Scar Tissue (Part Two) -- Chapter 13
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Scar Tissue (Part Two)
Chapter 13
Authors: kennedysbitch & livelovelearneg
Beta'd by englishstrawbie
Rating: NC-17 [Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content]
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer
Scar Tissue [masterpost]
Summary: When Arizona Robbins’ brother dies in Iraq, her life takes off in a completely different direction. Now a highly-rated trauma surgeon with the United States Marine Corps, she spends the three years following his death serving their country overseas - until an insurgent attack leaves her with debilitating injuries. Traveling to Seattle at her father’s request, she falls under the care of orthopedic surgeon Dr. Calliope Torres. Damaged emotionally and physically, Arizona tries to start the healing process with the help of a headstrong woman she never saw coming.
Part Two: Now free from the confines of a hospital bed for the first time
in almost five months, Arizona begins her physical and emotional recovery while
navigating a budding yet rocky relationship with Callie Torres.
Warnings: Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content
Trailer:
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April 18th, 2009
The day following her release from the hospital was not the pleasant, relaxing kind that Arizona had envisioned it being. She didn’t spend it lazing in bed while reading a book; she didn’t have the chance to go out and run errands like picking up a cellphone, buying groceries, or getting her hair cut.
She spent the first twenty-four hours of her freedom in agony.
The last dose of painkillers she had received before leaving Seattle Grace was strong enough to dull it for a while, but only until Callie dropped her off at the motel. As soon as it wore off and she was left with her substantially weaker prescription, it increased ten-fold.
Arizona was aware that it probably had something to do with the rain. People always complained about joint pain when it rained, and even though she’d never experienced it before, her new knee was definitely throwing a tantrum now. The damaged muscles in her calf were throbbing even harder than the joint itself; her leg felt as though someone was in the process of slicing it open with a scalpel all over again and the cast meant there was nothing she could do about it.
Instead of reading or watching television to relax, she lay there in the dark, drenched in a cold sweat and shaking as she tried to fight through it. She threw up around three o’clock in the morning, mostly likely from taking prescription narcotics on an empty stomach, but she had zero appetite and no food around except for the vending machines by the front office. She stuffed down a few granola bars just so she didn’t waste away and nearly threw those up, too. It was a miserable experience.
The next time she woke up to daylight, it was almost thirty hours after Callie had dropped her off and she had completely forgotten about dinner with Teddy the night before - until a loud knock sounded against the front door.
Arizona debated ignoring whoever it was, but the banging continued and she heard a muffled voice yell her name from the other side. Groaning pitifully, she managed to crawl out from underneath the tangle of sweat-soaked bed sheets, grabbing one of her crutches and stumbling awkwardly towards the door. She pulled it open and recoiled, squinting against the excruciatingly bright sunlight she was unexpectedly met with.
Teddy paused to take in the sight. Arizona looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair in a week - it was haphazardly thrown into a ponytail and sticking out in every direction. She had dark circles the size of baseballs under her eyes, and she looked clammy and shaky. She had been sleeping in a ratty old tank top that was worn and stretched out of shape, and apparently had no qualms about answering the door in her underwear.
“Jesus Christ,” Teddy exclaimed, starting at the blonde in disbelief. “You look like hell.”
“Fuck you,” Arizona mumbled tiredly, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her palm.
“Are you okay?” Teddy asked, worried. They’d lived in the desert together, they’d been through war, and never, even after she was injured, had she seen Arizona look so terrible, so unlike herself.
“I’m really not in the mood to be social, Teddy, I’m sorry. What do you need?” Arizona’s eyelids were drooping, half asleep where she stood, and she was massaging her thigh like she tended to when she was in pain. She brought her other hand up and dug her fingers into her forehead, groaning at the added pressure.
“You missed dinner last night and I got worried when I didn’t hear anything. And since you don’t have a phone number yet, I drove over here with leftovers,” Teddy answered, waving a Zip-Loc bag with hamburgers, buns and various condiments in Arizona’s face. Arizona barely acknowledged the food. “Have you even eaten anything since Callie dropped you off?”
Arizona shook her head and shifted her weight with a sharp intake of breath. “Not really. My prescription made me sick and I didn’t really feel up to eating anything after.” She swayed in place, tightening her grip on the crutch. “I just - I really need to go back to bed. This whole standing thing isn’t going so well.”
“You should have told me, I would’ve been here sooner,” Teddy scolded, pushing inside and closing the door behind her. “Or maybe you should have told Callie. I’m sure she would’ve been happy to take care of you.”
Arizona lifted her eyes to meet her friend’s and after a few seconds passed she actually smiled. It was barely there but Teddy caught it before it disappeared as quickly as it came.
“I would’ve, but I needed to prove to myself that I could be remotely normal on my own, at least for one night. Besides, she’s already been so supportive. I didn’t want to ask more of her than she’s already given,” Arizona said with a shrug, looking down almost shyly. Despite her exhaustion, there was an unmistakable sparkle in her eyes that had been missing for almost five months now.
Teddy couldn’t help but feel a surge of hope - Arizona’s softness was gradually starting to return. Three months ago she would have shot back with a curse or some smartass remark rather than acknowledge what was going on between her and Callie. Arizona had never been the type of person to let others take care of her, but maybe, just maybe, that was starting to change.
Seeing the person she used to know, even if she looked tired beyond her years, Teddy closed the distance between them and pulled Arizona into a sudden, fierce hug.
“Uh-” Arizona stiffened and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. “What’s this for? You aren’t usually a hugger.” Met with silence, she tried to squirm out of the grasp but was squeezed harder. “Jesus, Teddy, are you high? Let go already.”
And she was back.
Teddy grinned. “I’m just really proud of you, that’s all. After everything that’s happened, you’ve come a long way.” She pulled back, holding Arizona at arms length.
Arizona looked at her as though she’d sprouted two heads but Teddy didn’t care, instead choosing to wander further into the dark hotel room, open the blinds and set their lunch on the table. “Callie cares about you, and just because she isn’t your surgeon anymore doesn’t mean she won’t want to make sure you’re all right. Let her be here for you. It’ll make you feel better and it’ll make me feel better knowing one of the best orthopedic surgeons in the country is keeping an eye on you.”
Arizona shot her a tiny grin and rolled her eyes, heading back to the bed and pulling the sheets up. “Speaking of - she asked me to move in with her.”
“What?”
Arizona snorted at Teddy’s priceless expression. “It was actually kind of sweet. She and...Cristina, I think her name is? They have a three bedroom apartment and she offered me the third room. Said a surgeon shouldn’t be living in a dump like this. She even made a joke about being afraid I would think it was U-Hauling or something, and tried to make it perfectly clear that it wasn’t. It was cute.”
“Cute?” Teddy’s brow ticked as she watched Arizona collapse back into bed. Even in the dim lighting she looked like crap. She really needed to start eating more now that she was out of the hospital, otherwise Teddy was worried she would waste away completely.
“I can’t believe you actually admitted that she was ‘cute’. Three weeks ago you told me to go screw myself when I hinted that you were staring at her every time she walked into the room.”
Arizona blushed as she dropped her crutch to the floor and scooted backwards, coming to a rest against the headboard. “About that. I don’t think I was a whole lot of fun while on drugs and cooped up like a caged animal. I’m so sorry I was so cranky with you all the time.”
“I’m a big girl, I can handle it,” Teddy chuckled. “I’m just glad to see you’re doing - actually, you don’t look like you’re doing better at all. Can I do anything?”
Arizona placed a hand on her stomach and grimaced. “I don’t know. I haven’t eaten in over a day. I don’t think I could keep anything down for very long.”
