Absent Secrets (1/5)
Absent Secrets
Chapter 1/5
Author: Faith kennedysbitch
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: R (sensitive subject matter)
Summary: After suffering an unexpected tragedy, Arizona has trouble coping and Callie is left trying to hold together the life they’ve built for themselves.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Chapters 1-5
A/N: LJ was giving me some serious formatting issues this morning. I think I fixed it, but if it's still screwed up somehow, I apologize.
---
When Calliope Torres woke up to an empty bed on a Wednesday morning, the usual worry and panic that fueled her desire to leap up and find her missing partner were mysteriously absent for once.
She’d grown used to it by now, waking up alone. Each and every time she missed feeling the blonde in her arms, missed feeling the warmth that radiated from her body, missed the way she could bury her nose in the crook of her neck and breathe in her heavenly scent.
Arizona didn’t sleep much these days. And when she did, she usually kept her distance on the other side of the bed. Even when she was there, she was never really ‘here’.
Callie released a deep sigh and pushed herself up into a sitting position. Her long curls hung messily around her tired features, framing the dark circles under her eyes and the seemingly permanent and listless pout on her lips. She kicked the covers aside and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, taking a moment to pop the stiffness from her back before standing up and padding over to the master bathroom.
Her desire to make sure Arizona was okay wasn’t gone, but the knowledge that she’d find the same thing she found every morning was enough to allow her to jump in the shower first. Before she had to step beyond the bedroom door and face the world at large.
As far as she was concerned, the world could suck it and wait just a little bit longer.
***
Arizona stood in front of the stove, still clad in her navy blue pajama bottoms and an over-sized grey Harvard sweatshirt. Her hair was pinned up into a blonde mess, and she wore matching circles under her crystal blue eyes. She poked idly at the eggs scrambling in the frying pan in front of her, staring at but not really seeing them.
That dull, familiar ache was still plaguing her body, and she shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. Nothing in particular hurt, but at the same time, everything did. It was a phantom ache, she knew that, more mental than physical. But it was one that made her wish she could crawl back into bed and bury herself underneath the covers for a week; made her wish that the entire world would just leave her the hell alone.
One person refused to do so. Callie never left her side these days, unless she had to go to work or take care of other necessary errands.
Her protective instincts both warmed Arizona and infuriated her all at once. She couldn’t even look Callie in the eye most days, yet there she was, asking her constantly if she was okay, if she needed anything, or if she wanted to talk about it.
No, she didn’t want to talk about it. Or anything else, for that matter. She wanted to curl into a ball and get some god damn sleep for once. She hadn’t slept much more than a wink since...
Arizona started as a pair of tiny arms suddenly clamped their way around her legs and a warm body slammed into her from the side. She wobbled a bit more than necessary, grabbing the countertop next to the stove for fake support. “Whoa there, Junior. Where did you come from?”
A high-pitched giggle sounded from somewhere below waist level.
Arizona removed the frying pan from the heated element and turned off the stove before bending down to scoop the pajama-clad mess of dark, unruly curls into her arms. “You’re supposed to be sleeping, hm?” She smiled at the three-and-a-half-year-old balanced her on her hip, feeling a bit of the permafrost surrounding her heart melt away at the small pair of arms that clung tightly around her neck.
“Couldn’t sleep,” the child admonished. “Smelled bacon.”
Arizona beamed. Jacquelyn Torres was definitely Calliope’s daughter. “Bacon’s on the table, you goof. Your eggs are almost ready. Want some juice?”
“Chocolate milk.”
“You can’t have chocolate milk this early in the morning.”
“Mommy said I could.”
Arizona lifted a skeptical eyebrow at her daughter. She’d even inherited Calliope’s pout. While not completely immune to its effects, Arizona found herself with enough willpower to resist this particular morning. “Nope. Your mommy’s asleep. Nice try. You’re getting apple juice.”
