A Good Start
Title: A Good Start [2/2, finally]
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Mark/Addison
Summary: Running into your father’s girlfriend in the kitchen is awkward; lunchtime conversations reference three movies at once; father/daughter crying time; boyfriend/girlfriend comforting-about-dead-wife time; nervousness about sex; mother/daughter comforting time; boyfriend talks to girlfriend’s daughter; dress up night.
Music: Maria Taylor :: A Good Start
Situational Note: I'm watching Pizza Wars on the Travel Channel and waiting for last night's perfection to calm before I try to reach nirvana again (yes) and this just happened. I'm not lame and hanging out on the computer while on vacation. The guy whose couch I'm crashing on is right next to me creating his own country. So, there you go.
part one
Bleary-eyed and exhausted with a headache and a strong hope that she isn’t the only one to remember the previous night’s activities, Kelly tumbles out of bed and groans when she sees the green lights on her alarm clock proclaiming 7:31 in the morning. She manages to rub her eyes and turn her pajama pants the right way before she stumbles out of her bedroom to grab some coffee since her body won’t let her fall back asleep.
“Oh. Hi.” Kelly stops short of the kitchen when she sees Addison pouring a cup of coffee while wearing a shirt that definitely belongs to her father and a pair of boxers she assumes also belong in her father’s dresser. She regains her senses and opens a cabinet to get her own mug and tries to act like it’s perfectly normal by avoiding eye contact and doing her best not to think of what would result in her father’s girlfriend staying the night and ending up in his clothing. As if this twenty-four hours couldn’t get any weirder, she thinks to herself. Watching two friends try to beat the hell out of each other over an air hockey game while having finished a bottle of vodka between them and trying to ignore two people having sex underneath the pool table she trying to kick her boyfriend’s ass on wasn’t exactly how she imagined her “going out” nights in New York. Things were a little calmer in Seattle. She likes the people here and she really appreciates that Lily sort of adopted her, but sometimes she really misses the comfort of an evening in the Grey-Shepherd basement with the other “intern kids” with surgical tapes and a bottle of tequila.
“Morning.” Addison smiles hesitantly and wonders when Mark is going to decide to get out of the shower. She notices confusion written all over the blonde’s face and suddenly has the urge to either laugh or run, she can’t decide which. “He didn’t tell you I stayed over?” Addison slips out of the corner of the kitchen to allow a tired Kelly full access to the coffee maker. She tells herself that there’s a perfectly logical reason for Mark not telling Kelly that she was sleeping over. After all, she is his daughter and running into each other in the kitchen before eight in the morning is awkward enough without a heads up.
“Left that one out,” she covers a yawn and drinks half of her cup and refills it. “I kinda stumbled in the door and fell into bed.” Kelly doesn’t need to say anything to announce that; last night’s eyeliner is smudged and she still has her earrings in. “If you stayed over,” she yawns again and grabs the orange juice out of the fridge, keeping the door open so she can hide behind it while she pours a glass to chase a multivitamin and a lot of aspirin, “why the hell was he out of bed when I came home?” She bumps the door shut with her hip.
“Because I’m your dad and she fell asleep on the couch.” Mark’s deep voice ends the conversation and he doesn’t elaborate further for his daughter’s sake; she’s intelligent, she can figure out on her own that there was no sex involved because he has no intention of her ever finding out about any of that.
Kelly shrugs. “Alright.” She’s discussed with him at length the fact that he doesn’t need to stay awake waiting for her to come home at night since she rarely stays out until curfew but he’s always said that he needs to do it for him so she’s learned to just let it go. As much as she wants to tell him that, because he now has a girlfriend and she’s not stupid and she knows that sometimes things happens even between adults even if she doesn’t want to think about it, he doesn’t need to put clothes on and get out of bed to make sure she gets home okay, she doesn’t know how to bring it up without making things more embarrassing.
Finished with her coffee, Addison smiles somewhat awkwardly. “I’m gonna...change and go home.”
“I’m going back to bed. Stay for breakfast.” Kelly doesn’t wait for a response and she trudges back into her room.
“No, I should get home anyway.”
“Hey,” Mark takes Addison’s coffee mug out of her hand and sets it down on the counter, enveloping her in a hug. “Sorry I didn’t tell her. She looked like...”
“I get it,” she smiles truthfully. “Exhausted kid, probably had a long night, don’t really want to add to it by saying the girlfriend stayed over and having to explain that you’re out of bed because there wasn’t sex involved and I pretty much told you to.”
“Right.”
--
“Oh!” Addison leans against the wall and stares at Lily wearing the most knowing and smirking grin possible. “Why are you awake?”
“It’s not like I didn’t know you were coming home in the morning.”
Addison sets her jaw and sighs. “I feel that I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but there was no sex involved. I fell asleep on his couch.” She raises her eyebrow and firmly ends the conversation and heads to go upstairs for a shower.
“Well, when you do? Don’t tell me. I’d like to keep thinking that sex is something my mother just doesn’t do even if that’s finally not the truth.”
Addison shakes her head and laughs and turns from the landing to look back down. “If I find another condom in a back pocket of your jeans in the laundry basket, I’m telling you.” While she’s laughing, the look she gives Lily is serious.
--
“So. How’s the Parent Trap going?”
“Shut up, American Beauty.” Lily crumples up a napkin and throws it at the newcomer to the table.
Kelly slides in next to her. “Seriously, Scott. We’re not twins and this isn’t summer camp.”
Scott decides not to point out to the new girl that sometimes things aren’t meant to be taken seriously. “But you and Lil met at band camp and that’s ow, don’t kick me.” He glares at Lily.
