Rough Landings - Chapter 17
Title: Rough Landings - Chapter 17
Rating: NC-17
Author: kelzm1989
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Rape/non-con, mpreg
Word Count: 5877
Summary: Based on this prompt: Jensen and Jared live together but Jensen is away on a bussiness trip and Jared is alone at home with their son when a stranger breaks in. Jared is attacked and raped and the son doesn't know what happened but he calls for help. Jensen finds out, he's worried and feeling guilty because when he left, him and Jared were fighting.
Disclaimer: This is pure imagination and let's hope that neither guy ever actually does go through this. I swear I want them to be safe... I just have a bit of a messed up mind, is all ;)
Jared rolled over slowly in the bed and groaned, feeling like he hadn't actually just slept for the past nine hours. This pregnancy was taking a lot out of him physically and compounded with everything else, he was just exhausted. He was grateful though when he wasn't hit with a sudden bout of nausea. Waking up and feeling like you were on a rocking sailboat could get old very fast and this time, he wasn't even happy about the cause of his nausea. Rubbing his eyes and realizing that he was alone in the bedroom, Jared began to wonder where his husband was as it was the last day of the weekend and he knew that normally, Jensen would still be fast asleep. "Jen?" Jared wondered out loud before he noticed the scrap of paper that was lying on his husbands pillow. It answered his question and caused him to smile a little.
Deciding to take a shower before Jensen arrived back home from grocery shopping, Jared dug through one of the boxes labeled 'Bathroom' and found a towel as well as the shampoo and soap. Jared paused as he closed the bedroom door, wondering if he should lock it or not. 'It's okay, you're safe.' He told himself, deciding to leave the door unlocked. He wanted to stop feeling so controlled by his fears and paranoia. He still felt vulnerable though as he turned the shower water on and began to strip out of his pajamas, sneaking glances behind himself every now and then.
Jared swallowed thickly once he was completely naked and he accidentally caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Almost against his will, his hand drifted down to rest right under his belly button. It was still on the smaller side and able to be hidden beneath clothing but to him the soft beginning swell of his stomach was glaringly obvious. He felt like he might as well have a giant red arrow pointing to his stomach. Jared felt as if his growing stomach was taunting him, like it was a constant reminder of his nightmares and what he'd gone through that night.
There was a part of him that knew this baby, his baby, was innocent in everything that had happened recently but he couldn't help wishing that he wasn't pregnant. He felt beyond guilty for even thinking that. Jared could remember Jensen tracking the growth of his stomach when they'd been expecting Tyler but the thought of doing that now made him sick.
'Why am I so ungrateful?' He asked himself. Jared knew how hard it was sometimes to get pregnant and to let alone stay pregnant and here he was, expecting with a child he wasn't sure about. He had been serious last night though when he had told Jensen his fear about possibly losing the baby. Even if this child was his rapists', he knew he couldn't handle another miscarriage. The physical pain had been enough to bring him to his knees on their kitchen floor and just knowing that he apparently wasn't capable of carrying a second child... it was devastating. It made him feel like a failure and an unfit parent. He had essentially failed their baby before it had even taken its first breath.
Despite what everyone had tried to tell him since it had happened, Jared blamed himself for the loss of their baby though he had thought he'd been doing everything right. He'd been taking his prenatal meds and exercising regularly. He hadn't had a drop of alcohol to drink since he'd found out and he'd never smoked a day in his life... what had he done wrong? And why was he still being punished? Jared sniffled and wiped a hand under his nose, not even realizing that he had started crying. 'Please don't let me lose this one too' He silently prayed because even though he wasn't sure if he could love this child, he was sure that there was somebody out there who could. And what if by some chance it was Jensen's? Dr. Morgan had put the baby's conception at two weeks prior to his rape so he knew it was a possibility but he was too scared to believe that.
Hearing the front door open snapped Jared out of his thoughts and he paused again, hoping like hell that Jensen had remembered to lock the front door when he'd left. 'Please let it be him' He silently pleaded to whoever was listening. Jared felt so paranoid but he only calmed down once he heard the familiar sound of his husband singing softly in the kitchen. Though he was quickly filled with a sense of anxiety and he scrambled to get in the shower.
He couldn't let Jensen see him like this and he sure as hell couldn't tell him what he was thinking. Jared knew how excited Jensen was about the baby and he knew his husband would be crushed and furious if he told him he was thinking about possibly giving it up for adoption. Truth be told, he was surprised that he hadn't received any calls from either his mom or his mother-in-law congratulating him. He hadn't thought that Jensen would actually be able to keep it a secret, especially not for this long.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen was busy putting the groceries away, feeling pretty decent this morning. Granted, they had had a rough start to the night but over all he felt kind of hopeful. He certainly hadn't expected Jared to raise concerns over the baby's well-being but it was nice to see and hear that. He chuckled a little to himself as he put away the jar of pickles and then the bottle of chocolate sauce that he had bought. Jared may not have requested those items yet but he was stocking up on them just in case. "Hey," Jensen smiled, finishing putting away the last of the items he'd bought when Jared walked out.
"Mornin'" Jared greeted back, leaning against the kitchen entryway. "Thanks for the note." He smiled, just as his stomach grumbled.
Jensen just smiled in return. "What do you feel like?" He asked, knowing that could potentially be a loaded question considering who he was talking to. "I'll make us some breakfast and then we can do some more unpacking?"
Jared nodded. "Sounds good," He felt himself get a little flirty and it took him by surprise. "So what are you going to make me?" He asked in an almost teasing voice.
Jensen grinned at Jared's question, hoping that last night had helped to give Jared just a tiny bit of his confidence back. He had meant it when he had said that their previous fights didn't matter. When he had seen Jared lying in the tub, he had been terrified that his husband was dead and the only thing he could think of was how much he needed him. "Absolutely anything you want." Jensen replied, looking at Jared expectantly.
"Can I have some cereal and toast then please?" Jared knew his order was simple but he didn't want to risk his currently pleasant stomach.
Jensen laughed. "Yeah, I think I can manage that." He teased before he set to work. "You're ah... you're feeling okay this morning though?" He asked after he'd popped two pieces of bread into the toaster.
Jared nodded. "Surprisingly, yes."
"Hmm, well maybe we're past that part now." Jensen wondered out loud hopefully. Watching Jared experience morning sickness was not something he enjoyed. There were other pregnancy symptoms that he loved, Jared's increased libido was one of them. Jensen turned around as a blush covered his cheeks and a wave of guilt hit him. He knew Jared wasn't ready for sex, hell they had barely kissed! And here he was, excited about the prospect of his husband having an increased sex drive?! What was wrong with him? Hurrying to turn around before he could make Jared uncomfortable, Jensen finished preparing breakfast and then headed down the hall, needing to get some space.
"Jen?" Jared asked, feeling suddenly unsure of himself. He didn't know what had happened in the last few minutes but he could tell that his husband was upset about something.
"I'm um... I'm gonna go unpack." Jensen supplied before leaving for the garage.
