Scar Tissue (Part Two) -- Chapter 25
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Scar Tissue (Part Two)
Chapter 25
Authors: kennedysbitch & livelovelearneg
Beta'd by englishstrawbie
Rating: NC-17 [Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content]
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer
Scar Tissue [masterpost]
Summary: When Arizona Robbins’ brother dies in Iraq, her life takes off in a completely different direction. Now a highly-rated trauma surgeon with the United States Marine Corps, she spends the three years following his death serving their country overseas - until an insurgent attack leaves her with debilitating injuries. Traveling to Seattle at her father’s request, she falls under the care of orthopedic surgeon Dr. Calliope Torres. Damaged emotionally and physically, Arizona tries to start the healing process with the help of a headstrong woman she never saw coming.
Part Two: Now free from the confines of a hospital bed for the first time
in almost five months, Arizona begins her physical and emotional recovery while
navigating a budding yet rocky relationship with Callie Torres.
Warnings: Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content
Trailer:
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July 3rd, 2009
Seattle was a truly wonderful place to settle and Arizona couldn’t imagine a more serene location in which to spend her recovery. The beginning of summer brought warmth and a thousand different shades of green to the landscape, drawing the population outside and breathing new life into the air. If she’d had full use of both legs, she would have enjoyed daily runs in one of the many parks lining the Sound. Together with Callie, she still managed to venture out for short walks here and there, her pain levels allowing.
The downside to living on the northwest coast, she had discovered, was the rain. For almost four days now the sun had been trapped behind a curtain of grey and a steady drizzle was starting to cramp her style. Rain meant a low pressure system had parked itself over the state and low pressure meant achy joints. This was particularly true the older those joints were - or, in Arizona’s case, the newer.
On the Friday before the Independence Day weekend, Callie spent the afternoon in their kitchen preparing a fresh batch of homemade soup to combat the cold spell outside. Arizona had gone for a ‘short’ nap around three o’clock and it had since turned into more than four hours of solitude. It was well past dinner time when Callie finally caved in and knocked on the bedroom door.
“Arizona?” She waited for a reply before repeating the action. “Can I come in?”
Hearing what sounded like a moan, she turned the handle and silently crept inside. The room was dark with the curtains drawn over the window, but after a moment she was able to spot Arizona resting face down on the bed. Her legs stuck out from the sheets wrapped haphazardly around her body and she looked like she hadn’t moved a muscle in hours.
“How are you feeling?” Callie asked, wincing on her girlfriend’s behalf.
“High,” came the hoarse response.
That made Callie chuckle, even as a flood of sympathy filled her belly. She kept the door open as she moved forward and climbed onto the mattress. “Is it helping?”
“No,” Arizona groaned into her pillow, making no move to turn over. She was relieved when a comforting arm slid around her waist and Callie’s soft lips grazed the side of her neck. “I think we should move to California. Or Nevada. Someplace dry and barren, where they’ve never even heard of rain.”
Callie let out a small laugh. “I’m sorry. This is the worst it’s been in a while, huh?”
“I took two super pills,” Arizona mumbled in defeat, finally mustering up enough energy to turn her face in the right direction. Even in the darkness, her eyes were hazy and full of discomfort. “I can’t feel my tongue, but it’s like the Hulk took a sledge hammer to the back of my leg.”
Frowning, Callie leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “Taking more meds probably isn’t a good idea. Not if you want to function for the next twenty-four hours.”
“I know,” Arizona sighed, licking her lips and wishing she had some water. Her mouth felt like sandpaper. She also wished that her head didn’t feel like it was trapped inside a fish bowl, but that didn’t seem to be going away any time soon, either.
“I would be a terrible drug addict. This sucks.”
Callie smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind Arizona’s ear. “Just relax and enjoy the doctor-prescribed high. I know you hate taking them but it’ll get you through the night.”
That was the best outcome Arizona could hope for. “What time is it?” she asked tiredly, pushing weight into her forearms so she could glance at the alarm clock. For a moment she thought she was so high that she couldn’t even read time correctly. “Seven? I thought it was after midnight.”
“It’s almost seven thirty,” Callie clarified. She rubbed a soothing hand along the blonde’s lower back. “You should probably get something solid into your stomach. Think you can get to the kitchen okay?”
Arizona released another pitiful moan and dropped her face into the pillow. She hated this. Although the pain was diluted, her knee was pulsing in time with her heartbeat and she felt like a zombie from the Demerol. Being sluggish and not in control of her own body was awful. “Don’t know; I feel gross. Should probably just stay away from people until I can shower.”
“Well you’re not wafting or anything, so I think you can skip it for now,” Callie teased. Truthfully, she didn’t think Arizona could sit upright long enough to keep herself from drowning in the tub. “How about I help you change into something less sweaty?”
Arizona nodded and Callie climbed over top of her to get up. With some effort, Arizona rolled onto her side and watched her root around the dresser for something comfortable to wear. The smell of food subtly drifted into the room and reached her nose at the same time. “Dinner smells good. Sorry I missed it.”
“There’s plenty left,” Callie replied, fluffing out a white tank top and then searching for some pants. “Let me get you to the couch first and then I can put a meal together.”
“My hero,” Arizona said with a shaky smile. She watched Callie approach, knowing that something as simple as a fresh change of clothing would help her feel much better.
Setting the garments on the bed, Callie untangled Arizona’s legs from the blankets and carefully helped her into a sitting position. She grasped the front of the sweaty t-shirt and guided it up over her head. Arizona’s pale, clammy skin visibly shone in the soft light, and as gorgeous as Callie still found her to be, she was more concerned about her condition than admiring her fine physique.
“If I could feel my hands, I would totally be taking advantage of you right now,” Arizona slurred, flashing Callie what was supposed to pass for a sexy smile.
“Keep it in your pants, Casanova,” Callie smirked, waiting for clumsy arms to raise before sliding the clean tank top over them. Once it was in place, she dropped to her knees and rested her palms on Arizona’s thighs. “Can you stand up for me?”
It took two tries, but Arizona was finally able to settle some weight into the soles of her feet. She kept a hand on Callie’s shoulder for balance, watching her take the utmost care in guiding the cotton shorts down her legs. Not for the first time, she wished she was in better shape and able to enjoy the moment.
Callie was the perfect gentlemen, however, helping Arizona step out of her shorts without so much as a teasing grope. She rolled each pant leg up and fit them over her feet, guiding the material to her waist before tying the drawstring in a loose bow. As a final gesture, she had Arizona sit down again so she could fit her with some warm socks.
“Better?” Callie asked, sitting back on her heels and looking up.
Arizona nodded wordlessly and leaned forward, showing her appreciation with a small kiss. “You are awesome.”
“So I’ve been told,” Callie murmured, grinning. Her eyes dropped to the injury situated between them. “Can I take a peek at your knee?”
Too stoned to protest, Arizona nodded and let Callie push the pant leg up to expose the achy joint.
Alternating between focusing what she was doing and watching for a reaction, Callie began to massage the lower half of Arizona’s leg, starting with her knee and working her way down to her calf. There was more bulk to the muscle than the last time she had done this, which made her smile. Arizona had been swimming for two weeks now and the difference was noticeable.
“Ouch,” Arizona grimaced as Callie’s attention wandered back up to her knee. “You’re not gonna stick a giant needle in there again, are you?”
“No, there isn’t any fluid build up, it’s just swelling,” Callie said reassuringly. She worked for another thirty seconds before giving the leg a final squeeze. “C’mon. Let’s get you settled on the couch and eating, then I’ll give you another rub.”
“A sexy rub?” Arizona asked in a weak attempt at flirting.
Rolling her eyes in a playful fashion, Callie stood up and took Arizona’s hands. “You have even less tolerance for drugs than you do for alcohol. But I guess that’s a good thing.”
“Hardy har har,” Arizona pouted, squeezing Callie’s arms to stop herself from swaying as she stood. “Can you get my crutches, please?”
“I’ll do you one better,” Callie said confidently. Bracing herself, she went for a dramatic arm sweep in grand fashion, only to send them both toppling over when she lost her balance and nearly dropped Arizona on her ass. They stumbled backwards and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor, completely killing the moment in one fell swoop movement.
A profuse blush invaded Callie’s cheeks while Arizona started to giggle hysterically, apparently finding the whole thing funny as hell.
“Now who’s the ‘Casanova’?” Arizona wheezed, lying sprawled on top of the brunette in the middle of her bedroom floor. “Very smooth, Doctor Torres.”
“Shut up,” Callie whined, wiggling out from underneath the tangle of limbs and clambering to her feet. “I was trying to be chivalrous, but you’re not exactly a stick bug anymore.”
Arizona gasped in mock offense as she was hauled upright by a strong hand. “Are you calling me fat?”
Callie swatted her in the thigh and snagged an arm around her slender waist. “No, I’m saying that you’re healthy again, not to mention in crazy good shape right now. I might need to try a little harder if we’re gonna do the whole ‘me carrying you’ thing.”
“I think for of both our sakes, it’s safer if I walk,” Arizona snickered, curling a hand around Callie’s neck and planting a kiss of appreciation on her cheek. “But thank you, that was very sweet.”
