sanity, and relationship advice all in one question? Must be ‘Apocalypse Day’ and they forgot to send the memo.”

Meredith gave a wry smile to Callie. “I’m seriously not the one you need to be talking to. Least of all about babies.”

“Oh God,” Alex groaned. “Don’t you people talk about anything other than who you’re sleeping with?”

“Says the guy who’s not sleeping with anyone,” Yang replied with a smug look. “Jealous that none of us would touch you with a ten foot pole?”

Alex glared right back at her. “I’m getting plenty of sex right now, thank you very much.”

“With my sister,” Meredith interjected. “Which I do not approve of, so can we please not talk about it while I’m eating lunch?”

“Guys!” Callie interrupted, causing everyone at the table to stare at her. “Me. Problems. Answers.”

Cristina finished chewing her food and had just swallowed and opened her mouth to speak when she abruptly shut it again. Meredith immediately glanced down and studied her juice box with more interest than a juice box required, and Alex looked up to find Arizona standing over his shoulder.

There was a brief lull in the conversation, before Cristina and Meredith immediately stood up.

“Have to pee,” Yang blurted, grabbing her tray and walking toward the exit.

“I’m…gonna…help…” Meredith murmured, before following.

Alex sat there looking as though he’d missed something. He glanced at Callie, who just looked guilty and like she’d rather be anywhere else, and then back up at Arizona.

“Brick, Karev. Brick.” She smiled icily.

Within three seconds he was up and gone with his food.

Arizona sat down in the chair he had just vacated and stared at Callie. “You’ve been avoiding me all morning.”

Callie laughed out loud. “Me? Avoiding you?” She laughed again as she dropped her eyes down to the table, nervously adjusting her bowl of half-eaten soup. “That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.” And then her napkin. “Why would I do a thing like that? Avoid. Please. I don't avoid.” And then her drink. “I...If anything, I do the opposite of avoid. I...I...un-avoid.” Her brow furrowed as she closed her eyes and released a soft sigh of defeat.

“Callie?” Arizona called softly as she reached her hand across the table to gently lay it on top of her lover's. She smiled a little. “What's got you all 'cute, nervous and babble-y' this early in the morning, hm?”

Callie slowly opened her dark eyes to set them on the soft blue gaze staring back at her. She felt a little choked up, but pushed down the urge to scream or cry or...

Run.

Running was always good.

Another heavy sigh escaped from the mentally exhausted woman. What a big fat nothing of a help her so-called 'friends' had turned out to be.

The saddest thing was, she couldn't even go to her very best friend with this one.

“It's the kid thing.”

Arizona's brow hit her hairline, and then slowly furrowed back down. “The kid thing?” She paused a moment to think. “Sorry. The only thing I'm coming up with here are little baby goats.” Her brow furrowed again. “It’s not little baby goats, is it?”

Callie gave her an incredulous look. “I'm serious here, Arizona.” She sighed again, extracting her hand from beneath the blonde's. She fell back into her chair before reaching up to run a hand across her brow. She shook her head as a disbelieving laugh escaped from her lips. “I can't believe you kept something this major from me. Were you ever gonna tell me? Or was it always just gonna be this nice, fun little surprise it's turned out to be?”

Arizona blanked on that one.

“Kid surprise?” The blonde woman sat there for a second, smiling a little. “Sweetie, I’m not pregnant.”

Callie smacked her hand, which was still resting against the table. “I’m not saying…” She sighed deeply, obviously frustrated. “Last night. I made cartilage from jello and you said you didn’t want kids. You make a ‘bleh’ face and icky noises and then laughed about it.” Her glare was not a pleasant one.

Gulping, Arizona finally started to see where this was coming from.

Oops.

“I…didn’t…think…it…was…” She paused once more, looking up and mulling over her words before re-settling her gaze on her girlfriend. “I’m…I’m sorry? It may have been a little…harsh, the way it came out. I…didn’t realize we would need to talk about kids.” She said each word very slowly and careful, really not wanting to dig herself in any deeper here.

Callie scoffed. “Seriously? Did you seriously just say that to me right now.”

Arizona blinked.

“We're in a monogamous, committed relationship, Arizona,” Callie went on when the blonde still gave no response. “I'm planning to spend the rest of my life with you, and you didn't think kids would come up somewhere in that conversation?”

Arizona swallowed back as she shifted a bit uncomfortably in her chair. “Um...” She paused to smile nervously. “Is there any answer to that question that's not gonna get me a stream of way too fast, misunderstood Spanish...stuff?”