“It’s an extra syllable. It’s not that hard. Anyway. They like each other and go out at least once a week, so.” She shrugs and takes a sip of her soda. Lily pauses and looks at him over the edge of the can and sets it down. “Your mind is not going there. You are not using the fact that my mother might be having sex sometime soon and that I probably don’t want to be in the house for it to get me to go out with you. Don’t even.”
“Who says I was going to ask you?”
Lily glances over at Kelly. “You want to go out with him?”
“No,” she says a little uneasily, still unaccustomed to the interpersonal dynamics of Lily and her friends.
“Well that’s settled. Bother somebody else.”
“Why am I even friends with you?”
“Because if you friend-divorce me, I’ll tell everyone that it was me who broke your arm in kindergarten, not a bad fall.” She smiles devilishly.
“I was five, it shouldn’t count.”
“I can do it again and make it count if you’d like.”
Scott clutches his arm. “That’s okay. I’ll see you guys later.”
“Did you really...?”
Lily laughs and rests her head on the table for a moment. “It was an accident, I swear.” She switches topics. “You really think they’re hitting it off well? Or that they’re doing it because they want to make us feel all good about it.”
Kelly sets down her sandwich and turns to her friend. “Look. My parents married because of me. They were happy and all but...the way he looks when he talks about your mom? It’s right out of a classic movie or something.” She blinks at Lily’s grin. “What?”
“You really are a romantic.” Lily knows that she’s too young to be jaded and she isn’t, but she has a certain healthy dose of cynicism about her.
She blushes. “It’s my mom’s fault. I think ‘Some Day My Prince Will Come’ was her theme song since she was born.” Shrugging, she shifts the topic; Izzie’s death still hurts and she doesn’t like talking about it too much especially with the anniversary of it coming up soon. “Why aren’t you? You like chick flicks just as much as I do.”
“I’m a sperm donor baby.”
--
“Hey,” Mark carefully sits on the edge of Kelly’s bed and shakes her shoulder. “You good to go today?” He asks, concerned once she lifts her head from the pillow and looks at him. Mark smoothes back her hair and nods when she shakes her head. “Yeah, me neither.”
“I miss her,” Kelly says, muffled into her pillow. Her voice, thick with the tears that she’s been holding back for days, shakes as her father gently rubs her back.
Mark feels the tension in Kelly’s body and softly encourages her to sit up and he doesn’t need to do anything to get her to crawl into his hug; he barely has his arms open before his daughter is there, crying on his shoulder. He holds her tightly and lightly rocks her back and forth and wonders if this day will ever get any easier for them. Izzie was always the comforter, the one who knew just how to hug Kelly when she needed it to make her feel better and all Mark can do is hope that he’s even half as good as she was at putting a smile back on his daughter’s face. He discovered long ago that words don’t ease the pain so he simply holds her and rubs her back and guides her to his other shoulder when she pretends like she’s done.
Kelly stays put for a while after she’s settled down, content to be surrounded by the warm protection of her dad’s hug. “Thank you,” she whispers hoarsely and blinks away even more tears and hopes that some day it won’t hurt so much. She wants it to hurt so she can remember, but she doesn’t want it to be blinding pain forever. “Can you call school?”
“Already done,” he smiles, having known that there was no way she would have made it through second period. He offers her a box of tissues and she nods with a soft smile of thanks. She catches something in his eyes, something distant and hurting and she impulsively hugs him. With the death of her mother at the age of thirteen, she was forced to grow up quickly and so was her father. His first and only legitimate relationship was with her mother and until then, he’d only had to worry about himself and suddenly he was left on his own again, clueless and with a thirteen year-old daughter. “I love you,” she whispers, a murmur of her thanks for him pulling himself together and making it easier for her.
Mark takes a deep breath and hugs her in return, holding on as long as he needs as the comforting roles reverse. “I miss her so much,” he admits shakily. Taking a deep breath with a few tears dropping onto his daughter’s shoulder, he whispers the secret he’s been holding onto so tightly. “And I feel so guilty.”
Kelly nods and tightens her arms, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. “She’d want you to be happy, Dad.”
He nods and convinces himself that he’s ready to pull away and then grabs a tissue from the box next to them. “What do you want to do today?” He smiles once he’s gotten control of his voice again.
Her still-watery eyes light up. “Shopping?”
“I don’t know why I even ask.”
--
It isn’t half an hour after Lily’s car door slams as she disappears to Washington DC for a few days before Mark drives up. Addison wonders if he timed that intentionally, giving her enough time to think about the weekend but not enough time to panic about the fact that it’s probably the first time since her first time that she’s had so much pressure to have sex. Both their girls are gone for the weekend and they’ve been dating for three months (and, frankly, they’re both impressed that they’ve kept their hands off each other this long) and it just seems logical. She tells herself that it’s silly to be a little apprehensive about the weekend; Mark won’t push her, she won’t push him, and it isn’t like they haven’t done this before.
“Hey,” Mark catches his thumb on her chin after she shuts the door behind him. He kisses her softly and then wraps his arms around her. Nuzzling her neck, he rubs her back as she gives him an extra squeeze. “There’s dinner in the car,” he whispers.
“I though you were making dinner.” She steps back and leans against the door handle.
“I am. It’s in parts and requires a stove and some of your pots.”
She looks at him askance. “Since when do you cook more than spaghetti?”
“Who was I married to for thirteen years?” He grins and then suddenly stops and drops his gaze. “Sorry.”
Addison makes a face and shakes her head. “Don’t apologize for bringing her up. She was a huge part of your life.” Her eyes soften and she steps away from the door and closer to him. “What’s wrong?”
“She died four years ago last Tuesday.”
Sighing, Addison shakes her head. “Why don’t you tell me these things?” She circles her arms around him and rests her head against his shoulder and feels his arms come up around her back, holding her to him tightly. Placing a kiss on his cheek, she stands on her toes and tries to envelop him in her arms even more as she feels him take a shaky breath.
