Scar Tissue (Part Two) -- Chapter 17-A
.
Scar Tissue (Part Two)
Chapter 17-A
Authors: kennedysbitch & livelovelearneg
Beta'd by englishstrawbie
Rating: NC-17 [Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content]
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer
Scar Tissue [masterpost]
Summary: When Arizona Robbins’ brother dies in Iraq, her life takes off in a completely different direction. Now a highly-rated trauma surgeon with the United States Marine Corps, she spends the three years following his death serving their country overseas - until an insurgent attack leaves her with debilitating injuries. Traveling to Seattle at her father’s request, she falls under the care of orthopedic surgeon Dr. Calliope Torres. Damaged emotionally and physically, Arizona tries to start the healing process with the help of a headstrong woman she never saw coming.
Part Two: Now free from the confines of a hospital bed for the first time
in almost five months, Arizona begins her physical and emotional recovery while
navigating a budding yet rocky relationship with Callie Torres.
Warnings: Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content
Trailer:
A/N: Huge, majorly big ‘thank you’s to englishstrawbie for talking me off the edge of a cliff with this one, as she so often does throughout the editing process. In the words of Calliope Torres, ‘you are great’! <3
---
The car ride back to the apartment was full of light banter and easy conversation. Now that her nerves had faded, Arizona felt more relaxed than she had all week. Listening to Callie talk about Cristina and some of their other coworkers provided enough entertainment to keep her laughing as they rode the elevator up to the fourth floor. Callie was the perfect gentlewoman and real estate agent as she gave a quick run down of the building amenities and nearby locations for convenience. Arizona stood back as she led her to the end of the hall and took out her keys, jamming them into the deadbolt and letting them inside.
“So - initial impressions?” Callie asked as she closed and locked the door behind them. She took Arizona’s jacket and bag, hanging them on the coat rack before doing the same with her own.
“It’s nice,” Arizona replied, kicking her shoes off with some difficulty and hobbling further into the room. She scanned the layout of the apartment, trying to decide whether or not she had ever pictured Callie living in this kind of space before. “It’s very…dark.”
“Dark?” Callie echoed, stepping into Arizona’s personal space and running a hand up her side. She followed her gaze, trying to pick out what exactly constituted use of the word ‘dark’. “Is that a bad thing?”
“I didn’t say that,” Arizona said, having some difficulty focusing with Callie standing so close. “It’s just - it could use an open window. Or…something.” She furrowed her brow.
Smirking, Callie moved across the room and pulled open the blinds covering the far window, allowing sunlight to spill across the grey carpet. “Better?”
Arizona chewed on her bottom lip and remained silent. Although it was indeed brighter than before, the chrome and black interior still absorbed any and all colour. It was taking a moment for her eyes to adjust.
Laughing at Arizona’s facial expression, Callie returned to her side and reached up to run her fingers through long, golden curls. “I see. So you’re the nit-picky type, huh? This is gonna be fun.”
“No, I swear,” Arizona objected, shaking her head vigorously. The last thing she wanted Callie to think was that she was ungrateful and complaining. “Dark is good! Dark is awesome. I’m just surprised, that’s all. I pictured you living in something a little less…cave-like.” Her eyes widened. “Not that cave-like is bad, it’s very stylish and ‘in’ these days. I’m not-”
Deciding that it was time to save Arizona before her good foot ended up crammed down her throat, Callie dipped her head and interrupted the stuttering with a kiss. It had the desired effect as Arizona immediately felt silent and melted into the embrace. Callie made a mental note to use this method more often.
Their lips were barely connected for more than a few seconds when Cristina decided to announce her presence.
“Blame Torres,” she said loudly, emerging from the nearby kitchen with a bowl of cereal in one hand and a headphone wire dangling from the other. Music blared loud enough for Arizona to wonder how she hadn’t gone deaf yet. Cristina plucked the second earpiece out and her voice immediately returned to a normal level. “She decorated it."
The resident paused in front of the couple, acting as though she had barely even noticed their public display of affection. She gave Arizona a blank look, sizing her up. “You're Callie’s fugitive patient.”
Arizona cleared her throat and nodded in response, subtly stepping away from Callie so she could focus on her potential new roommate. “Arizona Robbins. Nice to meet you, Dr. Yang.” Normally she would have offered to shake hands but she had already been warned not to on the way over.
Cristina cocked an eyebrow at the bizarre name but Callie silenced her with a deadly glare, quelling any snarky comments.
“Okay then." Cristina turned, flapping a hand in the direction of a back hallway. "The third bedroom is down there. It’s big and has an east facing window, but the closet is kind of small.” She smirked. "Ironically."
“Everything I currently own fits into a duffle bag,” Arizona pointed out. “I’m sure it’s more than enough space.”
“The apartment is usually cleaner than this,” Callie added, trying not to grimace when she saw the state that the couch and coffee table were in. “Cristina just so happens to be the biggest slob on the planet, and I’ve been working so much lately that I haven’t had time to clean up after her. Luckily she keeps the kitchen clear but that’s about as far as her housekeeping goes.”
“It’s not that bad,” Arizona said, though she was fighting the urge to grab a vacuum cleaner and suck up all of the food containers strewn around the television area. It wasn’t nearly as bad as other places she had seen in the past, she was just a bit of a neat freak - whether that was a part of her military upbringing or just an annoying personality trait she had picked up from her mother, she wasn’t entirely sure.
Cristina rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Just don’t have sex on the furniture and we’re golden.”
It was Arizona’s turn to look surprised. “Excuse me?”
“Callie and the last one had sex on the couch at least twice. I’m drawing a line.”
If looks could kill, Yang would be dead right now. “Cristina,” Callie growled out, gritting her teeth. She was suddenly wishing she hadn’t introduced Arizona to her roommate so soon; perhaps it would’ve been better to wait until after she had moved in. If she was written into the lease, it would be harder to run away from Cristina’s abrasive personality.
“If you’re gonna bump genitals or whatever, then do it in your own room,” Cristina snapped. “No sex on my couch. My couch. Period.”
Arizona looked amused. “Fair enough,” she replied, sneaking a sideways glance at Callie and making a note to inquire about that later. “We’ll keep it in the bedroom.”
Callie blushed and tried unsuccessfully to hide it. She was going to smother Cristina with a pillow the first chance she got.
“Anything weird about you I should know?” Cristina shoveled a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.
“Other than the fact that I’m disabled and one of you will have to carry me down the stairs if the building burns down?” Arizona pondered for a moment. “Honestly? I cook, I’m quiet and I have no friends. You won’t even know I’m here.”
“Perfect. Pay rent, keep your pants on, don’t touch my food, and we have a deal.” Cristina put her headphones back in.
“Sounds good.” Arizona watched Yang breeze by them, heading for her bedroom. A few seconds later she heard the door close. “I’m assuming that means she doesn’t hate me?”
“Cristina hates everyone,” Callie mused. “But you’re in, so the room is yours if you want it.” She tried not to look too hopeful.
“You’re making it really hard to say no,” Arizona replied, flashing her a sly smile. She tugged on the front of Callie’s shirt, fighting the urge to continue where they left off before the interruption. She mustered up some self-control and forced herself to turn around instead, knowing they had more to take care of before the kissing could resume.
“Where would I be sleeping?”
“This way.” Shaking off her libido’s demands, Callie led Arizona past the kitchen and down the small hallway to the back of the apartment. “My room is on the left and yours is right across the hall. It’s next to the bathroom we would share so you shouldn’t have too much trouble getting back and forth while you’re recovering.”
Steering Arizona up to the doorway, Callie pushed it open before taking a step back and remaining behind the threshold, allowing her to explore and come to her own conclusions. She figured hovering and talking incessantly about how great everything was would be counterproductive.
Arizona gazed around the big space and refrained from letting out a whoop of joy at the queen-size bed centered against the opposite wall. Considering the living conditions she was used to, this place was on par with the royal palace as far as she was concerned.
“It’s nothing special,” Callie said hurriedly, finding herself rather nervous as Arizona stayed silent during the inspection process. “The bedrooms aren’t huge or anything; we mostly got the place for the kitchen and living room. And the shower is pretty nice, too. The bathroom was redone about a year ago.”
Arizona stopped next to the bed and turned around, beaming with delight. “Nothing special? Clearly you haven’t seen the craphole I’ve been living in.” She tapped the bed with a crutch. “The mattress isn’t twenty-five years older than I am and you have both furniture and decent decorating taste. It’s perfect, Calliope.”
“Not too ‘dark’?”
Arizona’s smile widened. “No, it’s not too dark.”
Callie visibly relaxed, releasing a happy sigh. “I’m glad you like it.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Does this mean you’ll stay?”
Instead of answering, Arizona dropped her crutches to the floor, pivoted in place and jumped backward to flop on top of the sheets.
Callie cringed on reflex. “Watch the leg,” she scolded.
Arizona scooted up until she was in the center of the bed, then leaned back on her elbows. “As long as you swear you’re comfortable with it, I’m in. But only if you’re not having any doubts, okay? This is a new experience for both of us. I can find an apartment close by just as easily.”
Doubts were the last thing on Callie’s mind right now. She was so relieved that she would be able to keep an eye on Arizona from now on that she couldn’t imagine her living anywhere else.