“You won’t know until you try,” Teddy pointed out. “Part of the nausea might be because you didn’t eat before taking your pills.”
Speaking of, Arizona was due for another dose any time now, but she was hesitant to take more. She had tried to avoid them the night before, then ended up caving in when the pain got so bad she wanted to cry.
“I think I’m gonna pass on the pills for now, see if I can hold off for a couple of hours at least.” She massaged her thigh some more and took in a deep, shaky breath. “I already look and feel like I got hit by a bus, I don’t need to turn myself into a drooling, addicted vegetable zombie.”
Teddy shook her head. “At least try to eat something. I made the burgers myself and they’re turkey, so there’s almost no grease and it shouldn’t hurt your stomach. Maybe go light on the ketchup and mustard.”
Arizona nodded, ignoring the churning in her stomach because she knew she’d slip into a coma if she didn’t eat something soon. “Thanks.”
As Teddy prepared the food, she watched the exhausted Marine out of the corner of her eye. She saw Arizona poke at the cast, then tenderly inspect her swollen knee. Teddy’s eyes were drawn to the green scrawl written across the plaster and she immediately grinned. “Nice job, Robbins. She wrote her number where you wouldn’t lose it.”
Arizona looked up, smiling sheepishly. “She did. It was sexy.” Oh boy, was it ever. She could remember Callie’s hand on the back of her thigh when she thought back to that moment, how her fingers had squeezed with just the right amount of pressure to leave her wanting more. And when she thought back to that kiss...
“So.” Teddy sat on the edge of the mattress and handed over a paper plate. “Are you going to U-Haul with the sexy woman that clearly wants to get in your pants?”
Arizona blushed furiously and busied herself with staring at her food. “I don’t know. I mean, that’s a lot of pressure, isn’t it? To be living together and dating at the same time? It’s not normal.”
“Since when have you ever done ‘normal’?”
Arizona snorted and raised the turkey burger to her lips. It smelled mouth-wateringly good, even cold. “Touché.” She took a bite and instantly fell in love with Teddy for coming over and feeding her. Best friend she ever had.
After chewing and swallowing, she continued. “I don’t know. Maybe? I’m good here for a little while, and like I said, I don’t want to put too much pressure on either of us.”
“I take it that means you’re planning on seeing her again?”
For the life of her, Arizona could not hide the goofy grin that spread across her face. “Considering the way we left things, you’d better believe I plan on seeing her again.” She looked at Teddy and raised a suggestive eyebrow.
Teddy tipped her head back and laughed. “You weren’t even discharged for more than five minutes before you put the moves on her. That’s awesome.”
Arizona couldn’t help it, she giggled and took another bite of the burger. “What else was I supposed to do? She was being all chivalrous and walked me to my door. I had to do something to repay her kindness.” She shivered just thinking about the intensity of that kiss and how much she wanted to do it again.
“I guess I should pick you up a phone, then,” Teddy mused. “You don’t want to keep her waiting too long. I can stop by the mall later today and set something up for you. I’m sure the ‘wounded soldier’ story will get you a decent discount.”
Arizona smiled crookedly. “Thanks, Teddy. Just don’t get me anything pink.”
Teddy raised an eyebrow. “Arizona, you used to have a pink cellphone. With a unicorn sticker on the back.”
Arizona rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but now I have an image to keep up. I’m a tough Marine with a heart of stone, remember? I can’t let Calliope see me with a pink cellphone. That girl is hardcore, she’ll crush my bones if I come out looking all girly and meek.”
Teddy laughed and held up a hand in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’ll make sure you get a macho cellphone and I won’t bedazzle it or anything.”
They finished their lunch around friendly chatter and small talk, which was a nice change from deafening silence. Arizona relaxed and did her best to ignore the swell of pain that was starting to rise from her leg again. She managed to convince Teddy that she was okay and just needed a little more sleep, seeing her to the door a short time later.
“I’ll stop by tonight with your phone and some groceries. If you need anything else, call me from the room line.”
Arizona nodded. “Will do. Thanks again for being awesome.”
Teddy hesitated, pausing in the doorway. “You should call your father, I know he wants to hear from you. I haven’t spoken to him,” she quickly added before Arizona could get defensive, “but he’d want to know that you’re out now.”
Arizona bit her lip and shrugged. “I’ll think about it. Long distance charges and all.”
“So call collect.”
Arizona rolled her eyes and sighed. “We’ll see. Now go before I pass out on you and I’ll see you tonight. Make sure you bring chocolate or I’m not letting you in again.”
Teddy mock-saluted and left. The blonde closed the door behind her and sagged back against it. She felt a little bit better now with some food in her belly but she wanted to be unconscious again before the pain increased.
She hobbled over to the nightstand with one crutch and sat down on the edge of the bed, opening up the drawer and pulling out her prescription bottle. She fiddled with it between her fingers, thinking. There was a moment where she debated taking one, but after a long hesitation she put them back and turned away.
With a heavy groan, she pulled her busted leg onto the bed, crawled under the covers and settled in against the lumpy, uncomfortable pillow. She didn’t fall deeper than a half sleep as the steady, rising ache from her torn muscles began to throb in tune with the beating of her heart.
***
Arizona’s obscure sleeping pattern over the last few days had completely thrown off her body clock. She slept until almost five in the afternoon, then found herself wide awake from that point onward. Teddy called the room phone to inform her that she wouldn’t be able to get her a cell until the next day, so for now she was stuck without communication that wouldn’t cost her $4.99 per minute.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Callie - their unbelievable kiss or the way it had felt when she’d held her in the rain. Butterflies the size of bald eagles fluttered erratically in her stomach and she found herself grinning like a fool every time the brunette popped into her head.
It seemed so silly to have ever doubted how she felt about Callie. They had both been stuck with the mentality that ‘it’ - whatever ‘it’ was - was over the moment she got discharged from the hospital. Apparently they had both been too stupid to realize that they could finally try something more than a strict doctor-patient friendship. Arizona couldn’t help but think that she’d have been a lot less stressed out if she had clued into that fact sooner rather than later.
She kept looking down at her leg and the eloquent scrawl written over the plaster cast, unable to stay focused on the lame 1940s movie she was trying to watch on TV. It made her think that she should be watching it with Callie, even though it was well past their old lunch date time.
She bit her lip and glanced at the bedside table, frowning when the clock only read 7:55 PM. Callie would still be working and she really didn’t want to have a short, non-existent conversation over a crappy motel phone that was probably covered with SARS or tuberculosis. Her eyes settled on the pad of paper and pen sitting next to it, the standard stationary every room came with. It was old and yellowing, but it would do.
Arizona flicked off the TV and reached over to pick up both, testing the pen to make sure there was some ink left before settling back against the headboard to write.
She wasn’t always good at verbal communication when she was emotional. If she was angry, she couldn’t think straight and never managed to get out what she wanted to say, and that frustration usually made her cry. If she was sad, she couldn’t bring herself to speak without having to waste all of her energy trying not to break down. And when she was happy - especially how she felt whenever she was with Callie - she was speechless entirely.
Serving overseas had introduced her to the art of letter writing. Telephone communications with loved ones back home were few and far between, if existent at all. She wasn’t particularly amazing at it, but it allowed her to get her thoughts down on paper without interruptions. It started with her brother, when he was deployed for six to eight months at a time back in his early twenties. She wrote to him every day about her life, about her thoughts, about their parents. Even when there wasn’t anything to tell him, she wrote anyway. It would take months for him to even receive the letters and most of the time she received a bundle from him somewhere in between. There were times when they had internet access and the capabilities to send email, but she always found it a little too impersonal. There was just something about putting a pen to paper and writing out the thoughts running through her mind that made it special. In her opinion, not enough people did it these days.