Mark closes his eyes and nestles his head in the crook of her shoulder and lets go of a few tears. Izzie may not have been the love of his life but when he thinks about it, she came really damn close. She made him happier than he’d ever been, she gave him a daughter and perhaps most of all, she helped him forget the pain Addison caused and helped him remember that good things are allowed to happen to everyone.
He holds tightly onto Addison and finds himself crying harder than he thought. He’d had trouble letting go when Izzie died; he often woke up in the middle of the night clutching her pillow or spending the night on the couch and pretending that he fell asleep watching television because he couldn’t stand to be in that bed alone. Derek had been by his side through all of it, standing next to him at her funeral with his hand on his shoulder for support much like Mark had when Derek’s father died. Despite friendship and a slow drift back to normal, he gave up trying to will away the dreams of her sleeping next to him and the firm belief that he’d walk downstairs and she’d be making French toast and moved them to New York. He hadn’t even given thought to the idea that he was trading pain upon seeing memories of his wife at every turn for the possibility of deeply-buried memories of Addison being dug up every time he passed the hot dog vendor on the street corner by Mt. Sinai.
“I’m sorry,” he apologizes.
“Don’t. I told you. Don’t apologize.”
“Addison, I’m with you. I shouldn’t be crying over...”
“Yes, you should. Mark, you were with her for fourteen years. That’s a hell of a long time to be with someone, whether you’re truly in love with them or not. You’re allowed to be upset.” She catches his chin and tips his head up. “It’s okay that it still hurts.”
He nods and wipes away his tears, looking slightly embarrassed though he knows she has a point. “I’m going to make you dinner.”
Addison blocks his way to the door. “I’m not mad at you for moving on, Mark,” she says gently and honestly, knowing that it’s been his silent worry since their first cup of coffee together.
He offers her a small smile. “Thank you.”
--
Mark places a kiss on her temple and combs his fingers through her hair as he watches her sleep happily on his chest. They still have it, both of them, even though (and they’ve both sheepishly admitted to this) neither one of them has had sex in four years. His name still sounds just as delicious leaving her lips as it did the first time, maybe even more so, and it still feels incredible as she trembles beneath him in orgasm. He turns his attentions to her bare shoulder and draws light designs on her soft skin.
“Mmm,” she smiles contently and lifts her head, resting the other cheek on his chest so she can look at him.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Addison reaches up and traces the lines of his face. “That’s okay.” She quietly runs a finger across his definitive cheekbone and down his nose, over his chin and down to his shoulder, following the path of his collarbone until she reaches his chest and lays her palm against him.
“I love you,” he whispers softly. He watches her for a reaction and he isn’t sure how to take the soft bite of her lip and hint of a smile. “I just wanted you to know. That’s all.” He never stopped loving her, it turned into a quieter and smaller kind of love for a while, one that was too painful to feel every day but was sometimes nice to remember.
Her smile grows wider. “I love you, too.”
--
“Hey,” Addison looks up from the mail as Lily walks in the door. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she whispers and walks rapidly but dejectedly through the kitchen and up the stairs to her room.
Normally, Addison would have let it slide as a bad day, bad practice, bad test score, PMS, any number of things but there was a shakiness to her daughter’s voice that she hadn’t heard in a while. After a few seconds of blinking to herself, she puts down the mail and follows Lily upstairs.
“Lily. What happened?”
Upset with herself for not shutting her bedroom door immediately, Lily sniffles. “It’s nothing. You have a date with McWonderful tonight, don’t worry about it.”
Addison winces internally at the nickname, having really hoped that everyone was past giving everyone a McName (and blames it on Kelly and the likelihood that she was babysat more than once by Cristina Yang), but senses that something’s really wrong. “Lily, you’re my daughter. You come before the hospital, you come before Mark, you come before me. Forget the date. What happened?”
“Jake broke up with me for some slut on the dance team.” She stares at her hands.
Addison had thought that the boy her daughter had dated for five months was not a good idea, but she really hates him for being not a good idea who hurt her little girl. “Lily,” she sits down on the bed next to her. “I’m sorry, kiddo.”
“Yeah.” She sniffles again and plays with a tissue, crawling into her mother’s arms when she realizes that she can’t hold back the tears anymore.
Closing her arms around her daughter’s back, a small smile tugs at Addison’s lips as she realizes like mother, like daughter. Though she doesn’t like it (and she wasn’t thrilled to accidentally overhear it), she knows that her daughter is prone to sex-based relationships and even though they shouldn’t hurt at the end, they do. And Addison knows that better than most. She tips up Lily’s chin so she’s looking at her once the sobs have calmed. “You want company tonight?”
Lily feels awful and guilty because she knows that Addison’s had a hard week and that dinner with Mark is really what her mother needs and wants, but she makes a desperate face and nods a little. Her friends are really good at calling people names and getting her drunk and throwing darts at pictures but she kind of needs movies and lots of ice cream from the container and that’s their thing whenever one of them has a bad day or bad week or just needs to be cheered up.
“Okay,” Addison smiles and tucks Lily’s red hair behind her ear and wipes a stray tear before standing up and kissing her forehead. “Give me a sec.”
Addison quietly shuts the door behind her and goes downstairs to find her phone. Taking a deep breath, she dials Mark.
“You couldn’t wait an hour and a half?”
“I hate to do this but I have to cancel. Some jerk broke up with Lily and she’s kind of a wreck.” She pulls out a glass and pours a cup of water for Lily.
“Stay home, Addison. Does she want me to kill him for her?”
Addison laughs. “No, he’ll probably get syphilis from the girl he broke up with her for. I’ll let her know you offered.”
“Give her a hug for me, too. The St. Jude’s benefit thing in a couple weeks is black tie, right?”