“I’m more than okay with you living here,” she said earnestly, coming over to recline next to her on the bed. She folded her hands over her stomach and stared up at the ceiling. “We still need to figure out how to do this without messing things up, though.”
Arizona nodded in agreement. “Right. We need rules so we don’t get ahead of ourselves.”
Callie turned her head towards the blonde, finding it hard not to smile like a giddy teenager. “I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like any of this has been orthodox from the beginning. We’ve proven that we’re good at adapting.”
“We are very good at adapting,” Arizona agreed with a small laugh. She bit her lower lip and gazed adoringly at Callie. “Am I still allowed to kiss you?”
Callie answer by leaning across the short distance and covering Arizona’s smile with one. She meant for it to be short and sweet, but found herself unable to pull away after a few seconds passed. Arizona’s lips were intoxicating; she couldn’t get enough of her taste or her smell, or how soft her hair was whenever she ran her fingers through it.
Arizona gradually rolled to her left, allowing the kiss to deepen and freeing up a hand to explore Callie’s side. A soft moan escaped as she slid it underneath the hem of Callie’s black shirt, resting along the smooth curve of her hip.
Releasing a hard breath through her nose, Callie tangled her fingers in Arizona's hair, ignoring the warning signs that went off in the back of her mind. Given how hard they had already strained their self-control over the weeks and months spent getting to know each other, she knew how easy it would be to fall into the moment. Except that she found she didn’t care - this had been a long time coming as far as she was concerned, and given Arizona’s response, she knew they were pretty much on the same page.
Minding the injured leg, she rolled Arizona onto her back and followed the motion, breaking the kiss and hovering above her. She was unable to keep the smile from her face as her thumb gently traced along Arizona’s brow. “I’m really happy you’re here,” she said softly.
Arizona’s butterflies returned, swooping through her stomach as she lightly grasped Callie’s hips, meeting those stunning brown eyes with her own. She swallowed thickly and had a hard time breathing. “Me too.”
Callie lowered herself until they were kissing again, slower and deeper than before. She tried to keep most of her weight off of Arizona but the insistent hands tugging at her sides soon had their bodies contoured together. She released a groan into the kiss, her head spinning as she tried to absorb the sensations all at once.
Arizona only broke away when she needed to breathe, and even then it was made difficult as Callie's lips detoured down her neck.
“Callie, I-I,” she stuttered, her heart nearly pounding right through her ribcage. “I haven’t …”
“I know,” Callie murmured, nuzzling the crook of Arizona’s neck affectionately before forcing herself to pull back. “Are you okay?”
Arizona quirked an eyebrow. “That’s one way of putting it,” she mused, managing a smile even though she was shivering.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Are you kidding?”
Chuckling, Callie stole another taste of Arizona’s lips before letting her catch her breath. “I’m not trying to sex you up; I’m just enjoying having you here with me.”
Pouting, Arizona splayed her fingers across the brunette’s bare skin, fingertips curving over her waist to draw small circles along her lower back. “You’re not?”
“No,” Callie smirked, sneaking another kiss. “That’s against the rules.”
“Which we haven’t made yet and are probably already breaking,” Arizona pointed out.
“I can live with that if you can,” Callie murmured, dipping back down to gently suck on Arizona’s throat.
The blonde’s eyes rolled back into her head before closing entirely. “M’kay,” she said hoarsely, far from complaining. The things Callie was doing to her body right now went so far beyond just kissing that it was embarrassing to admit. She subconsciously bunched the hem of the brunette’s t-shirt in her fists and gave it an upward pull.
Callie felt the implication and paused in what she was doing, taking a second to decide whether or not her next move was a smart idea. Knowing full well it would only serve to torture them both, she sat back anyway, straddling Arizona’s hips and pulling the shirt over her head, quickly discarding it to the side.
Arizona’s breath left her lungs and she found herself rendered speechless. She hadn’t been expecting the move and the sight that greeted her was stunning.
Smirking triumphantly, Callie lowered herself again and playfully dropped a kiss against Arizona’s ear. “You’re drooling,” she whispered, a husky chuckle drawing goosebumps from the woman beneath her.
“I thought-” Arizona nearly swallowed her tongue when Callie’s bra-clad breasts pressed into her own. “I-I thought you…you said no sex?”
“Second base isn’t sex,” Callie murmured, taking Arizona’s earlobe between her teeth and tugging.
Arizona whimpered and awkwardly let her hands hover off to the side, unsure what she was allowed to do with them. The temptation to roam every inch of exposed skin was almost too much to resist, but she wanted to be mindful of Callie’s ‘rules’ - even if she did seem to be breaking about a dozen on her own.
“It’s okay,” Callie said a moment later, lifting her head. “You can touch me if you want to.” Brown eyes scanned for Arizona’s reaction, knowing how long it had been since she’d been intimate with another person. Following such a brutal attack, Callie didn’t expect it to be easy for her to get close to someone again. She was enjoying what they were doing, but more important to her was making sure that Arizona was enjoying it, too.
Despite her initial speechlessness, Arizona seemed to recover quickly, her smile sliding back into place as she dragging her fingertips up Callie’s bare sides. “You’re beautiful,” she whispered, lifting her head to draw her into another kiss.
Callie swept her tongue into Arizona’s mouth and did her best to keep things slow and careful, a difficult task when the blonde’s hands were caressing her so sensually. She felt one of them drift further up her body, a thumb grazing the underside of her lacy garment, pausing with uncertainty. Without breaking apart, Callie reached down and guided it over her breast, smiling against Arizona’s lips when she released an appreciative moan in response.
Callie had to bite back one of her own when Arizona’s hand squeezed reflexively, sending an unmistakable shot of arousal right between her legs. Suddenly she wasn’t just worried about Arizona’s wellbeing in all of this; it was becoming harder and harder knowing she had to stop before things went too far.
It would be so unbelievably easy to just throw caution to the wind, giving in to the urge they both felt coursing through their veins. Callie knew she wanted to be with Arizona now more than ever, positive that she had never felt this kind of a connection before. Arizona was the first person she could honestly say she wanted to lie in bed with and forever feel the way she was feeling right now. It had never occurred to her until now that she hadn’t felt this pull as strongly with her previous partners.
Thoughts like those were not making the idea of stopping any more attractive. Sex was still off the table and suddenly she wasn’t so sure she wanted it to be.
With her resolve beginning to crumble, Callie pulled away again and met those deep blue eyes that she was falling so hard for. Seeing nothing but trust and a reflection of her own desire shining back at her, she dropped her mouth to the apex of Arizona’s jaw, starting a slow, strategic trail down the side of her neck.
Sucking in a sharp breath, Arizona pulled her left knee up, pressing her thigh into Callie’s side as she settled on top of her. “You are a terrible tease,” she murmured, threading her fingers into dark tresses and sighing contently.
“I can stop any time you want me to,” Callie mumbled distractedly, showing no signs of doing any such thing.
“That would be a bad idea,” Arizona said as her right hand rounded over smooth lace, swiping a thumb across the hardened peak straining beneath the material.
Pulling her head back, Callie quirked an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”
Arizona matched the expression with one of her own. “Do you want me to spontaneously combust? It would ruin these pretty bed sheets.”
Callie laughed and stole a brief kiss from one of Arizona’s dimples, smirking when the blonde scrunched her nose and turned her head the other way. “Hm. Can’t have that, can we?”
Arizona nudged her playfully in the stomach, pushing up and forcing Callie to sit back and straddle her thighs. She circled both arms around Callie’s waist and tilted her head back, smiling when strong arms looped over her shoulders. “I had an amazing day today. Thank you.”
“Any time.” Callie had a feeling that nothing short of Cristina bursting in could make her look away right now. She found herself just as mesmerized with those blue eyes as she had been the first time they met. This time they were softer, more at ease; the underlying suffering she was so often witness to had receded into the background. Arizona really did look happy and Callie sincerely hoped she was a part of it.
Callie dipped her head the short distance, their lips meeting in another slow, tentative kiss. A shiver ran up her spine when Arizona’s delicate hands traced patterns along her ribcage, and she felt as much as she heard a small laugh bubble up from the blonde’s chest not a moment later.
“What’s so funny?” Callie asked, pulling away and lightly brushing their noses together.
Arizona’s dimples returned full force. “I told you you wouldn’t be able to keep things PG,” she said smugly, wiggling her eyebrows in triumph.
Callie scoffed and rolled her eyes as Arizona giggled again, feeling the arms around her waist tighten to keep her from escaping. “Whatever. You’re the one that lured me in here with naughty intentions.”
“Me?” Arizona echoed, feigning offense. “You’re the one that took your shirt off,” she pointed out, leaning in to suck on a patch of skin along the brunette’s collarbone. A low groan escaped from the back of her throat, the warmth that was radiating from Callie more enticing than anything she could ever remember.
She stood by her earlier statement - a woman’s neck was the perfect blend of everything about her. Calliope smelled of lavender and coconut shampoo, mixed with a faint hint of perfume and what Arizona could only assume was her natural, heady scent. She closed her eyes and burrowed her nose into warm skin, breathing her in and enjoying the luxury of staying in the moment.
