(no subject)
Title: Better Than Okay
Characters/Pairing: Kelly/Ryan
Rating: PG
Summary: Except she's starting to think that maybe she doesn't have a really fabulous boyfriend. Like, maybe he's just sort-of fabulous, like, as a boyfriend. Or maybe he's not even fabulous at all. And that's really freaking her out.
Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers through Beach Games. Or Beach Day. Whatever it was called.
Notes: It's my first Kelly/Ryan fic, so I hope it's alright. It was really hard to get Kelly right without going overboard with her, so I hope that came through. Comments are loved, and constructive cricticism is always appreciated. This oneshot was made rather AU by the finale, just in terms of Kelly's and Ryan's opinions as I wrote them here as opposed to what they thought in the finale. And thus ends my totally vague explanation.
It is business as usual in the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin that Tuesday, which of course means that it's strange, unprofessional, and completely unproductive. They're all okay with that by now obviously, because otherwise they wouldn't still be here, and somehow they manage to get enough done so that they don't get this entire branch shut down. So that's okay.
But Kelly Kapoor is not okay, and maybe she hasn't been okay for a while.
She sits at her desk and stares in the direction of Pam, Pam who is sitting behind her desk emanating a sort of glow, and is totally jealous and sort of scared, because it's scary to be jealous of the receptionist.
After all, Kelly has really cute clothes, and great hair, and a radar for gossip, and a really fabulous boyfriend, with this really bright future, so --
Except she's starting to think that maybe she doesn't have a really fabulous boyfriend. Like, maybe he's just sort-of fabulous, like, as a boyfriend. Or maybe he's not even fabulous at all. And that's really freaking her out.
I mean, Ryan used to seem like the perfect guy, and now he seems like he just never got the memo.
She gives herself a moment to giggle at her own joke, because hee, memo, and they're in an office, so that's funny, but then it's back to scary, not-so-funny reality.
The thing is that she's not jealous of Pam's clothes, or her hair (although it is nice hair, just in a totally different way from Kelly's, but whatever). She's jealous of her bravery.
Because last night, during Beach Day (which was maybe Beach Night by then? like, did the name change once it wasn't really the day any more?) Pam gave this big long speech, about how she was really a great person, and she deserved more, and she wanted her friend back.
And even though Kelly won't be happy until Pam and Jim are officially an item, together forever, and ride off into the sunset together, that isn't the point right now.
The point is that, doesn't Kelly sort of deserve that? Like, isn't she a great person too? Or at least a sort-of great person? She's starting to think she's a really fabulous girlfriend, and Ryan is just not noticing.
*****
Kelly looks kind of quiet today. She's probably just tired. Beach Day was kind of tiring. Nice though. Her head against his shoulder. It was nice.
*****
She's sure Ryan is this great person, and he just doesn't realize what he's doing, except she isn't really sure of that any more, so what is she supposed to do?
The truth is that she's never dated a guy and liked him for as long as she's dated and liked Ryan, and she really, really doesn't want it to be over. And Ryan is clearly content to just go on this way, with all her effort, and all her caring, and he's happy to just accept it, and assume that she doesn't need the same thing from him, and that is really stupid, because she wants that suddenly. She doesn't want him to be a boyfriend from the first week anymore, acting like he isn't sure what she wants. It's been like, a year and a month. And nine days. And six hours, and thirty-five minutes. So. She isn't sure she can really blame it on shyness any more.
So shouldn't he be, like, doing stuff for her? Something? Good morning kisses when people are actually looking (or at least every day when they're not, because he could at least be consistent), and wow, this is bad, worse than she realized, and she hates crying in front of people when they won't care, and she's pretty sure that Creed won't. So. She needs to not cry standing here in the kitchen with the fridge door open.
And the fridge door's been open for like five minutes and Creed didn't even remind her to close it. Sort of proves her point doesn't it?
She closes the fridge door without getting anything.
*****
She walked past his desk this morning without bending down to kiss him. "It's a good morning kiss!" That's what she always insists. He almost kind of misses it. Sure, it's embarrassing, but it's also...nice? Comforting maybe?
She probably just forgot. She's probably got a lot on her mind.
*****
The thing is, she decides later as she checks her e-mail for the sixth time hoping ridiculously for some kind of "hello" from Ryan that she knows won't come, that she wishes she could make a speech like that, but she totally can't. Because what if Ryan thought it was weird, or didn't slip into the kitchen to talk to her like she knows Jim just did five minutes ago to talk to Pam? Or what if he decides she wants to break up? Or what if he wants to break up?
But she knows what she'd say.
"Um, Ryan, I don't think you're really, like, appreciating me? And that's totally not cool, because I am an awesome girlfriend and guess what? I'm not really so sure you're an awesome boyfriend, and that sucks, because you should be. Because I, like, deserve it. Just like Pam."