“Yeah. Why, you need some help?” Addison smiles. The yearly benefit dinner and dance has always been one of her favorites but this is the first year she gets to go with someone she genuinely likes in more than the we’re-friends-and-don’t-want-to-go-alone way.
“I have a stylist, actually. But thanks.”
“Tell Kelly I say hi and that you are not allowed to wear sneakers of any kind with a tux.” She smiles as she hears him laughing at the other end. “I’m gonna get back to my kid.”
“Goodnight, Addison.”
--
Rolling her eyes, Lily shouts that she’s coming and races for the front door. Pulling it open, she fully expects to see the UPS guy with the box of books she’s been expecting for a few days but stops when she sees Mark instead. “She’s not here.”
He nods. “I know. I came to see you.”
Thoroughly confused, Lily shrugs and steps aside to let him in and pours him a glass of water without offering or him asking. “What’s up?”
Mark stares nervously at the ground for a while, unsure why this is hard. He knows why it’s awkward, but doesn’t know why it’s so hard. Taking a deep breath, he looks up and stares at Lily watching him from the counter and swinging her legs on the revolving cabinet door below her. “I want to ask your mom to marry me.”
Lily smiles quietly, somehow knowing that that’s why he showed up on their doorstep in the middle of the afternoon when he knew Addison would be out. “And because my grandparents are dead...”
He nods. “Yeah.”
Though tempted to make him squirm for a few minutes, she takes pity on the man that’s made her mother so happy and nods. “Only if you do the one knee and the speech thing.” She knows her mother well and while a simple question while curled up in bed or on the couch or an inspired moment of perfection would be wonderful, the fairy tale is so much better.
“Promise.”
“Then go for it.”
He smiles, relieved. “Thank you.”
She shrugs. “I should be the one thanking you. I’ve never seen her so happy.”
--
“Stop.” Kelly hops off the kitchen counter and walks over to her father and fixes his tie. “There.”
“I feel like an idiot in this,” Mark gestures down at his tuxedo.
She scoffs. “It’s black tie. And think of it this way. Addison’s going to be in four-inch heels or something. You can deal with looking like a penguin.”
“Do I really have to...”
“Yes,” she interrupts his whining. “Shut up. Get in the car. Go. And I don’t want you back here until at least tomorrow morning.”
Mark rolls his eyes at her but heads for the door anyway. “It isn’t prom, you know.”
“I know you booked a room at the Waldorf...”
“Leaving now.”
“You’re going to do great.” She gives him a reassuring smile and hug. “You got the ring?”
“Kel...” he starts, unable to shake the concern about the effect it will have on his daughter no matter how much truth he's heard.
Kelly lightly smacks his cheek. “Shut up. Go.”
--
“Damn.” Lily’s eyes take in her mother as the woman walks down the stairs in a floor-length deep emerald green gown, her hair perfectly styled, halfway up in loose curls that fall about her shoulders. She suddenly feels like a slob in her jeans and fitted Beatles t-shirt, even if they are both clean.
“Yeah?”
“Did you look in the mirror before you came down here?” Lily’s seen Addison go to many hospital events or benefits in her lifetime, she’s even seen her go to this one before, but she’s never seen her like this. “Stop fiddling.” She walks over to her and fixes her necklace for her and pulls her hands away from her earrings.
Addison bites her lip anxiously. “You think he’ll...”
“Mom,” Lily scolds, firmly silencing her mother. “You’ve been together for over a year and the guy is kind of disgustingly in love with you.” She keeps the knowing grin off her face and out of her eyes. She glances to the front door as she hears a car pull up. “Have fun.” She kisses Addison on the cheek and quietly runs upstairs.
--
“You are absolutely stunning,” Mark whispers and kisses her on the cheek as he steers her away from the overwhelming crowd and into a corner so they can have a moment to themselves without medical speak interrupting them.
Addison’s eyes light up and she takes her champagne glass away from her lips. “Thank you.” She smiles softly at him for a few moments and slowly finishes her drink, placing the empty glass on the tray of a server and politely declining his offer of a full glass.
Mark does the same and then steps in close to her and gently captures her lips with his. Slipping his arm around her lower back, he supports her as he slowly deepens the kiss, tracing his tongue across her lips before teasing them apart. She made him promise not to kiss her too much lest he mess up her lipstick but he figures that it feels too good and she looks to good and that’s why women have mirrors in their bathrooms and small handbags.
As he leads her out to the dance floor and the mass of waltzing couples, Addison tries to rub away any stray lipstick but then she’s cradled in his arms and fluidly turned and spun without missing a step. He expertly keeps them from running into anyone and Addison can’t tear her eyes away from his. Relaxed, he holds her confidently and gently twirls her around and pulls her back to him. Mark sneaks in for a quick peck on Addison’s lips and she takes the lead for a moment and steps in close, resting her head comfortably on his shoulder as the music slows. She breathes deeply and inhales his cologne and the underlying scent of simply Mark.
“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispers. “I gave up. I found someone else, found some kind of love.” He shakes his head when she lifts her head from his shoulder to look at him and keeps them moving with the crowd. “But then I lost her and it hurt like hell and I thought nothing would ever make that hurt go away. And then you showed up again and with one smile, you made it all better.” He gently kisses her temple. “You told me before you left Seattle another time, another place maybe and I thought it was just an excuse for why we didn’t work. Wrong place, wrong people, wrong situation. It always seemed to be that way for us. But now, another time and another place and definitely.”
He steps back and lifts her arm, inviting her to twirl. She smiles and spins and her breath quickens when he catches her.
“Will you marry me?” He hopes Lily will forgive him the lack of kneeling: he did the speech part.
Addison smiles, her eyes sparkling in happiness. “Yes.”