Callie sensed Arizona’s relaxation and stilled on top of her, dipping her nose into golden curls and stroking her fingers along the base of her neck. Patience had never been one of her strong points, but with Arizona she felt calm and willing to wait as long as she needed to. Nothing about this felt rushed or forced, and she was quite content to stay in place.
Neither of them moved until Callie eventually felt the subtle shift of Arizona’s head, dipping to the side and nuzzling the valley between her breasts. It wasn’t until a low, satisfied groan met her ears and Arizona’s smile grazed her skin that Callie let out a short bark of laughter.
“Seriously?” She cocked an eyebrow in mock disbelief.
When Arizona reluctantly lifted her face again, she fixed Callie with a dopey smile that made it impossible to feel anything other than affection for her.
“You’re ridiculous,” Callie stated with a wide grin, bringing her hands around to cup Arizona’s face between them. She pulled their lips back together, the same thrill vibrating in her chest the moment they reconnected.
Arizona made no apologies, getting swept away in the kiss and allowing her hands to curve around the strong thighs on either side of her body. Her fingers stroked over Callie’s jeans, itching to feel bare skin beneath them instead. The only thing running through her mind right now was how badly she wanted to roam every inch of Callie Torres with her hands, with her lips; she wanted to take her time and explore, getting to know the woman that occupied her every thought these days.
The kiss deepened of its own accord, with Callie pushing forward and allowing their tongues to tango. She felt a hand break away from her hip and nails dig into the small of her back, responding by dropping one of her own to Arizona’s chest and feeling the always-present dog tags resting over her heart.
Arizona released a hard breath and growled when Callie palmed her breast, the ache of arousal emanating from her core. Her right hand dropped down to curve over Callie’s ass, squeezing reflexively and drawing her closer.
The bold move spurred Callie on, her fingers finding their way beneath the hem of Arizona’s shirt and pushing it up her stomach, ready to remove the barrier entirely.
Arizona was okay until she wasn’t. One moment she was this close to begging Callie to just forget about any stupid, overrated rules; the next she felt the brunette’s touch graze the jagged scar marring her side and everything changed. It was as though someone had unexpectedly dumped a bucket of ice water over them both, every muscle in her body going rigid and a shot of paralyzing fear freezing her to the spot.
A hand flew down to clamp around Callie’s wrist, stopping her in her tracks. “Don’t,” she begged, her throat constricting and making it impossible to breathe.
Callie was so caught up in the moment that she didn’t catch on right away. She was met with resistance when she attempted to kiss Arizona again, causing her to lean back and frown in confusion. It wasn’t until she realized how pale the blonde had turned that she really clued in.
Shocked and horrified at what she had done, Callie immediately froze in place. “Oh, god, I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered, feeling her stomach hit the floor.
Arizona squeezed her eyes shut as her heart pounded violently in her chest, her whole body still vibrating from the sudden surge of adrenaline. It surprised her almost as much as it did Callie; that instant, visceral reaction to being touched that way. It came out of left field and now she didn’t know what to do. She couldn't think; it was as though her mind had sudden shut down and refused to let her do anything but shake uncontrollably.
“I’m so sorry,” Callie whispered, suddenly breaking Arizona’s hold and scrambling off of the bed. She felt sick as she grabbed her shirt and hurriedly pulled it back on with quivering hands. She was fighting the urge to flee, to run away from what she had done as quickly as possible. The only thing keeping her in that room was the desperate need to make sure Arizona was okay. She had no idea what had just happened but the look on the blonde’s face terrified her.
Arizona swallowed thickly and sat there for a long moment, unable to move. It was a while before she could finally force her eyes open, her vision unfocused and blurry as she tried to concentrate on Callie.
“It’s not you,” she whispered hoarsely. “It’s - it’s not you.” Arizona covered her face with her hands and released an uneven breath, willing her heart beat to slow down. She couldn’t think straight.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Callie pleaded, blinking back tears. “I’m so sorry. I pushed a-and I shouldn’t have pushed.” She looked down at her feet, struggling with the sight of Arizona looking so small and fragile all of a sudden and knowing it was her own doing.
Arizona hated knowing that she’d made Callie feel like she had done something wrong. She had been just as involved in the moment as Callie had been and didn’t know what the hell happened from one second to the next. She felt betrayed by her own body, furious and humiliated at what it was doing to her.
It took another long pause but eventually she felt like she could move again. She shifted forward to sit over the edge of the bed, feeling a pang in her chest as Callie took an automatic step away, keeping a safe distance between them. Tightening her fists around the quilt beneath her and releasing a shaky breath to steady herself, Arizona lifted her head and met the brunette’s questioning gaze.
“This wasn’t your fault,” she said as calmly as she could manage. “Please, just…don't go. Come here.” She felt too weak to try and stand up right now, and she knew if Callie bolted she wouldn't be able to follow.
Callie hesitated, absolutely terrified that she might spook Arizona again if she got too close. She stepped forward tentatively, arms crossed protectively over her stomach as she fought to hold back tears.
With her heart in her throat, Arizona tried to reach over and touch her.
“Arizona, please, don’t,” Callie murmured, turning her head away. She felt too guilty to be touched or do any touching of her own, even if it was meant for comfort.
Arizona leaned out and grabbed her wrist anyway, holding tightly when Callie tried to pull back a second time. She managed to coax her onto the bed and the two of them sat side by side, not touching or speaking. Callie kept a foot and a half of distance between them.
An extended period of silence went by before Arizona could finally speak without her voice cracking. “I’m sorry. I had no idea that was going to happen until it did, otherwise I would have said something.”
“I know,” Callie said automatically, pulling her hands into her lap and staring at them. “But I don’t ever want to hurt you that way. I should’ve known not to-”
“How could you know when I didn’t?” Arizona smiled ruefully and inhaled a small breath. “You didn’t hurt me. You’ve never made me feel anything but good. I guess I’m just more screwed up than I realized,” she whispered, looking away again, embarrassed to feel tears burning behind her eyes.
“Arizona,” Callie said softly, feeling some of her own insecurities begin to fade at the vulnerability the blonde was displaying. “Don’t say that, okay? You’ve been through something unspeakable. Of course it’ll take time before you start feeling like yourself again.”
Arizona stared straight ahead and swiped a thumb under one eye, trying to keep a rogue tear at bay. “I hate that it keeps affecting you, too,” she admitted quietly, finally risking a tentative glance over. “I’m so sorry, Calliope.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Callie said, motioning as though she wanted to touch Arizona but still uncertain if she should.
“Please don’t pretend like none of this is a big deal,” Arizona sighed. “You shouldn’t have to keep going through this with me. It’s not fair to you.”
“You scared me,” Callie admitted, finally covering the other woman’s hand with her own. “But that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. I’m not judging you, Arizona, and I’m never going to push you away because you’re hurting or having a hard time.”
Met with more silence, Callie ducked her head and tried to catch the blonde’s gaze. “I’m here for you, in whatever way you need me to be. Whether you want to talk about it or not. Always.”
Arizona was too tired to look away, finding comfort in the sincerity behind Callie’s brown eyes. “I don’t know how long I’ll be like this,” she admitted.
“It doesn’t matter,” Callie replied, lacing their fingers together and giving a supportive squeeze. “There aren’t time frames for what you went through.”
Arizona released a heavy sigh, feeling drained all of a sudden. “I thought I was used to being poked and prodded after these last few months. That being touched wouldn’t be such a big deal anymore.”
Callie frowned, waiting patiently for her to continue.
“I haven’t been with anyone since I got hurt.” Arizona risked a glance upward. “The idea of taking my shirt off made me panic. I had no idea that was going to happen.”
While Callie could understand where the insecurities would come from, she still had a hard time believing that someone as beautiful as Arizona could be self-conscious about her looks.
“Arizona, you are stunning,” she said simply, wishing she could make the other woman believe her. “I can’t take my eyes off of you. I haven’t been able to since the moment we met. And your injuries, they’re…” She hesitated before very gently placing a hand where she knew the blonde’s biggest scar resided, over top of her shirt.
Arizona flinched but didn’t pull away.
Callie waited for her to get used to the sensation before continuing. “Scars are just…big freckles with stories. They’re a part of you and I still find the whole package gorgeous.”
“Freckles with stories?” Arizona echoed, adoring Callie’s lopsided grin.
Callie scooted closer on the bed. “Nothing you say or do is ever gonna scare me away, no matter how long it takes you to feel like yourself again. The sooner you get that, the less time I’ll have to spend repeating myself.”
Despite the lingering humiliation she was still feeling, Arizona found herself smiling. “I think I’m starting to catch on.”
Callie mirrored the smile, carefully looping an arm around Arizona’s back. “I think this is why we need to make rules, to keep things from getting out of hand until you’re ready again. Until we’re both ready,” she amended.
Arizona rested her cheek against Callie’s shoulder and expelled a tired sigh. “You’re right. It’s for our own good.” She fell silent as she tried to muster up enough brain power to think straight, her mind having trouble piecing itself back together after falling apart in such dramatic fashion.