Still embarrassed about the failed display of romanticism, Callie retrieved the crutches and helped Arizona steady herself on them. Then she swept an arm out to the side, gesturing toward the door. “After you, SheHulk.”
***
Arizona settled on their couch as Callie puttered around the kitchen, cozy and warm under a pile of blankets while she watched reruns of House Hunters International. It was hard to focus on much of anything with the strong painkillers swimming through her veins, so for the most part she just lay there and tried to stay awake.
“Dinner is served,” Callie announced a few minutes later, bustling into the living room with a tray full of food.
Arizona sat up and leaned against the armrest for support. Her eyes widened significantly when the tray was balanced in her lap. “Yummy. What do we have here?”
“Gouda panini, butternut squash soup, and homemade lemonade,” Callie said proudly, stepping back to survey her work. “Bon appétit.”
Arizona gazed adoringly at her girlfriend. “You’re amazing. I don’t know how I ever got so lucky.”
Callie grinned mischievously as she flopped down, easing Arizona’s blanket-covered feet into her lap. “Oh, the surprise isn’t over yet.”
Arizona frowned as Callie switched television sources and turned the DVD player on with the remote. Her heart leapt as the title menu for The Sound of Music appeared on-screen. “Aw, you remembered!”
“Remembered?” Callie echoed, lifting an eyebrow. “How could I forget? That was like our very first date. It was one of the best afternoons I’ve ever had.”
There didn’t need to be three-hundred milligrams of narcotics in her system for Arizona to melt into a puddle of warm and gooey feelings on the inside. Before she could even begin to search out the right response, one that would convey exactly how much the woman meant to her, Callie hit ‘play’ and the introductory credits began to roll. It took considerable effort for Arizona to focus on the food in her lap instead of her partner.
Being open with her feelings was never something she had been good at. Callie stirred up emotions that she rarely knew how to express, especially to the extent that she felt them. There was no doubt in Arizona’s mind that Callie was a huge reason for the last few weeks being so successful, and there were no words to properly express the gratitude she felt because of that - at least, not while she was this impaired. It was probably better to keep her mouth shut and wait until she was more coherent. Otherwise she was likely to pull a verbal version of their collapse only minutes before.
As she ate hungrily and gulped down the refreshing glass of lemonade, Arizona realized that she would be okay with a chronically sore knee if it meant she got to spend the next fifty years on this couch with Callie. That sounded like a pretty good deal to her.
***
July 5th, 2009
Arizona awoke to the sensation of lips ghosting across her bare shoulder. She was naked in her own room, lying on her stomach with an arm dangling precariously over the side of the bed. The world beyond her closed eyelids appeared agonizingly bright, causing her to groan and turn her face into the pillow. Waking up seemed inhumane at whatever hour this was.
Callie perched on the edge of the mattress, fully clothed and ready for work. “Shh, go back to sleep,” she whispered, sweeping messy blonde curls to the side and pressing a warm kiss to the back of Arizona’s neck.
“Mm,” Arizona murmured, releasing a contented sigh. “Leaving already?”
“Yeah,” Callie replied, wistfully thinking how nice it would be to crawl back under the covers instead. “Wish I could stay here. Bed-head Arizona is kind of sexy.”
A lazy smile formed as Arizona turned her face to the left. “Bed-head Arizona would like very much to have her way with naked Callie,” she mused, stifling a huge yawn and finally rolling over. “Gimme a minute to get dressed, I’ll make you some coffee.”
“There’s already a cup in the kitchen for you,” Callie said as she leaned down and captured Arizona’s lips in a proper kiss. “Just go back to sleep. You’ve got a few hours before you need to be up.”
Arizona wrinkled her nose and emitted a pitiful whine. “Don’t wanna,” she argued, grasping the front of Callie’s jacket with both hands and tugging her down. “Stay here. Play hookie with me.”
As tempting as the offer was, Callie knew she had a lot of patients to see today. She rested an elbow on the opposite side of Arizona’s body, tracing a thumb along her temple. “What time are you seeing Jeff?”
Arizona’s stomach twisted into knots. “Two o’clock,” she said in a thick voice. “I can come find you after.”
Callie dipped her head and brushed her lips across Arizona’s collarbone. “Can I watch?” she asked, knowing that today was important.
“If you want,” Arizona said hesitantly. Truth was, she was nervous as hell, and the idea of failing in front of Callie didn’t exactly give her the happy butterflies.
Today was the first time in six weeks that she was going to try and walk on her own. No support system, no one by her side to catch her if she fell. She would be using the parallel bars that had been her physical therapy sidekick for these last few months, but the goal was to get from one end to the other without any assistance in the middle. Up until now, her right leg had been too weak to do anything other than buckle when she put her full weight on it. She was a master at hobbling around with a crutch by her side, but this was a really telling moment when it came to her future. Walking today meant that she could have a normal life again in some capacity.
Being unable to bear weight on her leg meant that she might as well concede to her fate: the damage was done and she was stuck with a life of using permanent walking aids to get around, thus lowering her chances of ever becoming a surgeon again.
Arizona was even more terrified of failing in front of Callie, who had put so much hard work into getting her there and who was so excited to see her succeed. She knew Callie would be upset if things didn’t go as planned, and the last thing she wanted was another embarrassing cry-fest in the arms of her ridiculously supportive and awesome girlfriend. These days Arizona was trying to stay positive and focus her efforts on having good moments instead of worrying about the bad. Having another frustrating setback wasn’t in her long term plans.
“Promise you’ll come find me first,” Callie said with an encouraging nudge. “I want to be there to cheer you on.”
Arizona worked up a shaky smile and nodded. “I’ll get there early and look for you.”
Having expected some resistance on the matter, Callie’s smile shone radiantly. “Okay.” She stole another kiss. “Get some rest. You’ll be awesome today, whatever happens.”
Arizona fought the urge to pull Callie back into bed with her as she got up. She smiled when Callie waved and closed the door behind her, then released a heavy sigh and rolled over again.
If she could fast forward to five hours from now, she would do so in a heartbeat. Waiting was proving to be a hundred times worse than actually setting foot in the gym itself.
***
“Teddy.”
Dr. Altman looked up from the computer just as Arizona appeared behind it. “Hey there. I was beginning to think you’d fallen into a sinkhole or something.”
Arizona grinned crookedly, drumming her fingers along the counter. “Nope. I’ve just been working. Doing the physical therapy thing, working like a dog to get my legs back under m-”
“I hear Torres is pretty ‘under’ you these days, too,” Teddy cut in, shooting her friend an impish smile.
A deep blush turned Arizona’s cheeks rosy. “She told you?”
Teddy’s eyes twinkled. “She came into work a couple of weeks ago practically skipping circles around the ER with a flock of Disney animals on her heels. I put two and two together.”
Arizona laughed as her best friend stood up and came around the desk. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. We’ve just been enjoying getting to know each other on a more…personal level. It’s all very new.”
“I get it,” Teddy said without a trace of annoyance. They simultaneously started down the hallway at an easy stroll. “I’m just glad to see you. If Torres hadn’t looked so happy, I would have started worrying that you’d moved back to California without telling me.”
Guilt instantly smacked Arizona in the forehead. “I’ve turned into one of those people that ditches their best friends for sex, haven’t I? I’m so sorry.”
Teddy seemed rather amused by it, however. As the one person who understood Arizona Robbins better than Arizona Robbins did herself, she wasn’t fazed. “I’ve been working non-stop anyway. If I ever manage to get a full weekend off, we should do a road trip to Portland or something.”
“That would be great!” Arizona exclaimed, perking up significantly at the idea. “And while we’re there, we can pick you up a nice hunk of hipster meat to fool around with.”
Teddy looked highly disturbed at the exuberance Arizona showed in formulating such a plan. “Uh, no thanks. I’m good. You just concentrate on getting yourself laid.”
“Oh, I’m concentrating on that plenty,” Arizona smirked.
“Speaking of,” Teddy continued, hoping to move the conversation away from the absurd mission of finding her a one-night stand. “Torres told me she had an emergency surgery come up, but to page her when you’re here for your appointment. She was still going to try and make it. I take it something big is happening?”
The giddiness brought on by the prospect of a road trip instantly vanished. “Yeah,” Arizona said weakly, swallowing hard as she pushed the ‘up’ arrow outside of the elevator. “Today I try and walk like I’m not missing half my leg and full of machine parts that hurt like a bitch.”
Teddy shot her a surprised stare as they stepped onto the platform. She stuffed her hands into her lab coat pockets. “Wow, that’s pretty huge. How are you feeling?”
“Nervous,” Arizona admitted, then added, “terrified. Like I might crap my pants or jump out a window. It’s all very non-logical and shouldn’t even be a big deal. If I haven’t managed it by now, I shouldn’t be getting my hopes up.”
“Arizona,” Teddy scolded.
“I’m just being realistic,” Arizona argued. “I’m what…three months post-op? Seven and change since getting injured? There are snails that walk at a faster pace than me.”
“By all accounts, you shouldn’t even have a leg right now,” Teddy shot back, cocking an eyebrow. “The fact that you’re even walking around on crutches is impressive. So what if you end up needing a cane in the end? We can pimp it out, get you walking around in style.”
Arizona grinned, staring up at the indicator light above the door.