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Mark/Addison
Summary: Running into your father’s girlfriend in the kitchen is awkward; lunchtime conversations reference three movies at once; father/daughter crying time; boyfriend/girlfriend comforting-about-dead-wife time; nervousness about sex; mother/daughter comforting time; boyfriend talks to girlfriend’s daughter; dress up night.
Music: Maria Taylor :: A Good Start
Situational Note: I'm watching Pizza Wars on the Travel Channel and waiting for last night's perfection to calm before I try to reach nirvana again (yes) and this just happened. I'm not lame and hanging out on the computer while on vacation. The guy whose couch I'm crashing on is right next to me creating his own country. So, there you go.
part one
Bleary-eyed and exhausted with a headache and a strong hope that she isn’t the only one to remember the previous night’s activities, Kelly tumbles out of bed and groans when she sees the green lights on her alarm clock proclaiming 7:31 in the morning. She manages to rub her eyes and turn her pajama pants the right way before she stumbles out of her bedroom to grab some coffee since her body won’t let her fall back asleep.
“Oh. Hi.” Kelly stops short of the kitchen when she sees Addison pouring a cup of coffee while wearing a shirt that definitely belongs to her father and a pair of boxers she assumes also belong in her father’s dresser. She regains her senses and opens a cabinet to get her own mug and tries to act like it’s perfectly normal by avoiding eye contact and doing her best not to think of what would result in her father’s girlfriend staying the night and ending up in his clothing. As if this twenty-four hours couldn’t get any weirder, she thinks to herself. Watching two friends try to beat the hell out of each other over an air hockey game while having finished a bottle of vodka between them and trying to ignore two people having sex underneath the pool table she trying to kick her boyfriend’s ass on wasn’t exactly how she imagined her “going out” nights in New York. Things were a little calmer in Seattle. She likes the people here and she really appreciates that Lily sort of adopted her, but sometimes she really misses the comfort of an evening in the Grey-Shepherd basement with the other “intern kids” with surgical tapes and a bottle of tequila.
“Morning.” Addison smiles hesitantly and wonders when Mark is going to decide to get out of the shower. She notices confusion written all over the blonde’s face and suddenly has the urge to either laugh or run, she can’t decide which. “He didn’t tell you I stayed over?” Addison slips out of the corner of the kitchen to allow a tired Kelly full access to the coffee maker. She tells herself that there’s a perfectly logical reason for Mark not telling Kelly that she was sleeping over. After all, she is his daughter and running into each other in the kitchen before eight in the morning is awkward enough without a heads up.
“Left that one out,” she covers a yawn and drinks half of her cup and refills it. “I kinda stumbled in the door and fell into bed.” Kelly doesn’t need to say anything to announce that; last night’s eyeliner is smudged and she still has her earrings in. “If you stayed over,” she yawns again and grabs the orange juice out of the fridge, keeping the door open so she can hide behind it while she pours a glass to chase a multivitamin and a lot of aspirin, “why the hell was he out of bed when I came home?” She bumps the door shut with her hip.
“Because I’m your dad and she fell asleep on the couch.” Mark’s deep voice ends the conversation and he doesn’t elaborate further for his daughter’s sake; she’s intelligent, she can figure out on her own that there was no sex involved because he has no intention of her ever finding out about any of that.
Kelly shrugs. “Alright.” She’s discussed with him at length the fact that he doesn’t need to stay awake waiting for her to come home at night since she rarely stays out until curfew but he’s always said that he needs to do it for him so she’s learned to just let it go. As much as she wants to tell him that, because he now has a girlfriend and she’s not stupid and she knows that sometimes things happens even between adults even if she doesn’t want to think about it, he doesn’t need to put clothes on and get out of bed to make sure she gets home okay, she doesn’t know how to bring it up without making things more embarrassing.
Finished with her coffee, Addison smiles somewhat awkwardly. “I’m gonna...change and go home.”
“I’m going back to bed. Stay for breakfast.” Kelly doesn’t wait for a response and she trudges back into her room.
“No, I should get home anyway.”
“Hey,” Mark takes Addison’s coffee mug out of her hand and sets it down on the counter, enveloping her in a hug. “Sorry I didn’t tell her. She looked like...”
“I get it,” she smiles truthfully. “Exhausted kid, probably had a long night, don’t really want to add to it by saying the girlfriend stayed over and having to explain that you’re out of bed because there wasn’t sex involved and I pretty much told you to.”
“Right.”
--
“Oh!” Addison leans against the wall and stares at Lily wearing the most knowing and smirking grin possible. “Why are you awake?”
“It’s not like I didn’t know you were coming home in the morning.”
Addison sets her jaw and sighs. “I feel that I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but there was no sex involved. I fell asleep on his couch.” She raises her eyebrow and firmly ends the conversation and heads to go upstairs for a shower.
“Well, when you do? Don’t tell me. I’d like to keep thinking that sex is something my mother just doesn’t do even if that’s finally not the truth.”
Addison shakes her head and laughs and turns from the landing to look back down. “If I find another condom in a back pocket of your jeans in the laundry basket, I’m telling you.” While she’s laughing, the look she gives Lily is serious.
--
“So. How’s the Parent Trap going?”
“Shut up, American Beauty.” Lily crumples up a napkin and throws it at the newcomer to the table.
Kelly slides in next to her. “Seriously, Scott. We’re not twins and this isn’t summer camp.”
Scott decides not to point out to the new girl that sometimes things aren’t meant to be taken seriously. “But you and Lil met at band camp and that’s ow, don’t kick me.” He glares at Lily.
“It’s an extra syllable. It’s not that hard. Anyway. They like each other and go out at least once a week, so.” She shrugs and takes a sip of her soda. Lily pauses and looks at him over the edge of the can and sets it down. “Your mind is not going there. You are not using the fact that my mother might be having sex sometime soon and that I probably don’t want to be in the house for it to get me to go out with you. Don’t even.”