She carried the squirming child over to sit her down in her booster seat, setting a few pieces of bacon in front of her, then shuffled back over to the stove to portion the eggs out onto three plates.
A child-like ‘bleh!’ coming from the kitchen table made Arizona peer over again.
“That’s not bacon!”
“It’s turkey bacon, sweetie,” Arizona informed her daughter patiently. “It’s pretty much the same thing.”
“We’ll have to disagree on that one,” Callie’s voice broke in next to her ear.
Arizona glanced over her shoulder in surprise and smiled a little as Callie leaned in to give her a small kiss. She immediately moved off to give Arizona her space, and it made the blonde a little sad. “It’s healthier,” she informed both parties, plopping a piece of toast onto each plate before balancing all three in her arms and sashaying after Callie into the dining area. “Don’t listen to your mother. It is pretty much the same thing.”
Jacquelyn made a face. “Is not.” She made a show of dropping the piece of turkey bacon back onto her plate and wiped her hands on the napkin in front of her.
Callie leaned down to kiss the little tot on top of her head and shot Arizona a crooked grin as she reached over to take two of the plates from her arms. She set them out on the table before sitting down. “Gonna have to go with the squirt on this one, Ari. Sorry. That’s not real bacon.”
Arizona narrowed her eyes and grumbled under her breath.
Callie sighed dramatically, as though she was about to go to great personal lengths despite her better judgment. “But, your mama went through all the trouble of making it, and it is good for you, so we’re gonna eat it anyway. Because we love her.” She tilted her head up at her girlfriend and smiled.
Jacquelyn sighed just as heavily as her mother, but picked up the strip of turkey bacon and bit a corner off, chewing reluctantly. “Thank you, mama,” she said with a hint of resignation in her tiny voice.
Callie picked up a piece and nibbled on it as well, wearing an identical expression on her face without even realizing it.
Arizona just shook her head and chuckled at her two girls. They were so alike, it blew her away sometimes. Jacquelyn had inherited Callie’s smile, her nose, her eyes, her sense of humor...and, of course, the desire to drive Arizona completely crazy just for the fun of it. She was an exact replica of Calliope in miniature.
Exactly what Arizona had always wanted.
“You two are so hard done by. You must suffer endlessly while I spend my time slaving away over a hot stove.”
“We only suffer when you try to cook non-breakfast foods,” Callie supplied helpfully, gnawing on a piece of bacon while blinking innocently up at the blonde.
Arizona rolled her eyes and nudged Callie in the arm with her hip, leaning down to drop a kiss on top of her head before moseying over to the fridge to dig out the apple juice.
Callie watched her go, a tiny smile playing at the corners of her lips. It lifted her spirits to hear Arizona laugh again; she did so little of it these days. And she’d missed that smile. For just an instant, she’d gotten a glimpse of those dimples that had captured her heart almost six years ago.
She missed Arizona. She only seemed to be even remotely herself when their daughter was around.
But it wasn’t hard to figure out why. They had a pretty cute kid.
The rest of breakfast went by with relative ease. Callie ate her scrambled eggs, toast, and even the god-awful shoe leather bacon without further complaint, and she made sure Jacquelyn did the same. The three of them chatted about Jacquelyn’s new pre-school friend with the cute teddy bear that she was requesting a duplicate of for her fourth birthday in October. Which, Jackie so kindly reminded them several times, was only two months away. Callie also teased Arizona about the embarrassing baby photographs her mother had sent in a recent letter from San Diego. Arizona had been an adorable, happy-go-lucky child, much like she was in adulthood, and Callie had no trouble seeing the blonde’s personality in the little bundle of energy that sat between them now.
Jacquelyn finished her toast and Arizona got up to carry her over to the kitchen sink. She held her tightly while they leaned over and Jackie washed the peanut butter from her hands.
“Mama?” Jackie bypassed the hand towel Arizona reached for and dried her fingers on the Harvard sweatshirt instead. For someone that was just shy of four years old, she looked awfully contemplative. “Are you still sick?”