“You’re wearing your dog tags,” Teddy pointed out, nodding at the lucky charm that hung around the blonde’s neck. “Which means that you must have some sort hope.”
“I figured an extra boost of cosmic juju would help,” Arizona sighed. That earned a big eye roll from the cardio surgeon.
“Just don’t count yourself out yet,” Teddy added. “You’ve been working your ass off and you’re in better shape than I have ever been, and I have two functioning legs. Bitch.”
Arizona snorted, though suddenly her heart constricted in her chest and she flexed her palms against the crutches. “What if I never walk on my own again? Then what am I supposed to do with my life?”
They were one floor away from their destination when Teddy reached out and pulled the stop button. She turned to face her best friend with a patient smile in place. “You’ll figure it out. You always do.” She reached out and grasped Arizona’s forearm, giving it a firm squeeze. “You are Arizona freakin’ Robbins. When life throws an obstacle in your path, you dropkick it over a cliff and find another one, lighting things on fire as you go, rousing the villagers and leading the rebellion. I think you can handle whatever comes your way.”
Arizona grinned and ducked her head. “So you’re saying that if I’m a one-legged pirate for the rest of my life…?”
“Then you’ll get yourself a crew full of hotties and go steal some poor bastard’s treasure,” Teddy confirmed. “But before you make plans to buy a ship and a wooden peg leg, maybe you should find out if you even need it. Go in there and try your best, and we’ll figure it out from there. Callie and I won’t let you do it alone.”
Arizona released a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding. “Okay,” she finally agreed. “You’re right. Again. Damn, where were you last week when I was freaking out about nerve clusters and joint pain?”
“I was working,” Teddy said smugly, reaching out to get the elevator started again. “Some of us have real jobs.” She flashed Arizona a playful wink.
When the doors popped open and deposited them on the fifth floor, Arizona was just as nervous as she had been upon arriving at Seattle Grace. One way or another, she would know by the time she emerged from the training room in an hour what her fate would be. After that, she could attempt to start planning her life again.
“I really wish I could stay and watch, but I’ve got to be scrubbed in in twenty minutes.” Teddy glanced down at her pager. “Do you want me to get Torres for you?”
“Nah, that’s okay,” Arizona said quickly. “I’m gonna send her a text while I change and let her know I’m here. You go and rock a surgery in my name. For old time’s sake.”
Teddy addressed her with a mock salute and started walking backwards. “Aye aye, Captain Robbins.”
Arizona grinned. “Hey, if I’m gimped for life, you’re gonna help me pick out a peg leg and new outfit to go with it,” she called after her.
Teddy threw a haphazard wave over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner.
Once again jittery with nerves, Arizona fumbled for the cellphone in her pocket, staring long and hard at the blank screen once it was in her grasp. Her thumb hovered over the lock button as she thought about Callie, who was somewhere in this building, waiting for her call.
Fact: Callie was in the OR. She had patients that were counting on her and a job that was way more important than some stupid physical therapy appointment.
Fact: for all Arizona knew, today could be a total letdown and waste everyone’s time.
Fact: Callie had better things to do than watch her girlfriend get sweaty and push weights around on the floor.
At least, that’s what Arizona told herself as she dropped the device back into her jacket and took off towards the change rooms. She would call Callie after the appointment if there was something good to report.
***
“Torres!”
Callie glanced over her shoulder, mid-reach across the same desk her girlfriend had been at twenty minutes earlier. She was still in her scrub cap and had yet to change from surgery. “Hey, Teddy. Yang’s already salivating over your transplant patient in OR one,” she said, grabbing the file she was after before straightening up again.
“I’m on my way there now,” Teddy replied, busy tying her own scrub cap. “I just wanted to make sure Arizona got a hold of you. She’s upstairs right now with the PT guy.”
Callie’s chest tightened and she looked around for the nearest clock. “Crap, I lost track of time. She was supposed to message me when she got here.”
Teddy pursed her lips, knowing full well that any excuses Arizona came up with later would be total bullshit. “That might be my fault. We got talking on her way up there and she seemed distracted. But if you go now you can probably catch the last half of her session.”
Callie gnawed indecisively on her bottom lip. “Are you sure I should? She didn’t call me for a reason. Maybe I should just give her some space, let her do this without the extra pressure of me hovering around.”
Teddy tilted her head to the right. “Am I going to have to superglue you two together or something? You’re both so clueless sometimes.”
Callie blinked. “Uh-”
“Torres, she wants you there. She’s just too proud to admit that she’s scared. Go.”
That was all the encouragement Callie needed. She sent Teddy a thankful smile before leaving the file on the desk and sprinting for the stairs.
***
Physical therapy was like a cross between going to the gym and getting her ass kicked by her own body. Only twenty minutes into her session and Arizona was already sweating up a storm. The mastermind behind her recovery, Jeff Porter, had already helped her stretch and put her through some paces on a stationary bike, followed by several sets on the leg press to test her resistance and musculoskeletal strength. Then he had her sit on a floor mat while he fitted her knee with a temporary brace.
The first time Arizona met Jeff was when she was still a patient of Seattle Grace-Mercy West hospital. They hadn’t exactly gotten off on the right foot, but back then she was angry at the world and on a lot of morphine - not exactly a great combination for making friends. Over the last few months they had eased into a more mutually respectful relationship, one where she wasn’t afraid to tell him when he was being a douche and he wouldn’t bullshit her on how bad her injuries were. They worked well together and he seemed confident that she could get where she needed to go.
“I still don’t think my knee is the main problem,” Arizona told him while she tried to catch her breath. “I mean, it’s not great, but it’s the lack of muscle definition and weakness in the bone structure that are causing the issues. The joint’s not getting any support from below.”
As he strapped the brace on and wrapped a tensor bandage around it for good measure, Jeff fixed her with a wry smile. “I know you’re a surgeon, Dr. Robbins, but shut up and let me work my magic here. I told you, today is the day. The brace will help. Have you been keeping weight off it like I told you to?”
“Yeah,” Arizona mumbled, though she looked guilty when he shot her a pointed glare. “Mostly. It’s not like I went for a run or anything, and I’ve been using the crutches.”
“Well, lucky for you, the swelling has gone down anyway and I’m not feeling any heat, so we should be good to go.” Jeff stood up and held out a hand, hauling Arizona to her feet. He positioned himself on her right side so she could use him for support.
They moved over to the parallel bars, with Arizona carefully testing her leg every step of the way. There was a sharp sting that travelled from her lower calf to mid-thigh, but it was much less painful than it had been in the past. In any case, it didn’t cause her leg to buckle out from under her.
That was a small thing comparatively, but it sent a surge of hope through Arizona, even as she tried to keep some realistic expectations in place. She had spent the last three days not bearing too much weight on the limb, all in an effort to get the swelling down for today. She didn’t practice walking without support at home anymore, because the first time that happened, she found out the hard way that the parallel bars existed for a reason. There was a pretty nasty bruise on her side from where she collapsed into her dresser in an attempt to break her fall. Since then, she had saved the hard stuff for when she was somewhere with a padded floor and no sharp corners.
It was only when she was situated at the end of the parallel bars that the fear finally kicked in to high gear. It was irrational and had no specific source, she was just afraid of what was about to happen. Until now, she had been ignoring all questions about her future - but she knew her heart of hearts that she was a surgeon. Having that option taken away from her was suddenly the worst possible thing that could happen, because then she was left with nothing. Yes, she had a wonderful relationship with a woman that she cared about more than anything, but it didn’t mean she wanted to be stuck at home, watching the Food Network while eating a pound of chocolate every day just because she was bored. That was hardly a version of herself that she could picture Callie being attracted to. A sexy, kickass surgeon was much more impressive than a couch potato with an axe to grind.
Jeff had stepped away and let Arizona settle in, keeping an eye on the positioning of her legs. “Ease your weight down, don’t go too fast.”
“Ya think?” Arizona shot back, gradually evening out the distribution between her feet. Her palms were wrapped tightly around each metal bar, ensuring that she had ample support for the time being.
“How does that feel?”
“It’s…okay,” she said slowly, testing out the injury as she shifted her weight back and forth. “Sore, but I think it’s better. The brace helps a lot more than I was expecting it to.”
“Good.” Jeff crossed his arms, watching every tiny movement she made with the eyes of a hawk. “Don’t be afraid to use the bars for support at any point if it’s too much. We can still work up to walking without them. One step at a time.”
Arizona felt like using the bars to hold her weight would be cheating and she fully planned on ignoring the suggestion. She had been using them for support for three months now. Jeff meant well, but she was going to walk ten steps like a normal person, even if it killed her or broke more bones in the process.
“Any other brilliant words of advice?” she asked him.
“Yeah,” he smirked. “Don’t fall on your face.”
That made Arizona laugh. “Knew I was paying you the big bucks for a reason.” She licked her lips and eased off of the hand rails, testing her knee and finding that it was holding up with the help of the brace-wrap combination. Bones creaked, muscles strained, but nothing buckled out from under her. Yet.
“It’ll probably feel a little bulky at first,” Jeff explained, walking in a slow semi-circle to the other side of the equipment. “We can alter sizes once we know what type of brace works best for your condition, and whether or not it’s a temporary or permanent requirement.”