“Who says I was going to ask you?”
Lily glances over at Kelly. “You want to go out with him?”
“No,” she says a little uneasily, still unaccustomed to the interpersonal dynamics of Lily and her friends.
“Well that’s settled. Bother somebody else.”
“Why am I even friends with you?”
“Because if you friend-divorce me, I’ll tell everyone that it was me who broke your arm in kindergarten, not a bad fall.” She smiles devilishly.
“I was five, it shouldn’t count.”
“I can do it again and make it count if you’d like.”
Scott clutches his arm. “That’s okay. I’ll see you guys later.”
“Did you really...?”
Lily laughs and rests her head on the table for a moment. “It was an accident, I swear.” She switches topics. “You really think they’re hitting it off well? Or that they’re doing it because they want to make us feel all good about it.”
Kelly sets down her sandwich and turns to her friend. “Look. My parents married because of me. They were happy and all but...the way he looks when he talks about your mom? It’s right out of a classic movie or something.” She blinks at Lily’s grin. “What?”
“You really are a romantic.” Lily knows that she’s too young to be jaded and she isn’t, but she has a certain healthy dose of cynicism about her.
She blushes. “It’s my mom’s fault. I think ‘Some Day My Prince Will Come’ was her theme song since she was born.” Shrugging, she shifts the topic; Izzie’s death still hurts and she doesn’t like talking about it too much especially with the anniversary of it coming up soon. “Why aren’t you? You like chick flicks just as much as I do.”
“I’m a sperm donor baby.”
--
“Hey,” Mark carefully sits on the edge of Kelly’s bed and shakes her shoulder. “You good to go today?” He asks, concerned once she lifts her head from the pillow and looks at him. Mark smoothes back her hair and nods when she shakes her head. “Yeah, me neither.”
“I miss her,” Kelly says, muffled into her pillow. Her voice, thick with the tears that she’s been holding back for days, shakes as her father gently rubs her back.
Mark feels the tension in Kelly’s body and softly encourages her to sit up and he doesn’t need to do anything to get her to crawl into his hug; he barely has his arms open before his daughter is there, crying on his shoulder. He holds her tightly and lightly rocks her back and forth and wonders if this day will ever get any easier for them. Izzie was always the comforter, the one who knew just how to hug Kelly when she needed it to make her feel better and all Mark can do is hope that he’s even half as good as she was at putting a smile back on his daughter’s face. He discovered long ago that words don’t ease the pain so he simply holds her and rubs her back and guides her to his other shoulder when she pretends like she’s done.
Kelly stays put for a while after she’s settled down, content to be surrounded by the warm protection of her dad’s hug. “Thank you,” she whispers hoarsely and blinks away even more tears and hopes that some day it won’t hurt so much. She wants it to hurt so she can remember, but she doesn’t want it to be blinding pain forever. “Can you call school?”
“Already done,” he smiles, having known that there was no way she would have made it through second period. He offers her a box of tissues and she nods with a soft smile of thanks. She catches something in his eyes, something distant and hurting and she impulsively hugs him. With the death of her mother at the age of thirteen, she was forced to grow up quickly and so was her father. His first and only legitimate relationship was with her mother and until then, he’d only had to worry about himself and suddenly he was left on his own again, clueless and with a thirteen year-old daughter. “I love you,” she whispers, a murmur of her thanks for him pulling himself together and making it easier for her.
Mark takes a deep breath and hugs her in return, holding on as long as he needs as the comforting roles reverse. “I miss her so much,” he admits shakily. Taking a deep breath with a few tears dropping onto his daughter’s shoulder, he whispers the secret he’s been holding onto so tightly. “And I feel so guilty.”
Kelly nods and tightens her arms, knowing exactly what he’s talking about. “She’d want you to be happy, Dad.”
He nods and convinces himself that he’s ready to pull away and then grabs a tissue from the box next to them. “What do you want to do today?” He smiles once he’s gotten control of his voice again.
Her still-watery eyes light up. “Shopping?”
“I don’t know why I even ask.”
--
It isn’t half an hour after Lily’s car door slams as she disappears to Washington DC for a few days before Mark drives up. Addison wonders if he timed that intentionally, giving her enough time to think about the weekend but not enough time to panic about the fact that it’s probably the first time since her first time that she’s had so much pressure to have sex. Both their girls are gone for the weekend and they’ve been dating for three months (and, frankly, they’re both impressed that they’ve kept their hands off each other this long) and it just seems logical. She tells herself that it’s silly to be a little apprehensive about the weekend; Mark won’t push her, she won’t push him, and it isn’t like they haven’t done this before.
“Hey,” Mark catches his thumb on her chin after she shuts the door behind him. He kisses her softly and then wraps his arms around her. Nuzzling her neck, he rubs her back as she gives him an extra squeeze. “There’s dinner in the car,” he whispers.
“I though you were making dinner.” She steps back and leans against the door handle.
“I am. It’s in parts and requires a stove and some of your pots.”
She looks at him askance. “Since when do you cook more than spaghetti?”
“Who was I married to for thirteen years?” He grins and then suddenly stops and drops his gaze. “Sorry.”
Addison makes a face and shakes her head. “Don’t apologize for bringing her up. She was a huge part of your life.” Her eyes soften and she steps away from the door and closer to him. “What’s wrong?”
“She died four years ago last Tuesday.”
Sighing, Addison shakes her head. “Why don’t you tell me these things?” She circles her arms around him and rests her head against his shoulder and feels his arms come up around her back, holding her to him tightly. Placing a kiss on his cheek, she stands on her toes and tries to envelop him in her arms even more as she feels him take a shaky breath.