Sensing Arizona’s lingering jitters, Callie decided to start them off. “Rule number one - don’t eat Cristina’s food. She’s like a grizzly bear when she’s in a bad mood.”
Arizona snorted. “Noted.”
Callie traced small circles where her hand came to rest on the blonde’s upper arm. “Is there anything personal that bugs you or any lines you feel need to be drawn?”
“I don’t like sharing my toothbrush,” Arizona admitted, glancing up sheepishly. “I know, it’s kind of stupid when you spend hours playing tonsil hockey with someone, but it’s always wigged me out.”
“Okay, see? That’s good to know,” Callie chuckled, dropping a kiss against the top of her head. “We’re getting somewhere. No toothbrush sharing.”
“What about you?” Arizona asked. “Anything that bugs the hell out of you I should know about?”
“Don’t steal my razors,” Callie said immediately. “Those things are expensive and every time I have one left, Cristina takes it. Drives me crazy.”
“That’s okay,” Arizona said casually. “I shave my legs with a knife. They teach you in the Marines.”
Callie paused, scrunching her forehead as she tried to picture what that would look like. “Uh…”
Arizona snickered and nudged her in the side. “I’m kidding,” she teased, grinning at the look on her face. “Seriously, do I look that butch to you? I’d probably cut off my one good leg trying.”
“Suddenly I’m a little wary of letting you wield a scalpel again,” Callie said with a smirk.
Arizona made a face and returned her cheek to its comfy perch on Callie’s shoulder, feeling her body finally relax and the last of the shivering come to a stop. “I think that covers bathroom rules. Any other household specifications you and Cristina set out?”
“‘Clean up your crap’ is supposed to be a rule, but I’m lucky if she takes the garbage out once a month,” Callie said. “I think it’s a resident thing. She’s not home much these days.”
“Giving us the apartment to ourselves?” Arizona asked innocently, trying to re-infuse the conversation with some of its previous lighthearted teasing.
Callie smirked again and squeezed her shoulders. “I think that brings us to our own special set of rules.” She licked her lips nervously. “Are you okay to talk about it right now?”
“I’m not fragile,” Arizona replied, fixing Callie with what she hoped was a stronger smile. “A little crazy sometimes, but definitely not breakable.”
“You’re not crazy, either,” Callie chastised. “You really need to stop saying that.”
Arizona chose not to respond directly, instead forwarding her thoughts to how a new relationship would work when they were already living together. “I’m not sure how we should be doing this. Are there places or times we should act strictly as roommates?”
Callie frowned, thinking about it. “I’m gonna be tempted to kiss you a lot,” she admitted. “Maybe we should put a cap on it? A ‘number allowed per day’ kind of thing? Or maybe some places it’s allowed, some where it’s not?”
Arizona wrinkled her nose. “I think counting numbers is a bit extreme. Callie kisses are the highlight of my day. I don’t think I’ll be able to survive on a finite number.”
Callie laughed. “What do you think, then? We really do need some way of keeping ourselves in check.” Especially after what had just happened, but she kept that part to herself. She didn’t want Arizona feeling guilty or bad when it wasn’t something she could control.
When Arizona didn’t answer right away, Callie turned to face her directly and extracted the arm from around her shoulders. She tucked a stray curl behind Arizona’s ear, studying her closely. “What would make you more comfortable? I really don’t want us to rush things. We can still take it slow.”
As much as a part of her wanted to push for looser restrictions, Arizona had to agree with Callie. Clearly her head and her heart were in different places right now; she wanted them both to be on the same page so she didn’t spook Callie with another incident like this one.
“How about this?” Arizona pulled her good leg underneath her, getting more comfortable. “No kissing in each other’s rooms, especially not on any beds. That way we’re not asking for trouble.”
“Sounds reasonable,” Callie said with a nod. “We could do our best to keep the physical side of things on the couch? That way we’re in a public space and have to behave on some level.”
Arizona quirked an eyebrow. “Cristina just told us not to.”
“She said no sex on the couch,” Callie corrected. “We’re not talking about sex, we’re talking about hanging out on the same piece of furniture and making out like teenagers.”
Arizona laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. “Okay then, that’s rule number three. No kissing unless we’re on the couch.”
“Rule number four - said kissing on the couch needs to happen when we’re both sober,” Callie added. “Something tells me that if neither of us are in the right state of mind, we’ll forget all about this conversation and get ahead of ourselves again.”
“Darn, there goes my master plan to get you drunk and take advantage,” Arizona teased, tugging on the front of Callie’s shirt.
Callie smiled, realizing that she was even more smitten with this woman than she thought. “We can always re-evaluate in a few weeks once you’ve settled in and our schedules are sorted out. You’ll probably be home a lot more than I will; I’m working a lot of hours this next month.”
“I’ve got physical therapy pretty much every day, so at least I won’t be a total couch potato,” Arizona said. “I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to cook you meals and pack you a bagged lunch.”
Callie’s features lit up. “You know, even when I was married that never happened. I kinda like the sound of that.”
“Good, because it’s the least I can do, given your services so far,” Arizona teased, tugging on the hem of her shirt again.
Callie’s brow skyrocketed.
“Not taking your top off,” Arizona clarified, blushing at the implication. “I meant fixing my leg and giving me a home without cockroaches.”
“I can’t promise there are no roaches. Cristina might have dishes growing legs under the pile of crap in her room.”
“Ew,” Arizona laughed, shivering at the mere thought. She was pretty sure Callie was exaggerating, given that the common areas really hadn’t been that bad. So she hoped, anyway.
“So we have couch kissing and no drunken bedroom adventures,” she said a moment later, running through the small list in her mind. “Anything else you can think of?”
Despite Arizona’s spirits having been successfully lifted, Callie felt nervous about bringing up her last request. She hesitated, wondering if this was the right time, but ended up speaking her mind anyway. If she didn’t say this now, she would chicken out later.
“No running.” Callie met the blonde’s gaze and held it.
Arizona gave her a weird look. “Uh, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not exactly in marathon shape these days. You’re my surgeon, I kinda figured you knew that already.”
“No,” Callie sighed, suddenly jittery with nerves. “I mean…I know what you can be like when you’re hurting. I saw it every day in yours eyes at Seattle Grace when you tried not to let anybody notice it. Today has been amazing, and I feel like things are going to be really great, but…” She trailed off, licking her lips and taking Arizona’s hands in her own.
“When you’re hurting or something triggers a bad memory, please don’t push me away. I know this is still new for both of us, but it won’t work if you keep your distance when things get rough. Even if you don’t always feel like talking to me about it, I can still be there to help you feel safe again. So if you have a bad day, don’t run. The same goes for me.”
Arizona looked a little wary. “Callie, I…”
“I’m not saying you have to tell me details of what you went through,” Callie said lightly. “I can and do respect that there are parts of your life you’re not ready to talk about. But I’ve been in too many relationships with zero communication and it never works out in the end. And this,” she added, holding Arizona’s hand to her chest, “this is too important to me not to work out. Okay?”
Processing that for a moment, Arizona finally nodded. “Okay. If I have a bad day, I promise I’ll tell you.”
Callie sighed with relief, grateful that she hadn’t accidentally stuck her foot in her mouth. She pulled Arizona into her arms and was met with no resistance as the blonde burrowed into the crook of her neck again.
“Are you hungry?” Callie rubbed a soothing hand up and down her back. “I still owe you that pizza I promised earlier.”
Arizona smiled against the brunette’s skin, making no move to pull away. “Milkshakes, pizza, and twenty-one hours a day spent sitting or lying down? I’m gonna be so attractive when I start walking again.”
Callie pulled back and grinned broadly. “Hey, that’s the first time I’ve heard you say ‘when’ and not ‘if’. That’s awesome.”
Arizona shrugged nonchalantly. “What can I say? My girlfriend is a genius and keeps me motivated.”
She noticed Callie’s expression change, then realized her mistake. “Crap, I didn’t mean…sorry,” Arizona blushed. “I guess we haven’t really talked about that yet, huh?”
“Am I your girlfriend?” Callie asked carefully, as though she were nervous about the answer.
Arizona bit her lip and nodded once. “I was hoping you’d be,” she said honestly. “I’m a lot of things, but I am not a big enough person to sit here and listen to you talk about other girls. Or watch you come home with them.” She frowned, realizing this could be a huge issue that they probably should have discussed earlier - as in before she agreed to move in.
Callie, however, could only smile radiantly - Arizona Robbins had just called her her girlfriend. Nothing else mattered. “There are no other women, Arizona,” she cut in before the blonde could over-process things. “I don’t plan on seeing anyone else as long as you’re in my life. I can’t take my eyes off of you long enough to even notice.”
Relief flooded through Arizona and she released a happy sigh. “So,” she began, leaning into Callie and gently brushing her fingers along her collarbone, eyes straying to the tantalizingly full lips mere inches away. “Does this mean you’ll go steady with me?”
Callie snorted, curling a hand around the back of Arizona’s neck and shaking her head in disbelief. “You are such a dork,” she said fondly, pulling her into one final kiss and sealing the deal.
Arizona didn’t need a verbal answer - that was as big of a yes as she could ever have hoped for.