Callie got just a little angry at that. “You know what? Fine.” She shoved her chair back with a hard kick before jumping to her feet. “You don't want to have a rational, mature, adult conversation? Fine.” She quickly shoved the soup into the paper sack before crumpling it up and throwing it into the nearest trash bin. She turned back to level her girlfriend with a hard stare. “For someone who doesn't want kids, you sure know how to act like one.”

Arizona had never seen her girlfriend look so…frightening before.

No, scratch that. The last time she had seen Callie with that look on her face had been when she called George’s enlistment in the army ‘awesome’.

“Callie, wait,” Arizona begged, shoving out of her chair and jogging after the angry woman. She tried to ignore the fact that several people in the vicinity were staring at them with interest.

Lowering her voice, Dr. Robbins grabbed Callie by the arm and tugged her back around to face her. “You completely blindsided me with this too, you know. Can we please go somewhere and talk about it? Please?”

She gave Callie her best pleading stare, hoping it would pass off as ‘too cute to resist’, or…something. Anything that would keep the other woman from storming off in an angry rage.

But of course, during the brief pause that followed her request, before Callie could respond, that irritating little beep they were all so familiar with sounded from her hip.

Dammit.

Well aware of Callie’s hard glare shooting holes in her body, Arizona dropped the woman’s arm and reached down for her pager. She released a sigh.

Of course.

“I have to go.” She looked back up at Callie, this time with a more pointed expression. “Six year old with soft tissue sarcoma. Dying. Very little I can do. Only child in her family.”

And the parents were completely broken over it. Something she saw every day of her life.

No thanks.

“I’ll find you later,” she sighed, pushing past Callie and heading out the cafeteria door with a heavy feeling in her chest.

Callie kept her rigid stance as she watched the retreating form of her girlfriend's back get smaller and smaller in the distance. “Maybe you won't,” she finally mumbled before she turned to head in the opposite direction.

***

It was nearly four hours later before Dr. Torres was finally able to sit down again. She dropped her latest medical chart onto the desk with a heavy sigh as she fell down into the nearest vacant chair. Her head instantly met her hand as she leaned over with a long, drawn out moan.

“You might wanna be careful where you do that here.”

Callie yawned, but never opened her eyes. “Bite me...” Her eyes opened, fully expecting to see Yang, or Karev, or...

On second thought, she didn't really recognize the voice.

“Dr...” Callie stated blankly.

“Altman,” the heart surgeon smiled. “But you can call me Teddy.”

Right. She remembered now.

On any other day, at any other moment, Callie might have been just a little embarrassed. But today had already given her enough of a royal kick in the ass, so she just let that one slide.

“Sorry,” the brunette waved a hand. “Thought you were someone else.” Her brow ticked as her face made its way back into her propped hand. “Or one of many someone elses’. Who all seem to be very useless these days.”

Teddy was still absently scribbling on the medical chart, but kept her slight smile. “Well, I always try to be as useful as I can. Heart surgeon and all.” She flipped the chart closed before tossing it into a nearby bin. She clicked her pen shut and then tucked it back into the pocket of her scrubs. “I know we're not exactly as tight as most people seem to be around here, but I'm willing to give listening a shot.”

Callie's eyebrow once again rose as she opened her eyes and turned to fix her gaze on the other doctor. “Seriously?”

Teddy shrugged. “I've got ten minutes.” Her brow furrowed. “Make that seven. I'm still waiting on my standard three minutes of inane, boring chatter with the head of psychology whom I can't seem to avoid these days.”

Avoidance. Something Callie knew well.

Dr. Torres sighed as she dropped her head back onto her chair. “My girlfriend just recently informed me on a fluke that she doesn't want kids, and now I'm suddenly feeling like our entire relationship was one big, fat, ass-sucking lie.”

Teddy looked down at Callie, surprised to hear the fierceness in her voice. “Was? You and Dr. Robbins broke up?”

Callie shook her head. “No. We’re just…well, I’m just very pissed off right now. And lost. And she doesn’t seem to think it’s that big of a deal.”

“So you’ve…talked about it since then?”

Callie paused. “Not…extensively.”