Mark closes his eyes and nestles his head in the crook of her shoulder and lets go of a few tears. Izzie may not have been the love of his life but when he thinks about it, she came really damn close. She made him happier than he’d ever been, she gave him a daughter and perhaps most of all, she helped him forget the pain Addison caused and helped him remember that good things are allowed to happen to everyone.
He holds tightly onto Addison and finds himself crying harder than he thought. He’d had trouble letting go when Izzie died; he often woke up in the middle of the night clutching her pillow or spending the night on the couch and pretending that he fell asleep watching television because he couldn’t stand to be in that bed alone. Derek had been by his side through all of it, standing next to him at her funeral with his hand on his shoulder for support much like Mark had when Derek’s father died. Despite friendship and a slow drift back to normal, he gave up trying to will away the dreams of her sleeping next to him and the firm belief that he’d walk downstairs and she’d be making French toast and moved them to New York. He hadn’t even given thought to the idea that he was trading pain upon seeing memories of his wife at every turn for the possibility of deeply-buried memories of Addison being dug up every time he passed the hot dog vendor on the street corner by Mt. Sinai.
“I’m sorry,” he apologizes.
“Don’t. I told you. Don’t apologize.”
“Addison, I’m with you. I shouldn’t be crying over...”
“Yes, you should. Mark, you were with her for fourteen years. That’s a hell of a long time to be with someone, whether you’re truly in love with them or not. You’re allowed to be upset.” She catches his chin and tips his head up. “It’s okay that it still hurts.”
He nods and wipes away his tears, looking slightly embarrassed though he knows she has a point. “I’m going to make you dinner.”
Addison blocks his way to the door. “I’m not mad at you for moving on, Mark,” she says gently and honestly, knowing that it’s been his silent worry since their first cup of coffee together.
He offers her a small smile. “Thank you.”
--
Mark places a kiss on her temple and combs his fingers through her hair as he watches her sleep happily on his chest. They still have it, both of them, even though (and they’ve both sheepishly admitted to this) neither one of them has had sex in four years. His name still sounds just as delicious leaving her lips as it did the first time, maybe even more so, and it still feels incredible as she trembles beneath him in orgasm. He turns his attentions to her bare shoulder and draws light designs on her soft skin.
“Mmm,” she smiles contently and lifts her head, resting the other cheek on his chest so she can look at him.
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Addison reaches up and traces the lines of his face. “That’s okay.” She quietly runs a finger across his definitive cheekbone and down his nose, over his chin and down to his shoulder, following the path of his collarbone until she reaches his chest and lays her palm against him.
“I love you,” he whispers softly. He watches her for a reaction and he isn’t sure how to take the soft bite of her lip and hint of a smile. “I just wanted you to know. That’s all.” He never stopped loving her, it turned into a quieter and smaller kind of love for a while, one that was too painful to feel every day but was sometimes nice to remember.
Her smile grows wider. “I love you, too.”
--
“Hey,” Addison looks up from the mail as Lily walks in the door. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she whispers and walks rapidly but dejectedly through the kitchen and up the stairs to her room.
Normally, Addison would have let it slide as a bad day, bad practice, bad test score, PMS, any number of things but there was a shakiness to her daughter’s voice that she hadn’t heard in a while. After a few seconds of blinking to herself, she puts down the mail and follows Lily upstairs.
“Lily. What happened?”
Upset with herself for not shutting her bedroom door immediately, Lily sniffles. “It’s nothing. You have a date with McWonderful tonight, don’t worry about it.”
Addison winces internally at the nickname, having really hoped that everyone was past giving everyone a McName (and blames it on Kelly and the likelihood that she was babysat more than once by Cristina Yang), but senses that something’s really wrong. “Lily, you’re my daughter. You come before the hospital, you come before Mark, you come before me. Forget the date. What happened?”
“Jake broke up with me for some slut on the dance team.” She stares at her hands.
Addison had thought that the boy her daughter had dated for five months was not a good idea, but she really hates him for being not a good idea who hurt her little girl. “Lily,” she sits down on the bed next to her. “I’m sorry, kiddo.”
“Yeah.” She sniffles again and plays with a tissue, crawling into her mother’s arms when she realizes that she can’t hold back the tears anymore.
Closing her arms around her daughter’s back, a small smile tugs at Addison’s lips as she realizes like mother, like daughter. Though she doesn’t like it (and she wasn’t thrilled to accidentally overhear it), she knows that her daughter is prone to sex-based relationships and even though they shouldn’t hurt at the end, they do. And Addison knows that better than most. She tips up Lily’s chin so she’s looking at her once the sobs have calmed. “You want company tonight?”
Lily feels awful and guilty because she knows that Addison’s had a hard week and that dinner with Mark is really what her mother needs and wants, but she makes a desperate face and nods a little. Her friends are really good at calling people names and getting her drunk and throwing darts at pictures but she kind of needs movies and lots of ice cream from the container and that’s their thing whenever one of them has a bad day or bad week or just needs to be cheered up.
“Okay,” Addison smiles and tucks Lily’s red hair behind her ear and wipes a stray tear before standing up and kissing her forehead. “Give me a sec.”
Addison quietly shuts the door behind her and goes downstairs to find her phone. Taking a deep breath, she dials Mark.
“You couldn’t wait an hour and a half?”
“I hate to do this but I have to cancel. Some jerk broke up with Lily and she’s kind of a wreck.” She pulls out a glass and pours a cup of water for Lily.
“Stay home, Addison. Does she want me to kill him for her?”
Addison laughs. “No, he’ll probably get syphilis from the girl he broke up with her for. I’ll let her know you offered.”
“Give her a hug for me, too. The St. Jude’s benefit thing in a couple weeks is black tie, right?”