Tim was a funny guy. He always made her laugh whenever she read about the stunts or pranks he’d pulled on his unit, and she could just picture the goofy grin he wore that let him get away with murder. Growing up, Arizona had never been able to lie very well and it almost always got the two of them into trouble. All Tim had to do was flash that smile of his and he would be more likely to get rewarded than punished - her twin brother just had that type of personality. He was a charmer with the ladies. As they got older, it turned out they both were.
Even after he died she wrote to him. Things that were important to her, things that were on her mind, good or bad. Since her relationship with her parents had been scarce these last few years, Arizona still needed to tell someone about her life, so she wrote letters to her deceased twin brother and imagined that he was still alive to read them.
She kept them in a lockbox at home and they were now sitting in storage along with the rest of her things. She never re-read them once they were finished and sealed shut. Now, here she was again with a pad of paper on her lap, chewing thoughtfully on the edge on the pen as she mulled over what she wanted to say.
For the first time that she could remember, the letter wasn’t addressed to Timothy - it was addressed to Calliope. She loved the brunette’s full name and how easily it rolled off her tongue whenever she said it out loud.
Calliope,
Arizona leaned back against the creaky headboard and thought. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say or if there was anything specific she felt the need to write down. She just knew that she missed Callie, that she was thinking about her constantly, and that the thought alone of seeing her smile again made her heart sing and her leg hurt a little less. Callie made her happier than she could ever remember being.
Well, that was a start.
Calliope,
It’s been two days since I last saw you, since I last kissed you. I’m sitting here in a dark and empty room without any real means of communication, so I’ve decided to write you this letter. Cheesy, right? I promise this isn’t a ploy to make you swoon or to get into your pants - although either response is completely acceptable and generally encouraged.
I’ve never been very good at expressing my thoughts or feelings verbally, something that I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. Instead I write them down, all at once, where I can say everything I need to say and not worry about anything getting in my way. Like my own verbal clumsiness, or the fact that I tend to get distracted by the way you smile at me. Even the ‘look’ you sometimes give me that tells me you think I’m being a moron is enough to stop me in my tracks.
It hasn’t exactly been a picnic since you left. Getting away from the hospital has been wonderful, though - sleeping in a bed that I can actually roll over in without hitting my elbows on a guardrail or tangling myself around an IV cord has been nice. So maybe it is a little bit of a picnic, just...a picnic with ants or something.
Mostly, I’ve been missing you. I miss watching stupid movies or ridiculous game shows together and mocking the people who fail at them. I miss waiting for you to walk in that door and hand me a big, juicy burger and a heartattack-inducing milkshake that’s just about the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted.
I miss when you’re frustrated and unsure of a tough case that’s been thrown your way, and we spend an hour of your free time hashing it out and coming up with a plan. Although, face it, you’ll never have a more difficult patient than me and we both know it. I like to think that dealing with me has prepared you for anything, especially now that you’re an attending. You’re going to need those skills. There are plenty of chronic pain patients out there who like to give their doctors lip and now you know exactly how to handle them. (To be clear, I mean stealing their crutches and giving them your sternest glare, not crawling into bed and making time for movie dates.)
I haven’t been able to sleep much. The pain has been keeping me awake, but not to worry. I got myself into this mess and I promised you I’d stick it out. The few times I have been able to catch some shut-eye, I dream about you. About the way your lips tasted, how your body felt pressed into mine. I dream about doing it again and that, somehow, it’s even better than it was the first time (which will be pretty hard to top).
No one else has ever made me feel the way you do and that scares me. Admitting that scares me. But it’s the kind of scared I’m willing to force myself not to turn away from. I’ve done too much of that in my life. You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to fight for and I think for a while that threw me for a loop.
I know we don’t know each other that well yet. We’ve spent all of this time together and never really talked about our lives before I found you. That’s one thing I’m looking forward to the most - I want to know everything about you. How you grew up, your family, the things you loved to do and things that got you into trouble. Because I know you were a troublemaker, Callie, I just know it. I want to hear about the broken bones from playing too hard and see the trophies from your successes. I want to hear about your first love and your last (although in my mind they’re ugly and have no hair and I’m way prettier, so try not to ruin that for me, please).
I want to know everything that makes you you, because somehow it all came together and helped shape the person that has fascinated me the more I get to know her. Whatever the circumstances were that landed me in your OR, deep down I’m thankful they did. These last few months would have been unbearable without you sticking by my side, even when I was at my worst. You will never know how thankful I am, and I hope that someday I can be there for you in return.
I’ll be getting an actual phone soon and I believe this is a little too long to fit into a text message. I hope you don’t laugh at me too hard and that my cheesy-romantic side is more endearing than vomit-worthy.
I’ll see you soon, beautiful.
~Arizona
PS: If the offer still stands, I would love to take up the third bedroom in your apartment. I think I just saw a cockroach scuttle across the bathroom floor.
After signing the letter and killing the roach with one of her dirty old combat boots, Arizona folded the paper up and put it inside her jacket pocket. If she didn’t get a phone tomorrow she planned on stopping by to see Callie either before or after her physical therapy appointment. She would leave it with her and promptly run away before she lost her nerve.
Smiling to herself, Arizona sat back and drummed her fingers indecisively against the covers. She’d taken six ibuprofen in place of her prescription pills but they barely did anything to take the edge off. She was achy but not tired enough to try and sleep again. This room was starting to feel like a cage itself - at least at the hospital she’d had company.
Arizona turned to the land line, contemplating her next move. A knot formed in the pit of her stomach and she reached out with a shaky hand to lift it off of the receiver. The tone drawled heavily against her ear and her fingers shook as they dialed collect to San Diego. It took four rings before she was connected.
“Hello?” The voice was rough, even a little gravely, but it was strong and left no room for funny business.
Arizona cleared her throat and released a soft breath. “Hi, dad.”
There was a small pause on the other end. “Zona,” Colonel Robbins said. “Hello, dear. I’m surprised to hear from you.”
Arizona forced out a smile, hoping it would transfer through to her voice. “Yeah. I’m stuck in a dingy hotel room and just killed a cockroach bigger than Uncle Rory’s mole, so...I thought I’d call and say ‘hey’.”
“Well, even if it did take an insect invasion to make you finally call home, I’m glad you did.”
She couldn’t tell if his sarcasm was playful or condescending, but she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. She knew the more she tried to give him upfront, the longer this conversation would last. And if she was being honest, she needed the company, the familiarity. She needed just an ounce of support from her family, even if this was the first time she had reached out for it since Tim died.
“To what do I owe this pleasure? It’s not like you to call out of the blue.”
She let it roll off her shoulders. “I just got out of the hospital, actually. I had two pretty major surgeries these last couple of months, a total knee replacement and whatnot. I was...I couldn’t sleep and I hadn’t called to tell you anything about my recovery, so I thought I’d let you know and stuff.” She rolled her eyes at herself, wondering when things became so awkward between them.
“I’m well aware of your progress, Arizona. Chief Webber has kept us informed every step of the way. I’m glad to hear you’re back on your feet, so to speak. From the sounds of things, after some intensive rehab you should be good as new.” He chuckled softly. “I knew sending you to that surgeon was a good idea.”
“Yeah,” Arizona replied lightly, smirking to herself. She’d give him that one. “She’s been great, actually. She was amazing.”
“When are you coming home? Your mother and I want to make sure we have everything set up before then.”
That made her freeze. “What?”
Colonel Robbins sighed heavily into the phone, as if he were talking to a small child. “When are you coming home?” he repeated. “Your surgeries are finished, you don’t have anywhere to stay out there and we have exceptional physical rehabilitation specialists in San Diego at the base. You would be better off here, with your mother and I.”
