Fic: Fighting Fire With Fire (NC-17) (part 1/2)
For the Halloween Costume Challenge at jim_and_bones.
Picture prompt: firefighter. But I thought he really looked like a stripper, which is how this happened.
Fighting Fire with Fire
October 26th, Old Earth Calendar.
“All right, people; I think the mission plan looks good-it’s really shaping up. As always, I’m impressed by the work that all the department heads have put into planning. Now, does anyone have any new ship-wide business?” Jim asked.
Leonard could tell Jim had something he wanted to bring up when everyone else was done; he had that slightly manic glint in his eyes that Bones recognized as childlike excitement.
Nobody spoke up.
“No? All right. I have some new business. Anyone following the Earth calendar knows we’re at the end of October, and anyone from North America knows what that means!” Jim said, rubbing his hands together and smiling widely.
The two non-human department heads waited politely for someone to respond, and the three humans not from the North American area looked blank. Bones put his forehead in his palm, suddenly realizing what had Jim all excited.
“Nobody? Okay-make me say it. That’s fine. Halloween!” Jim said. “On the old Earth calendar, it’s five days from today.”
“Oh, aye!” Scotty said, eyes brightening. “I know that one! Where the children dress up in costumes, and go door to door begging for sweets!”
“But there are no children on this ship,” Spock said, frowning slightly.
“How long have you been on board, Spock?” Leonard asked. “Look right next to you, at the guy in the gold shirt with all the fancy braids on the wrists.”
“Shush, Bones! C’mon, it’ll be fun!” Jim said. “We can all dress up-well, anyone who isn’t a stick-in-the-mud, that is-and trick-or-treat all over the ship. Well, except in restricted or hazardous areas,” he amended.
Half the room still stared at him blankly. Leonard sighed, and took pity on them.
“What the Captain is suggesting is that we put on costumes-historical characters, fictional characters, animals, even objects-and parade around the ship, with each department handing out treats to the paraders,” Bones explained.
“It’s fun,” Scotty said.
“How ‘bout it people?” Jim asked. “Anyone strenuously against the idea?” Jim asked, as Leonard’s hand shot up in the air. “But Doctor, aren’t you always saying that the crew needs to find ways to relieve stress?”
“It wasn’t the ship’s doctor voting; it was your boyfriend, who knows he’s gonna get sucked into this madness big time,” Bones muttered.
“I don’t see any hands,” Jim said, as Leonard waved his hand wildly in the air, “so I guess it’s a ‘go.’ Excellent. I’ll have the ship’s historian post instructions, along with some costume suggestions. Participation is optional, of course. And, since nobody else had any new business, this staff meeting is adjourned, at 0903 hours. Dismissed. And have fun.”
~!~!~!~
Jim got home first that night, as sickbay had been busy all afternoon. When Leonard came in the door of their quarters, he found Jim poring over page after page of costume suggestions from the ship’s historian, who was happy to have something to do that the entire ship might pay attention to. He’d come up with what looked like photos from an old Halloween costume catalog, as well as a variety of options from other cultural traditions, including from many non-human species.
“Bones! Bones! I have the perfect one-look at this!” Jim said, pointing to the picture he’d enlarged.
Leonard leaned over Jim’s shoulder to examine the photo. It was a picture of a toned-looking fellow, with ripped abs, wearing black boots, black pants with a bright stripe up the side, a similar coat (though open up the front to display the tasty-looking abs), and an oddly-shaped helmet, with the back brim longer than the front one. He stared at the picture again, and couldn’t imagine what the outfit was supposed to represent. The shape of the helmet looked vaguely familiar, but the outfit itself didn’t ring a bell.
“I give up,” he said. “What’s he supposed to be?”
“A firefighter!” Jim announced.
“Looks more like a stripper to me,” Bones said, eyeing the abs.
“Well, in that picture, he probably is-it’s just a costume; not the real thing. But he looks pretty damned hot, anyhow. Kinda reminds me of you. But here’s the real thing,” Jim said, swiping a finger across the screen to reveal the next photo. “I found this in the archives. Early 21st century firefighter, from the former United States.”
