opinions,criticism,suggestions,comments

[keepongroovin]

Comments

[jix1125]

That was beautiful. Rhythmic, then kinda sexy and gorgeous.

I like.

[keepongroovin]

thank you for being the only nice person
to respond so far ! i'm quite apprehensive
showing this to people.

[istheresplendor]

i agree, love the second section the most. rhyme doesn't feel contrived, nice/sultry/noticeable words include: feeble, destination/seeker, the whole 'you dried my body' line, pillows, pilfered, frozen cold drool, water filled my insides, reached through water, matyr, gratefully dead...etc. lovely.

[braiindamage]

yea, u should be black cause u do got rythm. and i like how some lines are simple and straight and others more descriptive, the varietys good to keep a reader going.and the rhymes arent lame- i bet u'd be good at freestyle rap.
i cant critisize or else id be going out of my way to find fault..plus its ur art. rock on.

[_elated]

you are a really amazing writer.

i loved it.

sorry for lurking...

[kickouthegloom]

but i was drawn in by the star wars reference... and if you'd like any constructive criticisms... i'd love to give my insight. well, not now... because i'm off to school but i used to major in poetry at my performing arts school.

let me know. :)