Jared felt his appetite disappear and he wanted to go see if it was something he'd said or done but he wasn't sure that was a good idea right now. Maybe Jensen just needed some space from him. He cleared his dishes and then headed into his bedroom, trying to distract himself.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen had been busy in the garage, unpacking all of his tools and arranging them in their proper places when he felt his cell phone buzz in his pocket. "Hi Mac," He answered, placing the phone in between his ear and shoulder as he continued to work. Honestly, he was a little surprised to be hearing from his sister on a random Sunday.
"Hey Jen," McKenzie smiled back through the other end of the line.
"What's up?" He asked, curious as to the reason for this call.
"Just calling to see how my big brother was doing, that's all." She explained nonchalantly.
"I'm fine Mac, you don't need to check on me." Jensen said, slightly irritated because the truth was he wasn't fine. He was trying here but he wasn't sure if he was doing things right by Jared and their family or if he was just making matters worse for everyone.
"Un-hunh, I believe you." It was obvious that McKenzie wasn't buying it and Jensen knew that he wasn't going to be getting off easy with this conversation. "But seriously Jen, how are things? I mean, mom and dad have been keeping us all informed but well... I'm worried."
Jensen nodded, finally setting down his tools and moving to sit on the cluttered floor. "I know Mac, we all are." And his family didn't even know everything that was going on right now.
McKenzie swallowed thickly when Jensen admitted to being worried. Jensen wasn't one who normally admitted to those sorts of things. "How's Jay?" She asked and Jensen could hear the sadness and worry in her voice.
"He's alright," Jensen answered. His sister didn't need to know about the details of Jared's nightmares or such. McKenzie was unsurprisingly pretty close to Meghan and Jensen didn't want this stuff getting back to Jared's own little sister. "He um... what have mom and dad told you?" He asked.
"That a fucking psycho broke in and raped Jay" McKenzie said, obviously angry. She loved her brother-in-law like he was her own brother and it pissed her off to no end to think about this. And then what Meghan and Jeff were going through... she thought it was safe to say that everybody was suffering right now. "Please tell me his face is broken right now!"
"I hope so too." Jensen understood where she was coming from and he was hoping that the guy was getting his ass kicked in jail right now.
"I have to go but will you give Jay a hug for me?" McKenzie asked after there had been silence between the two of them for a few minutes. "From all of us? We all miss you guys."
"I will. We miss you guys too." Jensen responded sincerely. For the past few weeks, ever since his and Jared's parents had left they'd mainly been dealing with this on their own and it was extremely taxing. Jensen continued to sit on the floor, his phone resting in his lap when he heard the garage door open and Jared joined him.
"How's it coming in here?" Jared asked nervously. He had left Jensen alone for the past two hours while he hung up their clothes and little things like that. He knew that Jensen would have killed him if he had walked in and found Jared doing "hazardous" tasks.
"Good," Jensen answered without looking at his husband. He was trying to be patient and to give his husband the necessary time but he couldn't deny the fact that he was still attracted to the man. He didn't want to scare Jared or make him feel pressured for anything. "Mac called, wanted to know how we were doing." He offered as he stood and leaned against his workbench.
"Oh," Jared replied, slightly surprised. Jeff had called him a couple of days ago to "catch up" is what his brother had said. Jared had been glad to hear from him and find out how his little nephews were doing. He knew that Jeff had known about his rape but he was happy that his brother hadn't brought it up though. "What did you tell her?"
"Not much, I said that it was tough but that we were doing alright." Jensen explained, finally lifting his head to look at Jared. His husband was standing in the doorway with his arms wrapped protectively around himself. Jensen had to admit that he looked pretty miserable.
Jared nodded, biting his lip as he wondered how his own little sister was doing. "Did um... did she say anything about Megs?" He wondered.
Jensen shook his head no before he sighed and walked over to Jay.
"Are you mad at me? Did I do something this morning, you just kind of left." Jared whispered worriedly as he tried to think of how he had acted this morning.
"No Jay, I'm not mad and... and I left because I just needed a couple minutes to myself is all." Jensen had thought he'd reassured Jared last night but apparently he'd backtracked this morning.
"Oh, okay." Jared decided to take a chance and believe his husband. Jensen always had liked to have some alone time so maybe he was telling the truth. "I um... I started on our bedroom. I was gonna do Ty's next... get it done before he comes home."
Jensen smiled knowingly. He was sure that if they left those boxes until Wednesday, Tyler would just dig through them to find only what he wanted to play with and not actually put his room together. "I'll come help you."
"Thanks," Jared nodded appreciatively and led the way out of the garage.
"No problem," Jensen replied as he vowed to himself to try to not backtrack like that again. "So where do you want to start?"
"His closet, I know it's going to be messy soon but if we can get at least some things organized, it'll be a big help." Jared explained.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen and Jared both paused from putting the final touches on Tyler's room when they heard the doorbell ring a couple of hours later. "I'll get it." Jensen offered as he wondered who it could be. The cable and internet companies had already been out today so they weren't expecting anyone.
Jared nodded, watching as Jensen walked out of Tyler's room. He chose to stay behind, wary of who was at the door and what they wanted. "Why can't I trust people right now?" He muttered to himself, feeling rather annoyed. A few minutes later, Jared heard the sound of Jensen shutting the door and his returning footsteps. "Who was that?" He asked feeling a little anxious.
"Ah, some neighbors." Jensen answered. "Mark and Kathy, they live next door."
"Oh..." Jared didn't mean to be ungrateful but he hoped that they wouldn't suddenly have a flow of welcomers. He wasn't sure if he could handle that right now.
"They just wanted to welcome us to the neighborhood. They've got a couple kids... asked if we did too. Told 'em Ty wasn't home right now but thanks anyhow for stopping by." Jensen explained. "Babe, what is it?" He asked when he saw Jared looking forlornly at the bed.
"Just kind of wished I'd have said hi to them," Jared replied.
"They were only here for five minutes at the most, don't feel weird." Jensen tried to reassure.
Jared nodded though he had avoided looking Jensen in the eye.
Jensen sighed and decided to take a chance as he walked to where Jared was standing. He wrapped his arms around his husband, feeling happy when he felt Jared's bump brush against his own stomach. "You know the room looks pretty good, wanna take a break?" He suggested. Jensen didn't like how sad Jared looked right now and he wanted to do something to cheer him up or at the very least distract him. He didn't think standing here and unpacking was what was going to do that.
After a moment Jared nodded as he relaxed in Jensen's hold. "What do you wanna do?" Truthfully, he didn't have the energy to unpack right now.
"I don't know... we could take a drive up to Skyline. We haven't gone up there in a while and it's a nice day." Jensen suggested.
"Okay, um just let me go to the bathroom and then we can go." He agreed as he stepped away from his husband.
"Okay, take your time. We're not in any rush." He reassured before he headed out to his car and the garage. He wanted this to be special, even if it was only a spur of the moment thing. He still wanted it to be a nice date for the two of them. They hadn't gone out on a date in a while and Jensen thought that maybe that was part of the problem. Well, he was determined to fix that.