Arizona tried to find it nice that her father actually wanted her around, but it was a little hard to considering he didn’t ask so much as inform her that she was expected to go home. “Um, I’m not. I’m staying here for now.”
The Colonel’s voice rose. “Under no circumstances are you staying in an unfamiliar city by yourself in your condition.”
Arizona tightened her grip on the phone and gritted her teeth. “Dad-”
“No. You need support right now; you’re nowhere near in good enough shape to be on your own. You said yourself you’re sitting in a hotel room full of cockroaches. What on God’s green earth makes you think I’m going to let you live like that for the next six months?”
Arizona pulled in a breath through her teeth. “I’m a big girl, dad, I can take care of myself. Besides, Teddy’s here and-” She hesitated. She hadn’t exactly been planning on saying anything to him yet.
“I met someone.” She had to smirk when he went silent for a full five seconds. It was nice to catch him off guard for once. “The point is, I’m staying put. I want to finish physio here and I’m probably going to be moving into an apartment right across from the hospital, so it’ll be easy to get back and forth every day.”
When all she was met with was more stony silence, she pushed on. “This is a good thing, dad. I’m trying to get my life back.”
Daniel Robbins released another breath and she could just picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. He always did that when he was frustrated with her or her brother growing up. “Arizona, you need to come home.”
“Did you not hear a word I just said?” Arizona growled, feeling herself becoming more and more frustrated by the second.
“I did,” he replied carefully, “but you can’t honestly think I’m going to let you stay in Seattle on your own just because you met some woman, do you? That’s ridiculous. You can’t expect someone you barely know to take care of you while you recuperate. That’s hardly fair to either of you, Zona. You will not stay there simply because of some...some ‘fling’. I know it’s been a while since you’ve been back in the U.S., but-”
“No,” Arizona interrupted, tightening her grip on the receiver. “Look, it’s not that simple, okay? She’s been there for me since the beginning a-and I’m not expecting her to ‘take care of me’, I just - I care about her. More than I’ve cared about anyone in a long time, and I’m so sick of convincing myself that I don’t need to be happy. I’ve done my job and I’ve done it well for three years, dad. I’m not coming home to sleep in my four poster twin bed for six months and be miserable.”
“Arizona Michelle Robbins,” Daniel warned, the sudden boom to his voice making her subconsciously shiver. She hated that her father had such an effect on her sometimes. “You listen to me. Don’t throw your life away because some pretty girl batted her eyelashes at you. She has no idea what you’ve been through these last five months, these last three years. It is completely unfair of you to expect her to take care of your needs when you’ve got a support system back home that knows how to handle you and your situation.”
“‘Handle’ me?” Arizona sat up and barely refrained from chucking the phone across the room. “You know what? You don’t know me, you don’t know my life, and you hardly know what I’ve been through these last five months. The best you could do was call Teddy and force her to do the job my father should have been doing while I was hurt and angry and completely terrified. So you know what? Screw you.”
There was a change in the Colonel’s tone, a considerable softening. “Arizona-”
She didn’t want to hear it. She abruptly slammed the phone down on the receiver, cutting him off. Her hand rested on top for a moment and she clenched her jaw as she fought like hell to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.
Her father was the only person who could make her cry like this and right now she hated him for it. It didn’t matter if he thought he was doing what was best for her, she took the damn hint.
Why was it that every time she tried to let herself be happy for three goddamn seconds, he had to go and derail everything?
Sighing heavily and suddenly feeling exhausted all over again, Arizona set the phone down on the side table. She crawled into bed and leaned against the headboard, tilting her neck back to rest on the surface.
As angry as she was, maybe he was right. She cared about Callie, a lot, but was it really fair to ask her to get involved in this mess?
It’s not like she was sticking around so the brunette could ‘take care of her’. She was sticking around because there was something between them that was too powerful for Arizona to walk away from. Or so she thought.
Groaning, she pulled her left knee up and rested her forehead against it, burying her face in her hands. Who was she kidding? Even her own father had pretty much called her a situation to be dealt with. Arizona hated him for planting that seed of self-doubt all over again, but maybe he was right. It was completely unfair of her to burden Callie with all of her problems right now; God knows she had plenty of them. The physical injuries were just the surface of her underlying issues, it didn’t take a psychologist to help her figure that out. The night terrors alone would be enough to chase any sane woman away.
Arizona could no longer hold them back, and because she was alone, she finally let the tears spill over; a soft, sad sob wracking her body as she broke down for the first time since her second surgery.
She hated her father. Hated him.
***
The first week that Arizona didn’t call, Callie chalked it up to the difficulties of settling down in a new city and the fact that she might not even have a phone yet. It wasn’t exactly easy to get around in Seattle without a car and using crutches, especially in the rain, and cab fair was awfully expensive. Maybe she was even trying to be a little bit of a tease by keeping Callie waiting.
At the beginning of the second week, she convinced herself that Arizona had gotten lost in an unfamiliar city, or she that was in pain and didn’t have anyone to help her out, or that she was hurt or injured in a freak accident. Since she knew basically nobody in this city, she may never be seen or heard from again.
Callie rationalized that Teddy would be acting more concerned if this were the case and that kept her from freaking out completely. It didn’t stop her from checking her cellphone every chance she got and staring at the empty message inbox. She debated stopping by the motel, except that work kept her busy and she didn’t want to come across as a crazy stalker by showing up after midnight.
“Why hasn’t she called?” Callie demanded of Cristina one afternoon in their apartment, checking her phone for the fifteenth time that hour.
“Why do you even care?” Cristina asked, glancing over from where she was playing Xbox in the living room.
“Because! She’s amazing a-and we have this connection that I thought - I mean, we kissed and it was fantastic and I wrote my number on her cast. You should’ve seen the look on her face after I did it,” Callie added with a goofy grin.
Cristina gagged and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no. I’m good, thanks.”
“Seriously, Cristina,” Callie shot back, leaning against the kitchen counter and propping her chin in her palm. “She’s got this amazing smile and this adorable little cheek-dimply thing goin’ on. She’s gorgeous.” Pouting once more, she stole yet another glance at her phone. “Why hasn’t she called? It’s been seven days!”
“Probably because you just used the word ‘cheek-dimply’,” Cristina muttered, blowing something up on-screen. “She’s too hardcore for you.”
“Oh, shove it,” Callie grumbled, turning away and re-immersing herself in the dinner she was cooking.
By the end of that second week, she had finally just accepted it for what it was - Arizona didn’t call because she didn’t want to. That absolutely crushed Callie.
How could they share that moment together and then she not call? That wasn’t some peck-on-the-doorstep, I’ll-call-you-but-not-really awkward first date kind of thing. Callie couldn’t understand the sudden change of heart.
Once again she felt that sinking depression settle in and the familiar listlessness return full force. She knew Arizona had to be around for her physical therapy sessions in a wing across the hospital but she never went in search of her. It was obvious that she didn’t want to be found. While Callie had once been looking forward to seeing her and taking off her cast at the end of the two week period, she was now so bummed out about it that she sent Alex Karev to do it instead. She couldn't bear to look into those blue eyes that had been on her mind for fourteen days and know that the blonde hadn’t been thinking about her the same way.
In a matter of only two short weeks, Callie had gone from believing her whole world was about to change for the better to laughing at herself for daring to think it was possible. Arizona was apparently no different from the other selfish jerks out there; Callie was just too much of a fool to realize it in time.