---
Scar Tissue (Part Two)
Chapter 17-A
Authors: kennedysbitch & livelovelearneg
Beta'd by englishstrawbie
Rating: NC-17 [Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content]
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer
Scar Tissue [masterpost]
Summary: When Arizona Robbins’ brother dies in Iraq, her life takes off in a completely different direction. Now a highly-rated trauma surgeon with the United States Marine Corps, she spends the three years following his death serving their country overseas - until an insurgent attack leaves her with debilitating injuries. Traveling to Seattle at her father’s request, she falls under the care of orthopedic surgeon Dr. Calliope Torres. Damaged emotionally and physically, Arizona tries to start the healing process with the help of a headstrong woman she never saw coming.
Part Two: Now free from the confines of a hospital bed for the first time
in almost five months, Arizona begins her physical and emotional recovery while
navigating a budding yet rocky relationship with Callie Torres.
Warnings: Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content
Trailer:
Click to viewA/N: Huge, majorly big ‘thank you’s to englishstrawbie for talking me off the edge of a cliff with this one, as she so often does throughout the editing process. In the words of Calliope Torres, ‘you are great’! <3
---
The car ride back to the apartment was full of light banter and easy conversation. Now that her nerves had faded, Arizona felt more relaxed than she had all week. Listening to Callie talk about Cristina and some of their other coworkers provided enough entertainment to keep her laughing as they rode the elevator up to the fourth floor. Callie was the perfect gentlewoman and real estate agent as she gave a quick run down of the building amenities and nearby locations for convenience. Arizona stood back as she led her to the end of the hall and took out her keys, jamming them into the deadbolt and letting them inside.
“So - initial impressions?” Callie asked as she closed and locked the door behind them. She took Arizona’s jacket and bag, hanging them on the coat rack before doing the same with her own.
“It’s nice,” Arizona replied, kicking her shoes off with some difficulty and hobbling further into the room. She scanned the layout of the apartment, trying to decide whether or not she had ever pictured Callie living in this kind of space before. “It’s very…dark.”
“Dark?” Callie echoed, stepping into Arizona’s personal space and running a hand up her side. She followed her gaze, trying to pick out what exactly constituted use of the word ‘dark’. “Is that a bad thing?”
“I didn’t say that,” Arizona said, having some difficulty focusing with Callie standing so close. “It’s just - it could use an open window. Or…something.” She furrowed her brow.
Smirking, Callie moved across the room and pulled open the blinds covering the far window, allowing sunlight to spill across the grey carpet. “Better?”
Arizona chewed on her bottom lip and remained silent. Although it was indeed brighter than before, the chrome and black interior still absorbed any and all colour. It was taking a moment for her eyes to adjust.
Laughing at Arizona’s facial expression, Callie returned to her side and reached up to run her fingers through long, golden curls. “I see. So you’re the nit-picky type, huh? This is gonna be fun.”
“No, I swear,” Arizona objected, shaking her head vigorously. The last thing she wanted Callie to think was that she was ungrateful and complaining. “Dark is good! Dark is awesome. I’m just surprised, that’s all. I pictured you living in something a little less…cave-like.” Her eyes widened. “Not that cave-like is bad, it’s very stylish and ‘in’ these days. I’m not-”
Deciding that it was time to save Arizona before her good foot ended up crammed down her throat, Callie dipped her head and interrupted the stuttering with a kiss. It had the desired effect as Arizona immediately felt silent and melted into the embrace. Callie made a mental note to use this method more often.
Their lips were barely connected for more than a few seconds when Cristina decided to announce her presence.
“Blame Torres,” she said loudly, emerging from the nearby kitchen with a bowl of cereal in one hand and a headphone wire dangling from the other. Music blared loud enough for Arizona to wonder how she hadn’t gone deaf yet. Cristina plucked the second earpiece out and her voice immediately returned to a normal level. “She decorated it."
The resident paused in front of the couple, acting as though she had barely even noticed their public display of affection. She gave Arizona a blank look, sizing her up. “You're Callie’s fugitive patient.”
Arizona cleared her throat and nodded in response, subtly stepping away from Callie so she could focus on her potential new roommate. “Arizona Robbins. Nice to meet you, Dr. Yang.” Normally she would have offered to shake hands but she had already been warned not to on the way over.
Cristina cocked an eyebrow at the bizarre name but Callie silenced her with a deadly glare, quelling any snarky comments.
“Okay then." Cristina turned, flapping a hand in the direction of a back hallway. "The third bedroom is down there. It’s big and has an east facing window, but the closet is kind of small.” She smirked. "Ironically."
“Everything I currently own fits into a duffle bag,” Arizona pointed out. “I’m sure it’s more than enough space.”
“The apartment is usually cleaner than this,” Callie added, trying not to grimace when she saw the state that the couch and coffee table were in. “Cristina just so happens to be the biggest slob on the planet, and I’ve been working so much lately that I haven’t had time to clean up after her. Luckily she keeps the kitchen clear but that’s about as far as her housekeeping goes.”
“It’s not that bad,” Arizona said, though she was fighting the urge to grab a vacuum cleaner and suck up all of the food containers strewn around the television area. It wasn’t nearly as bad as other places she had seen in the past, she was just a bit of a neat freak - whether that was a part of her military upbringing or just an annoying personality trait she had picked up from her mother, she wasn’t entirely sure.
Cristina rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Just don’t have sex on the furniture and we’re golden.”
It was Arizona’s turn to look surprised. “Excuse me?”
“Callie and the last one had sex on the couch at least twice. I’m drawing a line.”
If looks could kill, Yang would be dead right now. “Cristina,” Callie growled out, gritting her teeth. She was suddenly wishing she hadn’t introduced Arizona to her roommate so soon; perhaps it would’ve been better to wait until after she had moved in. If she was written into the lease, it would be harder to run away from Cristina’s abrasive personality.
“If you’re gonna bump genitals or whatever, then do it in your own room,” Cristina snapped. “No sex on my couch. My couch. Period.”
Arizona looked amused. “Fair enough,” she replied, sneaking a sideways glance at Callie and making a note to inquire about that later. “We’ll keep it in the bedroom.”
Callie blushed and tried unsuccessfully to hide it. She was going to smother Cristina with a pillow the first chance she got.
“Anything weird about you I should know?” Cristina shoveled a spoonful of cereal into her mouth.
“Other than the fact that I’m disabled and one of you will have to carry me down the stairs if the building burns down?” Arizona pondered for a moment. “Honestly? I cook, I’m quiet and I have no friends. You won’t even know I’m here.”
“Perfect. Pay rent, keep your pants on, don’t touch my food, and we have a deal.” Cristina put her headphones back in.
“Sounds good.” Arizona watched Yang breeze by them, heading for her bedroom. A few seconds later she heard the door close. “I’m assuming that means she doesn’t hate me?”
“Cristina hates everyone,” Callie mused. “But you’re in, so the room is yours if you want it.” She tried not to look too hopeful.
“You’re making it really hard to say no,” Arizona replied, flashing her a sly smile. She tugged on the front of Callie’s shirt, fighting the urge to continue where they left off before the interruption. She mustered up some self-control and forced herself to turn around instead, knowing they had more to take care of before the kissing could resume.
“Where would I be sleeping?”
“This way.” Shaking off her libido’s demands, Callie led Arizona past the kitchen and down the small hallway to the back of the apartment. “My room is on the left and yours is right across the hall. It’s next to the bathroom we would share so you shouldn’t have too much trouble getting back and forth while you’re recovering.”
Steering Arizona up to the doorway, Callie pushed it open before taking a step back and remaining behind the threshold, allowing her to explore and come to her own conclusions. She figured hovering and talking incessantly about how great everything was would be counterproductive.
Arizona gazed around the big space and refrained from letting out a whoop of joy at the queen-size bed centered against the opposite wall. Considering the living conditions she was used to, this place was on par with the royal palace as far as she was concerned.
“It’s nothing special,” Callie said hurriedly, finding herself rather nervous as Arizona stayed silent during the inspection process. “The bedrooms aren’t huge or anything; we mostly got the place for the kitchen and living room. And the shower is pretty nice, too. The bathroom was redone about a year ago.”
Arizona stopped next to the bed and turned around, beaming with delight. “Nothing special? Clearly you haven’t seen the craphole I’ve been living in.” She tapped the bed with a crutch. “The mattress isn’t twenty-five years older than I am and you have both furniture and decent decorating taste. It’s perfect, Calliope.”
“Not too ‘dark’?”
Arizona’s smile widened. “No, it’s not too dark.”
Callie visibly relaxed, releasing a happy sigh. “I’m glad you like it.” She lifted an eyebrow. “Does this mean you’ll stay?”
Instead of answering, Arizona dropped her crutches to the floor, pivoted in place and jumped backward to flop on top of the sheets.
Callie cringed on reflex. “Watch the leg,” she scolded.
Arizona scooted up until she was in the center of the bed, then leaned back on her elbows. “As long as you swear you’re comfortable with it, I’m in. But only if you’re not having any doubts, okay? This is a new experience for both of us. I can find an apartment close by just as easily.”
Doubts were the last thing on Callie’s mind right now. She was so relieved that she would be able to keep an eye on Arizona from now on that she couldn’t imagine her living anywhere else.
