Comments | keerawa: dS Snippet: A Very Merry Unbirthday

keerawa

dS Snippet: A Very Merry Unbirthday

Jan 20, 2009 06:55

Fandom; Character: due South; Ray K
Rating: G
Word Count: 291
Challenge: Written for the ds_snippets Complete Amnesty Challenge, prompt: gift
Author's Notes: Thanks to my beta, luzula. None of these characters are mine. I just feed them when they follow me home.

( A Very Merry Unbirthday )

snippet, due south, fic

Comments 14

luzula January 20 2009, 15:55:41 UTC

I love your ending in this version! It's so much better than both your original ending and my suggestion. Because now there's an underlying sadness in both Ray and Frannie. I love the symmetry of that, and how they don't show it to each other, even if they show each other a whole lot more than they show in their act for the whole room. If that makes sense. : )

keerawa January 24 2009, 06:19:33 UTC

Thanks luzula! That's what I love about the beta proces - the mutual creation of something greater then either of us could have arrived at alone. There are layers of secrets and hiding going on here, definitely.

cyberducks January 20 2009, 16:31:31 UTC

I love it when Frannie isn't merely the comic relief. And that some of her ....Frannieness is an act.

Poor Ray. And poor Frannie.

Also:

Fraser had turned his back and was neatly screening them from the room. Aware and protective Fraser is lovely.

keerawa January 24 2009, 06:21:16 UTC

I think we all tend to find a role that we are comfortable with, and then play it. Frannie's is pretty goofy. And I imagine she has her own (far from goofy) reasons for going with it.

Protective of them AND Ray Vecchio. I'm still convinced that party in Eclipse is meant to establish Ray's cover.

love_jackianto January 20 2009, 18:47:13 UTC

Great snippet.

'Her voice and body language were almost perfect. You had to really look to see the sadness in Frannie’s eyes when she said, 'Happy birthday, Ray.'
I love the ending. I just want to give Frannie and Ray hugs

keerawa January 24 2009, 06:22:07 UTC

Thank you, lovejackianto! They could use some hugs!

brigantine January 21 2009, 21:26:30 UTC

Aw, Frannie's such a sweetie!

I've always enjoyed the way RayK and Frannie actually do treat each other like siblings sometimes, including the times when they commiserate.

It's a small thing perhaps, but the idea that this is his coffee-maker that Frannie gave him, and that he'll remember that every time now, instead of thinking about Stella having the other one makes me happy.

Also, that she's got a new job lined up... heh heh! :)

keerawa January 24 2009, 06:25:39 UTC

*nods* They do, sibling rivalry and all. Good point about Ray having a happy-ish new memory. Even if it is a gift for Ray Vecchio.

Like conspiracy theorists everywhere, I have to think that Frannies job at the 2-7 is meant to back up Ray's identity, just in case. I get a little tin hatty about this, because the undercover thing is so absurd that it needs a lot of support!

mizface January 23 2009, 17:16:17 UTC

This was lovely and sad and sweet. Frannie picking up on Ray's discomfort and Fraser protecting them both so they could have a moment... just really, really nice.

keerawa January 24 2009, 06:27:25 UTC

Thanks, mizface. It's a rather delicate moment, composed of equal parts attempted empathy, misunderstanding, andcrossed wires, but a moment none the less.