---
Scar Tissue (Part Two)
Chapter 13
Authors: kennedysbitch & livelovelearneg
Beta'd by englishstrawbie
Rating: NC-17 [Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content]
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Disclaimer
Scar Tissue [masterpost]
Summary: When Arizona Robbins’ brother dies in Iraq, her life takes off in a completely different direction. Now a highly-rated trauma surgeon with the United States Marine Corps, she spends the three years following his death serving their country overseas - until an insurgent attack leaves her with debilitating injuries. Traveling to Seattle at her father’s request, she falls under the care of orthopedic surgeon Dr. Calliope Torres. Damaged emotionally and physically, Arizona tries to start the healing process with the help of a headstrong woman she never saw coming.
Part Two: Now free from the confines of a hospital bed for the first time
in almost five months, Arizona begins her physical and emotional recovery while
navigating a budding yet rocky relationship with Callie Torres.
Warnings: Depictions of violence, PTSD, Language, Sexual Content
Trailer:
Click to view---
April 18th, 2009
The day following her release from the hospital was not the pleasant, relaxing kind that Arizona had envisioned it being. She didn’t spend it lazing in bed while reading a book; she didn’t have the chance to go out and run errands like picking up a cellphone, buying groceries, or getting her hair cut.
She spent the first twenty-four hours of her freedom in agony.
The last dose of painkillers she had received before leaving Seattle Grace was strong enough to dull it for a while, but only until Callie dropped her off at the motel. As soon as it wore off and she was left with her substantially weaker prescription, it increased ten-fold.
Arizona was aware that it probably had something to do with the rain. People always complained about joint pain when it rained, and even though she’d never experienced it before, her new knee was definitely throwing a tantrum now. The damaged muscles in her calf were throbbing even harder than the joint itself; her leg felt as though someone was in the process of slicing it open with a scalpel all over again and the cast meant there was nothing she could do about it.
Instead of reading or watching television to relax, she lay there in the dark, drenched in a cold sweat and shaking as she tried to fight through it. She threw up around three o’clock in the morning, mostly likely from taking prescription narcotics on an empty stomach, but she had zero appetite and no food around except for the vending machines by the front office. She stuffed down a few granola bars just so she didn’t waste away and nearly threw those up, too. It was a miserable experience.
The next time she woke up to daylight, it was almost thirty hours after Callie had dropped her off and she had completely forgotten about dinner with Teddy the night before - until a loud knock sounded against the front door.
Arizona debated ignoring whoever it was, but the banging continued and she heard a muffled voice yell her name from the other side. Groaning pitifully, she managed to crawl out from underneath the tangle of sweat-soaked bed sheets, grabbing one of her crutches and stumbling awkwardly towards the door. She pulled it open and recoiled, squinting against the excruciatingly bright sunlight she was unexpectedly met with.
Teddy paused to take in the sight. Arizona looked like she hadn’t brushed her hair in a week - it was haphazardly thrown into a ponytail and sticking out in every direction. She had dark circles the size of baseballs under her eyes, and she looked clammy and shaky. She had been sleeping in a ratty old tank top that was worn and stretched out of shape, and apparently had no qualms about answering the door in her underwear.
“Jesus Christ,” Teddy exclaimed, starting at the blonde in disbelief. “You look like hell.”
“Fuck you,” Arizona mumbled tiredly, rubbing her eyes with the heel of her palm.
“Are you okay?” Teddy asked, worried. They’d lived in the desert together, they’d been through war, and never, even after she was injured, had she seen Arizona look so terrible, so unlike herself.
“I’m really not in the mood to be social, Teddy, I’m sorry. What do you need?” Arizona’s eyelids were drooping, half asleep where she stood, and she was massaging her thigh like she tended to when she was in pain. She brought her other hand up and dug her fingers into her forehead, groaning at the added pressure.
“You missed dinner last night and I got worried when I didn’t hear anything. And since you don’t have a phone number yet, I drove over here with leftovers,” Teddy answered, waving a Zip-Loc bag with hamburgers, buns and various condiments in Arizona’s face. Arizona barely acknowledged the food. “Have you even eaten anything since Callie dropped you off?”
Arizona shook her head and shifted her weight with a sharp intake of breath. “Not really. My prescription made me sick and I didn’t really feel up to eating anything after.” She swayed in place, tightening her grip on the crutch. “I just - I really need to go back to bed. This whole standing thing isn’t going so well.”
“You should have told me, I would’ve been here sooner,” Teddy scolded, pushing inside and closing the door behind her. “Or maybe you should have told Callie. I’m sure she would’ve been happy to take care of you.”
Arizona lifted her eyes to meet her friend’s and after a few seconds passed she actually smiled. It was barely there but Teddy caught it before it disappeared as quickly as it came.
“I would’ve, but I needed to prove to myself that I could be remotely normal on my own, at least for one night. Besides, she’s already been so supportive. I didn’t want to ask more of her than she’s already given,” Arizona said with a shrug, looking down almost shyly. Despite her exhaustion, there was an unmistakable sparkle in her eyes that had been missing for almost five months now.
Teddy couldn’t help but feel a surge of hope - Arizona’s softness was gradually starting to return. Three months ago she would have shot back with a curse or some smartass remark rather than acknowledge what was going on between her and Callie. Arizona had never been the type of person to let others take care of her, but maybe, just maybe, that was starting to change.
Seeing the person she used to know, even if she looked tired beyond her years, Teddy closed the distance between them and pulled Arizona into a sudden, fierce hug.
“Uh-” Arizona stiffened and awkwardly patted her on the shoulder. “What’s this for? You aren’t usually a hugger.” Met with silence, she tried to squirm out of the grasp but was squeezed harder. “Jesus, Teddy, are you high? Let go already.”
And she was back.
Teddy grinned. “I’m just really proud of you, that’s all. After everything that’s happened, you’ve come a long way.” She pulled back, holding Arizona at arms length.
Arizona looked at her as though she’d sprouted two heads but Teddy didn’t care, instead choosing to wander further into the dark hotel room, open the blinds and set their lunch on the table. “Callie cares about you, and just because she isn’t your surgeon anymore doesn’t mean she won’t want to make sure you’re all right. Let her be here for you. It’ll make you feel better and it’ll make me feel better knowing one of the best orthopedic surgeons in the country is keeping an eye on you.”
Arizona shot her a tiny grin and rolled her eyes, heading back to the bed and pulling the sheets up. “Speaking of - she asked me to move in with her.”
“What?”
Arizona snorted at Teddy’s priceless expression. “It was actually kind of sweet. She and...Cristina, I think her name is? They have a three bedroom apartment and she offered me the third room. Said a surgeon shouldn’t be living in a dump like this. She even made a joke about being afraid I would think it was U-Hauling or something, and tried to make it perfectly clear that it wasn’t. It was cute.”
“Cute?” Teddy’s brow ticked as she watched Arizona collapse back into bed. Even in the dim lighting she looked like crap. She really needed to start eating more now that she was out of the hospital, otherwise Teddy was worried she would waste away completely.
“I can’t believe you actually admitted that she was ‘cute’. Three weeks ago you told me to go screw myself when I hinted that you were staring at her every time she walked into the room.”
Arizona blushed as she dropped her crutch to the floor and scooted backwards, coming to a rest against the headboard. “About that. I don’t think I was a whole lot of fun while on drugs and cooped up like a caged animal. I’m so sorry I was so cranky with you all the time.”
“I’m a big girl, I can handle it,” Teddy chuckled. “I’m just glad to see you’re doing - actually, you don’t look like you’re doing better at all. Can I do anything?”
Arizona placed a hand on her stomach and grimaced. “I don’t know. I haven’t eaten in over a day. I don’t think I could keep anything down for very long.”
“You won’t know until you try,” Teddy pointed out. “Part of the nausea might be because you didn’t eat before taking your pills.”