“I’m more than okay with you living here,” she said earnestly, coming over to recline next to her on the bed. She folded her hands over her stomach and stared up at the ceiling. “We still need to figure out how to do this without messing things up, though.”
Arizona nodded in agreement. “Right. We need rules so we don’t get ahead of ourselves.”
Callie turned her head towards the blonde, finding it hard not to smile like a giddy teenager. “I think we’ll be okay. It’s not like any of this has been orthodox from the beginning. We’ve proven that we’re good at adapting.”
“We are very good at adapting,” Arizona agreed with a small laugh. She bit her lower lip and gazed adoringly at Callie. “Am I still allowed to kiss you?”
Callie answer by leaning across the short distance and covering Arizona’s smile with one. She meant for it to be short and sweet, but found herself unable to pull away after a few seconds passed. Arizona’s lips were intoxicating; she couldn’t get enough of her taste or her smell, or how soft her hair was whenever she ran her fingers through it.
Arizona gradually rolled to her left, allowing the kiss to deepen and freeing up a hand to explore Callie’s side. A soft moan escaped as she slid it underneath the hem of Callie’s black shirt, resting along the smooth curve of her hip.
Releasing a hard breath through her nose, Callie tangled her fingers in Arizona's hair, ignoring the warning signs that went off in the back of her mind. Given how hard they had already strained their self-control over the weeks and months spent getting to know each other, she knew how easy it would be to fall into the moment. Except that she found she didn’t care - this had been a long time coming as far as she was concerned, and given Arizona’s response, she knew they were pretty much on the same page.
Minding the injured leg, she rolled Arizona onto her back and followed the motion, breaking the kiss and hovering above her. She was unable to keep the smile from her face as her thumb gently traced along Arizona’s brow. “I’m really happy you’re here,” she said softly.
Arizona’s butterflies returned, swooping through her stomach as she lightly grasped Callie’s hips, meeting those stunning brown eyes with her own. She swallowed thickly and had a hard time breathing. “Me too.”
Callie lowered herself until they were kissing again, slower and deeper than before. She tried to keep most of her weight off of Arizona but the insistent hands tugging at her sides soon had their bodies contoured together. She released a groan into the kiss, her head spinning as she tried to absorb the sensations all at once.
Arizona only broke away when she needed to breathe, and even then it was made difficult as Callie's lips detoured down her neck.
“Callie, I-I,” she stuttered, her heart nearly pounding right through her ribcage. “I haven’t …”
“I know,” Callie murmured, nuzzling the crook of Arizona’s neck affectionately before forcing herself to pull back. “Are you okay?”
Arizona quirked an eyebrow. “That’s one way of putting it,” she mused, managing a smile even though she was shivering.
“Do you want me to stop?”
“Are you kidding?”
Chuckling, Callie stole another taste of Arizona’s lips before letting her catch her breath. “I’m not trying to sex you up; I’m just enjoying having you here with me.”
Pouting, Arizona splayed her fingers across the brunette’s bare skin, fingertips curving over her waist to draw small circles along her lower back. “You’re not?”
“No,” Callie smirked, sneaking another kiss. “That’s against the rules.”
“Which we haven’t made yet and are probably already breaking,” Arizona pointed out.
“I can live with that if you can,” Callie murmured, dipping back down to gently suck on Arizona’s throat.
The blonde’s eyes rolled back into her head before closing entirely. “M’kay,” she said hoarsely, far from complaining. The things Callie was doing to her body right now went so far beyond just kissing that it was embarrassing to admit. She subconsciously bunched the hem of the brunette’s t-shirt in her fists and gave it an upward pull.
Callie felt the implication and paused in what she was doing, taking a second to decide whether or not her next move was a smart idea. Knowing full well it would only serve to torture them both, she sat back anyway, straddling Arizona’s hips and pulling the shirt over her head, quickly discarding it to the side.
Arizona’s breath left her lungs and she found herself rendered speechless. She hadn’t been expecting the move and the sight that greeted her was stunning.
Smirking triumphantly, Callie lowered herself again and playfully dropped a kiss against Arizona’s ear. “You’re drooling,” she whispered, a husky chuckle drawing goosebumps from the woman beneath her.
“I thought-” Arizona nearly swallowed her tongue when Callie’s bra-clad breasts pressed into her own. “I-I thought you…you said no sex?”
“Second base isn’t sex,” Callie murmured, taking Arizona’s earlobe between her teeth and tugging.
Arizona whimpered and awkwardly let her hands hover off to the side, unsure what she was allowed to do with them. The temptation to roam every inch of exposed skin was almost too much to resist, but she wanted to be mindful of Callie’s ‘rules’ - even if she did seem to be breaking about a dozen on her own.
“It’s okay,” Callie said a moment later, lifting her head. “You can touch me if you want to.” Brown eyes scanned for Arizona’s reaction, knowing how long it had been since she’d been intimate with another person. Following such a brutal attack, Callie didn’t expect it to be easy for her to get close to someone again. She was enjoying what they were doing, but more important to her was making sure that Arizona was enjoying it, too.
Despite her initial speechlessness, Arizona seemed to recover quickly, her smile sliding back into place as she dragging her fingertips up Callie’s bare sides. “You’re beautiful,” she whispered, lifting her head to draw her into another kiss.
Callie swept her tongue into Arizona’s mouth and did her best to keep things slow and careful, a difficult task when the blonde’s hands were caressing her so sensually. She felt one of them drift further up her body, a thumb grazing the underside of her lacy garment, pausing with uncertainty. Without breaking apart, Callie reached down and guided it over her breast, smiling against Arizona’s lips when she released an appreciative moan in response.
Callie had to bite back one of her own when Arizona’s hand squeezed reflexively, sending an unmistakable shot of arousal right between her legs. Suddenly she wasn’t just worried about Arizona’s wellbeing in all of this; it was becoming harder and harder knowing she had to stop before things went too far.
It would be so unbelievably easy to just throw caution to the wind, giving in to the urge they both felt coursing through their veins. Callie knew she wanted to be with Arizona now more than ever, positive that she had never felt this kind of a connection before. Arizona was the first person she could honestly say she wanted to lie in bed with and forever feel the way she was feeling right now. It had never occurred to her until now that she hadn’t felt this pull as strongly with her previous partners.
Thoughts like those were not making the idea of stopping any more attractive. Sex was still off the table and suddenly she wasn’t so sure she wanted it to be.
With her resolve beginning to crumble, Callie pulled away again and met those deep blue eyes that she was falling so hard for. Seeing nothing but trust and a reflection of her own desire shining back at her, she dropped her mouth to the apex of Arizona’s jaw, starting a slow, strategic trail down the side of her neck.
Sucking in a sharp breath, Arizona pulled her left knee up, pressing her thigh into Callie’s side as she settled on top of her. “You are a terrible tease,” she murmured, threading her fingers into dark tresses and sighing contently.
“I can stop any time you want me to,” Callie mumbled distractedly, showing no signs of doing any such thing.
“That would be a bad idea,” Arizona said as her right hand rounded over smooth lace, swiping a thumb across the hardened peak straining beneath the material.
Pulling her head back, Callie quirked an eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”
Arizona matched the expression with one of her own. “Do you want me to spontaneously combust? It would ruin these pretty bed sheets.”
Callie laughed and stole a brief kiss from one of Arizona’s dimples, smirking when the blonde scrunched her nose and turned her head the other way. “Hm. Can’t have that, can we?”
Arizona nudged her playfully in the stomach, pushing up and forcing Callie to sit back and straddle her thighs. She circled both arms around Callie’s waist and tilted her head back, smiling when strong arms looped over her shoulders. “I had an amazing day today. Thank you.”
“Any time.” Callie had a feeling that nothing short of Cristina bursting in could make her look away right now. She found herself just as mesmerized with those blue eyes as she had been the first time they met. This time they were softer, more at ease; the underlying suffering she was so often witness to had receded into the background. Arizona really did look happy and Callie sincerely hoped she was a part of it.
Callie dipped her head the short distance, their lips meeting in another slow, tentative kiss. A shiver ran up her spine when Arizona’s delicate hands traced patterns along her ribcage, and she felt as much as she heard a small laugh bubble up from the blonde’s chest not a moment later.
“What’s so funny?” Callie asked, pulling away and lightly brushing their noses together.
Arizona’s dimples returned full force. “I told you you wouldn’t be able to keep things PG,” she said smugly, wiggling her eyebrows in triumph.
Callie scoffed and rolled her eyes as Arizona giggled again, feeling the arms around her waist tighten to keep her from escaping. “Whatever. You’re the one that lured me in here with naughty intentions.”
“Me?” Arizona echoed, feigning offense. “You’re the one that took your shirt off,” she pointed out, leaning in to suck on a patch of skin along the brunette’s collarbone. A low groan escaped from the back of her throat, the warmth that was radiating from Callie more enticing than anything she could ever remember.
She stood by her earlier statement - a woman’s neck was the perfect blend of everything about her. Calliope smelled of lavender and coconut shampoo, mixed with a faint hint of perfume and what Arizona could only assume was her natural, heady scent. She closed her eyes and burrowed her nose into warm skin, breathing her in and enjoying the luxury of staying in the moment.