About twenty minutes later, Jensen heard footsteps coming closer and he hurriedly closed the trunk, wanting it to be a surprise. "You ready to go?" He asked.
Jared nodded, giving Jensen a shy little smile as he climbed into the front passenger seat of his SUV.
"Great," Jensen smiled back before he climbed into the car as well. Once he had pulled out of the driveway and was on the road, he gently laid a hand on Jared's upper leg. He hoped that his husband was okay with that but considering that Jared hadn't flinched or wasn't trying to move away from him, he was going to take that as a good sign.
They fell into an easy and peaceful silence during the thirty to forty minute drive up to Skyline. Skyline was a large, beautiful wooded stretch of area in the Saratoga hills. It was surrounded by Redwood trees and a lot of wildlife like deer, raccoons, and skunks lived there. It was a common place for families to go camping and hiking and also had lots of picnic areas.
Jensen smiled softly when he pulled up to the very top of Skyline and he could see all across the valley. He gently squeezed his husband's thigh and looked over at him. "Baby, wake up. We're here." He said softly, gently shaking Jared awake.
"Hmm..." Jared groaned softly as he reached up to wipe a hand across his eyes. "Hey," He smiled sleepily.
"Hey," Jensen grinned back before he opened his car door and then walked around to the trunk to grab the things he'd packed. He hadn't been able to find the picnic basket on such short notice but he did have an ice chest with some sandwiches and drinks. Honestly, the food didn't matter to him so much. He mostly just wanted to spend some time with the other man.
"Aw, sweet." Jared let out a small laugh when he saw Jensen unloading the make-shift picnic basket from the trunk of the car.
Jensen blushed self-consciously and shrugged his shoulders. Being a bit romantic right now seemed kind of in order. "Yeah, yeah," He grumbled, his cheeks still red with embarrassment as he laid down the packing blanket. Jensen was also happy that they were the only ones around.
Jared laughed a little more causing Jensen to start to relax. At least his husband seemed happy right now. Enduring a small bit of teasing was more than worth it. "Come here," He encouraged once everything had been set out.
Jared remained smiling as he walked over to his husband and sat down on the blanket that Jensen had laid out for them. "So, what's for lunch?" He asked after his stomach had let out a small grumble. He hadn't really eaten anything for the entire day and he was starting to feel the consequences of that. He had a small headache but he hoped just getting a bit of food into his stomach would help him feel better.
"Your favorite," Jensen grinned as he handed Jared one of the tomato sandwiches he figured his husband was probably craving right about now.
"Thanks," Jared hungrily reached for the sandwich and took a large bite, moaning at the taste. "You're amazing, have I ever told you that?" He asked, a little surprised by the fact that he was feeling a little on the flirty side right now. He was still self-conscious about everything and a part of himself knew that he had increased hormones running through his body right now but it still shocked him. He honestly hadn't thought that he would have felt much like flirting.
"I think I may have heard that once or twice before," Jensen was surprised by the sudden turn around of Jared's behavior but he certainly wasn't about to comment on it or complain. Pulling out his roast beef sandwich, Jensen took a seat next to Jared and put one arm around him. "Love you baby." He smiled, pressing a kiss to Jared's temple as the two of them continued to enjoy their little spur of the moment but much needed date.
A little while had passed with the two of them sitting silently beside each other when Jared moved to lay down and put his head in Jensen's lap. Jensen smiled down at his husband and gently ran his fingers through Jared's hair. "Thanks for taking me up here." Jared murmured quietly, unwilling to disturb the sense of peace he was feeling.
"I'm just glad you wanted to come with me." Jensen replied honestly. He knew that the next week or so were going to be probably very draining on his husband and he wanted to do what he could to lessen that. Jared's attacker was set to be sentenced this coming week and Jensen was extremely nervous about how that would go. 'Don't think about that' Jensen told himself, wanting this afternoon to be only him and Jared and nobody else.
Jared let out a soft and sleepy sound as he cuddled in a little bit closer to his husband. As nervous as he still felt about certain things, he'd never stopped feeling safe around Jensen. And especially so since they had started actually talking again. Rolling over onto his back, Jared opened his eyes and reached for Jensen's hand, linking their fingers together.
Leaning down without saying a word, Jensen pressed his lips to Jared's and kissed him. He could feel Jared's grip on his hand tightening but after a moment, Jared relaxed and allowed the kiss to continue. Being in somewhat of an awkward position, Jensen broke the kiss and moved to lay down beside Jared before he pulled his husband closer to him.
Jared looked at Jensen with shy eyes. "K... kiss me, please?" He asked in a shaky voice. He wanted Jensen but he still felt extremely nervous at the thought of sex with him which was really quite silly because hello, they did have a child together! But he couldn't help it or the fact that he wanted to reconnect with him on some level. All in all, he felt very confused and conflicted.
A rush of lust filled Jensen when he heard his husband's request and he also felt immensely relieved. Having Jared ask for physical and intimate affection like that felt like a major victory. Jensen knew that some people might think he sounded like a horny teenager but that was the best thing he'd heard in a while. It meant Jared still wanted him and still trusted him, at least on some level. Jensen couldn't help the low, heated growl that came from him as he moved in closer for a second time and kissed Jared just like he had asked. It had been way too damn long since he'd been able to do this he thought as they lost themselves for a moment or two. "Love you so much baby," He said huskily and pressing another but sweeter kiss to Jared's neck. He wanted to do more, he wanted to run his hands over his husband's body but he wasn't sure that Jared wanted that and he wasn't willing to risk loosing this precious ground.
Jared felt Jensen nuzzle at the soft skin of his neck and he tilted his head to the side, granting Jensen the access he wanted. "Hmm..." He moaned softly. It felt good to know that Jensen still wanted to do this and still wanted him in such an intimate way. And maybe it was selfish of him but even though he knew he wasn't ready to let Jensen travel below his waist-line, he really didn't want to stop him either. "Jen," Jared said as he squeezed his husband's hands again trying to regain his attention.
"Yeah Jay?" Jensen murmured back even as he kept doting kisses along Jared's neck and jaw.
"Um..." Jensen looked up when he heard the nervousness in Jared's voice.
"You okay? Want me to stop?" Jensen asked as he started to pull away. He didn't want to stop but if Jared had had enough then he would. He wouldn't push him for more than he was ready for.
Jared shook his head making Jensen sigh in relief internally. "No, no... this... this is fine but just..." He drifted off, his eyes lowering to the ground.
"Just what baby?" Jensen asked, his voice soft and compassionate now as he laid down on his side next to Jared. Reaching up with his free hand, Jensen gently tucked some of Jared's hair behind his ear.
"Can um... can you keep it above my waist?" Jared whispered, feeling embarrassed. He should be able to trust Jensen to do whatever. He should be able to know that Jensen would never do anything to intentionally hurt him but he couldn't help that little nagging voice that was in the back of his mind that said otherwise.