Smiling, Dr. Altman received a chart an eager looking intern suddenly passed into her hands. Ignoring the girl, she flipped idly through to check on the patient’s progress. “Well…I’m no expert at the whole ‘relationship’ game, but talking about it seems like a first step. And I like Arizona, despite the fact that she pushed the whole friendship thing in an overbearing kind of way in the beginning…but she seems nice and reasonable. And she’s obviously crazy about you,” she pointed out. Then, she looked up at Callie. “How does a pediatric surgeon not want kids?”

“I know, right!” Callie shouted as she suddenly jumped forward in her chair with an animated wave of her hand. “That's like the first thing I said, too. How can she work with kids all day, seeing their cute, sweet little...” She trailed off as she made vague gestures with her hands.

Teddy's brow raised in amusement as her smile widened.

“...a-and not wanna take one home!” the brunette finished after a moment.

“Well, I-” Teddy started again, but was quickly cut off as the other doctor jumped to her feet. She jerked back in surprise.

“And another thing,” Callie went on, leaning toward Teddy over the desk. “Why would she not think to bring this up, oh, I don't know...before now? I mean, we've been going at this thing for months now, almost a year, and she hasn't so much as breathed a word about it. I mean, come on!”

Callie slapped her hand down onto the counter, causing Teddy to jump in surprise again. “She's a frikken' pediatric surgeon! I was under the impression that future children were implied. Eso es absurdo!”

Teddy waited for a second to see if Callie was done, and then swallowed back. “Um…” The other woman was still looking rather…intense, so she wanted to tread carefully. “Well…I really, really think you should talk to her about it. I can’t answer for her, so…I’m sorry?” She winced. “Guess I’m turning out to be one of those useless people, huh?”

Callie sighed heavily and flomped back down onto her chair. “Apparently,” she replied sharply. “But it’s fine. It’s okay. I’m just…ranting. And angry.”

“All the more reason to get the subject out in the open, Dr. Torres. You’ll feel better. Festering just gives you heart disease, believe me, I’ve seen it.” With a sympathetic smile, Dr. Altman noticed the guy she had been waiting for bustling down the hall toward her. “Oh, crap. So much for those last three minutes.” She sighed and glanced down toward Callie. “Good luck with…everything. You can find me later if you need.”

Callie dropped her head back onto her hand as she watched the blonde doctor dart off in the opposite direction of the rapidly approaching man.

“Dr. Altman!” he called with a finger in the air. He paused to adjust his thick, black rimmed glasses. “Oh, Dr. Altman!”

Callie pouted.

She really wished she was Teddy right now.

Anything had to be better than this.

***

“It’s spread,” Arizona stated with dismay from behind her surgical mask. The six year old girl with cancer in her chest now had it wrapped around several of her organs. Removing some of it would be a challenge, and removing all of it was impossible.

Going in, she’d known there wasn’t much she could do, but not trying wasn’t an option.

Now the girl was probably going to die within the next few weeks, and she’d have to go out into the waiting room and tell her parents.

This job royally sucked sometimes.

“Yang, get in here and hold back some of the tissue so I can get a good look underneath,” she instructed the resident standing across the patient from her. “And stop pouting. You’ll be back on Dr. Altman’s service tomorrow, with all the hearts you could ever wish to cut open.”

“There's one I'd really like to cut open right now,” Cristina mumbled under her breath.

Arizona shot her a look from across the table. “What was that?”

“What?” Yang looked up sharply. “Nothing.” She dropped her eyes back down to the patient as she reached in to do just as the pediatric surgeon had instructed. Her eyes narrowed as she pushed her hands from one way to the other. “It's a mess in here.”

“Is that your professional diagnosis, Dr. Yang?” Arizona teased as she reached for a scalpel.

Yang shot her a dirty look. “Are all you lesbians this much of a smart ass when you're in the doghouse?”

A silence suddenly fell over the operating room. Cristina's eyes widened as soon as she realized her slip. “Shit.”

“Excuse me?” Dr. Robbins had stopped with her hands still inside the body cavity of the girl. Even though the only facial feature you could see were her eyes, they were very, very deadly looking right about now.

Very deadly.

“I’m…” Cristina balked, realizing she was on very thin ice here. “I…didn’t mean to…I -”

Arizona forced herself to drop her eyes back to the surgery she was currently performing, but her movements were much more stiff and forceful. She was very aware that everyone inside that OR was watching the two of them. “So she decided to tell the entire world about it except me? Great. Awesome. Perfect.”

“Not the entire world,” Cristina tried to reason. “Just me, Meredith, and Alex.”

“Alex?” Arizona suddenly growled, looking up again. “What the hell is with her and that...that...”