Speaking of, Arizona was due for another dose any time now, but she was hesitant to take more. She had tried to avoid them the night before, then ended up caving in when the pain got so bad she wanted to cry.
“I think I’m gonna pass on the pills for now, see if I can hold off for a couple of hours at least.” She massaged her thigh some more and took in a deep, shaky breath. “I already look and feel like I got hit by a bus, I don’t need to turn myself into a drooling, addicted vegetable zombie.”
Teddy shook her head. “At least try to eat something. I made the burgers myself and they’re turkey, so there’s almost no grease and it shouldn’t hurt your stomach. Maybe go light on the ketchup and mustard.”
Arizona nodded, ignoring the churning in her stomach because she knew she’d slip into a coma if she didn’t eat something soon. “Thanks.”
As Teddy prepared the food, she watched the exhausted Marine out of the corner of her eye. She saw Arizona poke at the cast, then tenderly inspect her swollen knee. Teddy’s eyes were drawn to the green scrawl written across the plaster and she immediately grinned. “Nice job, Robbins. She wrote her number where you wouldn’t lose it.”
Arizona looked up, smiling sheepishly. “She did. It was sexy.” Oh boy, was it ever. She could remember Callie’s hand on the back of her thigh when she thought back to that moment, how her fingers had squeezed with just the right amount of pressure to leave her wanting more. And when she thought back to that kiss...
“So.” Teddy sat on the edge of the mattress and handed over a paper plate. “Are you going to U-Haul with the sexy woman that clearly wants to get in your pants?”
Arizona blushed furiously and busied herself with staring at her food. “I don’t know. I mean, that’s a lot of pressure, isn’t it? To be living together and dating at the same time? It’s not normal.”
“Since when have you ever done ‘normal’?”
Arizona snorted and raised the turkey burger to her lips. It smelled mouth-wateringly good, even cold. “Touché.” She took a bite and instantly fell in love with Teddy for coming over and feeding her. Best friend she ever had.
After chewing and swallowing, she continued. “I don’t know. Maybe? I’m good here for a little while, and like I said, I don’t want to put too much pressure on either of us.”
“I take it that means you’re planning on seeing her again?”
For the life of her, Arizona could not hide the goofy grin that spread across her face. “Considering the way we left things, you’d better believe I plan on seeing her again.” She looked at Teddy and raised a suggestive eyebrow.
Teddy tipped her head back and laughed. “You weren’t even discharged for more than five minutes before you put the moves on her. That’s awesome.”
Arizona couldn’t help it, she giggled and took another bite of the burger. “What else was I supposed to do? She was being all chivalrous and walked me to my door. I had to do something to repay her kindness.” She shivered just thinking about the intensity of that kiss and how much she wanted to do it again.
“I guess I should pick you up a phone, then,” Teddy mused. “You don’t want to keep her waiting too long. I can stop by the mall later today and set something up for you. I’m sure the ‘wounded soldier’ story will get you a decent discount.”
Arizona smiled crookedly. “Thanks, Teddy. Just don’t get me anything pink.”
Teddy raised an eyebrow. “Arizona, you used to have a pink cellphone. With a unicorn sticker on the back.”
Arizona rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but now I have an image to keep up. I’m a tough Marine with a heart of stone, remember? I can’t let Calliope see me with a pink cellphone. That girl is hardcore, she’ll crush my bones if I come out looking all girly and meek.”
Teddy laughed and held up a hand in surrender. “Okay, okay. I’ll make sure you get a macho cellphone and I won’t bedazzle it or anything.”
They finished their lunch around friendly chatter and small talk, which was a nice change from deafening silence. Arizona relaxed and did her best to ignore the swell of pain that was starting to rise from her leg again. She managed to convince Teddy that she was okay and just needed a little more sleep, seeing her to the door a short time later.
“I’ll stop by tonight with your phone and some groceries. If you need anything else, call me from the room line.”
Arizona nodded. “Will do. Thanks again for being awesome.”
Teddy hesitated, pausing in the doorway. “You should call your father, I know he wants to hear from you. I haven’t spoken to him,” she quickly added before Arizona could get defensive, “but he’d want to know that you’re out now.”
Arizona bit her lip and shrugged. “I’ll think about it. Long distance charges and all.”
“So call collect.”
Arizona rolled her eyes and sighed. “We’ll see. Now go before I pass out on you and I’ll see you tonight. Make sure you bring chocolate or I’m not letting you in again.”
Teddy mock-saluted and left. The blonde closed the door behind her and sagged back against it. She felt a little bit better now with some food in her belly but she wanted to be unconscious again before the pain increased.
She hobbled over to the nightstand with one crutch and sat down on the edge of the bed, opening up the drawer and pulling out her prescription bottle. She fiddled with it between her fingers, thinking. There was a moment where she debated taking one, but after a long hesitation she put them back and turned away.
With a heavy groan, she pulled her busted leg onto the bed, crawled under the covers and settled in against the lumpy, uncomfortable pillow. She didn’t fall deeper than a half sleep as the steady, rising ache from her torn muscles began to throb in tune with the beating of her heart.
***
Arizona’s obscure sleeping pattern over the last few days had completely thrown off her body clock. She slept until almost five in the afternoon, then found herself wide awake from that point onward. Teddy called the room phone to inform her that she wouldn’t be able to get her a cell until the next day, so for now she was stuck without communication that wouldn’t cost her $4.99 per minute.
She couldn’t stop thinking about Callie - their unbelievable kiss or the way it had felt when she’d held her in the rain. Butterflies the size of bald eagles fluttered erratically in her stomach and she found herself grinning like a fool every time the brunette popped into her head.
It seemed so silly to have ever doubted how she felt about Callie. They had both been stuck with the mentality that ‘it’ - whatever ‘it’ was - was over the moment she got discharged from the hospital. Apparently they had both been too stupid to realize that they could finally try something more than a strict doctor-patient friendship. Arizona couldn’t help but think that she’d have been a lot less stressed out if she had clued into that fact sooner rather than later.
She kept looking down at her leg and the eloquent scrawl written over the plaster cast, unable to stay focused on the lame 1940s movie she was trying to watch on TV. It made her think that she should be watching it with Callie, even though it was well past their old lunch date time.
She bit her lip and glanced at the bedside table, frowning when the clock only read 7:55 PM. Callie would still be working and she really didn’t want to have a short, non-existent conversation over a crappy motel phone that was probably covered with SARS or tuberculosis. Her eyes settled on the pad of paper and pen sitting next to it, the standard stationary every room came with. It was old and yellowing, but it would do.
Arizona flicked off the TV and reached over to pick up both, testing the pen to make sure there was some ink left before settling back against the headboard to write.
She wasn’t always good at verbal communication when she was emotional. If she was angry, she couldn’t think straight and never managed to get out what she wanted to say, and that frustration usually made her cry. If she was sad, she couldn’t bring herself to speak without having to waste all of her energy trying not to break down. And when she was happy - especially how she felt whenever she was with Callie - she was speechless entirely.
Serving overseas had introduced her to the art of letter writing. Telephone communications with loved ones back home were few and far between, if existent at all. She wasn’t particularly amazing at it, but it allowed her to get her thoughts down on paper without interruptions. It started with her brother, when he was deployed for six to eight months at a time back in his early twenties. She wrote to him every day about her life, about her thoughts, about their parents. Even when there wasn’t anything to tell him, she wrote anyway. It would take months for him to even receive the letters and most of the time she received a bundle from him somewhere in between. There were times when they had internet access and the capabilities to send email, but she always found it a little too impersonal. There was just something about putting a pen to paper and writing out the thoughts running through her mind that made it special. In her opinion, not enough people did it these days.