“Yeah. Why, you need some help?” Addison smiles. The yearly benefit dinner and dance has always been one of her favorites but this is the first year she gets to go with someone she genuinely likes in more than the we’re-friends-and-don’t-want-to-go-alone way.
“I have a stylist, actually. But thanks.”
“Tell Kelly I say hi and that you are not allowed to wear sneakers of any kind with a tux.” She smiles as she hears him laughing at the other end. “I’m gonna get back to my kid.”
“Goodnight, Addison.”
--
Rolling her eyes, Lily shouts that she’s coming and races for the front door. Pulling it open, she fully expects to see the UPS guy with the box of books she’s been expecting for a few days but stops when she sees Mark instead. “She’s not here.”
He nods. “I know. I came to see you.”
Thoroughly confused, Lily shrugs and steps aside to let him in and pours him a glass of water without offering or him asking. “What’s up?”
Mark stares nervously at the ground for a while, unsure why this is hard. He knows why it’s awkward, but doesn’t know why it’s so hard. Taking a deep breath, he looks up and stares at Lily watching him from the counter and swinging her legs on the revolving cabinet door below her. “I want to ask your mom to marry me.”
Lily smiles quietly, somehow knowing that that’s why he showed up on their doorstep in the middle of the afternoon when he knew Addison would be out. “And because my grandparents are dead...”
He nods. “Yeah.”
Though tempted to make him squirm for a few minutes, she takes pity on the man that’s made her mother so happy and nods. “Only if you do the one knee and the speech thing.” She knows her mother well and while a simple question while curled up in bed or on the couch or an inspired moment of perfection would be wonderful, the fairy tale is so much better.
“Promise.”
“Then go for it.”
He smiles, relieved. “Thank you.”
She shrugs. “I should be the one thanking you. I’ve never seen her so happy.”
--
“Stop.” Kelly hops off the kitchen counter and walks over to her father and fixes his tie. “There.”
“I feel like an idiot in this,” Mark gestures down at his tuxedo.
She scoffs. “It’s black tie. And think of it this way. Addison’s going to be in four-inch heels or something. You can deal with looking like a penguin.”
“Do I really have to...”
“Yes,” she interrupts his whining. “Shut up. Get in the car. Go. And I don’t want you back here until at least tomorrow morning.”
Mark rolls his eyes at her but heads for the door anyway. “It isn’t prom, you know.”
“I know you booked a room at the Waldorf...”
“Leaving now.”
“You’re going to do great.” She gives him a reassuring smile and hug. “You got the ring?”
“Kel...” he starts, unable to shake the concern about the effect it will have on his daughter no matter how much truth he's heard.
Kelly lightly smacks his cheek. “Shut up. Go.”
--
“Damn.” Lily’s eyes take in her mother as the woman walks down the stairs in a floor-length deep emerald green gown, her hair perfectly styled, halfway up in loose curls that fall about her shoulders. She suddenly feels like a slob in her jeans and fitted Beatles t-shirt, even if they are both clean.
“Yeah?”
“Did you look in the mirror before you came down here?” Lily’s seen Addison go to many hospital events or benefits in her lifetime, she’s even seen her go to this one before, but she’s never seen her like this. “Stop fiddling.” She walks over to her and fixes her necklace for her and pulls her hands away from her earrings.
Addison bites her lip anxiously. “You think he’ll...”
“Mom,” Lily scolds, firmly silencing her mother. “You’ve been together for over a year and the guy is kind of disgustingly in love with you.” She keeps the knowing grin off her face and out of her eyes. She glances to the front door as she hears a car pull up. “Have fun.” She kisses Addison on the cheek and quietly runs upstairs.
--
“You are absolutely stunning,” Mark whispers and kisses her on the cheek as he steers her away from the overwhelming crowd and into a corner so they can have a moment to themselves without medical speak interrupting them.
Addison’s eyes light up and she takes her champagne glass away from her lips. “Thank you.” She smiles softly at him for a few moments and slowly finishes her drink, placing the empty glass on the tray of a server and politely declining his offer of a full glass.
Mark does the same and then steps in close to her and gently captures her lips with his. Slipping his arm around her lower back, he supports her as he slowly deepens the kiss, tracing his tongue across her lips before teasing them apart. She made him promise not to kiss her too much lest he mess up her lipstick but he figures that it feels too good and she looks to good and that’s why women have mirrors in their bathrooms and small handbags.
As he leads her out to the dance floor and the mass of waltzing couples, Addison tries to rub away any stray lipstick but then she’s cradled in his arms and fluidly turned and spun without missing a step. He expertly keeps them from running into anyone and Addison can’t tear her eyes away from his. Relaxed, he holds her confidently and gently twirls her around and pulls her back to him. Mark sneaks in for a quick peck on Addison’s lips and she takes the lead for a moment and steps in close, resting her head comfortably on his shoulder as the music slows. She breathes deeply and inhales his cologne and the underlying scent of simply Mark.
“I thought I’d lost you,” he whispers. “I gave up. I found someone else, found some kind of love.” He shakes his head when she lifts her head from his shoulder to look at him and keeps them moving with the crowd. “But then I lost her and it hurt like hell and I thought nothing would ever make that hurt go away. And then you showed up again and with one smile, you made it all better.” He gently kisses her temple. “You told me before you left Seattle another time, another place maybe and I thought it was just an excuse for why we didn’t work. Wrong place, wrong people, wrong situation. It always seemed to be that way for us. But now, another time and another place and definitely.”
He steps back and lifts her arm, inviting her to twirl. She smiles and spins and her breath quickens when he catches her.
“Will you marry me?” He hopes Lily will forgive him the lack of kneeling: he did the speech part.
Addison smiles, her eyes sparkling in happiness. “Yes.”