Jensen instantly nodded. "We'll do whatever you want, okay? Whenever you want me stop, I will." He said seriously causing Jared to nod back at him, a worried look on his face. Jensen wanted to make Jared smile again so he grinned and kissed his husband. "Now where was I?" He asked before he returned his attention to Jared's neck. Jensen felt relieved when he felt Jared relax once more and he even let out a small groan. Determined to keep those noises coming, Jensen continued all the while paying attention to the way Jared was reacting.
~JA/JP-A~
"So this is the new house?" Tyler asked, mildly excited when his dad pulled into the driveway a couple of days later. He had just returned from his camping trip with Brendan and his parents and he was excited to be back home with his daddies. Even if they were going to a new house.
Jared turned around in his seat and nodded. "Yup, what do you think?" He asked, feeling nervous. He was really hoping that Tyler would be happy here.
Tyler shrugged. "Can I still go to my school?" He asked, sounding a little worried to Jared's ears.
"Of course baby. C'mon, let's go see your room." Jared encouraged after he'd parked the car and was leading the way inside the house. A part of himself was grateful that their neighbors didn't seem to be around right now as he would really prefer to meet them with Jensen. He hated that he still felt compelled to turn the alarm on despite it being the middle of the day. Walking down the hall, Jared smiled as he stood outside the room he and Jensen had finished putting together a few days before. They had tried to make it look pretty much exactly as it had at their old house, hopeful that that would make the transition a little easier. "What do you think?" He asked when Tyler hadn't said anything.
"This is my room?" He asked, a little smile on his face.
"Yup," Jared nodded in response.
"It's big." Tyler's smile widened, happy to once again have his own room. "Daddy?" He wondered, biting his lip nervously.
"Yes baby," Jared replied, relieved that Tyler seemed to be liking the house. That was going to make his life a hell of a lot easier.
"Where's the baby going to sleep?" He asked curiously as he turned back around to look at a couple of the closed doors.
Jared's eyes widened in surprise. How did Tyler know about the baby? He and Jensen hadn't told him about it yet and they had been careful, or well at least he had thought they had been careful, to not talk about the baby around Tyler. "Wh... what?" He stuttered, sure that he hadn't heard Tyler right.
"The baby, which room is theirs?" He asked, curious as to where either his little brother or sister was going to sleep.
"Um..." Jared hesitated, trying to think of an appropriate answer. He still wasn't necessarily out of the danger zone so to speak so they were holding off on making the announcement but it was obvious that he couldn't hide it from his son any longer. Jared wished that Jensen was home and that he could be having this conversation with him but it was obvious that that wasn't going to happen. "Well, Ty... papa and I were thinking that the baby would have that room." Jared said pointing to the closed door across the hall. He still wasn't completely convinced that he was going to keep the baby or if he even should but he wasn't about to start discussing adoption with his eight-year-old.
"Good, the baby needs a room." Tyler said decidedly before he walked over to his closet and grabbed his portable play station.
Jared silently observed his son for a few minutes, wishing that he had a bit of Tyler's apparent enthusisasm. "Ty, who told you about the baby?" He asked, wanting to know if Jensen had discussed it without him.
"Nobody. I heard you and papa talking at the hotel. You guys thought I was asleep." Tyler explained, oblivious to his dad's confusion.
'Fantastic!' Jared thought sarcastically to himself. Jared walked over to the bed and took a seat beside his son. "Ty, I need to talk to you for a second okay?" His tone was nervous and serious at the same time and he was hoping that Tyler only picked up on the serious part.
"What is it?" Tyler asked as he continued playing his video game.
"Look at me honey," Jared ordered waiting until he had his son's full attention. "Papa and I are having a baby but we don't want to tell anybody yet. It's still a secret so can we just keep it in between the three of us for right now?"
Tyler nodded. "I won't tell anybody, I promise daddy." Tyler responded sincerely.
"Thanks kiddo," Jared said feeling a little relieved. He knew that there was still a chance that Tyler might slip up and mention it to somebody but at least he had talked to him about it a little. "Papa and I'll let you know when we can tell people."
"Daddy?" Tyler asked cautiously after a minute.
Jared paused from standing up from the bed. "Yes Ty?" He asked, wondering what Tyler was going to ask.
"Are you mad that I know about the baby? You were crying when you told papa." Tyler said in a scared voice.
"No baby, no. I'm not mad, just surprised." Jared replied after a moment. "And... and I was crying because I was nervous. I didn't know what Papa would say." He decided to explain.
"Are you still nervous?" Tyler asked and Jared thought that he seemed much older than eight right now.
Jared thought about it. He could lie and his son probably wouldn't know the difference or he could sit down and actually talk to his son. Hesitating slightly, Jared decided to go with the latter option. "I am." He nodded as he retook his seat. Jared watched as Tyler put his video game down and moved to sit cross-legged on the bed.
"Why?" He asked innocently.
"Well..." Jared drifted off as he bit his lip. This was the tricky part. "I'm nervous because I want the baby to be okay and I'm not really sure what's going to happen."
"Why wouldn't the baby be okay?" Tyler questioned causing Jared to think again. He didn't exactly have the answers to these questions. At least not in a way that would be easy to convey to an eight year old.
"Well, um..." He and Jensen hadn't explained to Tyler that he had miscarried once before since their son hadn't even known he was expecting at the time. "See Ty, after you were born, papa and I decided we wanted to have more kids and it took a while but I got pregnant a second time and then something happened," Jared paused, trying to fight back tears. He wasn't going to cry about this, at least not right now.
"What happened?" Tyler pushed, interested and curious about what his dad had to say.
Jared collected himself and continued after a moment, hoping to hell that he was explaining this in a way that his son would understand. "The baby got really sick and... well, we weren't able to have a second baby."
"Because the baby died?" Tyler guessed. He had dealt with death once before when Jensen's grandma had passed away so he had some knowledge of it.
Jared nodded. "Yeah Ty, the baby died and... and I guess I'm just scared still." He sniffled and tried to give his son a reassuring smile.
"I'm sorry daddy," Tyler apologized as he moved to hug his dad. He could tell that his daddy was upset and he wanted to help him feel better.
"Thanks baby but you don't need to say sorry, you didn't do anything wrong." Jared reassured as he returned the hug. Bringing one hand up to his face, Jared wiped his eyes and continued. "So that's why papa and I don't want to tell anybody about the baby just yet. Once we know the baby's okay then we'll go ahead and tell people, alright? So for now, it's just our little secret." He finished. If Tyler had more questions then hopefully they could wait until this evening when Jensen arrived home.
Tyler nodded and before Jared knew what he was doing, Tyler was laying his small hand on Jared's t-shirt clad stomach. "I love you daddy."