“Overgrown sex monkey?” Yang supplied.

“Yeah. Him! She’ll talk to him but she won’t talk to m-” Arizona jerked her hand as a thousand different monitors suddenly began beeping and screeching all at once.

Yang's eyes widened.

“Crap,” Arizona muttered.

***

Callie was passed out on the sofa in the on-call room when Mark Sloan came barging in.

“Oh no,” he shook his head as soon as he saw the image of his best friend fast asleep. “This isn't gonna do. Sleeping away your problems isn't gonna solve them.”

Grunting, Callie reached up to shove a hand at his chest when he loomed over her. “Go away.”

“Come on,” Mark went on as he pulled at her arm. “We're gonna figure this out right now.”

“Don't wanna!” Callie pouted as she shoved at him again. “Sleeeeep,” she moaned in protest.

Mark was about to do his manly duty, picking Callie up and throwing her over his shoulder if he had to, when the on-call room door suddenly opened.

Arizona, looking exhausted and rather unhappy, froze as soon as she saw the pair staring back at her in surprise.

“…crap.”

She then turned abruptly and left.

Mark shot the stunned Callie a quick glance before running after her.

Arizona only got ten feet away from the on-call room when Sloan suddenly grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her back, blocking her escape by planting his palm against the wall next to her head. She was way too tired to punch him or resist or whatever, so she just gave him an unhappy glare. “Get out of my way. Now. I’m seriously not up for this.”

“Yeah, well, it's not exactly a big bucket of sunshine for me either,” Mark shot back as he held her gaze. “But if you two don't wanna grow up and just talk about it, then I guess I'm all you got left.”

“I tried to talk,” Arizona shot back as she pushed herself away from the wall, getting in his face. “I tried to talk to her and all she wanted to do was...was...scream and...and point fingers and...accuse...”

“You're just the sweet little innocent victim in all of this, aren't you?” the plastic surgeon retorted as he pushed himself away from the wall to fold his arms over his chest. “Poor little you got picked on by the big bad, heart-broken mean old wolf.”

Arizona's expression faltered. “H...heart-broken?” Her brow furrowed. “Did she...did she say that? Was that her exact word?”

Mark was quiet for a moment. “She didn't have to. I know her.”

Arizona felt a pang of jealously/guilt. “I...I wasn't trying t-to...”

“I know,” Sloan offered softly as he reached out with a hand to place it on the blonde woman's shoulder. “That's usually when we do it the worst.”

Arizona tilted her head with a little half-smile. “Since when are you the rational, sane, 'deep one' on relationships?”

Mark quirked his patented smirk. “Just get in there.” He nodded towards the room. “And don't say anything about her Spanish this time.”

Arizona grimaced.

***

Callie nervously chewed on her thumb nail as she sat on the couch in the quiet room. Her right leg was bouncing at a steady pace up and down as she glanced from the doorway, to the coffee table, to the doorway again.

Very, very reluctantly, Arizona slowly appeared around the corner of it and leaned against the frame. The two shared a long, uncertain look. After a few seconds, the blonde stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. “Hey.”

Callie looked down at the table again. “Hey.”

Swallowing back, Arizona slowly made her way over to her girlfriend. Instead of sitting next to her on the couch, she sat directly in front of her on the coffee table and reached out to gently take both of the brunette’s hands in her own, looking up to meet her gaze directly. “I’m sorry for storming out. Bad day.” She squeeze those warm hands in her own. “Can we talk now? Please?”

Callie sighed. “We're talking.” She didn't mean for it to sound so bitchy. She wasn't even really all that angry anymore.

Just...tired. She was so tired. Emotionally more than physically.

A moment of silence passed. “How could you not tell me something so major?” the brunette spoke up softly as she looked up to meet those deep blue eyes that still made her heart flutter. “I mean...seriously, Arizona. How could you not want kids?”

Arizona swallowed hard again and glanced down. She knew she had to be careful here. “To…answer your first question, I…didn’t think of it. Kids aren’t exactly something I bring up in the beginning of a relationship, and to be honest, I haven’t thought about them lately, so…I guess I just didn’t think to when we got more serious.” She sighed, not finding the words she knew Callie needed to hear. “I’m sorry for the way it came out. I never, ever wanted to hurt you, baby.” It killed her inside to see Callie so hurt by something that she had said.

“But…” And here was where she knew she had to be really careful. “I love kids, I do, but doing the job that I do, I just…I can’t.”

