Fic: After Effect, Harry/Draco, NC-17, [Complete]
Title: After Effect
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Summary: No one knew Draco had a daughter, but due to unfortunate circumstances surrounding the end of the War he'll have to bring her to school for his eighth year. Perhaps a bit of innocence can help to open eyes.
This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Chapter Thirteen
Hermione was an excellent person to talk to when it came to discussions pertaining to relationships, there was no denying that. She knew exactly what to say ninety-nine per cent of the time. Harry had complete faith in her. When they’d been walking up to Gryffindor Tower and she’d been talking him through what to say to Draco he’d been trying hard to listen-it was his only real shot at mending this quickly. But he found he couldn’t concentrate. He kept thinking back to the fight in the classroom, Draco’s angry voice playing over and over in his head like a broken record. By the time they’d made it to the seventh-floor landing his lips were beginning to chap from having chewed on them so harshly.
They’d successfully retrieved the Map from Harry’s trunk without attracting Ron or Carina’s attention and made it back through the portrait hole fairly quickly. Hermione had double-checked with Harry to make sure he was okay, run through a few things to say with him again, and then sent him on his way-to Myrtle’s bathroom.
It had to be some kind of cruel irony, he decided. Harry’s heart had climbed into his throat and lodged itself there when he’d seen that. He’d felt Hermione’s gaze on him but he’d not had the courage to look up.
He’d bade her goodbye and set off at a brisk pace, hoping to get there before he chickened out.
But as he got closer to his destination, Harry was beginning to find that he sincerely regretted not trying harder to listen to Hermione when she’d been giving him advice. He had no idea what to say. He wasn’t inarticulate, of course, but he’d never been very good at talking to Draco (or to people with whom he was in a relationship, for that matter). The only things he could ever manage were witty, sarcastic comebacks to whatever Draco had thrown at him first. This, however, was not a time for sarcasm or coming out on top. This was about listening and talking and expressing difficult feelings.
His heart pounded harder as he thought about those-his feelings. For a while now he’d been trying to avoid the word “love” when it had anything to do with Draco. It didn’t’ make sense in his mind that love could have anything to do with their relationship. Not just because it was so new, but because of their past, because of who they were, because he’d never before even thought about a bloke in that way. Harry wasn’t homophobic-how could he be? He’d gotten off on foreplay with another man. But at least that was somewhat familiar; he was a teenager, after all. Hormones were crazy, right? Up until now he hadn’t really labeled himself as “gay” or “bi” or anything like that. His dick liked stimulation. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t make a big deal of this. He didn’t want any more drama. But now that more intense feelings and emotions were trying to force their way into the relationship Harry didn’t know what to do.
He stopped when he reached the second floor. He could see the door to Myrtle’s bathroom. Harry could almost see Draco leaning over the basin right now, his blond hair falling into his face as he cried.
A shiver ran up Harry’s spine as he thought about the difference between this situation and the one from sixth year; if Draco was indeed crying right now, it wouldn’t be because of Voldemort.
It would be because of Harry.
He bit his lip and continued to stare at the door, contemplating the situation. The most important thing right now was that the thought of causing Draco’s anguish had Harry’s stomach turning. He thought of Carina, of the promise he’d made her, and he felt his throat tighten.
He had to get this right. Whether or not he was sure of his feelings-or ready to admit them-Draco and Carina both needed him. And what was he if not noble?
Mum and dad would be proud of me, he told himself.
He took a deep, shuddering breath and walked up to the door, pushing it open before he had any more time to think.
If he hadn’t been ready for it, his head most certainly would have swum with déja vu. Draco was standing before a sink, looking into a mirror, though he wasn’t leaning over the basin. He was just staring at himself. He was once again in his slacks and dress shirt, though that wasn’t so surprising, as it was what he wore every day beneath his robes.
Since he was already standing upright, Harry didn’t need to announce himself this time. Draco saw his reflection and Harry saw him close his eyes through the grubby reflection in the glass.
“How do you always find me?” Draco whispered. The weight of the Map was heavy in Harry’s back pocket. He didn’t answer the question. Draco turned eventually and looked at him. It looked vaguely like he’d been crying, but Harry couldn’t be sure. He took a few tentative steps forward and when Draco didn’t retaliate he closed the rest of the distance, stopping only about a foot in front of him.
Draco crossed his arms protectively across his chest. It struck Harry how feminine this was. What surprised him even more, though, was the fact that he found it rather endearing.
“I came here to apologize.”
Draco merely looked down. Harry sighed.
“I’m sorry, Draco. When I said all that stuff-I wasn’t thinking. I was just so scared.”
Draco scoffed and looked up. “So you said before,” he snapped.
“Just listen,” Harry said. Draco glared at him for a moment before looking back down. Harry took this as a cue to continue. “I like you … so much, Draco. More than I can even convey to you.” He swallowed thickly. “I’m just scared because I’m scared to lose you. It terrifies me that you might not feel the same way about me.” Harry wrung his hands at his sides, wishing he could sound a little more articulate. He knew his words weren’t smooth right now. But he was getting it out, at least. And it was coming straight from the heart. “It all happened so quickly. We had a … a really difficult past. It’s just hard to believe sometimes that this is … you know … for real.”
He looked at Draco for any sign of a reaction but he was still looking at the floor. He opened to mouth to talk again but was cut off when Draco finally looked up.
“Stop,” he said. It was quiet, but it was effective in stopping Harry from speaking. “There are a lot of things about you, Harry, that I can’t stand.” Harry felt his stomach drop and tears pool very suddenly in his eyes. “But one thing I admire-that I’ve always secretly admired-is your straightforwardness. You say what you’re thinking, even if no one wants to hear it. So stop sugar-coating this. It’s disgust-”
“I’m not sugar-coating anyth-!”
Once again Draco silenced Harry with one word. His name this time.