Leonard could see from the second photo that the gear was serious-heavy, thick canvas, with equally heavy-looking rubber boots. The helmet looked much more substantial than in the previous picture, and the fellow also had a cylindrical tank on his back.
“I guess this looks more … real, but I still don’t really know what I’m looking at,” Leonard admitted.
“Firefighter, Bones! These guys actually used water to put out fires in buildings, back when it was still allowed to build with combustible materials. And way before Global Emergency Transport To Safety. They’d go inside to rescue people who were trapped.”
“People went inside burning structures? On purpose?” Leonard said.
“Well, think about it, Bones. If people are still inside, and you don’t have transporters, so there’s no such thing as the ‘GET To Safety’ network yet, what else can you do?”
Leonard thought about it, and shuddered. “I guess so,” he said. “But … damn.”
“Damn indeed. So anyhow, that’s what I’m gonna be. Obsolete for nearly a century, but cool nonetheless.”
“Not so sure if ‘cool’ is the word I’d pick,” Leonard said.
“And what’re you gonna be, Bones?” Jim asked, closing the photos.
“You think I’m actually going to dress up?” McCoy said, scowling with the expression Jim was sure had been invented just for him.
“Yep,” Jim said, nodding his head. “I do.”
“And you think this because …”
“Because no matter how bad you don’t wanna do something silly, I always find a way to con you into it,” Jim said.
“Good point,” Leonard said. “All right. Since resistance is apparently going to be futile, lemme have a look at that catalog the historian sent around.”
“You could be a firefighter too, Bones-we could match!” Jim said.
“Not a chance,” Leonard said. “Too juvenile-to match, I mean. Plus, even thinking about what that job must’ve been like gives me the willies.”
“Well … how about if you go with the same time period, at least? Maybe something more along your personality lines?” Jim suggested.
Leonard sighed. “Okay. I know when I’m beaten. But here’s the deal. I’m not, repeat, not, telling you what I’m gonna be, until you see the costume on Halloween itself. You can wheedle, beg, and whine all you want-and mind you, if it gets to be too much, I may just bow out entirely-but you’re not gonna know a thing until the day itself. Because I know you, and I know you’re either gonna try to talk me out of whatever I pick, or more likely, talk me in to whatever it is you already have in mind for me. So that’s the deal. I’ll play along and dress up, but it’s all secret until that day. Deal?”
Jim stared at Bones for a long moment. “All right. I also know when I’m beat. So it’s a deal.”
“Shake on it?” Bones said, putting his hand out.
Jim spat in his hand and shook Leonard’s hand.
“Gross!” McCoy said, pulling his hand away. “Don’t you know how many germs are in saliva?”
“You didn’t seem too worried about germs this morning,” Jim pointed out, “when you-”
Leonard silenced him with a kiss that was both scorching and ironic. “Good point,” he said, when he finally pulled away.
~!~!~!~
October 27th.
“That’s not gonna get you anywhere, kid,” Bones said.
Jim jumped a foot in the air, and put Leonard’s padd down guiltily.
“There’s nothing on there that would give you a hint. In fact, there’s no evidence anywhere that will help you figure it out. So just give up, Jim. You’re not gonna find out, unless I suddenly start talking in my sleep.”
Jim was quiet for a few seconds.
“And no, damn it, there aren’t any drugs that will make me talk in my sleep, so just … stop those infernal wheels in your brain from turning. Put the brakes on. For both our sakes.”
~!~!~!~
October 28th.
“Check it out, Bones!” Jim said, as he laid the heavy-looking costume out on the bed. It was all there-boots, helmet, thick pants, suspenders, a fabric hood, and a heavy coat with pockets everywhere.
“Nice,” Leonard said. “Seriously. That replicator technology is amazing. Spooky, but amazing.”
“How far up are you on the list, Bones? For your costume?”
“Oh, I’ll have it in time for the event. And before you even try, I had Spock encrypt my request, so that even you can’t get at it. I didn’t let him see it before he locked it down, either, so don’t try to bamboozle it out of him, either.”
“I don’t think bamboozling actually works on Vulcans,” Jim said. “Because believe me, I’ve tried. Repeatedly, for many reasons.”