Arizona froze. She felt Callie’s presence enter the kitchen and lean against the far counter, those dark eyes boring a hole into the side of her skull. She refused to look over at Callie as she smiled at their daughter and reached up to playfully tweak her nose. “I’m feeling a little better, sweetie. Don’t you worry about me.”
“Are you going back to work with the kids again?” Jackie tugged on the hoody drawstring that hung down Arizona’s shoulder.
Arizona’s heart constricted in her chest at the softly spoken words. “Not yet, baby.” She pressed a loving kiss to Jacquelyn’s temple, bouncing her a little against her hip. “But soon.”
“I wanna stay home today.” Jackie kept her tight little grip on the material and looked up with wide brown eyes to meet Arizona’s blue. “Wanna make you feel better.”
Once again, Arizona felt her heart break, while simultaneously swelling with the overwhelming amount of love she held for this child. “No, sweetie, you need to go play with your friends and get to know Mr. Bear some more. Ask him if he’s got any cousins or siblings that are looking for a home in the next few weeks, okay? I’ll be fine here by myself, I promise.”
Jackie pouted in her mother’s arms, but nodded. “Okay.” She wiggled, and Arizona set her back down on her feet.
“Now go on, get dressed. I’ll be there in a minute to help if you need it.” She playfully smacked the little girl on her bottom and grinned when she squealed and took off running for her bedroom.
Silence fell over the kitchen.
Arizona cleared her throat softly and went about clearing their plates, avoiding eye contact with Callie as she walked by to grab the dishes from the table, and again on her way back to the sink. She methodically rinsed them and pulled open the dishwasher.
Callie just continued to lean against the counter and watch Arizona with concern in her eyes. It was like this whenever they were alone in a room - Arizona sealed herself shut and wouldn’t budge an inch in the communication department. She wasn’t giving her the cold shoulder, but she certainly wasn’t making an effort to talk about anything meaningful.
Like the giant elephant in the room.
Callie finally sighed and dropped her arms away from her chest. “Arizona-”
“I talked to the Chief this morning.” Arizona glanced up at Callie with a carefully neutral expression. “I’m going back to work on Friday.”
It was Wednesday, and Callie knew it was still too soon. “Arizona,” she repeated, taking a cautious step toward her lover, afraid that if she moved too fast Arizona would startle and bolt. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Yes,” Arizona answered sharply, blue eyes hardening defensively as they finally met brown. “I’m sick of sitting on my ass all day feeling like shi-” She cut herself off in case a tiny pair of ears were listening in, and lowered her voice. “Feeling like this. I need to get back to normal, okay?” When Callie just sighed again, Arizona gritted her teeth. “I thought that’s what you wanted, for me to get back to the way things were before. I’m trying, okay?”
“I don’t want you to rush yourself,” Callie replied softly. She took another step towards the blonde and reached out. “Arizona, the miscarriage was barely two weeks ago, no one would fault you for taking more tim-”
“I don’t need more time!” Arizona snapped, the words coming out in an angrier rush than she intended them to. She slammed the dishwasher shut and made Callie jump in place. “I-I need to...to just get out of this apartment, out of my own head. I need to do something Calliope, don’t you see that? Don’t you believe me when I say that I’m trying here?”
Callie sighed in frustration and ran her fingers back through her hair. “Arizona, how can I believe you when you won’t even talk to me?” She took another step forward, but stopped when Arizona matched it with a step back. It hurt to see the woman she loved drawing further and further away from her.
No matter how much Arizona tried to hide it, Callie could see the pain behind those beautiful blue eyes of hers. She could try to put a brave face on for their daughter, but Callie could read her like a book, and she knew Arizona was struggling. Badly.