Thoughts of the dead little girl on her table from this morning made her heart seize in her chest.

“I see the worst possible things that could possibly happen every day of my life, I see what it does to families who lose their children, and even what happens to those who make it through.” She glanced up to see Callie frowning at her, and knew she needed to explain it more.

“When Wallace died…” Arizona trailed off for a moment, a few seconds of silence passing by. “He wasn’t even mine, but I’d been working with him for two years. And on his birthday, he’s lying dead on my table. You saw me after, I couldn’t even cope with that.” Her eyes met Callie’s, the pain in them obvious. “I shut myself out to the possibility of having kids a long, long time ago, Calliope. I had to, in order to do my job.”

Callie just sat for a few moments, staring back into those deep blue eyes she had fallen so hard for. “I get all that,” she finally spoke up softly. “I understand you have your issues. You're allowed to have your issues. I have mine too.” She paused to take in a breath. “But...kids are like...” The look in her dark gaze shifted and it was obvious she was searching for the right words.

“I'm Spanish,” she finally stated bluntly. “In case you didn't already notice,” Callie added after a moment, a slight smile gracing her lips. “I grew up in a pretty big family. There were always somebody's kids running around some where.”

Arizona allowed herself a tiny little smile at that.

Callie took in an uneasy breath. “As I got older, I kinda got used to the sound of all the tiny little feet.” Her smile softened. “It wasn't long before I knew that someday, that was the only sound I ever wanted to hear in my own house, with the person that I loved with all of my heart.”

Arizona felt even worse for being so insensitive the night before. “I’m sorry, sweetie,” she sighed, and then leaned in to kiss the other woman softly. “I had no idea this was going to turn out to be such a big deal when I said those things last night. I should have been more thoughtful before I said anything. Or didn’t say anything. Or…you know.”

She smiled weakly, and then glanced down at their clasped hands. “Can we just…I mean, we’re no where near that stage right now, so can’t we just…set it aside for now?” The blonde woman looked up hopefully.

She really, really didn’t want to fight anymore. They never fought up until now, and Arizona definitely preferred the not-fighting version of them.

Callie's brow took its slow, steady time to meet her hairline. “You're joking, right?” When Arizona just continued to stare back at her, she finally released a harsh breath. “You gotta be fucking kidding me.” She pulled her hands from the blonde's grasp as she jumped to her feet. “'Just set it aside'? It's not a fucking water bill, Arizona.” She quickly reached down to snag her scrub top from the back of the couch before pushing her way around the coffee table.

The brunette surgeon paused for a moment to regain some of her composure as she quickly pulled the top on over her long sleeved black shirt. She pulled her dark, wavy hair out of the neckline before turning back to face her girlfriend. “I seriously can't believe you just said that to me. Just because you might not think this is important, or just because you might not give a rats ass about kids, doesn't mean I can just pretend it never happened.” She placed her hands on her hips as she let out a slow, uneasy sigh.

A smile worked it's way onto her lips as she shook her head in disbelief. “I can't believe I ever thought I could actually build something here.”

Arizona dropped her head into her palm.

Dammit.

“Wait,” she interrupted, jumping up and trying not to trip over the table as she moved around to the other side. “I didn’t mean indefinitely, okay? I just meant for right now.”

Callie’s death glare deepened, and Arizona flinched a little.

“Which I can see was a bad idea!” She held up both hands in a surrendering gesture. “I blame my fear of open conflict! Just, wait a second, please, please don’t leave!”

She managed to get between Callie and the door, leaning back against it to block the exit. She was prepared to fight to keep it that way. “Are you talking about now? As in, you want them…now? Because I’m an attending, and you just became an attending, and we both work eighteen hour shifts and sometimes don’t go home for days on end. So the prospect of having children right now is just…terrifying.” She gulped, her mind still reeling in trying to make this right.

“I’m not asking you to pump out a kid for me right this very second!” Callie snarled back, making Arizona flinch again. “But I also don’t want to wait twenty years for you to decide whether you’d have the casual interest or not!”

Sighing, Arizona struggled to speak for a moment. “I don’t…know, okay? I can’t just…decide something like that on the spot. Until this morning the only kids on my mind were my patients.”

Callie heaved a sigh of defeat. “Y'know, whatever,” she finally replied with an erratic wave of her hand through the air. “I changed my mind. I don't wanna talk about this anymore.” She paused to swallow back the thick lump that had suddenly formed in her throat. “I...I don't wanna say something I can't take back.”