“You may indeed be worried because this feels surreal-I am too. I mean, for fuck’s sake, Harry, if someone had told me last year that I’d be … that I’d like you this much in one year’s time… Christ, I’d have knocked their teeth out. I get it. It’s hard to believe sometimes. But don’t you dare pretend like what you said before in that classroom isn’t true. You’re scared because a part of you still doesn’t trust me. Because regardless of anything going on right now, I was a Death Eater.” He stopped and wiped a tear from just beneath his eye. “I’m Marked. Still. I always will be. And it’s…” The end of his sentence trailed off, as though he couldn’t think of a word horrific enough to describe his feelings about the Mark on his arm. Instead, he reached for his sleeve and pulled it up, exposing it fully. Harry had seen it before on the Astronomy Tower, and he’d caught glimpses of it when they’d been fooling around in bed, but Draco had been pretty good at hiding it. It was probably habit, Harry thought. Now, though, he could see it up close. In great detail. It didn’t look like it had faded at all. It wasn’t a tattoo, though, after all. It was magic. Harry raised his eyes to look at Draco, who was watching him, and then tentatively stepped forward.
On complete impulse, Harry reached forward and took Draco’s left arm. Draco watched him carefully as he brought it up to his lips and, very gently, kissed it. When he brought the arm back down he found Draco staring at him incredulously.
Before he could speak, however, Harry said, “I forgive you.”
It was like a trigger. Draco fell into his arms, squeezing his neck tight enough that Harry might have thought he was trying to kill him. But Harry could feel the relief washing off of Draco in waves-he hugged him back, digging his nails into Draco’s back because he just couldn’t seem to get him close enough.
“How can you forgive me?” he breathed into Harry’s ear. He sounded anguished. “I’m just as bad as any of the others.”
Harry pulled away and looked hard at Draco, grasping his upper arms tightly.
“You’re nothing like them. How can you even say that?”
“I stood there while they did it,” he whispered. “I let it happen. It makes me just as bad.”
“But you feel remorse!” It felt like the most important thing in the world right now for Draco to understand. To feel what Harry was saying. “Did you listen to anything I said to Voldemort before he died?”
Draco swallowed audibly but said nothing. Harry growled in frustration.
“One of the most important things Dumbledore ever taught me, Draco, is that no one is born a certain way. We are what we make ourselves. Did you know the Sorting Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin?” Draco’s eyes went wide. “Yeah. I asked it to put me into Gryffindor.”
“Are you..?”
“I’m dead fucking serious.” Harry was gripping Draco’s biceps so tightly he was sure there would be bruises, but he couldn’t make himself relinquish his grip. He so desperately wanted to get through to Draco. He couldn’t even explain it to himself anymore. He just needed to do this. “No one’s bad. There’s no such thing as a bad person. You grew up with people who influenced you negatively.”
A sneer began to form on Draco’s face.
“Watch it, Pot-”
“No, Draco,” he said, cutting him off. Draco snapped his mouth shut and glared. “I don’t think for a second you would have done any of that if you hadn’t been forced to. A long time ago, when we first met, you told me that everyone in your family has been a Slytherin.” A few tears were steadily making their way down Draco’s cheeks. Harry hurried on before he had a chance to back down. “Why do you think Carina is so different? I didn’t know you when you were her age, but I knew you at eleven, and you know what? You were a little shit. Do you remember that conversation we had in Madam Malkin’s seven years ago?”
“What?” Draco looked truly confused for the first time. Harry chuckled in spite of himself.
“You never realized that was me, did you? That quiet little boy on the stool next to you? Who didn’t know what Quidditch or Hogwarts Houses were?”
“That was…”
“Me, yes. I knew it was you the second you came into my compartment on the Hogwarts Express. You know why? Because I already disliked you.” Draco’s bottom lip quivered. Harry had to fight not to kiss him. He felt horrible. But it would all be worth it when he made his point in the end. “You’d been bragging about Quidditch and how you planned on bullying your father into getting you a broom.
Now look at Carina. She’s still a Malfoy, isn’t she? But she’s nothing like that. She’s a sweetheart. Do you know why that is?” Draco shook his head slowly, never moving his eyes from Harry’s. “Because you’re her father. And do you know what, Draco? I would bet all the Galleons in my Gringotts account that you would rather die than give her up to someone like Voldemort.”
Draco was crying freely now, though he wasn’t making any noises. He was hanging onto Harry’s every word like he was reciting the meaning of life.
“You are nothing like your father, and you are nothing like Voldemort or his followers. They don’t know what love is-they don’t care what love is. You’ve already got them beat there.”
Draco stared at him for a few moments before saying anything.
“Why are you defending what I did?” he whispered.
What came out of Harry’s mouth next was entirely accidental.
“Because I love you,” he said forcefully, and finally a single tear made its way down his left cheek. He couldn’t believe he was saying it, but he couldn’t avoid it anymore. It had come out on its own. And he couldn’t find it in himself to dispute it. It felt too right. And the look of wonder on Draco’s face, coupled with the incredulous, overwhelming happiness, made it okay. “And that’s what you do when you love someone. You forgive them. And you help them. And you make things right when you’ve fucked up. I should have trusted you. What you did during the War was horrible, yes, but…” Harry finally released Draco’s arm in favor of cupping his face gently. “It’s the past. Everything is the past. And we’ll have forever to discuss it more if you’ll just give me another chance, Draco, please.”
Harry had been expecting a lot of things, such as a punch in the face, a knee to the groin, perhaps a hex or two, or maybe if he was lucky an ambiguous answer, but certainly not the chaste kiss on the lips he received.
“I’m sorry I bit your head off,” Draco said, his gaze dropping to the ground. “I just thought that you’d finally come to your senses.”
Harry lifted Draco’s chin with his thumb and forefinger and smiled softly at him.
“We both have a lot to work on.”