For once, her reference would not be to a celebrity, it would be to Pam Beesly, office receptionist. Which means that Pam is awesome, which means that maybe she should talk to Pam. But for once Kelly doesn't want to talk about it. She wants to figure it out, and she doesn't know how.
*****
She's kind of worrying him. She looks kind of sad. And it's been a long, long time since he saw her sad. Over a year practically. Well, sure, sad over small stuff, but nothing that buying a new lip gloss or giving her a quick hug wouldn't fix. But now she's kind of quiet. Which is weird, and it's almost kind of worrying.
A sudden thought strikes him, because has he not seen her really sad since they started dating? He thinks maybe he should be proud. But the weight of it sort of staggers him, and he feels like maybe he should have been paying a little more attention.
*****
"Hey Ryan." She says. It's been two days since she decided maybe he wasn't so great after all, and he hasn't done anything to disprove it, even though she was really hoping he would.
"Hey Kel." He says. The nickname still sends a little thrill up her spine, but not a shiver like it used to. She wants it to, but it doesn't. Which sucks.
"Um, do you, like, wanna go out to dinner tomorrow night or something?"
He turns to face her, and she knows he has a lot going on right now, but he better say yes. He looks kind of flustered, and maybe it's because he's going to say yes, and offer to take her out, and let her choose the place, and she should dress up, and --
"Um, I don't know -- you know, I have a lot going on, and --"
"Yeah, fine, whatever."
And wow, she's being snappy. That's cool, she thinks approvingly. She's going to be just like Amanda Bynes in What A Girl Wants when she realizes that she deserves better and that she can just be herself.
Except that Amanda Bynes got the guy, and Kelly is starting to wonder if she will.
And she can't leave it at just snappy, because he's still Ryan, right?
"That's cool." She says cautiously, and then spins around and faces her computer again quickly and maybe just a little angrily. Angry at herself or him she isn't sure.
*****
She wants to go to dinner, which makes him feel a little better, but he has to say no, because he's pretty sure he's going to take her out on Friday, and he only gets paid so much. He'll let her pick the place, because she'll pick someplace nice, but he'll tell her to go ahead and pick someplace nice anyway. That'll make her happy. She'll get all dressed up. She'll make him dress up too, which is okay he guesses.
It's not like she's perfect; he never thought he'd be dating a Kelly kind of girl for more than a couple of months, but the longer he dates her the more he thinks that maybe she isn't a "kind of girl." And he's not really perfect either.
Yeah. He'll take her out Friday.
*****
Pam is still glowing, and it's been almost an entire week. How does she have the right to still be so happy? And yesterday Dwight's auto-correct inserted "I have allied myself with Voldemort" every time he typed the word "Dunder-Mifflin" which she seriously suspects was Jim and Pam's doing, and even though it's hilarious it kind of makes her jealous. And whoa, she didn't think she'd be the one with the dysfunctional relationship. And it's dysfunctional, she decides, and suddenly she's on this huge downward spiral of doom and despair because this thing is going nowhere, and Ryan is just using her, and he never really liked her, and she's been blind, and when they make the movie of her life she will cry until her mascara runs during this part, and the music will be really sad.
*****
Kelly's been kind of quiet all week, and he's sort of been thinking that maybe he's, um, lucky.
Because when she's this quiet he misses the bubbliness and the constant talking, and the giggling and the reassurance that he is "the best boyfriend ever, definitely."
He thinks maybe he's been making one long mistake. And not in dating her either, which is, he has to admit, what he thinks all to often.
He thinks maybe he's severely underestimated Kelly Kapoor.
After all, she explained how Netflix worked to him. In detail. In the middle of the office. And more importantly, she believed that he'd forgotten.
Whoa.
*****
Thursday afternoon at 2:47 PM Kelly pulls Ryan into the kitchen and gives him a piece of her mind. Several pieces actually. Angry ones. And he sits and listens as she tells him that she's always been a good girlfriend and you know what, he hasn't been a good boyfriend, and she is tired of it, and if Pam deserves more than so does she, so he can just find himself another girlfriend, one who won't mind being a convenience instead of a girlfriend.
And after she has taken several deep breaths and not cried, which he admires because he thinks he might actually cry (oh God, do not let him cry) he hands her the reservation card and tells her to take someone who deserves it.
He has to sort of marvel at his own humility, because a year ago he would have kept the reservations and gone out with someone, anyone, besides Kelly.
Maybe she's taught him something besides how to use Netflix.
*****
At 4:56 he gets an unusually short e-mail from Kelly.
Ryan --
You better dress up.
C u tonight @ 8:00.
-- Kelly
*****
And, uh, that's all folks!
My first Kelly/Ryan fic and it comes after the finale.