~!~!~!~
October 29th.
Leonard was finishing reading over Lieutenant Markham’s chart when Christine Chapel tapped on his open door.
“Chris-what’s up?”
“Just thought you’d like to know that a certain starship captain has been extremely interested lately in what various people in the medical department are going to be for Halloween. I figured this was something between you and him, so I tried to stay out of it. But Geoffrey told him he didn’t think you were dressing up at all.”
Leonard grinned up at her. “Well, you do always have your finger on the pulse of sickbay, don’t you? Anyhow, yes, he’s trying to find out, but he won’t, because nobody knows but me. And I’m not telling.”
“So you are dressing up?” Chapel asked, eyebrows rising.
“Oh, yes. Yes, I most certainly am.”
~!~!~!~
October 30th.
“Jim!” Leonard bellowed, the moment he entered their quarters.
Something smelled. He couldn’t quite identify the smell, but it wasn’t pleasant.
“Yes?” Jim stepped out from behind the partition that separated the living area from the sleeping area.
Leonard froze as he looked Jim up and down.
The costume was astounding. The boots gave him at least another inch of height, and the bulky coat broadened him in just the right way. The smear of soot on his forehead was sexy for reasons that McCoy couldn’t quite comprehend, and the thick gloves, attached to the coat by a Velcro strap, just served to remind Leonard of everything the hands that would wear them had ever done to him. And in the context of the outfit, the smell-an earthy, sooty, aroma, part woodsmoke and part something else-was sexy too. The newly-synthesized smell that Leonard had just been about to complain about actually made the outfit even more spectacular.
“Never mind,” he muttered, as he closed the gap between the two of them. “That’s …”
“It’s hot, huh Bones?” Jim said, grinning so widely his molars were visible.
“Yeah.” Leonard cleared his throat. “Can’t say quite why, exactly, but yeah, darlin’. It sure is.”
“Thought so. Now-you sure you don’t wanna give me a sneak preview of your getup?”
Leonard didn’t answer-he just started ripping open Velcro, and pulling down the hidden zipper on the heavy coat.
Part 2/2 here.
Picture prompt: firefighter. But I thought he really looked like a stripper, which is how this happened.
Fighting Fire with Fire
October 26th, Old Earth Calendar.
“All right, people; I think the mission plan looks good-it’s really shaping up. As always, I’m impressed by the work that all the department heads have put into planning. Now, does anyone have any new ship-wide business?” Jim asked.
Leonard could tell Jim had something he wanted to bring up when everyone else was done; he had that slightly manic glint in his eyes that Bones recognized as childlike excitement.
Nobody spoke up.
“No? All right. I have some new business. Anyone following the Earth calendar knows we’re at the end of October, and anyone from North America knows what that means!” Jim said, rubbing his hands together and smiling widely.
The two non-human department heads waited politely for someone to respond, and the three humans not from the North American area looked blank. Bones put his forehead in his palm, suddenly realizing what had Jim all excited.
“Nobody? Okay-make me say it. That’s fine. Halloween!” Jim said. “On the old Earth calendar, it’s five days from today.”
“Oh, aye!” Scotty said, eyes brightening. “I know that one! Where the children dress up in costumes, and go door to door begging for sweets!”
“But there are no children on this ship,” Spock said, frowning slightly.
“How long have you been on board, Spock?” Leonard asked. “Look right next to you, at the guy in the gold shirt with all the fancy braids on the wrists.”
“Shush, Bones! C’mon, it’ll be fun!” Jim said. “We can all dress up-well, anyone who isn’t a stick-in-the-mud, that is-and trick-or-treat all over the ship. Well, except in restricted or hazardous areas,” he amended.
Half the room still stared at him blankly. Leonard sighed, and took pity on them.
“What the Captain is suggesting is that we put on costumes-historical characters, fictional characters, animals, even objects-and parade around the ship, with each department handing out treats to the paraders,” Bones explained.
“It’s fun,” Scotty said.
“How ‘bout it people?” Jim asked. “Anyone strenuously against the idea?” Jim asked, as Leonard’s hand shot up in the air. “But Doctor, aren’t you always saying that the crew needs to find ways to relieve stress?”