“Baby, please, this is happening to me, too.” Callie swallowed back thickly, her voice suddenly threatening to break. It took all of her effort to fight against the well of tears that sprung up behind her eyes. “I need you to talk to me. I-I can’t stand losing the baby and you, please, I-”
But she knew she had said the wrong thing as soon as the unbearable pain flashed over Arizona’s face. The blonde hugged her arms tightly around herself and took another step away, glaring hard at the wall. It killed Callie to know that if she rushed forward and pulled Arizona into her arms, if she hugged her as fiercely as she wanted to and told her that everything would be okay and she hadn’t done anything wrong, Arizona would push her away and retreat even more into herself.
As it was, Arizona started backing away in the direction of their bedroom. She was shaking slightly, and even though she refused to look Callie in the eye, the brunette knew she was barley holding back tears.
“Just...make sure she gets dressed and ready before Mark gets here, okay? I-I can’t...” Without another word, Arizona turned and all but fled back into the master bedroom, closing the door sharply behind her.
There was nothing Callie could do other than watch her go.
“Is she sick again, mommy?”
Callie pulled in a deep, steadying breath and made sure all signs of her own wavering emotions were re-buried before turning back to their daughter, who was hunkered up against the archway leading into the kitchen. She stepped over and scooped Jacquelyn up in her arms, resting her on her hip. “Yeah, baby. She’s not feeling too good right now.” Jackie had managed to change her pants, but was still wearing her Scooby Doo pajama shirt. “C’mon, I’ll help you get ready. Uncle Mark will be here soon to drop you off at pre-school.”
Jacquelyn buried her face in Callie’s shoulder as Callie walked through the main floor over to her rainbow-and-unicorn-themed bedroom. “Is mama gonna be okay?”
Callie closed her eyes and rubbed a soothing hand over the little girl’s back. “Yeah, baby. She’s gonna be just fine.”
---
A/N: It’s not all quite this angsty, I promise. ;) There are some good moments, too, for those of you that are turned away by complete angst. I hope to be caught up on Fault Lines soon, by the time I wrap up posting this. Classes are finishing and I’m heading into exams, so I’ll have to see how everything goes. Thanks for your patience, and hopefully this’ll keep you interested while I catch up.
Chapter 1/5
Author: Faith kennedysbitch
Pairing: Callie/Arizona
Rating: R (sensitive subject matter)
Summary: After suffering an unexpected tragedy, Arizona has trouble coping and Callie is left trying to hold together the life they’ve built for themselves.
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libelous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
Chapters 1-5
A/N: LJ was giving me some serious formatting issues this morning. I think I fixed it, but if it's still screwed up somehow, I apologize.
---
When Calliope Torres woke up to an empty bed on a Wednesday morning, the usual worry and panic that fueled her desire to leap up and find her missing partner were mysteriously absent for once.
She’d grown used to it by now, waking up alone. Each and every time she missed feeling the blonde in her arms, missed feeling the warmth that radiated from her body, missed the way she could bury her nose in the crook of her neck and breathe in her heavenly scent.
Arizona didn’t sleep much these days. And when she did, she usually kept her distance on the other side of the bed. Even when she was there, she was never really ‘here’.
Callie released a deep sigh and pushed herself up into a sitting position. Her long curls hung messily around her tired features, framing the dark circles under her eyes and the seemingly permanent and listless pout on her lips. She kicked the covers aside and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, taking a moment to pop the stiffness from her back before standing up and padding over to the master bathroom.
Her desire to make sure Arizona was okay wasn’t gone, but the knowledge that she’d find the same thing she found every morning was enough to allow her to jump in the shower first. Before she had to step beyond the bedroom door and face the world at large.
As far as she was concerned, the world could suck it and wait just a little bit longer.
***
Arizona stood in front of the stove, still clad in her navy blue pajama bottoms and an over-sized grey Harvard sweatshirt. Her hair was pinned up into a blonde mess, and she wore matching circles under her crystal blue eyes. She poked idly at the eggs scrambling in the frying pan in front of her, staring at but not really seeing them.