Arizona had tuned him out by now, focusing instead on what she needed to do. Her eyes drifted up the path laid out in front of her - what only amounted to maybe ten feet between her and the end suddenly seemed like a marathon distance. She repeated over and over again in her head that she was not to touch the rails at any point, not until she made it at least that far.
Jeff had finally stopped talking and stepped back a few paces, allowing her to work through the mental battle in her own time. She stood there for almost a minute, waiting for the other shoe to drop and something to go wrong before she could even start. When it didn’t, Arizona subconsciously reached up and fiddled with the dog tags that spilled from the neckline of her t-shirt. They were comforting and familiar, and the symbolism of what they meant wasn’t lost on her. Tim had died before he could get here, but now she had a chance to take a step forward for them both.
Sucking in a deep breath, Arizona clenched her fists and allowed them to hover above the parallel bars for emergency purposes only. She shifted all of her weight onto her left leg and moved the right one forward, feeling a flare of annoyance rise up when the motion was jerky and uneven. Her shoe fell flat against the rubber mat and she took an awkward step. An immediate tightening of muscles, ligaments, tendons and nerve clusters sending a warning signal to her brain - pain. She flat-out ignored it and completed the movement by bringing her left leg even again.
Step one and she hadn’t fallen on her face. It wasn’t perfect, but it could have been much worse.
Arizona tried to keep her mind blank and free of distractions as she went for two. This time it was less of a lurch but still very shaky. A muscle spasm made her wobble and her face pinched into a grimace, nearly making her grab the parallel bars out of sheer habit. Both hands flexed dangerously close to the metal, sharp fingernails biting into her skin as her willpower won out instead.
Two down, eight to go.
“Bend your knee a little more on each lift and straighten your back,” Jeff called out, not wanting to cause too much of a distraction. “Think of your natural posture and ease into the movements.”
Knowing that she would topple over if she looked anywhere but down and forward, Arizona followed his advice and made the next step quicker, and the one after that. It hurt, there was no denying it, but not enough for her to collapse.
Six steps and no embarrassing falls later, the fear she was holding onto suddenly began to dissipate.
A bead of sweat rolled down Arizona’s forehead and she was shaking from the effort, but no amount of exhaustion could keep a huge grin from forming the closer she got to the end. There was a visible hitch in her step, an unmistakable limp, but she counted the last four out in steady succession before stopping at the end with all of her dignity intact.
“Yes!” Jeff exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air on her behalf. “See? What did I tell you? That was awesome!”
Arizona had never been so happy about possessing the ability to put one foot in front of the other. It wasn’t perfect and her movements were very rough around the edges, but given how long it had been since she had done something so simple…yes, she was proud of herself. Sweaty, gross, and likely to be sore later that night, but proud all the same.
Only then did she allow herself to grab onto the parallel bars for support, an elated laugh escaping into the otherwise silent room. She was a little mortified to feel tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, but it was as though an enormous boulder had been lifted from her chest and she could breathe again. Her second chance at life had finally arrived.
She lifted her eyes from their spot on the floor and immediately locked onto the set of dark brown watching from the doorway. Arizona didn’t need to wonder how long Callie had been standing there because the smile her girlfriend was wearing said it all.
In that moment, Arizona was so glad that Callie was with her for this that it was second nature to release the rails and take another step forward, off of the floor mat and away from the safety of the balance apparatus.
As soon as Callie realized what Arizona was doing, she strode into the room, no longer worried about interrupting the blonde’s solo moment of glory. Arizona had earned every right to bask in it, after all. Seeing her walking- literally walking - made Callie’s heart soar.
The next few steps Arizona took were the best of the entire set. She managed three jerky strides forward before being engulfed in Callie’s welcoming arms, laughing as she was just about lifted off of the floor entirely.
“I am so proud of you right now,” Callie murmured into Arizona’s shoulder, burrowing her nose into the sweaty t-shirt without a single care in the world. She hugged her girlfriend’s waist so tightly that she never wanted to let go.
Arizona threw her arms around Callie and held on as though her life depended on it. “I love you,” she whispered hoarsely, a trickle of warmth running down her cheek.
Callie’s heart stopped beating at those three simple words. She felt Arizona nuzzle into the crook of her neck and held on even tighter, a rush of jumbled emotions nearly consuming her on the spot - joy, gratitude, love, elation. No one had ever said ‘I love you’ to her before and truly meant it, at least not as far as she could tell in hindsight. She had always been the first one to say the ‘L’ word - until now.
“I love you too,” Callie murmured in a rush, forcing down the lump in her throat. She pulled away from the hug and captured Arizona’s mouth in a reaffirming kiss, closing her eyes and basking in how good it felt to be her right now.
Arizona smiled into Callie’s lips, weaving both sets of fingers deeply into her hair. For the second time in five minutes, it felt like a weight had been surgically removed from her shoulders. Nothing else mattered - no personal demons, not her own emotional shortcomings. Arizona Robbins was in love with Calliope Iphigenia Torres and would spend the next hundred years telling her so if she got the chance.
Breaking the kiss meant that Arizona got to look into Callie’s eyes for the first time since the declaration. She was surprised to see tears brimming along their glassy surface, and lifted a hand to delicately cup her cheek. “I’m so glad that you’re here,” she admitted, fighting back more waterworks of her own. She was simultaneously happy and completely exhausted, both of which caused her to lean into the embrace.
Callie didn’t dare let go of her waist. “C’mon, let’s sit down for a moment,” she encouraged, nodding to a nearby weight bench.
Jeff had hovered in the background until now and busied himself cleaning up the session’s supplies. “How about we pick it up later this week?” he suggested. “You deserve some rest.”
A part of Arizona thought it was silly to need ‘rest’ after taking what amounted to ten baby steps, but those baby steps were such a big deal that she was definitely ready to celebrate. She hobbled alongside Callie and sat down on the bench, unable to take her eyes from the woman who knelt in front of her.
“Thanks,” Arizona called over to her physical therapist, breaking eye contact with Callie long enough to shoot him a thankful smile. “Next time you see me, I’ll be running circles around the both of you.”
“Let’s take it easy at first, shall we?” Callie mused, slipping the wrap and knee brace from Arizona’s leg. She furrowed her brow and looked thoughtfully at the device before handing it over to the PT. “It’s a little big around the top end. I might be able to find something slimmer and more supportive if you think it’ll help.”
“I’ll let you know this week if I can’t find another one,” Jeff replied. He rested a hand on Arizona’s shoulder and gave it a brief squeeze. “Great job today, Robbins. I’ll see you in a few days.”
Arizona grinned and watched him leave before refocusing on the girl in front of her. “I can’t believe I just did that. Thirteen whole steps and I didn’t even fall on my face.”
“I’m starting to think the clumsiness is all an act, designed to get some sympathy foot rubs,” Callie chuckled, running her hands along Arizona’s bare thighs. Her fingers rounded the curve of firm muscle beneath them and dipped just underneath the hem of her shorts. “Can I take you home now? Please?”
“You don’t have any patients?” Arizona leaned forward and circled her arms around Callie’s neck.
Callie straightened up on her knees and satisfied Arizona with another kiss. “I got Shackner to take over my last surgery of the day. I wanted to celebrate with my girl.”
“Or console my shattered soul if I failed miserably and turned into a crying bag of bones?” Arizona joked, earning herself a sharp glare in return. “Sorry. Habit.”
“Not for much longer I hope,” Callie scolded, tilting her head up for a soft kiss. “I really am proud of you, you know. You are so unbelievably strong, and courageous, and…so, so hot in that outfit, by the way,” she added, tugging suggestively on Arizona’s dog tags. The tight shorts, fitted t-shirt, and the lean muscle underneath were all very distracting.
Arizona snorted and brushed her lips across Callie’s jaw. “I’m stinky, but I guess that’s the price one pays for being awesome,” she chuckled, pulling her into another hug.
Callie grinned and enjoyed the quiet moment to themselves, smoothing a hand along Arizona’s back. “Don’t think this means you’re off the hook for avoiding me, by the way.”
Arizona grimaced but didn’t pull out of the embrace just yet. “I’m sorry. You were busy and I honestly didn’t know how things were gonna go. It just seemed easier to show you after. But I’m glad you came, I really am.”
“You looked amazing. I can’t believe how far you’ve come since December.”
Blue eyes rolled skyward as Arizona sat back and met her girlfriend’s proud gaze. “I’ll consider it really amazing when I can walk for more than ten steps. But thank you. We’re that much closer to our marathon race now.”
Sometimes it was hard not to smack Arizona upside the head. If Callie didn’t know her so damn well, she would have been miffed at the thirty-second celebration before the blonde moved on to the next phase of her recovery. “Give yourself a minute to be proud. We should crack open a bottle of champagne and go out for a fancy dinner at the very least. You can start worrying about the next phase tomorrow.”
Arizona hummed to herself and pretended to think. “All right, tomorrow then. Tonight I get you drunk and take advantage,” she said coyly, tugging on the front of Callie’s scrubs. “I hear celebratory sex is totally amazing.”
“‘I love you’ sex is pretty good, too,” Callie added shyly.
Arizona’s smile widened and she cradled Callie’s cheek in her palm. “I’m counting on it.”