“It wasn’t the ship’s doctor voting; it was your boyfriend, who knows he’s gonna get sucked into this madness big time,” Bones muttered.
“I don’t see any hands,” Jim said, as Leonard waved his hand wildly in the air, “so I guess it’s a ‘go.’ Excellent. I’ll have the ship’s historian post instructions, along with some costume suggestions. Participation is optional, of course. And, since nobody else had any new business, this staff meeting is adjourned, at 0903 hours. Dismissed. And have fun.”
~!~!~!~
Jim got home first that night, as sickbay had been busy all afternoon. When Leonard came in the door of their quarters, he found Jim poring over page after page of costume suggestions from the ship’s historian, who was happy to have something to do that the entire ship might pay attention to. He’d come up with what looked like photos from an old Halloween costume catalog, as well as a variety of options from other cultural traditions, including from many non-human species.
“Bones! Bones! I have the perfect one-look at this!” Jim said, pointing to the picture he’d enlarged.
Leonard leaned over Jim’s shoulder to examine the photo. It was a picture of a toned-looking fellow, with ripped abs, wearing black boots, black pants with a bright stripe up the side, a similar coat (though open up the front to display the tasty-looking abs), and an oddly-shaped helmet, with the back brim longer than the front one. He stared at the picture again, and couldn’t imagine what the outfit was supposed to represent. The shape of the helmet looked vaguely familiar, but the outfit itself didn’t ring a bell.
“I give up,” he said. “What’s he supposed to be?”
“A firefighter!” Jim announced.
“Looks more like a stripper to me,” Bones said, eyeing the abs.
“Well, in that picture, he probably is-it’s just a costume; not the real thing. But he looks pretty damned hot, anyhow. Kinda reminds me of you. But here’s the real thing,” Jim said, swiping a finger across the screen to reveal the next photo. “I found this in the archives. Early 21st century firefighter, from the former United States.”
Leonard could see from the second photo that the gear was serious-heavy, thick canvas, with equally heavy-looking rubber boots. The helmet looked much more substantial than in the previous picture, and the fellow also had a cylindrical tank on his back.
“I guess this looks more … real, but I still don’t really know what I’m looking at,” Leonard admitted.
“Firefighter, Bones! These guys actually used water to put out fires in buildings, back when it was still allowed to build with combustible materials. And way before Global Emergency Transport To Safety. They’d go inside to rescue people who were trapped.”
“People went inside burning structures? On purpose?” Leonard said.
“Well, think about it, Bones. If people are still inside, and you don’t have transporters, so there’s no such thing as the ‘GET To Safety’ network yet, what else can you do?”
Leonard thought about it, and shuddered. “I guess so,” he said. “But … damn.”
“Damn indeed. So anyhow, that’s what I’m gonna be. Obsolete for nearly a century, but cool nonetheless.”
“Not so sure if ‘cool’ is the word I’d pick,” Leonard said.
“And what’re you gonna be, Bones?” Jim asked, closing the photos.
“You think I’m actually going to dress up?” McCoy said, scowling with the expression Jim was sure had been invented just for him.
“Yep,” Jim said, nodding his head. “I do.”
“And you think this because …”
“Because no matter how bad you don’t wanna do something silly, I always find a way to con you into it,” Jim said.
“Good point,” Leonard said. “All right. Since resistance is apparently going to be futile, lemme have a look at that catalog the historian sent around.”
“You could be a firefighter too, Bones-we could match!” Jim said.
“Not a chance,” Leonard said. “Too juvenile-to match, I mean. Plus, even thinking about what that job must’ve been like gives me the willies.”
“Well … how about if you go with the same time period, at least? Maybe something more along your personality lines?” Jim suggested.
Leonard sighed. “Okay. I know when I’m beaten. But here’s the deal. I’m not, repeat, not, telling you what I’m gonna be, until you see the costume on Halloween itself. You can wheedle, beg, and whine all you want-and mind you, if it gets to be too much, I may just bow out entirely-but you’re not gonna know a thing until the day itself. Because I know you, and I know you’re either gonna try to talk me out of whatever I pick, or more likely, talk me in to whatever it is you already have in mind for me. So that’s the deal. I’ll play along and dress up, but it’s all secret until that day. Deal?”