Harry was acutely aware of the fact that Draco hadn’t said “I love you” back, but he wasn’t tactless enough to bring that up. He was almost positive it was a conscious choice on Draco’s part. That wasn’t something that just slipped one’s mind. But he let it go. He felt vulnerable for having put his uncertain feelings on the table like that without reciprocation, but right now it was worth it because he and Draco were okay again. Besides, he thought he could deal with saying that every day if it meant seeing Draco’s face light up like that again.
Merlin, I’m a sap, he thought, smiling lightly to himself.
* * *
Carina had opted to sleep in Hermione’s room that night, which was all well and good for Harry, because that meant Draco could sleep in his room.
It was one o’clock in the morning and they were cuddled together under Harry’s duvet, Draco’s head nestled in the crook of his neck. They’d been talking on and off about trivial things like Quidditch and schoolwork, though a silence had consumed them for the past half hour or so.
Harry was just beginning to fall asleep when he felt Draco start to pepper kisses on his throat. They made his toes curl and drew forth a very quiet whimper. He heard Draco chuckle and the pecks became a little more forceful, until he was fairly sucking on Harry’s neck on top of his pulse point.
He unconsciously pulled Draco closer, which resulted only in a leg wrapping around his own and Draco’s erection pressing into his hip.
Harry gasped and stretched his neck out, allowing Draco more access to his throat.
“What are you doing?” he breathed.
Draco stopped very suddenly and drew back to look at Harry, an eyebrow raised.
“I’m not sure I want a boyfriend who’s that thick…”
In response Harry moved his hands to cup Draco’s arse and pulled him forward, bringing their hips together and causing Draco to squeal in surprise. He had to catch himself with his hands on either side of Harry’s chest. Harry laughed low in his throat. Their faces were centimeters apart.
“You’ve got quite a mouth on you,” Harry said, smirking up at his blond boyfriend. Draco merely ground his hips down onto Harry’s as payback for having put him in this position. Harry gasped and bit his lip. “Not that that’s anything new,” he choked out.
Draco leaned forward and said against Harry’s ear, “I can think of something else I can do with my mouth…”
Harry’s eyes went wide and he watched in silence as Draco crawled down the length of his body, pushing Harry’s shirt up and kissing the skin underneath as he went. He propped himself up on his elbows in order to see Draco better, but the view of his blond head moving slowly down his bare abdomen only served to make him harder than before and he groaned.
Draco looked up at him and smirked, knowing exactly what had happened. He skipped over Harry’s navel and instead skipped to the thick patch of hair trailing down below his boxers, which were the only form of pants he was wearing.
Harry found that his mouth was beginning to salivate heavily at the thought of having Draco’s mouth on his cock. He’d had blow jobs before from Ginny, but this was different. This was Draco. This was another bloke. He just couldn’t seem to get over how arousing it was to have another boy in bed with him.
“God, maybe I am gay,” he whispered. And then he bit his lip because he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Draco looked up at him, smiling almost incredulously.
“Excuse me?” he laughed.
“Nothing.” Harry’s cheeks were flaming now but his erection was more important than his embarrassment. He needed relief now.
“Were you unsure?” Draco’s voice was teasing and his hands were slowly making their way up Harry’s thighs. Harry couldn’t find any words. He merely glared, though it was interrupted by a groan when Draco kissed the tip of his cock through his boxers. “I can help you figure it out, if you’d like.”
Since when was Draco so seductive? Not that Harry was complaining.
In the spirit of their relationship, though, he smirked and raised his eyebrows.
“You think you can live up to Ginny?”
For a moment he thought he’d gone too far-and maybe he had. The next thing Harry knew Draco had ripped his boxers down his thighs (which was painful considering the state of his arousal) and his tongue was licking a stripe up the underside of Harry’s cock. Harry tried to thrust upward but was restrained by a pair of strong arms. Draco pulled himself up so that his and Harry’s faces were centimeters apart again.
“This is nothing like sex with a woman,” Draco whispered and Harry found it was suddenly impossible to keep his eyes open and hold back a low moan. “I may be feminine, Potter, but I can make you scream louder than any girl could ever hope to.”
And then he was back down at Harry’s cock and he was licking the drop of pre-come from the tip. Harry groaned and tried thrusting again, but it was to no avail. Draco was stronger than he looked, not to mention his whole body weight was pressing down on Harry’s hips.
He continued to tease him with his tongue for what felt like an eternity. Harry was a whimpering mess by the time Draco finally deigned to wrap his mouth around the head of Harry’s cock, sucking like it was a particularly good lollipop.
“Fuck!” Harry shouted, prolonging the “u” for several seconds. Draco smirked around his length and took more, seemingly enjoying the way he was causing Harry to squirm.
Draco’s mouth was so incredibly wet and warm that Harry wasn't sure how much longer he could possibly last. And for some reason, he was feeling decidedly hungry for Draco right now. He pushed most of his common sense (which had already been rapidly draining as more and more blood relocated to his cock) to the side and pulled Draco off his dick and up his body, changing their positions before Draco knew what had happened.
“W-what are you..?” Draco stammered, watching as Harry gently pulled his pajama pants off and threw them on the floor. He had nothing underneath and Harry was glad for that. He kissed the inside of Draco’s thigh, reveling in the sounds it elicited. “Harry…”
“Shh,” he whispered against Draco’s skin, chuckling when he saw goose bumps rise there. “I want you right now.”
He kneeled in the V of Draco’s legs and took a moment to cover his index finger with saliva before smoothly sliding it between Draco’s arse cheeks. Draco gasped and flinched away.
“It’s okay, Draco,” Harry said, moving forwards again and kissing his thigh once more as he slid his finger back into place. Draco whimpered and it sounded like a mixture of arousal and uncertainty. He looked up to find that Draco was torturing his bottom lip with his teeth. “I won’t hurt you. Trust me.”
As he ran his finger lightly across Draco’s entrance he felt it tighten significantly at the same time that Draco cried out.
“I-I’m not ready, Harry,” he gushed out, his chest heaving. His cheeks were positively red. Harry smiled softly.