Characters/Pairing: Kelly/Ryan
Rating: PG
Summary: Except she's starting to think that maybe she doesn't have a really fabulous boyfriend. Like, maybe he's just sort-of fabulous, like, as a boyfriend. Or maybe he's not even fabulous at all. And that's really freaking her out.
Spoilers/Warnings: Spoilers through Beach Games. Or Beach Day. Whatever it was called.
Notes: It's my first Kelly/Ryan fic, so I hope it's alright. It was really hard to get Kelly right without going overboard with her, so I hope that came through. Comments are loved, and constructive cricticism is always appreciated. This oneshot was made rather AU by the finale, just in terms of Kelly's and Ryan's opinions as I wrote them here as opposed to what they thought in the finale. And thus ends my totally vague explanation.
It is business as usual in the Scranton branch of Dunder-Mifflin that Tuesday, which of course means that it's strange, unprofessional, and completely unproductive. They're all okay with that by now obviously, because otherwise they wouldn't still be here, and somehow they manage to get enough done so that they don't get this entire branch shut down. So that's okay.
But Kelly Kapoor is not okay, and maybe she hasn't been okay for a while.
She sits at her desk and stares in the direction of Pam, Pam who is sitting behind her desk emanating a sort of glow, and is totally jealous and sort of scared, because it's scary to be jealous of the receptionist.
After all, Kelly has really cute clothes, and great hair, and a radar for gossip, and a really fabulous boyfriend, with this really bright future, so --
Except she's starting to think that maybe she doesn't have a really fabulous boyfriend. Like, maybe he's just sort-of fabulous, like, as a boyfriend. Or maybe he's not even fabulous at all. And that's really freaking her out.
I mean, Ryan used to seem like the perfect guy, and now he seems like he just never got the memo.
She gives herself a moment to giggle at her own joke, because hee, memo, and they're in an office, so that's funny, but then it's back to scary, not-so-funny reality.
The thing is that she's not jealous of Pam's clothes, or her hair (although it is nice hair, just in a totally different way from Kelly's, but whatever). She's jealous of her bravery.
Because last night, during Beach Day (which was maybe Beach Night by then? like, did the name change once it wasn't really the day any more?) Pam gave this big long speech, about how she was really a great person, and she deserved more, and she wanted her friend back.
And even though Kelly won't be happy until Pam and Jim are officially an item, together forever, and ride off into the sunset together, that isn't the point right now.
The point is that, doesn't Kelly sort of deserve that? Like, isn't she a great person too? Or at least a sort-of great person? She's starting to think she's a really fabulous girlfriend, and Ryan is just not noticing.
*****
Kelly looks kind of quiet today. She's probably just tired. Beach Day was kind of tiring. Nice though. Her head against his shoulder. It was nice.
*****
She's sure Ryan is this great person, and he just doesn't realize what he's doing, except she isn't really sure of that any more, so what is she supposed to do?
The truth is that she's never dated a guy and liked him for as long as she's dated and liked Ryan, and she really, really doesn't want it to be over. And Ryan is clearly content to just go on this way, with all her effort, and all her caring, and he's happy to just accept it, and assume that she doesn't need the same thing from him, and that is really stupid, because she wants that suddenly. She doesn't want him to be a boyfriend from the first week anymore, acting like he isn't sure what she wants. It's been like, a year and a month. And nine days. And six hours, and thirty-five minutes. So. She isn't sure she can really blame it on shyness any more.
So shouldn't he be, like, doing stuff for her? Something? Good morning kisses when people are actually looking (or at least every day when they're not, because he could at least be consistent), and wow, this is bad, worse than she realized, and she hates crying in front of people when they won't care, and she's pretty sure that Creed won't. So. She needs to not cry standing here in the kitchen with the fridge door open.
And the fridge door's been open for like five minutes and Creed didn't even remind her to close it. Sort of proves her point doesn't it?
She closes the fridge door without getting anything.
*****
She walked past his desk this morning without bending down to kiss him. "It's a good morning kiss!" That's what she always insists. He almost kind of misses it. Sure, it's embarrassing, but it's also...nice? Comforting maybe?
She probably just forgot. She's probably got a lot on her mind.
*****
The thing is, she decides later as she checks her e-mail for the sixth time hoping ridiculously for some kind of "hello" from Ryan that she knows won't come, that she wishes she could make a speech like that, but she totally can't. Because what if Ryan thought it was weird, or didn't slip into the kitchen to talk to her like she knows Jim just did five minutes ago to talk to Pam? Or what if he decides she wants to break up? Or what if he wants to break up?
But she knows what she'd say.
"Um, Ryan, I don't think you're really, like, appreciating me? And that's totally not cool, because I am an awesome girlfriend and guess what? I'm not really so sure you're an awesome boyfriend, and that sucks, because you should be. Because I, like, deserve it. Just like Pam."