Arizona pushed herself off the door, suddenly feeling a little...perturbed. “What's that supposed to mean?”

Callie's eyes widened just a bit. “Oh, I think it's pretty self-explanatory.”

The blonde surgeon tipped her head to the side, her eyes narrowing just a bit. “Is that a threat? Are you threatening me?”

“Oh please,” the brunette scoffed in return. “I've had gerbils more frightening than you.”

Arizona’s eyes narrowed even further. “I resent that. You know how much I hate rodents.”

“Right, I forgot, you prefer chickens to tiny little babies!” Callie shot back.

“So what if I do? I have a career, and a life, and I like it that way!” Arizona stepped up and stuck her index finger into Callie’s chest, pushing her a little, while her other hand stuck firmly to her hip. “I’m good at being a surgeon, and a woman, and up until today a girlfriend, so why screw it all up by throwing a bunch of sticky little babies covered with various cold and flu bacteria into it?!”

She poked Callie hard again.

“That's not all they ever are!” Callie screamed back in return as she reached up to snag the blonde's finger in mid-poke. “That's all you can seem to think about them, but what about all the good stuff, hm?” She dropped Arizona's hand, but kept their gazes locked. “What about how soft their skin is? About how good they smell?” She tilted her head. “Most of the time. And what about when they first smile up at you? Or...or when they say their first word.”

A soft, sad smile had now found its way onto the brunette's lips. “Take their first step. Have their first day of kindergarten, and cling to your leg because they don't want you to leave.” Her lip began to quiver and she had to shake her head to quell the urge to just give in. “What about watching them grow up? Reading bedtime stories and tucking them in. Putting a band-aid on when they get an 'owie'.” Her smile returned. But just a little.

“Those are all good things, Arizona,” Callie added as her voice softened. “I know there's bad stuff like colds and waking up hungry every two hours. Skinned knees and broken bones. But they're human, too. Sweet, precious, tiny little humans that you help create.” She gazed deeply into those blue eyes, desperate for a bit of understanding to shine back at her. “You said it yourself. They're the tiny humans.” She paused to let out a shaky breath. “Sure there's bad stuff, but there's all that good, too.”

A moment of silence passed between them, and it took a second before Arizona found the words to break it. Her voice was very quiet this time. “I know that there’s good stuff. I do. And I know that not every kid gets horrible diseases or has bad things happen to them. But when you do what I do every single day, all you can think about is those horrible diseases and bad things that can happen. I see the tiny little coffins, filled with tiny little humans that I couldn’t save every single night. And I see the parents who need to be picked up off the waiting room floor because their child no longer exists in this world, and they don’t know how to deal with it. And I know that I’m crazy and neurotic for it, but I’ve never wanted the possibility of feeling that in my life. Not again.”

Arizona had to look away suddenly, feeling tears stinging at her eyes. Stupid, stupid emotions and the tear ducts they attached to. “I’m sorry. I’ve have a really, really bad day filled with dead kids, and I realize I’m projecting the crazy woman Grim Reaper here, and I…I’m sorry.”

Callie sighed yet again as she slowly closed her eyes. Her head was really starting to hurt, so she reached up to rub at her left temple. “Look, Arizona,” she started as calmly as she could. She dropped her hand away as she opened her eyes to focus in on the blonde. “I see that nothing I say is gonna make you change your mind, or look past this...” She paused to wave a hand in the other woman's direction. “...'thing' you've got in your head. I get that.” She dropped her hand back uselessly to her side. “But I'm just not up for another mind-fuck of a relationship right now.” She grew quiet as her stomach started to churn with very unpleasant feelings. Her heart was aching a little, too. “I finally know exactly what I want, and I'm so tired of shoving that down for what everyone else wants instead.”

Callie had to quickly turn away. She could feel the burning sting of tears welling up behind her eyes. “It just...” She tried to speak, but had to pause to swallow down the sob that suddenly lodged itself in her chest. “I...It seems that we just want very...very different things. There's nothing wrong with...that.” She reached up with her hand to quickly swipe at her eyes. She sniffled loudly. “We...we h-had fun, right?”

“Fun?” Arizona looked up in disbelief. “Calliope, I’m in love with you. This wasn’t some…‘fun’ little experiment for me.”

She stepped up behind Callie and gently put a hand on her arm, turning her back around, face-to-face once more. “You’re breaking up with me.” It came out as a statement, and not the pleading question she had formed in her mind.