“It’s okay,” he assured him, though a small part of his brain was highly annoyed. He hadn’t really been thinking anymore, just going on male instinct. He wanted Draco so badly right now that the most sensible thing to do had been to fuck him. But he couldn’t-not when Draco looked that uncomfortable. He took a deep breath. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do.” But as he said it he rubbed Draco’s puckered entrance again. He leaned up and kissed Draco on the lips. “A finger in your arse doesn’t mean I have to fuck you, though,” he whispered.
Draco stared up at him, eyes wide and curious. Harry moved down to nip at his neck near his ear.
“It’ll feel so good, Draco. I wanna make you feel good.”
Draco didn’t say anything, so Harry put a little more pressure on his tight entrance, and when he was met with minimal resistance, pushed just the tip of his finger inside.
He had to squeeze his eyes shut. The heat was almost unbearable.
“H-Harry…” Harry kissed his neck again and pushed his finger another few centimeters inside Draco’s tight body.
“How’s it feel?” he whispered. He could feel Draco breathing beneath him, could feel him trembling and could hear the tiny whimpers that escaped his mouth at random intervals. “Tell me how it feels, Draco.”
“More…”
Harry bit down harder on Draco’s neck as he pushed his finger the rest of the way inside, using every ounce of willpower he possessed not to start finger-fucking him. Draco felt amazing-better than anything he’d experienced before. And it was only one finger. He groaned when he thought about how Draco’s arse would feel clamped around his cock.
He pulled his finger out slowly and pushed it back in, starting up a rhythm that Draco could get used to. Apparently he did so quickly, because soon enough he was begging Harry for another finger.
Harry obliged, and before he knew it he had three fingers buried in Draco’s arse, pounding into him and hitting his prostate on every other thrust. With his other hand Harry gripped Draco’s cock and began stroking him in earnest. It was messy and neither boy really knew what he was doing, but it didn’t seem to matter. Draco was arching and writhing and screaming like he’d never known pleasure before. Harry was working Draco to completion quickly, mouthing at his neck because that was all he could manage to do.
“Draco,” he breathed. Draco moaned in response. “Are you gonna come for me, baby?”
Draco whined Harry’s name and threw his head back. He sounded almost as though he were in pain.
“Tell me.” Harry stilled his fingers inside of Draco’s arse and licked his ear. “Tell me you wanna come.”
It was a battle of wills between them-it always had been. But with one hand on Draco’s cock and the other buried inside his arse Harry felt like he had the upper hand this time around. He grinned wickedly and gave Draco’s cock a painful squeeze.
“Tell me,” he said again.
And finally, in one long, heavy breath Draco said, “Please, Harry, please let me come!”
That was enough for Harry. He drove his fingers into Draco’s arse faster and harder than before, pushing him toward the brink rapidly. When he finally screamed out his orgasm Harry was waiting for the feel of Draco’s come to hit his chest. Never before had he fantasized about making a bloke come on him before, but here he was craving it more than anything in the world.
He milked Draco’s cock for every last drop before leaning over to lick the excess off of Draco's stomach. There wasn’t much. And once he’d finished, and Draco was trying to catch his breath, Harry climbed on top of him and kneeled above his abdomen.
He didn’t give Draco a chance to ask questions before he started stroking himself quickly, alternating between looking down at Draco and remembering his face when he’d climaxed a moment ago. It didn’t take very long, especially when Draco reached up and cupped his balls. He shouted his own orgasm, trying desperately to keep his eyes open so he could watch as Draco lifted himself up on his elbows so he could catch some in his mouth.
It was by far the most erotic thing Harry had ever seen in his life. He fell to the side of Draco and closed his eyes, basking in the aftermath of the most intense orgasm of his young life. He opened his eyes when he felt a soft hand on his stomach.
“Thank you,” Draco whispered, and kissed him on the cheek.
“For what?”
“For not pushing me.”
Harry smiled and turned his head so he could kiss him on the mouth, loving the taste of himself on Draco’s lips.
“I would never push you.”
“I know.” He snuggled into Harry’s side and breathed deeply. Harry wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close, wondering if anything would ever feel so perfect again. Having Draco cuddled up at his side was like some kind of forbidden bliss.
“Draco,” he said softly, remembering his conversation with Ginny from earlier.
“Mm?”
“What are you plans for Christmas?”
Draco looked up at him, an eyebrow raised.
“Christmas is more than a month away.”
“I know, but I’m supposed to go back to the Weasleys’ for break and I was just wondering if … well, if you’d come with me…”
“Come … with you to the Weasleys’..?”
Harry sighed and rolled onto his side so that they were facing completely.
“I know it’s sudden. But Molly had sent Ginny to ask me today if I was coming and I asked Ginny to tell her mum that-er-that you might be coming as well.”
Draco’s eyes were wide. “You..?”
“Please, Draco.” He kissed him again, longer this time. “I want to spend Christmas with you and Carina. Please come to the Burrow with all of us. You’ve been getting along with Ron, and Hermione will be there, and I know Molly would be happy to have you two over.”
“Harry, I…” He stopped and bit his lip. “I don’t know if that’s right… My family did so much to hurt theirs…”
“I told you before,” Harry pressed. “This is a new start. That’s all in the past. It would mean so much to me.”
Draco seemed to contemplate this for a few moments. He looked uncertain.
“Please, Draco,” he whispered again. And finally-finally-Draco nodded. Harry’s smile stretched to both ears and he crushed his mouth against Draco’s. “Thank you so much. I love you.”
For the second time that day Draco did not reciprocate Harry’s words. But it didn’t matter-he’d be spending Christmas with the boy he loved and said boy’s daughter. Harry could only imagine how much fun it would be.
As they got under the covers and prepared to go to sleep Harry promised himself that by the end of break, he’d get Draco to truly fall in love with him.