Jim stared at Bones for a long moment. “All right. I also know when I’m beat. So it’s a deal.”
“Shake on it?” Bones said, putting his hand out.
Jim spat in his hand and shook Leonard’s hand.
“Gross!” McCoy said, pulling his hand away. “Don’t you know how many germs are in saliva?”
“You didn’t seem too worried about germs this morning,” Jim pointed out, “when you-”
Leonard silenced him with a kiss that was both scorching and ironic. “Good point,” he said, when he finally pulled away.
~!~!~!~
October 27th.
“That’s not gonna get you anywhere, kid,” Bones said.
Jim jumped a foot in the air, and put Leonard’s padd down guiltily.
“There’s nothing on there that would give you a hint. In fact, there’s no evidence anywhere that will help you figure it out. So just give up, Jim. You’re not gonna find out, unless I suddenly start talking in my sleep.”
Jim was quiet for a few seconds.
“And no, damn it, there aren’t any drugs that will make me talk in my sleep, so just … stop those infernal wheels in your brain from turning. Put the brakes on. For both our sakes.”
~!~!~!~
October 28th.
“Check it out, Bones!” Jim said, as he laid the heavy-looking costume out on the bed. It was all there-boots, helmet, thick pants, suspenders, a fabric hood, and a heavy coat with pockets everywhere.
“Nice,” Leonard said. “Seriously. That replicator technology is amazing. Spooky, but amazing.”
“How far up are you on the list, Bones? For your costume?”
“Oh, I’ll have it in time for the event. And before you even try, I had Spock encrypt my request, so that even you can’t get at it. I didn’t let him see it before he locked it down, either, so don’t try to bamboozle it out of him, either.”
“I don’t think bamboozling actually works on Vulcans,” Jim said. “Because believe me, I’ve tried. Repeatedly, for many reasons.”
~!~!~!~
October 29th.
Leonard was finishing reading over Lieutenant Markham’s chart when Christine Chapel tapped on his open door.
“Chris-what’s up?”
“Just thought you’d like to know that a certain starship captain has been extremely interested lately in what various people in the medical department are going to be for Halloween. I figured this was something between you and him, so I tried to stay out of it. But Geoffrey told him he didn’t think you were dressing up at all.”
Leonard grinned up at her. “Well, you do always have your finger on the pulse of sickbay, don’t you? Anyhow, yes, he’s trying to find out, but he won’t, because nobody knows but me. And I’m not telling.”
“So you are dressing up?” Chapel asked, eyebrows rising.
“Oh, yes. Yes, I most certainly am.”
~!~!~!~
October 30th.
“Jim!” Leonard bellowed, the moment he entered their quarters.
Something smelled. He couldn’t quite identify the smell, but it wasn’t pleasant.
“Yes?” Jim stepped out from behind the partition that separated the living area from the sleeping area.
Leonard froze as he looked Jim up and down.
The costume was astounding. The boots gave him at least another inch of height, and the bulky coat broadened him in just the right way. The smear of soot on his forehead was sexy for reasons that McCoy couldn’t quite comprehend, and the thick gloves, attached to the coat by a Velcro strap, just served to remind Leonard of everything the hands that would wear them had ever done to him. And in the context of the outfit, the smell-an earthy, sooty, aroma, part woodsmoke and part something else-was sexy too. The newly-synthesized smell that Leonard had just been about to complain about actually made the outfit even more spectacular.
“Never mind,” he muttered, as he closed the gap between the two of them. “That’s …”
“It’s hot, huh Bones?” Jim said, grinning so widely his molars were visible.
“Yeah.” Leonard cleared his throat. “Can’t say quite why, exactly, but yeah, darlin’. It sure is.”
“Thought so. Now-you sure you don’t wanna give me a sneak preview of your getup?”
Leonard didn’t answer-he just started ripping open Velcro, and pulling down the hidden zipper on the heavy coat.
Part 2/2 here.