"Love you too buddy." Jared said, smiling again as he looked down at his son and thought about just how incredibly lucky he was to have a kid like Tyler.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks for reading! I hope everyone enjoys the chapter and I look forward to hearing what you all have to say. I was going to have this (and my other stories) up sooner but I got distracted with the Holiday and having my grandparents here. I'll try to update ASAP :)
Rating: NC-17
Author: kelzm1989
Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Spoilers: none
Warnings: Rape/non-con, mpreg
Word Count: 5877
Summary: Based on this prompt: Jensen and Jared live together but Jensen is away on a bussiness trip and Jared is alone at home with their son when a stranger breaks in. Jared is attacked and raped and the son doesn't know what happened but he calls for help. Jensen finds out, he's worried and feeling guilty because when he left, him and Jared were fighting.
Disclaimer: This is pure imagination and let's hope that neither guy ever actually does go through this. I swear I want them to be safe... I just have a bit of a messed up mind, is all ;)
Jared rolled over slowly in the bed and groaned, feeling like he hadn't actually just slept for the past nine hours. This pregnancy was taking a lot out of him physically and compounded with everything else, he was just exhausted. He was grateful though when he wasn't hit with a sudden bout of nausea. Waking up and feeling like you were on a rocking sailboat could get old very fast and this time, he wasn't even happy about the cause of his nausea. Rubbing his eyes and realizing that he was alone in the bedroom, Jared began to wonder where his husband was as it was the last day of the weekend and he knew that normally, Jensen would still be fast asleep. "Jen?" Jared wondered out loud before he noticed the scrap of paper that was lying on his husbands pillow. It answered his question and caused him to smile a little.
Deciding to take a shower before Jensen arrived back home from grocery shopping, Jared dug through one of the boxes labeled 'Bathroom' and found a towel as well as the shampoo and soap. Jared paused as he closed the bedroom door, wondering if he should lock it or not. 'It's okay, you're safe.' He told himself, deciding to leave the door unlocked. He wanted to stop feeling so controlled by his fears and paranoia. He still felt vulnerable though as he turned the shower water on and began to strip out of his pajamas, sneaking glances behind himself every now and then.
Jared swallowed thickly once he was completely naked and he accidentally caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. Almost against his will, his hand drifted down to rest right under his belly button. It was still on the smaller side and able to be hidden beneath clothing but to him the soft beginning swell of his stomach was glaringly obvious. He felt like he might as well have a giant red arrow pointing to his stomach. Jared felt as if his growing stomach was taunting him, like it was a constant reminder of his nightmares and what he'd gone through that night.
There was a part of him that knew this baby, his baby, was innocent in everything that had happened recently but he couldn't help wishing that he wasn't pregnant. He felt beyond guilty for even thinking that. Jared could remember Jensen tracking the growth of his stomach when they'd been expecting Tyler but the thought of doing that now made him sick.
'Why am I so ungrateful?' He asked himself. Jared knew how hard it was sometimes to get pregnant and to let alone stay pregnant and here he was, expecting with a child he wasn't sure about. He had been serious last night though when he had told Jensen his fear about possibly losing the baby. Even if this child was his rapists', he knew he couldn't handle another miscarriage. The physical pain had been enough to bring him to his knees on their kitchen floor and just knowing that he apparently wasn't capable of carrying a second child... it was devastating. It made him feel like a failure and an unfit parent. He had essentially failed their baby before it had even taken its first breath.
Despite what everyone had tried to tell him since it had happened, Jared blamed himself for the loss of their baby though he had thought he'd been doing everything right. He'd been taking his prenatal meds and exercising regularly. He hadn't had a drop of alcohol to drink since he'd found out and he'd never smoked a day in his life... what had he done wrong? And why was he still being punished? Jared sniffled and wiped a hand under his nose, not even realizing that he had started crying. 'Please don't let me lose this one too' He silently prayed because even though he wasn't sure if he could love this child, he was sure that there was somebody out there who could. And what if by some chance it was Jensen's? Dr. Morgan had put the baby's conception at two weeks prior to his rape so he knew it was a possibility but he was too scared to believe that.
Hearing the front door open snapped Jared out of his thoughts and he paused again, hoping like hell that Jensen had remembered to lock the front door when he'd left. 'Please let it be him' He silently pleaded to whoever was listening. Jared felt so paranoid but he only calmed down once he heard the familiar sound of his husband singing softly in the kitchen. Though he was quickly filled with a sense of anxiety and he scrambled to get in the shower.
He couldn't let Jensen see him like this and he sure as hell couldn't tell him what he was thinking. Jared knew how excited Jensen was about the baby and he knew his husband would be crushed and furious if he told him he was thinking about possibly giving it up for adoption. Truth be told, he was surprised that he hadn't received any calls from either his mom or his mother-in-law congratulating him. He hadn't thought that Jensen would actually be able to keep it a secret, especially not for this long.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen was busy putting the groceries away, feeling pretty decent this morning. Granted, they had had a rough start to the night but over all he felt kind of hopeful. He certainly hadn't expected Jared to raise concerns over the baby's well-being but it was nice to see and hear that. He chuckled a little to himself as he put away the jar of pickles and then the bottle of chocolate sauce that he had bought. Jared may not have requested those items yet but he was stocking up on them just in case. "Hey," Jensen smiled, finishing putting away the last of the items he'd bought when Jared walked out.
"Mornin'" Jared greeted back, leaning against the kitchen entryway. "Thanks for the note." He smiled, just as his stomach grumbled.
Jensen just smiled in return. "What do you feel like?" He asked, knowing that could potentially be a loaded question considering who he was talking to. "I'll make us some breakfast and then we can do some more unpacking?"
Jared nodded. "Sounds good," He felt himself get a little flirty and it took him by surprise. "So what are you going to make me?" He asked in an almost teasing voice.
Jensen grinned at Jared's question, hoping that last night had helped to give Jared just a tiny bit of his confidence back. He had meant it when he had said that their previous fights didn't matter. When he had seen Jared lying in the tub, he had been terrified that his husband was dead and the only thing he could think of was how much he needed him. "Absolutely anything you want." Jensen replied, looking at Jared expectantly.
"Can I have some cereal and toast then please?" Jared knew his order was simple but he didn't want to risk his currently pleasant stomach.
Jensen laughed. "Yeah, I think I can manage that." He teased before he set to work. "You're ah... you're feeling okay this morning though?" He asked after he'd popped two pieces of bread into the toaster.
Jared nodded. "Surprisingly, yes."
"Hmm, well maybe we're past that part now." Jensen wondered out loud hopefully. Watching Jared experience morning sickness was not something he enjoyed. There were other pregnancy symptoms that he loved, Jared's increased libido was one of them. Jensen turned around as a blush covered his cheeks and a wave of guilt hit him. He knew Jared wasn't ready for sex, hell they had barely kissed! And here he was, excited about the prospect of his husband having an increased sex drive?! What was wrong with him? Hurrying to turn around before he could make Jared uncomfortable, Jensen finished preparing breakfast and then headed down the hall, needing to get some space.
"Jen?" Jared asked, feeling suddenly unsure of himself. He didn't know what had happened in the last few minutes but he could tell that his husband was upset about something.
"I'm um... I'm gonna go unpack." Jensen supplied before leaving for the garage.