Callie sensed Arizona’s relaxation and stilled on top of her, dipping her nose into golden curls and stroking her fingers along the base of her neck. Patience had never been one of her strong points, but with Arizona she felt calm and willing to wait as long as she needed to. Nothing about this felt rushed or forced, and she was quite content to stay in place.
Neither of them moved until Callie eventually felt the subtle shift of Arizona’s head, dipping to the side and nuzzling the valley between her breasts. It wasn’t until a low, satisfied groan met her ears and Arizona’s smile grazed her skin that Callie let out a short bark of laughter.
“Seriously?” She cocked an eyebrow in mock disbelief.
When Arizona reluctantly lifted her face again, she fixed Callie with a dopey smile that made it impossible to feel anything other than affection for her.
“You’re ridiculous,” Callie stated with a wide grin, bringing her hands around to cup Arizona’s face between them. She pulled their lips back together, the same thrill vibrating in her chest the moment they reconnected.
Arizona made no apologies, getting swept away in the kiss and allowing her hands to curve around the strong thighs on either side of her body. Her fingers stroked over Callie’s jeans, itching to feel bare skin beneath them instead. The only thing running through her mind right now was how badly she wanted to roam every inch of Callie Torres with her hands, with her lips; she wanted to take her time and explore, getting to know the woman that occupied her every thought these days.
The kiss deepened of its own accord, with Callie pushing forward and allowing their tongues to tango. She felt a hand break away from her hip and nails dig into the small of her back, responding by dropping one of her own to Arizona’s chest and feeling the always-present dog tags resting over her heart.
Arizona released a hard breath and growled when Callie palmed her breast, the ache of arousal emanating from her core. Her right hand dropped down to curve over Callie’s ass, squeezing reflexively and drawing her closer.
The bold move spurred Callie on, her fingers finding their way beneath the hem of Arizona’s shirt and pushing it up her stomach, ready to remove the barrier entirely.
Arizona was okay until she wasn’t. One moment she was this close to begging Callie to just forget about any stupid, overrated rules; the next she felt the brunette’s touch graze the jagged scar marring her side and everything changed. It was as though someone had unexpectedly dumped a bucket of ice water over them both, every muscle in her body going rigid and a shot of paralyzing fear freezing her to the spot.
A hand flew down to clamp around Callie’s wrist, stopping her in her tracks. “Don’t,” she begged, her throat constricting and making it impossible to breathe.
Callie was so caught up in the moment that she didn’t catch on right away. She was met with resistance when she attempted to kiss Arizona again, causing her to lean back and frown in confusion. It wasn’t until she realized how pale the blonde had turned that she really clued in.
Shocked and horrified at what she had done, Callie immediately froze in place. “Oh, god, I-I’m sorry,” she stuttered, feeling her stomach hit the floor.
Arizona squeezed her eyes shut as her heart pounded violently in her chest, her whole body still vibrating from the sudden surge of adrenaline. It surprised her almost as much as it did Callie; that instant, visceral reaction to being touched that way. It came out of left field and now she didn’t know what to do. She couldn't think; it was as though her mind had sudden shut down and refused to let her do anything but shake uncontrollably.
“I’m so sorry,” Callie whispered, suddenly breaking Arizona’s hold and scrambling off of the bed. She felt sick as she grabbed her shirt and hurriedly pulled it back on with quivering hands. She was fighting the urge to flee, to run away from what she had done as quickly as possible. The only thing keeping her in that room was the desperate need to make sure Arizona was okay. She had no idea what had just happened but the look on the blonde’s face terrified her.
Arizona swallowed thickly and sat there for a long moment, unable to move. It was a while before she could finally force her eyes open, her vision unfocused and blurry as she tried to concentrate on Callie.
“It’s not you,” she whispered hoarsely. “It’s - it’s not you.” Arizona covered her face with her hands and released an uneven breath, willing her heart beat to slow down. She couldn’t think straight.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” Callie pleaded, blinking back tears. “I’m so sorry. I pushed a-and I shouldn’t have pushed.” She looked down at her feet, struggling with the sight of Arizona looking so small and fragile all of a sudden and knowing it was her own doing.
Arizona hated knowing that she’d made Callie feel like she had done something wrong. She had been just as involved in the moment as Callie had been and didn’t know what the hell happened from one second to the next. She felt betrayed by her own body, furious and humiliated at what it was doing to her.
It took another long pause but eventually she felt like she could move again. She shifted forward to sit over the edge of the bed, feeling a pang in her chest as Callie took an automatic step away, keeping a safe distance between them. Tightening her fists around the quilt beneath her and releasing a shaky breath to steady herself, Arizona lifted her head and met the brunette’s questioning gaze.
“This wasn’t your fault,” she said as calmly as she could manage. “Please, just…don't go. Come here.” She felt too weak to try and stand up right now, and she knew if Callie bolted she wouldn't be able to follow.
Callie hesitated, absolutely terrified that she might spook Arizona again if she got too close. She stepped forward tentatively, arms crossed protectively over her stomach as she fought to hold back tears.
With her heart in her throat, Arizona tried to reach over and touch her.
“Arizona, please, don’t,” Callie murmured, turning her head away. She felt too guilty to be touched or do any touching of her own, even if it was meant for comfort.
Arizona leaned out and grabbed her wrist anyway, holding tightly when Callie tried to pull back a second time. She managed to coax her onto the bed and the two of them sat side by side, not touching or speaking. Callie kept a foot and a half of distance between them.
An extended period of silence went by before Arizona could finally speak without her voice cracking. “I’m sorry. I had no idea that was going to happen until it did, otherwise I would have said something.”
“I know,” Callie said automatically, pulling her hands into her lap and staring at them. “But I don’t ever want to hurt you that way. I should’ve known not to-”
“How could you know when I didn’t?” Arizona smiled ruefully and inhaled a small breath. “You didn’t hurt me. You’ve never made me feel anything but good. I guess I’m just more screwed up than I realized,” she whispered, looking away again, embarrassed to feel tears burning behind her eyes.
“Arizona,” Callie said softly, feeling some of her own insecurities begin to fade at the vulnerability the blonde was displaying. “Don’t say that, okay? You’ve been through something unspeakable. Of course it’ll take time before you start feeling like yourself again.”
Arizona stared straight ahead and swiped a thumb under one eye, trying to keep a rogue tear at bay. “I hate that it keeps affecting you, too,” she admitted quietly, finally risking a tentative glance over. “I’m so sorry, Calliope.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Callie said, motioning as though she wanted to touch Arizona but still uncertain if she should.
“Please don’t pretend like none of this is a big deal,” Arizona sighed. “You shouldn’t have to keep going through this with me. It’s not fair to you.”
“You scared me,” Callie admitted, finally covering the other woman’s hand with her own. “But that doesn’t mean you did anything wrong. I’m not judging you, Arizona, and I’m never going to push you away because you’re hurting or having a hard time.”
Met with more silence, Callie ducked her head and tried to catch the blonde’s gaze. “I’m here for you, in whatever way you need me to be. Whether you want to talk about it or not. Always.”
Arizona was too tired to look away, finding comfort in the sincerity behind Callie’s brown eyes. “I don’t know how long I’ll be like this,” she admitted.
“It doesn’t matter,” Callie replied, lacing their fingers together and giving a supportive squeeze. “There aren’t time frames for what you went through.”
Arizona released a heavy sigh, feeling drained all of a sudden. “I thought I was used to being poked and prodded after these last few months. That being touched wouldn’t be such a big deal anymore.”
Callie frowned, waiting patiently for her to continue.
“I haven’t been with anyone since I got hurt.” Arizona risked a glance upward. “The idea of taking my shirt off made me panic. I had no idea that was going to happen.”
While Callie could understand where the insecurities would come from, she still had a hard time believing that someone as beautiful as Arizona could be self-conscious about her looks.
“Arizona, you are stunning,” she said simply, wishing she could make the other woman believe her. “I can’t take my eyes off of you. I haven’t been able to since the moment we met. And your injuries, they’re…” She hesitated before very gently placing a hand where she knew the blonde’s biggest scar resided, over top of her shirt.
Arizona flinched but didn’t pull away.
Callie waited for her to get used to the sensation before continuing. “Scars are just…big freckles with stories. They’re a part of you and I still find the whole package gorgeous.”
“Freckles with stories?” Arizona echoed, adoring Callie’s lopsided grin.
Callie scooted closer on the bed. “Nothing you say or do is ever gonna scare me away, no matter how long it takes you to feel like yourself again. The sooner you get that, the less time I’ll have to spend repeating myself.”
Despite the lingering humiliation she was still feeling, Arizona found herself smiling. “I think I’m starting to catch on.”
Callie mirrored the smile, carefully looping an arm around Arizona’s back. “I think this is why we need to make rules, to keep things from getting out of hand until you’re ready again. Until we’re both ready,” she amended.
Arizona rested her cheek against Callie’s shoulder and expelled a tired sigh. “You’re right. It’s for our own good.” She fell silent as she tried to muster up enough brain power to think straight, her mind having trouble piecing itself back together after falling apart in such dramatic fashion.