---
Scar Tissue (Part Two)
Chapter 25
Authors: kennedysbitch & livelovelearneg
Beta'd by englishstrawbie
Rating: NC-17 [Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content]
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer
Scar Tissue [masterpost]
Summary: When Arizona Robbins’ brother dies in Iraq, her life takes off in a completely different direction. Now a highly-rated trauma surgeon with the United States Marine Corps, she spends the three years following his death serving their country overseas - until an insurgent attack leaves her with debilitating injuries. Traveling to Seattle at her father’s request, she falls under the care of orthopedic surgeon Dr. Calliope Torres. Damaged emotionally and physically, Arizona tries to start the healing process with the help of a headstrong woman she never saw coming.
Part Two: Now free from the confines of a hospital bed for the first time
in almost five months, Arizona begins her physical and emotional recovery while
navigating a budding yet rocky relationship with Callie Torres.
Warnings: Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content
Trailer:
Click to view---
July 3rd, 2009
Seattle was a truly wonderful place to settle and Arizona couldn’t imagine a more serene location in which to spend her recovery. The beginning of summer brought warmth and a thousand different shades of green to the landscape, drawing the population outside and breathing new life into the air. If she’d had full use of both legs, she would have enjoyed daily runs in one of the many parks lining the Sound. Together with Callie, she still managed to venture out for short walks here and there, her pain levels allowing.
The downside to living on the northwest coast, she had discovered, was the rain. For almost four days now the sun had been trapped behind a curtain of grey and a steady drizzle was starting to cramp her style. Rain meant a low pressure system had parked itself over the state and low pressure meant achy joints. This was particularly true the older those joints were - or, in Arizona’s case, the newer.
On the Friday before the Independence Day weekend, Callie spent the afternoon in their kitchen preparing a fresh batch of homemade soup to combat the cold spell outside. Arizona had gone for a ‘short’ nap around three o’clock and it had since turned into more than four hours of solitude. It was well past dinner time when Callie finally caved in and knocked on the bedroom door.
“Arizona?” She waited for a reply before repeating the action. “Can I come in?”
Hearing what sounded like a moan, she turned the handle and silently crept inside. The room was dark with the curtains drawn over the window, but after a moment she was able to spot Arizona resting face down on the bed. Her legs stuck out from the sheets wrapped haphazardly around her body and she looked like she hadn’t moved a muscle in hours.
“How are you feeling?” Callie asked, wincing on her girlfriend’s behalf.
“High,” came the hoarse response.
That made Callie chuckle, even as a flood of sympathy filled her belly. She kept the door open as she moved forward and climbed onto the mattress. “Is it helping?”
“No,” Arizona groaned into her pillow, making no move to turn over. She was relieved when a comforting arm slid around her waist and Callie’s soft lips grazed the side of her neck. “I think we should move to California. Or Nevada. Someplace dry and barren, where they’ve never even heard of rain.”
Callie let out a small laugh. “I’m sorry. This is the worst it’s been in a while, huh?”
“I took two super pills,” Arizona mumbled in defeat, finally mustering up enough energy to turn her face in the right direction. Even in the darkness, her eyes were hazy and full of discomfort. “I can’t feel my tongue, but it’s like the Hulk took a sledge hammer to the back of my leg.”
Frowning, Callie leaned in and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “Taking more meds probably isn’t a good idea. Not if you want to function for the next twenty-four hours.”
“I know,” Arizona sighed, licking her lips and wishing she had some water. Her mouth felt like sandpaper. She also wished that her head didn’t feel like it was trapped inside a fish bowl, but that didn’t seem to be going away any time soon, either.
“I would be a terrible drug addict. This sucks.”
Callie smiled and tucked a lock of hair behind Arizona’s ear. “Just relax and enjoy the doctor-prescribed high. I know you hate taking them but it’ll get you through the night.”
That was the best outcome Arizona could hope for. “What time is it?” she asked tiredly, pushing weight into her forearms so she could glance at the alarm clock. For a moment she thought she was so high that she couldn’t even read time correctly. “Seven? I thought it was after midnight.”
“It’s almost seven thirty,” Callie clarified. She rubbed a soothing hand along the blonde’s lower back. “You should probably get something solid into your stomach. Think you can get to the kitchen okay?”
Arizona released another pitiful moan and dropped her face into the pillow. She hated this. Although the pain was diluted, her knee was pulsing in time with her heartbeat and she felt like a zombie from the Demerol. Being sluggish and not in control of her own body was awful. “Don’t know; I feel gross. Should probably just stay away from people until I can shower.”
“Well you’re not wafting or anything, so I think you can skip it for now,” Callie teased. Truthfully, she didn’t think Arizona could sit upright long enough to keep herself from drowning in the tub. “How about I help you change into something less sweaty?”
Arizona nodded and Callie climbed over top of her to get up. With some effort, Arizona rolled onto her side and watched her root around the dresser for something comfortable to wear. The smell of food subtly drifted into the room and reached her nose at the same time. “Dinner smells good. Sorry I missed it.”
“There’s plenty left,” Callie replied, fluffing out a white tank top and then searching for some pants. “Let me get you to the couch first and then I can put a meal together.”
“My hero,” Arizona said with a shaky smile. She watched Callie approach, knowing that something as simple as a fresh change of clothing would help her feel much better.
Setting the garments on the bed, Callie untangled Arizona’s legs from the blankets and carefully helped her into a sitting position. She grasped the front of the sweaty t-shirt and guided it up over her head. Arizona’s pale, clammy skin visibly shone in the soft light, and as gorgeous as Callie still found her to be, she was more concerned about her condition than admiring her fine physique.
“If I could feel my hands, I would totally be taking advantage of you right now,” Arizona slurred, flashing Callie what was supposed to pass for a sexy smile.
“Keep it in your pants, Casanova,” Callie smirked, waiting for clumsy arms to raise before sliding the clean tank top over them. Once it was in place, she dropped to her knees and rested her palms on Arizona’s thighs. “Can you stand up for me?”
It took two tries, but Arizona was finally able to settle some weight into the soles of her feet. She kept a hand on Callie’s shoulder for balance, watching her take the utmost care in guiding the cotton shorts down her legs. Not for the first time, she wished she was in better shape and able to enjoy the moment.
Callie was the perfect gentlemen, however, helping Arizona step out of her shorts without so much as a teasing grope. She rolled each pant leg up and fit them over her feet, guiding the material to her waist before tying the drawstring in a loose bow. As a final gesture, she had Arizona sit down again so she could fit her with some warm socks.
“Better?” Callie asked, sitting back on her heels and looking up.
Arizona nodded wordlessly and leaned forward, showing her appreciation with a small kiss. “You are awesome.”
“So I’ve been told,” Callie murmured, grinning. Her eyes dropped to the injury situated between them. “Can I take a peek at your knee?”
Too stoned to protest, Arizona nodded and let Callie push the pant leg up to expose the achy joint.
Alternating between focusing what she was doing and watching for a reaction, Callie began to massage the lower half of Arizona’s leg, starting with her knee and working her way down to her calf. There was more bulk to the muscle than the last time she had done this, which made her smile. Arizona had been swimming for two weeks now and the difference was noticeable.
“Ouch,” Arizona grimaced as Callie’s attention wandered back up to her knee. “You’re not gonna stick a giant needle in there again, are you?”
“No, there isn’t any fluid build up, it’s just swelling,” Callie said reassuringly. She worked for another thirty seconds before giving the leg a final squeeze. “C’mon. Let’s get you settled on the couch and eating, then I’ll give you another rub.”
“A sexy rub?” Arizona asked in a weak attempt at flirting.
Rolling her eyes in a playful fashion, Callie stood up and took Arizona’s hands. “You have even less tolerance for drugs than you do for alcohol. But I guess that’s a good thing.”
“Hardy har har,” Arizona pouted, squeezing Callie’s arms to stop herself from swaying as she stood. “Can you get my crutches, please?”
“I’ll do you one better,” Callie said confidently. Bracing herself, she went for a dramatic arm sweep in grand fashion, only to send them both toppling over when she lost her balance and nearly dropped Arizona on her ass. They stumbled backwards and landed in a crumpled heap on the floor, completely killing the moment in one fell swoop movement.
A profuse blush invaded Callie’s cheeks while Arizona started to giggle hysterically, apparently finding the whole thing funny as hell.
“Now who’s the ‘Casanova’?” Arizona wheezed, lying sprawled on top of the brunette in the middle of her bedroom floor. “Very smooth, Doctor Torres.”
“Shut up,” Callie whined, wiggling out from underneath the tangle of limbs and clambering to her feet. “I was trying to be chivalrous, but you’re not exactly a stick bug anymore.”
Arizona gasped in mock offense as she was hauled upright by a strong hand. “Are you calling me fat?”
Callie swatted her in the thigh and snagged an arm around her slender waist. “No, I’m saying that you’re healthy again, not to mention in crazy good shape right now. I might need to try a little harder if we’re gonna do the whole ‘me carrying you’ thing.”
“I think for of both our sakes, it’s safer if I walk,” Arizona snickered, curling a hand around Callie’s neck and planting a kiss of appreciation on her cheek. “But thank you, that was very sweet.”