Tim was a funny guy. He always made her laugh whenever she read about the stunts or pranks he’d pulled on his unit, and she could just picture the goofy grin he wore that let him get away with murder. Growing up, Arizona had never been able to lie very well and it almost always got the two of them into trouble. All Tim had to do was flash that smile of his and he would be more likely to get rewarded than punished - her twin brother just had that type of personality. He was a charmer with the ladies. As they got older, it turned out they both were.
Even after he died she wrote to him. Things that were important to her, things that were on her mind, good or bad. Since her relationship with her parents had been scarce these last few years, Arizona still needed to tell someone about her life, so she wrote letters to her deceased twin brother and imagined that he was still alive to read them.
She kept them in a lockbox at home and they were now sitting in storage along with the rest of her things. She never re-read them once they were finished and sealed shut. Now, here she was again with a pad of paper on her lap, chewing thoughtfully on the edge on the pen as she mulled over what she wanted to say.
For the first time that she could remember, the letter wasn’t addressed to Timothy - it was addressed to Calliope. She loved the brunette’s full name and how easily it rolled off her tongue whenever she said it out loud.
Calliope,
Arizona leaned back against the creaky headboard and thought. She wasn’t sure what she wanted to say or if there was anything specific she felt the need to write down. She just knew that she missed Callie, that she was thinking about her constantly, and that the thought alone of seeing her smile again made her heart sing and her leg hurt a little less. Callie made her happier than she could ever remember being.
Well, that was a start.
Calliope,
It’s been two days since I last saw you, since I last kissed you. I’m sitting here in a dark and empty room without any real means of communication, so I’ve decided to write you this letter. Cheesy, right? I promise this isn’t a ploy to make you swoon or to get into your pants - although either response is completely acceptable and generally encouraged.
I’ve never been very good at expressing my thoughts or feelings verbally, something that I’m sure you’ve noticed by now. Instead I write them down, all at once, where I can say everything I need to say and not worry about anything getting in my way. Like my own verbal clumsiness, or the fact that I tend to get distracted by the way you smile at me. Even the ‘look’ you sometimes give me that tells me you think I’m being a moron is enough to stop me in my tracks.
It hasn’t exactly been a picnic since you left. Getting away from the hospital has been wonderful, though - sleeping in a bed that I can actually roll over in without hitting my elbows on a guardrail or tangling myself around an IV cord has been nice. So maybe it is a little bit of a picnic, just...a picnic with ants or something.
Mostly, I’ve been missing you. I miss watching stupid movies or ridiculous game shows together and mocking the people who fail at them. I miss waiting for you to walk in that door and hand me a big, juicy burger and a heartattack-inducing milkshake that’s just about the greatest thing I’ve ever tasted.
I miss when you’re frustrated and unsure of a tough case that’s been thrown your way, and we spend an hour of your free time hashing it out and coming up with a plan. Although, face it, you’ll never have a more difficult patient than me and we both know it. I like to think that dealing with me has prepared you for anything, especially now that you’re an attending. You’re going to need those skills. There are plenty of chronic pain patients out there who like to give their doctors lip and now you know exactly how to handle them. (To be clear, I mean stealing their crutches and giving them your sternest glare, not crawling into bed and making time for movie dates.)
I haven’t been able to sleep much. The pain has been keeping me awake, but not to worry. I got myself into this mess and I promised you I’d stick it out. The few times I have been able to catch some shut-eye, I dream about you. About the way your lips tasted, how your body felt pressed into mine. I dream about doing it again and that, somehow, it’s even better than it was the first time (which will be pretty hard to top).
No one else has ever made me feel the way you do and that scares me. Admitting that scares me. But it’s the kind of scared I’m willing to force myself not to turn away from. I’ve done too much of that in my life. You’re the first person I’ve ever wanted to fight for and I think for a while that threw me for a loop.
I know we don’t know each other that well yet. We’ve spent all of this time together and never really talked about our lives before I found you. That’s one thing I’m looking forward to the most - I want to know everything about you. How you grew up, your family, the things you loved to do and things that got you into trouble. Because I know you were a troublemaker, Callie, I just know it. I want to hear about the broken bones from playing too hard and see the trophies from your successes. I want to hear about your first love and your last (although in my mind they’re ugly and have no hair and I’m way prettier, so try not to ruin that for me, please).
I want to know everything that makes you you, because somehow it all came together and helped shape the person that has fascinated me the more I get to know her. Whatever the circumstances were that landed me in your OR, deep down I’m thankful they did. These last few months would have been unbearable without you sticking by my side, even when I was at my worst. You will never know how thankful I am, and I hope that someday I can be there for you in return.
I’ll be getting an actual phone soon and I believe this is a little too long to fit into a text message. I hope you don’t laugh at me too hard and that my cheesy-romantic side is more endearing than vomit-worthy.
I’ll see you soon, beautiful.
~Arizona
PS: If the offer still stands, I would love to take up the third bedroom in your apartment. I think I just saw a cockroach scuttle across the bathroom floor.
After signing the letter and killing the roach with one of her dirty old combat boots, Arizona folded the paper up and put it inside her jacket pocket. If she didn’t get a phone tomorrow she planned on stopping by to see Callie either before or after her physical therapy appointment. She would leave it with her and promptly run away before she lost her nerve.
Smiling to herself, Arizona sat back and drummed her fingers indecisively against the covers. She’d taken six ibuprofen in place of her prescription pills but they barely did anything to take the edge off. She was achy but not tired enough to try and sleep again. This room was starting to feel like a cage itself - at least at the hospital she’d had company.
Arizona turned to the land line, contemplating her next move. A knot formed in the pit of her stomach and she reached out with a shaky hand to lift it off of the receiver. The tone drawled heavily against her ear and her fingers shook as they dialed collect to San Diego. It took four rings before she was connected.
“Hello?” The voice was rough, even a little gravely, but it was strong and left no room for funny business.
Arizona cleared her throat and released a soft breath. “Hi, dad.”
There was a small pause on the other end. “Zona,” Colonel Robbins said. “Hello, dear. I’m surprised to hear from you.”
Arizona forced out a smile, hoping it would transfer through to her voice. “Yeah. I’m stuck in a dingy hotel room and just killed a cockroach bigger than Uncle Rory’s mole, so...I thought I’d call and say ‘hey’.”
“Well, even if it did take an insect invasion to make you finally call home, I’m glad you did.”
She couldn’t tell if his sarcasm was playful or condescending, but she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. She knew the more she tried to give him upfront, the longer this conversation would last. And if she was being honest, she needed the company, the familiarity. She needed just an ounce of support from her family, even if this was the first time she had reached out for it since Tim died.
“To what do I owe this pleasure? It’s not like you to call out of the blue.”
She let it roll off her shoulders. “I just got out of the hospital, actually. I had two pretty major surgeries these last couple of months, a total knee replacement and whatnot. I was...I couldn’t sleep and I hadn’t called to tell you anything about my recovery, so I thought I’d let you know and stuff.” She rolled her eyes at herself, wondering when things became so awkward between them.
“I’m well aware of your progress, Arizona. Chief Webber has kept us informed every step of the way. I’m glad to hear you’re back on your feet, so to speak. From the sounds of things, after some intensive rehab you should be good as new.” He chuckled softly. “I knew sending you to that surgeon was a good idea.”
“Yeah,” Arizona replied lightly, smirking to herself. She’d give him that one. “She’s been great, actually. She was amazing.”
“When are you coming home? Your mother and I want to make sure we have everything set up before then.”
That made her freeze. “What?”