For once, her reference would not be to a celebrity, it would be to Pam Beesly, office receptionist. Which means that Pam is awesome, which means that maybe she should talk to Pam. But for once Kelly doesn't want to talk about it. She wants to figure it out, and she doesn't know how.
*****
She's kind of worrying him. She looks kind of sad. And it's been a long, long time since he saw her sad. Over a year practically. Well, sure, sad over small stuff, but nothing that buying a new lip gloss or giving her a quick hug wouldn't fix. But now she's kind of quiet. Which is weird, and it's almost kind of worrying.
A sudden thought strikes him, because has he not seen her really sad since they started dating? He thinks maybe he should be proud. But the weight of it sort of staggers him, and he feels like maybe he should have been paying a little more attention.
*****
"Hey Ryan." She says. It's been two days since she decided maybe he wasn't so great after all, and he hasn't done anything to disprove it, even though she was really hoping he would.
"Hey Kel." He says. The nickname still sends a little thrill up her spine, but not a shiver like it used to. She wants it to, but it doesn't. Which sucks.
"Um, do you, like, wanna go out to dinner tomorrow night or something?"
He turns to face her, and she knows he has a lot going on right now, but he better say yes. He looks kind of flustered, and maybe it's because he's going to say yes, and offer to take her out, and let her choose the place, and she should dress up, and --
"Um, I don't know -- you know, I have a lot going on, and --"
"Yeah, fine, whatever."
And wow, she's being snappy. That's cool, she thinks approvingly. She's going to be just like Amanda Bynes in What A Girl Wants when she realizes that she deserves better and that she can just be herself.
Except that Amanda Bynes got the guy, and Kelly is starting to wonder if she will.
And she can't leave it at just snappy, because he's still Ryan, right?
"That's cool." She says cautiously, and then spins around and faces her computer again quickly and maybe just a little angrily. Angry at herself or him she isn't sure.
*****
She wants to go to dinner, which makes him feel a little better, but he has to say no, because he's pretty sure he's going to take her out on Friday, and he only gets paid so much. He'll let her pick the place, because she'll pick someplace nice, but he'll tell her to go ahead and pick someplace nice anyway. That'll make her happy. She'll get all dressed up. She'll make him dress up too, which is okay he guesses.
It's not like she's perfect; he never thought he'd be dating a Kelly kind of girl for more than a couple of months, but the longer he dates her the more he thinks that maybe she isn't a "kind of girl." And he's not really perfect either.
Yeah. He'll take her out Friday.
*****
Pam is still glowing, and it's been almost an entire week. How does she have the right to still be so happy? And yesterday Dwight's auto-correct inserted "I have allied myself with Voldemort" every time he typed the word "Dunder-Mifflin" which she seriously suspects was Jim and Pam's doing, and even though it's hilarious it kind of makes her jealous. And whoa, she didn't think she'd be the one with the dysfunctional relationship. And it's dysfunctional, she decides, and suddenly she's on this huge downward spiral of doom and despair because this thing is going nowhere, and Ryan is just using her, and he never really liked her, and she's been blind, and when they make the movie of her life she will cry until her mascara runs during this part, and the music will be really sad.
*****
Kelly's been kind of quiet all week, and he's sort of been thinking that maybe he's, um, lucky.
Because when she's this quiet he misses the bubbliness and the constant talking, and the giggling and the reassurance that he is "the best boyfriend ever, definitely."
He thinks maybe he's been making one long mistake. And not in dating her either, which is, he has to admit, what he thinks all to often.
He thinks maybe he's severely underestimated Kelly Kapoor.
After all, she explained how Netflix worked to him. In detail. In the middle of the office. And more importantly, she believed that he'd forgotten.
Whoa.
*****
Thursday afternoon at 2:47 PM Kelly pulls Ryan into the kitchen and gives him a piece of her mind. Several pieces actually. Angry ones. And he sits and listens as she tells him that she's always been a good girlfriend and you know what, he hasn't been a good boyfriend, and she is tired of it, and if Pam deserves more than so does she, so he can just find himself another girlfriend, one who won't mind being a convenience instead of a girlfriend.
And after she has taken several deep breaths and not cried, which he admires because he thinks he might actually cry (oh God, do not let him cry) he hands her the reservation card and tells her to take someone who deserves it.
He has to sort of marvel at his own humility, because a year ago he would have kept the reservations and gone out with someone, anyone, besides Kelly.
Maybe she's taught him something besides how to use Netflix.
*****
At 4:56 he gets an unusually short e-mail from Kelly.
Ryan --
You better dress up.
C u tonight @ 8:00.
-- Kelly
*****
And, uh, that's all folks!
My first Kelly/Ryan fic and it comes after the finale.