Jared felt his appetite disappear and he wanted to go see if it was something he'd said or done but he wasn't sure that was a good idea right now. Maybe Jensen just needed some space from him. He cleared his dishes and then headed into his bedroom, trying to distract himself.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen had been busy in the garage, unpacking all of his tools and arranging them in their proper places when he felt his cell phone buzz in his pocket. "Hi Mac," He answered, placing the phone in between his ear and shoulder as he continued to work. Honestly, he was a little surprised to be hearing from his sister on a random Sunday.
"Hey Jen," McKenzie smiled back through the other end of the line.
"What's up?" He asked, curious as to the reason for this call.
"Just calling to see how my big brother was doing, that's all." She explained nonchalantly.
"I'm fine Mac, you don't need to check on me." Jensen said, slightly irritated because the truth was he wasn't fine. He was trying here but he wasn't sure if he was doing things right by Jared and their family or if he was just making matters worse for everyone.
"Un-hunh, I believe you." It was obvious that McKenzie wasn't buying it and Jensen knew that he wasn't going to be getting off easy with this conversation. "But seriously Jen, how are things? I mean, mom and dad have been keeping us all informed but well... I'm worried."
Jensen nodded, finally setting down his tools and moving to sit on the cluttered floor. "I know Mac, we all are." And his family didn't even know everything that was going on right now.
McKenzie swallowed thickly when Jensen admitted to being worried. Jensen wasn't one who normally admitted to those sorts of things. "How's Jay?" She asked and Jensen could hear the sadness and worry in her voice.
"He's alright," Jensen answered. His sister didn't need to know about the details of Jared's nightmares or such. McKenzie was unsurprisingly pretty close to Meghan and Jensen didn't want this stuff getting back to Jared's own little sister. "He um... what have mom and dad told you?" He asked.
"That a fucking psycho broke in and raped Jay" McKenzie said, obviously angry. She loved her brother-in-law like he was her own brother and it pissed her off to no end to think about this. And then what Meghan and Jeff were going through... she thought it was safe to say that everybody was suffering right now. "Please tell me his face is broken right now!"
"I hope so too." Jensen understood where she was coming from and he was hoping that the guy was getting his ass kicked in jail right now.
"I have to go but will you give Jay a hug for me?" McKenzie asked after there had been silence between the two of them for a few minutes. "From all of us? We all miss you guys."
"I will. We miss you guys too." Jensen responded sincerely. For the past few weeks, ever since his and Jared's parents had left they'd mainly been dealing with this on their own and it was extremely taxing. Jensen continued to sit on the floor, his phone resting in his lap when he heard the garage door open and Jared joined him.
"How's it coming in here?" Jared asked nervously. He had left Jensen alone for the past two hours while he hung up their clothes and little things like that. He knew that Jensen would have killed him if he had walked in and found Jared doing "hazardous" tasks.
"Good," Jensen answered without looking at his husband. He was trying to be patient and to give his husband the necessary time but he couldn't deny the fact that he was still attracted to the man. He didn't want to scare Jared or make him feel pressured for anything. "Mac called, wanted to know how we were doing." He offered as he stood and leaned against his workbench.
"Oh," Jared replied, slightly surprised. Jeff had called him a couple of days ago to "catch up" is what his brother had said. Jared had been glad to hear from him and find out how his little nephews were doing. He knew that Jeff had known about his rape but he was happy that his brother hadn't brought it up though. "What did you tell her?"
"Not much, I said that it was tough but that we were doing alright." Jensen explained, finally lifting his head to look at Jared. His husband was standing in the doorway with his arms wrapped protectively around himself. Jensen had to admit that he looked pretty miserable.
Jared nodded, biting his lip as he wondered how his own little sister was doing. "Did um... did she say anything about Megs?" He wondered.
Jensen shook his head no before he sighed and walked over to Jay.
"Are you mad at me? Did I do something this morning, you just kind of left." Jared whispered worriedly as he tried to think of how he had acted this morning.
"No Jay, I'm not mad and... and I left because I just needed a couple minutes to myself is all." Jensen had thought he'd reassured Jared last night but apparently he'd backtracked this morning.
"Oh, okay." Jared decided to take a chance and believe his husband. Jensen always had liked to have some alone time so maybe he was telling the truth. "I um... I started on our bedroom. I was gonna do Ty's next... get it done before he comes home."
Jensen smiled knowingly. He was sure that if they left those boxes until Wednesday, Tyler would just dig through them to find only what he wanted to play with and not actually put his room together. "I'll come help you."
"Thanks," Jared nodded appreciatively and led the way out of the garage.
"No problem," Jensen replied as he vowed to himself to try to not backtrack like that again. "So where do you want to start?"
"His closet, I know it's going to be messy soon but if we can get at least some things organized, it'll be a big help." Jared explained.
~JA/JP-A~
Jensen and Jared both paused from putting the final touches on Tyler's room when they heard the doorbell ring a couple of hours later. "I'll get it." Jensen offered as he wondered who it could be. The cable and internet companies had already been out today so they weren't expecting anyone.
Jared nodded, watching as Jensen walked out of Tyler's room. He chose to stay behind, wary of who was at the door and what they wanted. "Why can't I trust people right now?" He muttered to himself, feeling rather annoyed. A few minutes later, Jared heard the sound of Jensen shutting the door and his returning footsteps. "Who was that?" He asked feeling a little anxious.
"Ah, some neighbors." Jensen answered. "Mark and Kathy, they live next door."
"Oh..." Jared didn't mean to be ungrateful but he hoped that they wouldn't suddenly have a flow of welcomers. He wasn't sure if he could handle that right now.
"They just wanted to welcome us to the neighborhood. They've got a couple kids... asked if we did too. Told 'em Ty wasn't home right now but thanks anyhow for stopping by." Jensen explained. "Babe, what is it?" He asked when he saw Jared looking forlornly at the bed.
"Just kind of wished I'd have said hi to them," Jared replied.
"They were only here for five minutes at the most, don't feel weird." Jensen tried to reassure.
Jared nodded though he had avoided looking Jensen in the eye.
Jensen sighed and decided to take a chance as he walked to where Jared was standing. He wrapped his arms around his husband, feeling happy when he felt Jared's bump brush against his own stomach. "You know the room looks pretty good, wanna take a break?" He suggested. Jensen didn't like how sad Jared looked right now and he wanted to do something to cheer him up or at the very least distract him. He didn't think standing here and unpacking was what was going to do that.
After a moment Jared nodded as he relaxed in Jensen's hold. "What do you wanna do?" Truthfully, he didn't have the energy to unpack right now.
"I don't know... we could take a drive up to Skyline. We haven't gone up there in a while and it's a nice day." Jensen suggested.
"Okay, um just let me go to the bathroom and then we can go." He agreed as he stepped away from his husband.
"Okay, take your time. We're not in any rush." He reassured before he headed out to his car and the garage. He wanted this to be special, even if it was only a spur of the moment thing. He still wanted it to be a nice date for the two of them. They hadn't gone out on a date in a while and Jensen thought that maybe that was part of the problem. Well, he was determined to fix that.