That dull, familiar ache was still plaguing her body, and she shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. Nothing in particular hurt, but at the same time, everything did. It was a phantom ache, she knew that, more mental than physical. But it was one that made her wish she could crawl back into bed and bury herself underneath the covers for a week; made her wish that the entire world would just leave her the hell alone.
One person refused to do so. Callie never left her side these days, unless she had to go to work or take care of other necessary errands.
Her protective instincts both warmed Arizona and infuriated her all at once. She couldn’t even look Callie in the eye most days, yet there she was, asking her constantly if she was okay, if she needed anything, or if she wanted to talk about it.
No, she didn’t want to talk about it. Or anything else, for that matter. She wanted to curl into a ball and get some god damn sleep for once. She hadn’t slept much more than a wink since...
Arizona started as a pair of tiny arms suddenly clamped their way around her legs and a warm body slammed into her from the side. She wobbled a bit more than necessary, grabbing the countertop next to the stove for fake support. “Whoa there, Junior. Where did you come from?”
A high-pitched giggle sounded from somewhere below waist level.
Arizona removed the frying pan from the heated element and turned off the stove before bending down to scoop the pajama-clad mess of dark, unruly curls into her arms. “You’re supposed to be sleeping, hm?” She smiled at the three-and-a-half-year-old balanced her on her hip, feeling a bit of the permafrost surrounding her heart melt away at the small pair of arms that clung tightly around her neck.
“Couldn’t sleep,” the child admonished. “Smelled bacon.”
Arizona beamed. Jacquelyn Torres was definitely Calliope’s daughter. “Bacon’s on the table, you goof. Your eggs are almost ready. Want some juice?”
“Chocolate milk.”
“You can’t have chocolate milk this early in the morning.”
“Mommy said I could.”
Arizona lifted a skeptical eyebrow at her daughter. She’d even inherited Calliope’s pout. While not completely immune to its effects, Arizona found herself with enough willpower to resist this particular morning. “Nope. Your mommy’s asleep. Nice try. You’re getting apple juice.”
She carried the squirming child over to sit her down in her booster seat, setting a few pieces of bacon in front of her, then shuffled back over to the stove to portion the eggs out onto three plates.
A child-like ‘bleh!’ coming from the kitchen table made Arizona peer over again.
“That’s not bacon!”
“It’s turkey bacon, sweetie,” Arizona informed her daughter patiently. “It’s pretty much the same thing.”
“We’ll have to disagree on that one,” Callie’s voice broke in next to her ear.
Arizona glanced over her shoulder in surprise and smiled a little as Callie leaned in to give her a small kiss. She immediately moved off to give Arizona her space, and it made the blonde a little sad. “It’s healthier,” she informed both parties, plopping a piece of toast onto each plate before balancing all three in her arms and sashaying after Callie into the dining area. “Don’t listen to your mother. It is pretty much the same thing.”
Jacquelyn made a face. “Is not.” She made a show of dropping the piece of turkey bacon back onto her plate and wiped her hands on the napkin in front of her.
Callie leaned down to kiss the little tot on top of her head and shot Arizona a crooked grin as she reached over to take two of the plates from her arms. She set them out on the table before sitting down. “Gonna have to go with the squirt on this one, Ari. Sorry. That’s not real bacon.”
Arizona narrowed her eyes and grumbled under her breath.
Callie sighed dramatically, as though she was about to go to great personal lengths despite her better judgment. “But, your mama went through all the trouble of making it, and it is good for you, so we’re gonna eat it anyway. Because we love her.” She tilted her head up at her girlfriend and smiled.
Jacquelyn sighed just as heavily as her mother, but picked up the strip of turkey bacon and bit a corner off, chewing reluctantly. “Thank you, mama,” she said with a hint of resignation in her tiny voice.
Callie picked up a piece and nibbled on it as well, wearing an identical expression on her face without even realizing it.
Arizona just shook her head and chuckled at her two girls. They were so alike, it blew her away sometimes. Jacquelyn had inherited Callie’s smile, her nose, her eyes, her sense of humor...and, of course, the desire to drive Arizona completely crazy just for the fun of it. She was an exact replica of Calliope in miniature.