Callie made a tiny little whimpering sound from somewhere in the back of her throat. “It's not like I want to,” she replied softly, her voice clearly strained. “‘Cause God,” she sighed heavily. “I'm so in love with you.” She was barely holding on now.

Callie took a short step forward as she reached up with a shaking hand to gently brush back a few stray strands of soft blonde hair. “But...” She paused as another tiny little whimper escaped. “But if we...i-if we stay together, one of us is...is gonna have to compromise.” Her fingers were now barely touching the soft skin of the other woman's cheek. “This is a pretty big one. I don't wanna resent you, or have you ever...ever resent me.”

Arizona was left completely speechless.

Twenty four hours ago, she was happy and cheerful and in love and life was perfect. And now…

Fuck.

But what could she say? Callie was making it pretty clear.

She couldn’t find the words, so instead she stepped into the other woman and pulled her into a soft, but deep kiss, both hands grasping softly around the back of her neck.

Callie nearly sobbed into the kiss as the tears began to flow. She reached up with both arms to wrap them around the slightly shorter woman's shoulders. She pulled Arizona to her, clinging with everything she had to the warmth and security of her body.

She'd gotten so used to that feeling for so many nights now.

How was she ever -

Callie reached down with her right hand to snag the blonde by the front of her scrubs. She pulled her along as she started to stumble back towards the nearest bed. Her heel slammed hard into the coffee table, but she ignored the throbbing pain as she continued to move.

Arizona allowed herself to be easily pulled along, then promptly tripped at the edge of the bed and fell against Callie as they both tumbled backward.

Her body molded into the familiarity of her lover’s, and she didn’t break off the steamy kiss for one second. One hand dropped down to tug up on the scrub shirt Callie had just put on two minutes before, eager to get it off again.

The brunette moaned softly as she instantly lifted the upper half of her body from the bed to allow the shirt to be pulled over her head. It was quickly tossed to the side a moment before she reached down to grab at the hem of the blonde's.

Arizona reluctantly broke the kiss just long enough to pull back and allow her partner to pull the material from her body. Their lips were instantly reconnected a second later.

But there were still clothes. Way, way too many clothes.

Callie felt the other woman's hands pushing up beneath the hem of the black shirt she wore underneath. It was kinda cold today. She always wore it when it was cold.

Always the impatient one, Arizona tugged it roughly up and cursed softly into the kiss when it snagged on the back of Callie’s bra. Her fingers were clumsy and shaking as she un-snagged the material, and then pulled it up and over the other woman’s head. She felt hands instantly yanking at the blue long sleeve she had worn beneath her own scrubs, and sat up just enough to let Callie work at the top few buttons.

Right now, she wouldn’t have cared if Callie ripped it in half, so long as it was away on the floor with the rest of their clothing.

***

Outside of the door, Mark Sloan stood with his back to it, arms crossed over his chest and a narrow-eyed glare on his face to everyone who passed.

Whatever those two were doing in there was taking a lot longer than he had anticipated, but as Callie’s wingman, he would stand there forever if necessary, making sure their ‘talk’ went uninterrupted.

“Move it along,” he barked to a group of first year interns that came a little too close. He smirked widely when they jumped and scurried away.

Yep. He was good at his manly duties. Which were starting to include visions of what those two beautiful ladies were up to inside…

***

“Ow,” Arizona grunted when her head smacked the bunk above her. She had pulled back from the kiss to sit up long enough to allow Callie to pull her other shirt off, and now had a concussion to show for it.

Somehow, she cared less when Callie sat up beneath her and they were kissing again.

“No time for pain,” Callie whispered as she pulled back from the blonde's lips, the loaded, double meaning of those words not even a little bit lost on her. “More kissing.” And touching.

And feeling.

That's all she really gave a crap about at the moment.

It wasn't a moment later before Arizona's undershirt met her scrub top on the floor. Callie's hands were immediately drawn to the soft, smooth skin of the blonde's stomach.

Callie’s hands were a little bit cold, and the touch made Arizona shiver.

In the best possible way.

Arizona moaned softly into the kiss, tangling her fingers into dark brown locks of hair. She shifted a bit more so she was straddling Callie while the taller girl sat up beneath her. She dropped both hands from behind her neck to run them down the front of her body, and then slid the right one around to smoothly unsnap the clip on the other woman’s bra with one quick movement.