About twenty minutes later, Jensen heard footsteps coming closer and he hurriedly closed the trunk, wanting it to be a surprise. "You ready to go?" He asked.
Jared nodded, giving Jensen a shy little smile as he climbed into the front passenger seat of his SUV.
"Great," Jensen smiled back before he climbed into the car as well. Once he had pulled out of the driveway and was on the road, he gently laid a hand on Jared's upper leg. He hoped that his husband was okay with that but considering that Jared hadn't flinched or wasn't trying to move away from him, he was going to take that as a good sign.
They fell into an easy and peaceful silence during the thirty to forty minute drive up to Skyline. Skyline was a large, beautiful wooded stretch of area in the Saratoga hills. It was surrounded by Redwood trees and a lot of wildlife like deer, raccoons, and skunks lived there. It was a common place for families to go camping and hiking and also had lots of picnic areas.
Jensen smiled softly when he pulled up to the very top of Skyline and he could see all across the valley. He gently squeezed his husband's thigh and looked over at him. "Baby, wake up. We're here." He said softly, gently shaking Jared awake.
"Hmm..." Jared groaned softly as he reached up to wipe a hand across his eyes. "Hey," He smiled sleepily.
"Hey," Jensen grinned back before he opened his car door and then walked around to the trunk to grab the things he'd packed. He hadn't been able to find the picnic basket on such short notice but he did have an ice chest with some sandwiches and drinks. Honestly, the food didn't matter to him so much. He mostly just wanted to spend some time with the other man.
"Aw, sweet." Jared let out a small laugh when he saw Jensen unloading the make-shift picnic basket from the trunk of the car.
Jensen blushed self-consciously and shrugged his shoulders. Being a bit romantic right now seemed kind of in order. "Yeah, yeah," He grumbled, his cheeks still red with embarrassment as he laid down the packing blanket. Jensen was also happy that they were the only ones around.
Jared laughed a little more causing Jensen to start to relax. At least his husband seemed happy right now. Enduring a small bit of teasing was more than worth it. "Come here," He encouraged once everything had been set out.
Jared remained smiling as he walked over to his husband and sat down on the blanket that Jensen had laid out for them. "So, what's for lunch?" He asked after his stomach had let out a small grumble. He hadn't really eaten anything for the entire day and he was starting to feel the consequences of that. He had a small headache but he hoped just getting a bit of food into his stomach would help him feel better.
"Your favorite," Jensen grinned as he handed Jared one of the tomato sandwiches he figured his husband was probably craving right about now.
"Thanks," Jared hungrily reached for the sandwich and took a large bite, moaning at the taste. "You're amazing, have I ever told you that?" He asked, a little surprised by the fact that he was feeling a little on the flirty side right now. He was still self-conscious about everything and a part of himself knew that he had increased hormones running through his body right now but it still shocked him. He honestly hadn't thought that he would have felt much like flirting.
"I think I may have heard that once or twice before," Jensen was surprised by the sudden turn around of Jared's behavior but he certainly wasn't about to comment on it or complain. Pulling out his roast beef sandwich, Jensen took a seat next to Jared and put one arm around him. "Love you baby." He smiled, pressing a kiss to Jared's temple as the two of them continued to enjoy their little spur of the moment but much needed date.
A little while had passed with the two of them sitting silently beside each other when Jared moved to lay down and put his head in Jensen's lap. Jensen smiled down at his husband and gently ran his fingers through Jared's hair. "Thanks for taking me up here." Jared murmured quietly, unwilling to disturb the sense of peace he was feeling.
"I'm just glad you wanted to come with me." Jensen replied honestly. He knew that the next week or so were going to be probably very draining on his husband and he wanted to do what he could to lessen that. Jared's attacker was set to be sentenced this coming week and Jensen was extremely nervous about how that would go. 'Don't think about that' Jensen told himself, wanting this afternoon to be only him and Jared and nobody else.
Jared let out a soft and sleepy sound as he cuddled in a little bit closer to his husband. As nervous as he still felt about certain things, he'd never stopped feeling safe around Jensen. And especially so since they had started actually talking again. Rolling over onto his back, Jared opened his eyes and reached for Jensen's hand, linking their fingers together.
Leaning down without saying a word, Jensen pressed his lips to Jared's and kissed him. He could feel Jared's grip on his hand tightening but after a moment, Jared relaxed and allowed the kiss to continue. Being in somewhat of an awkward position, Jensen broke the kiss and moved to lay down beside Jared before he pulled his husband closer to him.
Jared looked at Jensen with shy eyes. "K... kiss me, please?" He asked in a shaky voice. He wanted Jensen but he still felt extremely nervous at the thought of sex with him which was really quite silly because hello, they did have a child together! But he couldn't help it or the fact that he wanted to reconnect with him on some level. All in all, he felt very confused and conflicted.
A rush of lust filled Jensen when he heard his husband's request and he also felt immensely relieved. Having Jared ask for physical and intimate affection like that felt like a major victory. Jensen knew that some people might think he sounded like a horny teenager but that was the best thing he'd heard in a while. It meant Jared still wanted him and still trusted him, at least on some level. Jensen couldn't help the low, heated growl that came from him as he moved in closer for a second time and kissed Jared just like he had asked. It had been way too damn long since he'd been able to do this he thought as they lost themselves for a moment or two. "Love you so much baby," He said huskily and pressing another but sweeter kiss to Jared's neck. He wanted to do more, he wanted to run his hands over his husband's body but he wasn't sure that Jared wanted that and he wasn't willing to risk loosing this precious ground.
Jared felt Jensen nuzzle at the soft skin of his neck and he tilted his head to the side, granting Jensen the access he wanted. "Hmm..." He moaned softly. It felt good to know that Jensen still wanted to do this and still wanted him in such an intimate way. And maybe it was selfish of him but even though he knew he wasn't ready to let Jensen travel below his waist-line, he really didn't want to stop him either. "Jen," Jared said as he squeezed his husband's hands again trying to regain his attention.
"Yeah Jay?" Jensen murmured back even as he kept doting kisses along Jared's neck and jaw.
"Um..." Jensen looked up when he heard the nervousness in Jared's voice.
"You okay? Want me to stop?" Jensen asked as he started to pull away. He didn't want to stop but if Jared had had enough then he would. He wouldn't push him for more than he was ready for.
Jared shook his head making Jensen sigh in relief internally. "No, no... this... this is fine but just..." He drifted off, his eyes lowering to the ground.
"Just what baby?" Jensen asked, his voice soft and compassionate now as he laid down on his side next to Jared. Reaching up with his free hand, Jensen gently tucked some of Jared's hair behind his ear.
"Can um... can you keep it above my waist?" Jared whispered, feeling embarrassed. He should be able to trust Jensen to do whatever. He should be able to know that Jensen would never do anything to intentionally hurt him but he couldn't help that little nagging voice that was in the back of his mind that said otherwise.