Exactly what Arizona had always wanted.
“You two are so hard done by. You must suffer endlessly while I spend my time slaving away over a hot stove.”
“We only suffer when you try to cook non-breakfast foods,” Callie supplied helpfully, gnawing on a piece of bacon while blinking innocently up at the blonde.
Arizona rolled her eyes and nudged Callie in the arm with her hip, leaning down to drop a kiss on top of her head before moseying over to the fridge to dig out the apple juice.
Callie watched her go, a tiny smile playing at the corners of her lips. It lifted her spirits to hear Arizona laugh again; she did so little of it these days. And she’d missed that smile. For just an instant, she’d gotten a glimpse of those dimples that had captured her heart almost six years ago.
She missed Arizona. She only seemed to be even remotely herself when their daughter was around.
But it wasn’t hard to figure out why. They had a pretty cute kid.
The rest of breakfast went by with relative ease. Callie ate her scrambled eggs, toast, and even the god-awful shoe leather bacon without further complaint, and she made sure Jacquelyn did the same. The three of them chatted about Jacquelyn’s new pre-school friend with the cute teddy bear that she was requesting a duplicate of for her fourth birthday in October. Which, Jackie so kindly reminded them several times, was only two months away. Callie also teased Arizona about the embarrassing baby photographs her mother had sent in a recent letter from San Diego. Arizona had been an adorable, happy-go-lucky child, much like she was in adulthood, and Callie had no trouble seeing the blonde’s personality in the little bundle of energy that sat between them now.
Jacquelyn finished her toast and Arizona got up to carry her over to the kitchen sink. She held her tightly while they leaned over and Jackie washed the peanut butter from her hands.
“Mama?” Jackie bypassed the hand towel Arizona reached for and dried her fingers on the Harvard sweatshirt instead. For someone that was just shy of four years old, she looked awfully contemplative. “Are you still sick?”
Arizona froze. She felt Callie’s presence enter the kitchen and lean against the far counter, those dark eyes boring a hole into the side of her skull. She refused to look over at Callie as she smiled at their daughter and reached up to playfully tweak her nose. “I’m feeling a little better, sweetie. Don’t you worry about me.”
“Are you going back to work with the kids again?” Jackie tugged on the hoody drawstring that hung down Arizona’s shoulder.
Arizona’s heart constricted in her chest at the softly spoken words. “Not yet, baby.” She pressed a loving kiss to Jacquelyn’s temple, bouncing her a little against her hip. “But soon.”
“I wanna stay home today.” Jackie kept her tight little grip on the material and looked up with wide brown eyes to meet Arizona’s blue. “Wanna make you feel better.”
Once again, Arizona felt her heart break, while simultaneously swelling with the overwhelming amount of love she held for this child. “No, sweetie, you need to go play with your friends and get to know Mr. Bear some more. Ask him if he’s got any cousins or siblings that are looking for a home in the next few weeks, okay? I’ll be fine here by myself, I promise.”
Jackie pouted in her mother’s arms, but nodded. “Okay.” She wiggled, and Arizona set her back down on her feet.
“Now go on, get dressed. I’ll be there in a minute to help if you need it.” She playfully smacked the little girl on her bottom and grinned when she squealed and took off running for her bedroom.
Silence fell over the kitchen.
Arizona cleared her throat softly and went about clearing their plates, avoiding eye contact with Callie as she walked by to grab the dishes from the table, and again on her way back to the sink. She methodically rinsed them and pulled open the dishwasher.
Callie just continued to lean against the counter and watch Arizona with concern in her eyes. It was like this whenever they were alone in a room - Arizona sealed herself shut and wouldn’t budge an inch in the communication department. She wasn’t giving her the cold shoulder, but she certainly wasn’t making an effort to talk about anything meaningful.
Like the giant elephant in the room.