Sensing Arizona’s lingering jitters, Callie decided to start them off. “Rule number one - don’t eat Cristina’s food. She’s like a grizzly bear when she’s in a bad mood.”
Arizona snorted. “Noted.”
Callie traced small circles where her hand came to rest on the blonde’s upper arm. “Is there anything personal that bugs you or any lines you feel need to be drawn?”
“I don’t like sharing my toothbrush,” Arizona admitted, glancing up sheepishly. “I know, it’s kind of stupid when you spend hours playing tonsil hockey with someone, but it’s always wigged me out.”
“Okay, see? That’s good to know,” Callie chuckled, dropping a kiss against the top of her head. “We’re getting somewhere. No toothbrush sharing.”
“What about you?” Arizona asked. “Anything that bugs the hell out of you I should know about?”
“Don’t steal my razors,” Callie said immediately. “Those things are expensive and every time I have one left, Cristina takes it. Drives me crazy.”
“That’s okay,” Arizona said casually. “I shave my legs with a knife. They teach you in the Marines.”
Callie paused, scrunching her forehead as she tried to picture what that would look like. “Uh…”
Arizona snickered and nudged her in the side. “I’m kidding,” she teased, grinning at the look on her face. “Seriously, do I look that butch to you? I’d probably cut off my one good leg trying.”
“Suddenly I’m a little wary of letting you wield a scalpel again,” Callie said with a smirk.
Arizona made a face and returned her cheek to its comfy perch on Callie’s shoulder, feeling her body finally relax and the last of the shivering come to a stop. “I think that covers bathroom rules. Any other household specifications you and Cristina set out?”
“‘Clean up your crap’ is supposed to be a rule, but I’m lucky if she takes the garbage out once a month,” Callie said. “I think it’s a resident thing. She’s not home much these days.”
“Giving us the apartment to ourselves?” Arizona asked innocently, trying to re-infuse the conversation with some of its previous lighthearted teasing.
Callie smirked again and squeezed her shoulders. “I think that brings us to our own special set of rules.” She licked her lips nervously. “Are you okay to talk about it right now?”
“I’m not fragile,” Arizona replied, fixing Callie with what she hoped was a stronger smile. “A little crazy sometimes, but definitely not breakable.”
“You’re not crazy, either,” Callie chastised. “You really need to stop saying that.”
Arizona chose not to respond directly, instead forwarding her thoughts to how a new relationship would work when they were already living together. “I’m not sure how we should be doing this. Are there places or times we should act strictly as roommates?”
Callie frowned, thinking about it. “I’m gonna be tempted to kiss you a lot,” she admitted. “Maybe we should put a cap on it? A ‘number allowed per day’ kind of thing? Or maybe some places it’s allowed, some where it’s not?”
Arizona wrinkled her nose. “I think counting numbers is a bit extreme. Callie kisses are the highlight of my day. I don’t think I’ll be able to survive on a finite number.”
Callie laughed. “What do you think, then? We really do need some way of keeping ourselves in check.” Especially after what had just happened, but she kept that part to herself. She didn’t want Arizona feeling guilty or bad when it wasn’t something she could control.
When Arizona didn’t answer right away, Callie turned to face her directly and extracted the arm from around her shoulders. She tucked a stray curl behind Arizona’s ear, studying her closely. “What would make you more comfortable? I really don’t want us to rush things. We can still take it slow.”
As much as a part of her wanted to push for looser restrictions, Arizona had to agree with Callie. Clearly her head and her heart were in different places right now; she wanted them both to be on the same page so she didn’t spook Callie with another incident like this one.
“How about this?” Arizona pulled her good leg underneath her, getting more comfortable. “No kissing in each other’s rooms, especially not on any beds. That way we’re not asking for trouble.”
“Sounds reasonable,” Callie said with a nod. “We could do our best to keep the physical side of things on the couch? That way we’re in a public space and have to behave on some level.”
Arizona quirked an eyebrow. “Cristina just told us not to.”
“She said no sex on the couch,” Callie corrected. “We’re not talking about sex, we’re talking about hanging out on the same piece of furniture and making out like teenagers.”
Arizona laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. “Okay then, that’s rule number three. No kissing unless we’re on the couch.”
“Rule number four - said kissing on the couch needs to happen when we’re both sober,” Callie added. “Something tells me that if neither of us are in the right state of mind, we’ll forget all about this conversation and get ahead of ourselves again.”
“Darn, there goes my master plan to get you drunk and take advantage,” Arizona teased, tugging on the front of Callie’s shirt.
Callie smiled, realizing that she was even more smitten with this woman than she thought. “We can always re-evaluate in a few weeks once you’ve settled in and our schedules are sorted out. You’ll probably be home a lot more than I will; I’m working a lot of hours this next month.”
“I’ve got physical therapy pretty much every day, so at least I won’t be a total couch potato,” Arizona said. “I’m sure I’ll have plenty of time to cook you meals and pack you a bagged lunch.”
Callie’s features lit up. “You know, even when I was married that never happened. I kinda like the sound of that.”
“Good, because it’s the least I can do, given your services so far,” Arizona teased, tugging on the hem of her shirt again.
Callie’s brow skyrocketed.
“Not taking your top off,” Arizona clarified, blushing at the implication. “I meant fixing my leg and giving me a home without cockroaches.”
“I can’t promise there are no roaches. Cristina might have dishes growing legs under the pile of crap in her room.”
“Ew,” Arizona laughed, shivering at the mere thought. She was pretty sure Callie was exaggerating, given that the common areas really hadn’t been that bad. So she hoped, anyway.
“So we have couch kissing and no drunken bedroom adventures,” she said a moment later, running through the small list in her mind. “Anything else you can think of?”
Despite Arizona’s spirits having been successfully lifted, Callie felt nervous about bringing up her last request. She hesitated, wondering if this was the right time, but ended up speaking her mind anyway. If she didn’t say this now, she would chicken out later.
“No running.” Callie met the blonde’s gaze and held it.
Arizona gave her a weird look. “Uh, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I’m not exactly in marathon shape these days. You’re my surgeon, I kinda figured you knew that already.”
“No,” Callie sighed, suddenly jittery with nerves. “I mean…I know what you can be like when you’re hurting. I saw it every day in yours eyes at Seattle Grace when you tried not to let anybody notice it. Today has been amazing, and I feel like things are going to be really great, but…” She trailed off, licking her lips and taking Arizona’s hands in her own.
“When you’re hurting or something triggers a bad memory, please don’t push me away. I know this is still new for both of us, but it won’t work if you keep your distance when things get rough. Even if you don’t always feel like talking to me about it, I can still be there to help you feel safe again. So if you have a bad day, don’t run. The same goes for me.”
Arizona looked a little wary. “Callie, I…”
“I’m not saying you have to tell me details of what you went through,” Callie said lightly. “I can and do respect that there are parts of your life you’re not ready to talk about. But I’ve been in too many relationships with zero communication and it never works out in the end. And this,” she added, holding Arizona’s hand to her chest, “this is too important to me not to work out. Okay?”
Processing that for a moment, Arizona finally nodded. “Okay. If I have a bad day, I promise I’ll tell you.”
Callie sighed with relief, grateful that she hadn’t accidentally stuck her foot in her mouth. She pulled Arizona into her arms and was met with no resistance as the blonde burrowed into the crook of her neck again.
“Are you hungry?” Callie rubbed a soothing hand up and down her back. “I still owe you that pizza I promised earlier.”
Arizona smiled against the brunette’s skin, making no move to pull away. “Milkshakes, pizza, and twenty-one hours a day spent sitting or lying down? I’m gonna be so attractive when I start walking again.”
Callie pulled back and grinned broadly. “Hey, that’s the first time I’ve heard you say ‘when’ and not ‘if’. That’s awesome.”
Arizona shrugged nonchalantly. “What can I say? My girlfriend is a genius and keeps me motivated.”
She noticed Callie’s expression change, then realized her mistake. “Crap, I didn’t mean…sorry,” Arizona blushed. “I guess we haven’t really talked about that yet, huh?”
“Am I your girlfriend?” Callie asked carefully, as though she were nervous about the answer.
Arizona bit her lip and nodded once. “I was hoping you’d be,” she said honestly. “I’m a lot of things, but I am not a big enough person to sit here and listen to you talk about other girls. Or watch you come home with them.” She frowned, realizing this could be a huge issue that they probably should have discussed earlier - as in before she agreed to move in.
Callie, however, could only smile radiantly - Arizona Robbins had just called her her girlfriend. Nothing else mattered. “There are no other women, Arizona,” she cut in before the blonde could over-process things. “I don’t plan on seeing anyone else as long as you’re in my life. I can’t take my eyes off of you long enough to even notice.”
Relief flooded through Arizona and she released a happy sigh. “So,” she began, leaning into Callie and gently brushing her fingers along her collarbone, eyes straying to the tantalizingly full lips mere inches away. “Does this mean you’ll go steady with me?”
Callie snorted, curling a hand around the back of Arizona’s neck and shaking her head in disbelief. “You are such a dork,” she said fondly, pulling her into one final kiss and sealing the deal.
Arizona didn’t need a verbal answer - that was as big of a yes as she could ever have hoped for.
---