Still embarrassed about the failed display of romanticism, Callie retrieved the crutches and helped Arizona steady herself on them. Then she swept an arm out to the side, gesturing toward the door. “After you, SheHulk.”
***
Arizona settled on their couch as Callie puttered around the kitchen, cozy and warm under a pile of blankets while she watched reruns of House Hunters International. It was hard to focus on much of anything with the strong painkillers swimming through her veins, so for the most part she just lay there and tried to stay awake.
“Dinner is served,” Callie announced a few minutes later, bustling into the living room with a tray full of food.
Arizona sat up and leaned against the armrest for support. Her eyes widened significantly when the tray was balanced in her lap. “Yummy. What do we have here?”
“Gouda panini, butternut squash soup, and homemade lemonade,” Callie said proudly, stepping back to survey her work. “Bon appétit.”
Arizona gazed adoringly at her girlfriend. “You’re amazing. I don’t know how I ever got so lucky.”
Callie grinned mischievously as she flopped down, easing Arizona’s blanket-covered feet into her lap. “Oh, the surprise isn’t over yet.”
Arizona frowned as Callie switched television sources and turned the DVD player on with the remote. Her heart leapt as the title menu for The Sound of Music appeared on-screen. “Aw, you remembered!”
“Remembered?” Callie echoed, lifting an eyebrow. “How could I forget? That was like our very first date. It was one of the best afternoons I’ve ever had.”
There didn’t need to be three-hundred milligrams of narcotics in her system for Arizona to melt into a puddle of warm and gooey feelings on the inside. Before she could even begin to search out the right response, one that would convey exactly how much the woman meant to her, Callie hit ‘play’ and the introductory credits began to roll. It took considerable effort for Arizona to focus on the food in her lap instead of her partner.
Being open with her feelings was never something she had been good at. Callie stirred up emotions that she rarely knew how to express, especially to the extent that she felt them. There was no doubt in Arizona’s mind that Callie was a huge reason for the last few weeks being so successful, and there were no words to properly express the gratitude she felt because of that - at least, not while she was this impaired. It was probably better to keep her mouth shut and wait until she was more coherent. Otherwise she was likely to pull a verbal version of their collapse only minutes before.
As she ate hungrily and gulped down the refreshing glass of lemonade, Arizona realized that she would be okay with a chronically sore knee if it meant she got to spend the next fifty years on this couch with Callie. That sounded like a pretty good deal to her.
***
July 5th, 2009
Arizona awoke to the sensation of lips ghosting across her bare shoulder. She was naked in her own room, lying on her stomach with an arm dangling precariously over the side of the bed. The world beyond her closed eyelids appeared agonizingly bright, causing her to groan and turn her face into the pillow. Waking up seemed inhumane at whatever hour this was.
Callie perched on the edge of the mattress, fully clothed and ready for work. “Shh, go back to sleep,” she whispered, sweeping messy blonde curls to the side and pressing a warm kiss to the back of Arizona’s neck.
“Mm,” Arizona murmured, releasing a contented sigh. “Leaving already?”
“Yeah,” Callie replied, wistfully thinking how nice it would be to crawl back under the covers instead. “Wish I could stay here. Bed-head Arizona is kind of sexy.”
A lazy smile formed as Arizona turned her face to the left. “Bed-head Arizona would like very much to have her way with naked Callie,” she mused, stifling a huge yawn and finally rolling over. “Gimme a minute to get dressed, I’ll make you some coffee.”
“There’s already a cup in the kitchen for you,” Callie said as she leaned down and captured Arizona’s lips in a proper kiss. “Just go back to sleep. You’ve got a few hours before you need to be up.”
Arizona wrinkled her nose and emitted a pitiful whine. “Don’t wanna,” she argued, grasping the front of Callie’s jacket with both hands and tugging her down. “Stay here. Play hookie with me.”
As tempting as the offer was, Callie knew she had a lot of patients to see today. She rested an elbow on the opposite side of Arizona’s body, tracing a thumb along her temple. “What time are you seeing Jeff?”
Arizona’s stomach twisted into knots. “Two o’clock,” she said in a thick voice. “I can come find you after.”
Callie dipped her head and brushed her lips across Arizona’s collarbone. “Can I watch?” she asked, knowing that today was important.
“If you want,” Arizona said hesitantly. Truth was, she was nervous as hell, and the idea of failing in front of Callie didn’t exactly give her the happy butterflies.
Today was the first time in six weeks that she was going to try and walk on her own. No support system, no one by her side to catch her if she fell. She would be using the parallel bars that had been her physical therapy sidekick for these last few months, but the goal was to get from one end to the other without any assistance in the middle. Up until now, her right leg had been too weak to do anything other than buckle when she put her full weight on it. She was a master at hobbling around with a crutch by her side, but this was a really telling moment when it came to her future. Walking today meant that she could have a normal life again in some capacity.
Being unable to bear weight on her leg meant that she might as well concede to her fate: the damage was done and she was stuck with a life of using permanent walking aids to get around, thus lowering her chances of ever becoming a surgeon again.
Arizona was even more terrified of failing in front of Callie, who had put so much hard work into getting her there and who was so excited to see her succeed. She knew Callie would be upset if things didn’t go as planned, and the last thing she wanted was another embarrassing cry-fest in the arms of her ridiculously supportive and awesome girlfriend. These days Arizona was trying to stay positive and focus her efforts on having good moments instead of worrying about the bad. Having another frustrating setback wasn’t in her long term plans.
“Promise you’ll come find me first,” Callie said with an encouraging nudge. “I want to be there to cheer you on.”
Arizona worked up a shaky smile and nodded. “I’ll get there early and look for you.”
Having expected some resistance on the matter, Callie’s smile shone radiantly. “Okay.” She stole another kiss. “Get some rest. You’ll be awesome today, whatever happens.”
Arizona fought the urge to pull Callie back into bed with her as she got up. She smiled when Callie waved and closed the door behind her, then released a heavy sigh and rolled over again.
If she could fast forward to five hours from now, she would do so in a heartbeat. Waiting was proving to be a hundred times worse than actually setting foot in the gym itself.
***
“Teddy.”
Dr. Altman looked up from the computer just as Arizona appeared behind it. “Hey there. I was beginning to think you’d fallen into a sinkhole or something.”
Arizona grinned crookedly, drumming her fingers along the counter. “Nope. I’ve just been working. Doing the physical therapy thing, working like a dog to get my legs back under m-”
“I hear Torres is pretty ‘under’ you these days, too,” Teddy cut in, shooting her friend an impish smile.
A deep blush turned Arizona’s cheeks rosy. “She told you?”
Teddy’s eyes twinkled. “She came into work a couple of weeks ago practically skipping circles around the ER with a flock of Disney animals on her heels. I put two and two together.”
Arizona laughed as her best friend stood up and came around the desk. “Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. We’ve just been enjoying getting to know each other on a more…personal level. It’s all very new.”
“I get it,” Teddy said without a trace of annoyance. They simultaneously started down the hallway at an easy stroll. “I’m just glad to see you. If Torres hadn’t looked so happy, I would have started worrying that you’d moved back to California without telling me.”
Guilt instantly smacked Arizona in the forehead. “I’ve turned into one of those people that ditches their best friends for sex, haven’t I? I’m so sorry.”
Teddy seemed rather amused by it, however. As the one person who understood Arizona Robbins better than Arizona Robbins did herself, she wasn’t fazed. “I’ve been working non-stop anyway. If I ever manage to get a full weekend off, we should do a road trip to Portland or something.”
“That would be great!” Arizona exclaimed, perking up significantly at the idea. “And while we’re there, we can pick you up a nice hunk of hipster meat to fool around with.”
Teddy looked highly disturbed at the exuberance Arizona showed in formulating such a plan. “Uh, no thanks. I’m good. You just concentrate on getting yourself laid.”
“Oh, I’m concentrating on that plenty,” Arizona smirked.
“Speaking of,” Teddy continued, hoping to move the conversation away from the absurd mission of finding her a one-night stand. “Torres told me she had an emergency surgery come up, but to page her when you’re here for your appointment. She was still going to try and make it. I take it something big is happening?”
The giddiness brought on by the prospect of a road trip instantly vanished. “Yeah,” Arizona said weakly, swallowing hard as she pushed the ‘up’ arrow outside of the elevator. “Today I try and walk like I’m not missing half my leg and full of machine parts that hurt like a bitch.”
Teddy shot her a surprised stare as they stepped onto the platform. She stuffed her hands into her lab coat pockets. “Wow, that’s pretty huge. How are you feeling?”
“Nervous,” Arizona admitted, then added, “terrified. Like I might crap my pants or jump out a window. It’s all very non-logical and shouldn’t even be a big deal. If I haven’t managed it by now, I shouldn’t be getting my hopes up.”
“Arizona,” Teddy scolded.
“I’m just being realistic,” Arizona argued. “I’m what…three months post-op? Seven and change since getting injured? There are snails that walk at a faster pace than me.”
“By all accounts, you shouldn’t even have a leg right now,” Teddy shot back, cocking an eyebrow. “The fact that you’re even walking around on crutches is impressive. So what if you end up needing a cane in the end? We can pimp it out, get you walking around in style.”
Arizona grinned, staring up at the indicator light above the door.