Callie finally sighed and dropped her arms away from her chest. “Arizona-”
“I talked to the Chief this morning.” Arizona glanced up at Callie with a carefully neutral expression. “I’m going back to work on Friday.”
It was Wednesday, and Callie knew it was still too soon. “Arizona,” she repeated, taking a cautious step toward her lover, afraid that if she moved too fast Arizona would startle and bolt. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
“Yes,” Arizona answered sharply, blue eyes hardening defensively as they finally met brown. “I’m sick of sitting on my ass all day feeling like shi-” She cut herself off in case a tiny pair of ears were listening in, and lowered her voice. “Feeling like this. I need to get back to normal, okay?” When Callie just sighed again, Arizona gritted her teeth. “I thought that’s what you wanted, for me to get back to the way things were before. I’m trying, okay?”
“I don’t want you to rush yourself,” Callie replied softly. She took another step towards the blonde and reached out. “Arizona, the miscarriage was barely two weeks ago, no one would fault you for taking more tim-”
“I don’t need more time!” Arizona snapped, the words coming out in an angrier rush than she intended them to. She slammed the dishwasher shut and made Callie jump in place. “I-I need to...to just get out of this apartment, out of my own head. I need to do something Calliope, don’t you see that? Don’t you believe me when I say that I’m trying here?”
Callie sighed in frustration and ran her fingers back through her hair. “Arizona, how can I believe you when you won’t even talk to me?” She took another step forward, but stopped when Arizona matched it with a step back. It hurt to see the woman she loved drawing further and further away from her.
No matter how much Arizona tried to hide it, Callie could see the pain behind those beautiful blue eyes of hers. She could try to put a brave face on for their daughter, but Callie could read her like a book, and she knew Arizona was struggling. Badly.
“Baby, please, this is happening to me, too.” Callie swallowed back thickly, her voice suddenly threatening to break. It took all of her effort to fight against the well of tears that sprung up behind her eyes. “I need you to talk to me. I-I can’t stand losing the baby and you, please, I-”
But she knew she had said the wrong thing as soon as the unbearable pain flashed over Arizona’s face. The blonde hugged her arms tightly around herself and took another step away, glaring hard at the wall. It killed Callie to know that if she rushed forward and pulled Arizona into her arms, if she hugged her as fiercely as she wanted to and told her that everything would be okay and she hadn’t done anything wrong, Arizona would push her away and retreat even more into herself.
As it was, Arizona started backing away in the direction of their bedroom. She was shaking slightly, and even though she refused to look Callie in the eye, the brunette knew she was barley holding back tears.
“Just...make sure she gets dressed and ready before Mark gets here, okay? I-I can’t...” Without another word, Arizona turned and all but fled back into the master bedroom, closing the door sharply behind her.
There was nothing Callie could do other than watch her go.
“Is she sick again, mommy?”
Callie pulled in a deep, steadying breath and made sure all signs of her own wavering emotions were re-buried before turning back to their daughter, who was hunkered up against the archway leading into the kitchen. She stepped over and scooped Jacquelyn up in her arms, resting her on her hip. “Yeah, baby. She’s not feeling too good right now.” Jackie had managed to change her pants, but was still wearing her Scooby Doo pajama shirt. “C’mon, I’ll help you get ready. Uncle Mark will be here soon to drop you off at pre-school.”
Jacquelyn buried her face in Callie’s shoulder as Callie walked through the main floor over to her rainbow-and-unicorn-themed bedroom. “Is mama gonna be okay?”
Callie closed her eyes and rubbed a soothing hand over the little girl’s back. “Yeah, baby. She’s gonna be just fine.”
---
A/N: It’s not all quite this angsty, I promise. ;) There are some good moments, too, for those of you that are turned away by complete angst. I hope to be caught up on Fault Lines soon, by the time I wrap up posting this. Classes are finishing and I’m heading into exams, so I’ll have to see how everything goes. Thanks for your patience, and hopefully this’ll keep you interested while I catch up.