Link to Chapter Fourteen
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Rating: NC-17
Summary: No one knew Draco had a daughter, but due to unfortunate circumstances surrounding the end of the War he'll have to bring her to school for his eighth year. Perhaps a bit of innocence can help to open eyes.
This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Chapter Thirteen
Hermione was an excellent person to talk to when it came to discussions pertaining to relationships, there was no denying that. She knew exactly what to say ninety-nine per cent of the time. Harry had complete faith in her. When they’d been walking up to Gryffindor Tower and she’d been talking him through what to say to Draco he’d been trying hard to listen-it was his only real shot at mending this quickly. But he found he couldn’t concentrate. He kept thinking back to the fight in the classroom, Draco’s angry voice playing over and over in his head like a broken record. By the time they’d made it to the seventh-floor landing his lips were beginning to chap from having chewed on them so harshly.
They’d successfully retrieved the Map from Harry’s trunk without attracting Ron or Carina’s attention and made it back through the portrait hole fairly quickly. Hermione had double-checked with Harry to make sure he was okay, run through a few things to say with him again, and then sent him on his way-to Myrtle’s bathroom.
It had to be some kind of cruel irony, he decided. Harry’s heart had climbed into his throat and lodged itself there when he’d seen that. He’d felt Hermione’s gaze on him but he’d not had the courage to look up.
He’d bade her goodbye and set off at a brisk pace, hoping to get there before he chickened out.
But as he got closer to his destination, Harry was beginning to find that he sincerely regretted not trying harder to listen to Hermione when she’d been giving him advice. He had no idea what to say. He wasn’t inarticulate, of course, but he’d never been very good at talking to Draco (or to people with whom he was in a relationship, for that matter). The only things he could ever manage were witty, sarcastic comebacks to whatever Draco had thrown at him first. This, however, was not a time for sarcasm or coming out on top. This was about listening and talking and expressing difficult feelings.
His heart pounded harder as he thought about those-his feelings. For a while now he’d been trying to avoid the word “love” when it had anything to do with Draco. It didn’t’ make sense in his mind that love could have anything to do with their relationship. Not just because it was so new, but because of their past, because of who they were, because he’d never before even thought about a bloke in that way. Harry wasn’t homophobic-how could he be? He’d gotten off on foreplay with another man. But at least that was somewhat familiar; he was a teenager, after all. Hormones were crazy, right? Up until now he hadn’t really labeled himself as “gay” or “bi” or anything like that. His dick liked stimulation. He’d promised himself he wouldn’t make a big deal of this. He didn’t want any more drama. But now that more intense feelings and emotions were trying to force their way into the relationship Harry didn’t know what to do.
He stopped when he reached the second floor. He could see the door to Myrtle’s bathroom. Harry could almost see Draco leaning over the basin right now, his blond hair falling into his face as he cried.
A shiver ran up Harry’s spine as he thought about the difference between this situation and the one from sixth year; if Draco was indeed crying right now, it wouldn’t be because of Voldemort.
It would be because of Harry.
He bit his lip and continued to stare at the door, contemplating the situation. The most important thing right now was that the thought of causing Draco’s anguish had Harry’s stomach turning. He thought of Carina, of the promise he’d made her, and he felt his throat tighten.
He had to get this right. Whether or not he was sure of his feelings-or ready to admit them-Draco and Carina both needed him. And what was he if not noble?
Mum and dad would be proud of me, he told himself.
He took a deep, shuddering breath and walked up to the door, pushing it open before he had any more time to think.
If he hadn’t been ready for it, his head most certainly would have swum with déja vu. Draco was standing before a sink, looking into a mirror, though he wasn’t leaning over the basin. He was just staring at himself. He was once again in his slacks and dress shirt, though that wasn’t so surprising, as it was what he wore every day beneath his robes.
Since he was already standing upright, Harry didn’t need to announce himself this time. Draco saw his reflection and Harry saw him close his eyes through the grubby reflection in the glass.
“How do you always find me?” Draco whispered. The weight of the Map was heavy in Harry’s back pocket. He didn’t answer the question. Draco turned eventually and looked at him. It looked vaguely like he’d been crying, but Harry couldn’t be sure. He took a few tentative steps forward and when Draco didn’t retaliate he closed the rest of the distance, stopping only about a foot in front of him.
Draco crossed his arms protectively across his chest. It struck Harry how feminine this was. What surprised him even more, though, was the fact that he found it rather endearing.
“I came here to apologize.”
Draco merely looked down. Harry sighed.
“I’m sorry, Draco. When I said all that stuff-I wasn’t thinking. I was just so scared.”
Draco scoffed and looked up. “So you said before,” he snapped.
“Just listen,” Harry said. Draco glared at him for a moment before looking back down. Harry took this as a cue to continue. “I like you … so much, Draco. More than I can even convey to you.” He swallowed thickly. “I’m just scared because I’m scared to lose you. It terrifies me that you might not feel the same way about me.” Harry wrung his hands at his sides, wishing he could sound a little more articulate. He knew his words weren’t smooth right now. But he was getting it out, at least. And it was coming straight from the heart. “It all happened so quickly. We had a … a really difficult past. It’s just hard to believe sometimes that this is … you know … for real.”
He looked at Draco for any sign of a reaction but he was still looking at the floor. He opened to mouth to talk again but was cut off when Draco finally looked up.
“Stop,” he said. It was quiet, but it was effective in stopping Harry from speaking. “There are a lot of things about you, Harry, that I can’t stand.” Harry felt his stomach drop and tears pool very suddenly in his eyes. “But one thing I admire-that I’ve always secretly admired-is your straightforwardness. You say what you’re thinking, even if no one wants to hear it. So stop sugar-coating this. It’s disgust-”
“I’m not sugar-coating anyth-!”
Once again Draco silenced Harry with one word. His name this time.