“You’re wearing your dog tags,” Teddy pointed out, nodding at the lucky charm that hung around the blonde’s neck. “Which means that you must have some sort hope.”
“I figured an extra boost of cosmic juju would help,” Arizona sighed. That earned a big eye roll from the cardio surgeon.
“Just don’t count yourself out yet,” Teddy added. “You’ve been working your ass off and you’re in better shape than I have ever been, and I have two functioning legs. Bitch.”
Arizona snorted, though suddenly her heart constricted in her chest and she flexed her palms against the crutches. “What if I never walk on my own again? Then what am I supposed to do with my life?”
They were one floor away from their destination when Teddy reached out and pulled the stop button. She turned to face her best friend with a patient smile in place. “You’ll figure it out. You always do.” She reached out and grasped Arizona’s forearm, giving it a firm squeeze. “You are Arizona freakin’ Robbins. When life throws an obstacle in your path, you dropkick it over a cliff and find another one, lighting things on fire as you go, rousing the villagers and leading the rebellion. I think you can handle whatever comes your way.”
Arizona grinned and ducked her head. “So you’re saying that if I’m a one-legged pirate for the rest of my life…?”
“Then you’ll get yourself a crew full of hotties and go steal some poor bastard’s treasure,” Teddy confirmed. “But before you make plans to buy a ship and a wooden peg leg, maybe you should find out if you even need it. Go in there and try your best, and we’ll figure it out from there. Callie and I won’t let you do it alone.”
Arizona released a breath she didn’t even realize she was holding. “Okay,” she finally agreed. “You’re right. Again. Damn, where were you last week when I was freaking out about nerve clusters and joint pain?”
“I was working,” Teddy said smugly, reaching out to get the elevator started again. “Some of us have real jobs.” She flashed Arizona a playful wink.
When the doors popped open and deposited them on the fifth floor, Arizona was just as nervous as she had been upon arriving at Seattle Grace. One way or another, she would know by the time she emerged from the training room in an hour what her fate would be. After that, she could attempt to start planning her life again.
“I really wish I could stay and watch, but I’ve got to be scrubbed in in twenty minutes.” Teddy glanced down at her pager. “Do you want me to get Torres for you?”
“Nah, that’s okay,” Arizona said quickly. “I’m gonna send her a text while I change and let her know I’m here. You go and rock a surgery in my name. For old time’s sake.”
Teddy addressed her with a mock salute and started walking backwards. “Aye aye, Captain Robbins.”
Arizona grinned. “Hey, if I’m gimped for life, you’re gonna help me pick out a peg leg and new outfit to go with it,” she called after her.
Teddy threw a haphazard wave over her shoulder before disappearing around the corner.
Once again jittery with nerves, Arizona fumbled for the cellphone in her pocket, staring long and hard at the blank screen once it was in her grasp. Her thumb hovered over the lock button as she thought about Callie, who was somewhere in this building, waiting for her call.
Fact: Callie was in the OR. She had patients that were counting on her and a job that was way more important than some stupid physical therapy appointment.
Fact: for all Arizona knew, today could be a total letdown and waste everyone’s time.
Fact: Callie had better things to do than watch her girlfriend get sweaty and push weights around on the floor.
At least, that’s what Arizona told herself as she dropped the device back into her jacket and took off towards the change rooms. She would call Callie after the appointment if there was something good to report.
***
“Torres!”
Callie glanced over her shoulder, mid-reach across the same desk her girlfriend had been at twenty minutes earlier. She was still in her scrub cap and had yet to change from surgery. “Hey, Teddy. Yang’s already salivating over your transplant patient in OR one,” she said, grabbing the file she was after before straightening up again.
“I’m on my way there now,” Teddy replied, busy tying her own scrub cap. “I just wanted to make sure Arizona got a hold of you. She’s upstairs right now with the PT guy.”
Callie’s chest tightened and she looked around for the nearest clock. “Crap, I lost track of time. She was supposed to message me when she got here.”
Teddy pursed her lips, knowing full well that any excuses Arizona came up with later would be total bullshit. “That might be my fault. We got talking on her way up there and she seemed distracted. But if you go now you can probably catch the last half of her session.”
Callie gnawed indecisively on her bottom lip. “Are you sure I should? She didn’t call me for a reason. Maybe I should just give her some space, let her do this without the extra pressure of me hovering around.”
Teddy tilted her head to the right. “Am I going to have to superglue you two together or something? You’re both so clueless sometimes.”
Callie blinked. “Uh-”
“Torres, she wants you there. She’s just too proud to admit that she’s scared. Go.”
That was all the encouragement Callie needed. She sent Teddy a thankful smile before leaving the file on the desk and sprinting for the stairs.
***
Physical therapy was like a cross between going to the gym and getting her ass kicked by her own body. Only twenty minutes into her session and Arizona was already sweating up a storm. The mastermind behind her recovery, Jeff Porter, had already helped her stretch and put her through some paces on a stationary bike, followed by several sets on the leg press to test her resistance and musculoskeletal strength. Then he had her sit on a floor mat while he fitted her knee with a temporary brace.
The first time Arizona met Jeff was when she was still a patient of Seattle Grace-Mercy West hospital. They hadn’t exactly gotten off on the right foot, but back then she was angry at the world and on a lot of morphine - not exactly a great combination for making friends. Over the last few months they had eased into a more mutually respectful relationship, one where she wasn’t afraid to tell him when he was being a douche and he wouldn’t bullshit her on how bad her injuries were. They worked well together and he seemed confident that she could get where she needed to go.
“I still don’t think my knee is the main problem,” Arizona told him while she tried to catch her breath. “I mean, it’s not great, but it’s the lack of muscle definition and weakness in the bone structure that are causing the issues. The joint’s not getting any support from below.”
As he strapped the brace on and wrapped a tensor bandage around it for good measure, Jeff fixed her with a wry smile. “I know you’re a surgeon, Dr. Robbins, but shut up and let me work my magic here. I told you, today is the day. The brace will help. Have you been keeping weight off it like I told you to?”
“Yeah,” Arizona mumbled, though she looked guilty when he shot her a pointed glare. “Mostly. It’s not like I went for a run or anything, and I’ve been using the crutches.”
“Well, lucky for you, the swelling has gone down anyway and I’m not feeling any heat, so we should be good to go.” Jeff stood up and held out a hand, hauling Arizona to her feet. He positioned himself on her right side so she could use him for support.
They moved over to the parallel bars, with Arizona carefully testing her leg every step of the way. There was a sharp sting that travelled from her lower calf to mid-thigh, but it was much less painful than it had been in the past. In any case, it didn’t cause her leg to buckle out from under her.
That was a small thing comparatively, but it sent a surge of hope through Arizona, even as she tried to keep some realistic expectations in place. She had spent the last three days not bearing too much weight on the limb, all in an effort to get the swelling down for today. She didn’t practice walking without support at home anymore, because the first time that happened, she found out the hard way that the parallel bars existed for a reason. There was a pretty nasty bruise on her side from where she collapsed into her dresser in an attempt to break her fall. Since then, she had saved the hard stuff for when she was somewhere with a padded floor and no sharp corners.
It was only when she was situated at the end of the parallel bars that the fear finally kicked in to high gear. It was irrational and had no specific source, she was just afraid of what was about to happen. Until now, she had been ignoring all questions about her future - but she knew her heart of hearts that she was a surgeon. Having that option taken away from her was suddenly the worst possible thing that could happen, because then she was left with nothing. Yes, she had a wonderful relationship with a woman that she cared about more than anything, but it didn’t mean she wanted to be stuck at home, watching the Food Network while eating a pound of chocolate every day just because she was bored. That was hardly a version of herself that she could picture Callie being attracted to. A sexy, kickass surgeon was much more impressive than a couch potato with an axe to grind.
Jeff had stepped away and let Arizona settle in, keeping an eye on the positioning of her legs. “Ease your weight down, don’t go too fast.”
“Ya think?” Arizona shot back, gradually evening out the distribution between her feet. Her palms were wrapped tightly around each metal bar, ensuring that she had ample support for the time being.
“How does that feel?”
“It’s…okay,” she said slowly, testing out the injury as she shifted her weight back and forth. “Sore, but I think it’s better. The brace helps a lot more than I was expecting it to.”
“Good.” Jeff crossed his arms, watching every tiny movement she made with the eyes of a hawk. “Don’t be afraid to use the bars for support at any point if it’s too much. We can still work up to walking without them. One step at a time.”
Arizona felt like using the bars to hold her weight would be cheating and she fully planned on ignoring the suggestion. She had been using them for support for three months now. Jeff meant well, but she was going to walk ten steps like a normal person, even if it killed her or broke more bones in the process.
“Any other brilliant words of advice?” she asked him.
“Yeah,” he smirked. “Don’t fall on your face.”
That made Arizona laugh. “Knew I was paying you the big bucks for a reason.” She licked her lips and eased off of the hand rails, testing her knee and finding that it was holding up with the help of the brace-wrap combination. Bones creaked, muscles strained, but nothing buckled out from under her. Yet.
“It’ll probably feel a little bulky at first,” Jeff explained, walking in a slow semi-circle to the other side of the equipment. “We can alter sizes once we know what type of brace works best for your condition, and whether or not it’s a temporary or permanent requirement.”