Jensen instantly nodded. "We'll do whatever you want, okay? Whenever you want me stop, I will." He said seriously causing Jared to nod back at him, a worried look on his face. Jensen wanted to make Jared smile again so he grinned and kissed his husband. "Now where was I?" He asked before he returned his attention to Jared's neck. Jensen felt relieved when he felt Jared relax once more and he even let out a small groan. Determined to keep those noises coming, Jensen continued all the while paying attention to the way Jared was reacting.
~JA/JP-A~
"So this is the new house?" Tyler asked, mildly excited when his dad pulled into the driveway a couple of days later. He had just returned from his camping trip with Brendan and his parents and he was excited to be back home with his daddies. Even if they were going to a new house.
Jared turned around in his seat and nodded. "Yup, what do you think?" He asked, feeling nervous. He was really hoping that Tyler would be happy here.
Tyler shrugged. "Can I still go to my school?" He asked, sounding a little worried to Jared's ears.
"Of course baby. C'mon, let's go see your room." Jared encouraged after he'd parked the car and was leading the way inside the house. A part of himself was grateful that their neighbors didn't seem to be around right now as he would really prefer to meet them with Jensen. He hated that he still felt compelled to turn the alarm on despite it being the middle of the day. Walking down the hall, Jared smiled as he stood outside the room he and Jensen had finished putting together a few days before. They had tried to make it look pretty much exactly as it had at their old house, hopeful that that would make the transition a little easier. "What do you think?" He asked when Tyler hadn't said anything.
"This is my room?" He asked, a little smile on his face.
"Yup," Jared nodded in response.
"It's big." Tyler's smile widened, happy to once again have his own room. "Daddy?" He wondered, biting his lip nervously.
"Yes baby," Jared replied, relieved that Tyler seemed to be liking the house. That was going to make his life a hell of a lot easier.
"Where's the baby going to sleep?" He asked curiously as he turned back around to look at a couple of the closed doors.
Jared's eyes widened in surprise. How did Tyler know about the baby? He and Jensen hadn't told him about it yet and they had been careful, or well at least he had thought they had been careful, to not talk about the baby around Tyler. "Wh... what?" He stuttered, sure that he hadn't heard Tyler right.
"The baby, which room is theirs?" He asked, curious as to where either his little brother or sister was going to sleep.
"Um..." Jared hesitated, trying to think of an appropriate answer. He still wasn't necessarily out of the danger zone so to speak so they were holding off on making the announcement but it was obvious that he couldn't hide it from his son any longer. Jared wished that Jensen was home and that he could be having this conversation with him but it was obvious that that wasn't going to happen. "Well, Ty... papa and I were thinking that the baby would have that room." Jared said pointing to the closed door across the hall. He still wasn't completely convinced that he was going to keep the baby or if he even should but he wasn't about to start discussing adoption with his eight-year-old.
"Good, the baby needs a room." Tyler said decidedly before he walked over to his closet and grabbed his portable play station.
Jared silently observed his son for a few minutes, wishing that he had a bit of Tyler's apparent enthusisasm. "Ty, who told you about the baby?" He asked, wanting to know if Jensen had discussed it without him.
"Nobody. I heard you and papa talking at the hotel. You guys thought I was asleep." Tyler explained, oblivious to his dad's confusion.
'Fantastic!' Jared thought sarcastically to himself. Jared walked over to the bed and took a seat beside his son. "Ty, I need to talk to you for a second okay?" His tone was nervous and serious at the same time and he was hoping that Tyler only picked up on the serious part.
"What is it?" Tyler asked as he continued playing his video game.
"Look at me honey," Jared ordered waiting until he had his son's full attention. "Papa and I are having a baby but we don't want to tell anybody yet. It's still a secret so can we just keep it in between the three of us for right now?"
Tyler nodded. "I won't tell anybody, I promise daddy." Tyler responded sincerely.
"Thanks kiddo," Jared said feeling a little relieved. He knew that there was still a chance that Tyler might slip up and mention it to somebody but at least he had talked to him about it a little. "Papa and I'll let you know when we can tell people."
"Daddy?" Tyler asked cautiously after a minute.
Jared paused from standing up from the bed. "Yes Ty?" He asked, wondering what Tyler was going to ask.
"Are you mad that I know about the baby? You were crying when you told papa." Tyler said in a scared voice.
"No baby, no. I'm not mad, just surprised." Jared replied after a moment. "And... and I was crying because I was nervous. I didn't know what Papa would say." He decided to explain.
"Are you still nervous?" Tyler asked and Jared thought that he seemed much older than eight right now.
Jared thought about it. He could lie and his son probably wouldn't know the difference or he could sit down and actually talk to his son. Hesitating slightly, Jared decided to go with the latter option. "I am." He nodded as he retook his seat. Jared watched as Tyler put his video game down and moved to sit cross-legged on the bed.
"Why?" He asked innocently.
"Well..." Jared drifted off as he bit his lip. This was the tricky part. "I'm nervous because I want the baby to be okay and I'm not really sure what's going to happen."
"Why wouldn't the baby be okay?" Tyler questioned causing Jared to think again. He didn't exactly have the answers to these questions. At least not in a way that would be easy to convey to an eight year old.
"Well, um..." He and Jensen hadn't explained to Tyler that he had miscarried once before since their son hadn't even known he was expecting at the time. "See Ty, after you were born, papa and I decided we wanted to have more kids and it took a while but I got pregnant a second time and then something happened," Jared paused, trying to fight back tears. He wasn't going to cry about this, at least not right now.
"What happened?" Tyler pushed, interested and curious about what his dad had to say.
Jared collected himself and continued after a moment, hoping to hell that he was explaining this in a way that his son would understand. "The baby got really sick and... well, we weren't able to have a second baby."
"Because the baby died?" Tyler guessed. He had dealt with death once before when Jensen's grandma had passed away so he had some knowledge of it.
Jared nodded. "Yeah Ty, the baby died and... and I guess I'm just scared still." He sniffled and tried to give his son a reassuring smile.
"I'm sorry daddy," Tyler apologized as he moved to hug his dad. He could tell that his daddy was upset and he wanted to help him feel better.
"Thanks baby but you don't need to say sorry, you didn't do anything wrong." Jared reassured as he returned the hug. Bringing one hand up to his face, Jared wiped his eyes and continued. "So that's why papa and I don't want to tell anybody about the baby just yet. Once we know the baby's okay then we'll go ahead and tell people, alright? So for now, it's just our little secret." He finished. If Tyler had more questions then hopefully they could wait until this evening when Jensen arrived home.
Tyler nodded and before Jared knew what he was doing, Tyler was laying his small hand on Jared's t-shirt clad stomach. "I love you daddy."
"Love you too buddy." Jared said, smiling again as he looked down at his son and thought about just how incredibly lucky he was to have a kid like Tyler.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thanks for reading! I hope everyone enjoys the chapter and I look forward to hearing what you all have to say. I was going to have this (and my other stories) up sooner but I got distracted with the Holiday and having my grandparents here. I'll try to update ASAP :)