“You may indeed be worried because this feels surreal-I am too. I mean, for fuck’s sake, Harry, if someone had told me last year that I’d be … that I’d like you this much in one year’s time… Christ, I’d have knocked their teeth out. I get it. It’s hard to believe sometimes. But don’t you dare pretend like what you said before in that classroom isn’t true. You’re scared because a part of you still doesn’t trust me. Because regardless of anything going on right now, I was a Death Eater.” He stopped and wiped a tear from just beneath his eye. “I’m Marked. Still. I always will be. And it’s…” The end of his sentence trailed off, as though he couldn’t think of a word horrific enough to describe his feelings about the Mark on his arm. Instead, he reached for his sleeve and pulled it up, exposing it fully. Harry had seen it before on the Astronomy Tower, and he’d caught glimpses of it when they’d been fooling around in bed, but Draco had been pretty good at hiding it. It was probably habit, Harry thought. Now, though, he could see it up close. In great detail. It didn’t look like it had faded at all. It wasn’t a tattoo, though, after all. It was magic. Harry raised his eyes to look at Draco, who was watching him, and then tentatively stepped forward.
On complete impulse, Harry reached forward and took Draco’s left arm. Draco watched him carefully as he brought it up to his lips and, very gently, kissed it. When he brought the arm back down he found Draco staring at him incredulously.
Before he could speak, however, Harry said, “I forgive you.”
It was like a trigger. Draco fell into his arms, squeezing his neck tight enough that Harry might have thought he was trying to kill him. But Harry could feel the relief washing off of Draco in waves-he hugged him back, digging his nails into Draco’s back because he just couldn’t seem to get him close enough.
“How can you forgive me?” he breathed into Harry’s ear. He sounded anguished. “I’m just as bad as any of the others.”
Harry pulled away and looked hard at Draco, grasping his upper arms tightly.
“You’re nothing like them. How can you even say that?”
“I stood there while they did it,” he whispered. “I let it happen. It makes me just as bad.”
“But you feel remorse!” It felt like the most important thing in the world right now for Draco to understand. To feel what Harry was saying. “Did you listen to anything I said to Voldemort before he died?”
Draco swallowed audibly but said nothing. Harry growled in frustration.
“One of the most important things Dumbledore ever taught me, Draco, is that no one is born a certain way. We are what we make ourselves. Did you know the Sorting Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin?” Draco’s eyes went wide. “Yeah. I asked it to put me into Gryffindor.”
“Are you..?”
“I’m dead fucking serious.” Harry was gripping Draco’s biceps so tightly he was sure there would be bruises, but he couldn’t make himself relinquish his grip. He so desperately wanted to get through to Draco. He couldn’t even explain it to himself anymore. He just needed to do this. “No one’s bad. There’s no such thing as a bad person. You grew up with people who influenced you negatively.”
A sneer began to form on Draco’s face.
“Watch it, Pot-”
“No, Draco,” he said, cutting him off. Draco snapped his mouth shut and glared. “I don’t think for a second you would have done any of that if you hadn’t been forced to. A long time ago, when we first met, you told me that everyone in your family has been a Slytherin.” A few tears were steadily making their way down Draco’s cheeks. Harry hurried on before he had a chance to back down. “Why do you think Carina is so different? I didn’t know you when you were her age, but I knew you at eleven, and you know what? You were a little shit. Do you remember that conversation we had in Madam Malkin’s seven years ago?”
“What?” Draco looked truly confused for the first time. Harry chuckled in spite of himself.
“You never realized that was me, did you? That quiet little boy on the stool next to you? Who didn’t know what Quidditch or Hogwarts Houses were?”
“That was…”
“Me, yes. I knew it was you the second you came into my compartment on the Hogwarts Express. You know why? Because I already disliked you.” Draco’s bottom lip quivered. Harry had to fight not to kiss him. He felt horrible. But it would all be worth it when he made his point in the end. “You’d been bragging about Quidditch and how you planned on bullying your father into getting you a broom.
Now look at Carina. She’s still a Malfoy, isn’t she? But she’s nothing like that. She’s a sweetheart. Do you know why that is?” Draco shook his head slowly, never moving his eyes from Harry’s. “Because you’re her father. And do you know what, Draco? I would bet all the Galleons in my Gringotts account that you would rather die than give her up to someone like Voldemort.”
Draco was crying freely now, though he wasn’t making any noises. He was hanging onto Harry’s every word like he was reciting the meaning of life.
“You are nothing like your father, and you are nothing like Voldemort or his followers. They don’t know what love is-they don’t care what love is. You’ve already got them beat there.”
Draco stared at him for a few moments before saying anything.
“Why are you defending what I did?” he whispered.
What came out of Harry’s mouth next was entirely accidental.
“Because I love you,” he said forcefully, and finally a single tear made its way down his left cheek. He couldn’t believe he was saying it, but he couldn’t avoid it anymore. It had come out on its own. And he couldn’t find it in himself to dispute it. It felt too right. And the look of wonder on Draco’s face, coupled with the incredulous, overwhelming happiness, made it okay. “And that’s what you do when you love someone. You forgive them. And you help them. And you make things right when you’ve fucked up. I should have trusted you. What you did during the War was horrible, yes, but…” Harry finally released Draco’s arm in favor of cupping his face gently. “It’s the past. Everything is the past. And we’ll have forever to discuss it more if you’ll just give me another chance, Draco, please.”
Harry had been expecting a lot of things, such as a punch in the face, a knee to the groin, perhaps a hex or two, or maybe if he was lucky an ambiguous answer, but certainly not the chaste kiss on the lips he received.
“I’m sorry I bit your head off,” Draco said, his gaze dropping to the ground. “I just thought that you’d finally come to your senses.”
Harry lifted Draco’s chin with his thumb and forefinger and smiled softly at him.
“We both have a lot to work on.”