Arizona had tuned him out by now, focusing instead on what she needed to do. Her eyes drifted up the path laid out in front of her - what only amounted to maybe ten feet between her and the end suddenly seemed like a marathon distance. She repeated over and over again in her head that she was not to touch the rails at any point, not until she made it at least that far.
Jeff had finally stopped talking and stepped back a few paces, allowing her to work through the mental battle in her own time. She stood there for almost a minute, waiting for the other shoe to drop and something to go wrong before she could even start. When it didn’t, Arizona subconsciously reached up and fiddled with the dog tags that spilled from the neckline of her t-shirt. They were comforting and familiar, and the symbolism of what they meant wasn’t lost on her. Tim had died before he could get here, but now she had a chance to take a step forward for them both.
Sucking in a deep breath, Arizona clenched her fists and allowed them to hover above the parallel bars for emergency purposes only. She shifted all of her weight onto her left leg and moved the right one forward, feeling a flare of annoyance rise up when the motion was jerky and uneven. Her shoe fell flat against the rubber mat and she took an awkward step. An immediate tightening of muscles, ligaments, tendons and nerve clusters sending a warning signal to her brain - pain. She flat-out ignored it and completed the movement by bringing her left leg even again.
Step one and she hadn’t fallen on her face. It wasn’t perfect, but it could have been much worse.
Arizona tried to keep her mind blank and free of distractions as she went for two. This time it was less of a lurch but still very shaky. A muscle spasm made her wobble and her face pinched into a grimace, nearly making her grab the parallel bars out of sheer habit. Both hands flexed dangerously close to the metal, sharp fingernails biting into her skin as her willpower won out instead.
Two down, eight to go.
“Bend your knee a little more on each lift and straighten your back,” Jeff called out, not wanting to cause too much of a distraction. “Think of your natural posture and ease into the movements.”
Knowing that she would topple over if she looked anywhere but down and forward, Arizona followed his advice and made the next step quicker, and the one after that. It hurt, there was no denying it, but not enough for her to collapse.
Six steps and no embarrassing falls later, the fear she was holding onto suddenly began to dissipate.
A bead of sweat rolled down Arizona’s forehead and she was shaking from the effort, but no amount of exhaustion could keep a huge grin from forming the closer she got to the end. There was a visible hitch in her step, an unmistakable limp, but she counted the last four out in steady succession before stopping at the end with all of her dignity intact.
“Yes!” Jeff exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air on her behalf. “See? What did I tell you? That was awesome!”
Arizona had never been so happy about possessing the ability to put one foot in front of the other. It wasn’t perfect and her movements were very rough around the edges, but given how long it had been since she had done something so simple…yes, she was proud of herself. Sweaty, gross, and likely to be sore later that night, but proud all the same.
Only then did she allow herself to grab onto the parallel bars for support, an elated laugh escaping into the otherwise silent room. She was a little mortified to feel tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, but it was as though an enormous boulder had been lifted from her chest and she could breathe again. Her second chance at life had finally arrived.
She lifted her eyes from their spot on the floor and immediately locked onto the set of dark brown watching from the doorway. Arizona didn’t need to wonder how long Callie had been standing there because the smile her girlfriend was wearing said it all.
In that moment, Arizona was so glad that Callie was with her for this that it was second nature to release the rails and take another step forward, off of the floor mat and away from the safety of the balance apparatus.
As soon as Callie realized what Arizona was doing, she strode into the room, no longer worried about interrupting the blonde’s solo moment of glory. Arizona had earned every right to bask in it, after all. Seeing her walking- literally walking - made Callie’s heart soar.
The next few steps Arizona took were the best of the entire set. She managed three jerky strides forward before being engulfed in Callie’s welcoming arms, laughing as she was just about lifted off of the floor entirely.
“I am so proud of you right now,” Callie murmured into Arizona’s shoulder, burrowing her nose into the sweaty t-shirt without a single care in the world. She hugged her girlfriend’s waist so tightly that she never wanted to let go.
Arizona threw her arms around Callie and held on as though her life depended on it. “I love you,” she whispered hoarsely, a trickle of warmth running down her cheek.
Callie’s heart stopped beating at those three simple words. She felt Arizona nuzzle into the crook of her neck and held on even tighter, a rush of jumbled emotions nearly consuming her on the spot - joy, gratitude, love, elation. No one had ever said ‘I love you’ to her before and truly meant it, at least not as far as she could tell in hindsight. She had always been the first one to say the ‘L’ word - until now.
“I love you too,” Callie murmured in a rush, forcing down the lump in her throat. She pulled away from the hug and captured Arizona’s mouth in a reaffirming kiss, closing her eyes and basking in how good it felt to be her right now.
Arizona smiled into Callie’s lips, weaving both sets of fingers deeply into her hair. For the second time in five minutes, it felt like a weight had been surgically removed from her shoulders. Nothing else mattered - no personal demons, not her own emotional shortcomings. Arizona Robbins was in love with Calliope Iphigenia Torres and would spend the next hundred years telling her so if she got the chance.
Breaking the kiss meant that Arizona got to look into Callie’s eyes for the first time since the declaration. She was surprised to see tears brimming along their glassy surface, and lifted a hand to delicately cup her cheek. “I’m so glad that you’re here,” she admitted, fighting back more waterworks of her own. She was simultaneously happy and completely exhausted, both of which caused her to lean into the embrace.
Callie didn’t dare let go of her waist. “C’mon, let’s sit down for a moment,” she encouraged, nodding to a nearby weight bench.
Jeff had hovered in the background until now and busied himself cleaning up the session’s supplies. “How about we pick it up later this week?” he suggested. “You deserve some rest.”
A part of Arizona thought it was silly to need ‘rest’ after taking what amounted to ten baby steps, but those baby steps were such a big deal that she was definitely ready to celebrate. She hobbled alongside Callie and sat down on the bench, unable to take her eyes from the woman who knelt in front of her.
“Thanks,” Arizona called over to her physical therapist, breaking eye contact with Callie long enough to shoot him a thankful smile. “Next time you see me, I’ll be running circles around the both of you.”
“Let’s take it easy at first, shall we?” Callie mused, slipping the wrap and knee brace from Arizona’s leg. She furrowed her brow and looked thoughtfully at the device before handing it over to the PT. “It’s a little big around the top end. I might be able to find something slimmer and more supportive if you think it’ll help.”
“I’ll let you know this week if I can’t find another one,” Jeff replied. He rested a hand on Arizona’s shoulder and gave it a brief squeeze. “Great job today, Robbins. I’ll see you in a few days.”
Arizona grinned and watched him leave before refocusing on the girl in front of her. “I can’t believe I just did that. Thirteen whole steps and I didn’t even fall on my face.”
“I’m starting to think the clumsiness is all an act, designed to get some sympathy foot rubs,” Callie chuckled, running her hands along Arizona’s bare thighs. Her fingers rounded the curve of firm muscle beneath them and dipped just underneath the hem of her shorts. “Can I take you home now? Please?”
“You don’t have any patients?” Arizona leaned forward and circled her arms around Callie’s neck.
Callie straightened up on her knees and satisfied Arizona with another kiss. “I got Shackner to take over my last surgery of the day. I wanted to celebrate with my girl.”
“Or console my shattered soul if I failed miserably and turned into a crying bag of bones?” Arizona joked, earning herself a sharp glare in return. “Sorry. Habit.”
“Not for much longer I hope,” Callie scolded, tilting her head up for a soft kiss. “I really am proud of you, you know. You are so unbelievably strong, and courageous, and…so, so hot in that outfit, by the way,” she added, tugging suggestively on Arizona’s dog tags. The tight shorts, fitted t-shirt, and the lean muscle underneath were all very distracting.
Arizona snorted and brushed her lips across Callie’s jaw. “I’m stinky, but I guess that’s the price one pays for being awesome,” she chuckled, pulling her into another hug.
Callie grinned and enjoyed the quiet moment to themselves, smoothing a hand along Arizona’s back. “Don’t think this means you’re off the hook for avoiding me, by the way.”
Arizona grimaced but didn’t pull out of the embrace just yet. “I’m sorry. You were busy and I honestly didn’t know how things were gonna go. It just seemed easier to show you after. But I’m glad you came, I really am.”
“You looked amazing. I can’t believe how far you’ve come since December.”
Blue eyes rolled skyward as Arizona sat back and met her girlfriend’s proud gaze. “I’ll consider it really amazing when I can walk for more than ten steps. But thank you. We’re that much closer to our marathon race now.”
Sometimes it was hard not to smack Arizona upside the head. If Callie didn’t know her so damn well, she would have been miffed at the thirty-second celebration before the blonde moved on to the next phase of her recovery. “Give yourself a minute to be proud. We should crack open a bottle of champagne and go out for a fancy dinner at the very least. You can start worrying about the next phase tomorrow.”
Arizona hummed to herself and pretended to think. “All right, tomorrow then. Tonight I get you drunk and take advantage,” she said coyly, tugging on the front of Callie’s scrubs. “I hear celebratory sex is totally amazing.”
“‘I love you’ sex is pretty good, too,” Callie added shyly.
Arizona’s smile widened and she cradled Callie’s cheek in her palm. “I’m counting on it.”
---