She grinned into the kiss, just a little. Callie always teased her about how that was her ‘move’. She could get a girl’s bra off before they’d even notice.

Callie pulled back from the kiss with a sudden, sharp gasp. “Don't waste it,” she whispered hotly as she reached back to grab Arizona's right hand. She kept their eyes locked, her breathing low and ragged as she pulled the other woman's arm back around to the front of her body.

Callie jumped a little when her lover's cold fingers made contact with her stomach. She fought down the feeling as she slowly slid the blonde's hand further and further down.

Dark brown eyes glazed over with unshed tears as the attending bit her lip to hold back a choked sob.

To think that this was possibly the last time she'd ever feel the smooth burn of Arizona's touch. Or taste those sweet, intoxicating lips. To know the complete surrender of her climax as her girlfriend held her gently in those arms...

Callie squeezed her eyes shut as she continued to push her lover's hand down.

Arizona slid it smoothly down beneath the waistline of Callie’s scrub pants, and her fingers instantly met with wetness. It made her groan softly and she leaned in to steal one more kiss.

They’d been together almost a year, and by now Arizona knew exactly what Callie’s body craved. She knew every sensitive little spot, from the one just below her ear to the very inner part of her thigh.

For right now, she knew not to waste any time.

Her fingers stroked and massaged in all the right places, and for a moment she wanted to smile when Callie clamped her eyes shut and gasped in that way that she always did. Arizona loved that.

And the last thing she wanted to think about was never seeing or hearing or touching like this again, so she leaned in to kiss feverishly down Callie’s neck, leaving no patch of skin untouched.

The brunette lifted her fingers to weave them deeply into the soft blonde locks of her lover. They felt as good as they smelled.

Which was always so amazing.

It didn't matter what Arizona had done that day, or even if it was the moment she woke up, her hair always smelled so good.

It was the kind of smell Callie had committed to memory. She was pretty glad for that right now.

Callie squeezed her eyes shut, digging her fingers in a deeply as she could.

There were a lot of things about this moment that she never wanted to forget.

Pulling back from Callie’s neck, Arizona attacked her lips with another deep, passionate kiss. She leaned into her body, and they both ended up falling back onto the mattress once more.

For all everyone complained about the on-call room mattresses being hard and lumpy, they sure were handy for things other than sleeping.

Which is why the sheets got changed three times a day.

Arizona moaned into the kiss, as her fingers touched and teased at Callie’s sex. She shifted so her thigh pressed against the back of her hand, and rocked forward against her lover to apply a little more pressure.

She loved the breathless groan that came from the other woman. She loved how she felt against her own body, how soft her skin was, how she shivered uncontrollably whenever she came…

Arizona Robbins loved everything about Calliope Torres, and it killed her inside to think…anything right now.

So she didn’t let herself think beyond the moment.

Thinking was the very last thing on Callie's mind, too.

If that even made any sense at all. Nothing else seemed to anymore.

Callie squeezed her eyes shut tighter, the burn of her unshed tears intensifying ten-fold. The fingers of her left hand were still buried deeply into blonde locks as she reached down with her right to place it on the other woman's hip. Her head turned to press her lips against a warm ear. “I love you,” she whispered with a shaky breath.

Arizona fought back the wave of emotion that came crashing down over her at those words. “I love you,” she whispered right back, turning her face into Callie’s soft, dark hair, a few tears breaking loose from the dam she was trying to build up. “I’m so sorry.”

She knew it was her fault they were breaking up, but it wasn’t something she could just…give in over. It made sense on paper, with them both having very different views of the future, but in her heart…

She loved Callie, and didn’t want to lose her. Not like this.

Arizona fought back against the tears and pressed her lips against Callie’s neck.

Callie held the warmth of the other woman's body as tightly against her own as she could without them melding together into one.

Sometimes, she felt like that. Like they were...one.

How could two people so in love be torn apart by one little fucking thing...

But it wasn't really so little. And she just couldn't give in either. There were some things she was willing to compromise. That's what you did when you were in love. But some things...some things you just couldn't. Callie had wanted kids ever since she could remember.

That wasn’t going to change.

It took a lot of effort, but Arizona pushed everything else to the back of her mind except her and Callie, right then and there. She wanted to get lost in the woman she loved.

Even if it was…one last time.

“Kiss me,” she breathed, pulling back from her lover’s neck, in an almost desperate, pleading tone.

And when they kissed again, neither of them were thinking anymore.

---