Harry was acutely aware of the fact that Draco hadn’t said “I love you” back, but he wasn’t tactless enough to bring that up. He was almost positive it was a conscious choice on Draco’s part. That wasn’t something that just slipped one’s mind. But he let it go. He felt vulnerable for having put his uncertain feelings on the table like that without reciprocation, but right now it was worth it because he and Draco were okay again. Besides, he thought he could deal with saying that every day if it meant seeing Draco’s face light up like that again.
Merlin, I’m a sap, he thought, smiling lightly to himself.
* * *
Carina had opted to sleep in Hermione’s room that night, which was all well and good for Harry, because that meant Draco could sleep in his room.
It was one o’clock in the morning and they were cuddled together under Harry’s duvet, Draco’s head nestled in the crook of his neck. They’d been talking on and off about trivial things like Quidditch and schoolwork, though a silence had consumed them for the past half hour or so.
Harry was just beginning to fall asleep when he felt Draco start to pepper kisses on his throat. They made his toes curl and drew forth a very quiet whimper. He heard Draco chuckle and the pecks became a little more forceful, until he was fairly sucking on Harry’s neck on top of his pulse point.
He unconsciously pulled Draco closer, which resulted only in a leg wrapping around his own and Draco’s erection pressing into his hip.
Harry gasped and stretched his neck out, allowing Draco more access to his throat.
“What are you doing?” he breathed.
Draco stopped very suddenly and drew back to look at Harry, an eyebrow raised.
“I’m not sure I want a boyfriend who’s that thick…”
In response Harry moved his hands to cup Draco’s arse and pulled him forward, bringing their hips together and causing Draco to squeal in surprise. He had to catch himself with his hands on either side of Harry’s chest. Harry laughed low in his throat. Their faces were centimeters apart.
“You’ve got quite a mouth on you,” Harry said, smirking up at his blond boyfriend. Draco merely ground his hips down onto Harry’s as payback for having put him in this position. Harry gasped and bit his lip. “Not that that’s anything new,” he choked out.
Draco leaned forward and said against Harry’s ear, “I can think of something else I can do with my mouth…”
Harry’s eyes went wide and he watched in silence as Draco crawled down the length of his body, pushing Harry’s shirt up and kissing the skin underneath as he went. He propped himself up on his elbows in order to see Draco better, but the view of his blond head moving slowly down his bare abdomen only served to make him harder than before and he groaned.
Draco looked up at him and smirked, knowing exactly what had happened. He skipped over Harry’s navel and instead skipped to the thick patch of hair trailing down below his boxers, which were the only form of pants he was wearing.
Harry found that his mouth was beginning to salivate heavily at the thought of having Draco’s mouth on his cock. He’d had blow jobs before from Ginny, but this was different. This was Draco. This was another bloke. He just couldn’t seem to get over how arousing it was to have another boy in bed with him.
“God, maybe I am gay,” he whispered. And then he bit his lip because he hadn’t meant to say it out loud. Draco looked up at him, smiling almost incredulously.
“Excuse me?” he laughed.
“Nothing.” Harry’s cheeks were flaming now but his erection was more important than his embarrassment. He needed relief now.
“Were you unsure?” Draco’s voice was teasing and his hands were slowly making their way up Harry’s thighs. Harry couldn’t find any words. He merely glared, though it was interrupted by a groan when Draco kissed the tip of his cock through his boxers. “I can help you figure it out, if you’d like.”
Since when was Draco so seductive? Not that Harry was complaining.
In the spirit of their relationship, though, he smirked and raised his eyebrows.
“You think you can live up to Ginny?”
For a moment he thought he’d gone too far-and maybe he had. The next thing Harry knew Draco had ripped his boxers down his thighs (which was painful considering the state of his arousal) and his tongue was licking a stripe up the underside of Harry’s cock. Harry tried to thrust upward but was restrained by a pair of strong arms. Draco pulled himself up so that his and Harry’s faces were centimeters apart again.
“This is nothing like sex with a woman,” Draco whispered and Harry found it was suddenly impossible to keep his eyes open and hold back a low moan. “I may be feminine, Potter, but I can make you scream louder than any girl could ever hope to.”
And then he was back down at Harry’s cock and he was licking the drop of pre-come from the tip. Harry groaned and tried thrusting again, but it was to no avail. Draco was stronger than he looked, not to mention his whole body weight was pressing down on Harry’s hips.
He continued to tease him with his tongue for what felt like an eternity. Harry was a whimpering mess by the time Draco finally deigned to wrap his mouth around the head of Harry’s cock, sucking like it was a particularly good lollipop.
“Fuck!” Harry shouted, prolonging the “u” for several seconds. Draco smirked around his length and took more, seemingly enjoying the way he was causing Harry to squirm.
Draco’s mouth was so incredibly wet and warm that Harry wasn't sure how much longer he could possibly last. And for some reason, he was feeling decidedly hungry for Draco right now. He pushed most of his common sense (which had already been rapidly draining as more and more blood relocated to his cock) to the side and pulled Draco off his dick and up his body, changing their positions before Draco knew what had happened.
“W-what are you..?” Draco stammered, watching as Harry gently pulled his pajama pants off and threw them on the floor. He had nothing underneath and Harry was glad for that. He kissed the inside of Draco’s thigh, reveling in the sounds it elicited. “Harry…”
“Shh,” he whispered against Draco’s skin, chuckling when he saw goose bumps rise there. “I want you right now.”
He kneeled in the V of Draco’s legs and took a moment to cover his index finger with saliva before smoothly sliding it between Draco’s arse cheeks. Draco gasped and flinched away.
“It’s okay, Draco,” Harry said, moving forwards again and kissing his thigh once more as he slid his finger back into place. Draco whimpered and it sounded like a mixture of arousal and uncertainty. He looked up to find that Draco was torturing his bottom lip with his teeth. “I won’t hurt you. Trust me.”
As he ran his finger lightly across Draco’s entrance he felt it tighten significantly at the same time that Draco cried out.
“I-I’m not ready, Harry,” he gushed out, his chest heaving. His cheeks were positively red. Harry smiled softly.