Colonel Robbins sighed heavily into the phone, as if he were talking to a small child. “When are you coming home?” he repeated. “Your surgeries are finished, you don’t have anywhere to stay out there and we have exceptional physical rehabilitation specialists in San Diego at the base. You would be better off here, with your mother and I.”
Arizona tried to find it nice that her father actually wanted her around, but it was a little hard to considering he didn’t ask so much as inform her that she was expected to go home. “Um, I’m not. I’m staying here for now.”
The Colonel’s voice rose. “Under no circumstances are you staying in an unfamiliar city by yourself in your condition.”
Arizona tightened her grip on the phone and gritted her teeth. “Dad-”
“No. You need support right now; you’re nowhere near in good enough shape to be on your own. You said yourself you’re sitting in a hotel room full of cockroaches. What on God’s green earth makes you think I’m going to let you live like that for the next six months?”
Arizona pulled in a breath through her teeth. “I’m a big girl, dad, I can take care of myself. Besides, Teddy’s here and-” She hesitated. She hadn’t exactly been planning on saying anything to him yet.
“I met someone.” She had to smirk when he went silent for a full five seconds. It was nice to catch him off guard for once. “The point is, I’m staying put. I want to finish physio here and I’m probably going to be moving into an apartment right across from the hospital, so it’ll be easy to get back and forth every day.”
When all she was met with was more stony silence, she pushed on. “This is a good thing, dad. I’m trying to get my life back.”
Daniel Robbins released another breath and she could just picture him pinching the bridge of his nose. He always did that when he was frustrated with her or her brother growing up. “Arizona, you need to come home.”
“Did you not hear a word I just said?” Arizona growled, feeling herself becoming more and more frustrated by the second.
“I did,” he replied carefully, “but you can’t honestly think I’m going to let you stay in Seattle on your own just because you met some woman, do you? That’s ridiculous. You can’t expect someone you barely know to take care of you while you recuperate. That’s hardly fair to either of you, Zona. You will not stay there simply because of some...some ‘fling’. I know it’s been a while since you’ve been back in the U.S., but-”
“No,” Arizona interrupted, tightening her grip on the receiver. “Look, it’s not that simple, okay? She’s been there for me since the beginning a-and I’m not expecting her to ‘take care of me’, I just - I care about her. More than I’ve cared about anyone in a long time, and I’m so sick of convincing myself that I don’t need to be happy. I’ve done my job and I’ve done it well for three years, dad. I’m not coming home to sleep in my four poster twin bed for six months and be miserable.”
“Arizona Michelle Robbins,” Daniel warned, the sudden boom to his voice making her subconsciously shiver. She hated that her father had such an effect on her sometimes. “You listen to me. Don’t throw your life away because some pretty girl batted her eyelashes at you. She has no idea what you’ve been through these last five months, these last three years. It is completely unfair of you to expect her to take care of your needs when you’ve got a support system back home that knows how to handle you and your situation.”
“‘Handle’ me?” Arizona sat up and barely refrained from chucking the phone across the room. “You know what? You don’t know me, you don’t know my life, and you hardly know what I’ve been through these last five months. The best you could do was call Teddy and force her to do the job my father should have been doing while I was hurt and angry and completely terrified. So you know what? Screw you.”
There was a change in the Colonel’s tone, a considerable softening. “Arizona-”
She didn’t want to hear it. She abruptly slammed the phone down on the receiver, cutting him off. Her hand rested on top for a moment and she clenched her jaw as she fought like hell to hold back the tears threatening to spill over.
Her father was the only person who could make her cry like this and right now she hated him for it. It didn’t matter if he thought he was doing what was best for her, she took the damn hint.
Why was it that every time she tried to let herself be happy for three goddamn seconds, he had to go and derail everything?
Sighing heavily and suddenly feeling exhausted all over again, Arizona set the phone down on the side table. She crawled into bed and leaned against the headboard, tilting her neck back to rest on the surface.
As angry as she was, maybe he was right. She cared about Callie, a lot, but was it really fair to ask her to get involved in this mess?
It’s not like she was sticking around so the brunette could ‘take care of her’. She was sticking around because there was something between them that was too powerful for Arizona to walk away from. Or so she thought.
Groaning, she pulled her left knee up and rested her forehead against it, burying her face in her hands. Who was she kidding? Even her own father had pretty much called her a situation to be dealt with. Arizona hated him for planting that seed of self-doubt all over again, but maybe he was right. It was completely unfair of her to burden Callie with all of her problems right now; God knows she had plenty of them. The physical injuries were just the surface of her underlying issues, it didn’t take a psychologist to help her figure that out. The night terrors alone would be enough to chase any sane woman away.
Arizona could no longer hold them back, and because she was alone, she finally let the tears spill over; a soft, sad sob wracking her body as she broke down for the first time since her second surgery.
She hated her father. Hated him.
***
The first week that Arizona didn’t call, Callie chalked it up to the difficulties of settling down in a new city and the fact that she might not even have a phone yet. It wasn’t exactly easy to get around in Seattle without a car and using crutches, especially in the rain, and cab fair was awfully expensive. Maybe she was even trying to be a little bit of a tease by keeping Callie waiting.
At the beginning of the second week, she convinced herself that Arizona had gotten lost in an unfamiliar city, or she that was in pain and didn’t have anyone to help her out, or that she was hurt or injured in a freak accident. Since she knew basically nobody in this city, she may never be seen or heard from again.
Callie rationalized that Teddy would be acting more concerned if this were the case and that kept her from freaking out completely. It didn’t stop her from checking her cellphone every chance she got and staring at the empty message inbox. She debated stopping by the motel, except that work kept her busy and she didn’t want to come across as a crazy stalker by showing up after midnight.
“Why hasn’t she called?” Callie demanded of Cristina one afternoon in their apartment, checking her phone for the fifteenth time that hour.
“Why do you even care?” Cristina asked, glancing over from where she was playing Xbox in the living room.
“Because! She’s amazing a-and we have this connection that I thought - I mean, we kissed and it was fantastic and I wrote my number on her cast. You should’ve seen the look on her face after I did it,” Callie added with a goofy grin.
Cristina gagged and rolled her eyes. “Yeah, no. I’m good, thanks.”
“Seriously, Cristina,” Callie shot back, leaning against the kitchen counter and propping her chin in her palm. “She’s got this amazing smile and this adorable little cheek-dimply thing goin’ on. She’s gorgeous.” Pouting once more, she stole yet another glance at her phone. “Why hasn’t she called? It’s been seven days!”
“Probably because you just used the word ‘cheek-dimply’,” Cristina muttered, blowing something up on-screen. “She’s too hardcore for you.”
“Oh, shove it,” Callie grumbled, turning away and re-immersing herself in the dinner she was cooking.
By the end of that second week, she had finally just accepted it for what it was - Arizona didn’t call because she didn’t want to. That absolutely crushed Callie.
How could they share that moment together and then she not call? That wasn’t some peck-on-the-doorstep, I’ll-call-you-but-not-really awkward first date kind of thing. Callie couldn’t understand the sudden change of heart.
Once again she felt that sinking depression settle in and the familiar listlessness return full force. She knew Arizona had to be around for her physical therapy sessions in a wing across the hospital but she never went in search of her. It was obvious that she didn’t want to be found. While Callie had once been looking forward to seeing her and taking off her cast at the end of the two week period, she was now so bummed out about it that she sent Alex Karev to do it instead. She couldn't bear to look into those blue eyes that had been on her mind for fourteen days and know that the blonde hadn’t been thinking about her the same way.
In a matter of only two short weeks, Callie had gone from believing her whole world was about to change for the better to laughing at herself for daring to think it was possible. Arizona was apparently no different from the other selfish jerks out there; Callie was just too much of a fool to realize it in time.
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