“It’s okay,” he assured him, though a small part of his brain was highly annoyed. He hadn’t really been thinking anymore, just going on male instinct. He wanted Draco so badly right now that the most sensible thing to do had been to fuck him. But he couldn’t-not when Draco looked that uncomfortable. He took a deep breath. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t wanna do.” But as he said it he rubbed Draco’s puckered entrance again. He leaned up and kissed Draco on the lips. “A finger in your arse doesn’t mean I have to fuck you, though,” he whispered.
Draco stared up at him, eyes wide and curious. Harry moved down to nip at his neck near his ear.
“It’ll feel so good, Draco. I wanna make you feel good.”
Draco didn’t say anything, so Harry put a little more pressure on his tight entrance, and when he was met with minimal resistance, pushed just the tip of his finger inside.
He had to squeeze his eyes shut. The heat was almost unbearable.
“H-Harry…” Harry kissed his neck again and pushed his finger another few centimeters inside Draco’s tight body.
“How’s it feel?” he whispered. He could feel Draco breathing beneath him, could feel him trembling and could hear the tiny whimpers that escaped his mouth at random intervals. “Tell me how it feels, Draco.”
“More…”
Harry bit down harder on Draco’s neck as he pushed his finger the rest of the way inside, using every ounce of willpower he possessed not to start finger-fucking him. Draco felt amazing-better than anything he’d experienced before. And it was only one finger. He groaned when he thought about how Draco’s arse would feel clamped around his cock.
He pulled his finger out slowly and pushed it back in, starting up a rhythm that Draco could get used to. Apparently he did so quickly, because soon enough he was begging Harry for another finger.
Harry obliged, and before he knew it he had three fingers buried in Draco’s arse, pounding into him and hitting his prostate on every other thrust. With his other hand Harry gripped Draco’s cock and began stroking him in earnest. It was messy and neither boy really knew what he was doing, but it didn’t seem to matter. Draco was arching and writhing and screaming like he’d never known pleasure before. Harry was working Draco to completion quickly, mouthing at his neck because that was all he could manage to do.
“Draco,” he breathed. Draco moaned in response. “Are you gonna come for me, baby?”
Draco whined Harry’s name and threw his head back. He sounded almost as though he were in pain.
“Tell me.” Harry stilled his fingers inside of Draco’s arse and licked his ear. “Tell me you wanna come.”
It was a battle of wills between them-it always had been. But with one hand on Draco’s cock and the other buried inside his arse Harry felt like he had the upper hand this time around. He grinned wickedly and gave Draco’s cock a painful squeeze.
“Tell me,” he said again.
And finally, in one long, heavy breath Draco said, “Please, Harry, please let me come!”
That was enough for Harry. He drove his fingers into Draco’s arse faster and harder than before, pushing him toward the brink rapidly. When he finally screamed out his orgasm Harry was waiting for the feel of Draco’s come to hit his chest. Never before had he fantasized about making a bloke come on him before, but here he was craving it more than anything in the world.
He milked Draco’s cock for every last drop before leaning over to lick the excess off of Draco's stomach. There wasn’t much. And once he’d finished, and Draco was trying to catch his breath, Harry climbed on top of him and kneeled above his abdomen.
He didn’t give Draco a chance to ask questions before he started stroking himself quickly, alternating between looking down at Draco and remembering his face when he’d climaxed a moment ago. It didn’t take very long, especially when Draco reached up and cupped his balls. He shouted his own orgasm, trying desperately to keep his eyes open so he could watch as Draco lifted himself up on his elbows so he could catch some in his mouth.
It was by far the most erotic thing Harry had ever seen in his life. He fell to the side of Draco and closed his eyes, basking in the aftermath of the most intense orgasm of his young life. He opened his eyes when he felt a soft hand on his stomach.
“Thank you,” Draco whispered, and kissed him on the cheek.
“For what?”
“For not pushing me.”
Harry smiled and turned his head so he could kiss him on the mouth, loving the taste of himself on Draco’s lips.
“I would never push you.”
“I know.” He snuggled into Harry’s side and breathed deeply. Harry wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close, wondering if anything would ever feel so perfect again. Having Draco cuddled up at his side was like some kind of forbidden bliss.
“Draco,” he said softly, remembering his conversation with Ginny from earlier.
“Mm?”
“What are you plans for Christmas?”
Draco looked up at him, an eyebrow raised.
“Christmas is more than a month away.”
“I know, but I’m supposed to go back to the Weasleys’ for break and I was just wondering if … well, if you’d come with me…”
“Come … with you to the Weasleys’..?”
Harry sighed and rolled onto his side so that they were facing completely.
“I know it’s sudden. But Molly had sent Ginny to ask me today if I was coming and I asked Ginny to tell her mum that-er-that you might be coming as well.”
Draco’s eyes were wide. “You..?”
“Please, Draco.” He kissed him again, longer this time. “I want to spend Christmas with you and Carina. Please come to the Burrow with all of us. You’ve been getting along with Ron, and Hermione will be there, and I know Molly would be happy to have you two over.”
“Harry, I…” He stopped and bit his lip. “I don’t know if that’s right… My family did so much to hurt theirs…”
“I told you before,” Harry pressed. “This is a new start. That’s all in the past. It would mean so much to me.”
Draco seemed to contemplate this for a few moments. He looked uncertain.
“Please, Draco,” he whispered again. And finally-finally-Draco nodded. Harry’s smile stretched to both ears and he crushed his mouth against Draco’s. “Thank you so much. I love you.”
For the second time that day Draco did not reciprocate Harry’s words. But it didn’t matter-he’d be spending Christmas with the boy he loved and said boy’s daughter. Harry could only imagine how much fun it would be.
As they got under the covers and prepared to go to sleep Harry promised himself that by the end of break, he’d get Draco to truly fall in love with him.
Link to Chapter Fourteen